If it is not one thing it is the other...
Okay,
here is part of the deal I think with me, health wise. First I did call
my dentist and they will see me the 1st week in August. They are going
on vacation until then. So I told them I would be extremely careful and
try not to crack anything else off of these teeth that seem so very
fragile. Next, I called my PCP and got the medication for dry mouth.
They have two. I had been on Evoxac by awhile
ago, and should never have stopped it I guess. I thought maybe it was
not working but now I look back, it was probably helping much more than I
thought. So, needless to say my insurance AGAIN decided they did NOT
want to PAY even for the GENERIC! And it would cost me 300.00! So, I got
on my Humana site, and finally found out they are supposed to pay for
the generic form of Salagen. So, I called my doctor back, and told them.
They did call me in that one instead, so I shall see if the pharmacy
was able to get that one paid for. Damned I feel like crap and I am
STILL fighting to get meds! They DO NOT CARE if my TEETH ROT OUT OF MY
MOUTH!!! Just another example of Medicare/Med. Advantage plans and bull!
Then I got ANOTHER CALL FROM MY DOCTOR, late yesterday
afternoon... I am severely B-12 deficient, in other words I am severely
anemic. Which would certainly explain my symptoms being so excessive and
lasting so long... the severe fatigue, lack of appetite, being so pale,
not able to put one foot in front of the other, even the pain in my
muscles, and everything that is "a Lupus flare" are also signs of
anemia. The "brain fog" is another. They wanted me to come and begin
injections, but I asked since I felt so badly if I could do it at home
with over the counter B-12. She reluctantly told me I can try, but if I
am not better within a few days, then I have to do the injections... I
have not been anemic since my daughter was born 29 years ago, so this is
strange for me. It has me concerned. I know it does go along with Lupus
a great deal and there is "pernicious" anemia and several others, one
of them is actually an "autoimmune" type of anemia, that often does come
with Lupus, so I found that interesting. Anyway, as BAD as it sounds at
least I am NOT crazy!!! OR if I have I also have SOMETHING wrong other
that "it is JUST LUPUS"... I get so sick of hearing that "Oh, IT IS just
YOUR LUPUS" acting up! the term "JUST" and LUPUS seem almost
sacrilegious to say together. So, keeo my in your thoughts and prayers. I
feel like total hell! I just am so extremely fatigued and I have all of
the other symptoms of anemia and the Lupus flare, thus I feel like a
rung out dish rag, as my Dad would have said... or he would say "pulled
through a knot hole backwards" whatever that means...
Alas, bear with me as I try and work on this Medicare thing, the group
for it and the petition. I REALLY COULD USE SOME OF YOUR HELP!!! PLEASE
HELP AND SIGN IT, THEN pass on to your friends that you know are also
wanting to see Medicare back in the right shape it is supposed to be in.
Miss all of you... I spend most of my time after early in the am... on
the sofa watching horror movies on Netflix... I hope this new medication
we are getting today gets me up and going very soon. I HATE not feeling
like doing anything, and the brain fog is just horrid....
Wed. the 17th more after yesterday....
Yes, it can be "deadly" honestly.. thus the very reason it is called "pernicious".. the definition of it is basically "deadly". I did Venetia. Thanks :) I read the "wikipedia summary and it does give a very good look at it. I realize that all of the symptoms I have had lately, even th pain in my hips can be caused by this. Jason I am like you though... I am not sure why, unless it is the Lupus, that I have such a sudden drop in my B-12. They check it and about 4 months ago it was on the "low side" of being "okay". So, why within 3 or 4 months all of a sudden it dropped kind of concerns me. but, it is also a type of autoimmune illness, thus Lupus I am sure plays a role in it. the PA that saw me last week noticed my mucus members in my nose and mouth were very pale, and I was very pale. Then all of the symptoms of severe fatigue, nausea, the leg and hip pain, not wanting to eat, nothing tasting good at all, and I have even been all of a sudden kind of "depressed", but not like regular depression. I thought I was just upset from being ill so long, but I have been crying when I try and walk in the mornings outside, and I can't even stand to pick up one foot I feel so bad. But, Jim has caught me several times in the past 10 days outside sitting alone, or walking (or trying to do my early morning walking) and I am just boo-hooing. Yet, not like a feeling of "depression" of the regular kind. I looked it up and sure enough it is another symptom of this B-12 deficiency. I am getting some of the sublingual B-12 stuff today to take. They gave me the injection yesterday, BUT then did not say a word about giving me more. I read I was supposed to be an entire "set" of them for like a week, then slack off to like two weeks, then at least 1 monthly OR I need to take the oral ones daily forever. So, I am not sure where the mix up is, but I see my regular doctor there on the 1st of August. Unless they tell me differently, I am going to get the oral stuff, take it daily and then I will have a long discussion with him about all of this. He happened to be gone last week, so he was not there to find out immediately what was happening to me. I think he would have probably recognized due to knowing me so well, that I may have needed either injections immediately, or he would have been quicker to diagnose my issues. He knows my total situation so well, in fact he was the one that actually "found" my MCTD, Lupus etc. Had I not had him to be so astute in looking at me, and what all of the issues I was having was being caused from it may have been years before I finally found out, if at all. So, he totally can almost "tell" as soon he as sees and speaks to me what the issue is. He was the one that also found the rare thing with my myoglobin, which is still high also. So, I will make sure we do speak about all of this in August on the 1st. Then I will let my Rheumatologist and so forth know. I had a spell right after the injection that worried me a little though...we let the office, Jim took me, because I just did not feel like driving at all, and we started to the store, and I began to feel cold/hot and clammy. We picked up a couple of things for dinner, and when we got home... I was sweating but had the chills. It really concerned me due to the Humira and I have to watch so closely for infections. I had not ran fever, but that "chilled" yet hot, and clammy does not sound great... Anyway, it may have been our weather. It had been cooler here but the humidity is off the charts... and I got kind of cooled off in the doctors office, then out in the humidity, then back in the house, with our ceiling fans running and the air on... and I happened to have had the fan pointed at me sitting on the sofa... thus it could be just getting a little sweaty due to humidity, then coming in and the fan on me... but I hate when I have something like that happen... anyway, I hope the B-12 clears up some of this freaking fatigue. I can't even pick my arms up to type... they feel so heavy also... it is insanity... and I thought the Lupus fatigue was bad enough... then add this onto it... not fun!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Fear of Disease Getting Worse or Am I Mentally & Emotionally Giving Up?
As I began to think about this so early this morning, I have had a very "heavy heart" lately. I have not really said much to anyone, including my husband or family, but I have been getting increasingly fearful that either these illnesses, the Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, and so forth are either becoming much worse OR my emotional state and mental state is that I am beginning to just "give up" the fight. I have tried to get myself "psyched" up over my 3rd book, and now giving the Congress and government a fight over all of the Medicare mess they have us in. Yet, I just cannot pull my physical or mental state out of the severe fatigue, the place I just cannot get done what I want to get done... due to my feeling so lousy, in so much pain, for so long now. No one can truly know from everything I have been through what the hell is REALLY wrong with me? Why even with a pain pump internally implanted am I suddenly in severe pain? Why are my joints more stiff, like they are "gelling" on me, and the pain in them is horrible? Why are my teeth having more cavities than ever, and seem to be crumbling in front of my eyes? Why do I not feel like going out to the store, doing laundry, cleaning my own home, and honestly doing anything. I feel TOO tired, TOO fatigued, and just too ill to even care if the rugs are vacuumed or the floors are mopped. I don't care what I eat, it matters not. Nothing tastes right anyway. I do not feel lilke even sitting in this chair to write, or even honestly read emails. I could care less about doing my coupons etc, and just have to literally make myself go outside and walk... going outside to walk, water my plants, and watch all of our birds that have nests are are hatching are about the ONLY things I care to do. I don't want to go to my Mom's, Lord knows I do NOT want to go to a doctor, and I desperately need to see a dentist and both of us get glasses, but I do not have the energy to muster to go and have the measurements done we need so we can order our glasses.
