TOADY IS THE DAY TAKE TIME TO GIVE YOUR OPINIONS on this Open Docket from the CDC in reagrd to Pain Medications, and "Regulations" - you have till Jan 13th

Everyone DO NOT FORGET ABOUT GETTING YOUR COMMENTS IN ON THIS CDC/HUMAN RESOURCE OPEN to the Public comments that begins today and we have until Jan 13th (I believe to put our comments in) here is the page with everything on it.
This is OUR chance to GIVE OUT thoughts on how many of us cannot be without the proper medications in order to have a "quality of life"..... I realize there is much controversy out there, but we need to give our suggestions and opinions now.... there are many people that can't afford a "specialist in pain management) ... so their PCP help to take care of that... and they do a great job (the ones that do it properly) but now our doctors are running scared of being shut down, or their licenses taken away for good, due to all of the "jumbled" mess that you can read that is included with the docket and so forth.... take time and tell your "story"... tell your own experiences, and let our government know that some of us need those medications and I say it frequently, to have A QUALITY OF LIFE!

http://www.regulations.gov/#!docketBrowser;rpp=25;po=0;dct=N%252BFR%252BPR%252BO;D=CDC-2015-0112

CDC OPENS COMMENTS From the PUBLIC ABOUT OPIOID MEDICATIONS AND CHRONIC PAIN!!!!! PLEASE READ AND GET YOUR COMMENTS IN! WE HAVE A VOICE!!!!

http://nationalpainreport.com/cdc-re-opens-door-for-public-comment-on-opioid-prescribing-guideline-amid-scrutiny-and-criticism-8828673.html

CDC Re-Opens Door for Public Comment on Opioid Prescribing Guideline Amid Scrutiny and Criticism

Posted on December 11, 2015 in Consumer, Pain Medication, Government with 11 Comments

Under mounting criticism from patients, physicians and industry, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced it has opened a second period for public comment on its Guidelines for Prescribing Opioids for Chronic Pain, the agency made public in a notice in the Federal Register.
CDC’s draft guidelines will be available on Monday, December 14, 2015, at http://www.Regulations.gov for review and comment. The public comment period opens December 14, 2015 and closes January 13, 2016.

see the link about with the rest of the information!!!!!


Here is another link about this that came out this morning!


Will CDC Start Listening to Chronic Pain Patients? — Pain News Network

"Sharing" My Annual Christmas Letter with Each of You! - And Wishing you a Wondrous Holiday Season Despite Chronic Illness/Pain,RA,Lupus,FM, Sjogren's and More

I debated as to whether to "share" this with everyone here or not... but I feel I truly need to share "my own family, trials, tribulations, and hope that through my own "life's eyes" you can find your own "spirit" to write, email or tell your family, and extended family that "life" can sometimes be not so great, yet the "hope, faith, peace and spirit" can exist in spite of all that life decides to throw our way..... so here it is....




              ********** And Here’s A Merry Christmas Straight to You From Texas!*********


I feel as if i just completed my “Annual Christmas Letter” and once again, another year is flying by quickly. It is like with each year that passes, they seem to be shorter in length. Yet, it seems it takes me 3 times as long to accomplish anything!


Age, a subject most of us prefer not to talk about in length. Another thing is that with each birthday celebration, I feel like they come around twice a year rather than once. As I have told my son and daughter, Jason (who is 37), and Amanda (who is now 31), enjoy each moment, and savor all of the memories you can soak in, because as it used to feel when we are young, time seems to “drag” by,

Then we become adults with jobs, families, spouses, and the hectic times we live in, and time just flies by, and sometimes our memories of the good things we have seen, done, accomplished, been through, all tend to fade…

The holiday seasons always tend to bring back so many wonderful memories, of those Christmas’ when the kids were little, all of the decorating, baking, cooking, and parties that I had and went to, and how life gives us a great deal of good times, yet we tend to take them for granted. I know I have at times for sure.

Then with age, definitely comes some wisdom, and as I look back, I have had many “fulfilling” adventures, even though at the time I may not have realized it. Yet, when I think about my trips, whether vacations, with my parents, or with my own kids, or the times I took off on my own, and kind of let the wind carry me away… I always knew my “destination”… but it was always the journey to get there that made it exciting, and finally allowed to me look back and see just how “strong” (emotionally and mentally) I’ve been for the most part in my life.

So, as I try my best to “tap out” another Holiday Letter, I find myself almost as a loss for “words of true spirit” and good things from 2015. There is so much that has happened over the course of 20 plus months to my family and myself, that it will take another small “novelette” to give all of you the details of what has gone on.

