Life & It's Unexpected Not So Great Start to a New Year

Well, I was SO hoping for a New Year Good start, yet we had not great news yesterday evening. My Mom's brother suddenly and unexpectedly passed away yesterday. OF course it was a huge shock to Mom, and with everything else over the past couple of weeks, I know this hit her pretty hard. Then being the 1st day of a brand New Year, I know she is feeling like me, we prayed for "good" things. Anyway, she is also one sister, the "baby", her brother was the oldest of the three. Her sister, my Aunt is not in good health at all. She has a rare type of stomach cancer, that is not operable, and has just about responded as much as it will to chemo etc. So of course, that makes this even worse. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers. Between the stress of it all, Mom's scare thinking she had heart problems two weeks ago, in which honestly she is still kind of worrying off and on, even though things appear to be fine, and then we are totally blanketed with the flu in our town. Even all three of our doctors and PA's were all ill and the entire office all out last week with the flu. Some of them still are not over it all, thus as I said it is just not a great time to have to be out in the very cold weather and then exposed to the flu. None of us, and me with the compromised autoimmune issues, really don't need to take the chance either. But, I have to be with Mom and help her through this, plus my cousins and I were very, very close our entire childhood. So, this hits me hard also. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next days to come as we deal with yet another one of life's unexpected trauma's. thank so much my dear friends and family, Rhia

UPDATE 1/4/2013

It does not sound well with my Mom's "baby" sister either. I spoke to another cousin last night who is very good friends with my Aunt. The cancer is not good at all from what she told me. My Aunt and her had talked at Christmas time, and basically my aunt told her she was "ready to go". Undoubtedly, the "stomach" cancer has metastasized and must be spreading over her body from the information I got. She must not be very well, because she did not come for the Rosary last night. They are going to try and come for the Funeral this morning at 10 am. Last night was certainly not easy. This is the first time I have seen any of my 1st cousins in well over 10 years at least. I know I had not seen them since I returned from Seattle to TX 7 years ago. In fact, My other Aunt, which would be this Uncle's Wife, passed away almost to the date of my coming back. She also died of a long battle with colon cancer. This would be my Mom's Brother's Wife who just passed away, so Mom's Sister in Law. She passed away about 10 days before I could get back, which was the 10th of December 2005. So, that was difficult to talk about also with my cousins. As I said it was bittersweet. I was so happy to get to see them. My oldest cousin and I were "running buddies" until high school. We did everything together! We were always at each others homes, or going somewhere together. Then we kind of just went through a phase in High School, and drifted apart. She was an athlete, and went to the Catholic school, and of course I was just in the regular High School here. Between my getting engaged and married so young, and then she also got married a couple of years after I did, etc, and she has 5 children! Twin boys and 3 girls! OF course they are all grown like mine now, which seems so impossible. Then other 2 brothers were just about 3 to 5 or 6 years or so younger than us, so we used to bug the heck out of the both of them! LOL! We would get them to play dress up, and then they had us playing some "war" game outside etc. I can remember very well those times as all of us as kids. Then they have the "youngest" sister that was born after we were up almost in high school. As I said, it was a bittersweet meet, and was certainly not the way family should have to see one another after that many years. We vowed we would not wait again until some tragic happens. But, all of us understand that lives our so busy, too busy, as my cousins Aunt on her Mom's side said as we were leaving. When we were kids, and back in the 70's and even the 80's, life seemed so much less"complicated". We seemed to have time to have a holiday dinner or a family get together, and not have it be years between or a funeral that brought us together. Our worlds are "TOO full"!!! We have too much to do when it is so much that it keeps us away from our closest family members. These are my Mom's siblings, and their children, so they are very close. Plus this is the last of my Mom's family. Her and my Aunt who is so ill with the cancer, and me are really all of the family Mom has that are close. So, if something happens to my Mom's sister, Lord knows how she is going to take it. She did "okay" last night, but as people came and gave their condolences, Mom kept saying "my family is almost all gone". So, today at the funeral also is going to possibly be a very difficult time if my Aunt is going to look like she is not doing very well. She had also made the comment that she was really not eating at all but just drinking Ensure, and I gather they are possibly now giving her strong pain medications, but I just kind of gathered that from the conversation. I will know more if she is even able and well enough to make the funeral today. Yesterday, was just a nightmare in a hundred ways for me. It was enough that I had the funeral and Mom, but I also had lots of my "own" stuff I needed to do that was important, such as it was "bill day" for me. Plus of course I had some other paperwork that needed to be taken care of, and even trying to get things ready to pay my own taxes on the house etc, and I have to take care of getting Mom's paid for where they need to be done. Then Mom left it up to me, so rather than send flowers, we donated in my Uncle's Memory to the Arthritis Foundation. He had "gout" along with probably osteoarthritis, but it was so bad he was almost not able to walk and needed knee replacements I think. He just was not going to go through that. As my Cousin said, and she was talking about her Mom, that My Aunt "called him home". Which is probably true. Him, my Dad, My Grandfather, Dad's brothers, and many friends are now "fishing, talking about deer hunting" and having a party in heaven about now. They are all together. Honestly, the was this world is and where it is headed I almost "envy" them. They are "out" of this world of hatred, disdain, hard hearts, greed, and all of the terrible ways that things are happening here now. They are in a peaceful place, that none of this worldly mess matters. For that I do envy them. So, I made the donation and done the paperwork for that. Also, I am not that well, but I am keeping my mouth shut. Every one of my fingers from deep in the nail beds down the middle of now at least 6 of the are split open and bleeding, along with the cuticles also. Plus I am of course emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. We do not even have our tree down yet and the rest of our Xmas decor put away, so I have that hanging over my head. I have so much to play "catch up" on, from doing all of the "deep" house cleaning I had planned to other paperwork, and their are upcoming doctor visits, and you name it, it is on my shoulders right now. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad III CAN help my Mom get through all of this, but in all of that, what I have really gotten a very good look at is my own Mom and her frailness. Which really took a toll on me also. I have just seen it mentally,because of how much she is not remembering, and then some things she says I am really not sure is true. Then, just the way she is walking, more "feeble" each day, etc. So I just see that she is also even though in good health right now, is aging what seems like faster now. I guess because I am with her all the time, I see it but it really does not hit me until, I kind of get an more objective look from something like this happening. Then I can comprehend the ways thing are. Anyway, today is the funeral, and there is a family meal at my cousins church afterwards. So this will be another "early" starting day, and a long one by the time everything is over, and I get Mom home and myself home. Please continue your thoughts and prayers. I realized more than ever last night all of us truly are in need of it. I am so appreciative of all here....  

