Battling The "Wolf" - Slaying the Symptoms & Fighting the Good Fight of Life

This morning, as many, I am torn. Torn between this... and that. Torn between working on my poetry book (Tattered Musings) The 2nd one I want to have ready to publish in a couple of months, and my book "Reaching Beyond". I am torn between being here to write, and make sure I keep in touch with my fans, which of course I am not sure even how many read my blog. I donn't have many that post, thus I really can't guess at the amount of those that actually follow along. I have quite a few followers on Facebook, and they certainly know about my blog, but whether they take time to come here to read what I have written is not something I usually think about.
I don't get all wrapped up in numbers, and I am certainly not standing in the vanity of worry that I need more people here to read, or I am not famous, or I am not reaching out to enough of an audience. As one of the partial old sayings go, "Write, and They Shall Come".
As one of my own sayings goes, "Do NOTHING, and NOTHING gets done". So, rather than sit around worrying, because sitting around worrying, also GETS nothing done! If I have learned anything from life in my 5 decades plus a couple of years here, worry gets you no where. I told my Mom just this week that I could help her figure out if all that she worries about is worth it or not.
I said "Mom, if you pick something you are concerned about or really sitting around worrying about, say to yourself, Is there anything I can do, to "fix" the issue? If you can't do one thing to fix what you are so worried about, then it is absolutely futile to make yourself ill over being so overly concerned. As I told her for example, I could sit around and "worry" as often she does about my "illness". I could make myself even more ill by constantly stressing over it. Where would that get me? I cannot "fix" what is wrong with me. I can "do" the things I am supposed to, like take my medications, watch my diet, exercise, take care of myself, etc. BUT me being so concerned that I literally am that frightened about it, does nothing. I cannot make Lupus or RA go away. I cannot do anymore than what I am doing for now. Thus to worry does nothing, but waste time. energy, and puts undue stress on me that could make me more ill. I could worry about whether a car will run over me tomorrow, or that Jupiter will fall out of the sky, or that the stock market will crash next month, and the what ifs' can build on forever into an eternity.
Maybe life comes full circle with "worry" like other things do. We come full circle from being a child, to a young adult, to an adult, to elderly, and then many of us come back to almost a "child-like" stage as we get to be very elderly. We get stubborn and bull headed, we become at a stage that we decide not to eat certain things, or throw "temper tantrums", or just turn back to the things we did as children. So, life as that goes comes so often full circle. So, it seems worry and concern does also. When we are children and young, we have no worries. We are not concerned about anything. We live in this absolute faith that life is life, it is beautiful, nothing goes wrong, and it will be fixed by Mom and Dad if it does. Then we become teenagers, and worry kind of sets in. Worry about prom-dresses, and the cheerleader squad. Worry about dating, and whether a certain person would like to go out with us. Worry about getting our driver's license or our first car. Then onto worry about larger things such as finishing our education, what we want to do with our lives, and higher education, such as what college we want to go to. Then we get into college, and all too often, rather than get more "concerned", we tend to go into this place of "party". We are out of Mom's and Dad's sight. We are "on our own" and "grown" (or so we think). We tend to let our guards down on the worrying part of life, and just enjoy our "youth" again. We wax and wane throughout our lives in the realms of being overly concerned, down right worried, and almost out of control with the insanity of "fixing" everything. So, as time comes to graduate, and get a job, here comes the worry train again. All too often we climb on board it, and here we go. We are worried about the biggest home we can get to impress everyone, whether we have the latest car, the best design in furniture, clothing, shoes, and the best manicured finger nails, toe nails and lawn! Then comes a few years of dating, and we may again let our guard down, enjoy that last few years of "freedom", date as we want, spend too much money, and then that "right" person appears out of the blue, clear sky, and Voila', we are worrying about the PERFECT WEDDING, the perfect Honeymoon, and a better job, a larger home, because kids shall be on their way soon. Some of us I have noticed have chosen to wait longer with marriage and kids. For many of us we do establish a job, get a home, have our "dream" car, etc. and wait until even our 30's before we "settle in and settle down" with a partner for life. We have kids later now, rather than in our early twenties. Which depending on your personal preference and situation can work out either way. Personally, I am happy I chose to have my kids earlier in life. It seems I can relate to them better now that they are young adults. We seem to be closer in many ways, since the "age" gap is not so far away. Since this world changes so quickly now, the longer you wait the more it has changed, and it seems the further that generation gap gets between your kids and you. I saw that with my on Dad, who was in his mid-thirties when I was born. Things in life has changed so much, from him seeing a portion o the depression, and women never working, to when I was a young adult women go to college, work, and juggle family, a marriage and a household all at the same time. He never understood that. He never "got" why I wanted to go to college. He never understood many of the things I wanted to do or did in my adult life. But, we were from almost two different planets because his life was so totally different than the time that I was born and growing up.
So, then we worry through our middle aged years about jobs, finances, homes, cars, bills, feeding kids, putting them through college, retirement funds, income taxes, and you name it. We concern ourselves with all kinds of things we "can" d something about, and then there are all the others that we still worry about, and honestly there is not one thing we can do about it. We cannot stop the sun from falling out of the sky. We cannot overly concern ourselves about our grown children. That is a huge one for me. Once my kids we "adults", and chose to live not with me, and they were of age, then even though I do of course want them to be happy and safe, and well etc., I am NOT going to worry every day whether they are going to drink a beer, or get a tattoo, or fall in the yard, or raise their own kids right! I can give them advice, if they want it. I can pray that they have the guidance they need from the Lord above, but me worrying a bout foolish things like whether they need that new car, or need to go on a 2 week vacation, or whether they change jobs, and so forth, there are a million things that I just cannot do one thing about, so why worry?
Then we begin to get to that "half-century" mark. Either we are married or alone, widowed or divorced, or happily still married to the love of our life. Which ever it is, we begin to have "concerns". We are concerned about bills, retirement , money, and health. We start to have new aches and pains, our bones creak, we may have some minor health issues like high blood pressure pop up, so then we begin to be overly worried about health matters. Believe me, if you watch day time television like my Mom does, hell they will have you in the grave by the time you are 55 with all they can find to say is wrong. Or they say they can "cure" you from every thing that is wrong with you, by a few drops of some "liquid" miracle medication.The ones that really drive me nuts are all of these "1 minute miracle" cures, that can take an "80 year old elderly lady" and make here look 40 years old in a minute. Wow, reckon how many women and men have jumped on that bandwagon and spent a small fortune on the stuff? You can bet one in about 4 that see the ads, will pay those 4 payments of only $24.95 to find out that is absolutely see that there is NO WAY, no how. Don't get me wrong, I do believe if you begin at an early age, taking good care of your skin, keeping it up through the years, then yes I think you certainly can have a much younger looking, more youthful appearance as far as skin goes. Eating right, hydrating right, staying out of the sun without protection, all of those things add up to usually a more youthful appearance. BUT thinking some miracle ointment you buy and use after using it once or twice, yet not taking care of your self the entire time of your earlier life, you are nuts if you feel any of those treatments really work.
We are thrown into all of these things from news, to magazines, to TV "tele-mericals, or "info-mericials", whatever you may want to call them, on everything from "soup to nuts" as the old saying goes. So, once again, somewhere, somehow, some stranger, gets into our "door" and into our "heads" making us even more stressed out about appearance, about health, and about all of the health and body issues each and every person on this Earth knows that someday, we are going to age, we are going to wear out some of our parts, and either have them replaced, put up with them aching and hurting, or pray something new and less invasive comes along the lines of being better, quicker and easier for us to be less pain free, have less aches, or worn out joints, and find a way to make our older lives more comfortable to live with.
So, is the "journey" from birth, to toddler, to young child, to preteen and teen. Then comes young adult, adult, middle age, older age, elderly, and to me, now even more than "elderly", that age that is beyond those elderly years more often now, when other things such as Alzheimer's, dementia, or a combination of those hit us, and we maybe in many ways still productive, but we go past that to almost as I said in the beginning of this "child like".... coming full circle. from the first moment we take a breath... until that very last moment, we take that very final breath...As I look back at my younger years, and great memories, I also have fond memories of my current life, and I am so glad that even though I suffer much chronic illness and pain, I have and am blessed with many fond happenings, people and memories throughout my life times.
I look forward to the years ahead and pray the "foggy" portions of the Lupus hold off so I can continue to write, which is the number 1 thing I love to do.

So, as you contemplate over your life, memories, and times to make new ones as they come,  I pray you also find many realms of happiness, strength, joy, and the omnipresence of what true life, without real fear is all about.

LIFE- "Flu" Interrupted!

