Just a Quick Hello and more to come.... Wound Care appt(Last) hopefully today and my Rheumatologist appt. so a LONG DAY in DALLAS!

Just wanted to touch base and say "thank you" to ALL that commented on the CDC docket about the Pain Medications. Over 4,000 commented, and I had hoped for more, but I don't think that counts anyone who also "wrote" in, and I am sure some did send letters...

I am headed for Dallas to hopefully do the final visit to the Wound Care people for my abscesses. It got detained due to the pain pump surgery, and the holidays, so now I have that and my Rheumatologist appt both today... and I hate having to be gone to Dallas that long... even though one is mid=morning and the other early afternoon, it makes for a long day driving... especially when I am NOT headed to the Win-Star! :)

I hope the hell to be able to go soon. I am so sick and tired of either cleaning, cooking, being ill, having surgery, getting over surgery.... taking care of doctors stuff, insurance stuff.... and seeing doctors... I am ready for a break, even if for a day.... hopefully overnight....


Anyway, I wanted to stop in, and say that I am here, been somewhat busy and also under the weather this week a bit.... not sure other than I've been exhausted... but after running a high temp all weekend last weekend, I feel like that and everything else contributed to it all...

More over the weekend....

More about Wound Care Specialists, Severe Pain that is driving me about insane, too much to do, Mom and what I fear is dementia or Alzheimer's & as always more.....