Continued early Saturday Morning 1/5/2013

We survived the funeral. That was the 1st time I had been in the Catholic Church in many years. Honestly, since I went with my Grand parents and also my Uncle, Aunt and 4 cousins when we were all young, it brought back lots of memories of my Uncle who passed away, and his wife, My Aunt, who also passed away just after my Dad in 2005. The Mass was beautiful, and there were lots of family members there. The weather was very cold here and in fact, sleet fell a little yesterday morning early. But, it cleared and the sun came out a little bit in the early afternoon. One of the 4 cousins and his wife belong to one of the local Methodist Churches and that church had a wonderful lunch for the family after the interment at the cemetery. Mom was not really feeling like going to the cemetery. So, we came home for about an hour, and then went back for the lunch. Thank Goodness my other Aunt, that I have talked about, my Mom's youngest sister, that has the stomach cancer, her husband, and my cousin of that family, and her husband came along with them from the Mesquite area. I was so happy to get to see them. We were not for sure my Aunt would even physically be able to make it. So, when we saw them coming into church, all of us we very blessed to know she at least was able to come down for the funeral. She felt well enough to come also for lunch, although bless her heart, it is honestly not good. She is very, very frail. She was also very "shaky", and you could tell the medication they are giving her is really making her extremely weak. I also noticed she had something going on and it could also be medication related (she is taking a very high powered chemo pill that costs something like 600.00 A DAY!!) she frequently kind of either blinks or almost squints her eyes all the time. At first I wondered if she may have had a slight stroke, but after talking with her I feel it is just the extremely strong medications causing that side effect. After getting to see them, it was a very mixed blessing for me. As I sit here now, and tears stream down my face, I realize that we may not see her alive again. Even Mom said that as we took her home yesterday. That is Mom's only sibling left, and with that said, Mom, I can tell has got that weighing heavily on her heart and mind. Even the entire funeral and luncheon was such a mixed emotional ordeal. For the most of us, we have not seen one another in years, even though we all live in the same small town. We talked seriously about how that is just a shame, that it takes something so tragic to get us in the same room together, when we live a couple of miles from each other. We vowed to not allow this to happen again, and to keep in touch, and try to get together or at least those of us that can as often as possible. But, I know that if I, or one of us do not make a vow to make that happen, by initiating it, we won't. Words at that time in life are always said with good intention in mind. But, then we get "busy".... too damned busy in "life", and we make excuses about that mess of being busy, and the next thing you know, we will be at yet another funeral saying the same thing. I made a promise to myself, that I would initiate us trying to get together. Even if it is just a few of us that can, but every few months at least now I can call some of my cousins, and see if they want to try and have a lunch or just visit for a couple of hours and have coffee. Anything not to lose contact for so many years, due to the silly excuse of being too busy. Their kids are grown, mine are grown, and even though there are jobs etc... "stuff" is NOT as important as FAMILY! It hurts me to think we have allowed "crap" to keep us apart until my own Uncle passes away suddenly. I am to blame also. I realize my illness keeps me down, or at doctors, or in the hospital... yeah, yeah, but still I can MAKE TIME to at least make a phone call, or get an email address etc... We tend to do "lip service" at these times in life, saying we will, and we have very good intentions at those moments. But, when we leave from that moment, all too often, either it it forgotten, or once again, we get wound into the web of "life" and tangled into lots of "things" and stuff that is not nearly as important as we think it is. I am "preaching to the choir" here as the saying goes. I am just as guilty of this as anyone. But, this will be on my "updated" 2013, things I want to do differently in 2013 and beyond. I pray I will think it through, and make sure I at least make an attempt to check on my cousins, etc. from time to time, if nothing but at least a phone call. Maybe that phone call can assert all of us to do more.. see each other, or then call more often. We never realize just how very short life it, until we get to this point. We begin to lose family members, we see how much older we are, and how time has flown by and we have just missed out in one another's lives. It is a crying shame, that some of my cousins children I had never met. It just should not be that way at all. It is not like we were upset or mad at one another. We just have been wrapped up in the freaking madness of life's crap, and one day you wake up and realize just how much of what if REALLY IMPORTANT IN LIFE you have totally MISSED!!!! It is the same with my own kids and my Grand Kids. I miss out on so much of their lives. I realize for that situation we do have 7 plus hours different between us, but still I do not want that to be the excuse that keeps us apart until we have a tragedy hit. I cab sit here and say well, it is hard for us to travel down to the coast to see them. I can use the excuse they are so busy I don't want to interrupt their lives. I can use the excuse that my illnesses keep me close to home for the most part. I can use the excuse that my "ex" is down there, thus honestly I stay away because of him living down there.. yet I already have missed out on 3 years, 7 years, and about 12 years of my Grand Kids' lives. I see them a couple of times a year, and the two youngest ones do not really "know" who I am when they see me. Of course they know I am "Nana", BUT they are not close to me, they are not able to hug me and know daily or weekly, or hell even monthly that I am their Grand Mom. IT sucks. It truly sucks, and I am as much to blame as anyone. Lots of things that go into our lives, that we use for excuses, that we don't ponder enough over, that we lose sight of, and track of, lots of TOO MUCH WATER flowing underneath the bridges of our lives, all the while "time" is ticking, ticking, ticking away. With each "tick" another moment in life has passed us by. That is just one more minute, one more breath of life taken, one more thought gone, all leading down the hill, or up, however you want to call it... to that place that we shall be here no more but dwell with our Father in our true home. So, we then leave our "family" here behind to grieve, as we cross over into the land of perfect peace, with no pain, no suffering, and back into the arms of all the family we have "lost" before us. They are never lost, just briefly not in our humanly lives. As I close this for now, and I realize I have "said" a great deal this morning, for their is a very large amount that I am feeling, from the emotional, mental, physically, and feeling realms of my own humanness. If YOU take a message and walk away with it from this, I pray it is NOT to allow LIFE to get in the way, of LIVING what is the MOST IMPORTANT to you. With my honor, and as always love to you, Hugs, Rhia

 (after this post)
 I had also posted the words to a Crosby and Nash song they wrote and sang in the early 80's "Let the Waters Come and Carry Us Away"... "so much time to make up everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, so much water moving, underneath the bridge, Let the waters come and carry us away.... I love the couple of stanza's ..."OH, when you were young, did you question all the answers, did you envy all the dancers, who had all the nerve, Look round you now, you must go for what you wanted, Look at all my friends who did and got what they deserved..."