The accident in 2014, that Jim, my husband was in, and the lawsuit that followed, finally came to a close the first week in November. Much to all of our surprise, it did NOT end on a “good note” for us. Basically, the jury decided it was NOT the truck driver’s fault (even though he completely ran over the back of our car and never slowed down etc.) and even though the other side tried to say our “car” was not in good shape, (they had someone say that the hood flew up while Jim was driving the car”, which I know and all of us know that did NOT happen, and never would have. My car, was in perfect condition to be on the road, and that hood was completely latched down, and did not just “suddenly” fly up. We have no way to “prove” it, but even our own lawyers tend to believe there was some “hush money”, and these “so-called” witnesses, that happened to have been outside in their yard, on a very busy I-45 coming into Dallas, and at that moment “saw” the hood open… that chances of that, you could win the lottery before that would happen. Yet, we have no way to prove that people lied on the witness stand, and I also feel there was something odd about the “jury”… I felt again, someone had been “paid” to keep their mouths shut, OR rule “no one at fault”… anyway, it left all of us devastated, more than you can even know. That accident has “wrecked” Jim’s life, especially physically, but mentally and emotionally. It totally wrecked my life, harmed my own health, and upset of course Mom, and my two children Jason and Amanda. So, due to a “truck driver” who was “on a cell phone with his brother”, and ran over the back of our car, we still basically “lost” any and all help with Jim’s medical bills, his future needs medically, he is unable to work full time due to what they now feel was more of a concussion than they first realized, he is partially paraplegic, and can walk on a cane some, but needs a wheelchair if it is a longer distance… and more than that, he moved back to Seattle 6 months ago. I am still not even sure why, other than he felt he was a “burden” on me… and that my health was suffering, and I was having to do everything, he could not cook, drive, even get down the steps by himself, and then I had Mom’s things I am doing also… thus we are still friends, and talking, keeping in touch… but whether we will ever “regain” our 13 YEARS together, 10 of those married this year in April, is still yet to be seen.

That is why partially I almost decided “not” to write this Annual Christmas Letter this year. I feel there is not a great deal of “good” that has happened to any of us over the course of 2015. In fact, Mom has not been well, and she has issues with her lumbar spine, and is getting ready to have lumbar injections in the next week or so. My internal “pain pump” also “stalled”, & I need surgery to replace it. But. 4 months ago I came down with two “lumps” one on each upper thigh, originally thought to be cellulitis. After 4 or 5 weeks of antibiotics, I was sent to a surgeon, to “incise” them, and he was NOT the doctor who should have done those procedures. I now have been going to a wound care specialist for 4 weeks in Dallas every week, so they will get well enough I can even have surgery. I also have lumbar/sacral back problems that need surgery, and without my Rheumatoid Arthritis medications, (they took me off them when I had the increase of infections with the cellulitis), so my pain level, without the pain pump, and even on oral medications do not even “touch” the horrid pain I’ve been in now for 3 or 4 months.

Mom also had some issues due to medications, and had some kidney functions problems, that they feel have been cleared up. But, she is also in pain, with her back, and the sciatic pain, but also she at 80 this year is suffering from arthritis pain several places. She had been on Celebrex, but it is the NSAIDS that caused the kidney function problems, so she cannot take any NSAIDS to help with arthritis pain. She is also on some pain medication, and we hope the epidural injections give her some relief from the back and sciatic pain.

Amanda, Jimbo, Heather, James, and Logan are doing well. I finally got to visit with them during Thanksgiving. It had been a long time since we had seen one another, so I was so thrilled that they got to come up, even though it was not long enough. Heather, their daughter will graduate this year, and already has decided to go into the Marines. She wants to be in the medical field, and feels enlisting will give her the education, the discipline and all she needs to succeed in the medical field. I am so proud of all of them. They are a wonderful wife and husband, Mom and Dad, and Amanda is an awesome daughter!

Jason has a new job, working with some electrical devices that he enjoys. So, he is doing okay. He would like to get a bit more established, and get an apartment up in the area where he is working. So, he is busy working to fulfill his goals, and he also plays guitar and sings with some of the local bands in the Dallas area. He really loves the guitar and playing. He has always been so great at that. I love music, dancing, and singing… and wished I had the talent many years ago, to do something in the music field.

But, I do write lyrics, and still practice my singing and playing the drums sometimes. I just bought a pair of boots and jeans (well waiting on the jeans to come in, I ordered them too large, so waiting on the smaller pair to come in), so I can go out and see if I can still “scoot a boot”. It has been a long time, and have not tried since both knee were replaced. So, I hope I can still love across that dance floor.

From all of us, myself, Mom, Amanda, Jason, and family… we wish you a very Happy and Merry Christmas! May the New Year 2016, bring you peace, good health, happiness, and hope. May you be blessed and overflowing with all things good!

Love you…. Pam (Rhia)

Sharing Life, Holidays, Up's, Down's, Reality, and Dealing/Coping with Holidays when You are Chronically Ill/Pain & have a broken heart, along with problems that follow....

