Optimistic Annual Feelings During The Holiday Season and New Year...

I had been thinking about a subject to write on this morning, and my first thought was how it absolutely sucks to "misplace" something. Later you are wracking your brain, and wrecking your home to find that one thing you thought you put in a "safe" place where you could find it! Well, call it too many things going on, chronic illness, old age, senility, Alzheimer's, or any other of the 1001 reasons we do these kinds of things, but it happens to the best of us. I usually "put" up something that could be a "special" item that my Mom may have given to me from my Grandmother, or Lord knows hiding a gift for a birthday and so forth. Then a couple of weeks later I go to where i "thought" I put it and "viola'" it is NOT there. It comes to mind for me since I have been on a rampage for 2 days now trying to find something that I truly NEED to find, but I am at a loss completely as to where I put it. So, frantically I am trying to recall my steps back then, digging through my "usual" hiding spots, every drawer, every cabinet, yet I still have not put my finger on what I need to find. I gave up and decided to ask my Almighty Higher Power to please allow me to recall where that place is, and see if that works.
Anyway, that was going to be the subject for this piece but alas, I made a decision, to write about another factor that effects us, all of us in fact for the most part. Yet, for those of us with chronic illnesses, and chronic pain it seems to be of even more importance. I am speaking of the "optimistic" emotional realms we have throughout the beginnings of the holidays, often beginning with Thanksgiving, until after the New Years Ball drops on Time Square. WE probably carry much of that on with us for weeks after all of the holiday hustle and bustle are over, but as the old saying goes, What Goes UP, Must come DOWN. Now, I realize some of my readers are thinking, I am not all all "optimistic" during the holidays. You think about the worry about traveling and your health, or all of the errands, shopping, and gifts to buy, with the lack of energy you have. You feel you may never get the meal on the table for the entire "brewd" of family and friends, the tree up and decorated, much less cleaning all of that up to enjoy a very wonderful New Year's celebration. Those things are all correct. Unfortunately, Chronic Pain and Chronic Illnesses do NOT give us a holiday break. Honestly, they can reek havoc with our "physical" state, if we do not get plenty of rest, not take on so much, learn to allow other people to help, cut out some of the gift giving and tell the family to bring dishes and help with the meals. We all of the ability in of course a hopefully tactful way of telling others or reminding them, that our capabilities physically at times are limited when it comes to too many things to do, and not nearly enough time to do them. Or at least for other to pitch in and he carry the load.
But, I am talking more of the "sense" of an internal, deep inside optimism, that only those with these types of illnesses can truly understand. We can feel the "magic" of the season. We tend to have "hope for a better tomorrow, and the day after. We wish for better medications and treatments for the upcoming year, less bad episodes and flares, we reach that plateau that we make those resolutions to quit blaming ourselves, to take better care, such as slowing down, learning to say no, and all that may fit your lifestyle in the upcoming year. If you are alone or lonely, we may have the hopeful thoughts of finding a special someone who can truly understand you. If not "the one", possibly a dear friend, who can be there with you, whenever you need that shoulder to cry on, or that hand to help you off the floor when you fall. I know for me, I may not tell anyone, but I do have that hopeful optimism, that I will have less pain, less side effects from the medicines, possibly have the surgeries do better than expected and be off some of the medications. I hope for better research, and that someone out there finds out what causes Lupus, RA, FM, CFS, ME, MS, along with the other hundreds of chronic and autoimmune illnesses out there, and then announces they know what, why, how and mostly how to eradicate it from those that suffer much to much, for much too long.
Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain, are very unique and much different than a "broken leg", ruptured appendix, etc. "Chronic" means just that, not "acute" in nature. Chronic means basically for the "rest of your life", on going, never ending. It shall be with you until you take one last breath, OR possibly if a cure is found, that you may be cured or at least symptoms get better. So, daily, when we awake, our first thought honestly, is "I am ill". That very last thought we when go to bed is often "I am not well". It has to be the most difficult idea to accept in anyone's life. Other things are horrible at times, and we all have those too. But, something that you or the specialists know little about, and medical problems that will remain with you every day, along with never knowing whether you will wake up "feeling okay", or wake up feeling so sick you can't leave the bed.
So, during these months when hope and faith tend to be much more "vibrant" and alive all around us, I know for me, I feel more alive. We must have some time in our "journey" of this space, and all of the spaces in between to "feel good". Yet, as many that take those good feelings for granted, there are twice or more than are here, that take each day as one that they, we, and I have survived, and we pray that night, we shall survive another day the next day. When you actually go to places such as online groups, blogs, journals, pages that are filled with those desperately needing to find like minded folks, that truly do understand that they are REALLY ILL!! I just cannot put up with a "professional" of any kind trying to brush off a patient with "you are stressed", "take a holiday", etc, and try to tell you it is all in your head. That is such a crock, and for any doctor to not open their ears and brains to listen to a patient should not be in The business of "doctoring" at all! But, we have so many people with these chronic illnesses that do not have doctors, family or friends, that they look for some way to deal mentally, emotionally and physically with these issues. All too often those closest to us, are the very ones that just "don't get it", or they cannot deal with or accept it. That is honestly a pure shame. Their are so many incredible people that are ill, yet they help others like themselves, which creates a wonderful bond for many of us. We give one another some advice, from what doctor we may have had luck with, to medications or supplements that may work, to just needing a shoulder to "cry" on through the "crying out" in words online as you read the pouring out of truly caring folks that shall support one another the best they can from around the globe. We have been given a special "voice" with the internet, and found a whole other way to communicate. It has become a viable and sincere life saver for many. I honestly feel that without all of the help people get on line through the social media's, Twitter, blogs, journals, groups, pages and the list of the way we can "touch" one another across the wire has saved many lives. Lives of those who may have given it up and tossed in their "golden token" for the last time, because they had no one there to listen and lift them up when they needed it.
Yet as a patient of Chronic Illnesses (I have several), and what was and still can be at times, horrid Chronic Pain, I do feel that "joyful" optimistic hope during the holiday time. I have a "renewed" vision of the year ahead, and I am thankful that I "hope" to be given that year completely and find that I am less ill, have many more better days that worse ones, less flares, more energy, and I am able to help others more than I have the years before.