"Purging" The Outdated & Sewing The Seeds of the Vigorously Sprightly

A great deal of nostalgia here this morning, and I am sure it will be that way throughout the next two days. We are all in reflection of what 2012 was and certainly was not for so many. From Mother Nature's Wrath that left more than one path of destruction, and death, to the "inhumane" realms of what those who are supposed to be humans have done in our nation, and all over this vast world, 2012 has been a year pocked with marks that shall remain scars for many of our lives. The toll that this hurricanes, tornado's, floods, and droughts have left behind is one of the record books. 
It seems like each day of this past year has been a night mare when it comes to what can happen when our weather gets "distraught." It seems that as humans we "blame" the weather, yet all too often we can't open our own eyes to see that our levels of pollution in the air, water, and in the very soil we are supposed to get precious food to sustain life has been corrupted with chemicals, trash that will take millions of years if ever to dissolve, and we are in a constant place of breathing car exhausts, poisons, and all of the garbage we pour into the air. Then our water is many places is not fit to drink. Here we are one of the greatest nations in the world, yet rather than have cleaner drinking water, it gets more filthy, with poisons, pollutants, even prescription medications that are poured into it, that show up in our cells. Even though we don't want to admit the way we constantly fill our lands with more concrete, more buildings, more cars, and leave less and less of the land to provide us all of the "building blocks" we need, we continue to build and cover over record numbers of forests and land so we can have a house like the "Jones'" as the saying goes. 
Then there is the extreme amount of devastation filling this country with every heart beat in the realms of our financial, fiscal, and governmental down falls. Our very own people, those that we voted in, pay, and put their to do as we wish to help us, are the very ones sitting like a bunch of fat cats on Capitol Hill playing mind games, and games with our money, our investments, homes, and our future. They could care less about what "the people want". They want to make the rich, get more rich, while the every day common middle class that keep this country going will be cut off from all assistance that we need, from additional unemployment benefits, to tax hikes that will send us further into the "poor house". Why should they care, since they are "sitting pretty" for the rest of their lives, and I am sure the lives of their families, in whom that have made sure will be taken care of even though I feel we head into a the Greatest Depression we shall ever see in our lives here. People have become complacent, uncaring, scary, down right mean, and just plain insane. We see it and hear it everyday in our news, in our magazines and in the headlines of even our own local newspaper. 
The amount of severe crimes, break in's, even murders are increasing daily, and the more violent they are each time they happen. Oddly enough, we can recall the bad things, the mess of an election that held enough funds between both parties to almost balance this substantially over bloated non-budget of ours, yet the bad stuff just keeps on coming, while the wicked of this land, just continue to get more wicked by the day. My question to all is when we are going to truly get a gut full of this abuse of the people, our salaries, jobs, homes and lives to rally up and tell them NO MORE! When will our eyes finally be filled with the disgust we feel inside, and come out all together to forever make a positive change in just how things in our government go that only put us in more debt, use up more public funds to do foolish projects, or things that never really succeed and are there to "cover up" the greed of those who are the most greedy. We such don't mind griping, whining and fussing about it, but we are almost "too civilized" of a nation! We FEAR standing up for our rights! We fear the "big men" on that hill! We FEAR we may cause "problems", or conflict or someone may not like us as much if we open our mouths and give our own testimony to the wickedness of our nation and the world. You can darned sure bet that the "Big Man" upstairs is definitely taking count. He is "seeing" all things, so many bad these days, and when the final horns sound, and the final battle begins, the tally will not be forgotten of those who have harmed their own brothers, murdered their own sons and daughters, reeked havoc in the peaceful nations, and caused nothing but death, devastation, and destruction.  At that time there will be NO Senator, No Governor, No "Republican" or "Democrat", no thief in the night that steals peoples very souls to help at that moment. those trumpets shall mean only one thing, that the very last battle is here, and those of us who have stayed in the realms of faith, hope, and goodness shall reign in our own proper House in Heaven. I am no "prophet", never claimed to be. I am no "Saint", honestly I do not think a human is capable of being a "Saint", but I know what I see all around daily, and I know what the "Good Book" Says. 
We may not be able to predict the time, the day and the moment, but if we only open our eyes, we can see the "signs" of the time of the end all around us. I will not go into the further parts of what I feel about that subject, because I don't often talk about politics or religion even those that sounds like a cliche'. Everyone has their own very intimate, very personal beliefs in those two subjects, so I don't discuss either of them very often. I would rather give others the room they need to feel and express their own feelings about religion and politics. But after the horrid year we have had I just felt I could not hold my own tongue anymore, even about some pieces of my religious and political parts of how I believe. It just exactly what I said earlier in this, it is more than time, it is past time, that we, as a people, stand up for our beliefs, and we "cut out" the frivolous, excess and bloat that has been in our essence of what we refer to as our governmental bodies of town, state, and nation, and put us as the people back in charge of those things. I am NOT talking about some kind of "over turn" bull or anarchy. So, I don't want some idiot thinking I have "lost it". What I do mean though is we have become so extremely complacent, uncaring, and in fear, we have left behind our voices. We have ran away from the things as a body of people we can do to make our nation and our world a better place. 
So, I am not talking about tearing down a "wall" literally, or not being peaceful (Lord knows we need PEACEFUL SO BADLY IT HURTS), but in a "symbolistic" way instead. We need to be open to what is really wrong, not be in fear of making changes, where they need to be made. This crap about not "crossing party lines" is ridiculous! I never quite understood why anyone felt they needed to stand with "one side" or the other, when it comes to a "term", a word like Democratic or Republican? IF a "person" can do the job and do it well to their ability for us, as the people, it does NOT matter what kind of "term" or "label" they put on their backs! Or may I say it does not to me! Their are good entities on both sides of what we want to call "party lines" (which used to be a phone line that more than one person could talk on and they shared in the country when the phone lines were far and few between)... and some silly label does not change the fact (unless they allow it to) how they can govern a body of people. Whether the town mayor, or the US President, who they are within, their character, their very essence of morality, decency, capability, demeanor, dignity, education, and many more descriptive terms are what gives them the "things" that make up what makes a good "Leader". So, for 2013, we need to rid our lives, and purge out all of the stuff that does not "lead" us in the right ways. Maybe not just "leaders" as far as people, but what things "lead" us daily from the inside and outside. We need to finally stand up for the right, and serenade the good, and we need to stand down and not accept what is the wrong, whether they or it seems to be "power", often that power needs to be turned the hell off, and allow new lines to be drawn and new types of "electrical parties" be put in place to bring in what is right. I look back and 2012 as a time of "learning"... learning what sitting around and doing nothing gets you... as my own saying goes  "Do nothing and NOTHING gets done!" 
Thus, sitting on our laurels, and allowing things to happen that we know are wrong, and keeping fear in our hearts to make it right, is showing a weakness... not showing the honor and faith in how we truly believe in what is the right path. We owe our kids, and their kids, and those to come an explanation for how we have "done nothing".,. out of fear, disdain, complacency, out of those things we all too often put first, and that just keep us from facing the hard cold truth, that is it time to stand up and change those things that are wrong. Whether it is a law or not, whether it needs to be a law or not, whether it needs to be changes in leadership, changes in how business is done, changes in the ways go in our schools, public areas, and take away and rid ourselves of what is so wrong, to provide a safe haven of a country for all that is so right. We wait around and "rally" when there is a tragedy! Why is that??? Why do we have to wait until the unthinkable has happened before we get the heck up and say we are not going to stand for the same old thing anymore... our lives from education, to our health program, to insurance companies, banking, corporate business, tax codes, and governments need a change of the guards so to speak. 
After allowing stuff to remain "rotten" for too many years the stench is finally waking some of us up, but it sure has taken a long time to do so!!! We can no longer sit around like old "brackish appendages" knitting sweaters and drinking tea while everything goes to hell in a hand basket. The time of dormancy and hibernation needs to be kicked in the butt, and allow the "butterflies" of our world to prosper. I know for me, those lines above are very personal. I have been one of those "sitting on my hands" not opening my mouth, allowing the ruling of my own life to be done all too often by what society deems, "right". Even in my illness, rather than "fight" like hell against all that is wrong, I became so "docile" allowing doctors and the medical field to become almost dictatorial over my body, that I forgot I do have a mind that I can use to decide what 
I feel is "right or wrong" for me. That very example of being so overtly stagnant, is what also is wrong with many things that go on in our world. We allow it! We turn our heads so as to not face the facts. It is easier to walk by and simply not act at all, than to put yourself out there and do something about what you feel is not correct. If the ONLY thing you feel you can do it "write" an email or letter to whomever it is you feel needs to do something differently, that is far better than bitching about it, and then not doing a darned thing to help overhaul that maligned issue. IF you got nothing out of a word I have said in all of this, think about trying to dig out the old bulbs in your life of ambiguity, and sew sprightly seeds of everything vigorous and unspoiled in your garden of life for all the world to see.  With my Sincere Believe that We can Make this World a Better Place... Love to All, Rhia

The Days Ahead After All of the Good Cheer...

