Keith Urban Lyrics, and trying to hold myself together after... 2 years today since Mom passed away, and the loneliness of the loss of her, Dad, Tazzy, Bub's and my love..

Yes, today and yesterday have been difficult for me. Yesterday, things, several things really hit me, right in the gut, literally. By the time I got home from Wally World, I was physically sick to my stomach, and felt horrid all day long. It was so bad, I never ate anything for dinner at all. I fed the pups, and they "knew" "Mommie" was not feeling well. 

They cuddled up with me on the sofa, and would not leave my side. of course today is the 2 year anniversary of my Mom passing away. In my mind, I've played over and over what our doctor we saw, usually had our appts on the same day, used to tell her. He would say that she was going to "outlive" him and I... not that he meant that "badly"... because of course with my health issues, he knew that it was a true statement, but he wanted my Mom to pull herself out of where she would "think she was too old for this, that or the other, so it was his way of telling her at the time "health wise" Mom was much more "healthy" than many of us. Yet, although she was, never did he even believe how quickly she went downhill when the Lewy Body Dementia hit.

 I had seen signs for a while, before she really got so bad. Here and there, being forgetful, losing things, not recalling events, yet of course at 80 years old, heck at 40, 50 and 60 years old many of us are "forgetful"... I blame the "world" we live in for the stress and strain, the toll our minds and bodies take these past 25 years or so... things used to be so much simpler, it seemed the "burdens" we have now, were not as they were back then. 

From the selfish ways many of us have abused our water, land and air, to technology that in ways is wonderful, yet in ways, it has caused families to not spend "time" together... kids and parents on their phones, the computers, playing games, you name it, we tend to "have something else more, better, important, than a family meal together, or a quiet night without a TV, phone, or computer. I realize that NOT everyone has given up what family time is, and it seems that some have tended to "go back" to that time... when everyone was at the dinner table, no TV, no phones, just dinner, and asking one another how their days were. I had those all my younger life... and until my kids were well into being teenagers, for the most part we also spent nights together, around the dinner table, talking to each other, and caring. I know that has carried on to my daughter and her family. Of course we are "busy" but for the most part, her children, husband and her spend their dinner time together, sharing in one another's lives. There is so much that I think about when i think of my Mom... 

Mom never "gave me crap" about tattoo's, belly rings, tongue rings... she may have not agreed, but, she knew that I had my own personal reasons for all of it, and she was never one to put me down for making those choices. Mom spoke her mind though... anyone that knew her, knew that what came out of her mouth, was her personal thoughts, and she expressed them. Not that it was always "in a proper place" or said in a "proper way" but it was Mom, and you had to accept that part of her. So often, she was overly concerned about my health and me. Sometimes to the point I think she worried herself way too much. 

But, she knew the pain and suffering I endured, mentally, physically and emotionally, and many times she told me, she could never "brave" what I went through daily. Yet, I always told her, that she need not worry, I am a survivor, and what is, what happens, why it happens, I don't know but I do know it serves a purpose. She was so proud of me... when I went to college and worked full time, and took care of my home and family, she was my greatest fan! She urged me to oil paint, and especially all of my poetry and writing. When I published my first two books, she cried tears of joy, for she always knew I had something very special, that gave me the words to write, and how much I touched the hearts of those around me. She was always the one to encourage me, whatever it was, she knew I could do it. LOL, so often she told me I should have went to medical school. I would have been such an asset to many as a doctor, or in research. 

When I got to go to Washington DC with the Arthritis Foundation, that was a moment that she also cherished with me. My walls around my desk are covered in the awards, the recognition, the paper clippings when I had an article in our local paper. The Proclamations for Lupus, for RA, signed by our Mayor and some signed by our Governor. Mom was my best friend, after I was alone, she became the one that stood with me, that talked to me, that helped me carry on, even though I was in such a mess after being separated. She understood, because after Dad passed away, Mom was very frightened of what might happen. Coming back to TX was a ver difficult thing for me, I never wanted to leave Seattle, but she needed me, so I came back here to help her. I miss her every day, and even though Dad passed away n 2005, I still miss him. 

Often thinking to myself, that we would be fishing today if he were here. Or I would be visiting, or we may be going to the casino tomorrow if she were here.... all of the things and many many more that I so miss... from the little things to the small things, after the loss of my parents, losing my Pug Tazzy, and then losing Bub's after I broke my hip.... losses that cut right to my core, and then Jim no longer here... my world on some days seems so upside down..... So, Mom, I hope you know how much I miss you and Dad, and there are days it is s struggle... but I put ne foot in front of the other and try to----- carry on

Cure Click and NEW Clinical Trial with Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder that involves excessive daytime sleepiness (a “sleep attack”). Cataplexy is a sudden, temporary loss of voluntary muscle control that may be triggered by a strong emotion (like laughter).

