How to Move forward with severa Systemic diseases, Lupus, Sjogren's, RA & knowing when everything feels so out of sorts, even with the New Year Upon me....

A piece of me feels as if I am blocking out all that we went through with Mom, then losing her in June so suddenly. Then the ordeal of paperwork, and all that happens even after the funeral is over.

Then I've went from one issue such as both ankles severely twisted, to sinusitis, to pneumonia, to Lupus flares, then to take such a horrible fall. and break my right hip in two places... to wind up being in the Rehab on Christmas, and maybe for awhile after the 1st of the year.

I just know that things have to get better. I am so terribly tired of being ill in one way or the other. I tried so hard to NOT allow this to happen to me. I knew my chances of a fall could lead to a break of a bone or joint. That is one of the very last things I wanted r needed. But, when I hit that hardwood floor two weeks ago the coming Tuesday, I knew it was not good.

I wanted to believe that it was bruised badly, yet when I could not drag it on the floor without screaming out in pain, I knew then it was bad.

I've been in a turmoil over the state our nation is in. Now with the "person" that is to be our new President, totally terrifies the hell out of me. I cannot fathom him having enough tact with out own Congress, much less any other nation.

I am having to almost "hide" my feelings this season. Here I see many families, together, excited about kids, Christmas, and this very special time of the year, yet I feel left in a "dark fog" wondering once again why I feel "punished", why did I have to take a fall as I did, and break a hip. And what are the chances that I wind up having another surgery if this hip does not work without an entire replacement since the osteoporosis could cause issues.

Frankly, this is one of the very 1st times I've been this worried about my own health issues. I watched my Grandmother and my Mom be able especially my Grandmother take care of themselves for YEARS alone. Now, I fear everything, from just getting out of the bed to going home. I've always been so bound and determined to do my stuff myself. Now, between the Lupus, the RA, the Osteoporosis, and now a broken hip, that I will lose some of my independence, which that thought bothers me badly.

The latest is I have a huge hematoma where the surgery was done on my hip. I knew it had been looking like a I had "2nd hip" and was sticking out but I just thought it was swelling. But when the nurse went to put a new dressing on it yesterday she found it was much more than swelling, and they took pics of it, and sent them to my doctor. Sure enough it is probably a  huge hematoma, and they are putting ice packs on it 4 times daily, and I won't even get the staples out for another week.

My foot still hurts and I still think I have a hairline fracture in it. I guess I should ask for it to be X-Rayed again. I am just so sick of being poked and prodded on, I hate to say that anything hurts.

I have to wonder if anything in my life will ever become "normal" again?

Perspective....during the rough times of life....

As I sit here in Rehab after a bit over a week since I fell, broke my right hip in 2 places, had surgery, and all within the holidays, I am so full of mixed emotions that I m not sure how or what I feel. I look around at everyone patient here. and ALL of them I have seen so far are at least 12 plus years older than me. I must say the entire staff are great. from the nurses to be rehab gals and guys. We had a really good morning in Rehab this morning, even had one of the guys playing the guitar and singing Christmas songs, and many were joining in.

 I wish all of you a Blessed and Safe Holiday - the weather appears like it may not be the greatest so all be careful if you are driving ... be sure to watch out for those in too big of a hurry or already have had too much "holiday cheer"... My Greatest Hope for the days ahead are for everyone to be at Peace, Harmony, and learn how tolerance can balance out life, and give all a better perspective of people, all people surrounding you daily that we are all the same... all pure humans, in an "Earthly World" that sadly has gone astray from their viewing others with new eyes and a renewed heart.

I FEEL totally CURSED!!

Most of u already are aware of my situation. Thank U ALL fir th well wishes, thoughts and prayers. When I am a bit more out of pain I will post more. Worried about my r. foot, think it may have a hairline fracture, so we may be going for another X-Ray This really put a kink in the holidays, and me having neck surgery. I will not be able to have that done now until the hip is healed more.... I am going to try and still write,blog, and do my advocacy work Again to you that have been so supportive to Amanda, Jason and myself - you guys and gals rock - guess this means my dream of snow skiing 1 more time in my life is over darned it..

Yes, this has been quite a shock to everyone to say the least. I WAS SUPPOSED to have cervical neck surgery BEFORE the end of the year. Last Tuesday, about 9AM or somy daughter, & I were on the phone talking. 

I walked out to the front porch, to see how"cool" it was outside & then walked back in the house & was going to step over 1 baby gate I have up between my Living room and bedroom. I have several up to keep the dogs out of places they just don't need be. I started over the gate & the toe of my shoe caught either the tip of rug out of the living room, so it is all hardwood floor right side, from my head/neck to my toes. 