Well, here we are! For most of us, the gifts are opened, the food is "partially" eaten, we have loads of goodies and sweets left that we know we do not need to eat' but just can't resist! The tree is looking rather "bare" with no gifts under it, and the stockings are just a bit down and out. Alas they are empty of all of their fruit, nuts, candy canes and small surprises.
Family is still visiting for some. For others, they are preparing for their trips home. Whether flying, driving, or otherwise, much of the country is not really a great place to be traveling in. for some of us we had somewhat of a "white" Christmas. Even here in our town about 30 miles South of Dallas, we had some snowflakes yesterday afternoon. Of course nothing that was going o stick, but it was enough to give you that special kind of feeling that we did also have a bit of a snowy holiday!
The kids are about to drive you nuts with all of their new toys, or wanting to go outside in the cold and play. Or, they are now "bored" and are looking for something to do. Give them a couple of boxes and tell them to make them a "fort" or a "house", or something creative and constructive to keep them busy for the next few days. For most, school will be out until after the New Year holiday.
Some of us are now planning our party for New Year's Eve. For some, that means another house full of family and friends, probably more on the all adult side, with drinks, music, party hats, and "auld lang syne." Others are planning to go out on the town and live it up in their sequined gowns, and formal attire. Others are preparing for a quiet evening, watching the ball from New York drop as it always does at Time Square, wishing everyone Happy 2013 and off to bed at 5 minutes after midnight... (sounds like us IF we CAN make it to MIDNIGHT)!
Hopefully those that don't hold their liquor well, or don't know when to stop, will drop their car keys off at the door, and spend the night or call a taxi, if they have had a couple of drinks.  There will be some with fire works going off, which in much of the nation is dangerous due to so many states in a drought situation. We certainly don't want anyone beginning the New Year with a burned down home from firecrackers thus I hope those are maintained by the professional people at shows on that level.
Many of us are back off to work today. We are wondering how the holiday, that took SO long to get ready for, is now over, done, and all that is left is the mess, left over food, and kind of an almost "empty" feeling inside. So many spend months before preparing for these holidays, and once they arrive, they are here and gone before we can blink an eye, thus we wonder even why we go through all of the effort. But, it means at least one day of family, friends, happiness, hope and faith. So, for that all of that planning and preparation, no matter how quickly it seems to fly by, was worth that effort.
Many of us are preparing our "New Years 2012 New Years Resolutions". It seems to b a huge tradition in this country. I am not sure where it came from, but before I continue I think I will look it up to see, so I can explain. It seems that this tradition of making Resolutions has been going on even back into the Medieval Times, when Knights would "renew" their commitment to their honor of  "chivalry" in a "peacock vow" each Christmas. Other types of Resolutions actually come from some "religious" beliefs, from "Lent" to Christian vows of doing better or being a creed of "self-improvement." So, our traditions of these New Years Resolutions have been going on for the ages, that people see the "New Year" as a fresh start, a time of reflection to be a better person, or do something a better way. From statistics it appears about 52% make of those who make these "good faith" Resolutions annually (in a study in 2007 of 3000 people), and about 88% actually fail at them.  It seems the more  "specific" the "goal" the much more difficult it is to keep for those who make them. OF course that makes total sense. We usually begin the New Year with lots of hope, faith, good will, and in the realms that things will be so much better this bright and shiny starting fresh. Yet, as we go along, things happen, we lose tract of or sight of, those things that we were so positive about that first part of the New Year. But, don't dismay, many of us keep a few of our resolutions! So, you can always be in that 22% that do!
I was reflecting back just a day ago on my own for "2012". I discovered that I did keep several of mine, although not all of them, keeping about 50% of those I made felt like an accomplishment. With hope that I maybe able to keep 70% or more this brand new up and coming 2013!
So, in a few days we will be "ringing" in 2012 with music, champagne, horns, singing, and for many another tradition of eating black-eyed peas for good luck in the new year. I gather that must be more of a "Southern" tradition. When I lived in Seattle most people there had never even heard of it, and you did not find black-eyed peas up there, even in a can very much. So, even in different part of our nation, we tend to have different little "quirks" we do to celebrate.
Of course, with all of the "goodness" and cheer for January, comes all of the worrisome tasks of, paying home and land taxes, for many paying house and car insurance, or like us our car registration also comes due about this time. Then now, depending on what happens with this "fiscal" not just a cliff but a "mountain" we may fall off of, if Congress does not get their butts together, some are concerned about their "tax" refunds that they may not get. Those that really depend  on those "refund checks" may watch them melt away if all of what has been in the past like the "Bush era" tax cuts happen to come to a quick halt. My person feeling on this is that they (Congress) WILL finally come to a decision. IT will probably happen at the very last hour, so they can keep everyone sitting on sharp tax "literally" and biting their nails! But, I have a very good feeling many of them sitting like "fat cats" up their and looking for their re-election in a couple of years, will be acting in order to gain the voters attention. IF they don't there will many that will be "retiring" from their Federal post in Congress for sure. I think Americans as a whole are more than FED UP! WE are sick and tired of the political fall out we get over their stupid  Congressional games! After all WE elect them, WE pay THEIR SALARIES, and then they DO AS THEY WANT!  I feel that the majority of us have had more than we are willing to take of that any longer.
So, in 10 days or so, kids will be back in school, trees and decorations put away for another year, celebrations and parties over with, and the cold of Winter finally settling in many of our parts of the country. We will be back to our routines, jobs, homes, cleaning, cooking, losing that "holiday poundage" we put in from too much of Granny's fruitcake, and settling down to make the New Year all it can be.
For now, it seems kind of sad for me. Even though I am also looking forward to keeping many of my own "resolutions", and have lots of work ahead of me, I feel like mine will be put between all of the other 1,001 things it seems like there always is to do. New Years' never mean "reprieve" from the other things, like laundry, cleaning, cooking, paying bills, and running errands. Resolutions and New Years' come in, but they don't stop illness, emergencies, and all of the ways we get "detained" for one reason or the other. I know my list is quite long, and quite full of many things as far as my 2013 Resolutions. I want to try and "make up", play a catch up game from the several previous years of illness, surgeries, sickness, and those things that truly did detain me from "living" my life on a semi-some kind of normal time frame. I catch myself putting "finishing my 2nd Poetry book and getting it published" in 6 months, as well as having my "book-book" as I still call it (I do have what I believe it a name now for it but have not revealed it yet) by the end of the year. It won't b publication ready I don't think but I would like to have it close to the place of publication for the beginning of 2014. Just those two alone are tall orders. Then I have the usual lose some weight, exercise a little more, eat a little healthier, etc. I also have others like practice my drums several times a week, along with the keyboard and be writing lyrics and singing again. I also would love to start sewing again and make another quilt, this one for our bed, which is queen sized. So, in between hopefully any of my doctors visits, which I hope and pray will be few and far between for 2013, and NO SURGERIES!, few tests I pray (I realize I may already have to go through a couple of minor tests), and I so pray that the Lord will show me the way to keep the Lupus, RA, pain, and other chronic illnesses in check enough that my time is much more about the things I WANT TO DO, and NOT ILLNESS! Those are my "main" goals, resolutions, or whatever you may call them in your neck of the woods.
Well, as you can see, by this post, I certainly have NOT made a resolution to "cut-down" my post and their sizes....:) With much respect, honor, and truly a Hope for Peace and Great Health for All, Rhia  Happy Up and Coming 2013!

