Many months back, I began to think about the ways "humans" treat
other "humans". Within our daily normal walk of life, we usually
encounter many people. If we have children, are employed, or run
errands, pay bills, go shopping, or anything that requires being out of
the house, we more than likely see someone that we have an opportunity
to speak to. Neighbors are probably our closest as far as having a
conversation. If you have people living right next door to you, and you
are not far out in the country without close neighbors, I would say you
see them in their yards, picking up the paper, watering, washing their
car, taking their kids to school, going to work, and so forth. Thus you
have ample opportunity to get to know or at least be somewhat familiar
with who lives beside you, or possibly on each side, like us, as well as
a couple of the homes across the street. We know all of them. Now, this
does not mean we have dinners together, or visit on Saturdays, but we
all know one another well enough to be of help to each other in an
emergency, or to say hello. If one of them have been ill, or are
chronically ill, we also know them well enough to be able to ask how
that person, or persons are doing. If they are elderly neighbors, for
them, often times, it is even more important for them to know their
neighbors. They also could have an emergency with illness, be locked out
of the house, etc. and need a helping hand. If you have lived where you
do for any length of time, think about how well you know those who live
closest to you. Do you know their names, their ages, if they have kids
or are they elderly, possibly living alone? D you know if their is a
chronically disabled or ill person living close by? If you have no clue
who your neighbors are, and you have lived in that same place for years,
then you should definitely introduce yourself. Make an extra effort to
at least speak when you see each other. You might be surprised what a
smile and a good morning could bring into your life, and theirs as well.
After
that spiel, I will now get down to the "brass tacks" of what my example
above is all about. That is the fact people in general "lack"
compassion anymore. Their is a lack of several different types of the
way human treat other humans, from empathy, sympathy, greediness,
patience, kindness, lying, uncaring and the list goes on. I have been on
the band wagon of the lack of compassion I see in people these days, as
well as the severe "greed" we see in this country, as well as the
entire world now. It used to be that people helped others. Whether, as I
was talking about above, neighbors helped neighbors, whether it was
building a barn, or having a dinner, and towns were full of
compassionate people that truly had a heart and cared for their fellow
townspeople. Right now, even if you live in a small community, I would
bet you could tell me you do not know all of your neighbors, you have
not said "Good Morning" to a totally complete stranger in months. Maybe I
am wrong about you, but I can tell you that I see more people tat
seemed to be so totally "spaced" out when they are in the stores, I
think the President or a famous singer could walk by and they would not
notice. Even in this small community, you can go into our largest market
here (and for the most part everyone recognizes one another, BUT the
checkers for the most part could not say whether certain people came in,
dressed "out of character", or had their hair dye funny or was some
type of "celebrity". They have been "trained", almost brain washed into
saying "Hello", or "Good Morning", or "Have a Good Day", yet who they
said it to would be another story. I have heard of famous singers
stopping in small town markets and going in themselves, yet not one
person looked enough at them to know who they were. It is not just the
checkers at the market, so I don't mean to pick on them. But, they are a
very good example of the whole process of not really "caring" or being
compassionate, or truly knowing who you are speaking to. Yet, we see it
all over. I know I am "the pot" calling the kettle black, so to speak. I
am sure I do it at times to. Yet, most of the time I DO pay attention
to who I speak with, what they say, who could be with them, how they are
dressed, even down to what is in their basket, say we are in
Wally-World...
For me I am a people "watcher", and I do NOT mean
in some WEIRD way. I just really enjoy seeing people the things they do
and don't do, the way they dress, what they might put in their carts,
how nice they are, or how "sulled up" they seem, and unfriendly. I find
humans to be extremely interesting creatures. From the way we talk,
dress, what we buy, eat, drive and many other things we can see about
one another is a very amazing thing to me. I think that is a very huge
piece of the steps to being compassionate to others. If you do not "SEE"
they are in pain, or have a bandage, brace, or incision visible, or if
you are not really "listening" to what someone tells yo, you certainly
cannot be compassionate to their feelings and needs. For instance, when I
have had my surgeries, like my 4 level cervical neck surgery about 15
weeks ago, I made sure, even though I did not have to wear it, that I
put my hard collar on to go into any of our bigger stores. Without some
kind of "sign" and at times they do not even notice that, people will
run over you, stand in your way, run into your basket, not help to take
your sacks to your car, etc. So, in order to be "safe", I wore that
collar for weeks when I drove, or went out shopping anywhere. Same way
with my knee surgeries and so forth. Even though I am NOT looking for
"Sympathy" or for someone to feel sorry for me, what I am looking for is
the decency to see I am "disabled" and I do need to be treated more
carefully. But, honestly, we should all EXPECT to be treated with
decency and kindness! WE should feel people should say "excuse me" or
"pardon me", or "I am sorry", and things like "Thank you", "Hope you
feel better soon", and the list of short, a few word sentences to even
strangers out in the world, should all be given "compassion", and feel
they are "worth" it.