A new clinical research study is looking at how safe an investigational medication is, and how well it works, for cataplexy and excessive daytime sleepiness in people who have narcolepsy with cataplexy (narcolepsy type 1).

For patients who meet the study criteria, the trial will last up to 22 weeks. All study medication and study-related procedures will be provided at no cost to you. The study will involve visits to a study site.

Sign up to take part in a clinical trial. You can learn more and begin the qualification process at https://trials.autocruitment.com/forms/NarcolepsyStudy15-006_CC/

DIABETES 2 NEW CLINICAL TRIAL BY CURE CLICK!

If type 2 diabetes symptoms aren't well managed, it can be difficult and expensive to find new medication options. A new study is now available that is comparing two FDA-approved type 2 diabetes medications. Researchers are looking for volunteers from diverse ethnic and racial backgrounds to take part.

You may qualify to take part if you:

• Are 18 or older
• Have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes for at least one year
• Have uncontrolled diabetes as demonstrated by a HbA1c between 7.5% and 10%
• Are Hispanic/Latino, African American/Black, or Asian

If you or a loved one are experiencing issues with their management of type 2 diabetes, act now! #type2diabetes #sponsored #cureclick

Happy Memorial Day and also Come One, and All to the National Polka Festival!

Time for the Polka lots of it, much "Pivo" for many, so much of a crowd from all over the world for the National Polka Festival, food, fun, and a parade, plus much more. Anyone who has never been to it for the weekend that actually some of it begins today, then the main kick-off is the parade at 10AM tomorrow morning.. from there dancing in the streets and some of our streets are STILL the original brick.. much eating, and I am sure even more BEER flowing, for as the song goes, "In Heaven there is No Beer.".. just one of the many songs that will grace the airway of our town this weekend!

Article from Texas Man and his story about Chronic Pain

https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2018/5/9/our-government-is-murdering-its-own-citizens

I am about to start raising holy hell because I now have nothing to lose. The doctor that has been taking care of me the last 5 years is suddenly scared to death and cutting my pain meds, while my insurance is cutting my benefits and raising my deductible and co-pays.... see the rest of the story at the Pain News Network at the link above:...

Terrible and Frightening News from the Pain News Network for Chronic Pain Patients and those following Major Surgeries and More!

Pain sufferers and patient advocates are overwhelming opposed to plans by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration to further restrict the supply of opioid medication to punish drug makers that allow too many of their painkillers to be diverted and abused. ... news story follows down at link:...






https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2018/5/9/critics-say-dea-plan-could-worsen-opioid-shortages

(From the Pain News Network) Recent Death of a "Chronic Pain Patient" partially blamed on the DEA and their horrible outlook as far as pain patients....

This story is both sad and sickening. I've had this very conversation many times with my Mom, before she passed away.
She told me often she didn't see how I could withstand the amount of pain I put up with almost daily at times... And as I told her, it is NOT easy! You try in every way to "put it out of your mind" but there are days it can be overwhelming and here it one example of how a 41 year old Mom and beautiful young woman could no longer deal with the scope of possibly not being able to curb the severity of pain she was going through...

https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2018/4/30/death-of-pain-patient-blamed-on-dea

UPDATED PATIENT GUIDE FOR ICER REVIEW OF MIGRAINE PREVENTION MEDICINES

GUIDANCE ON PATIENT SUBMISSIONS DURING PUBLIC COMMENT PERIOD

DUE BY MAY 8, 2018

Now is the time for all of us to tell our journey through the maze of Migraine Hell! Please see the URL for further information or if you would like to participate. 

Here is the full URL to see the information:

https://www.headachemigraineforum.org/icer/

Fed Up With Pharmacists, Doctor's, Lupus, Medications and Fed up with too many side effects! Loving Fishing, and Better Weather

Was out at the lake yesterday, but the wind picked up the wrong direction and I had to come home. I can't stand in the sun due to the Lupus and meds etc... and I HOPE I finally have some sunblock for my FACE that DOES not cause breakouts. I FINALLY ALSO GOT HUMANA AFTER 4 WEEKS OVERDUE OF MY RA MEDICATION BACK ON TRACK! THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DELIVER IT TUESDAY! I hope so, my fingers, THUMBS ARE THE WORST, WRISTS, ANKLES, EVERYTHING IS SO STIFF, HURTS, I COULD NOT EVEN BUTTON OR UNBUTTON MY JEANS OR ANYTHING THESE PAST FEW DAYS... 