Right at this moment, I could either scream or cry... possibly both. I feel like I am just about worthless. I feel I can't even help myself, much less help anyone else. I know when I get ill or have a severe flare or both at the same time, I go through these times... yet this time it feels totally different. I know I always care about what the house looks like inside... no matter how horrible I feel. I will try my best to clean no matter how sick or how tired I am.
The brain fog is horrible. I do well to remember my own name. I have had it for a long while, but it seems to get worse each time I have a bout with it. I have gotten to where if I am slightly interrupted when I am saying something I totally forget what I was saying. My notes I even forget now.. stuff that I usually can remember, I can't to save my soul, as they say. I feel like my entire life, body and emotional realm is just fading away in front of me. Everything I loved to do, does not even interest me.
Even being here and trying to help others that has always given me a driven purpose, has just been not totally within my heart. I go through days of thinking no one even hears a word I say, or does not care. No one wants to listen to me anymore. I feel as if everyone else has grown tired of listening to my constant whining and griping. It seems I continue to develop some "new" sign or symptom. One day it is my teeth, the next ulcers in my mouth, the next fatigue, the next pain and stiffness, another something else... continually a viscous circle of illness or insanity one... I am truly beginning to wonder which??? I feel like I am going totally nuts..
Right at this moment, I could either scream or cry... possibly both. I feel like I am just about worthless. I feel I can't even help myself, much less help anyone else. I know when I get ill or have a severe flare or both at the same time, I go through these times... yet this time it feels totally different. I know I always care about what the house looks like inside... no matter how horrible I feel. I will try my best to clean no matter how sick or how tired I am.
The brain fog is horrible. I do well to remember my own name. I have had it for a long while, but it seems to get worse each time I have a bout with it. I have gotten to where if I am slightly interrupted when I am saying something I totally forget what I was saying. My notes I even forget now.. stuff that I usually can remember, I can't to save my soul, as they say. I feel like my entire life, body and emotional realm is just fading away in front of me. Everything I loved to do, does not even interest me.
Even being here and trying to help others that has always given me a driven purpose, has just been not totally within my heart. I go through days of thinking no one even hears a word I say, or does not care. No one wants to listen to me anymore. I feel as if everyone else has grown tired of listening to my constant whining and griping. It seems I continue to develop some "new" sign or symptom. One day it is my teeth, the next ulcers in my mouth, the next fatigue, the next pain and stiffness, another something else... continually a viscous circle of illness or insanity one... I am truly beginning to wonder which??? I feel like I am going totally nuts..
Sunday, July 14, 2013
See Petition I have began to send to Congress, The President and the Woman Over the Medicare program..
I am still working on the petition but you can go ahead and sign it at:
http://www.change.org/petitions/time-for-congress-to-fix-medicare-for-the-people-fix-medicare-stop-fraud-and-misuse-pay-good-doctors-as-they-deserve#
Please go ahead and sign. I will complete the rest of it over the next day or so, as I get back on my feet from whatever has me down and ill. I appreciate everyone's help on this... please tell others to sign also....Rhia
http://www.change.org/petitions/time-for-congress-to-fix-medicare-for-the-people-fix-medicare-stop-fraud-and-misuse-pay-good-doctors-as-they-deserve#
Please go ahead and sign. I will complete the rest of it over the next day or so, as I get back on my feet from whatever has me down and ill. I appreciate everyone's help on this... please tell others to sign also....Rhia
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
TIME for US as PATIENTS to STEP UP TO THE WHITE HOUSE STEPS!!!!!
I
hope to catch many eyes on this post! What happened to me yesterday,
will EFFECT any and all of you potentially that go to hospitals with
PAIN, or have medications that are NO LONGER "VIABLE" as income due to
Medicare changes! I can say that unless we open our mouths and stand at
CONGRESSES doors by January 1st 2014, WE WILL LOSE MANY OF OUR OWN
DOCTORS! This is NO JOKE and it came directly from
my own ain doctor that I have been seeing for 5 years. He also has an
80 PERCENT MEDICARE PATIENT load that if these things happen with
Congress this coming January and nothing gets done to STOP them, he will
QUIT TAKING MEDICARE, because he cannot afford to keep his practice
open and begin being almost A CASH PAY BASIS FACILITY!!! we have got to
do something to stop this one way or the other. The Republicans are
going to cause us to lose every physician that is trying to help us, cut
all of the pain meds back that do not make them "money", and leave us
HOLDING THE PAIN BAG IN OUR HANDS! I went in to take my pain pump refill
yesterday. Things "seemed" as usual. But, when my pain physician showed
up, his first words other than how are you to me were, "I don't know
what we are going to do with you yet? put in a stimulator, change over
your medications in the pump, or what?" He was in a stupor almost due to
"shock and dismay". The HOSPITAL has decided THEY WILL NO LONGER CARRY
the medication I have IN MY PAIN PUMP! Due to it "not making them money"
basically, they made the decision to "not carry it in the hospital,
thus ALL DOCTORS must use ALTERNATIVE PAIN MEDS that the "hospital"
dictates what those will be. Now NOT our doctors, but THE HOSPITAL! Even
other medications, such as many ANESTHESIA meds, they are telling that
they can "no longer get them". Well what the truth of the matter is, due
to all of the MEDICARE CRAP CHANGES, NOW MEDICARE HAS ALL BUT CUT TOTAL
PAYMENT to them on certain meds!!!! Thus they will just STOP HAVING
THEM in their facility! Not only that, but he personally told me that
unless something changes before this huge bull crap change come January
1, 2014, over DRASTIC CUT TO DOCTORS BY 25 PERCENT OR MORE on Medicare
patients, HE WILL HAVE TO STOP (along with many others) taking "Medicare
patients", plus no longer even see the ones he has, unless they become
"cash pay" or have other insurance etc! NOW THERE IS OUR DAMNED
GOVERNMENT "FOR THE PEOPLE" AT WORK!!! They are sitting up their on
their laurels, the "fat cronies" getting richer and richer EVERYDAY ,
WHILE WE GET POOR! At our expense they do not give a damned if we hurt,
if we are sick, well, they just as soon us die off so they do not have
to pay out so much of OUR SOCIAL SECURITY and our Medicare! We need
Petitions! We need US, MANY OF US STANDING AT THE STEPS OF THE WHITE
HOUSE fighting this!!! I ONLY GOT 25 PERCENT OF MY PAIN MEDICATION IN MY
PUMP YESTERDAY!!! I said 25 PERCENT! I received the very LAST VIAL the
hospital had. So my pump will RUN OUT IN THREE WEEKS!!!!!