Can you ever say that one again! LIFE! Surely comes to a complete and quick halt if you become emerged in this latest "flu bug". I cannot remember in the past decade of my life, other than having double pneumonia when something like an illness knocked me on my butt for 10 days or more, but this one certainly has. I am still reeling from the damned thing, honestly NOT feeling normal" at all even yet. Today, after fighting with extreme fatigue, total lethargy, no appetite (well more like everything tastes like cardboard), and the worst aches and pains other than my RA, and chronic pains than I have dealt with in my life. I vaguely remember having a bad case of the flu about 15 or so years ago that sent me to the ER directly from my job, of which I was ill for 3 weeks. I actually lost that job because of it being a "retail women's clothing store", it was right after Christmas when the Huge New Years Sale was going on and I, the manager was out almost all of the big sale sick as a dog.
I believe this one may have topped it. I had some nausea, and I really never ran much of a fever, but I did for a couple of days have chills, where I just could not get warm. But, it is (and I am yes still is) the severely painful almost like leg cramps, lower back pains that I thought maybe kidney stones they have hurt so badly, and my neck, shoulders, back, even the bottoms of my feet hurt, much like when you have a flare with Lupus or RA.
Of course it could be that I do have a mixed situation here, and do have a flare of Lupus to top it off. That might explain the lingering severe bone aches, and the type of tiredness that will not even allow you to drag yourself to the shower, bathroom, or kitchen for a drink, barely. I am NOT one to ask for help, unless I have had a surgery that incapacitates me, but this certainly did that. It is crazy.

My daughter called and her two youngest have had it, but they ran fever, and hardly had no other symptoms but it was the flu. Her husband who is NEVER ill, it put him to bed, like me, for 7 or more days, and he was still not at his best even after that. I really never had any "cold like" symptoms, no cough, no other signs or symptoms, mainly pain and fatigue. I did have severe headaches several times, but I had so much aspirin flowing through me for the body aches that the headaches never lasted very long. I am most sure that I picked up the "bug" from my Uncle Joe's funeral. Of course here it is the middle of flu season, and you are hugging on people you have not seen in a while, and most assuredly being a funeral people do come sick or not at times. So, even if they have no symptoms, they could still be carrying the germs around, and passing them on to you. I was also shocked to find out that some of the flu virus can stay alive something lie 8 HOURS after leaving the body! That means if a phone, a desk, a cabinet, a sink, a doorknob, just about any and everything we touch inside or outside of our homes, can be a potential "carrier" if someone ill has touched it! Also, and I have witnessed this, when someone's sneezes, it goes it looks like for yards and yards! I watched as my dog sneezed in the sunlight one day, and it spread for what looked like the size of a sofa or larger right away. So, if someone fairly close either coughs or sneezes droplets are in the air for a long way from you. W do not realize things like that, yet then when we get ill, and really do not think we were around anyone that was ill, how we got the germs. Well, even if it takes a few days to show symptoms, yet you are already contagious, think about people you see rarely in the store, shake their hands and not see them again for months. They could be ill, or possibly you are carrying it, and one of you does not know that in a few days one or both of you may be ill. So, that explains why thing spread so quickly. Especially an illness that can spread like this so easily just by being in the air, or on things you use daily. OF course getting immunized annually, getting immunized every 5 years for pneumonia, and taking any other immunizations that your health provider may suggest if your best protection from either getting ill, or having it as badly as you could have. A very mild two or three day "version" is much better than a version that puts your butt on the sofa and in the bed for 2 weeks or more. As I said, I still honestly do not even feel like sitting here for very long at a time. The aches and pains are still coming and going some, although not nearly as intense as 10 days ago, and the fatigue is also still with me, and it is not quite as earth shatteringly tiring as at first. That is another thing and maybe it is just me. When I get this type of fatigue, I am not necessarily "sleepy", when I say fatigued or tired. I am severely bodily fatigued, like I feel as if my legs weigh a ton, but generally I am NOT really sleepy! So, then you get even for me sick of watching movies that you have seen, and to hell with regular daytime television, IT all sucks! So, I shall close for now, with a couple of things. First of all, try to STAY AWAY from this FLU mess!!!! it is one heck of a not nice illness! Secondly, if you or someone you love does get this crap, be PATIENT with them! IF they are still sick in 4 or 5 days, believe me, they are probably still feeling like hell. And even after they are up and about after 10 days, they still feel like warmed over crap. So, give yourself, or those close to you a break. Go get the flu shots!!! It is NOT too Late!!!!!

Getting Caught Up In The Flu Bug Season - A Bad Situation for Many Beginning the New Year

I have been so "under the weather" and felt as if I was "underneath a train" over the past 3 days, that I feel guilty about not being "here". I had posted a few days back thinking that the dramatic change in our weather here had brought on some terrible aches and pains in my joints. It tends to do that when we have pressure changes, changes with thunderstorms, humidity and so forth. It reeks havoc with those that have any type of joint, bone and even muscle issues. there is just something about the barometric pressure rising or falling, and then I always blame the drastic change in humidity that will make someone that feels just fine one day, be able to tell you 3 days before a bad storm strikes that it is coming in.
Actually, we could use joints on people such as mine to more accurately predict the weather than our own weather people now days. Kind of like it was when the first of the "Farmer's Almanac's " came out, (if you have never seen one, you should pick one up for the new year and keep up with it), there are all kinds of different things that can be dealt with, figured out, and so forth, from things like the pull of the moon, when it is full, or at all of the different phases, the soil, the temperature, the growing seasons, illnesses and different "remedies" that have been passed down from generations that have helped many not die honestly. In fact just this morning, I read an extremely interesting post on a friends page on one of the big places such as FB. It was about just this thing, involving onions. there were several really good stories about onions, and if you know about onions when you use them in cooking and so forth, those things make sense. Not only do onions "put off" a strong odor, they also tend to "absorb" things quickly. Smells, or different things even cooked with them, the onions tend to take on other items. Thus the idea of onions as a preventative for things such as the flu, or almost like a healing source to "pull out" an illness makes sense to me. Here is the stories:

ONIONS! I had never heard this!!!
PLEASE READ TO THE END: IMPORTANT

In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu...
Many of the farmers and their families had contracted it and many died.

The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.

Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser. She said that several years ago, many of her employees were coming down with the flu, and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.

Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions:

Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmer's story...but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia, and, needless to say, I was very ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put it into an empty jar, and place the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs...sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.

Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.

This is the other note. Lots of times when we have stomach problems we don't know what to blame. Maybe it's the onions that are to blame. Onions absorb bacteria is the reason they are so good at preventing us from getting colds and flu and is the very reason we shouldn't eat an onion that has been sitting for a time after it has been cut open.

LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS

I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist.

Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you. Ed said that all commercially-made mayo is completely safe.

"It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment. He then talked about the summer picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table, and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick.

Ed says that, when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES.

He explained onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and put it in your refrigerator.

It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!). Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.

Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions.

Please remember it is dangerous to cut an onion and try to use it to cook the next day, it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates toxic bacteria which may cause adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food poisoning.

Please pass this on to all you love and care about.
— with Adonain Danny Rivera."

I am not sure exactly where the person got  this, but I found it extremely interesting, especially in these times of "medications" that we tend to take for granted as being the "fix-all" thus we just the because the doctor tells us they will help, rather than at least looking them up to see what they are, what they do, how they do it, do people benefit from the medications, or do they have horrible side effects??? I can't say a word because I have such an "empire" of medications that I take daily, along with more I take on a weekly basis. Yet, I have questioned each one of them. I have done my research on them. I know the side effects, and if the "good things" they do outweigh the bad side effects they can cause. And although with chronic illnesses, we are put on often lots of medications, then we put ourselves on different supplements etc, I still go through my own wide array of scripts periodically checking them out again, and making sure I feel they are doing what they should be. 
After reading this about the onion though, it took me back to those times when the majority of medications did not exist. there were very little, maybe an antibiotic, disinfectant, and some type of pain medication. So, most of these were used only on the very ill, or for surgery, etc. If you were ill with a flu, cold, ear ache and so forth, you were given the home remedies passed down from the generations to be used for the regular illnesses. There we no such things as immunizing against illnesses such as polio, pertussis, measles, mumps, chickenpox and so forth. I would imagine many of these now "known" illnesses were not even named back at that time. they knew they were "contagious" because often entire towns became ill or even died from one of them, but back then they may not have known what it was that caused the illnesses themselves. We have come a very long way in our medical knowledge, yet there is still so much more we often do not know when it comes to things we are genetically predisposed to. 
I just read the article about one of the competing women for the title of Ms. USA will be undergoing a complete double mastectomy right after the pagent next week. She had watch breast cancer ravage her Mom, Grandmother and Aunt I believe the article said, so she is going to not take a chance with her life. She has decided to take this what many feel is a drastic step, but one that will more than likely save her life. This story is even more something to think about, because a portion of her life, is about her "body". Or up until now, being able to be seen in a bikini, and all kinds of beautiful clothing, evening dresses and so forth, is what has brought her this far to winning the Ms. USA pageant. So, what a tremendous decision to have to make, but often they win these pageants up until this point, and from here, they go onto college, and to make a life, "after pageant" life years. So, it makes total sense to me, but still it is a sad and very difficult thing to deal with at 24 years old, pageant Queen or not. I commend her for her decision. 
So, from "flu" to Lupus, to "Breast Cancer"... pageant Queen's and daily life... we dwell in all types of "happenings" and steps in our lives... I big you wellness for you and your family... praying you are not dealing with the flu.. My daughter called and my Grandson, only running fever yesterday, not yet showing real signs of feeling bad, but he does have the flu. So, the "symptoms" or lack thereof are vast for this one this year.

