Do things EVER GET better from here??? Part 1- more to come...

I absolutely know that those directly effected by Hurricane Harvey, along with 2 more, one a category 5 STORM now, and the horrid nature of fires burning our entire Pacific Coastline nearly; along with other natural and man made disasters, we all wonder what the heck is next!?

As the news talks about the horrid events now days, they make it so utterly scary that many of us don't want to even walk out of our homes... between terrorism that comes in small, medium and HUGE FACTORS, how Mother Nature is reeking havoc in almost every state in the USA, and even across the waters into Europe. and the Asian countries, each day I wonder, will it ever get better? Are we just "doomed" to never see the "light" of day again, under all of the horrible things going on?

Our Federal Government is a total mess! That is stating it in a mild way. We are bound if we sit around, and allow it to be in a 3rd War soon, and none of us will be able to afford health care, and as some of us feel, we think the government just soon us "die" than to have to care for those chronically ill or elderly. That is a terrible statement but that is honestly how they come off now when they talk about "Obama" Care, and the ACA, and so forth.

We "used to be" the greatest nation in our world. Yet we are greedy, narcissistic, petty, arguing, not caring, or have no patience or compassion for the many of us suffering, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Oh yes, everyone "comes together" when a huge disaster strikes, but on a daily level, of everyday life, people in general, not ALL but many could care less about their neighbors, people they work with, and even family members, much less strangers off the street.

While the entire world watches, the maniac in No. Korea is pounding and stomping, ready to annihilate our nation and others. I realize that although many wanted the current person as President of our country, I feel now there are those that wished they had not made that decision. He has no tact, he didn't in the running, he has no "people skills" and relies on his "team" that keeps either leaving or getting fired to "mop up his mess". How we can sit around and allow our President to "tweet" just anything he "feels" at the moment is beyond my comprehension. People griped about Hillary's emails" - well as far as I am concerned, what the "current" Leader of our nation does daily trumps (love it the word play there) LOL!  .. any email Hillary ever had compromised....

From the insurance ordeal, to him making more "enemies", to his "brushing" off the common daily person, with his attitude, to how he continues to cause this nation to possibly be in an all out war... he is just a train wreck waiting to happen.

"We" as a nation, seem to live now in one type of horror, or more than one these days. Whether it be physical illnesses, often chronic, acute health issues requiring emergent care, getting robbed, having some type of "terrorism" so close to us, knowing that there are those that just as soon "completely rid" the world of our country's people, high prices, and less wages... we live now in a society that nothing is ever "calm" , without stress, or have days that we are not worried about one thing or the other.

These are times of complications every where we turn. Health care costs are soaring. When a medication that is "necessary" to keep us with a good quality of life, in in the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A MONTH, OR WE MUST JUMP THROUGH HOOPS, anytime we have a health problem/ The days of bullying is at an all time high. Kids no longer can be "kids"... from the time they are very young, we in these days must teach them "how to not be harmed".. whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Now the "bullies" lurk not just face to face, but on the internet, causing so many of our children to be terrorized at a young age. Kids must watch out for those with "guns", knives or other weapons, in the time of their life that those things should not exist.

Surviving - Being a Caretaker even after the person passes away, dealing and coping with loss & still "feeling" someone still having a hold on you from the "grave" - Decisions when you are chronically ill, in pain & trying to make everyone "happy"

I've been trying to "get over" what all has been left behind for me to deal with since June 9th, 2016 - Actually more like the start from about 9 or so years ago, when I came back to TX, to help my Mom.

Most of you that follow me, know I was an only child, my Dad passed away in 2005, and by December 2005, I moved back here from Seattle, to help my Mom. I've talked about due to Dad's upbringing in the "Depression" back in the 20's and 30's Dad's "way" of handling life was much different than those who were younger. Not that he had "bad ideas" but there were many things he could never accept, that were just a part of life, as it evolved and changed.

We each know life does not remain standing still. Each day, there is something new, whether it be something horrible like the "wars" overseas, and innocent lives, even children suffering for no reason but greed from others who want to "rule" over people,

There are also many good things that almost change daily, from cell phones, to technology, jobs, the way our country is ran, and all types of good things that can change within a breath's space.