This means my doctor will have to "wait" until the hospital "deems" what they "will carry", and then change MY MEDICATION over to SOMETHING ELSE! That means something that may not WORK AS WELL, that could have MORE SIDE EFFECTS, the means me having to be RE-ADJUSTED to the new meds.... and it is just a massive headache, heart ache, and the very thing I GOT TO HELP THE PAIN... NOW HAS TO BE CHANGED DUE TO MONEY!!!!! That is what it boils down to! The hospital NOT making a PROFIT on that medication, thus THEY WILL GET RID OF IT! To hell with the patients and the doctors that treat them! Now put yourself in my situation, whether pain pump or not. First of all, due to all of the bureaucratic bull red tape my own doctor can't get my medication for me anymore in his office! And even though it is MY medication, they WILL NOT pay a specialty clinic to mix it for me, allow me to have them file my Medicare insurance, and allow ME to take my OWN MEDICATION TO MY DOCTOR for it to be put in MY PUMP! And don't give me the crap about it being "narcotic" etc. For one the stuff has to be mixed ONLY by a specialty clinic. Another unless you have Medicare or insurance to pay for it, it is totally too expensive, and 3rd, they CAN FIND ways to MONITOR IT TO MAKE SURE it does go TO MY DOCTOR, and it IS PUT in my pump! They could deliver it to his office, or seal it some way that only the doctor can open it etc... there are things to do... we are not a stupid bunch of people.. Technology today can do incredible stuff, so getting a medication to a doctor under some type of specialized way it can only be opened and used it totally possible. Other than that even though my pain doctor has a brand new clinic, has met all kinds of ridiculous red tape, including "special" computers that Medicare MADE THEM GET, that cost something like 35,000 OR MORE in order for the government to process Medicare claims! IT could not be some type of much less expensive software etc... it had to be HIGH DOLLAR "SPECIAL" COMPUTERS that the doctors must foot the bill for!!!! Then He can't even have my medication brought to his office for a few hours for me to come there WHERE IT ONLY COSTS ME 40.00 FOR AN OFFICE VISIT, to have it filled, VS. what I PAY NOW TO THE HOSPITAL, WHICH IS A 200.00 CO-PAY to have the pump filled!!!! Believe me you talk about a "racket"!!!! Between the hospitals, the government, the pharmaceutical companies, and some pharmacies included and big CLINICS ETC. , they are making BILLIONS, while our small doctors, with small practices, many of our BEST PHYSICIANS are being reamed over the coals, driven out of business (like my own Rheumatologist earlier this year) due to those crooked, greedy, not giving a damned bunch we call "Congress". The lobbyists for these bigger hospitals etc RULE IT WITH LINING POCKETS! IF you CARE ABOUT YOUR OWN HEALTH (and this is to INCLUDE OTHER MEDICATIONS ALSO, NOT JUST FOR PAIN) THEN YOU AND I MUST stand toe to toe, hand in hand and find way to get this ridiculous mess stopped!!! I certainly am only ONE PERSON but with all our VOICES, WE CAN and have to make A DIFFERENCE!
PLEASE, PLEASE I URGE YOU, I BEG YOU TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK on this. Look up this stuff online, talk to your own physicians, ask them what will happen with them if this Medicare crap goes on at the first of the year, ask around and watch for articles from the Pain foundation, etc... we have to get this fixed and permanently, and quickly, with haste!!!!! Rhia
I have accomplished A great deal more since this post: This is Saturday the 13th. I will try and catch up here and all of the information is also on my FB page along with and FB group I began ONLY for getting who we need to get to so Medicare can be FIXED!!!
The new FB groups page you can join is:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/435383466560951/?bookmark_t=group
Other links that are helpful are listed thee, but let me see if I can also get them here!
http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/
Talking about a drug shortage here... no wonder we can't get our medications!!!!
http://www.bioethics.net/2013/04/psst-theres-a-drug-shortage/
http://www.raps.org/focus-online/news/news-article-view/article/3479/reform-bill-takes-aim-at-gray-market-causes-for-drug-shortages.aspx
This means my doctor will have to "wait" until the hospital "deems" what they "will carry", and then change MY MEDICATION over to SOMETHING ELSE! That means something that may not WORK AS WELL, that could have MORE SIDE EFFECTS, the means me having to be RE-ADJUSTED to the new meds.... and it is just a massive headache, heart ache, and the very thing I GOT TO HELP THE PAIN... NOW HAS TO BE CHANGED DUE TO MONEY!!!!! That is what it boils down to! The hospital NOT making a PROFIT on that medication, thus THEY WILL GET RID OF IT! To hell with the patients and the doctors that treat them! Now put yourself in my situation, whether pain pump or not. First of all, due to all of the bureaucratic bull red tape my own doctor can't get my medication for me anymore in his office! And even though it is MY medication, they WILL NOT pay a specialty clinic to mix it for me, allow me to have them file my Medicare insurance, and allow ME to take my OWN MEDICATION TO MY DOCTOR for it to be put in MY PUMP! And don't give me the crap about it being "narcotic" etc. For one the stuff has to be mixed ONLY by a specialty clinic. Another unless you have Medicare or insurance to pay for it, it is totally too expensive, and 3rd, they CAN FIND ways to MONITOR IT TO MAKE SURE it does go TO MY DOCTOR, and it IS PUT in my pump! They could deliver it to his office, or seal it some way that only the doctor can open it etc... there are things to do... we are not a stupid bunch of people.. Technology today can do incredible stuff, so getting a medication to a doctor under some type of specialized way it can only be opened and used it totally possible. Other than that even though my pain doctor has a brand new clinic, has met all kinds of ridiculous red tape, including "special" computers that Medicare MADE THEM GET, that cost something like 35,000 OR MORE in order for the government to process Medicare claims! IT could not be some type of much less expensive software etc... it had to be HIGH DOLLAR "SPECIAL" COMPUTERS that the doctors must foot the bill for!!!! Then He can't even have my medication brought to his office for a few hours for me to come there WHERE IT ONLY COSTS ME 40.00 FOR AN OFFICE VISIT, to have it filled, VS. what I PAY NOW TO THE HOSPITAL, WHICH IS A 200.00 CO-PAY to have the pump filled!!!! Believe me you talk about a "racket"!!!! Between the hospitals, the government, the pharmaceutical companies, and some pharmacies included and big CLINICS ETC. , they are making BILLIONS, while our small doctors, with small practices, many of our BEST PHYSICIANS are being reamed over the coals, driven out of business (like my own Rheumatologist earlier this year) due to those crooked, greedy, not giving a damned bunch we call "Congress". The lobbyists for these bigger hospitals etc RULE IT WITH LINING POCKETS! IF you CARE ABOUT YOUR OWN HEALTH (and this is to INCLUDE OTHER MEDICATIONS ALSO, NOT JUST FOR PAIN) THEN YOU AND I MUST stand toe to toe, hand in hand and find way to get this ridiculous mess stopped!!! I certainly am only ONE PERSON but with all our VOICES, WE CAN and have to make A DIFFERENCE!
PLEASE, PLEASE I URGE YOU, I BEG YOU TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK on this. Look up this stuff online, talk to your own physicians, ask them what will happen with them if this Medicare crap goes on at the first of the year, ask around and watch for articles from the Pain foundation, etc... we have to get this fixed and permanently, and quickly, with haste!!!!! Rhia
I have accomplished A great deal more since this post: This is Saturday the 13th. I will try and catch up here and all of the information is also on my FB page along with and FB group I began ONLY for getting who we need to get to so Medicare can be FIXED!!!
The new FB groups page you can join is:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/435383466560951/?bookmark_t=group
Other links that are helpful are listed thee, but let me see if I can also get them here!
http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/
Talking about a drug shortage here... no wonder we can't get our medications!!!!
http://www.bioethics.net/2013/04/psst-theres-a-drug-shortage/
http://www.raps.org/focus-online/news/news-article-view/article/3479/reform-bill-takes-aim-at-gray-market-causes-for-drug-shortages.aspx
Monday, July 8, 2013
"Headlines" Just Too Much that is Too Difficult to Deal with! "No Time To Kill"...as the song goes...
Monday July 8th HEADLINES- Folks this is sad and scary for one day’s worth of headlines??????