At this moment my Mother does not know just how upset I am with her. But, I totally intend to tell her today! After she had the issues with her stomach, and some intestinal issues, she lost some weight, because she just would NOT eat! I mean she went for DAYS and would barely eat or drink anything! I took Ensure over there, took everything I could think of, suggested everything I could possibly suggest, and finally took her to our PCP who put her on medication to "increase" her appetite, and some new medication they are using for chronic constipation, especially from certain medications. She has a lumbar spine issue, and had been on NSAID's. That has been going on for months, and the pain specialist even gave her Norco to take every 6 hours when needed. Which at first she refused to take, until the NSAID"S caused kidney output issues, that sent her to a Nephrologist, who took her off NSAID's (which our PCP has already done) and cut back her Lasix some temporarily until she had a kidney sonogram, which has been done last week, and more blood work on Monday next week. Then she follows up with him the first week in December. I feel things will return to normal. I feel it was the generic Celebrex that caused the issues, and now her kidney functions should be fine. But, he made the mistake of coming out and telling her she maybe facing Level 4 "kidney output" which means one step away from dialysis... I had told this before, and how I reprimanded him for even mentioning that word to her before he even knew WHAT was causing the problem, and before he even read the chart from our PCP etc... I was so mad at him... but MOM will NOT ask questions, she will not speak, she just sits there, listens, and then leaves not understanding a word... and having 15 questions, she never asked, and expects ME to figure it out, explain it, and then even at that she is so totally confused, she does not even know "if" she takes her meds now, or "if" she is taking the proper meds at the right dose. I cannot say enough that I have explained, I have a typed out list, of what she takes, when, how much, what it is for, and which doc prescribed it, and she still cannot get it right... she blames the pharmacy but she goes in, takes her "bottles" rather than calling them in BEFORE SHE GOES... and expects them to have them ready immediately even if she has NO REFILLS! Then she gets mad when they cannot get them okayed by the doc right then! I have talked till I am blue in the face, and nothing goes into her thick skull. I spend more time going over there to explain medications, that she cannot get straight... and she will do NOTHING for herself anymore. She won't leave the house for days and days and days, because it's cold, well it is winter! And mu body hates cold weather, and I hurt, am stiff, without my pain pump, with two HOLES in my legs, and I have to MAKE myself, but I get up and move, rather than lay in bed and mope! I even had the doctor put her on antidepressants, she is so totally depressed, and she decided her "breathing" was not right. So, she went in to her cardiologist, that told her the leaky valve was in such good shape now, that she can't even "hear" the leak! She also told her the shortness of breath, the weakness, the stiffness and pain is from having stomach issues, losing weight and muscle too quickly, not eating, and then now not exercising, walking, or something to improve her muscle tone, especially in her thighs... that is why she stays cold all the time, why she feels weak, and walks "slumped over forward"... and she just walks now "shuffling her feet" like she is almost what I see in people with very bad Alzheimer's.... So, Wednesday around noon or so, and had just gotten out of the shower, and my phone rings... my hair was not even dry yet, and she is "mad" again... she let the car sit there for well over a week, and did not even start it and let it run, so the battery was down AGAIN! And she was "out of everything to eat in the house"... so I told her I would finish getting ready, bring the battery charger over, put it on trickle charge and let it sit for a day or so, and I would take her to the store. Well, we get in there, and all she bought was paper towels, toliet paper and facial tissues! Barely anything to eat, but 3 pieces of "salami" she has sliced, and a small loaf of bread... and some already made bisquits and sausage to microwave! I was the one that really did not need much, mainly stuff to clean my dentures, BC powders, more large bandaid's... but I bought more groceries than she did... I bought a ham to put in the freezer, and several other food items... and we got to the front to check out, I looked at her and said, are you now eating paper towels? I thought you said you had nothing in the house to eat? Well, I know what she did... she decided NOT to buy what she really needed, because she was upset over the car not starting, and decided she would not buy all of what she needed at the time... which was totally stupid... here she was, did not even have to carry any of it in... I could help her, and griped the entire time about how heavy a 2 liter coke was, and how everything is too heavy to carry in... it took me only 5 years to finally convince her to use the reusable grocery bags... that are so much easier, hold stuff better, with handles, and you don't have 50 tiny plastic bags that hold nothing to try and deal with... anyway, I had already TOLD her at least FIVE TIMES that I had the appointment yesterday, in Duncanville, with the wound care specialist... and even though I had some idea what they would do, as far as debriding the abscesses... I was not totally sure, and had no clue how long I would be there etc... I never "asked" her to go, but she knew it was a new doctor, something I had never been through before, up in the Dallas area... etc... so even when I left her house Wed. afternoon again I reminded her of the appt the next day at 1PM in Duncanville... I could tell she was NOT going to offer to go... hell she did not even want to go to the grocery store, so I knew her not saying anything was her way of saying I don't want to go with you... but I called her about 11:30 yesterday morning. I was leaving at noon... to tell her I was leaving, and it maybe later that evening before I could take the charger off the car, or even today, Friday before I would get over... well, when I called SHE WAS STILL IN BED!!!! Again for over a week, she stays in bed until almost NOON! She never did that before! She was always up fairly early, may lay back down for a bit if it was too early, but she would get up, bake, do things around the house, and so forth.. she may sit for a time, but she was usually up and about for at least part of the day... now all she does it stay in bed and gripe because her back hurts so bad.. but will not take the pain meds as she can to help with the pain, and then will admit if she "gets up and stirs" around the pain is "better".... but yet, she was still in the bed after 11:30 in the morning... and then had the nerve to tell me, SHE DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE APPT. she "thought" I was going back to the "surgeon" in Waxahachie!!!! She knew that was NOT true! I had told her when my PCP wanted me to go, what I was going to do and see, a wound care specialist, and she had been told numerous times it meant going to Dallas... so then I don't get home until after 4 yesterday afternoon... so I change, say hello to Bub's, and get things back in order and then call her to tell her, I was not going to mess with the battery thing until today... it was late, I was totally exhausted, and she did not need the car yesterday afternoon anyway... and again, she said, I think I have been "out of it"... I did not know you were going to Dallas, to this specialist... and I said YES, you are out of it, and YOU DID KNOW, because I told you a half dozen times, including Wednesday afternoon, again... that I had to go the next day and be there at 1PM.. and it was in Duncanville... and then she said something about sleeping so much, and again I told her that she is suffering from "disuse syndrome" and that staying in the bed and NOT DOING as her doctors have told her only makes her more weak, feel more pain, and worse health wise and mental wise... and then she said, "well I have nothing to do"... BULL, she is always able to find something to do around the house, she could have been up, dressed and went with me, and at least got out of the house, rather than sleep till noon, and then gripe because she is cooped up, cold, and weak, and in pain.... anyway, I just bit my tongue on the phone, but I totally intend on giving her a good talking to today when I go over... this is totally stupid... to all of a sudden lay down and decide to just give up and wallow around in your own self pity... anyway, I guess I should not post this here, but I am sick of her playing me and I spend more time messing with her stuff, and don't think I resent it, I moved back here to "help her".., BUT not everything... not all that she suddenly has decided she can't do... I already do enough almost daily for her, and the rest (she even decided it is too much trouble to go to church)... my Grandmother went to church everyday, without fail with her sister... so going to Mass on Sunday morning, certainly is not something she can't do anymore... that is just an excuse... okay... well enough griping and being disgusted with her attitude... I have my own stuff to do... I still have to try and see about this bracket on the ceiling fan, along with a billion other things I need to do... more later guys and gals....