Take care of you... and each other... Rhia

Allowing the Weather To Rule Your Joints

Unless you have some type of issues with arthritis, joint injury, surgeries, replacements (yes, even totally replaced joints), you could not possibly comprehend what is meant by the title of this post. But, if you are between the ages of a year old (or at least where you are old enough to convey you are in pain) to over 100 years old, and have any type of arthritic illness, from osteoarthritis, to RA, gout, other illnesses such as Lupus, FM, CFS, and dozens of others, to have your joints hurt and ache so badly you could cry when the weather raises its ugly to head to roar, you just cannot fathom what it is like.

At this very moment, myself, and I am sure many more in my type of situation are suffering horribly with joint pains. From a mild ache, to almost a bone crushing stabbing pain, joints can leave you feeling horrid and not able to move at times. Weather changes, such as humidity (which for many is the worst), dramatic barometric changes. I do and try everything to get relief. I take loads of BC powders, well the maximum dosage I am allowed, to rubbing them, massaging, them, running hot water over them, rubbing different NSAID creams on me, taking extra strong pain medication that is also given to me by my physician for times such as these.

We, and as I really speak of me, do not want to feel like a whiner, or griper. But, the amount of pain chronic pain from joints can cause can reek havoc over a personal daily routine. I have always said I can tell the weather, especially when we have a drastic change ahead, like a thunderstorm, or very high humidity, I can, as well as just about anyone with joint issues will tell you what is going on with out even seeing the weather people on television. At times it may come on several days before we even have the new "cold" snap, or the depending on the barometric pressure changes, and especially rise in humidity brings on such severe pain and acutely. Like this past two days, I had been fine one moment, and within 15 minutes, I was hurting as if I did not have a pain pump, nor any medication what so ever in me. My body almost burned at every joint. You name it, especially the smaller joints, but even those that have had replacements, such as my knees will keep in me horrible pain. It comes on as I said above, 24 to 48 hours BEFORE the weather actually starts to change. Then by the time we are seeing the changes, I am usually in a world of hurt. Then it begins to level out as the weather levels out, even in a storm, as the pressures stabilize and the humidity, even high stays stabilize the pain leaves about as quickly as it came on. There are times I am left very tired, exhausted and fatigued in all ways, from mental to physical. I recover quickly, and within a day or so of the weather make itself even out, I feel "back to normal" whatever that is for me again. But, during those few days, it is sheer agony. Whether I sit, lay, stand, exercise or not, nothing will make a difference but Mother Nature herself putting things back in their normal order.

Not so long ago, doctors that "weather" and what people said about pain, aches in joints, doctors put off as a bunch of "bunk". I can recall telling my physicians years ago, as soon as the weather was going to have a very severe change, in pressure, humidity and so forth, I would hurt much more. Those are the times my migraines would be at their worst. Yet, up until the past 5 years or so, many doctors would "admit" it was "true" in many of their patients, the medical world did not recognize it as even being a symptom to assist in diagnosing some of these Rheumatic and Joint type of illnesses.

I never did get to complete this posting yesterday on Tuesday the 8th. I got some things done, such as I did get my kitchen curtains down, along with some other placements and so forth that needed to be laundered and did those things. I managed to literally force myself to "do something" and also rode my exercise bike for 40 minutes, so I would feel mentally like I had accomplished something the the day. Even though the intense pain, which does put me on my butt on the sofa also. Don't get me wrong, I do not claim to be some "super human" woman that can withstand it all, and keep right on ticking. I can also be one on the sofa for a few days, doing not much of anything but watching movies with the puppies. I try to avoid those times, and at least accomplish one or two tasks on my list. Emotionally it takes away some of the "guilty" feeling that just takes a bite out of my psyche, making me feel "less than" or worthless during those times I am "out of order" so to speak with a flare or whatever maybe causing some of the physically ailments that come on.

I am in the process of writing a blog posting about other illnesses, like Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, both know better as FM & CFS more than likely. Since I am not having a very good last two days, not being sure if I have contracted this bad flu going around, or if I am in the middle of a really bad flare from the Lupus, I will close this for now. I shall try and complete the post and get it up tomorrow. I realize many maybe here suffering from these illnesses alone or in combination with some of the AI illnesses. Since I also began this journey within all of my own plight of doctors, tests, medications, and symptoms at that time. they thought I had both or at least one of those also. Yet, now they see that my health issues are more than likely not related to FM/CE or CFS, but the Lupus and so forth. Yet, with so many that are going through the many tests, doctors, and trying all types of different therapies and medications to help them, I feel I need to include in my blog activity. More to come... take care and stay well. This flu situation is not sounding good at all... Rhia

Life & It's Unexpected Not So Great Start to a New Year

Well, I was SO hoping for a New Year Good start, yet we had not great news yesterday evening. My Mom's brother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away yesterday. OF course it was a huge shock to Mom, and with everything else over the past couple of weeks, I know this hit her pretty hard. Then being the 1st day of a brand New Year, I know she is feeling like me, we prayed for "good" things. Anyway, she is also one sister, the "baby", her brother was the oldest of the three. Her sister, my Aunt is not in good health at all. She has a rare type of stomach cancer, that is not operable, and has just about responded as much as it will to chemo etc. So of course, that makes this even worse. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers. Between the stress of it all, Mom's scare thinking she had heart problems two weeks ago, in which honestly she is still kind of worrying off and on, even though things appear to be fine, and then we are totally blanketed with the flu in our town. Even all three of our doctors and PA's were all ill and the entire office all out last week with the flu. Some of them still are not over it all, thus as I said it is just not a great time to have to be out in the very cold weather and then exposed to the flu. None of us, and me with the compromised autoimmune issues, really don't need to take the chance either. But, I have to be with Mom and help her through this, plus my cousins and I were very, very close our entire childhood. So, this hits me hard also. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next days to come as we deal with yet another one of life's unexpected trauma's. thank so much my dear friends and family, Rhia