1) 42 dead, 322 hurt in clashes near pro-Morsi sit-in
2) Extreme summer weather grips nation
3) Flash flood warnings from Gulf Coast to Ohio Valley
4) 'Surreal' escape: How survivors fled badly damaged Asiana Flight 214
5) Will forests flourish after fires? In a warming world, not always
6) Plane crash in Alaska kills 10
7) Captain of crashed San Francisco plane was 'in training,' had only 43 hours piloting 777s Syrian opposition head expects advanced weapons
9) Five die, 40 missing after Canadian freight train disaster
10) Singapore Inquest Rules American Killed Himself
11) Bus swerves off the road and crashes in central Spain, killing 9 people and injuring 21 others, Spanish police say -
12) Ohio sinkhole swallows woman's car
13) Officials say gunmen kill 6 people in Iraq ambush
14) Fearing contamination, Chinese pay more for imported infant goods
15) WHO forms emergency committee on new MERS virus
16) Insecticides can weaken and kill honeybees -- that's bad news
if the last one is the "bad news" damned what about the ones ahead of it? Of course No Honeybees means we are doomed anyway!!!
When I came as usual to my computer to check the weather first, then read the headlines, all I wanted to do is turn off my computer, hide in a hole, and forget about everything in THIS world! My Lord!!! Where are all the "good" headlines? Now, one could look at this several ways. One, our world is a frigged up mess!!!! Each day we are so bombarded with all of the horrid crap going on in our towns, cities, counties, states, nations and countries... we almost act "benign" to it all. We have grown accustomed to seeing the bad that we do not stop to think, GOD! What is happening??? We take it all with a grain of salt and go on. Or we could look at all of this and say it is the "news" media. Let's face it! "GOOD" news does not SELL like "bad" news does!!! People want the hard core, gory details of everything that is a slaughter house type of news story, but the "good stuff" many just blow off. Or what I feel is the first two are true, but that is because that we have gone ape shi& nuts! We have destroyed our water, land, and air! We are people that are crazed with MORE, MORE,MORE & ME, ME ,ME!!! Greed runs our nations and countries, including our governments, and corporations. Those WITH the MONEY RULE whether we want to believe it or NOT, they rule over all of us that "think" we are the middle guys or the poor. WE are NOT the ones with the "good" life! Look around, from fire to floods, from drought to famine, from hurricanes to tornado's, from changes in our weather patterns that have reeked such havoc over our country alone, that we have lost billions of acres of our land to such disasters man-made and human, that most of us living today will never see "Humpty-Dumpty" put back together again. In other words, our temperatures right here in my own home town have soared so high, and we have had such drought conditions, that many, many of our huge 100 year old trees, all of our trees, appear that they might just die! We ourselves have lost two huge trees that have to be over 50 years old. And we fear losing the three incredibly beautiful blooming ones in our front yard! They are so in lack of moisture they can't even bloom properly. We have been here 7 years and I have never seen things so bad, and that is just our lawn. Drive around our town, and so many lawns, trees, shrubs, things that were planted years and years ago are shriveling and dying due to extreme heat and lack of water! And there is no way to afford to try and water all of these, you could not pay the bill it would be so high, plus things are in such dire straits, it would not help anyway. Then we also suffered the tornado damage. It was not like many, many other towns around our nation, but it was not great either. We have suffered thousands and thousands of dollars of damage that some is just irreparable. You cannot put "value" on personal photos, things the are of value in the heart, not monetarily when disaster strikes.
We have become so selfish, so inward, rude, insensitive, and just plain, right down unwilling to open our eyes, and see that the world is growing near that "time" closer every day. And we go one doing, being, and not seeing that we should STOP and give some thought to each day... when you SEE HEADLINES!!! like this day after day, after day... killings, murders, man made disasters, Mother Nature's wrath upon how we have mistreated everything we have been given... and people have "No Time To "waste" and the song title says another word, but if I put the correct word in there I might have the nations spies knocking on my door... anyway, no time to be "bothered" to help someone else. Rudeness prevails. People are so lazy, or so uncaring about others, that they cannot take one extra minute to put a shopping cart back in the front door at Wal-Greens!!!! Now tell me why it is so damned hard to walk an empty basket in the front door of the store and put it up??? IT just bugs me to no end, and I put EVERY one of them up each time I see then sitting on the sidewalk outside the store! Wal-Greens does not have space or a place for baskets to sit outside. They can roll out in the street, or damage a car... or someone fall over one... why can you have time to bring it out to your car, but you cannot take that one more minute to roll it in???? Because we have "no time" to be bothered with being "nice", or thoughtful. WE push our way into this world, and then we push, shove, and scratch our way through out the world the rest of our lives... often putting everything "we" want ahead of all others and all other things. So, today as YOU read these headlines, ask yourself...How do THEY make YOU FEEL!??? What you do think when you read all the "bad" in our news daily? It makes me literally sick!!!! (by the way, I am not one to "profess" and speak about "religion" here or online, I speak about FAITH often, and I do not want to sound like some "doomsday" prophet, but we should be on our knees everyday praying for things to be better, asking for things in people's hearts and minds to change. I fear... it is TOO LATE to "fix" this world....(IMOHP)... not anything, anyone has to agree with me about....Rhia
This is the song I was speaking of in this post..."No Time To Kill" by Clint Black... The lyrics remind me always of just how crazed this world is, how hurriedly we allow things that should matter to pass us by... and the things that don't we allow to take over our lives ..... Clint Black There's no time to kill between the cradle and the grave
Father Time still takes a toll on every minute that you save
Legal tender's never gonna change the number on your days
The highest cost of livin's dyin', that's one everybody pays
So have it spent before you get the bill, there's no time to kill
If we'd known ten years ago today would be ten years from now
Would we spend tomorrow's yesterdays and make it last somehow
Or lead the cheers in someone else's game and never learn to play
And see the rules of thumb are all the same that measure every day
The grass is green on both sides of the hill, there's no time to kill
No time to kill, even I've said it, and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill
If we had an hour glass to watch each one go by
Or a bell to mark each one to pass, we'd see just how they fly
Would we escalate the value to be worth its weight in gold
Or would we never know the fortunes that we had 'til we grow old
And do we just keep killin' time until there's no time to kill
No time to kill, even I've said it and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill
No time to kill, even I've said it and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill
No time to kill
No time to kill
No time to kill Clint Black No Time To Kill Lyrics....
1) 42 dead, 322 hurt in clashes near pro-Morsi sit-in
2) Extreme summer weather grips nation
3) Flash flood warnings from Gulf Coast to Ohio Valley
4) 'Surreal' escape: How survivors fled badly damaged Asiana Flight 214
5) Will forests flourish after fires? In a warming world, not always
6) Plane crash in Alaska kills 10
7) Captain of crashed San Francisco plane was 'in training,' had only 43 hours piloting 777s Syrian opposition head expects advanced weapons
9) Five die, 40 missing after Canadian freight train disaster
10) Singapore Inquest Rules American Killed Himself
11) Bus swerves off the road and crashes in central Spain, killing 9 people and injuring 21 others, Spanish police say -
12) Ohio sinkhole swallows woman's car
13) Officials say gunmen kill 6 people in Iraq ambush
14) Fearing contamination, Chinese pay more for imported infant goods
15) WHO forms emergency committee on new MERS virus
16) Insecticides can weaken and kill honeybees -- that's bad news
if the last one is the "bad news" damned what about the ones ahead of it? Of course No Honeybees means we are doomed anyway!!!
