The Memories of Life BEFORE Chronic Pain & Illnesse"S", thoughts of simpler times, knowing one should NEVER be "complacent" & not share your feelings, all too often "we" lose out

In The World We Now Live In, All Too Often Many Of Us Remember Times that were Simpler, Many of Us Without Chronic Pain and Suffering, not Fighting to Get Into See Physicians, or Fighting to Get Insurance Companies to Pay the Bills. We also Were Not "Surrounded by A Sea of Specialists" Parents and Kids Never had to Be Concerned Over "kids Abusing Drugs", we could Leave Our Windows Open, Our Doors Unlocked, Those Time When a "Mean World" did not exist. You Could Walk down The Street, You could Drive down The Highway, Kids could Play in Their Yards, We were not a Country, And World filled with Violence, Hatred, Bigotry, None a few years ago would have been a "Suicide Bombers" or 'Home Grown" Terrorists; in fact any type" of Terrorists

 

 

Time were filled with good memories, vacations with families, getting together with the Neighbors, Having a "treat" of a Hamburger and Fries on Paydays. Deer Hunting, Fishing, and Our Minds Filled with The Promise of a Brighter Future... now WE LONG for those times that gas was .50 a gallon, and $10.00 would buy enough groceries for a month. We have such gratefulness and I know for myself, a "Longing" to live in "that World" again...

 

I had been "going over" all kinds of memories, good times. lousy times, and all of the "quickness" of how time goes by. My daughter and I were talking on the phone yesterday. She had taken the boys to get school shoes and clothes. She was saying that of course Logan, the youngest, still has a "school supply" list, yet James, who it just dawned on me, my oldest Grandson is going into JR. HIGH SCHOOL this year. So, of course they wait for many of the supplies because the teachers will want different things. That got me to thinking and remembering what seems like just yesterday, that Amanda and Jimbo brought James up from Corpus, he was only about 6 WEEKS old, born on December 6th, 2005. I had really just moved back to Texas, after being in Seattle for almost 5 years, and only had been back myself for about 2 weeks or so.

 

I got to looking at all of the photo's over the years, how little James was, then Logan, who is almost 5 years younger than James, is also getting much older, growing like a weed, and is now I believe 7 and going into the 2nd grade! Heather my Granddaughter, who was only 2 years old when Amanda and Jimbo began seeing one another, is now been out of high school over a year, and is starting on her 2nd year in college, working, and getting ready to go to nursing school probably next spring. As I thought about my years, my hopes, dreams, possibilities, the things I accomplished, things I wished I had accomplished, and that "list of deals, times, events, and yet dreams" of what we "hope" we get to do, before we are "no longer here" on this "plain" and have stepped into another realm. I've been blessed with the incredible children, grown, never was into loads of trouble, drugs, causing problems, both have the high school diploma's and have some college, certificates and so forth. I had a son in law that is that is the most caring, nurturing, loving, comforting, care taking husband, son and Father I believe I've ever known.

 

 My daughter and him met when she was about 15 years old, and as of today, and what will probably be the rest of their lives, that have a stable, happy, loving home, with three incredible kids, and they are blessed, and I am blessed and a better person for my daughter, son and son in law. When I think about how much I "missed out on" from my personal ideology that I so wanted to accomplish, I began pondering that first of all, when I was in school, and for the most part when my kids were in school, there was NOT a great deal of "meanness" of drugs, of those who choose to terrify other kids... life honestly was much simpler, especially when i was in high school. Yet, the very things I felt I would either "do" etc in my own personal life, much I never accomplished. I wanted to be a nurse, and in the medical profession, from the time I was about 13. I began my "writing" at 14, and felt I would be compelled to be a very accomplished author in the time to come. I wanted to travel much more, even overseas to many of the European countries, yet I've only been out of "the states" once, and that was to Mexico. I never even got the chance to go up to British Columbia when I was in Seattle.

 

It happened that I went shortly after 9/11, and things at the borders had really changed. In fact, I never owned a passport. I've seen many of our states, had many vacation from those with my parents, to those that I took my kids on, to those I've been with someone else, and then even by myself, to Austin TX, to Lancaster CA, to Phoenix AZ, been snow skiing, and have had many great experiences, even though I also "missed out" on many, that for one reason or the other, life turned me a new direction, thus I did something else, other than what I "thought I would".... at 57 years old, and suffering from several chronic and severe illnesses and pain, it makes it more difficult that when I was younger and in better health to jump up and spend a weekend in San Antonio, or go to Dallas dancing, or just for a night out on the town...

 

 I still have "some of those dreams" on a list, I don't really like the term "bucket list"... for some reason that just does not sound correct to me... but I have come to see that life is a challenge and LIFE FLIES BY TOO QUICKLY, you blink and you are in college, and you blink again, and you are over 50... pondering over where the time went, and why you did or didn't do some of the things you did. I've had many people over the years ask me how I "withstand" the illnesses and pain... 