Holiday Happiness, Peace and Good Will

Well, after much preparation, fuss and muss, the "big" day finally arrives! The kids are waking parents up at way before the break of dawn (the only day of the year), parents are drinking extra coffee, while Mom's are putting in the turkeys, hams, and getting all of the trimmings ready. Many attended midnight mass last night, which everywhere I read turned out beautiful. We actually got all of the baked home made "goodies" together (fruit cake, cut out sugar cookies, pumpkin roll filled with cream cheese, surprise cookies with a chocolate kiss in the middle, and little brownie bites all together, and wrapped up for our 5 close neighbors. We got those all our yesterday evening, and as we went to our "favorite" elderly neighbors home, we walked in to almost a "dream world". Even at her age, (I am guessing 85 plus) she has something like 70 plus with siblings, nieces, nephews, and then of course "grand" nieces, nephews and more, that she cooks for each year, decorate her home like a Christmas wonderland, & I think buys a gift for all of them! We got to see one huge "Czech" feast for sure. One of her nieces was helping her gather mounds of all kinds of food together (I wished I had pictures) for the entire bunch for last night. :) She is just an inspiration and I pray that she is around for a very long while. We are truly blessed by all of our neighbors, but her especially. I can hope that at her age, I am able to do even half of what she does. From there we came home to rest after much of our own hustle and bustle from getting all of that wrapped and ready, then delivered to watch a Christmas Movie (gosh I am addicted:) Every chance I get I have an entire lot recorded from Lifetime and I must watch a little when I ride my exerciser etc). But, we were ready for bed pretty early, and hit the sack a little after 9 pm. I had not slept (but that is not abnormal) night before, and even then by 2 am I was up this morning watching to see where "Santa" was for my two puppies :), and seeing what the weather would do here for today. We are preparing not a huge feast but saving our for New Years Day instead. But I am fixing a roast with all of the fresh veggies, celery, carrots, onion, parsley, potatoes, sweet potatoes in it, and then we found some "Hopefully" fresh green beans that are good. We will make some fresh home made rolls, and then we have some of the goodies left from my baking ordeal for the neighbors. Then later in the day, we will go to visit my Mom, take her a plate of food, and spend the afternoon with her. Jim is "climbing the walls" to open gifts so I will close for now, and add more later. :):) The weather is terrible here right now, with a huge lightening storm going on and rain. So the weather may not be wonderful here, but let it snow!:) With my hopes for all for peace, good cheer, many blessings, and love.... may 2012 bring a blanket of peace over our nation and world! Hugs, xxoxo Rhia

The Running of the Holidays & Catching Up in 2013!

Well here we are! Life seems to be just running, flying, cruising, moving, sailing, & all of the other words we could use to just it is going by too quickly!!! Just about the time we get our decorations put up from the previous Xmas, and get our "figures" back in shape from all of the great food, we look up and here is another Christmas at our door step. This year has been a very mixed blessing year for my family. I had a much "better" year somewhat I guess you can say. I only had 1 major surgery this year, my 4 level cervical neck procedure. I went through the minor issue of the biopsy on my temporal artery, but so far I am still having double vision issues, thus the "hunt" for what the heck is causing it will go on in 2013. Until then I just able able to see "double"! Which is a good thing, depending on what the hell I am looking at! LOL!!!! It seems that with medications, treatments, follow ups with the doctors, and all of the things I do to try and keep the RA, Lupus, and Chronic Pain in check have worked fairly well this year. I have of course still had come pain issues, and still had a few flares, but for the most part, when my neck began to show a huge difference in the shoulder pain, I knew I was going to be feeling more human when it healed more. So far, so good. I pray all of those holds out, and that nothing else decides to give way, break, wear out, etc. :) Same with the family, for the most part. After the scare here with Mom, this past week, and her heart, then it turning out to be as far as the doctors can tell, all is well from the tests they ran. So we are grateful that it appears her heart is fine. She is already doing much better with the Lasix. As soon as it began to remove the excess fluid she has in her mid-section she is already breathing better, and the shortness of breath seems to be gone. She was up and at the market by herself yesterday morning, so she is doing much better. :) So, that is the very best Christmas present we could have. For her to check out at 77 years old, and have a clean bill of health as far as her heart goes was wonderful news for us. I was a tad bit on the concerned side just due to her age, her high blood pressure (even through medication controlled) and she is on high cholesterol medication also. Other than that her had quit smoking probably 30 years ago, and other than that she is not huge on being an exerciser. All in all, bless her heart, she is in better physical shape than I am. I was also a factor in putting her into the hospital for the blood work checks on her heart. Due to my two Mi's at such a young age, they took that into consideration also, is what our family doctor told us. Of course the biggest thing I guess for myself, as well as Jim was me publishing my very 1st book! I am now officially a "published author"! that was a huge event for me, and my plans and (resolutions for 2013) or part of those are to have a 2nd poetry book published by Spring or early Summer, as well as have a great deal of my "book", "book:" as I call it completed. so, I plan on being one busy lady beginning in 2013! LOL!!! Like I am not busy already. It seems there is never quite enough time in my day to finish everything I want to finish, or honestly I run out of "steam" before I am finished. I also plan on getting back into the music part of my somewhat artistic nature. I have already been on my drums some, and also on the keyboard. Right now, and once again our "music/extra room" is filled with the boxes from lights, tree etc, and you can't even barely get around to the instruments. But, once all of that is put away after New Year's, I plan on doing some writing, singing, drumming and keyboard playing. I also want to get back into working on sewing quilts. I really enjoyed that before my shoulder decided to completely quit on me. Since my neck surgery seems to have for the most part fixed the pain issue in my arm, neck and shoulder, I am hoping to be able to do all of these things. I certainly can sit and type again a great deal more than before the surgeries. I am much more able to be online and on the computer than I had been in years. So, between all of my "artistic endeavors" as well as the usual cleaning, cooking, house keeping, errands, doctors visits, stuff for Mom and so forth, I plan to have an extremely busy 2013! I just pray that my hope grows, and my faith stays alive, and my body and mind give me the opportunity to do all of those things. I had even mentioned to Jim I may get back into SOME of the web design stuff again. I am not sure if I had mentioned it any here, but I did web design for a couple of years when we first met. After I was getting so ill I was having to make a decision to quit a job outside of the house, plus I had always been intrigued with web design and how it all went together, Jim was the first person that really took me seriously about that. I had a book but no one had really sat down with me to help explain the basics of it all. So, honestly Jim did "throw the HTML 10 thick" book at me one afternoon in Seattle, and said here you go, everything you need is in this book. Then you can start asking questions once you have gotten clued in from it. Well, I had already been observing his coding of sites. He works more on the "back end" of sites, to make shopping carts work, data bases, and those types of things. Where I wanted to actually design the sites themselves. In a few days I was putting together some "simple" very basic items that went into a web site, and was showing signs of having the ability to grasp the idea. He then jumped in to give me more help so I could learn the right way, and not get engrossed in some of the wrong tactics, and within a few months, I was working on my own web site, and then designed several sites for people in the business realms of Seattle. In fact two sites I did all myself are still all up and running, just as the day I completed them. That has been about 9 years ago or so. I go to them every once in a while to see what they look like, and there they are just like they were the day I said they were completed! So, I had to quit much of that when we got to TX. I became so ill with so much pain, and then I began going through all of the surgeries, doctors, tests and so forth, and also the Lupus mess reared its ugly head. So, my design and development web status got put on the back burner for awhile. I even got pretty good at SEO work and did lots of optimization for Search Engines for our clients. But, that has also changed so much, that things are not at all as they were. It has almost became an entire "schooling" of working knowledge as to how to really optimize a web site to keep it high in rankings, and up in search engines such as Google and so forth. I have considered since HTML 5 is now coming out, and now CSS 3 is huge. There are so many changes, that things like graphics, etc. are going to be a thing of the past, and much of what a did as a literal graphic in Photoshop, will be replaced by "coding" through style sheets. Lots of changes in a very short time, so I would probably have to go back to "square one" if I really wanted to learn. Anyway, that maybe another thing I put on my plate. Jim is thinking about taking the development business into a new direction this year, and begin "designing" again. Since all of the changes with web sites when it comes to phones, I-Pads, Kindles', smart phones, and so many more devices are coming out, keeping up with the latest in those types of design entities are important. So, as he has been redoing our own website, and I have been more of the "consultant" this time, rather than doing the hands on designing myself with all of the economic issues, and our changing of what is happening in our world, we may have to seriously take the business into a new direction just to survive. Interestingly, enough design had kind of fallen by the way side a few years back, when the "cookie cutter" sites came out, and now with all of the latest in HTML 5 and CSS 3, now design for these new electronic devices is going to be critical for those with online businesses. So, here we are once again, with an ever changing world, that tends to take us on adventures at times we may have never dreamed of just a few years ago. It would be interesting to be a "fly on the wall" in 100 years or more from now to see just how much we advance from here. I can imagine that even in 50 years, things are going to be extremely different. I shall close my long winded post for now, and wish everyone an incredibly wondrous Christmas Day tomorrow!!! May the peace of family and friends, and love surround each of you, and bring you much joy for the day! May we all find 2013 to be a better year in so many ways, and may our world also find in its heart to become peaceful, and lead the way to a divine place of respect for one another. If you can't do anything else tomorrow due to illness or so forth, at least tell those you love if possible how much you do love and miss them... for we truly never know what tomorrow brings... Merry Christmas Rhia