When I came as usual to my computer to check the weather first, then read the headlines, all I wanted to do is turn off my computer, hide in a hole, and forget about everything in THIS world! My Lord!!! Where are all the "good" headlines? Now, one could look at this several ways. One, our world is a frigged up mess!!!! Each day we are so bombarded with all of the horrid crap going on in our towns, cities, counties, states, nations and countries... we almost act "benign" to it all. We have grown accustomed to seeing the bad that we do not stop to think, GOD! What is happening??? We take it all with a grain of salt and go on. Or we could look at all of this and say it is the "news" media. Let's face it! "GOOD" news does not SELL like "bad" news does!!! People want the hard core, gory details of everything that is a slaughter house type of news story, but the "good stuff" many just blow off. Or what I feel is the first two are true, but that is because that we have gone ape shi& nuts! We have destroyed our water, land, and air! We are people that are crazed with MORE, MORE,MORE & ME, ME ,ME!!! Greed runs our nations and countries, including our governments, and corporations. Those WITH the MONEY RULE whether we want to believe it or NOT, they rule over all of us that "think" we are the middle guys or the poor. WE are NOT the ones with the "good" life! Look around, from fire to floods, from drought to famine, from hurricanes to tornado's, from changes in our weather patterns that have reeked such havoc over our country alone, that we have lost billions of acres of our land to such disasters man-made and human, that most of us living today will never see "Humpty-Dumpty" put back together again. In other words, our temperatures right here in my own home town have soared so high, and we have had such drought conditions, that many, many of our huge 100 year old trees, all of our trees, appear that they might just die! We ourselves have lost two huge trees that have to be over 50 years old. And we fear losing the three incredibly beautiful blooming ones in our front yard! They are so in lack of moisture they can't even bloom properly. We have been here 7 years and I have never seen things so bad, and that is just our lawn. Drive around our town, and so many lawns, trees, shrubs, things that were planted years and years ago are shriveling and dying due to extreme heat and lack of water! And there is no way to afford to try and water all of these, you could not pay the bill it would be so high, plus things are in such dire straits, it would not help anyway. Then we also suffered the tornado damage. It was not like many, many other towns around our nation, but it was not great either. We have suffered thousands and thousands of dollars of damage that some is just irreparable. You cannot put "value" on personal photos, things the are of value in the heart, not monetarily when disaster strikes.
We have become so selfish, so inward, rude, insensitive, and just plain, right down unwilling to open our eyes, and see that the world is growing near that "time" closer every day. And we go one doing, being, and not seeing that we should STOP and give some thought to each day... when you SEE HEADLINES!!! like this day after day, after day... killings, murders, man made disasters, Mother Nature's wrath upon how we have mistreated everything we have been given... and people have "No Time To "waste" and the song title says another word, but if I put the correct word in there I might have the nations spies knocking on my door... anyway, no time to be "bothered" to help someone else. Rudeness prevails. People are so lazy, or so uncaring about others, that they cannot take one extra minute to put a shopping cart back in the front door at Wal-Greens!!!! Now tell me why it is so damned hard to walk an empty basket in the front door of the store and put it up??? IT just bugs me to no end, and I put EVERY one of them up each time I see then sitting on the sidewalk outside the store! Wal-Greens does not have space or a place for baskets to sit outside. They can roll out in the street, or damage a car... or someone fall over one... why can you have time to bring it out to your car, but you cannot take that one more minute to roll it in???? Because we have "no time" to be bothered with being "nice", or thoughtful. WE push our way into this world, and then we push, shove, and scratch our way through out the world the rest of our lives... often putting everything "we" want ahead of all others and all other things. So, today as YOU read these headlines, ask yourself...How do THEY make YOU FEEL!??? What you do think when you read all the "bad" in our news daily? It makes me literally sick!!!! (by the way, I am not one to "profess" and speak about "religion" here or online, I speak about FAITH often, and I do not want to sound like some "doomsday" prophet, but we should be on our knees everyday praying for things to be better, asking for things in people's hearts and minds to change. I fear... it is TOO LATE to "fix" this world....(IMOHP)... not anything, anyone has to agree with me about....Rhia
This is the song I was speaking of in this post..."No Time To Kill" by Clint Black... The lyrics remind me always of just how crazed this world is, how hurriedly we allow things that should matter to pass us by... and the things that don't we allow to take over our lives ..... Clint Black There's no time to kill between the cradle and the grave
Father Time still takes a toll on every minute that you save
Legal tender's never gonna change the number on your days
The highest cost of livin's dyin', that's one everybody pays
So have it spent before you get the bill, there's no time to kill
If we'd known ten years ago today would be ten years from now
Would we spend tomorrow's yesterdays and make it last somehow
Or lead the cheers in someone else's game and never learn to play
And see the rules of thumb are all the same that measure every day
The grass is green on both sides of the hill, there's no time to kill
No time to kill, even I've said it, and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill
If we had an hour glass to watch each one go by
Or a bell to mark each one to pass, we'd see just how they fly
Would we escalate the value to be worth its weight in gold
Or would we never know the fortunes that we had 'til we grow old
And do we just keep killin' time until there's no time to kill
No time to kill, even I've said it and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill
No time to kill, even I've said it and probably always will
But I can look ahead and see that time ain't standin' still
No time to kill but time to change the kind of hurry I've been in
And quit this work and worry lookin' back at where I've been
If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill
No time to kill
No time to kill
No time to kill Clint Black No Time To Kill Lyrics....
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Happy 4th of July!!!! And things Keep Me Busy!
Lots going on lately! Of course wishing everyone a Happy and Safe 4th of July! Kind of wished I would have packed up my Mom and went to the Casino for the day. But, I figure between all of the traffic through Dallas, and the crowd at the Casino, Sunday will more than likely be a much better day! Just found out we are having a Class Reunion this Fall! I am so thrilled. I am trying to write "lyrics" or a poem for it. Right now it sounds more like lyrics in my head, but with mine you never know...LOL! I missed the last one. I just did not get the information in time, and missed it by about a week. So, I am going to try and be involved with this one and help out with what I can! We have new baby robins! They are in our tree right in the front yard and we have been observing them and their parents. It has just fascinated me to no end to watch them. The way they do things, protect them, others are building nests now, and I just am amazed. I also saw a hummingbird yesterday finally!!!! After my daughter suggested some flowering bushes, and I picked up a few others and got them planted, then all of a sudden yesterday we saw a couple of them right by our feeders! So, I got up early and cleaned the feeders and refilled them with new food! I am so hoping they stay around for the summer, but I have come to realize they can be quite fickle. Anyway, just lots of stuff going on... do hope to take Mom to either Choctaw or Winstar Sunday... I have been having issues with pain and weakness again in my legs... in the front and back of my calves, plus more pain and stiffness in my feet, ankles, wrists and hands. I see my Rheumatologist I think in August, thank goodness. Rather than his "PA" I get to see him as far as I know. That will be a much better scenario. I just do not care for her at all... she is just one of those that blows you off, and does not give a darned what you want to say, etc... and my Rheumy is SO incredible! So, it will be nice to get to see him... it has been over 6 months since I got to. more to come... I am just doing stuff around the house today, cooked a little, messing with my drums and keyboard... or I may not do a thing but sit on my butt!!! LOL!!!:) Hugs to All, Rhia
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Lots on My Mind but Nothing Coming To Fruition
I have been "absentee" lately. I mean as of being here to write. Not that I have not written something, at least in my head. I have had a really difficult week or so. Between being upset over Mom and I not going to the Casino on Sunday, which I feel was my own fault, to just my own inner feelings and emotions... add in hot weather, errands, the endless battle of medications, doctors, pharmacies, insurance and people who just cannot or will not do their jobs, & being chronically ill... ah, and of course the importance of everything that is so tragic around our globe, it is hard to NOT be disgusted, disenchanted, and disconnected. I think that might be a great word to describe how I've felt the last couple of weeks... disconnected.