My life, as well as many of yours have changed, evolved, grown, fallen, gotten up, and tried to march on, even through the pain and suffering, the embarrassmentand the good, bad and indifferent of this world.

Speaking of, our nation and world are in such a torment, chaos and it's hard to fathom other humans can do some of the things they do to those like them, humans. Each day the news seems to worsen over not just all of the overseas fighting, hatred, war, and such, but right here in our nation, each evening, I watch almost in horror of what act of violence has happened that day.

I was left to "take care of" all of Mom's affairs, of course Executrix of her Will/Estate, as you can call it.

Mom had made some really "bad" choices when she was alive. She did some things that as much as I had tried to help, explain, and give her insight along with her financial advisor at the time, to get her to understand, some of what she was trying to choose, could cause family issues someday after she was no longer here.

I never "told" her what to do or not do, but helped her, by explaining why I felt one way or the other, as well as her advisor also helped to guide her into not causing family grief, anymore than we would already have after she had passed away.

I had been here over 10 years, and for most of that time, I helped her with just about  everything, from bills, to putting gas in her car, to helping her and doing her taxes, explaining things she did not understand, you name it, I did it... I am an only child, and I felt it was my responsibility to help her in ALL ways, that I possibly could. I can hope that I did for the most part a decent job at it.

Although a couple of things fell through the cracks, and as I said years ago, NOW, we have a family "uproar".... that although one member "seems" to not be hurt by what has taken place I feel badly that it has, and even more upset that the other 3rd party is NOT helping, and is acting like a damned toddler, rather than a grown up adult.


I am going to go ahead and publish this although it is not finished... I will finish it and post the rest very soon...

May The True Meaning of Easter Bring Faith, Hope, and a Renewed Spirit to you in Celebration of that Stone Rolled Away.....

As we reflect on the true meaning of Easter Sunday, and all of the hope, faith and trust it represents to those who believe, I bid you love, peace within and without, and the joy that the "stone" was rolled away in 3 days. Our very reason for this blessed celebration. We too have our own "stone's that shall be rolled away" and we have that gift of being set free one fine day from all of the pain, hurt, conflict, and what our "human kind" brings... and shall be in a new and glorious body, and where as "Our Father" promised will walk on the streets of gold, and share everything good in that land far away. May you find all of that peace and comfort this Easter Weekend, and walk in a new light knowing in your heart that you too will be set free from our hurt, pain and suffering...

Our world has become such a place of horror, too judgemental, too oppressed again, too full of hate, of cruelty, with lack of respect for any "life". We have so many that lack any type of morality when it comes to the very sanctity of what human life means. Our world has become a place that many of us feel terror, rather than feel freedom to be and do what we feel our lives are here for.... Even though we try and walk in the light knowing none of what here will matter someday, it is difficult NOT to be frightened each day of what some of these hate mongers may do....  

#meaningofEaster  

#stonerolledaway

#Dad2005

So, with hope and a place of peace inside I wish you an Easter filled with all things good... Rhia  

By the way my other thought for tomorrow....

Easter Sunday 2005, was the day my Dad passed away. This is a photo of some of my family at the cemetery. I felt this was an appropriate time to share this once again. Oddly enough, that particular Easter also fell on March 27th, 2005. Miss you and Love you Dad! I know that You and all of the family, along with Tazzy, friends and others await there with open arms for all of us. As much as I wished you were still here, honestly, you are in such a better place. I am thankful that you are not suffering, and  you are not suffering, nor having to witness all of the horrid things of this Earth now.... Love you, "Pammy"

 

 

Thoughts as I ponder my own Health, Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, those that "harm" us, those that have all disregard for human life.. the nation and world in vast and deep trouble...

I put up a couple of new pics earlier on Facebook and I wanted to post them here, and then write about some stuff I've been wanting to write about... lots to do with my own life journey, this river of all too often the "unknown"... we  ... none of us know what the next moment holds... we are not meant to... thus each breath leads to another "surprise" of life... this below is about dealing with illnesses, chronic in nature... Lupus, RA, Heart problems, Sjogrens' the severe pain of them, they tend to try and consume your life, mind, heart and soul... and how then a relationship, although we never know either can literally "suck" the life out of you... before you even know what has happened.... So, I wish each of you, a good life, be safe, love one another every day, every moment... do NOT let a moment pass by that you don't try and make someone else, yourself, or even your "four legged" friends... (I speak of my pups) that you don't love them, and tell them often... 