I see people that don't hold a door open for
someone, or ask them if they need help with something off of a shelf,
if they maybe in need of assistance. And that also goes two ways, we
should RESPECT those who do check us out, sack our items, possibly take
them out to our car, work in gas stations, and so forth. IF they treat
us with kindness, we should reciprocate for sure.
I can honestly
walk by and see the look on certain faces of people and know what kind
of mood they are in, whether they are a pleasant person, or crabby,
stern or kind, and the list goes on. I don't really think of it as a
"6th sense" but more really observing people my entire life.
When
it comes to compassion that we that are chronically ill or in pain
would appreciate, is the fact that those who KNOW we are ill, checking
on us, if we do not have immediate help around us. Maybe a quick email,
or a phone call, to say hello and ask they need anything. If someone is
in a brace, for their neck, legs, back, etc, give them a little extra
room, and extra time to walk around in a store. Or if you see someone
moving slowly or holding onto a basket, more than likely they could have
a chronic pain day, or a flare with FM, Lupus or RA. Or if someone
seems to be squinting, maybe putting their hands to their heads, or
general symptoms of a headache, backache, etc., if nothing else tell
them you hoot they get well soon, or feel better soon. I know we can
make up all kinds of excuses, and there are so many of us chronically
ill or in pain or both, that get completely shunned from not only
friends, but worse... their family! Family members sometimes "do not
believe" a loved one is so ill. The number one thing I hear is "well you
don't look sick"??? Well, just because you have a very serious, chronic
illness or pain, does not mean you must look like "hell" all of the
time. We do have days that we feel "more human" than others. Also, the
family tends to get mad because we can't help them out as much, or maybe
do need a hand with certain things. Well, that takes up "their"
precious time. Why is one person's time any ore precious than the
others? We each are given the exact number of minutes in any given day.
So, mine are just as important as the next person's. Whether they be a
"professional", like doctors, who are the world's worst about thinking
THEIR time is more important than the patients time. Or people that
drive, running red lights, stop signs, talk on cell phones, text or
whatever they do, and can cause a serious accident, because being a
minute late is more important. I would much rather be a few minutes late
than run over someone and injure or kill them. So, a few minutes late
is not worth ruining your life and someone else's also. So, those that
have a severe "lack" in the department of compassion for humans in
general, surely are going to be even less in the same department to
someone who is disabled. I find when you see someone with a "sour" look
on their face, you can sometimes just say, I like your dress, or a piece
of jewelry, or you could tell them Hello, or just make eye contact and
smile with them. You would be surprised how people's entire day is
better because you took a moment to smile at them. Little things can
move huge mountains. People have a need to feel "special". Whether they
admit it or not, they want someone to respect them, notice them, or just
say something nice to them.
I can tell you from personal
experience as a woman with chronic illnesses and chronic pain issues,
that I already face a huge amount of shame and guilt at times. When we
are on a cane, or parking in a disabled parking space, or maybe we have a
brace on our neck or are just going slowly due to pain, stiffness and
so forth, we feel everyone staring at us, and feel that people do not
believe we are really ill. I can also say that being disabled is
something for the most part we try to "hide" our physical problems. We
put a smile on no matter how bad the pain is, we try to "walk normally",
and put on our "best" behavior outside our home. I don't want someone
feeling "sorry" for me at all. BUT, it is appreciated if just in looking
at you, they show in their eyes some compassion.
The next time
someone who "appears to look young", or looks like they are "not ill or
disabled" is parked in a handicapped zone, but gets out of the car
looking "fine", please think BEFORE thinking your first thought! More
than likely they are ill, but you may not see just how badly. For
instance, I have Lupus, Degenerative Joint and Disc Disease, RA
Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, have just finished having a 4 level
cervical disc and fusion surgery, have a shoulder and both knees already
replaced, plus various other issues and surgeries. But, I make "appear
to be well" when you see me out on the street. I could be having one of
my "good" days, or maybe I feel lousy but I just refuse to show it.
So,
the next time you are out and about around town, take a moment to say
hello to a stranger, or greet your neighbor in the yard... or say thanks
to the checker.. maybe hold the door open for someone, but most of all,
really look around to see this world has many people like myself, that
want to have a "normal" life, yet that is not the hand we have been
dealt. Yet, we still would like to have a little understanding and
compassion from friends, neighbors, family and even strangers.
