"Through my heart's work of writing, I share with you my complex journey a top the mountain, sliding down, crawling up, & living through the realms of Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. Taming "The Wolf" Thru each Day... One Step at a Time … Together We Are Learning to Survive. Please follow along, to New Beginnings - looking Thru the Window Pane of Pain in life where we shall find our journey leading us to - New Perspectives
I was almost a "Valentine Baby" LOL!!! But, actually it's cool. My family used to wait and when I was married my husband would, and on the 15th get the flowers, candy and so forth... everything would be half price so I always got more than if it had been just Valentine Day!
My Oldest Grandson, who turned I believe turned 15 last year. It's so hard to believe he looks so "grown up"... It was just yesterday it seems that they had brought him up to see me when he was about 6 weeks old... and to think it's been that many years, well it does seem time goes by all too quickly....
Another one of those touching songs that can bring back so many memories, feelings, emotions, and wondering where either things were so "right" or where they went SO WRONG! Since I met my now "ex" in Seattle WA, this song really hits me about the beach... I lived right at the "Sound" the inlet that you could see from just about anywhere in Seattle if you were high enough, and it was always beautiful. We met there after first meeting online, talking on the phone, and then Memorial Day 2003 we met there on Alki Beach. At first honestly, I thought "he" was not "right" for me... and within a few dates over a couple of weeks, it hit me just how "right" it did feel being with him. I couldn't imagine him "not" in my life... thus our journey began...romance, dating, and doing so many awesome things in and near Seattle. When my lease was up on my apartment that September, I decided to "move in" with him and his friend, and they lived right over the water down in South Seattle... in Renton... 4th of July had been a blast at their house, and the holidays were wonderful... he loved to cook, and I course love to bake, so we had an incredible time cooking during the holidays... after his company closed the doors where he had been working, and we thought they would "move him" with the rest of the company to Florida. We got to go for a week, and I fell in love with Hollywood FL! I never wanted to leave...
Later due to jobs, my Dad passing away... we moved to San Pedro CA, again with the best weather, wearing shorts in October, and right at the ocean front not even 8 blocks away.... So, you see why "beaches, sand, and oceans" all have a place in my heart....
This song just stirs up all of the feelings that I "thought" I had gotten over, I had healed, since to this day, I have no real clue why he left... lots of things in between those 10 years... but nothing I thought would ever break up apart... we were "sewn together" at the hip....
Alas things changed, and I have too. I lost my Mom now, and most of the family are gone, other than cousins... and my two grown kids...
Love has made me soar, and it's shattered me to pieces, like shards of crystal from a wine glass ... and I keep wondering.. my thoughts are that I have "had my chance(s) at true love" and for some reason I just can't get it right... So as my heart bleeds, and my body aches... my mind is reckless, and tossed around.. each day I try and "find a reason" to pick myself up and find something to do....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk1nw4Uoxig&feature=share How can you not be totally moved in emotion by each and every song Keith Urban sings..... it's like pulling on your own heart strings, and each word is like those that come from your own memories, where the deepest of thought fall, spill, and the glass shatters.... and all that you ever wanted to say, all you ever wanted to have pour from your soul... his voice, his lyrics, his harmony tells it all..
I woke up early this morning around four a.m. With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms I've been tryin' my best to get along But that's okay There's nothing left to say, but
Take your records, take your freedom Take your memories I don't need 'em Take your space and take your reasons But you'll think of me And take your cap and leave my sweater 'Cause we have nothing left to weather In fact I'll feel a whole lot better But you'll think of me, you'll think of me
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name Is not knowing what we could have been What we should have been So
Take your records, take your freedom Take your memories I don't need 'em Take your space and take your reasons But you'll think of me And take your cap and leave my sweater 'Cause we have nothing left to weather In fact I'll feel a whole lot better But you'll think of me
I went out driving trying to clear my head I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this And all the baggage that seems to still exist It seems the only blessing I have left to my name Is not knowing what we could have been What we should have bee
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind Don't worry, I'll be fine I'm gonna be alright While you're sleeping with your pride Wishin' I could hold you tight I'll be over you And on with my life
So take your records, take your freedom Take your memories I don't need 'em And take your cap and leave my sweater 'Cause we have nothing left to weather In fact I'll feel a whole lot better But you'll think of me
So take your records, take your freedom Take your memories I don't need 'em Take your space and all your reasons But you'll think of me And take your cap and leave my sweater 'Cause we got nothing left to weather In fact I'll feel a whole lot better But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah
And you're gonna think of me Oh someday baby, someday
Songwriters: Darell R Brown / Dennis Joseph Matkowski / Ty Kelly Lacy
All aspects of autoimmune/chronic pain illnesses, fighting to survive & grow past them, as I now stand alone to disallow these to get me down.