We never know if we will be shot going down an Interstate, or bombed and terrorized in a church, place to eat, on a job.,, in a market... WE have MANY, MANY Horrible people that spend their life "killing others" and never bat an eye doing it... it is all around, and we hear, read and see is way too much... our NATION and OUR WORLD are in much need of PRAYER, PEACE, AND HARMONY!!! ... YET, too many do not have any regard for human life... I just don't and cannot fathom that they do that in the name of their "god" or whomever they worship.... 

After the SEVERAL what feels like MONTHS the past weeks... I needed to hear something "positive" 　 I have been so totally frustrated with "life" in general... mainly of course illnesses and medical issues. I am still not "completely convinced about this leg being "not infected... but the surgeon I went to has been practicing for many, many years... so I must have faith that he knows what he is looking at. I learned a few things from him by asking questions, especially about MRSA, and what to look for and so on. I am not sure why that even though this lump was "abscessed" is it not "grow" anything. You would assume it being "infected, which is what I "assume" abscess is, that there would be some type of staph, strep, or something that would grow out of that culture. He took two... because I actually had two pockets of abscess from what he said, one not very deep, but the other quite deep into the thigh. I am still taking extremely good care of it, and not going anywhere without it covered and I am still actually covering it with gauze. For one, with the two pups, and then jumping to see me, especially when I sit down in the evenings on the sofa to watch a = movie with the, they both are pawing at me, or putting their heads on my legs etc.. vying for my attention,.... talk about UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! That is what I get from Bub's and Tazzy.... they love me in spite of being ill so much, being not able to sit with them every moment of the day LOL, if I have my makeup on or not, no matter how I am dressed... they love me... too bad I never found a "spouse" that was so committed to me... Yes, I did say that...I am so "fed up" at the moment with people that "commit" themselves supposedly 110% and vow to be there no matter what, yet when the tough times roll around, guess what... GONE... on 60 SECONDS! I was totally "committed" to each and every relationship where I said and vowed to do that. But, as we know it takes TWO!!! I could not do "all the work" and the other party not want to work at it at all... and in fact at the moment I am quite livid in the fact, that I've been deceived, lied to, cheated on, and you name it, and I know that even my neighbors who have known me now 8 years must have been "told" I was the problem!!! They barely even "look" at me... and they were here all the time "before" the other party left for Seattle... so I can't help but think someone said things that make them think I "threw" it all away etc... when I never did such... but after trying to work on it for almost 13 YEARS... between my own health, my Mom, and ALL that I need to do... things that I gave up, in order to make a relationship last, I am SICK of GIVING, and someone else doing all of the TAKING!!!! Plus I am TOO OLD and TOO much water has flown under the bridge, that I shall NEVER "beg" anyone to be with me, or stay, and so forth... I am too disgusted with all of it, to even truly have the stamina to "fight" for someone to be here. I am just as well off, even though I am lonely at times, the pups as I said love me, no matter what... and I've vowed to NEVER again get into any "long term" anything... And no one say "Oh, you will feel differently later..." NO! I won't... I am going to spend the time that I "wasted" on committing to someone who just took full advantage of my tenacity... and put all of that COMMTMENT back into getting myself as well as possible, writing my (or may I say finishing") my 3rd book and getting it published, along with more much more energy into my blog... which is doing fairly well... and into my activist and advocacy work... those things are where my true nature, my passion, my love, and what I feel my life is truly about... and no more will I forego those things to try and make someone else happy.. if they cannot be happy themselves, then I certainly can't make them happy .... I am off to post this on my blog... do a few things I've got to catch up on... I spent yesterday outside a great deal... washed and got most of my car waxed... and got some of the dead limbs and trees down that my neighbor "left" rather than take down as he said he would before he built that UGLY HUGE MONSTROUS WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GARAGE... it is bigger than my house! So, I've got lots of things I have to do for my home and I am already too vested in it to not finish what I began... so as the next moment, hour, day, week, and hopefully YEARS flow... my hopes are to "do" exactly what I feel my true "calling and purpose" here is.....