My hope is that I am right about others out there. You do feel that internal, fire of optimism that burns deeply, keeping your light in this world alive and brightly shining for others to see. May you be lifted up out of the quagmire of darkness. I ralize that life is not an easy go for anyone. All of us have our "moments" of Murphy's Law, of sadness, heartache, and crap that just goes wrong. Yet, those with "chronic illnesses" and pain have a huge helping of more sorrow than those without in many ways. these illnesses effect every aspect of our lives, from jobs, family, relationships, to just daily living can be a hard thing to do.

I pray all will find that light... and may peace surround us, and the pain, affliction and suffering be eased, now, during the holidays, the New Year and all of the years to come.... Rhia

Losing those so Young to Lupus....

Only 22 years old.... just goes to prove this horrid disease does not discriminate... age, color of skin, race, nationality, gender... rich, poor, all Star, or just an everyday person... it can strike and be deadly... we need a cure desperately so more of us... including 22 year olds with a entire life ahead of them do not have to die from Lupus...

http://lupusresearchinstitute.org/lupus-news/12/11/25/sending-our-condolences-death-nba-coachs-daughter

My Own Holiday Dilemna and Life's Journey...

We had our Thanksgiving with family the weekend before. My daughter and her family got to come up from Corpus Christi and I was so thrilled. We all gathered at my son and his girlfriend's home over in Waxahachie (Indian names) LOL ... it is our county seat about 15 miles away... Jim and I took Mom with us ... so it was the entire family ... I got to finally see my 3 Grand Kids ... the two youngest ones, Logan is 3 and James is 5, going to be 6 in December, then her step daughter who they have raised since she was 2, Heather who is now 15! That seems impossible. My daughter started dating her husband when his daughter was only 2. Now here they are with the two boys, Heather is a teenager, and it all seems like just yesterday. I had said in my blog, that I was kind of sad that Saturday. The two smaller ones, especially Logan really don't know me very well. Since they are so far away, they almost "forget" who Nana is. We only see them 2 or 3 times a year, so it is such a huge deal when we do get to visit. Then Thanksgiving Day, ours was very simple also. After that weekend of my daughter's awesome cooking, we were ready for something not so filling. So we cut up some fresh veggies, and fruit ... got some of that low-calorie cheese spread with crackers, and I made some Rice Krispie treats. We visited my Mom for a couple of hours early afternoon, then came home to watch the Cowboys get their butts stomped, and enjoyed the "finger foods". So, ours was fairly laid back and quiet also. Thank Goodness my oven is fixed!!! Over a week ago, I was baking a cake, and our smoke alarm went off. I ran to the kitchen and we at first could not tell anything was wrong. We do have a new smoke alarm and the damned thing is extremely sensitive, so I figured something had dropped on the foil I keep in their and I had not seen it. It kept trying to go off and suddenly I noticed the very top of my cake looking like it was "broiling", yet it still had like 12 minutes or more to go!!! Well it dawned on me, the oven was staying on fully, and with that temperature like that it was as if the cake were in the broiler. So we turned it off.  I took the cake out, then decided heck it was almost done, and was not burned exactly, so I put it back in the oven and it finished baking LOL!!!!! It was already far enough it had risen, but just needed to cook a little more in the center. Anyway, the freaking thermostat we figured must have gone out!!! Right here at Thanksgiving, of course for us, "Murphy's Law", and we had no idea about getting one. So, we got the model number etc off of the oven, and I did a Google search, and found the manual, and the actual part number. At first the only one I found was over a 100.00! I almost fainted ... but then my favorite shopping place, Amazon, had it for 55.00! But, it was of course too late for the holiday, but it worked out my daughter did most of the cooking, and I took stuff I did not need to put in the oven, so we decided to not even cook a huge meal for us, and just do the veggies etc. Then later Thanksgiving afternoon, here comes our next door neighbor's daughter with 2 huge plates of Thanksgiving Dinner after all!!! They had sent turkey, dressing, potatoes, even a piece of pecan pie after all!!! I was already "turkeyed" out ... but Jim enjoyed all of it the next day. :) Anyway, the oven part came yesterday!:) So, Jim found what he thought was the way to put the thermostat in ... which what he found sounded stupid and way to difficult I thought. They had us almost pulling  the burners out etc ... and it just did not sound right. I told him I thought we should be going in through the back, and he almost got pissed at me... LOL!, but I got online and found other instructions that did say part of the thing WAS pulling the BACK off so you could access the thermostat from there, then running the new one through from the front panel that comes off, and to the back, and down through the hole where it goes in the oven. Viola!!! Between the instructions and a little "horse sense" we did get it and I prayed when we turned it on, sure enough; it worked!!! So far so good!  It came on like it should and then turned off when the oven got to the correct temp! LOL! I was shouting THANK YOU GOD!!! All of that, and I was so hoping we had found the issue, the right part, and had put it in correctly...:) I just hope it continues to work... OR a new STOVE will be here dammit. It was a nightmare getting that darned thing in, between his back being so messed up and all of my issues, I thought we both would be in the bed for days after that, well I can't sleep of course, what is new ... and I know his back is once again more painful than usual ... but you know all too well how that goes ... we just have to DIY, do it ourselves, if possible. We would have gone broke having someone come in and repair it ... thus you do what you have to do. Anyway, that has been our "thorn in the side" this past 2 weeks ... along of course with the other crap that goes on with houses, cars, etc.... LOL! Okay I have talked "typed" enough!

Singing out through the "Vocal Soul" of Writing...