UPDATE 1/4/2013

It does not sound well with my Mom's "baby" sister either. I spoke to another cousin last night who is very good friends with my Aunt. The cancer is not good at all from what she told me. My Aunt and her had talked at Christmas time, and basically my aunt told her she was "ready to go". Undoubtedly, the "stomach" cancer has metastasized and must be spreading over her body from the information I got. She must not be very well, because she did not come for the Rosary last night. They are going to try and come for the Funeral this morning at 10 am. Last night was certainly not easy. This is the first time I have seen any of my 1st cousins in well over 10 years at least. I know I had not seen them since I returned from Seattle to TX 7 years ago. In fact, My other Aunt, which would be this Uncle's Wife, passed away almost to the date of my coming back. She also died of a long battle with colon cancer. This would be my Mom's Brother's Wife who just passed away, so Mom's Sister in Law. She passed away about 10 days before I could get back, which was the 10th of December 2005. So, that was difficult to talk about also with my cousins. As I said it was bittersweet. I was so happy to get to see them. My oldest cousin and I were "running buddies" until high school. We did everything together! We were always at each others homes, or going somewhere together. Then we kind of just went through a phase in High School, and drifted apart. She was an athlete, and went to the Catholic school, and of course I was just in the regular High School here. Between my getting engaged and married so young, and then she also got married a couple of years after I did, etc, and she has 5 children! Twin boys and 3 girls! OF course they are all grown like mine now, which seems so impossible. Then other 2 brothers were just about 3 to 5 or 6 years or so younger than us, so we used to bug the heck out of the both of them! LOL! We would get them to play dress up, and then they had us playing some "war" game outside etc. I can remember very well those times as all of us as kids. Then they have the "youngest" sister that was born after we were up almost in high school. As I said, it was a bittersweet meet, and was certainly not the way family should have to see one another after that many years. We vowed we would not wait again until some tragic happens. But, all of us understand that lives our so busy, too busy, as my cousins Aunt on her Mom's side said as we were leaving. When we were kids, and back in the 70's and even the 80's, life seemed so much less"complicated". We seemed to have time to have a holiday dinner or a family get together, and not have it be years between or a funeral that brought us together. Our worlds are "TOO full"!!! We have too much to do when it is so much that it keeps us away from our closest family members. These are my Mom's siblings, and their children, so they are very close. Plus this is the last of my Mom's family. Her and my Aunt who is so ill with the cancer, and me are really all of the family Mom has that are close. So, if something happens to my Mom's sister, Lord knows how she is going to take it. She did "okay" last night, but as people came and gave their condolences, Mom kept saying "my family is almost all gone". So, today at the funeral also is going to possibly be a very difficult time if my Aunt is going to look like she is not doing very well. She had also made the comment that she was really not eating at all but just drinking Ensure, and I gather they are possibly now giving her strong pain medications, but I just kind of gathered that from the conversation. I will know more if she is even able and well enough to make the funeral today. Yesterday, was just a nightmare in a hundred ways for me. It was enough that I had the funeral and Mom, but I also had lots of my "own" stuff I needed to do that was important, such as it was "bill day" for me. Plus of course I had some other paperwork that needed to be taken care of, and even trying to get things ready to pay my own taxes on the house etc, and I have to take care of getting Mom's paid for where they need to be done. Then Mom left it up to me, so rather than send flowers, we donated in my Uncle's Memory to the Arthritis Foundation. He had "gout" along with probably osteoarthritis, but it was so bad he was almost not able to walk and needed knee replacements I think. He just was not going to go through that. As my Cousin said, and she was talking about her Mom, that My Aunt "called him home". Which is probably true. Him, my Dad, My Grandfather, Dad's brothers, and many friends are now "fishing, talking about deer hunting" and having a party in heaven about now. They are all together. Honestly, the was this world is and where it is headed I almost "envy" them. They are "out" of this world of hatred, disdain, hard hearts, greed, and all of the terrible ways that things are happening here now. They are in a peaceful place, that none of this worldly mess matters. For that I do envy them. So, I made the donation and done the paperwork for that. Also, I am not that well, but I am keeping my mouth shut. Every one of my fingers from deep in the nail beds down the middle of now at least 6 of the are split open and bleeding, along with the cuticles also. Plus I am of course emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. We do not even have our tree down yet and the rest of our Xmas decor put away, so I have that hanging over my head. I have so much to play "catch up" on, from doing all of the "deep" house cleaning I had planned to other paperwork, and their are upcoming doctor visits, and you name it, it is on my shoulders right now. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad III CAN help my Mom get through all of this, but in all of that, what I have really gotten a very good look at is my own Mom and her frailness. Which really took a toll on me also. I have just seen it mentally,because of how much she is not remembering, and then some things she says I am really not sure is true. Then, just the way she is walking, more "feeble" each day, etc. So I just see that she is also even though in good health right now, is aging what seems like faster now. I guess because I am with her all the time, I see it but it really does not hit me until, I kind of get an more objective look from something like this happening. Then I can comprehend the ways thing are. Anyway, today is the funeral, and there is a family meal at my cousins church afterwards. So this will be another "early" starting day, and a long one by the time everything is over, and I get Mom home and myself home. Please continue your thoughts and prayers. I realized more than ever last night all of us truly are in need of it. I am so appreciative of all here....  

Continued early Saturday Morning 1/5/2013

We survived the funeral. That was the 1st time I had been in the Catholic Church in many years. Honestly, since I went with my Grand parents and also my Uncle, Aunt and 4 cousins when we were all young, it brought back lots of memories of my Uncle who passed away, and his wife, My Aunt, who also passed away just after my Dad in 2005. The Mass was beautiful, and there were lots of family members there. The weather was very cold here and in fact, sleet fell a little yesterday morning early. But, it cleared and the sun came out a little bit in the early afternoon. One of the 4 cousins and his wife belong to one of the local Methodist Churches and that church had a wonderful lunch for the family after the interment at the cemetery. Mom was not really feeling like going to the cemetery. So, we came home for about an hour, and then went back for the lunch. Thank Goodness my other Aunt, that I have talked about, my Mom's youngest sister, that has the stomach cancer, her husband, and my cousin of that family, and her husband came along with them from the Mesquite area. I was so happy to get to see them. We were not for sure my Aunt would even physically be able to make it. So, when we saw them coming into church, all of us we very blessed to know she at least was able to come down for the funeral. She felt well enough to come also for lunch, although bless her heart, it is honestly not good. She is very, very frail. She was also very "shaky", and you could tell the medication they are giving her is really making her extremely weak. I also noticed she had something going on and it could also be medication related (she is taking a very high powered chemo pill that costs something like 600.00 A DAY!!) she frequently kind of either blinks or almost squints her eyes all the time. At first I wondered if she may have had a slight stroke, but after talking with her I feel it is just the extremely strong medications causing that side effect. After getting to see them, it was a very mixed blessing for me. As I sit here now, and tears stream down my face, I realize that we may not see her alive again. Even Mom said that as we took her home yesterday. That is Mom's only sibling left, and with that said, Mom, I can tell has got that weighing heavily on her heart and mind. Even the entire funeral and luncheon was such a mixed emotional ordeal. For the most of us, we have not seen one another in years, even though we all live in the same small town. We talked seriously about how that is just a shame, that it takes something so tragic to get us in the same room together, when we live a couple of miles from each other. We vowed to not allow this to happen again, and to keep in touch, and try to get together or at least those of us that can as often as possible. But, I know that if I, or one of us do not make a vow to make that happen, by initiating it, we won't. Words at that time in life are always said with good intention in mind. But, then we get "busy".... too damned busy in "life", and we make excuses about that mess of being busy, and the next thing you know, we will be at yet another funeral saying the same thing. I made a promise to myself, that I would initiate us trying to get together. Even if it is just a few of us that can, but every few months at least now I can call some of my cousins, and see if they want to try and have a lunch or just visit for a couple of hours and have coffee. Anything not to lose contact for so many years, due to the silly excuse of being too busy. Their kids are grown, mine are grown, and even though there are jobs etc... "stuff" is NOT as important as FAMILY! It hurts me to think we have allowed "crap" to keep us apart until my own Uncle passes away suddenly. I am to blame also. I realize my illness keeps me down, or at doctors, or in the hospital... yeah, yeah, but still I can MAKE TIME to at least make a phone call, or get an email address etc... We tend to do "lip service" at these times in life, saying we will, and we have very good intentions at those moments. But, when we leave from that moment, all too often, either it it forgotten, or once again, we get wound into the web of "life" and tangled into lots of "things" and stuff that is not nearly as important as we think it is. I am "preaching to the choir" here as the saying goes. I am just as guilty of this as anyone. But, this will be on my "updated" 2013, things I want to do differently in 2013 and beyond. I pray I will think it through, and make sure I at least make an attempt to check on my cousins, etc. from time to time, if nothing but at least a phone call. Maybe that phone call can assert all of us to do more.. see each other, or then call more often. We never realize just how very short life it, until we get to this point. We begin to lose family members, we see how much older we are, and how time has flown by and we have just missed out in one another's lives. It is a crying shame, that some of my cousins children I had never met. It just should not be that way at all. It is not like we were upset or mad at one another. We just have been wrapped up in the freaking madness of life's crap, and one day you wake up and realize just how much of what if REALLY IMPORTANT IN LIFE you have totally MISSED!!!! It is the same with my own kids and my Grand Kids. I miss out on so much of their lives. I realize for that situation we do have 7 plus hours different between us, but still I do not want that to be the excuse that keeps us apart until we have a tragedy hit. I cab sit here and say well, it is hard for us to travel down to the coast to see them. I can use the excuse they are so busy I don't want to interrupt their lives. I can use the excuse that my illnesses keep me close to home for the most part. I can use the excuse that my "ex" is down there, thus honestly I stay away because of him living down there.. yet I already have missed out on 3 years, 7 years, and about 12 years of my Grand Kids' lives. I see them a couple of times a year, and the two youngest ones do not really "know" who I am when they see me. Of course they know I am "Nana", BUT they are not close to me, they are not able to hug me and know daily or weekly, or hell even monthly that I am their Grand Mom. IT sucks. It truly sucks, and I am as much to blame as anyone. Lots of things that go into our lives, that we use for excuses, that we don't ponder enough over, that we lose sight of, and track of, lots of TOO MUCH WATER flowing underneath the bridges of our lives, all the while "time" is ticking, ticking, ticking away. With each "tick" another moment in life has passed us by. That is just one more minute, one more breath of life taken, one more thought gone, all leading down the hill, or up, however you want to call it... to that place that we shall be here no more but dwell with our Father in our true home. So, we then leave our "family" here behind to grieve, as we cross over into the land of perfect peace, with no pain, no suffering, and back into the arms of all the family we have "lost" before us. They are never lost, just briefly not in our humanly lives. As I close this for now, and I realize I have "said" a great deal this morning, for their is a very large amount that I am feeling, from the emotional, mental, physically, and feeling realms of my own humanness. If YOU take a message and walk away with it from this, I pray it is NOT to allow LIFE to get in the way, of LIVING what is the MOST IMPORTANT to you. With my honor, and as always love to you, Hugs, Rhia

 (after this post)
 I had also posted the words to a Crosby and Nash song they wrote and sang in the early 80's "Let the Waters Come and Carry Us Away"... "so much time to make up everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, so much water moving, underneath the bridge, Let the waters come and carry us away.... I love the couple of stanza's ..."OH, when you were young, did you question all the answers, did you envy all the dancers, who had all the nerve, Look round you now, you must go for what you wanted, Look at all my friends who did and got what they deserved..."