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Has anyone heard of "PPMS"? (Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis)... I was looking into some issues about a right foot, that tends to "hang" at times walking, no matter what shoes or where I am walking, and it's not like "foot drop"... plus I've noticed I "feel" more "clumsy... which I've always been a bit "off" but I am over the past month or so, feeling like I have this "very slight stagger" not like a "drunk can't walk" thing, but just like I will be walking jut fine and suddenly find myself off balance, or like I am stumbling, but not like someone else may notice it... it has not gotten to the point I would assume, anyone else would see it, but I know it's there... I've always kidded myself about "walk much"? LOL, because I sometimes feel as if I walk off step to one side for a step or two... but this is more of that, and it's different from anything else I've experienced. I thought at first "it's all in my head" or I've just been so stressed between doctor's the danged shower drain mess, the cold weather tends to make me "stiff" which causes you to kind of feel off balance at times, and that I just have too many "irons in the fire"... and I really wanted to get back to oil painting (I found out that the guy Bob Ross that taught a couple of decades ago on television, all of his series and episodes are on U-Tube, from the very first one.. and I recall Dad used to watch him... he was fascinated how anyone could do that, yet I found out I was quite good at oil painting and want now with these online video's I could do them right here at home... but I also know I need to be working on getting that back room worked on and other things around here, so between putting myself in a place of "what I "NEED" to do versus what I would LIKE TO DO... I just felt I've been in too big of a hurry lately, causing me to be a bit clumsy at times... Anyway, I found several UR's and information on PPMS but I had not heard of it until I found it today... so I thought I would ask any of you if you knew about it.... https://www.verywellhealth.com/symptoms-of-primary-progressive-multiple-sclerosis-ppms-2440696
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HOW THE BODY "FIGHTS BACK" WITH Chronic Illnesses, against cold weather, too many errands and on the go too much, feeling lousy, sinus infection, too many "doctor's appts" and life with RA, Lupus, Sjogren's and all the others that follow.... Too much this week again and it's only Wednesday! TWO doctor's appts yesterday, labs, market, the post office (by the way stamps are going up I don't recall when she said but I think to 57 cents a piece).... then to the pharmacy... found out I have a darned sinus infection... so I went to get other meds HOPING that after several hours antibiotics would be ready and they were NOT... so now I have to go out into the COLDER WEATHER TODAY, and pick those up..... then my cardiologist thinks that since I am having issues over the past couple of months of feeling"blah"... just not wanting to do things and having to "force" myself to cook and clean etc... and it's not like me to not be LOOKING for something to do, BUT this COLD weather, I cannot handle it, it just makes me want to hibernate like our friendly friends Mr. and Mrs. Bear.... so after I "finish" with catch up on two more doctors appts then we will do the 24 holter monitor... my heart rate was 48 BPM in the morning and only 50BPM when I saw her at 4:00 yesterday, so she is now concerned that the lower heart rate "could be" contributing to me feeling just "lousy".... anyway, I have to now reschedule the appt to see the general surgeon to do the endoscopy and talk to him about trying the new "Colo Guard test" and see what it says. And then I see my Rheumy on Feb 6th, which I think I posted yesterday.... and I was in a hurry so of course I did not recall and get a couple of things on my list... so I have to get out today and get those antibiotics anyway... so I may try to run by the market and pick up the couple of things I forgot... later in the day when it it a "balmy 48 degrees",,, LOL and I STILL am trying to decide about the shower partial clog... actually both were better yesterday, so if I keep on with the dish soap, baking soda and vinegar.. I "MAY" get 'er done myself!" THIS WAS MY FORECAST YESTERDAY!!! I am giving my "weather forecast" for the next 5 days or so... COLD, RAINING, COLD, COLDER, RAINING AND MORE COLD!!!! OR at LEAST THAT IS WHAT MANY OF MY JOINTS, ESPECIALLY MY HIP THAT WAS FRACTURED IS TELLING ME!
Asking for "Your Opinions".... If this had or "did happen" to you in your market, how would you feel about it? I realize there are other subjects, like many of us that are "disabled" and although we go with a disability placard, we may not "look like" something is wrong, oh some days and others we may appear like we feel, and can barely walk. And people are peering at us, or if you have food stamps, and the checkers give us that "look like we are "trash"... or any number of things that as those with "invisible illnesses" may not "go out everyday" appearing as if we are on our "last legs". As I had explained on a teleconference the other day, we still get those "looks".. like we are "faking" . Yet, below is just as bad, although it's not really about illness or disability, it does effect our "health" or could... if you buy a certain products that are "expired" or contain something "odd" that they should not... those very things can hospitalize or even cause someone to lose their life. I talk often about the "stress" of life these days. NOTHING is "simple" anymore. Not one day for most people seems "easy" or "without some type of stress. I realize we are our own "worst enemy" when it comes to causing our lives to be entangled in a mess of bills, jobs, technology... so much that was made to make life and stress less, and jobs better, as we "work ourselves" right out of jobs, or the computer gives us "more trouble" than making