Life's Waters As They Often Flow -- Where We Never Know

I must apologize for I have been out of pocket, so to speak over the past 48 hours or so. We had kind of a family emergency come up unexpectedly as "emergencies" usually do. It really sent me reeling, since I myself, have been in quite the "tizzy" with baking, cooking, cleaning, and all of the holiday last minute things that we always have this time of year. Even though we do not think we will actually be at the house for the holiday (depending on the weather) we still do Xmas baking for a few neighbors, have a tree, the lights, and so forth. So, my schedule suddenly got put aside for a situation with My Mom. I had been there on Wednesday to visit, and she seemed to be fine. In fact she did not even say anything about not feeling well. So, after a several hour visit I came home to begin on completely more of my last minute baking. Thursday morning I was making my 4th Pumpkin Roll, and I had been having "issues" with 2 of them "splitting" so I was kind of frustrated with that, the phone rings and it is fairly early. Of course I always get a call when I am smack dab in the middle of something I need to finish, and sure enough it was my Mom. Well, of course our phone decided not to properly work (found out is was our internet connection, we have Vonage, thus if the internet is having issues, then sometimes our phone does not want to work either). I knew she would be leaving a message, of which I could not get it either, and could not get the phone to dial her home. I finally grab the cell phone to call her. As I said hello, I could tell something was not right. I asked her what was wrong, and she began to tell me just how "short winded" she was. She was not even able to walk from her kitchen to the living room without being "winded". Well, come to find out that had been going on for about 4 days. She did not want to "bother" me, so she waited until it scared the hell out of her to let me know. So, I ask her "how bad?" Bad enough to go to the emergency room? Or just bad enough that she felt she could wait until I could get a doctors appointment for later in the day. She tells me she can hold out until we see when the doctor can get her in, thus I call the doctors office. Fortunately, they can get her in by noon, only a couple of hours away. So, I give her a call to let her know. I tell her if it gets too bad before that, then we will go to the ER. Well, I am figuring due to her being out in the cold air over the past several days, having developed some allergy issues this year, having been out in all of the thick leaves digging through them and picking up the pecans that have fallen her on the front lawn, that she maybe having some type of "asthmatic" reaction. She had been doing those things over the past 4 days, also of which when the shortness of breath began. Well, much to my surprise, as soon as we get to the doctor, they check her over and also ask about "pain." She had not even bothered to mention any type of pain to me. All she said was she was worried about the shortness of breath. Even the "pain" she described at first still more like a reaction like asthma, but the next thing I know they are doing an EKG. It dawned on me (since I have had two heart attacks) that this "pain" she is describing, along with shortness of breath, could be heart related. Women, of course can have such different symptoms with a Myocardial Infarction. Due to her being 77 years old, having high blood pressure (controlled), and controlled but High Cholesterol. Along with the fact she does not exercise, was a smoker, even though she quit decades ago, and the last reason was the fact that I had already had 2 previous MI's. Undoubtedly, they "heard" a skipped beat or two, the EKG was a bit abnormal, and I knew her blood pressure was a little erratic, they decided she needed to go over to the ER, and them do the every 90 minute test on the blood that shows the "enzymes" present if there is any sign of a heart attack, or even an impending "event" coming. So, over we go, and at first things seemed good. They took her back right away, they were doing another EKG, and a chest X-Ray to see what those things might show. But, before we could even get the Xray done, this "idiot" of an ER doctor (I don't think I want call him that, came in with an extremely arrogant attitude, first announcing "there is NOTHING" on the EKG (the 2nd one they ran), making our doctor look bad, by then the X-ray was done, and there was no indication of her lungs being infected or having fluid in them, thus ruling our bronchitis or pneumonia, which I felt was not the situation anyway. He basically "IGNORED" our own doctors orders, looked at us like we walked in off the street, and came in for nothing. We were "hysterical" women in his eyes. In fact, one of the nurses had recognized me from my long stay in 2010, when I almost died. She even was talking about it in front of the doctor yet he never picked up on a thing she said, and sent us on our not so merry Way. Well, I was livid. I was determined to get Mom some help, for I could tell, she was having issues with being somewhat short winded. So, I took her home and called the doctors office to tell them about the debacle at the ER.By that time, the doctor had already called the ER, found out they NEVER even touched Mother, never asked her a question, never even listened to her chest, never asked her about pain, and just disregarded the orders for blood testing. Needless to say, my doctor was more than livid. He was to the point of being totally disgusted, and I was the one who was more than Livid. They had already decided to "admit" Mom overnight into the hospital, and do the blood work that way. Thus, we made yet another trip to the hospital, this time to the admissions office, and believe me, they had everything in order! They basically had every piece of paper done, put a bracelet on her, got me to sign two forms, and had her in a room within a matter of about 10 minutes. From there of course the fun for her began, from having to change, be in that very uncomfortable bed, IV in place, EKG leads again, telemetry unit to monitor her heart in place, and several medications, as well of course as drawing blood for the first time. This was late afternoon around 5:00 pm or so.  I had been running since way before dawn, had not eaten a thing, was dying of thirst, but was in fear to leave because I would miss seeing him to find out what all was happening and why. So, around 7:30 he finally came in and explained about her age, the "factors" of high risk etc... thus is everything turned out "negative" by morning, she could go home. We (my husband and I) left as soon as he was finished, and of course it was going to be a long and basically sleepless for Mom, and myself. I knew I would not sleep either, but all they were doing to do is monitor her all night long, then wake her every 90 minutes or so to draw more blood work. So, me staying was futile.

By the Way this next paragraph is a portion fro Facebook I included in this post. So, much of it goes along with what was above...

We had some issues over the past two days and I have been out and not at home. things turned our wonderfully thank Goodness, but we had quite a scare here up until yesterday morning. I am not going to go into details, but I am going to say the outcome was good, which I am so relieved. But, honestly I have been a mess over the past 3 days or so. I am still on overwhelm. Due to of course it being almost Christmas, what happened took me completely away from my schedule of baking, cooking, cleaning, and all I needed to do to get ready for Christmas. I have not really slept in two or three nights, I am just totally physically, emotionally and mentally drained. But, I do want to tell all of you that even though sometimes, we think we "need" that schedule. We get in this mode of "we must", "we have to", and we are going, here, there and yonder. We think if we don't get this done, or that done, it will be a disaster. We have a tendency to completely forget what Christmas and spirit of the holidays are all about. We get too wrapped up "literally" in presents, buying, spending, and all of the "material" things of Christmas, we leave behind what family, what living life, what loving, what having faith, what keeping hope alive in our hearts and in the hearts of those that we can touch, Often this time of year people are in the store, and they look almost "pissed". They are in a hurry, they get mad because everything is hustling and bustling. They are upset if they don't have everything "perfect". They are totally tied down to nothing that truly is what Christmas is all about. Yes, presents, food, trees, decorations, lights, all of those things are beautiful. And we enjoy the "pretty" things of all of that "stuff". But, it is what it is! It is STUFF!!! If you buy your child $2,000.00 worth of toys, but don't HUG him and tell him or her you love them, then what good is that toy? IF putting them in "pretty clothes" and showing them off in public is more important, than holding them close and rocking them, or watching them play in the dirt, or watching them climb in and out of the boxes, rather than play with those toys, then the entire message of the holiday is gone. If you don't show them the "spirit" of this day that we celebrate as Jesus' birth, of Him being born in a "manager", in other words in a barn basically, with not even a blanket to go around Him, but a "rag" that was swaddled tightly around Him to keep Him warm as His own Mother Mary first showed the true Love of a Son and His Mom, then all of the presents and "baubles" in the world do not make up for missing the entire point of the holiday. So, take time out of that schedule to hug your kids, hug your spouse, tell them you love them, hold reverence to prayers for He who came and was born in that Manager so long ago, is the very reason we exist. Tell them the story of His birth, tell them what the Christmas Tree and a Star on top represent. Even down to the "gifts" are about the true nature of "giving" is about how the Kings came to Give to the King that had been born. Allow that North Star to shine in your own heart, so you may pass around the true nature of this precious holiday. I can say that once you go through certain things in life, you figure out very quickly just how precious each heart beat is. With My honor, respect and love... May you be blessed also, Rhia