"Purging" The Outdated & Sewing The Seeds of the Vigorously Sprightly

A great deal of nostalgia here this morning, and I am sure it will be that way throughout the next two days. We are all in reflection of what 2012 was and certainly was not for so many. From Mother Nature's Wrath that left more than one path of destruction, and death, to the "inhumane" realms of what those who are supposed to be humans have done in our nation, and all over this vast world, 2012 has been a year pocked with marks that shall remain scars for many of our lives. The toll that this hurricanes, tornado's, floods, and droughts have left behind is one of the record books. 
It seems like each day of this past year has been a night mare when it comes to what can happen when our weather gets "distraught." It seems that as humans we "blame" the weather, yet all too often we can't open our own eyes to see that our levels of pollution in the air, water, and in the very soil we are supposed to get precious food to sustain life has been corrupted with chemicals, trash that will take millions of years if ever to dissolve, and we are in a constant place of breathing car exhausts, poisons, and all of the garbage we pour into the air. Then our water is many places is not fit to drink. Here we are one of the greatest nations in the world, yet rather than have cleaner drinking water, it gets more filthy, with poisons, pollutants, even prescription medications that are poured into it, that show up in our cells. Even though we don't want to admit the way we constantly fill our lands with more concrete, more buildings, more cars, and leave less and less of the land to provide us all of the "building blocks" we need, we continue to build and cover over record numbers of forests and land so we can have a house like the "Jones'" as the saying goes. 
Then there is the extreme amount of devastation filling this country with every heart beat in the realms of our financial, fiscal, and governmental down falls. Our very own people, those that we voted in, pay, and put their to do as we wish to help us, are the very ones sitting like a bunch of fat cats on Capitol Hill playing mind games, and games with our money, our investments, homes, and our future. They could care less about what "the people want". They want to make the rich, get more rich, while the every day common middle class that keep this country going will be cut off from all assistance that we need, from additional unemployment benefits, to tax hikes that will send us further into the "poor house". Why should they care, since they are "sitting pretty" for the rest of their lives, and I am sure the lives of their families, in whom that have made sure will be taken care of even though I feel we head into a the Greatest Depression we shall ever see in our lives here. People have become complacent, uncaring, scary, down right mean, and just plain insane. We see it and hear it everyday in our news, in our magazines and in the headlines of even our own local newspaper. 
The amount of severe crimes, break in's, even murders are increasing daily, and the more violent they are each time they happen. Oddly enough, we can recall the bad things, the mess of an election that held enough funds between both parties to almost balance this substantially over bloated non-budget of ours, yet the bad stuff just keeps on coming, while the wicked of this land, just continue to get more wicked by the day. My question to all is when we are going to truly get a gut full of this abuse of the people, our salaries, jobs, homes and lives to rally up and tell them NO MORE! When will our eyes finally be filled with the disgust we feel inside, and come out all together to forever make a positive change in just how things in our government go that only put us in more debt, use up more public funds to do foolish projects, or things that never really succeed and are there to "cover up" the greed of those who are the most greedy. We such don't mind griping, whining and fussing about it, but we are almost "too civilized" of a nation! We FEAR standing up for our rights! We fear the "big men" on that hill! We FEAR we may cause "problems", or conflict or someone may not like us as much if we open our mouths and give our own testimony to the wickedness of our nation and the world. You can darned sure bet that the "Big Man" upstairs is definitely taking count. He is "seeing" all things, so many bad these days, and when the final horns sound, and the final battle begins, the tally will not be forgotten of those who have harmed their own brothers, murdered their own sons and daughters, reeked havoc in the peaceful nations, and caused nothing but death, devastation, and destruction.  At that time there will be NO Senator, No Governor, No "Republican" or "Democrat", no thief in the night that steals peoples very souls to help at that moment. those trumpets shall mean only one thing, that the very last battle is here, and those of us who have stayed in the realms of faith, hope, and goodness shall reign in our own proper House in Heaven. I am no "prophet", never claimed to be. I am no "Saint", honestly I do not think a human is capable of being a "Saint", but I know what I see all around daily, and I know what the "Good Book" Says. 
We may not be able to predict the time, the day and the moment, but if we only open our eyes, we can see the "signs" of the time of the end all around us. I will not go into the further parts of what I feel about that subject, because I don't often talk about politics or religion even those that sounds like a cliche'. Everyone has their own very intimate, very personal beliefs in those two subjects, so I don't discuss either of them very often. I would rather give others the room they need to feel and express their own feelings about religion and politics. But after the horrid year we have had I just felt I could not hold my own tongue anymore, even about some pieces of my religious and political parts of how I believe. It just exactly what I said earlier in this, it is more than time, it is past time, that we, as a people, stand up for our beliefs, and we "cut out" the frivolous, excess and bloat that has been in our essence of what we refer to as our governmental bodies of town, state, and nation, and put us as the people back in charge of those things. I am NOT talking about some kind of "over turn" bull or anarchy. So, I don't want some idiot thinking I have "lost it". What I do mean though is we have become so extremely complacent, uncaring, and in fear, we have left behind our voices. We have ran away from the things as a body of people we can do to make our nation and our world a better place. 
So, I am not talking about tearing down a "wall" literally, or not being peaceful (Lord knows we need PEACEFUL SO BADLY IT HURTS), but in a "symbolistic" way instead. We need to be open to what is really wrong, not be in fear of making changes, where they need to be made. This crap about not "crossing party lines" is ridiculous! I never quite understood why anyone felt they needed to stand with "one side" or the other, when it comes to a "term", a word like Democratic or Republican? IF a "person" can do the job and do it well to their ability for us, as the people, it does NOT matter what kind of "term" or "label" they put on their backs! Or may I say it does not to me! Their are good entities on both sides of what we want to call "party lines" (which used to be a phone line that more than one person could talk on and they shared in the country when the phone lines were far and few between)... and some silly label does not change the fact (unless they allow it to) how they can govern a body of people. Whether the town mayor, or the US President, who they are within, their character, their very essence of morality, decency, capability, demeanor, dignity, education, and many more descriptive terms are what gives them the "things" that make up what makes a good "Leader". So, for 2013, we need to rid our lives, and purge out all of the stuff that does not "lead" us in the right ways. Maybe not just "leaders" as far as people, but what things "lead" us daily from the inside and outside. We need to finally stand up for the right, and serenade the good, and we need to stand down and not accept what is the wrong, whether they or it seems to be "power", often that power needs to be turned the hell off, and allow new lines to be drawn and new types of "electrical parties" be put in place to bring in what is right. I look back and 2012 as a time of "learning"... learning what sitting around and doing nothing gets you... as my own saying goes  "Do nothing and NOTHING gets done!" 
Thus, sitting on our laurels, and allowing things to happen that we know are wrong, and keeping fear in our hearts to make it right, is showing a weakness... not showing the honor and faith in how we truly believe in what is the right path. We owe our kids, and their kids, and those to come an explanation for how we have "done nothing".,. out of fear, disdain, complacency, out of those things we all too often put first, and that just keep us from facing the hard cold truth, that is it time to stand up and change those things that are wrong. Whether it is a law or not, whether it needs to be a law or not, whether it needs to be changes in leadership, changes in how business is done, changes in the ways go in our schools, public areas, and take away and rid ourselves of what is so wrong, to provide a safe haven of a country for all that is so right. We wait around and "rally" when there is a tragedy! Why is that??? Why do we have to wait until the unthinkable has happened before we get the heck up and say we are not going to stand for the same old thing anymore... our lives from education, to our health program, to insurance companies, banking, corporate business, tax codes, and governments need a change of the guards so to speak. 
After allowing stuff to remain "rotten" for too many years the stench is finally waking some of us up, but it sure has taken a long time to do so!!! We can no longer sit around like old "brackish appendages" knitting sweaters and drinking tea while everything goes to hell in a hand basket. The time of dormancy and hibernation needs to be kicked in the butt, and allow the "butterflies" of our world to prosper. I know for me, those lines above are very personal. I have been one of those "sitting on my hands" not opening my mouth, allowing the ruling of my own life to be done all too often by what society deems, "right". Even in my illness, rather than "fight" like hell against all that is wrong, I became so "docile" allowing doctors and the medical field to become almost dictatorial over my body, that I forgot I do have a mind that I can use to decide what 
I feel is "right or wrong" for me. That very example of being so overtly stagnant, is what also is wrong with many things that go on in our world. We allow it! We turn our heads so as to not face the facts. It is easier to walk by and simply not act at all, than to put yourself out there and do something about what you feel is not correct. If the ONLY thing you feel you can do it "write" an email or letter to whomever it is you feel needs to do something differently, that is far better than bitching about it, and then not doing a darned thing to help overhaul that maligned issue. IF you got nothing out of a word I have said in all of this, think about trying to dig out the old bulbs in your life of ambiguity, and sew sprightly seeds of everything vigorous and unspoiled in your garden of life for all the world to see.  With my Sincere Believe that We can Make this World a Better Place... Love to All, Rhia

The Days Ahead After All of the Good Cheer...