As I poet, writer, and even a bit of a "dabbler" into writing song lyrics, I feel I always need to "say" something very special when I write. As that comes to light in my poetry, it is kind of like my tattoo's, each one representing an event, or a realm that was extremely a rare situation for me. I have 8 tattoo's now, and honestly would love to have more. But, due to all of the medications I am on with the Lupus, RA, and so forth, even a very good tattoo artist feared they for one may give me a hard time in healing, plus just due to my thinning skin because of the Predisone and Lupus itself, I may not be happy now with a new tattoo. I was always thrilled with the others, thus after speaking with him, and giving it much thought I decided that was yet another thing taken away from me in my life by illness.
If you are not aware of these types of chronic illnesses, along with all of the medications you take while going through the "slings and arrows" of those, you may not understand just how many seemingly menial and everyday things you used to do, are just not something you may be able to do now. I am sure we often take for granted, (I know I did), everything from a wonderful snow skiing trip, to a new tattoo, to going to Six Flags, heck doing yard work, laying out in the sun, and even washing dishes or getting your hands in dirt potting plants could mean issues with these illnesses. So, now you find that nothing seems "simple" anymore. I must think through just about every damned thing on my "list" I do. Whether it is doing my house work, running errands, going shopping for a day, or an overnight trip to OK to the Casino, you can bet I have to make "extra" steps in order to have everything I need due to my illnesses and pain.
Now, that said, and I am not sure even why I "went" there, I want to get back on the subject I began with... feeling like whatever I write must have a "direction", a meaning, point to something critical, important, and why in my mind it must be a potent potion that seeps into the readers soul and absorbs into the very heartbeat of their life.
I have read a wonderful book on many occasions about this very subject called "Writing Down the Bones", by Natalie Goldberg. she really makes the goal for writers about never being concerned about what you write, but to write!!! As she goes along in her book talking about having journals stacked up everywhere of "junk", "crap", "bad" or what ever you call things you write that are simply something not great by your standards, you write anyway, and everyday. I have been completely in agreement with that most of my life. I have written daily, just about, for 35 years at least. With the exception of times I have been too ill after surgery, etc, whether it be a poem, a piece of "musing", even music lyrics, I write. I also have "journals" full of hand written, what I like to call the "pen and paper of my heart", where I literally love the feel of the pen gliding over the paper and allowing words from your heart and soul to flow like the ink onto a clean white sheet of paper. Honestly, that is my very favorite "way" to write. It seems to cleanse the palette of the soul for me. I feel many of my best works are in those pages and pages of small ninety-nine cent "journals", those small notebooks many of us have with the different color fronts. I have all colors of those and they are filled page after page, some back and front, even in the margins, of my entire life's story... if you read much of those, you would see how I bare my soul, raw and open, bleeding at times, to allow others in so they can witness just how much faith, hope and love I carry around for others.
But, all of a sudden, and I am not sure why, I began to think that if I did not have something of "value" to say, I best not bother to put pen to paper. Why write something I felt was not "good enough" for others to read? Wow, had I either gotten really "stuck on myself", or went the other direction to "lose faith in what my writing meant"? I had made all kinds of excuses in the past couple of years. Now, just due to time constraints (if I ever want to PUBLISH anything, I have to "type" it into the computer), since I would be as slow as the tortoise if I tried to write it in my journal first then transfer that over to the computer, it would be through my eternity and several generations before I could have something all could actually read!!! Yet, I still had made excuses (some very legit) as to why I had not first of all, gathered my poetry (or a small piece of it) and published a book. I used m chronic pain and illness as a scape goat (which was a huge hindrance honestly), thought I was not "good enough", felt I could not find a way to even get it published, was not able to afford it, was plain scared that everyone would think it was horrible and laugh at me, I did not have the tie, I needed to take care of this, that & the other around the house, Mom needed help... boy I had a LOAD of reasons WHY I could NOT get a book out, or my "1st book" out of at least some of my poetry! As I said, some of it very true; illness and severe shoulder and arm pain did really keep me from even being on the computer for almost a year, or even longer (that is when I wrote once again in the paper journals when I felt like it)... yet other were simply what they were, me procrastinating mainly due to fear. I find myself in "fear" of beginning my "book 0 book" as I call it, the ONE that is the main one I want to have published hopefully soon. but, it will be a great deal of work to get all together, and even trying to begin the "1st chapter" often leaves me and my mind totally BLANK!!!
But, when I "changed up my mind" as I said when I was much younger, and made an actual "date" that I would send my 1st poetry book for publication, everything seemed to become crystal clear. Once that very 1st book was on its way to be accepted and printed, my "voice" burst open, and I felt I had so much to say to everyone out there, in the nation, around the globe. I have someting that others want and need to hear. they absolutely need to realize they are wonderful, perfection in their own right, they can have a renewed sense of hope and faith, they can reach for the higher rung, jump up towards that uneven bar of what we call life, take hold and go with it. You are worthy! That is the message, the portion of my soul, my heart, my very entity that I try to give out to those who read my heart's work.