Several very interesting article have came out in the world of Lupus. I want to share those with you...

Anyone with the issues of Lupus and the skin maybe interested in this. go from this link to the next one that is posted in the article to get even more information from the Arthritis Research and Therapy Institute..
http:


Lupus and the Skin Latest News from LRI

Here is another about Lupus and issues for women and Cardiac Problems. I have had two heart attacks and they never confirmed they were caused from the Lupus, but they suspected. The 2nd one was when I had been extremely ill and had several surgeries due to the severity of my illness at that time.

http://lupusresearchinstitute.org/lupus-news/12/12/18/women-lupus-undergoing-surgery-greater-cardiac-risk?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+lrinews+%28Latest+News+from+the+Lupus+Research+Institute%29

Then the next has to do with the LRI and jumping on the band wagon so to speak about insurance issues and Lupus patients.

http://lupusresearchinstitute.org/lupus-news/discoveries/12/12/18/lri-petitions-hhs-patient-protections-insurance-coverage?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+lrinews+%28Latest+News+from+the+Lupus+Research+Institute%29


All very good information from the LRI (Lupus Research Institute)

http://lupusresearchinstitute.org/

Simply A Beautiful, But Often Difficult Time of Year for Those With Chronic Illness and Pain (& everyone honestly)

I realize there is all too often a general feeling of "anxiousness" that surrounds the holidays. For many of us, we work, possibly have a family, have a meal to plan or meals, have gifts to buy, to wrap, decorations at home, at work, the "Secret Santa" Gifts, house to clean before "Mom" gets there, relatives or company coming to visit, and the list can be endless for all. It is a very stressful time of year for the entire group, yet when you are dealing with a chronic illness and/or chronic pain to "boot" it can turn into a time of rather than joy and peace to stress, flares, and more pain.
We for the most part are a nation of go-getters.  We never stop, always on the run, and many times do not take care of us first. We eat wrong, we do not get the right sleep, or exercise, we put ourselves right in the middle of shopping during the height of the flu season, as well and may not have even gotten our flu shots anyway.
Chronic Illness patients do these things too. We too forget to eat properly, do overdo and vary away from our usual routines. We also expose ourselves by being out in the public more, just when illnesses from the flu, to stomach bugs, to even some illnesses such as measles, chicken pox, and so forth are out. Kids are out of school, relatives are coming in, and you become exposed to other acute illnesses that can be contagious simply due to being out of your element. We cook differently, we eat differently, often times we sleep off schedule, due to either pain, stress, too many things to do, and not enough time to do them all. So, we lay awake, stay up, or wake much too early not getting the rest we need.
Traveling is another realm that can cause issues with illness and pain. Cramped in a car for hours without getting out and stretching, bad weather that puts you in a state of anxiety, going to homes to stay and not being in your own bed, or even in a hotel, all of those things "throw" you off sync during the holidays.
We stress over "money", from buying for people, how much we should spend, and what we honestly have to spend, whether we "go into" credit card debt, or just understand we do not have it this year, so cut down spending for this holiday, and know possibly next year you can do more. Also, it is sometimes hard to tell relatives that you are just NOT able to exchange gifts. You feel embarrassed or upset. But, telling them, and not putting yourself into a large amount of credit card debt for the next year is far better. I tell my grown kids to NOT buy for us. We have what we need. Put their money on the Grand Kids, and then cut adults down, and if there are kids, then do for them, maybe you can even do something like crochet an blanket for them, make something for their rooms, if you sew well, you may be able to sew them something, or there are lots of very nice but inexpensive items out there now that kids love! You don't have to "break the bank" when it comes to kids. It is true often the little ones play with the boxes after they unwrap a gift, rather than the toys! So, whether it was $5.00 or $50.00 to them is of no consequence.
For those too ill to get out and about, being at home, tied to the sofa or bed is not a great way to spend the holidays. But at times that may be what has to happen. Some may have to schedule surgeries then, due to schedules, or it is just a time that a huge battle with a flare knocks you on your butt. Those are things we must find ways to tell our family and friends. If they love and care about you, they will come to understand, it is not the YOU want it that way, but you are not able to control chronic illness and pain. Often that is exactly when you feel your worst due to the anxiety and stress of the all too busy time of the year.
Then you may not be looking forward to dealing with some "family" or "friends" that are nosy, pushy, arrogant, rub people the wrong way, are ill mannered, don't know when to leave, never help with a thing, and so forth. Those can be the worst. Especially those that can well afford the time and/or money to help out in one way or the other, yet they are selfish enough to NOT think of anyone but themselves.
Those are the very people that can cause some of us the most grief, and also the ones that can almost ruin a holiday with their inability to see others need help and they are not the only "pebble on the beach".
Even though we would love to think our lives especially during the holidays are like those our of a fairy tale movie on Lifetime Television, or out of a beautiful book, life is usually not that way. It is messy, mixed up, turned upside down, and we must learn to make the best of it, even if the cookies crumble, the pumpkin roll cracks, the fudge is too soft, the fruit cake too hard, and the Egg Nog too spiked, turkey overcooked, ham under cooked, and no one remembered to pick up the paper plates and napkins! All seem like horrible disasters when you are in the middle of them, but in a month, I guarantee you will be laughing about it all and wondering why you got all upset, when you found a way around no cranberry salad and opened a couple of cans!
Things for me are in kind of that type of "not so simple" holiday "blueness" right now. With most of my close family either hundreds of miles away, or have passed away, or for some reason not able to be near, it can make it even more difficult. On one hand you feel "off the hook" for entertaining, cooking, and not having to lock up the dogs since no one is coming. But, then you also deal with the fact that your close family is not around, some of the are no longer here, and it can make for a sad time, and be a conundrum of feelings. I always deal with a very mixed emotional realm this time of year. Just a few years ago, before the chronic illness and pain really reared its ugly head, many things proved to be wonderful. After those, and then kids growing up, then you often look for a truly different meaning in the holiday time of the year. You reach out more for the true spirit, you look at your life and your mortality, you prefer to you have more down time, rather than all the hustle and bustle. Black Friday seems to be just another day for you, and a day you AVOID shopping!
There are still "traditions" I keep. I still send out my holiday cards. I always write my "annual Christmas letter" that goes to all of the family that is left in their cards, we order our yearly Wallace Sleigh Bell Ornament (we ordered the 10th one this year!), we usually still cook, but on a scaled down level. We do our "baking" for our neighbors, making home made "family secret" fruit cake, cookies, breads, fudge and so forth, to wrap it all up and give to our 4 closest neighbors each year. There are still traditions that we shall always keep and do as long as health and life permit. But you also develop new traditions that are nice also.
Life is usually quite "messy" through out an entire realm of our being on this Earth. At times we feel it is a little "too" messy, too complicated, too full of sadness, fear, madness (often times I wonder how how much "madness" I have :)), along with every other kind of emotional issue, physical, mental, and just those issues that we have no control over.
We would love to think we can control "our" days, and have ultimate command over our own selves, but as much as we think we might, we truly do not. Just as we cannot predict what some lunatic with guns that don't belong to him can do inside a school, a church, a college, a Mall, a Theater, or driving down a busy highway, we often really don't have control over our own actions either. Not when it comes to some things. WE cannot control illness. Oh, now we can eat better, sleep, take our vitamins, exercise, watch our weight and so forth, but ultimately that does not mean that we are NOT going to get ill with something. And when we do, we have no command over when, how or why. It just happens. So, since we can't control much of what goes on in our own world, it just about impossible to think we can have perfect say so over any one else. We can try. We can lead, guide, teach, and have faith. But, when it boils down to it, we are only HUMAN! so, all of the very things we thought we traditions, would be around forever, what we would always have in life, often times is just some silly prediction in our heads.