something quicker. We have taken away the "human contact" that used to be something we enjoyed. And the "automated" phone calls have just about gotten to where it's impossible to "talk to a "human" on the phone. After 45 minutes of the run a round, from one "voice", music", another voice, another hold, and then they either "hand up" or say "leave a message and they will return your call in 24 hours." I had posted below on my Facebook page, but it reminded me of another conversation I just had over the weekend, and just how it effects those who are "chronically ill" and all of us.... so I wanted to add it in. Well ALL of you are in agreement with my thoughts. IF I was a manager or owner of a market, and NO MATTER who the "vendor" was, if my employees saw a product "expired" on the shelves, they would be instructed to bring it to me, or the management, and let the manager handle it when the vendors came in and yes, I agree those vendors must have an "inventory" of stores, what products they leave, what dates those products expire, and it is of course their responsibility to pick those up and replace them. BUT, what irked me yesterday and my problem is this is AN ONGOING VERY FREQUENT ISSUE WITH THE STORE... it is NOT just "one product" it's their "vendors", it is "their own STORE BRAND" and she would not even "listen" to me.... when I was trying to explain, (I had bought two "Mrs. Baird's" pies one cherry and one peach on the 9th. The same day I bought some candles marked down that were marked to 3.88 and had been 7.99 "Frebreeze" brand... which I usually don't buy those, but they were a good price for that, so I bought two of them. I got home, and as soon as I took the little plastic top off of one, a piece of the glass was "chipped" and fell off into the candle. Well, some people may not use those glasses left, but I use the "candle containers" especially the large glass ones with lids for everything. I have LOTS of them, and they are good for so many things that I put in them... so first of all that chip was where you could cut your finger, or it might "crack" when the candle was burning, plus although this one did not have a "lid" I knew I would find some use for it, so I took it back the very next day on the 10th... to exchange it, and I was going to buy a 3rd one because I did like the way the one I had burned smelled and it burns down "correctly" and it didn't burn up within a few hours... I took my receipt and the chipped one to customer service, and the one lady took it with the receipt and I went to get one to replace it and another one to buy. Well when I got back, another girl, who happened to be the girl that was sacking my stuff the day before with the candles because she even wrapped them in paper sacks so they would not get broken.... and the candle and my RECEIPT and the other woman had "disappeared".... well for the moment, the girl knew about the ordeal, since she was the one that sacked my stuff the day before, so she did an exchange (and by the way when I was back picking out those 2) I picked up about 7 or 8 OF THEM AND EVERY GLASS WAS CHIPPED OFF IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE! And I even told her, that those were marked down BUT really with those chips in them they should mark them down more... anyway, I get home, and I had NOT opened those two Mrs. Baird's pies yet... so on the 10th in the evening, I did open the cherry one just to take a small bite... I was starving, I had not eaten since breakfast and just wanted a bite until dinner... well as soon as I pulled it out of the box, the "little bit of glazing" usually on them was "gone" as if it soaked into the pie and the crust was almost mushy... so I looked at the expiration date and it was dated JANUARY 7TH, 2019!!! I had bought it on JANUARY 9TH!!! So then I "look at the date on the peach one" and it was dated for a couple of weeks ahead BUT I open it up and took a small bite and it had 'NEON LIKE PINK STUFF" right inside the crust in places...!!! I even looked to make sure I had not touched something and did it myself, but no I had just washed my hands and there was NOTHING like that to get on that pie! So, I boxed both of them up and took them back on the 11th!!!! Well the woman that waited on me has worked their since "grass" started to grow LOL... forever... and RATHER THAN LISTEN TO ME because I was going to mention the expired yogurt, the fruit with gnats all over it, fruit with mold on it, expired bread, and other things, cheese I had bought shredded that should have been good until Mid Feb. and got mold on it by the 3rd 2nd week in January, and just a number of things they either DO NOT STOCK ANYMORE, OR NEVER STOCK ENOUGH, or it's expired AND NOT JUST ONE BRAND, IT'S THE STORE BRANDS STUFF, ALONG WITH VENDORS STUFF ALSO... and she kept saying "do you want two pies" or what" I finally said NO, I WANT MY MONEY BACK! She did NOT want to even hear a word, blamed it ON STRICTLY THE VENDORS AND SAID IT WAS NOT THEIR JOB, and the people behind me I am sure heard it all, and she did not LIKE the fact, I was griping about their stuff. I took my 2.00 and left to pick up something I needed... Well, I walk back to where there are some "Bimbo baked goods... and I picked up a couple of different ones because they had them marked 3 for 3.00 IF you BUY 3! Well, EVERY ONE WAS EITHER OUT OF DATE BY 2 OR 3 DAYS, OR WAS GOING OUT OF DATE THAT DAY OR THE NEXT!!!!! I sat right there and I am sure anyone close heard me say, YEAH AND I GUESS IT'S NOT THESE EMPLOYEES OR MANAGERS RESPONSIBILITY TO SELL OUT OF DATE MERCHANDISE THAT COULD MAKE SOMEONE SICK! I was so pissed... there fortunately was only 3 things I needed and it took me 15 minutes to FIND THE DAMNED DATES ON THEM! THAT IS ANOTHER GRIPE OF MINE... THE manufacturer's either put those expiration dates OVER THE OTHER WRITING, OR SO SMALL YOU CAN'T FIND IT, OR IN THE SAME COLOR OF A COLOR ON THE LABEL, anything to "HIDE the damned date stuff expires" because they do not WANT US TO FIND THOSE DATES!!!!