So, I had to STOP thinking I could not write unless I had something "superior" to say, but I can write anytime, any how, any where, whatever it was, I could write it and I needed to do that. Of course as I have grown, evolved, and gained somewhat a tiny bit more wisdom, my writing has also evolved in so many ways. Even though I thought not too long ago I actually LOST my "voice", it had been there all along, waiting for me to pick it back up, and use it, which is great practice. So, wther my "soul" sings out in rhythm, rhyme, and harmony, or it is in the deepest, darkest pits of the brink of "a little unwell and unsettled of mind", or it is elation, honor and glory, music, or just plain old "crap"; all of it serves a purpose.

I am so thrilled to have what has been my best friend through thick and thin... standing right beside me all the way to places unknown or those familiar, my "voice of writing" always remains... faithful and honest!

Rhia November 22 Thanksgiving Day, 2012

Wishing You A Wonderful and Thankful Holiday Season

Yesterday afternoon, I called to check on my Mom. She had lost her house key on one of the local parking lots here after buying groceries, and had to call us to take her the extra one I keep for things such as that. As I spoke to her , the

first thing she said, is "Thank you so much for the beautiful card for Thanksgiving". Of course that made me happy to know first of all she received it (I was running a little late putting them in the mail), but also that it meant enough to her to mention it to me and say thanks. Which of course is what the "season" and the "reason" tomorrow exists. It is for all of us ONE day out of the year to reflect on all of the things we are "thankful" for. So, yes I do send out Thanksgiving Cards, to those I care about, and try to let them know I am truly thankful they are in my life. I send out "physical" cards to my close family, and then for my "extended" family on line, I send out e-cards. I have a very large extended family, and it dawned on me, I really not have a good way to "email" all of you individually with an e card. We can "send messages" to each other, but unless we exchange formal email addresses, we can't send it directly to the people we want to. So, this is my way of saying "THANK YOU" FOR BEING YOU! To each of you that support me, when I am down, out and ill, Thank You, for all that love me just the way I am, Thank You, For all that encourage me to reach beyond and take hold of my dreams, Thank you, for those who have given me so much wonderful feedback on my new book, and who have truly given me a true new reason to write again, Thank You. For every friend here that listens, makes me laugh, makes me cry, provides their love and support often from hundreds or thousands of miles away, Thank you... For this huge community that we call "Face Book" that allows us to meet many, friend many, find out information, provide hope, faith, love and light when others need it so badly, Thank You... and for each and every day that I am able to sit in this chair and share my life with all of you... I am so very Thankful.... I bid you, your families, friends, and to your extended family, A Wondrous, Thankful, and Bountiful Thanksgiving Day! And, may we all be "Thankful" all of the other days of the year for all we are fortunate to receive! xoxox Love you, Rhiannon

News and Updated on "Ramblings"...

We will also be donating a copy or two of my new book "Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul" to our local library. I am going to see if they will allow a book reading, which I believe they do there also. I have thought about also giving one to my High School library, since I was an Editorial writer there for our newspaper and a couple of my teachers in Jr. High and High School were some of the encouraging reasons why I continued to write to this day. They really lifted me up about my early works back then. I have never forgotten some of those things, and also the great feedback I got off of some of my Editorials! I remember writing about our old parking lot at the high school. It was so full of pot holes you could lose your car in them! So, I did a story about having the school get those fixed. I used to have copies of some of the articles, but after so many shuffles around, moving and so forth, they I believe got left behind when I moved up to Seattle WA, which sucks. I wished now I had left them at my Mom's in her cedar chest. But, hind sight as they say is always "20-20"! But, never the less all of those things still live inside of me as great memories, where they shall last an eternity. I think Jim is going to get the information to our local newspaper, and they also do a monthly nice little magazine for our area, and I hope to get an article printed in both of those if possible. My Mom really is so excited and wants to let all of our relatives know, but since she does not get out of the house a great deal, other than grocery shopping and errands, or going with me somewhere, she would love for me to have it in the paper where other relatives can see it. I am finally getting some cards made up and on the way, that can be given out to those I see and want to let them know how to view it online. So, my "marketing" is coming along, slowly, but a little at a time. I appreciate all of the wonderful ideas I keep getting, and again thanks for being such an appreciative and encouraging bunch of friends and as an "audience"... Rhia

Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul "Amazon", Face Book & "Likes"