More on Mom, pain, and wondering if I am LOSING MY MIND!
I saw it again yesterday... I "told her" 3 times about blood work she needs to have done "Monday"... and when I got up to leave, she said, I can go by myself "tomorrow" to have the blood work done... and we had JUST discussed it was "Friday"! I turned to her ad said, well if you think they are open on Saturday, I guess that would be fine.. and then I said "Mom, you can't even keep up with the days of the week, or what time it is, I am not sure you can go to have lab work done yourself... besides I had JUST ALSO TOLD HER that I had the ORDERS for it! Sometimes it is so frustrating also... because I just feel like I repeat and repeat and remind, and she still just does NOT get it. I walked in yesterday, and she was "looking" for something. I asked her what she was looking for, and she said you know the "stuff" for... and began to make a "circle" with her fingers... I said the "Meclazine" for vertigo... and she said yes, and I thought I had a whole new bottle.. I looked up and it was sitting on the kitchen cabinet... and I pointed and said hey, there it is right there... and she said I don't recall putting it there.... I did not know whether to feel badly, or be just plain mad... honestly... it gets very old... very quickly, and with my own health issues at this moment, and honestly my PAIN LEVEL EXCEEDS "10" at this time, and it about 80!!! if that was on the chart... everything on me hurts today... everything. and my pain meds did not come in yesterday, which concerns me, because the nurse at my docs office called Thursday afternoon and said she got them to the pharmacy... and they usually get those mailed out that same day, unless she did it very LATE in the day, as she does sometimes I think just to be an "arse" to put it bluntly.... so hopefully they will be here today, I will be out of the strongest ones by Monday morning, really Sunday night.. she always does that too, knowing that they come to me from a pharmacy in Dallas, she will cut it to the very last moment, and you pray you don't run out before your new script arrives... it is sometimes just frustrating... LOL... I guess I am a bit upset over everything today.... I have SO MUCH to do, and I hurt so badly, everything I try to do is just so difficult to contend with... my pain level has not been this bad in a long time, but it is surely making up for it right now...

Moving Past "Loss", now I face another specialist, a "wound care specialist" and trying to survive from autoimmune illnesses, and all that comes with it.... more also about the accident...

There were a couple of my friends who posted on FB to me, and this is what I wrote there in regard to some of the things they mentioned... in the days to come, I will reveal much more about this accident that has totally destroyed more lives than anyone knows... and how I see that in the end, those who harm others knowingly, and then lie and cheat... later do get what they deserve... and as from personal experience, I never have to do anything... life takes care of those people in its own way and time.....


I almost feel like I've had to "begin a new day of my life" over and over and over again, almost like "Groundhog Day" the movie... where each morning you wake up, wanting things to be different, to move ahead, to break from the stagnation of all of the bad stuff, the illnesses, the sadness, the grief, the loss, yet it remains... I am trying so hard to get well! I desperately want to get a new pup for myself and for my Chiweenie Bub's.. He is just now beginning to show signs of being "happy" again. He is eating much better, he is bringing me his toys, like last night, he brought me one of his latest "babies", I have called them their babies... and he wanted me to play with him... he had not done that for months and months... between Jim leaving so suddenly, then us losing my Pug Tazzy, who even though at times they appeared to be a bit of rivals, he misses her so much.... and he also "fears" I will leave and not come back. I see it in his eyes, when I tell him I have to run errands, and I will be back soon.. and then when I come home, his is almost crying, standing at the door, and I can tell he is so relieved I am home again... I've really tried to give him even much more love and attention that before.... just so he knows I am not leaving him.... but I feel with the right new "fur-kid" he will once again have a playmate, and someone here to keep him occupied when I have to run errands.... and that of course is just the "top" layer of many layers of life... almost like these two "holes" in my thighs... so many "top layers" of my skin look like they have "eroded" - and it is one frightening sight to say the least... I am also extremely concerned about Jim and his own mental and emotional state, after such a terrible let down with the trial.... ALL OF US AGREE even our lawyer that their were "lies", "people were paid off" to lie, and the driver and owner LIED under oath.... and then I still question the "jury"... there was something terribly wrong with them... I saw it, and I was only there a couple of hours... but I saw it in their faces, and it was almost as if they had made their minds up even before the trial began... a "corporation" again us "individuals" and if they are "dirty" then they could care less about the lives that have been destroyed by their own employees recklessness on the road, his driving while TALKING ON A CELL PHONE, and on so much more... BUT THEY have to live with themselves every day... and if they have any "heart" and maybe they just do not... it will be a burden they carry around forever and to their own graves. I do know from doing a search online about the company, that they have lots of "not satisfied" customers, who say online they have lied and cheated them... so that tells me enough, plus they were TOO SURE through this entire mess, they were not willing to budge an inch, offer a settlement etc... because they PAID OFF people to lie... no way, no how these "so called" witnesses, "seen" that accident, where the car was, whether the hood flew up or not, and I've said it all along.... those people were "found" before I even got the police report and paid to lie... I know it in my heart, I just cannot prove it.... so let them stew in their own deceit... what goes around.... definitely shall come around... I have watched it happen way too many times... I never have to do a thing, but sooner or later those who harm others lives, do pay a price....