First I share some "Good News" and Happenings lately in my life. After Losing my Pug, Tazzy here about 3 months ago, and she was a Christmas Present 14 years ago, from my "husband", (we are now separated) & Bub's and I, (my Chiweenie, who is 5) were really down and out about the holidays. My "body" really would not allow me to climb into the attic for the big tree and decorations, so I bought a small tree, and put 14 years of Sleigh Bell's, one for every year my husband and I had been together.

Then I and Bub's have been fortunate enough to have a brand new "fur-baby" addition to the family just this week! He is only about 3 months old, and his name is "Peanut". I've officially adopted him, so he is getting used to myself and Bub's, and we are learning to adapt to a new baby in the house! But, I think he is really the best "Christmas" present we could ever have, and I am so grateful he came along at just the right time.

I adopted him from a local non-profit here in my area called "Tales of Hope". It is all volunteers, who take the pups into their "foster care" until they find homes and owners for them. I am happy my Vet suggested I adopt from them, and so far it has been a very peaceful and simple thing to go through. He came and had a "house visit" for 4 or 5 days, to see if he and us were all a good fit, and then just a matter of a bit of paperwork, they take care of his puppy boosters, micro-chipping, and then neutering, in a few months when he is old enough... so we are happy he has joined us.


Here are some photo's I've taken, of them, of myself lately, and me trying to put "me" back together again, after my husband no longer here, and then of course we lost the lawsuit over the 18 wheel tractor trailer that RAN OVER HIM WHILE THE DRIVER WAS ON HIS CELL PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER!

Needless to say, I know I have told some of that story, but was kind of under a "gag" order until after the trial, which was the 1st week in November. You can imagine where that left myself, but much more than that my husband, who suffered MANY terrible injuries, of which left him partially paraplegic, without some of his "memory for things such as current", and harmed his concentration levels a great deal. All of that with the pain and suffering, from having his back basically broken in "two", with 9 fusions down the thoracic spine, and wired together... he has more "broken" ribs, that not, and a concussion, that they did not realize how badly it effected him until months and months after the accident. He is a web developer, designer, and has been for 20 years, and that takes a huge amount of concentration, and the ability to "hold onto" information as far as not only long term, but short term... which all suffered from the accident. So, without any settlement funds, he is basically not able to get health insurance, cannot apply for federal disability because he had worked for himself so many years, and made well below the amount to pay in social security. The job he had before then, he did pay in, but as we know, that has to be within so many "months" before you apply and he of course did not have those "units" before, since it has been years since he paid in from a regular job.


The pain and suffering harmed my own health of course, and he had been somewhat my "caretaker" when I had surgeries, or flares with the Lupus/RA, or was too ill. He did some of the cooking, running errands, going to the market, etc... and after the accident, he could not even walk down two steps at our front porch, much less walk in a store, drive, or do anything that required, bending, lifting, carrying and so forth. So, as any spouse would have done, I "negated" my own issues, as far as health, trying to help him heal, both physically and mentally... all the while I started getting ill with more flares, and just have one crisis after the other with my own health, and mentally of course I felt almost as if I had "lost" myself and him... I feel I was "grieving" over losing my own "health" and then to watch him change, I grieved over losing him and us.


I know in MY HEART AND SOUL.... THOSE PEOPLE on THE OTHER END OF THE LAWSUIT FLAT LIED IN DEPOSITIONS, AND ON THE STAND, I BELIEVE THEY "PAID OFF" THESE TWO SO CALLED WITNESSES, THAT I KNOW COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SITE OF THAT BUSY HIGHWAY COMING INTO DOWNTOWN DALLAS, I-45 THAT DAY! But, I KNOW SOMEONE USED THEIR MONEY AND POWER, AND PEOPLE TO LIE, thus we lost the suit...

BUT, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... IT ALWAYS DOES... AND SOMEDAY, they WILL PAY FOR THEIR OWN WAYS, in some form or fashion... we "never" have to take "revenge" for I've seen it happen too many times... THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE, are taken care of by their own misdeeds. We must just let it go... and "Let God".... I guess would be the proper saying.... How how, some day the "truth" will come out.... it may not "help" us by then, but when it does, it will effect their lives, and then someday they may understand just how horrible our lives have been, and what they have taken away from a marriage, a family, two people, and all we feel we "lost" within those seconds of that accident....


All right, so now I have that part out.... I am taking one step at a time, one breath, one "breath's space", and one moment, day, week... as they come... There is not much else I can do but either "give up"... or move forward... as the song, "too much time to make up, everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, too much water moving underneath the bridge, let the water come and carry us away"  Crosby, Stills, and Young ...