It hurt so badly I dropped the phone & I WAS SCREAMING to the top of my lungs - I HOPED it was just sprained badly...but I got the phone , told Amanda to let me try and see if I could find out what I had messed up. I remembered that I had my crutches in the spare bedroom & also an extra rolling desk chair back there also. 

So, I put my heavy robe under me & was able to scoot a little at a time to that room. and then get up on the chair,grab the crutches & with my left foot I slowly rolled myself to the office.By about 2PM I KNEW something was broken but honestly I did NOT want to admit it. So, when the pain was unbearable 

I knew I had to call 911. I had no choice so, I made the call. Sure enough the CT& X-rays confirmed 2 breaks in my right hip. The Orthopedic surgeon , (Dr. Roye) who had also done surgery on my left shoulder & elbow, so he is familiar with my physical ailments. I can say this is the very last ordeal myself and my family needed- after losing Mom about 6 months ago.

 when it rains, it pours......

WEGO Health Blog Challenge for Monday 28th, 2016 - 5 Challenges and 5 Victories

Challenges and Victories (the WEGO Blog Challenge from November for Monday 28th, 2016)


As many of us have faced, it always feels as if the challenges tend to stick out stay with us, rather than the victories. I feel that is more likely about "Human Nature". As humans we tend to "dwell" on the things that feel lousy to us.

Challenges

As far as "Challenges - the 1st Challenge was truly facing the fact, I DID have not just ONE but "several" possible Autoimmune Illnesses, of which any or all, could cause all kinds of havoc in my life.

2) Facing the tests, all the labs (my 1st go round with lab work, they took 18 TUBES of blood, I am a difficult stick anyway but had to go back 2 or 3 times because some of the blood did not get to the lab quickly enough and was ruined before those tests could be ran.

3) How many so-called "Rheumatologists" do NOT have the "same thoughts and mindset" on Lupus, RA, Sjogren's and all of the other Autoimmune disorders. I found that some did not deal with "ALL' but possibly only dealt with one or two of them. I also found out that MANY doctors (specialists) ONLY went by "blood tests". IF you did not have a "positive lab on RA for example) some of them really were not convinced there was a "sero-negative" RA. I went through at least 7 or 8 Rheumatologists BEFORE finally finding the Rheumatologist that fit my illnesses and needs.


4) Trying to "find" the right medications, then trying to get the doctors to allow me to try them, and the insurance to pay for them, and then finding that medication or medications that even worked for my particular symptoms.


5) Losing my own "caretaker", then becoming a caretaker twice, all the while letting my own illnesses, continue to deteriorate my joints, and body. After putting off surgeries, now I facing further degeneration of my cervical and lumbar spine. I've come to find out that losing all of my teeth, all of the joint replacements, surgeries, many of my other illnesses, are ALL due to the autoimmune diseases and medications also. It seems there are so MANY different health problems that can be caused by AI diseases and/or the medications.

Victories     

1) Finally getting "diagnosed after MANY years of not one physician "getting" that it was Autoimmune related issues. 

2) Becoming aware that I was able to take my illnesses, become a "voice", advocate, Ambassador, for some of these, and that my blog, writing, and my books; along with Social Media really gave me a chance to MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

3) Getting to go to Washington DC in 2014 with the Arthritis Foundation! That was a dream come true. All my life, I had said I wanted to stand on the White House steps, and TELL MY STORY! Basically that is what I truly was able to do. I was able to "tell Congress" what my own personal journey through hell and back was like.


4) Finding the ONE Rheumatologist who has helped me, along with my Primary Care Physician, who Thank goodness was the physician who actually "found" my Autoimmune Issues.


5) Continuing to be able to slowly but surely "move forward". At times these diseases are "dammit the hell" bad, and put me on the sofa for even a week or more. BUT, so far, I am able to put one foot in front of the other each day, and even though the pain, and all of what comes with these illnesses can get horrible, I so far am able to do some things myself, realize when I can't, and be "smart enough" to admit that I need help with certain things. 

continuing with another "Victory"

For the most part, I feel "fortunate" to have somewhat of a "victory" over whatever happened to me in 2010, when I was so extremely ill and in the hospital for over 6 weeks having several surgeries, even a 2nd Heart Attack, yet survived to come home, take months to really "get better" and still be here right now to "tell about it"!! 

 

#HAWMC

My "Annual Christmas Letter for 2016" such a different twist on this past year.