Well, here we are! For most of us, the gifts are opened, the food is "partially" eaten, we have loads of goodies and sweets left that we know we do not need to eat' but just can't resist! The tree is looking rather "bare" with no gifts under it, and the stockings are just a bit down and out. Alas they are empty of all of their fruit, nuts, candy canes and small surprises.
Family is still visiting for some. For others, they are preparing for their trips home. Whether flying, driving, or otherwise, much of the country is not really a great place to be traveling in. for some of us we had somewhat of a "white" Christmas. Even here in our town about 30 miles South of Dallas, we had some snowflakes yesterday afternoon. Of course nothing that was going o stick, but it was enough to give you that special kind of feeling that we did also have a bit of a snowy holiday!
The kids are about to drive you nuts with all of their new toys, or wanting to go outside in the cold and play. Or, they are now "bored" and are looking for something to do. Give them a couple of boxes and tell them to make them a "fort" or a "house", or something creative and constructive to keep them busy for the next few days. For most, school will be out until after the New Year holiday.
Some of us are now planning our party for New Year's Eve. For some, that means another house full of family and friends, probably more on the all adult side, with drinks, music, party hats, and "auld lang syne." Others are planning to go out on the town and live it up in their sequined gowns, and formal attire. Others are preparing for a quiet evening, watching the ball from New York drop as it always does at Time Square, wishing everyone Happy 2013 and off to bed at 5 minutes after midnight... (sounds like us IF we CAN make it to MIDNIGHT)!
Hopefully those that don't hold their liquor well, or don't know when to stop, will drop their car keys off at the door, and spend the night or call a taxi, if they have had a couple of drinks.  There will be some with fire works going off, which in much of the nation is dangerous due to so many states in a drought situation. We certainly don't want anyone beginning the New Year with a burned down home from firecrackers thus I hope those are maintained by the professional people at shows on that level.
Many of us are back off to work today. We are wondering how the holiday, that took SO long to get ready for, is now over, done, and all that is left is the mess, left over food, and kind of an almost "empty" feeling inside. So many spend months before preparing for these holidays, and once they arrive, they are here and gone before we can blink an eye, thus we wonder even why we go through all of the effort. But, it means at least one day of family, friends, happiness, hope and faith. So, for that all of that planning and preparation, no matter how quickly it seems to fly by, was worth that effort.
Many of us are preparing our "New Years 2012 New Years Resolutions". It seems to b a huge tradition in this country. I am not sure where it came from, but before I continue I think I will look it up to see, so I can explain. It seems that this tradition of making Resolutions has been going on even back into the Medieval Times, when Knights would "renew" their commitment to their honor of  "chivalry" in a "peacock vow" each Christmas. Other types of Resolutions actually come from some "religious" beliefs, from "Lent" to Christian vows of doing better or being a creed of "self-improvement." So, our traditions of these New Years Resolutions have been going on for the ages, that people see the "New Year" as a fresh start, a time of reflection to be a better person, or do something a better way. From statistics it appears about 52% make of those who make these "good faith" Resolutions annually (in a study in 2007 of 3000 people), and about 88% actually fail at them.  It seems the more  "specific" the "goal" the much more difficult it is to keep for those who make them. OF course that makes total sense. We usually begin the New Year with lots of hope, faith, good will, and in the realms that things will be so much better this bright and shiny starting fresh. Yet, as we go along, things happen, we lose tract of or sight of, those things that we were so positive about that first part of the New Year. But, don't dismay, many of us keep a few of our resolutions! So, you can always be in that 22% that do!
I was reflecting back just a day ago on my own for "2012". I discovered that I did keep several of mine, although not all of them, keeping about 50% of those I made felt like an accomplishment. With hope that I maybe able to keep 70% or more this brand new up and coming 2013!
So, in a few days we will be "ringing" in 2012 with music, champagne, horns, singing, and for many another tradition of eating black-eyed peas for good luck in the new year. I gather that must be more of a "Southern" tradition. When I lived in Seattle most people there had never even heard of it, and you did not find black-eyed peas up there, even in a can very much. So, even in different part of our nation, we tend to have different little "quirks" we do to celebrate.
Of course, with all of the "goodness" and cheer for January, comes all of the worrisome tasks of, paying home and land taxes, for many paying house and car insurance, or like us our car registration also comes due about this time. Then now, depending on what happens with this "fiscal" not just a cliff but a "mountain" we may fall off of, if Congress does not get their butts together, some are concerned about their "tax" refunds that they may not get. Those that really depend  on those "refund checks" may watch them melt away if all of what has been in the past like the "Bush era" tax cuts happen to come to a quick halt. My person feeling on this is that they (Congress) WILL finally come to a decision. IT will probably happen at the very last hour, so they can keep everyone sitting on sharp tax "literally" and biting their nails! But, I have a very good feeling many of them sitting like "fat cats" up their and looking for their re-election in a couple of years, will be acting in order to gain the voters attention. IF they don't there will many that will be "retiring" from their Federal post in Congress for sure. I think Americans as a whole are more than FED UP! WE are sick and tired of the political fall out we get over their stupid  Congressional games! After all WE elect them, WE pay THEIR SALARIES, and then they DO AS THEY WANT!  I feel that the majority of us have had more than we are willing to take of that any longer.
So, in 10 days or so, kids will be back in school, trees and decorations put away for another year, celebrations and parties over with, and the cold of Winter finally settling in many of our parts of the country. We will be back to our routines, jobs, homes, cleaning, cooking, losing that "holiday poundage" we put in from too much of Granny's fruitcake, and settling down to make the New Year all it can be.
For now, it seems kind of sad for me. Even though I am also looking forward to keeping many of my own "resolutions", and have lots of work ahead of me, I feel like mine will be put between all of the other 1,001 things it seems like there always is to do. New Years' never mean "reprieve" from the other things, like laundry, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, and running errands. Resolutions and New Years' come in, but they don't stop illness, emergencies, and all of the ways we get "detained" for one reason or the other. I know my list is quite long, and quite full of many things as far as my 2013 Resolutions. I want to try and "make up", play a catch up game from the several previous years of illness, surgeries, sickness, and those things that truly did detain me from "living" my life on a semi-some kind of normal time frame. I catch myself putting "finishing my 2nd Poetry book and getting it published" in 6 months, as well as having my "book-book" as I still call it (I do have what I believe it a name now for it but have not revealed it yet) by the end of the year. It won't b publication ready I don't think but I would like to have it close to the place of publication for the beginning of 2014. Just those two alone are tall orders. Then I have the usual lose some weight, exercise a little more, eat a little healthier, etc. I also have others like practice my drums several times a week, along with the keyboard and be writing lyrics and singing again. I also would love to start sewing again and make another quilt, this one for our bed, which is queen sized. So, in between hopefully any of my doctors visits, which I hope and pray will be few and far between for 2013, and NO SURGERIES!, few tests I pray (I realize I may already have to go through a couple of minor tests), and I so pray that the Lord will show me the way to keep the Lupus, RA, pain, and other chronic illnesses in check enough that my time is much more about the things I WANT TO DO, and NOT ILLNESS! Those are my "main" goals, resolutions, or whatever you may call them in your neck of the woods.
Well, as you can see, by this post, I certainly have NOT made a resolution to "cut-down" my post and their sizes....:) With much respect, honor, and truly a Hope for Peace and Great Health for All, Rhia  Happy Up and Coming 2013!