Due to what should have been "stormy weather" (sounds like the name of a song) :) ... that caused me to decide to postpone our girls trip on Sunday, to the point that it did NOT rain, and the sun was shining beautifully all day, I got pissed at myself. I have to wonder if that was just an excuse not to go. If I was trying to get out of going with my Mom to the casino, why did I? I love going! I love that day trip, whether all three of us go, or just "the girls" as I say when my Mom and I go alone, because Jim stays home to work, I always enjoy going. We do NOT spend a great deal of money. It is more about getting out, being together, enjoying a "huge" McDonald's Dollar Menu breakfast along the way, and then just the excitement of watching people, seeing how they play, doing a little playing ourselves, and being out of the house. So, "money" per se, is really not it. Lord knows I am in this house, or may I say at home just about all the time. Other than running errands, the market, or the occasion hated trip to Wally World, I am at this house, either out or in. Am I just getting old? Again I know I am slower than ever. I have tried in every way to figure out a way to get dressed quicker, get my make up and hair done... and be out the door in less that over 3 hours. I was not like that just a few years ago... now I just have to almost get out of the shower, put some gel in my hair, while it air dries, throw clothes and my sandals on, if I am really with it, my watch, earrings and ankle bracelet, and lately not even the usual necklace gets put on. I have this thing now that I question my motivation... or may I day "What motivation?" !!! Now I think to myself "Why the necklace or makeup". I am just going to Wally World, or to pay the water bill. It is not like I will run into the President of the United States while in down town Ennis!!!
I still run flat into my own wall though, no matter which direction I turn. I try and tell myself that I will "feel better" if I do, this, that or the other. If I "dress up" (by dress up I mean put my makeup on, fix my hair up, and so forth) I will feel better. Well, I am here to tell you when chronic pain and illness falls upon you, dressing up does not necessarily mean you will have a better emotional time at that moment. It may, don't get me wrong. Of course I never make a "run to the store" and not at least be showered, looking presentable. I can say that is more than I see in our local markets and our local Wally World. I just saw a "poll" the other day about what you "can't stand" as far as what happens in the market. Out of the top ten things, a woman in her flannel pajamas and a night shirt on. I must say that is almost my number one peeve! BAD customer service of course is the first one, bur right behind that is others that do not have the gumption to at least put on shorts or jeans and a shirt. Good Lord, even at my worst, I think the ONLY time I have been out in public with flannels bottoms on is a the emergency room, or dog sick at my doctors office.
I am not sure exactly what has drawn me into the inner place of really not wanting to do any one thing. Usually I love baking, or of course writing. I love playing the drums, or the keyboard. I absolutely love being out side during the sunny days of summer. Even that with all of our new bushes and flowers does not really thrill me either.
If anyone did not know me well, and came around, they would swear I was depressed. I guess in a way you could call it somewhat depressed. But, I feel I am not that much in a depressive state, as much as I am in a state of trying to not think I am totally disillusioned with everything.
What have a truly accomplished in my life time? Have I or am I on the path I am supposed to follow to get me where I need to be? At 53, I get to thinking about this 35 YEARS!!!! yes 35 YEARS!!! since I graduated from High School! That seems totally impossible. In many ways it feels like was just a few weeks ago. I can still remember walking those stairs in the old High School Building, that did not even have an elevator to my knowledge. There were 3 floors, and then a basement floor. The 2nd floor contained the main office and the library. I always loved the library. It faced the back of the building, but it still had good view. I remember the building where journalism and our school paper was. I remember many of my class rooms, and my teachers.
As we get ready to have our 35th reunion, I have had many things rushing through my mind. How many of us stayed right here, yet there were lots of us that scattered to the 4 winds. From a vet, to several who are Aggies, foot ball coaches, Mom's and Dad's, nurses doctors, some took over their own family business. Some building homes, other artists, bankers, and just every day folks that can also remember well those high school years.
Some I am sure have had the journey of their lives such as mine. I traveled to several places along the way since I left Ennis High in November 1977. From marrying 3 days later, to working at Ennis Business Forms. Then to being a single Mom, and working in Dallas at a bank. Then to a bank here back home, going to college part time, remarried and having my daughter, a 2nd child. After that time seemed to really go by fast. Kids seem to keep you young, and then one day you wake up, the house is quiet and their gone. I made a move to California for awhile, and in fact was their another short time just a few years ago, before moving back to my home town. Oddly enough I made a "full circle" through the journey of my life. Getting to experience Seattle, which was just incredible for 5 years, 2 different places in CA, Lancaster and San Pedro, both were just wonderful. Austin was also a wonderful city. It was beautiful, and big enough, with being too huge. I got to spend only a week in Florida, but wow talk about a week that truly remained one of the high lights of my life. Hollywood Florida, has to be one of the most incredible places in the entire US! It was just magnificent and I would have given my eye teeth to live in the house we looked at. Yet, for reasons we often do not understand, it was not meant for us to be there. So, when Ennis called us back, I returned, and will probably remain here, but that is also okay. My Mom is here and she needs me, and my days of traveling and moving I feel are over. '
When I consider all that I have had the fortunate things to do, and accomplish; although some would think that is not much, I should be elated, not down in the dumps about where my life has been, gone, went, and now is. There are so manyy more times I would have loved to be on the ski slopes, or the dance floor, or had the opportunity to learn to play the drums better, the guitar better, take more art lessons, accomplish a great book that would "sell". I would have loved to flown to Europe, and seen all of the "great" places there. Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Malta, Czechoslovakia, The entire UK, and many more. Spices from all of the exotic places, and see all types of different buildings, museums, and monuments. There are still many states and things in out country I have yet to do and want to do.
So, pieces of me are in a spot of restlessness, of wanton... of the things I have missed out in my life. Yet, just me climbing on a chair to change a light bulb can be a little "iffy" now.
As you celebrate this holiday and you look around at your life, your family, your friends, kids, you can also give a shot at thinking about all that life has brought to you... those things that you may not regret, but wished you still had the chance to do.... remember you still just might... some sky dive at 80, some deep sea dive at 75, their are still lots of great years ahead of you.... so never let the fear of living keep you from doing just that.... living...
Due to what should have been "stormy weather" (sounds like the name of a song) :) ... that caused me to decide to postpone our girls trip on Sunday, to the point that it did NOT rain, and the sun was shining beautifully all day, I got pissed at myself. I have to wonder if that was just an excuse not to go. If I was trying to get out of going with my Mom to the casino, why did I? I love going! I love that day trip, whether all three of us go, or just "the girls" as I say when my Mom and I go alone, because Jim stays home to work, I always enjoy going. We do NOT spend a great deal of money. It is more about getting out, being together, enjoying a "huge" McDonald's Dollar Menu breakfast along the way, and then just the excitement of watching people, seeing how they play, doing a little playing ourselves, and being out of the house. So, "money" per se, is really not it. Lord knows I am in this house, or may I say at home just about all the time. Other than running errands, the market, or the occasion hated trip to Wally World, I am at this house, either out or in. Am I just getting old? Again I know I am slower than ever. I have tried in every way to figure out a way to get dressed quicker, get my make up and hair done... and be out the door in less that over 3 hours. I was not like that just a few years ago... now I just have to almost get out of the shower, put some gel in my hair, while it air dries, throw clothes and my sandals on, if I am really with it, my watch, earrings and ankle bracelet, and lately not even the usual necklace gets put on. I have this thing now that I question my motivation... or may I day "What motivation?" !!! Now I think to myself "Why the necklace or makeup". I am just going to Wally World, or to pay the water bill. It is not like I will run into the President of the United States while in down town Ennis!!!