                       “The Steele’s” Annual Christmas Letter 2016 - by Pam Steele 


I have tried to set down at least 10 times and start this Annual Christmas Letter. I've been doing them for many, many years, at least 25 or more. I send them out with my Cards, to family and friends especially those that we don't get to see much anymore.
With what happened for the at least last 6 months of 2015, with the abscesses and cellulitis in my thighs, then my internal pain pump "failed" and it was the last week of the year, December 29th before I was well enough and clear of infections to have the pump replaced.

I did well, and Mom had been giving me certain "signs" for at least 18 months or so, that her "memory" was just not as it used to be. Of course she turned in 80 years old inn August 2015, so our minds, including mine are not what they used to be. Yet, I was with her, or talked to her everyday. I noticed more and more certain things she said, she did, she did not do, and the way she seemed confused at times, really concerned me.

I began to notice her "telling stories" that she absolutely believed happened, and which seemed “odd” at the very least. Yet, what she was telling, just seemed to not at all be something that really ever happened, or would almost be "making-up" portions like she was not sure about all of what she was saying,

I had already fixed everything(bills & such) and it just paid out of her account. Before I did, she made out checks, and did not sign them, or could not "recall" how to spell something such as "one hundred" etc. In January this year, I was getting more concerned by the day. She became to falls. One time, she fell out of her chair in the living room, could not get up, did not have the cordless phone anywhere she could get to, and I felt like she laid in the floor at least 8 hours or so, because I could tell she had cushions under her head, and I would ask her Mom, how long have you been there? She would say, at least 3 or 4 DAYS! No one ever comes to check on me! Well, I had been by the afternoon before. Plus I had talked to her on the phone about 7PM or so, and she was “fine" that same evening earlier I felt like she got up in the night, sat down in her chair in the living room, maybe to get a drink, or sometimes she would have a bad dream, so she would get up, roam around in the dark basically, then sat down in that rocker, fell asleep, and fell out of the chair.I had already gotten onto her about NOT keeping that cordless phone with her at all times, and the doctor even suggested a cell phone or an alarm around her neck. Well, I bought one, and she said she did not know how to use it, so I gave that idea up quickly,

Within about 4 weeks after seeing the doctor, she began to "regress". It was very rapid the way, she went from being able to drive, clean her house, cook, and buy groceries. By the middle of February, she called me and said her "car" would not start. I tried to ask her what she was doing, and I knew she was NOT turning on the ignition, so it would NOT go drive or reverse. I had to jump up, put clothes on (this was early, like 8 or 9AM, she wanted to go to the store)...so sure enough, I go over, open the door, put the key in the ignition, turn it and the car starts, and I could put it into the gear. She was MAD thinking that "I did something". Yet, she just could not recall how to turn on the ignition, and drive. So, immediately I took the keys away, and within a few days, I would go over, and either she could not "light the oven", or she forgot how to use the television. She told me she did not "care about" television anymore. But, she used to watch shows late at night, when she could not sleep.
She could not dial a phone number a number was "messed up" because there was no way she could dial it. So, if I did not call her, or go over there every day, usually several times, I was stressed over what she might do that could harm herself or worse, so I had to check on her.

I had been scheduled for neck and lower back surgery and rescheduled about 4 times from March till May. There was not way I could trust her, even for a day without me going to check k on her, so I turned off the gas to the stove, to the heater, it was not cold anymore anyway, and then she just stopped eating. She began to lose weight, and nothing fit her. She could not take her medications correctly, and would either take them twice, or not at all, mostly, not at all. I even had them in a holder, but she did not know what day of the week it was.

By, May, I had to have help, Her doctor gave us a "script" for home health. The more I was at her home, I began to notice, that the house, that always was spotless... things she would never let go or get dirty, were terrible. She had not been sweeping, the bathroom was terrible, and she had ants everywhere. It took me weeks to finally get rid of all of the ants.
By May, Mom became mainly bedridden. She was "barely knew where she was, who she was, who anyone was", she would not even get on the bedside to clean up, or to get on the portable potty. Then anytime the nurse, the aid, or even I barely touched her to get her cleaned up, she would CRY and fuss, and say were were abusing her and that “I” should be ashamed of myself ofr allowing this all to happen.

She fell again right at the 1st of June, and the nurse for the home health wanted her to be taken to ER. I said NO, her wishes are NOT to be transported, nor on medications or machines, she did not want any tests, no blood work, she just wanted to be left alone. But, that nurse called the ambulance, and after much griping, I let them take her, which was a mistake. They did NOTHING for her, kept her overnight, in a bed, no medications, nothing. They sent her home the next EVENING, now this was like 7PM after being at the hospital all day long and no one doing anything, and then they expected ME TO GET HER UP TWO STAIRS, INTO HER HOUSE, AND IN THE BED BY MYSELF!