And I have experienced so many wonderful thing in my life, things I felt I would never be able to do... travel by myself to states and states... move to a wonderful city and stay for 5 years, Seattle, snow ski at Wolf Creek Pass CO, see the beauty of Santa Fe, see a baseball game in Phoenix, make a drive all the way to Nebraska to meet a friend, to have many friends that are "miles away" but close at heart... publish not just one but 2 BOOKS, and working on this 3rd one.... dance, sing, play the drums, write music, play the piano and keyboard, go to college and get my Associate Degree, although NOT in the subject I wanted... run a "retail women's store".......see the ocean in FL, in TX (The gulf), the the Sound in Seattle, take a ferry to Bainbridge Island, see the beaches in CA, Go to Vegas, have many vacations I remember as a child with my parents, experience things I thought I may never.... BUT, STILL, I have so many more I want to do, to see, to experience, and of course go to WASHINGTON dc and "stand upon the White House Steps, and tell Congress how I feel about those in need with Lupus, RA,JRA, Osteoarthritis, and many more chronic health conditions....


My "hopes" are that my life gets back on a "new track", in a very good way beginning January 2016. My hope is that I can get back to my writing, and finish my 3rd book, and have it published. I also hope that I can find the "finances" somehow to get my home "finished"... there are so many "small" things that need to be completed, and without lots of cash, that makes it difficult to do. I really don't need a great deal of materials, and what I need is not all that expensive, but it is the "labor", and finding someone to come and do what "I can't do"... I can paint, sand, (have a new idea about my kitchen,bathroom, and laundry room floors that will cost a lot less)... I need some wall boarding put up in the spare bedroom, and in my laundry room. But, the most expensive thing I truly need is a new roof on my house. This one really is in bad shape, and I am very concerned about the Spring and Summer, and stormy weather... plus my entire outside of the house needs painting, which some of that I can do... it is the higher parts, where I have to be up on a ladder higher than I should be that I will need help with. I am going to try and put new "hog wire" fencing up around my back yard, and most of the posts are there, but I need some help getting a couple of dead trees out of the way, and then probably getting the fencing tight enough, plus this back 1/2 acre or so of land that is mine, truly needs to be completely cleaned up. I have a huge pecan tree that died and most of it is down, but it needs to go... plus some other smaller trees be cut down, and trimmed... then I have a piece of an old bus, that was here, when I bought the house, and it needs to be hauled away. It is old, an eye sore, and someone could probably take it with a trailer, and sell it for the scrap metal... so some things are more just time, others I need a bit of cash, and others are in need of assistance, and then of course the roof, that means about 5,000.00 or so....

So, my hopes are that I can stay well enough, to get at least "some" of these projects accomplished as far as the house, I can finish my book and get it published, can get a surgery out of the way I am in need of, and maybe two.... plus just find "myself" a new light, a new path, and follow my heart... go back to dancing, singing, listening to music, and doing what my "body" allows me to do....

My wishes are that YOU, shall also find your path, your light, and your "love" of what ever that may be, whether of the human heart, of a new job, a new place to live, or just doing some of the things in life we tend to put off.... and we never know if "tomorrow" nor the next breath will be here....

I am putting up some pics, and links of some of my "wishes", and my ow hopes for my life the comes with each step I make forward..... Honestly, I've spent way too many years putting everyone else "1st" in life.... and all of what I want, need, or wish always goes on the very back burner... and there shall be some that are not "happy" with this decision... but I am chronically ill, I have many health issues, and I stay in severe pain most days, and I feel like if I do not put my foot down, and begin taking care of ME... I will regret things later as I get older.....


I hope you find the courage to put "you" first... and put the things in life that are important to you, on the "front burner"....

Fed Panel Opposes CDC Opioid Guidelines — Pain News Network - I shall add more to this post.. but this is CRITICAL FOR ALL OF US TO STAND UP FOR OUR RIGHTS AS PAIN PATIENTS!

Fed Panel Opposes CDC Opioid Guidelines — Pain News Network

PLEASE READ THIS article, and be sure to also send it out on Social Media and everyone you can... we must fight this nonsense.... if we sit around and "allow" this mess, MANY of us will DIE from "intractable pain".... it can cause a heart attack, and all types of other "deadly" issues if someone must try and cope in severe, daily pain day after day with NO help from medications and so forth! This is INSANITY as it's most INSANE!!!!

Busy Time and Trying to Keep my Head on Straight, Keep the Brain Fog from setting in, getting closer to the pain pump reclacement surgery, the horrid, almost Unbearable Pain with my RA/Lupus, Holidays a NEW Fur-baby! and so much more....

New Direction for my Next Book below...

I have LOTS of things that are on a "deadline" in the next couple of days, but I wanted to share that a very dear long-time friend of mine and I were talking earlier this week, and we were talking about our lives, the younger years, and so forth. As I began to kind of "catch her up" on some things I really have never spoke about much, as far as how my "home life" was, I have an extremely controlling Dad, and I love him, and always will, and miss him even after 10 years since he passed away... but in many ways he, "stifled" me from "being ALL I wanted to BE"... his age, the times he was brought up in, his "views" on women, as far as college, careers... and as we talked, my friend said something that
inspired me about my 3rd book! 