I still run flat into my own wall though, no matter which direction I turn. I try and tell myself that I will "feel better" if I do, this, that or the other. If I "dress up" (by dress up I mean put my makeup on, fix my hair up, and so forth) I will feel better. Well, I am here to tell you when chronic pain and illness falls upon you, dressing up does not necessarily mean you will have a better emotional time at that moment. It may, don't get me wrong. Of course I never make a "run to the store" and not at least be showered, looking presentable. I can say that is more than I see in our local markets and our local Wally World. I just saw a "poll" the other day about what you "can't stand" as far as what happens in the market. Out of the top ten things, a woman in her flannel pajamas and a night shirt on. I must say that is almost my number one peeve! BAD customer service of course is the first one, bur right behind that is others that do not have the gumption to at least put on shorts or jeans and a shirt. Good Lord, even at my worst, I think the ONLY time I have been out in public with flannels bottoms on is a the emergency room, or dog sick at my doctors office.
I am not sure exactly what has drawn me into the inner place of really not wanting to do any one thing. Usually I love baking, or of course writing. I love playing the drums, or the keyboard. I absolutely love being out side during the sunny days of summer. Even that with all of our new bushes and flowers does not really thrill me either.
If anyone did not know me well, and came around, they would swear I was depressed. I guess in a way you could call it somewhat depressed. But, I feel I am not that much in a depressive state, as much as I am in a state of trying to not think I am totally disillusioned with everything.
What have a truly accomplished in my life time? Have I or am I on the path I am supposed to follow to get me where I need to be? At 53, I get to thinking about this 35 YEARS!!!! yes 35 YEARS!!! since I graduated from High School! That seems totally impossible. In many ways it feels like was just a few weeks ago. I can still remember walking those stairs in the old High School Building, that did not even have an elevator to my knowledge. There were 3 floors, and then a basement floor. The 2nd floor contained the main office and the library. I always loved the library. It faced the back of the building, but it still had good view. I remember the building where journalism and our school paper was. I remember many of my class rooms, and my teachers.
As we get ready to have our 35th reunion, I have had many things rushing through my mind. How many of us stayed right here, yet there were lots of us that scattered to the 4 winds. From a vet, to several who are Aggies, foot ball coaches, Mom's and Dad's, nurses doctors, some took over their own family business. Some building homes, other artists, bankers, and just every day folks that can also remember well those high school years.
Some I am sure have had the journey of their lives such as mine. I traveled to several places along the way since I left Ennis High in November 1977. From marrying 3 days later, to working at Ennis Business Forms. Then to being a single Mom, and working in Dallas at a bank. Then to a bank here back home, going to college part time, remarried and having my daughter, a 2nd child. After that time seemed to really go by fast. Kids seem to keep you young, and then one day you wake up, the house is quiet and their gone. I made a move to California for awhile, and in fact was their another short time just a few years ago, before moving back to my home town. Oddly enough I made a "full circle" through the journey of my life. Getting to experience Seattle, which was just incredible for 5 years, 2 different places in CA, Lancaster and San Pedro, both were just wonderful. Austin was also a wonderful city. It was beautiful, and big enough, with being too huge. I got to spend only a week in Florida, but wow talk about a week that truly remained one of the high lights of my life. Hollywood Florida, has to be one of the most incredible places in the entire US! It was just magnificent and I would have given my eye teeth to live in the house we looked at. Yet, for reasons we often do not understand, it was not meant for us to be there. So, when Ennis called us back, I returned, and will probably remain here, but that is also okay. My Mom is here and she needs me, and my days of traveling and moving I feel are over. '
When I consider all that I have had the fortunate things to do, and accomplish; although some would think that is not much, I should be elated, not down in the dumps about where my life has been, gone, went, and now is. There are so manyy more times I would have loved to be on the ski slopes, or the dance floor, or had the opportunity to learn to play the drums better, the guitar better, take more art lessons, accomplish a great book that would "sell". I would have loved to flown to Europe, and seen all of the "great" places there. Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Malta, Czechoslovakia, The entire UK, and many more. Spices from all of the exotic places, and see all types of different buildings, museums, and monuments. There are still many states and things in out country I have yet to do and want to do.
So, pieces of me are in a spot of restlessness, of wanton... of the things I have missed out in my life. Yet, just me climbing on a chair to change a light bulb can be a little "iffy" now.
As you celebrate this holiday and you look around at your life, your family, your friends, kids, you can also give a shot at thinking about all that life has brought to you... those things that you may not regret, but wished you still had the chance to do.... remember you still just might... some sky dive at 80, some deep sea dive at 75, their are still lots of great years ahead of you.... so never let the fear of living keep you from doing just that.... living...
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
"Mystery" of Fibromylagia Could be Solved!!
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23691965
http://www.intidyn.com/Newsroom/article-0009.html
This is just incredible!! IF they now have all of this, there is certainly a way to "cure" it!!! I just had to post this for all of the millions that suffer with this illness that are still all too often told "it is all in your head" NO! It is in your skin!
http://www.intidyn.com/Newsroom/article-0009.html
This is just incredible!! IF they now have all of this, there is certainly a way to "cure" it!!! I just had to post this for all of the millions that suffer with this illness that are still all too often told "it is all in your head" NO! It is in your skin!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Truly "Living" between Flares
Life without chronic illness is difficult enough these days. Our times seems to never be our own. When you work outside the home, have children, and try to maintain a home, how you work in "self time" is certainly a challenge.
Yet, when you deal with a chronic illness or illnesses, especially those that bring pain, fatigue and other symptoms that slow you down, it is just as bad as the above. You may not work "outside" the home, and due to illness and pain, you do not have the capability to do all you set out to do in a given day, thus time is even more of a precious commodity. I have been so very fortunate to have most of the long time "flares" seemingly under control. Even though it took many years, even my husband and family notice that my days and weeks of being on the sofa, day after day, not able to do much of anything have become less and less. The past couple of months have just been mind boggling even for me. Sure, I still have daily pain, stiffness, swelling, and the fatigue is always on the back burner simmering. Yet, I have been able to keep them under control, at bay, for a good while now.
The spring and summer always seem to help bring even the worst of chronic illness somewhat to a lesser stance. You still have symptoms, they are like the wolf, always underlying, you know they have not left for good. Yet, medications seem to work better, just having an increase of sun light, and not so much dreary and dark time in our days, the warmth (LET'S SAY Hot as HADES!!) in TX now, the beauty of flowers, green trees, and all of the "renewal" of life, is like breathing fresh life into your own body. Now, I must admit there are some things about the heat and sun that are not good at all for diseases such as Lupus, RA, FM, CFS and the like. As wonderful as sunlight is for all of us, when filtered out from the harmful rays with the proper sunscreen, it can bring an acute flair of Lupus on. You must be extremely cautious about the sun. I know I get a little lax in putting on my sunscreen, or I want to run out in middle of the hot part of the afternoon and put more water on my newer planted plants, and as soon as I step into that hot sun, beading down on me, I can just feel it blistering my skin. I know the Lupus has lots to do with it, but so do some of the medications I take for the Lupus. My skin has become so thin, that a few moments out in full sun, and I am baking not the correct kind. So, please heed the warnings, for all, if you are outside, use the sunscreen to block those harmful rays and do not overheat when doing activities such as yard work. IF you have Lupus, you want to AVOID the full sun as much as possible. Use your sunscreen especially a good one on your face. You have the added benefit of helping to hold back wrinkles and fine lines that those sun worshipers tend to find at a young age.
Thus back to my story. I have been able for weeks now to enjoy being outside. Along with the coming of spring and summer came a renewal of life almost, when I an able to be out in the wonders of the warm weather. I love the plant life, all of the blossoms, the greenness of the trees, the breeze when it is here and not a hot breeze, planting new plants, and all that you can do when the days are longer. Yet I know I take a chance when I get out and "overdo". I know on those days I feel almost normal again, so I want to cherish every moment, by working everything possible in that I have not felt like doing for so long.