I almost fell, she almost fell, and it was the last time I heard her "laugh"... I said MOM, dammit, YOU HAVE TO TAKE TWO STEPS UP, then I can get the walker, and between it, and me helping, we can get this done, BUT I cannot carry you up these steps, and if you fall, I fall, and we both will be in deep "do'do"! She actually kind of giggled, as the neighbor saw us, and she came to help, and we made it in, and made it to the bed. But, I really hurt my neck and back again, and felt it when I did.
It was exactly one week later, on a Thursday morning, I went in to give her the medications "Hospice" was giving her as comfort meds... and I knew then, she would not make it through the day.
About 10AM, something just told me to go in there, and by now she was not responsive at all, nothing. So, I sat down beside her, on the left side, took her tiny frail hand in mine, and began singing 3 Hymns that she always loved to her Dad sing.

I finished the last few words of "Pearly White City", she took a breath, and she was gone.
Oddly enough, the Hospice Nurse knocked on the door within a few minutes, so she came in, took Mom's "pulse", they must check it for 5 minutes before they can "pronounce" them gone. She called the Funeral home for me, and once they arrived, I left and went to "Urgent Care" myself. I had been sick for two weeks so, while I knew I had that time to go and take care of me for a bit, I did. I had already bought her a blouse, and pants, and I took those to the funeral home, picked out the casket, etc. and began to try and "decompress" from all of the shock of it all.
From there, of course family called, and friends, and those who needed to be called.

The service was perfect. I could not have asked for anything that fit any better than how it all came together.

There are still loose ends to work on, decisions to be made, and I hope that I will be able to "finish up the year" having either my cervical neck or lumbar spine surgery.
It has been a year, that if I tried to explain all of it, and the emotions, feelings, and so many things that I've been through, there would be no way, to truly give you real look into how much it all changed me.
My hope is that each of you, your families, friends, and this nation can find a solution, to PEACE, here, and on this Earth!

If I have wished for anything, PEACE is on the top of my list for all,

With my love and Merry Christmas, My prayers are that 2017 bring in light, love, laughter, and a life that is truly in “satisfaction".... along with hope, & a renewed faith and knowing what matters For as I experienced the moments of life are truly fleeting and precious

Rhia and her two "fur-kids" - Bubba and Peanut

When Lupus, RA, & Osteoporosis is taking over Trying to Feel Like Catching Up on my Own Health Issues, Surgery Upcoming on my Cervical Spine and Lumbar spine soon, and everything else that "can happen, will happen" to me

I have been gone for the most part off and on, and also doing a great deal of stuff around the house the past several weeks. 

I have also been battling being ill myself, not knowing whether it's been another flare with the Lupus and RA, or everything else, from a stomach bug, to allergies, and this ever changing weather is NOT helping us either. So, rather than go through the entire ordeal, yes, I've been under the weather since before Thanksgiving, off and on, with a probable Lupus flare, but my cervical spine issues, and my lumbar/sacral spine problems have came to the place I can no longer put off surgery. 

SO, FINALLY YESTERDAY, I did go to Dallas, to my Orthopedic Specialist, to tell him what has been going on, and that I've developed "more symptoms and problems, especially when I was having to take care of Mom, I had done something back then, and also outside trimming trees etc, that BOTH my neck and my lower back need HELP! "HOPEFULLY" HE WILL be able to get me in there, scheduled and get one of the surgeries done before the end of the the year. 

Not that I am looking forward to holidays and surgery, but before all of the new year deductibles and so on roll over for insurance, I feel now is the time to get at least ONE done, and then face the other early next year. I know he thinks we need another CT Scan and I wanted to tell him NO, because I've have way too many, they are expensive, he SAW my NECK DAMAGE ON A REGULAR X-RAY last time I was in there, but I also know due to insurance and their bull, plus he can see if here is NEW damage and be prepared with the right things he needs in surgery to "repair" whatever all is there, so wish me luck. 

I do not like the WEATHER BUT we have been fortunate up until now NOT to have horrible weather as far as cold, dreary mess, and that makes it harder to have to go to Dallas for surgery, and then get home. I am hoping my son will be able to take me, and he said that he is now where he can take me, so if not I maybe calling on one of my close friends to take me up and get the surgery done. It will be one that I should go home that same day, IF it goes as planned and he does not run into further complications once he is in there and can tell what all is happening. I will keep you posted as I can and let you all know what is happening.... Rhia