Holiday Happiness, Peace and Good Will

Well, after much preparation, fuss and muss, the "big" day finally arrives! The kids are waking parents up at way before the break of dawn (the only day of the year), parents are drinking extra coffee, while Mom's are putting in the turkeys, hams, and getting all of the trimmings ready. Many attended midnight mass last night, which everywhere I read turned out beautiful. We actually got all of the baked home made "goodies" together (fruit cake, cut out sugar cookies, pumpkin roll filled with cream cheese, surprise cookies with a chocolate kiss in the middle, and little brownie bites all together, and wrapped up for our 5 close neighbors. We got those all our yesterday evening, and as we went to our "favorite" elderly neighbors home, we walked in to almost a "dream world". Even at her age, (I am guessing 85 plus) she has something like 70 plus with siblings, nieces, nephews, and then of course "grand" nieces, nephews and more, that she cooks for each year, decorate her home like a Christmas wonderland, & I think buys a gift for all of them! We got to see one huge "Czech" feast for sure. One of her nieces was helping her gather mounds of all kinds of food together (I wished I had pictures) for the entire bunch for last night. :) She is just an inspiration and I pray that she is around for a very long while. We are truly blessed by all of our neighbors, but her especially. I can hope that at her age, I am able to do even half of what she does. From there we came home to rest after much of our own hustle and bustle from getting all of that wrapped and ready, then delivered to watch a Christmas Movie (gosh I am addicted:) Every chance I get I have an entire lot recorded from Lifetime and I must watch a little when I ride my exerciser etc). But, we were ready for bed pretty early, and hit the sack a little after 9 pm. I had not slept (but that is not abnormal) night before, and even then by 2 am I was up this morning watching to see where "Santa" was for my two puppies :), and seeing what the weather would do here for today. We are preparing not a huge feast but saving our for New Years Day instead. But I am fixing a roast with all of the fresh veggies, celery, carrots, onion, parsley, potatoes, sweet potatoes in it, and then we found some "Hopefully" fresh green beans that are good. We will make some fresh home made rolls, and then we have some of the goodies left from my baking ordeal for the neighbors. Then later in the day, we will go to visit my Mom, take her a plate of food, and spend the afternoon with her. Jim is "climbing the walls" to open gifts so I will close for now, and add more later. :):) The weather is terrible here right now, with a huge lightening storm going on and rain. So the weather may not be wonderful here, but let it snow!:) With my hopes for all for peace, good cheer, many blessings, and love.... may 2012 bring a blanket of peace over our nation and world! Hugs, xxoxo Rhia

The Running of the Holidays & Catching Up in 2013!

Well here we are! Life seems to be just running, flying, cruising, moving, sailing, & all of the other words we could use to just it is going by too quickly!!! Just about the time we get our decorations put up from the previous Xmas, and get our "figures" back in shape from all of the great food, we look up and here is another Christmas at our door step. This year has been a very mixed blessing year for my family. I had a much "better" year somewhat I guess you can say. I only had 1 major surgery this year, my 4 level cervical neck procedure. I went through the minor issue of the biopsy on my temporal artery, but so far I am still having double vision issues, thus the "hunt" for what the heck is causing it will go on in 2013. Until then I just able able to see "double"! Which is a good thing, depending on what the hell I am looking at! LOL!!!! It seems that with medications, treatments, follow ups with the doctors, and all of the things I do to try and keep the RA, Lupus, and Chronic Pain in check have worked fairly well this year. I have of course still had come pain issues, and still had a few flares, but for the most part, when my neck began to show a huge difference in the shoulder pain, I knew I was going to be feeling more human when it healed more. So far, so good. I pray all of those holds out, and that nothing else decides to give way, break, wear out, etc. :) Same with the family, for the most part. After the scare here with Mom, this past week, and her heart, then it turning out to be as far as the doctors can tell, all is well from the tests they ran. So we are grateful that it appears her heart is fine. She is already doing much better with the Lasix. As soon as it began to remove the excess fluid she has in her mid-section she is already breathing better, and the shortness of breath seems to be gone. She was up and at the market by herself yesterday morning, so she is doing much better. :) So, that is the very best Christmas present we could have. For her to check out at 77 years old, and have a clean bill of health as far as her heart goes was wonderful news for us. I was a tad bit on the concerned side just due to her age, her high blood pressure (even through medication controlled) and she is on high cholesterol medication also. Other than that her had quit smoking probably 30 years ago, and other than that she is not huge on being an exerciser. All in all, bless her heart, she is in better physical shape than I am. I was also a factor in putting her into the hospital for the blood work checks on her heart. Due to my two Mi's at such a young age, they took that into consideration also, is what our family doctor told us. Of course the biggest thing I guess for myself, as well as Jim was me publishing my very 1st book! I am now officially a "published author"! that was a huge event for me, and my plans and (resolutions for 2013) or part of those are to have a 2nd poetry book published by Spring or early Summer, as well as have a great deal of my "book", "book:" as I call it completed. so, I plan on being one busy lady beginning in 2013! LOL!!! Like I am not busy already. It seems there is never quite enough time in my day to finish everything I want to finish, or honestly I run out of "steam" before I am finished. I also plan on getting back into the music part of my somewhat artistic nature. I have already been on my drums some, and also on the keyboard. Right now, and once again our "music/extra room" is filled with the boxes from lights, tree etc, and you can't even barely get around to the instruments. But, once all of that is put away after New Year's, I plan on doing some writing, singing, drumming and keyboard playing. I also want to get back into working on sewing quilts. I really enjoyed that before my shoulder decided to completely quit on me. Since my neck surgery seems to have for the most part fixed the pain issue in my arm, neck and shoulder, I am hoping to be able to do all of these things. I certainly can sit and type again a great deal more than before the surgeries. I am much more able to be online and on the computer than I had been in years. So, between all of my "artistic endeavors" as well as the usual cleaning, cooking, house keeping, errands, doctors visits, stuff for Mom and so forth, I plan to have an extremely busy 2013! I just pray that my hope grows, and my faith stays alive, and my body and mind give me the opportunity to do all of those things. I had even mentioned to Jim I may get back into SOME of the web design stuff again. I am not sure if I had mentioned it any here, but I did web design for a couple of years when we first met. After I was getting so ill I was having to make a decision to quit a job outside of the house, plus I had always been intrigued with web design and how it all went together, Jim was the first person that really took me seriously about that. I had a book but no one had really sat down with me to help explain the basics of it all. So, honestly Jim did "throw the HTML 10 thick" book at me one afternoon in Seattle, and said here you go, everything you need is in this book. Then you can start asking questions once you have gotten clued in from it. Well, I had already been observing his coding of sites. He works more on the "back end" of sites, to make shopping carts work, data bases, and those types of things. Where I wanted to actually design the sites themselves. In a few days I was putting together some "simple" very basic items that went into a web site, and was showing signs of having the ability to grasp the idea. He then jumped in to give me more help so I could learn the right way, and not get engrossed in some of the wrong tactics, and within a few months, I was working on my own web site, and then designed several sites for people in the business realms of Seattle. In fact two sites I did all myself are still all up and running, just as the day I completed them. That has been about 9 years ago or so. I go to them every once in a while to see what they look like, and there they are just like they were the day I said they were completed! So, I had to quit much of that when we got to TX. I became so ill with so much pain, and then I began going through all of the surgeries, doctors, tests and so forth, and also the Lupus mess reared its ugly head. So, my design and development web status got put on the back burner for awhile. I even got pretty good at SEO work and did lots of optimization for Search Engines for our clients. But, that has also changed so much, that things are not at all as they were. It has almost became an entire "schooling" of working knowledge as to how to really optimize a web site to keep it high in rankings, and up in search engines such as Google and so forth. I have considered since HTML 5 is now coming out, and now CSS 3 is huge. There are so many changes, that things like graphics, etc. are going to be a thing of the past, and much of what a did as a literal graphic in Photoshop, will be replaced by "coding" through style sheets. Lots of changes in a very short time, so I would probably have to go back to "square one" if I really wanted to learn. Anyway, that maybe another thing I put on my plate. Jim is thinking about taking the development business into a new direction this year, and begin "designing" again. Since all of the changes with web sites when it comes to phones, I-Pads, Kindles', smart phones, and so many more devices are coming out, keeping up with the latest in those types of design entities are important. So, as he has been redoing our own website, and I have been more of the "consultant" this time, rather than doing the hands on designing myself with all of the economic issues, and our changing of what is happening in our world, we may have to seriously take the business into a new direction just to survive. Interestingly, enough design had kind of fallen by the way side a few years back, when the "cookie cutter" sites came out, and now with all of the latest in HTML 5 and CSS 3, now design for these new electronic devices is going to be critical for those with online businesses. So, here we are once again, with an ever changing world, that tends to take us on adventures at times we may have never dreamed of just a few years ago. It would be interesting to be a "fly on the wall" in 100 years or more from now to see just how much we advance from here. I can imagine that even in 50 years, things are going to be extremely different. I shall close my long winded post for now, and wish everyone an incredibly wondrous Christmas Day tomorrow!!! May the peace of family and friends, and love surround each of you, and bring you much joy for the day! May we all find 2013 to be a better year in so many ways, and may our world also find in its heart to become peaceful, and lead the way to a divine place of respect for one another. If you can't do anything else tomorrow due to illness or so forth, at least tell those you love if possible how much you do love and miss them... for we truly never know what tomorrow brings... Merry Christmas Rhia