I do NEED to tell my "story" about my life, even during my much younger years... especially as a teenager, and how much I was "kept" from doing all the things that the other kids in High School were doing.... he was more than overprotective"... and in many ways, it truly has "molded" my adult life at times... and it is a integral part of my life, and all that I've endured.... even the abuse later from an Ex-Husband (not my present one, Jim has never hurt me as far as abuse), but my daughters Father... anyway... all of that and more is a story that I should tell... for I am sure many others have dealt with the same things, yet they may not speak of it either... so I do have a NEW DIRECTION, AND A NEW VOICE, whispering me to make some additions, and/or changes where my 3rd book shall go... I think it will be something that many will want to read... Thank YOU, and you know who you are... I am so grateful that you have became once again a very dear friend.... whom I trust, and I admire...

The New Addition to our family - "my new fur-baby" Dennis!

 

 

Wanted to share a few pics of the new “fur-kid” addition Dennis, and Bub’s! I got Dennis yesterday evening, and brought him home for a “weekend trial”… but it appears they are already best friends… that is the most I’ve seen Bub’s play in a very long time! I think “if Mommy” me, can keep up with the both of them, I have my “Christmas puppy”….


Latest Addition of My Newspaper "All Things Autoimmune" - great article from pain, Lupus, and so much more!

https://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines 

 

 A latest Pic of Rhia!!!!

Much other things going on... but I must run out for a bit... PLEASE keep an eye out thought... I have an EXTREMELY important post for everyone that I will put up later today or tomorrow!

 

TODAY IS THE DAY! #GIVINGTUESDAY IS HERE.... HOW WILL YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE? Your gift from the "heart" is the best "gift" YOU may receive of All!

The one day our entire "world" is in unity to "give" to those around us... whether you give of your time, monetary gifts, helping someone, giving blood, any and all kinds of ways to give of yourself, or of your time....

Here is some information about #GIVINGTUESDAY! And some ideas about the ways YOU can make a difference!

http://www.givingtuesday.org/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTKfz4Eo-oU&feature=youtu.be

 

http://www.arthritis.org/

 http://weblink.donorperfect.com/NMDR_Donations

‪#‎THXLeads2Giving‬

 

 

These are but a few ways YOU can give! Even if there is something not listed, or a special place you would like to support, do that... this is the one day to give as your heart tells you. I've found that giving of yourself can be the very best "gift" of all!

 

"I Hope You Dance" - A Song, Lyrics, & a New Hallmark Channel Special that will bring you to your knees in faith, it will give you wings, & I cannot say enough that it is a MUST to see...

It was late by the time I got to be able to watch this incredible Hallmark Special based upon the song that Lee Ann Womack brings such a warmth, light, faith, hope and love to your heart. If this song does not "touch" you in some way, I am not sure anything can...

I had been eagerly awaiting that show to come out... I had it set to record for weeks from the Hallmark Channel... but little did I know just HOW INCREDIBLE this show is, and what it brought into my heart, how much it has already changed me, my spirit, and given me pure faith, and pure hope... to know that in spite of Lupus, in spite of the Chronic Pain, in spite of ALL that obviously I was not prepared for in my life... that has happened... some I can make a change, or have another chance, and know that love is here deep within my soul, deeper into my heart, than I had felt in a long while... Life as many of my readers know, has not been kind to me... not in several years... and I "lost" and am in the midst of still grieving over more loss than anyone should have to endure....

Today I post this, for in a long time, even before I began to watch this show last night, just hearing the song again, brought "life" and "voice" and I wrote a poem, within moments... I don't want to spoil the show by telling too much, but anyone dealing with Chronic Illnesses, Lupus in particular, or has lived through a horrible accident, and one that may have left you broken up physically, plus mentally and emotionally...

or those that have suffered such a horrid loss... the loss of a child especially, to suicide, or anyone losing a close loved one suddenly... within a moment a life has been taken away.. and the mortal hell one can go through... All of these things, and so much more ... in this show... in this inspirational and motivational song..  so, "I Hope" You Dance....  (from here below until the lyrics of the song is posted, is my own words... my own heart... and just how within a moment, a few lyrics, from a song that has always been one that speaks to my heart....

"Anything in Life that is truly worth something... at times never comes "easily".... Life is a "dance"... a dance in the fires and flames... or a dance beside the ocean's waves... a shuffle across the old hardwood floor, or to glide into an open door... We can sit on the sidelines of life, and watch as everyone else "lives" that two step, waltz, or two in rhythm, or we can give in and take the chance on what we are given... and faith is always Half Full at a glance... often times we tend to ignore our 2nd chance... if I've learned anything in my time here... is to throw away the dark days and the fear... trust in yourself, and give your heart over to that gift of chance, and never forget to just .... Dance.... as I begin to watch this movie I've waited for now several weeks to come on, featuring and based upon the song by Lee Ann Womack... "I Hope You Dance"... again... here are the words, and they should move you to tears..."  - Rhia..


. "I Hope You Dance"
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those year

Lee Ann Womack singer....