In chronic illness, things are often times worse for us because we already can absolutely know much of our life, our control and any thing we choose to do or not do can be changed in a moment, by illness. We can be perfectly "well" at one moment, and in an hour we may be so sick. Thus plans change, life changes, and for whatever reason there is, all of it will make sense later on down the road.
So, as you go through your last minute preparations, wrapping, bows on, cooking, cleaning, Santa, and all of the relatives and good cheer, enjoy what today and tomorrow hold. For just as so many know, often there is only that one last chance... and we are sitting on the threshold of "wishing" we would have hugged someone, told them we loved them, apologized, or just for once, been genuine and kind.
May you be blessed during this holiday and all of the days to come... with the knowledge that one moment at a time is a wonderful way to live life... as if you may not have another ..... moment again....

Trying to Make Sense Out of Something So Horrificly Senseless!

This is even a difficult subject to bring up this morning, but as a writer of feelings, thoughts and emotions, I must share my own views about what has taken place in "small town", "any town" America and just how distraught our nation IS and SHOULD BE over this horror. NO child, NOT ONE, should ever have to endure the deep emotional and mental trauma that these very innocent children did yesterday

. As I watched in absolute disdain, surreal and not even believing what I saw was real on the news in the afternoon yesterday, every thought in my head reeled around questions, that needed answers. My heart felt a heaviness for all of those involved. From the teachers who are true hero's, that helped to protect their kids, to keep them calm and even in the midst of this "demonic" type behavior, held onto their own calmness of sorts in order to possibly save their students lives. Then there are the children. I am sure stories will come out about the braveness of the little kids. How they were worried about their class mates and friends, wanting to go out and help them. I have to wonder what went through their heads as they saw this "mad man,” this total stranger, all in black, with guns of many, ready to fire upon them, and for the most past none had anywhere to truly hide. I heard some got locked in a bathroom for safety. Others were taken into the principal's office and helped to stay quiet and calm, and I am sure the teachers had them huddling together in groups under desks and so forth trying their best to shelter them. Yet when some "maniac" walks into an Elementary School, in class rooms filled with Kindergartener's, innocent lives, that don't for the most part understand guns and the violence that they can induce within a moment's breath space, yet when they began to hear the shots, and hear I am sure screams, moans and cries of these kids as they were hit by bullets undoubtably flying all around them, I am sure in their small heads and big hearts the sheer terror began to sink in. What this "inhumane" animal did was not only to take tiny innocent lives completely away, but he took away the innocence, the child hood, the "care free" lifestyle of children and their own visions of the world. He created a chaotic dramatization of true life horror that is going to haunt these children and adults the rest of their lives. Then he is such a coward he kills himself, rather than hang around to face the consequences of his horrid, unfathomable actions.

I was so amassed in my own disbelief and loathing for this individual, I had to just remove myself from the television and news for a while to be able to truly try to grasp the unrealistic situation, and imagine what must have been happening in the minds and hearts of all of those there at the time. Here at the most wonderful time of the year for a child’s life in particular, now shall never be the same again. Oh, one may forget about it and the hurt lessen over time, but he even in his own “childish” behavior still wins if you even call him that, because what he done to disrupt the lives of these people forever, will stay with them until their last days on Earth. I just cannot fathom as a parent and now Grand Parent anyone wanting to harm a child in anyway, much less in this act of insanity. I just am not able to “step into his boots”, NOR DO I WANT to, other than to want answers why these kids has to be killed in his plan of ridding his life, his Mom’s life, and the lives of so many children that knew not a thing about this idiots on issues. Mom’s and Dad’s all over the world will again be extremely frightened to take their kids back to that school, or any school for that matter. If it happens at one, it could happen again for sure. I feel like first of all, GUNS, guns of any type other than for HUNTING, and you do NOT HUNT WITH HAND GUNS, GLOCKS, AND OTHER HIGH CAPACITY AUTOMATIC 40 ROUND CLIP HOLDING PLUS GUNS. 2nd of all not only should we completely and once and for all banned these guns in the nation, we should be having a much better education into the realms of the minds of these types of very serious maniacs, who have this much mental illness and how they are roaming around in our society and should NOT be! Where was the guys’s Mom all this time he had been mentally ill. It came out immediately when this happened on the news, yet why was this NOT an issue in the days and weeks, perhaps months and years before it came to him mass killing kids? Where there signs that everyone ignored? Was he even being medically taken care of, with therapy and medication? Where were those who somehow knew this guy had a back ground of mental issues that were not good, or the news would not have known this as quickly as they did. Just how was he able to get hold of 4 of these types of weapons???? I would say his Mom DID NOT buy these!! I would assume some how he was able to get hold of them with her ID, but the facts shall unfold over the days to come.
There are so many unanswered questions in our minds and hearts. All over this nation and our world, people with “sense” and their “faculties” (your mind) are trying to remotely fathom what makes a mad man like this?

It is just too difficult for me to continue, and I will try to write more, as it all unfolds. Love one another every day, for you just never know what might happen. I pray as this continues to be a part of our days to come, we will be able to move past the pain yet we may never understand what makes a maniac like this. This will be very difficult when no where is truly safe anymore.

Making Sure Others are "Prepared" for your Chronic Illness During the Holidays...

This is a wonderful article by a great lady and writer, Toni Bernhard. I wanted to share with everyone. It was just on my mind how often others do not really understand that being chronically ill and having chronic pain issues does at times limit us, and it can come on quickly. Stress of having to do too much, be too much, and so forth and so on, can bring on a flare of high magnitude, thus putting you in the bed or worse for the holiday season. So, preparing family and friends is a very important part of getting everyone to understand your possible limitations. It may mean splitting up responsibilities, or making alternate plans. It could be that you must cut down on your "run and go" time and allow someone else to do errands, cooking, and other activities, rather than it be put all on you. I realize it is also difficult for you as the one that is chronically ill, to give up the things you used to do for the holidays. It is hard to give up baking those cookies, or having the entire holiday at your home. It could be you must order presents on line rather than be out shopping at the crack of dawn on "Black Friday". If you cut down on some things, allow others to do things, spend some down time resting, and allow others to help out, your holidays as well as your loved ones can be spent much better and you have your health intact. :)

Here is the link to the article:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201212/educating-loved-ones-about-your-health-during-the-holidays