Life's Waters As They Often Flow -- Where We Never Know

I must apologize for I have been out of pocket, so to speak over the past 48 hours or so. We had kind of a family emergency come up unexpectedly as "emergencies" usually do. It really sent me reeling, since I myself, have been in quite the "tizzy" with baking, cooking, cleaning, and all of the holiday last minute things that we always have this time of year. Even though we do not think we will actually be at the house for the holiday (depending on the weather) we still do Xmas baking for a few neighbors, have a tree, the lights, and so forth. So, my schedule suddenly got put aside for a situation with My Mom. I had been there on Wednesday to visit, and she seemed to be fine. In fact she did not even say anything about not feeling well. So, after a several hour visit I came home to begin on completely more of my last minute baking. Thursday morning I was making my 4th Pumpkin Roll, and I had been having "issues" with 2 of them "splitting" so I was kind of frustrated with that, the phone rings and it is fairly early. Of course I always get a call when I am smack dab in the middle of something I need to finish, and sure enough it was my Mom. Well, of course our phone decided not to properly work (found out is was our internet connection, we have Vonage, thus if the internet is having issues, then sometimes our phone does not want to work either). I knew she would be leaving a message, of which I could not get it either, and could not get the phone to dial her home. I finally grab the cell phone to call her. As I said hello, I could tell something was not right. I asked her what was wrong, and she began to tell me just how "short winded" she was. She was not even able to walk from her kitchen to the living room without being "winded". Well, come to find out that had been going on for about 4 days. She did not want to "bother" me, so she waited until it scared the hell out of her to let me know. So, I ask her "how bad?" Bad enough to go to the emergency room? Or just bad enough that she felt she could wait until I could get a doctors appointment for later in the day. She tells me she can hold out until we see when the doctor can get her in, thus I call the doctors office. Fortunately, they can get her in by noon, only a couple of hours away. So, I give her a call to let her know. I tell her if it gets too bad before that, then we will go to the ER. Well, I am figuring due to her being out in the cold air over the past several days, having developed some allergy issues this year, having been out in all of the thick leaves digging through them and picking up the pecans that have fallen her on the front lawn, that she maybe having some type of "asthmatic" reaction. She had been doing those things over the past 4 days, also of which when the shortness of breath began. Well, much to my surprise, as soon as we get to the doctor, they check her over and also ask about "pain." She had not even bothered to mention any type of pain to me. All she said was she was worried about the shortness of breath. Even the "pain" she described at first still more like a reaction like asthma, but the next thing I know they are doing an EKG. It dawned on me (since I have had two heart attacks) that this "pain" she is describing, along with shortness of breath, could be heart related. Women, of course can have such different symptoms with a Myocardial Infarction. Due to her being 77 years old, having high blood pressure (controlled), and controlled but High Cholesterol. Along with the fact she does not exercise, was a smoker, even though she quit decades ago, and the last reason was the fact that I had already had 2 previous MI's. Undoubtedly, they "heard" a skipped beat or two, the EKG was a bit abnormal, and I knew her blood pressure was a little erratic, they decided she needed to go over to the ER, and them do the every 90 minute test on the blood that shows the "enzymes" present if there is any sign of a heart attack, or even an impending "event" coming. So, over we go, and at first things seemed good. They took her back right away, they were doing another EKG, and a chest X-Ray to see what those things might show. But, before we could even get the Xray done, this "idiot" of an ER doctor (I don't think I want call him that, came in with an extremely arrogant attitude, first announcing "there is NOTHING" on the EKG (the 2nd one they ran), making our doctor look bad, by then the X-ray was done, and there was no indication of her lungs being infected or having fluid in them, thus ruling our bronchitis or pneumonia, which I felt was not the situation anyway. He basically "IGNORED" our own doctors orders, looked at us like we walked in off the street, and came in for nothing. We were "hysterical" women in his eyes. In fact, one of the nurses had recognized me from my long stay in 2010, when I almost died. She even was talking about it in front of the doctor yet he never picked up on a thing she said, and sent us on our not so merry Way. Well, I was livid. I was determined to get Mom some help, for I could tell, she was having issues with being somewhat short winded. So, I took her home and called the doctors office to tell them about the debacle at the ER.By that time, the doctor had already called the ER, found out they NEVER even touched Mother, never asked her a question, never even listened to her chest, never asked her about pain, and just disregarded the orders for blood testing. Needless to say, my doctor was more than livid. He was to the point of being totally disgusted, and I was the one who was more than Livid. They had already decided to "admit" Mom overnight into the hospital, and do the blood work that way. Thus, we made yet another trip to the hospital, this time to the admissions office, and believe me, they had everything in order! They basically had every piece of paper done, put a bracelet on her, got me to sign two forms, and had her in a room within a matter of about 10 minutes. From there of course the fun for her began, from having to change, be in that very uncomfortable bed, IV in place, EKG leads again, telemetry unit to monitor her heart in place, and several medications, as well of course as drawing blood for the first time. This was late afternoon around 5:00 pm or so.  I had been running since way before dawn, had not eaten a thing, was dying of thirst, but was in fear to leave because I would miss seeing him to find out what all was happening and why. So, around 7:30 he finally came in and explained about her age, the "factors" of high risk etc... thus is everything turned out "negative" by morning, she could go home. We (my husband and I) left as soon as he was finished, and of course it was going to be a long and basically sleepless for Mom, and myself. I knew I would not sleep either, but all they were doing to do is monitor her all night long, then wake her every 90 minutes or so to draw more blood work. So, me staying was futile.

By the Way this next paragraph is a portion fro Facebook I included in this post. So, much of it goes along with what was above...

We had some issues over the past two days and I have been out and not at home. things turned our wonderfully thank Goodness, but we had quite a scare here up until yesterday morning. I am not going to go into details, but I am going to say the outcome was good, which I am so relieved. But, honestly I have been a mess over the past 3 days or so. I am still on overwhelm. Due to of course it being almost Christmas, what happened took me completely away from my schedule of baking, cooking, cleaning, and all I needed to do to get ready for Christmas. I have not really slept in two or three nights, I am just totally physically, emotionally and mentally drained. But, I do want to tell all of you that even though sometimes, we think we "need" that schedule. We get in this mode of "we must", "we have to", and we are going, here, there and yonder. We think if we don't get this done, or that done, it will be a disaster. We have a tendency to completely forget what Christmas and spirit of the holidays are all about. We get too wrapped up "literally" in presents, buying, spending, and all of the "material" things of Christmas, we leave behind what family, what living life, what loving, what having faith, what keeping hope alive in our hearts and in the hearts of those that we can touch, Often this time of year people are in the store, and they look almost "pissed". They are in a hurry, they get mad because everything is hustling and bustling. They are upset if they don't have everything "perfect". They are totally tied down to nothing that truly is what Christmas is all about. Yes, presents, food, trees, decorations, lights, all of those things are beautiful. And we enjoy the "pretty" things of all of that "stuff". But, it is what it is! It is STUFF!!! If you buy your child $2,000.00 worth of toys, but don't HUG him and tell him or her you love them, then what good is that toy? IF putting them in "pretty clothes" and showing them off in public is more important, than holding them close and rocking them, or watching them play in the dirt, or watching them climb in and out of the boxes, rather than play with those toys, then the entire message of the holiday is gone. If you don't show them the "spirit" of this day that we celebrate as Jesus' birth, of Him being born in a "manager", in other words in a barn basically, with not even a blanket to go around Him, but a "rag" that was swaddled tightly around Him to keep Him warm as His own Mother Mary first showed the true Love of a Son and His Mom, then all of the presents and "baubles" in the world do not make up for missing the entire point of the holiday. So, take time out of that schedule to hug your kids, hug your spouse, tell them you love them, hold reverence to prayers for He who came and was born in that Manager so long ago, is the very reason we exist. Tell them the story of His birth, tell them what the Christmas Tree and a Star on top represent. Even down to the "gifts" are about the true nature of "giving" is about how the Kings came to Give to the King that had been born. Allow that North Star to shine in your own heart, so you may pass around the true nature of this precious holiday. I can say that once you go through certain things in life, you figure out very quickly just how precious each heart beat is. With My honor, respect and love... May you be blessed also, Rhia