Of course, I knew there would soon come a day that the "wolf" would rear his ugly head, and yesterday was the day. I woke feeling like I had partied for days without stopping. I felt like I had a hangover from hell, severe headache, nauseated, pain in my joints, fatigue, and just so lethargic. All of those symptoms you dread, because you know what they mean. Thus I was on the sofa most of the day yesterday. Then you are concerned... you ask yourself "is this just a one day thing", or is this going to turn into a full blown flare? You make it almost worse because you question your own motives. Yet, I tried my best not question whether this is a full blown flair, and try to not feel "personally" responsible it came on. There are times when someone with Lupus may not appear to do anything to "cause" this horrid "Wolf" to surface and yet you still have all of the symptoms. Other times you may be out and about for weeks at a time, even months, staying busy, not even concerned about this chronic illness coming on. And you may run errands, be outside, do yard work, house work, and run around like a "chicken with your head cut off" as my Dad used to say, yet the activities don't effect your outcome of a flare or not. So, as I walked in the very early dawn around my driveway for my usual exercise time, I thought about lyrics to a song that somehow could "signify" all the different things and ways Lupus and the other Chronic Illnesses and Pain act in your life... But, I want to make it more not actually using the Lupus word in the song... but someway I want to get the message over about the heart ache, the devastation, the pain, the fogginess... yet just how much courage you have to have to rise above all of that each morning, face the day... and try to meet the challenge of these illnesses no matter what they decide you should stand for in your life. LOL, brain fog at the moment in fact has set in. I have a certain "word" I want to use to describe what I want the lyrics to be, yet I can't think of the exact word to describe what I am speaking of.
Thus, so as I walked and walked, singing to myself, different ways to put lyrics, in order for whomever hears it will know it is about a heart ache, but not one about love's and the way it can break your heart... I want to word it to where... it is a ........ well damned, an explanation about the disease and its symptoms without using Lupus etc in it exactly... Ah!!!! "Metaphorical Music!" that is the "term" I spent hours looking for to describe the type of music lyrics I am trying to write. See, another day of haze from my brain... yet I won't allow that wolf to get hold of my reigns.... I see him coming, I hear his roar... for I Know the Wolf can come a knocking at my door...
Just a line or so I thought might work... not sure.. but at least I finally found what one word I was trying my damnedest to think of....
Okay, more things to do, like get over the damned "sting" that I got this am while watering plants outside... I received a surprise that I did not want... not sure what it was but I think a ground hornet that decided to use my foot for his stings... I cried and screamed... OMG right between my toes...
Thus I am a bit tired this morning, and kind of worn down...
Yet, when you deal with a chronic illness or illnesses, especially those that bring pain, fatigue and other symptoms that slow you down, it is just as bad as the above. You may not work "outside" the home, and due to illness and pain, you do not have the capability to do all you set out to do in a given day, thus time is even more of a precious commodity. I have been so very fortunate to have most of the long time "flares" seemingly under control. Even though it took many years, even my husband and family notice that my days and weeks of being on the sofa, day after day, not able to do much of anything have become less and less. The past couple of months have just been mind boggling even for me. Sure, I still have daily pain, stiffness, swelling, and the fatigue is always on the back burner simmering. Yet, I have been able to keep them under control, at bay, for a good while now.
The spring and summer always seem to help bring even the worst of chronic illness somewhat to a lesser stance. You still have symptoms, they are like the wolf, always underlying, you know they have not left for good. Yet, medications seem to work better, just having an increase of sun light, and not so much dreary and dark time in our days, the warmth (LET'S SAY Hot as HADES!!) in TX now, the beauty of flowers, green trees, and all of the "renewal" of life, is like breathing fresh life into your own body. Now, I must admit there are some things about the heat and sun that are not good at all for diseases such as Lupus, RA, FM, CFS and the like. As wonderful as sunlight is for all of us, when filtered out from the harmful rays with the proper sunscreen, it can bring an acute flair of Lupus on. You must be extremely cautious about the sun. I know I get a little lax in putting on my sunscreen, or I want to run out in middle of the hot part of the afternoon and put more water on my newer planted plants, and as soon as I step into that hot sun, beading down on me, I can just feel it blistering my skin. I know the Lupus has lots to do with it, but so do some of the medications I take for the Lupus. My skin has become so thin, that a few moments out in full sun, and I am baking not the correct kind. So, please heed the warnings, for all, if you are outside, use the sunscreen to block those harmful rays and do not overheat when doing activities such as yard work. IF you have Lupus, you want to AVOID the full sun as much as possible. Use your sunscreen especially a good one on your face. You have the added benefit of helping to hold back wrinkles and fine lines that those sun worshipers tend to find at a young age.
Thus back to my story. I have been able for weeks now to enjoy being outside. Along with the coming of spring and summer came a renewal of life almost, when I an able to be out in the wonders of the warm weather. I love the plant life, all of the blossoms, the greenness of the trees, the breeze when it is here and not a hot breeze, planting new plants, and all that you can do when the days are longer. Yet I know I take a chance when I get out and "overdo". I know on those days I feel almost normal again, so I want to cherish every moment, by working everything possible in that I have not felt like doing for so long.
Of course, I knew there would soon come a day that the "wolf" would rear his ugly head, and yesterday was the day. I woke feeling like I had partied for days without stopping. I felt like I had a hangover from hell, severe headache, nauseated, pain in my joints, fatigue, and just so lethargic. All of those symptoms you dread, because you know what they mean. Thus I was on the sofa most of the day yesterday. Then you are concerned... you ask yourself "is this just a one day thing", or is this going to turn into a full blown flare? You make it almost worse because you question your own motives. Yet, I tried my best not question whether this is a full blown flair, and try to not feel "personally" responsible it came on. There are times when someone with Lupus may not appear to do anything to "cause" this horrid "Wolf" to surface and yet you still have all of the symptoms. Other times you may be out and about for weeks at a time, even months, staying busy, not even concerned about this chronic illness coming on. And you may run errands, be outside, do yard work, house work, and run around like a "chicken with your head cut off" as my Dad used to say, yet the activities don't effect your outcome of a flare or not. So, as I walked in the very early dawn around my driveway for my usual exercise time, I thought about lyrics to a song that somehow could "signify" all the different things and ways Lupus and the other Chronic Illnesses and Pain act in your life... But, I want to make it more not actually using the Lupus word in the song... but someway I want to get the message over about the heart ache, the devastation, the pain, the fogginess... yet just how much courage you have to have to rise above all of that each morning, face the day... and try to meet the challenge of these illnesses no matter what they decide you should stand for in your life. LOL, brain fog at the moment in fact has set in. I have a certain "word" I want to use to describe what I want the lyrics to be, yet I can't think of the exact word to describe what I am speaking of.
Thus, so as I walked and walked, singing to myself, different ways to put lyrics, in order for whomever hears it will know it is about a heart ache, but not one about love's and the way it can break your heart... I want to word it to where... it is a ........ well damned, an explanation about the disease and its symptoms without using Lupus etc in it exactly... Ah!!!! "Metaphorical Music!" that is the "term" I spent hours looking for to describe the type of music lyrics I am trying to write. See, another day of haze from my brain... yet I won't allow that wolf to get hold of my reigns.... I see him coming, I hear his roar... for I Know the Wolf can come a knocking at my door...
Just a line or so I thought might work... not sure.. but at least I finally found what one word I was trying my damnedest to think of....
Okay, more things to do, like get over the damned "sting" that I got this am while watering plants outside... I received a surprise that I did not want... not sure what it was but I think a ground hornet that decided to use my foot for his stings... I cried and screamed... OMG right between my toes...
Thus I am a bit tired this morning, and kind of worn down...
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