Here is one link to the Hallmark website... that has the information on this, and how it touched so many, and the people that helped to make this wonderful show, you will enjoy knowing they were an integral part of this...

 More of what I wrote after watching the movie.... 

 
The "Movie" that this song is based upon, is really not just a "movie" but more about how many lives this song touched, I am still watching, but one of the women that is in this, and had this song help her through losing a job, a long term relationship..DUE TO LUPUS!, and others are telling their heart felt, personal stories... what is written above, before I posted the lyrics, is what I WROTE... myself... Music has always been a huge part of my life... is has brought me to my knees in tears, and it has helped me to climb up the jagged edges of life's mountain, to find the beauty at the top, and shout to the world, I made it... 
yet again, there are times music allowed me to slide down once again, all the way to the sands on the ocean's shores, where only footprints of my life remain... it inspires me to write, it inspires me to "feel"... and I mean "feel"... get in touch with when it hurts so badly, you think your heart is totally breaking into pieces... and there is such thing as having a "heart attack" from a broken heart... 
I had one, and then another.... and that came straight from my cardiologist's mouth... there are times, that the bottled up, mixed up, gaping wounds of my soul... are opened up to drain, bleed... so they can "scar over" much like my body has, so I can regain faith again... so if you NEVER truly "listen" and allow the music to sink in, then you may not find that passion, the strengths, the weaknesses, the elated memories, moments, and the ones you prefer to bury away...




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UE-JsPV4Sk 

The U-Tube Video about this above.....

Being Thankful - Thanksgiving Day, the holiday upon us, and finding true spirit when you least expect it....

First of all Happy Thanksgiving to all of my readers. I am so blessed and thankful for those of you that follow my blog. I know at times, I don't post enough, and since my life has been in a chaotic time in the past several months, I feel as if I have let those down who follow my posts, and writing.

As I had said on Facebook, I am thankful for some things in my life, even though loss and grief have been troubling me now for a bit. So, I have had to really dig deep into my heart, to find out where the truest of blessings lie, and I have done that.

I am so very thankful that my daughter Amanda, her husband Jimbo and my three Grandkids were able to come up and visit, even though it will be short. I got to see them last night for a couple of hours, and as I hugged my daughter's neck, the tears streamed down my face, and I did not want to let her go. It's been over 2 YEARS since I got to see any of them. They live down by Corpus Christi, which is about 8 hours away or so, and with the boys in school and activities, both of them work now, and my Granddaughter is a Senior this year, they stay very busy. So, it was the best thing I could receive is getting to see them after all this time. I also got to visit with my son, who lives closer, but he also stays busy with a job, and his own activities, so he does not get down as much either.

I am thankful that it "appears" the two thigh abscesses on each thigh, the left one seems to be healed and closed in (hopefully this time it stays that way), and the right one, although not well yet, got a good report from the Wound Care Specialist yesterday. He seemed to think it was beginning to heal, he had to debride it again, which hurts like heck, but it seems to not be infected anymore, and the "collagen" Prisma, is helping to heal it and keep it from getting infected again. So, I am thankful to know that those may finally heal, and be behind me very soon. From there of course, I face surgery, to take out this "motor stalled" pain pump, and put a new one in. I was hoping to have that done the end of next week, BUT, I see the wound care specialist next Thursday, so I am not sure my Pain doctor is going to want to do surgery on Friday. It may be until the following week, which sucks... I really wanted to get it over with BEFORE then, so I can be healed for Christmas. Which is not that huge of a deal, as long as I don't develop a "spinal headache" again. Last time, where the catheter attaches to my spine to put the medication into my spinal fluid, did not seal completely and a tiny hole, can cause a leak in the spinal fluid, thus a spinal headache from hell ensues. And they are horrible. I could not even lift my head from the sofa for 5 days. I drank enough caffeine for an army. I was drinking Caffeine drinks left and right, so it would seal itself over. Thank goodness it worked, and I did not have to go back for surgery, to have a "blood patch" put over the hole. Thank you "Star Bucks".... I got to have as many of those as I wanted for a couple of days!

I am thankful to have my Bub's with me. He and I have a small Thanksgiving feast just for us ready to heat up. I made a small portion of stuffing, of broccoli and rice casserole, of sweet potato casserole, & I had a couple of rolls I bought this week. Plus even though I love home made cranberry salad, we shall settle for it out of the can today. And I had made a strawberry cake with a bit of a twist, it has strawberry preserves in the middle of the layers, and then the frosting is whipped in with cool whip, so it is much lighter. And my daughter brought up some of her incredible pumpkin roll. So, I have a couple of slices of it also for dessert..... nothing fancy, and I am not making a huge bowl of anything... now days I can't eat a whole lot at a time, and Bub's does not need to LOL...