I can't cut up fruit, and even trying to be out yesterday cutting a few tree branches down for the trash, I accidentally hit one of the branches on my leg, and it was just a little nick, and it bled everywhere. I had to come in and I already have spots on that foot and ankle where mosquito's bit me and it itched so badly, I've got a rash where I scratched it in the night... So I've had to bandage up my foot so much it looks like I cut off half my foot!!! And it's just a few scratches mainly, but if I don't the pups want to lick it, and then I was outside this morning, weed eating and spraying the weeds in the back, raking up and so forth. So, I fear infection so badly. Ever since the incident on both thighs where I had the cellulitis, that turned into "holes" in my legs, and I still have terrible scars, that although I went to the wound care people for 6 weeks in Dallas, they still never really healed where they covered over and look nice. I am almost embarrassed. Between those, the cuts on my knees from the replacements, and now for some reason, I have "spider" veins so badly in my ankles they look horrible!!! And it is so odd, I never had any problems, then about a year ago or more, 

I began getting them all over both ankles. I don't know if me spraining them so badly, that Sunday of Mom's funeral, and I had already sprained the right one twice before, if they "broke" those vessels that badly or what, but they are so ugly. I've asked the doctors and they told me that insurance probably would not pay for it. But, they also tend to "seep" under the skin, so at times those ankles where the spider veins are so bad will "weep" and cause my ankles to swell. I know they have new treatments now. They used to put saline through them, and they said it hurts like hell. But, now I think they can "laser" them... I am thinking about going back to the foot specialist I saw with my ankles being so badly sprained they would not quit hurting. Plus the right one would swell so much, I could not walk on it. He put an injection of corticosteroids in it, and that really helped to stop the swelling and pain. But, the spider veins make my ankles look like I am an old, old lady! I guess though after all of the surgeries and scars from them, I get to where I don't care if people think they look bad or not! I refuse to COVER UP and burn up and not wear shorts, when it's hot! 

Anyway, been a busy week, and I've been busy every day doing something. I still have not done  that stupid lab work, but it has to be fasting, and I get up so early, I can't go for hours without my coffee or tea... last time I ate breakfast early, then went for 8 hours without food and then went in that afternoon for the blood work, rather then trying to go in at 8AM. And I got kind of peeved at my Cardiologist last week. ^ months ago when I was there, we talked about putting in a pacemaker, due to my heart rate being so slow especially at night. It will be at 43 beats or less at times, and she suggested since I take the medication for the "extra beat" I have she could do the pacemaker. But, of course once it's there it is forever. So, this time she talked about sending me to a "heart rythym" specialist. She said he could possibly try a "different medication" or decide whether to do the pacemaker.. Well I said, 1st of all, I am taking too many meds as it is and I am just about ready to throw them all out the window and use "natural" supplements, because each time we try a new medication, I have problems from it. Then she admitted she DID NOT do the "medications" this specialist does "because there are so many side effects"... so I said well then, "if" I decide I am "bothered" too much by the arrythymia THEN she could DO THE PACEMAKER AS WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT! She was the one who just told me 6 months ago,, the pacemaker was the simplest way to "correct" the slow heart rate!!!!! So, WHY WOULD I GO TO YET ANOTHER SPECIALIST, THAT FIRST OF ALL UNLESS IT'S LIFE OR DEATH, I AM NOT TAKING ANY NEW MEDICATIONS!!! I am FED UP WITH THEM, AND ALL OF THE SIDE EFFECTS THEY CAUSE!!! 2ND OF ALL, she can do the pacemaker right here in my hometown, as a day surgery, and I can go home in a few hours. I DO NOT NEED OR WANT YET ANOTHER "SPECIALIST" THAT I HAVE TO GO TO DALLAS AND TRAVEL TO SEE! It's bad enough with the Rheumy, Pain doctor, and the Orthopedic surgeon, without adding to the list!!!!!

FED UP WITH PHarmacies, and them "not doing what the doctors tell them to do!" This means YOU HUMANA!!!

FED UP WITH HUMANA SPECIALTY PHARMACY! They have SCREWED UP 3 WEEKS IN A ROW, & I STILL DO NOT HAVE MY RA MEDICATION!!!!!

I'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE WITH THEM AT LEAST 5 OR 6 TIMES! EACH time they have "a different" reason, and I told them I am fed up and this is why I DESPISE USING A MAIL ORDER PHARMACY! You "never get a straight" story" as you do when you can see the pharmacist face to face!

I got so mad this morning after weeks of them "making every excuse" when basically THEY WANT TO TELL MY DOCTOR WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T TAKE! WHICH IS BULL! But, I "chewed her out" and hung up... the woman on the phone, was already being a bit "rude" and that just make me more upset, so I told her off, (but I did not say any curse words() LOL although I wanted to! And just hung up on her, THEY ALWAYS TRY TO BLAME IT ON THE DOCTORS! When it is THEM THAT HAVE SCREWED UP!!!!!

They always want to "say the doctors office is messed up" when it is usually THEM THAT ARE MAKING THE MISTAKES! Plus now they as I said on Facebook, want to "tell our doctors" what they "can and can't do"....

It is none OF THEIR BUSINESS OTHER THAN TO FILL THE MEDICATIONS AND GET THEM TO THE PATIENTS!!!
They are causing me needless pain, needless wasting of my time on the phone again and again. They are WASTING THE DOCTORS TIME, with Paperwork"