If you have a chance to go to Amazon and read some of my poetry since it is now up on the "Look Inside" where you can ,please also click the "like" button for FB there(it does not record the "Likes" from my FB page TO the Amazon page. It has to be liking it in "Amazon" first, or please give me a rating of what you think about my poetry, if you have an opinion I would love to know.:) I know it took Amazon a while to get that part up so you could all see the titles and some of

the poems, but hopefully now you can really know what I write and have an idea of some of my works. This is just one small portion of a "sea" full of emotions and feelings I write about. I hope to put another book out from 6 months to a year from now!!:) I may do another poetry book first before I put my "musings/prose book, or my kind of "autobiography" it... you really would not call it a total autobiography per se', and I am not really sure exactly what "category" it will fit in. It will not be fiction, and will be all facts, but it will also include other things besides just "my story" I guess I am trying to say. LOL!!! They will prbably have to "invent" a new "category" for my book...I NEVER do anything like the "rules" say!:):) Anyway, that is a while down the line and before I make it there, I have lots of work to do ahead to get more out for all of you to enjoy. :):) Please keep encouraging me if you wish, I really need to "feel" like I am helping others and giving them some light in their lives... for that is my main purpose for any of this, it to help touch the reader and allow them to feel the warmth and the faith, passion and hope of life!

Rhia's Bio and Amazon and Book Pages

"Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul"- Brush Strokes of Life In Words now has "Look Inside" up on Amazon!!!

IT IS UP NOW!!! The "Look Inside" on amazon for Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul - Brush Strokes of Life In Words now has where you can see inside aand view some of my poetry!!! Go to this URL, click the book and "Look Inside" You will see "Surprise ME!" When you click it, a new poem will come up each time!!! I am so thrilled you can finally see some of my works!!!!
 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Ramblings-Seasoned-Soul-Brush-Strokes/dp/1461061946/ref=la_B009Z901AG_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353356199&sr=1-1

Autoimmune Illnesses - MS, Lupus RA and More (LIGHT) possibly on a cure to come...

I read this today and it sounds so promising. I wanted to share it with you.

http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/11/18/15246299-new-approach-could-treat-ms-other-autoimmune-diseases?lite

Families, Holidays and Being Far Away from One Another...

We had a wonderful visit with my daughter, her husband, and my Grand Daughter and 2 Grandsons on Saturday! We also so enjoyed being at my son's "Better Half"(I am just kidding, but she is a wonderful lady and we are happy to have her in the family) :):) at their home, in which they were gracious enough to host the early Thanksgiving Dinner there. Everything was just incredible. My daughter is an excellent cook, and did a great job with it all. My son in law did a "deep fried" turkey!!! It was delicious! Definitely a new treat to add to the menu as the menu kept growing when we got it all ready. My daughter did most of the cooking, and my Mom slipped in a pecan pie, and I took my son's favorite the banana pudding I make that is richer than rich! I also had my husband do the mashed potatoes. He is famous for his secret ingredient he puts in them... LOL ...between sweet potato casserole, and I did make some home made cranberry salad, a ham, stuffing, rolls, gravy, regular cranberry sauce, and my daughter had also brought her famous pumpkin roll which was absolutely to die for. I think she had orders for 15 last week and already has another 25 or more orders waiting on her when they get back home, which is down South around Corpus Christi. That is what made it so special. We jut don't get to visit as much as we would love, and being able to really have everyone of us in the same home, at the same time together is a special treat. I know my Dad was looking down on us and smiling. He would have really enjoyed all of the food for sure. It was the perfect "holiday" before the holiday, and my only regret is that they could not stay longer. They have the kids to get back in school for part of the week, and of course everything else that goes along with taking care of the family. By the way my son's girlfriend has one monstrosity of a "tournament" sized pool table that they played a few games on before we left to come home!! It is a beauty to say the least!!! She loves to play, and plays on a league, so she really has something to practice on for sure. As always, it is difficult to see them go. It seems we never get enough time to really visit like we would like to. I realized it so much when I was talking to my two Grandson's. One is 5, going to be 6(I believe) and one is 3. I realized when I talked with them, they have been around me so very little due to the distance between us, that they don't "know" me. Not like they would if they lived closer where I was around them more. It kind of "got" to me, when I saw that they almost feel like I am more of a stranger just due to them being smaller and me being not around much... they are not used to having me around them. But, life is life. We must do some things, like live further apart than we wished.. because we must also do what we have to for our own families etc. Yet, even with that I tried to take in every moment and thoroughly enjoy them:):):)!!!!