Plus, I "suddenly" had a new person appear in my life in the past couple of days. It was a friend request on Facebook, and I said yes... and wow, talk about someone out of the blue, "fitting" the friendship values, that I do. It was totally shocking, and I certainly was not looking nor expecting it. But, we seem to have a great deal in common, even born the same year... ;)

So, as this year starts to wind into the holidays, and then quickly fall into yet another New Year, I hope and pray things are BETTER, for 2016! It is more than time for some happiness and sunshine to reign down upon my shoulders, and others also....

Plus, as I said on Facebook, I intend on finishing my 3rd book in 2016, even if HELL freezes over....

As the days go by, and nothing else to do..( a line from one of Stevie Nicks songs) - so I have the new boots, the jeans are on their way, now if I can just get the courage up to go out, and get the heck out of this house... I am so sick and tired, of being either here, at Mom's or at the doctor's offices...

Thank goodness I am no longer having to "edit" my own conversations here, and posts. I can say what the heck I please, and if it offends someone, then I guess it does... they can get over it, or not... just saying...

Nothing huge here today, other than a new person, hopefully someone that shall turn into a friend as I said "suddenly appeared" out of the "Blue Clear Sky" as George Strait's songs goes...

Alas an email that made me "feel awesome" about myself for a change... honestly, I thought I had lost all of the "want to" of finding friends again... but that is not true... it is just taking awhile to move past the pain, grief and loss... loss of something I knew for 13 years of my life... and suddenly within a day, it all disappeared... almost as if it never existed... and I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHY??? And I have given up asking... I feel it is futile to "beat a dead horse" as the saying goes...

Living in the realms of "why" is no way to live... why did this person leave? why do I have to do chronically ill? why does everything fall on my shoulders?, why can't life just let up and be a bit easier?... why why, and more why's... and they can haunt you like a love that has all but gone and disappeared... and there is no real answer only questions of the heart remain... tis the story of life and love... you either "fall all in it" and hope that it is forever... or you spend your life totally alone and in misery....

Alas, I prefer NOT to live in misery.... not if I can help it.... So, I bid everyone an incredible holiday weekend, be safe, take care, and always look for that shining star to guide you through even the darkest of nights....

Trying to Live Life In A Moment... And Trying to Find my Way once again alone... to a "new Chaotic abnormal"....

  Once again as the holidays grow near, I find myself struggling for what the true meaning of being Thankful is, what pure love is, and dealing with more heartache than I at times knew possible. I began my Annual Christmas Letter yesterday. I've made it a tradition now for many years to write a letter about life during that year, and share it with the few people, family etc that I send cards to. I always feel it makes even those far away feel "closer" to myself, and family. Yet, I had word this afternoon, a dear friend of mine,
sent me a message, and a spouse of 18 years or so, left. I am not sure of the details, but much like my own situation, not sure of the reasoning behind walking out the door. No truthful explanation, nothing... just walk out and let the door slam... I feel a deep sadness this evening, for my friend, and another friend of mine that also had the same thing happen last year during the holidays. Her husband of 20 plus years, did the same thing, just walked out the door and left... and again, under circumstances of dealing with really severe health problems, and when she needed him the most, he walked out.


When I took my vows in Vegas 10 years ago, and I wrote them myself, I meant every word I said... and for years and years, ever since we had moved into this house and made it "our home" mine, and his he wrote to me, along with our marriage certificate were framed and right here at my desk, plus the bouquet I carried hangs above them. They served as a reminder for me, that I had promised, forever, to grow old together, that we "paralleled one another and then met as one, just like two stars combining and intertwining and I would never allow anything of "life" to break us apart. I almost could say that entire vow, for years... and then, it totally was just "words on paper", "words spoke", mine from the heart I vowed, and I do not give up easily. But, whatever "happened"... I have had to "guess"... was it me, what all did I do to make him walk out the door? We had a few arguments, and both of us would of course in "defense mode" would come out with some terrible and say it to one another. But mine was truly just defending my own self, and not meant in truth. Yet, it was taken that way. But, still, I thought well, it was my surgeries and being chronically ill... not so... I was ALREADY CHRONICALLY ILL AND DEALING WITH CHRONIC PAIN WHEN WE MET! He knew before we moved back to TX, he knew before he proposed... In fact, I had filed for my complete disability about 6 months after we met one another... so "my health issues" although in 2007 through some of 2009 meant lots of surgery... yet, I did not expect to be down for "months" and was usually up and around ASAP... I did not want to be a "burden"...
No different than the accident he was in, March 2014... the 26th day of that month totally changed our lives, in so many, many ways... and even before he came out of the hospital, I told him, we would together find a "new
normal"... and he always talked about us growing old together. and sitting on a porch swing talking and laughing and always being together... Yet, here I sit alone, with Bub's... and he is thousands of miles away, states away... and till yet, I still don't know from him directly WHY? But, I have had to try and put one foot in front of the other, and find another new chaotic abnormal life for me. My Mom really got mad at me, then was in awe that I hung the ceiling fan MYSELF! She knew how badly I was hurting afterward, yet she told me today, she could never be as strong as me, or as intelligent as me, and that as the years pass, I amaze her at all I know, and do, in spite of how badly I hurt every day, and the illnesses try their best to take me down, and I won't let them... I refuse to give into the pain, or Lupus, RA, Sjogren's.. and now I have began to have horrible, terrible headaches again... I fear the migraines maybe back... and they had been gone for years... all but the ones with a Lupus flare... When I told her I put the new "insides" in my kitchen faucet today, she looked at me once again and said, "I would not even know what to do, what I needed or where to get it"... and I just said "Mom, I have lived all my life HAVING TO learn to do things myself.I never had the luxury of getting someone to put up a ceiling fan, or fix my lawnmower, or stop a dripping faucet, or paint the house, and the list goes on and on... change a flat, I just got through charging the battery on her car... and again, she could not believe I knew just what to do.... again, necessity makes you learn to do many things.... Yet, in all of that, I find sadness in the coming weeks. I am trying to get a new fur-kid for Christmas... and the woman that needs to come by for a house visit, will come next Monday...so I hope and pray that everything she sees is fine, and that Bub's gets along with a pup she is bringing... he always got along with Tazzer's, and with other pups at the Vet, etc... so I think he will be thrilled, I hope, and not jealous... He has became extremely protective of me, since Tazz passed away, and James no longer here... as far as people around me, he is not thrilled at all... So, I may have people judging me, I am trying to find things I can do, while I hopefully still can do them, that I enjoyed for so many years. In fact, I even "banged" on my drums for a bit today! Bless Bub's heart and the neighbors ears....HAHA... but that is why my Xmas present early to myself, the western boots and jeans... I want to go to the new place that opened here and see if I can find a couple of people my age that I can become friends with... and

I joined the church for the same reasons... plus the new pup will give new "life" to my home... yet, my home is in desperate need of so much work.. and since the suit money fell through, (I was going to put whatever bit I may have gotten into fixing my home up)... I still need it painted outside, and some rotten boards off the bottom fixed, I desperately need a new roof, and the floors laid in the kitchen, bath, and laundry room. 
... plus I have new carpet for the music and spare bedroom, but it needs painting first, and ALL of the windows are in terrible shape. I am trying to get around to repairing them with the push pins and glazing, but it takes time and those windows are so brittle, I still have one completely cracked in the back, thank goodness it can't be seen, but it could fall out at any time, and then another one in that same room someone put "caulk" in a crack in it, so it needs to be replaced... then about a month ago... I think something happened but not sure what, I found a crack in one of my bedroom windows too.... I need a new fence all around my back yard, but I have a couple of dead trees in the fence line that need to be cut down... I have done some of it myself... and I am just going to put "hog wire" fencing or something inexpensive up... but again all of it takes time and money. Plus there are some things like laying the flooring, finishing the bathroom lights and fan... putting up the wall boards in my laundry room and so forth, that I can't do by myself... physically some of it I know I cannot do... I can't get in the attic to wire the lights and bath fan... I just would not feel easy doing that big of a job... and I can paint, but in some places outside my home is much taller than I would at my age, and especially with all of my neck, back, and osteoporosis issues, I would not chance falling...


I still face surgery for the new pain pump and I really need the lower back surgery. After this past couple of weeks, I realize I need that repaired too, or it is going to just get worse... and I am still dealing with the "wounds" from the abscesses and that is another thing, I have to drive by myself again up there and deal with that alone... it sucks... not that I can't but it still sucks... so I turn UP the radio and sing every song on the Radio as I drive... and block out the memories that still "haunt me"... kind of like the Brooks and Dunn song... one of their early ones... the Kix sang... Love may "die" but it "never leaves"... it is like "shackles and chains in a ghost like way, when it comes to loves memories... so true... and again it brings me back to what I want on my grave stone... "Here lies a girl who got everything she wanted, and who could ask for more.. Than to be Living in A Moment... You would die for... Ty Herndon was kind of a one hit wonder I think, but his song hit me strong years ago, and never forget those words... "to be living in a moment, loving every minute, living in a moment, you would die for".....

Thus the Lyrics...

Living in A Moment...

Well the world just lost two lonely people
The world just lost two broken hearts
The odds were against it but baby here we are

In our own little place in our own little corner
This old cold world just got a little warmer
For the rest of my life I'm gonna hold you in my arms

And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for

If you never get rich on what money can buy
It don't matter to me, I'll tell you why
I've got it all when I'm holding you this way

I'll live to love you, I'd die to keep you
Safe inside these arms that need you
I'll be loving you with the very last breath I take

And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for

Ashes to ashes
Dust into dust
I'll lay beside you
Forever in love

And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment, loving every minute
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for

Living in a moment you would die for
Oh baby, I'm living in a moment I would die for
Oh, living in a moment I would die for

 

Ty Herndon - Living In A Moment Lyrics | MetroLyrics