 

well "faith" and "hope" along with what little bit of family I have, along with my "fur babies" keep me trudging forward even when i feel like throwing in the towel. So, tell everyone you love, that you love them, every chance you get, never take one moment for "granted" for the next one may not be there, never pass up an opportunity, if you can, to do something you have always wanted to do, be kind to those around you, be courteous to the elderly, those who are suffering, and even if you don't "give financially" giving FROM THE HEART, and with NO expectations, other than it made you feel good to do something... for coming from the heart and soul, is truly blessing someone else. I sit here today, alone, well Peanut is here, but no other "human" - and I do get lonely, I do at times feel that I've "failed" at marriage more than once. But, in my heart of hearts, i do cherish the "love" I've had, have and maybe someday have again.... Thanks to each and everyone of you, that give me a "lift" when this life seems to "weigh me down".... for you are a true blessing yourself....

UPDATE!!!! Pain pump stall, My Mom's health issues and finding out today about this breathing problem and hoping it is NOT her heart valve & dealing with LIFE and Autoimmune everything!!!!

Okay everyone, please PRAY for MOM and MYSELF! She sees the Cardiologist this morning, and I PRAY her shortness of breath is NOT her HEART! She has a very "leaky" valve and I think I explained before why the shortness of breath... and our Cardiologist has had it under control with medications, and her not taking in as much fluid daily... but she has not been well at all over the past 2 months or so... and now her Kidney functions are low, which they were a bit better earlier this week but she still has to see a Nephrologist next week. I am praying the shortness of breath is possibly allergy related, because she does have allergies, like many of us, developed the late in life.... but if it is her heart, it could mean open heart surgery.... AND as far as my pain pump... I am NOT out of the woods yet.... it appears that it "restarted" itself out of the stall on Sunday... which is weird, because the Rep from Medtronic that saw me last Friday, had turned off the alarms, so they would not drive me nuts, but I kept hearing it go off, until Sunday.... but they had turned the medication basically to a minimum so I could take oral pain meds until we do surgery to replace the pump.... SO, yesterday my pain doc... did put my meds back going as they were... and he told me, not to get too excited yet, because it could do this again, and for the next 48 hours or so, I am having to watch it very closely... BUT, he also made a mistake when he reset the pump to send me the meds.... I have an "optional" Bolus every 8 hours... I can give myself an extra amount of medication... well he sat it WAY LOW rather than were it should be.... it was supposed to be 1.001 and he missed the decimal and put it at .1001 which is a HUGE difference... so now my bolus is really not doing a thing for me... that is just nothing compared to what it should be... so I called yesterday and left a message... but I guess I will here back today sometimes.... so between all of that, Mom, and now it looks like this stupid other "lump" on my right thigh is also in the process of going to "abscess"... it is now turning red and appearing like it might... plus I had been running fever off and on for a few days... which I thought was the pump issue causing it, but now I thinking this stupid lump could be the problem... when it rains it comes a flood on my life it seems.... lots of other things also... so there is what I know for now.... I appreciate all of you that are praying for us.... Rhia

"Go Red For Women's Heart Association" Today is the National Wear Red Day!

https://www.facebook.com/goredforwomen?pnref=story

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO SHARE THIS OR SHARE YOUR STORY AND SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT WOMEN'S HEART DISEASE!

IT MEANS A GREAT DEAL TO ME, SINCE I HAVE LIVED THROUGH 2 HEART ATTACKS... ONE AT 40 YEARS OLD AND ANOTHER AT 50... AND I SURELY DON'T WANT A REPEAT OF ANOTHER AT 60 IN A FEW YEARS!!!

Sjogren's - Heart Attack? Severe Dental Caries!

      Sjogren's Heart Attacks & Severe Dental Problems 

 This is something that really shocked me this morning. Due to having Sjogren's as well as already having not just 1 but 2!, Heart attacks I truly wondered WHY there is NEVER much talked out, put in the news about, or for the most part NONE of my PC doctors RARELY if EVER mention it during a visit. I began being very concerned as to why, since I have some really "severe" symptoms, that honestly I feel have been "swept' under the carpet by the medical profession! So, I have been the one who "researches" about Sjogren's, how it effects us that have it, and sometimes having it as a "primary" autoimmune arthritis illness, rather than a "2nd" that goes along with another AI such as Lupus, RA, and the like.

Know the Facts:   http://www.sjogrens.org/

I ALWAYS go in with the "latest" on medications of I have it, from the RA, Lupus, Sjogren's... and so forth. And believe it or not, several of my "suggestions" on what my "research" tells me, I may very well get some positive results from something. IT is the TRUTH, that had it not been for my "Own" research, and "self-education" I would never have been on the Latest medications called "Forteo" which is for osteoporosis. Mine is so BAD, my numbers are practically "off the scale". When I told my Rheumy about it, he immediately said you are a perfect patient that will get benefit from this. It actually does not just "strengthen" what "bone" you may have left BUT it actually helps your body to "re-generate bone"!!!

I have several including this Sjogren's mess. I began to dig, Google, read, ask questions, and try to fine out about it. SJOGREN"S'S si NOT just a case of "dry eyes and mouth"! IT causes your body to NOT be able at all to retain moisture of the mucus membranes throughout the body. So, this is not just a "dry eye and mouth" issue, it can turn into a very serious autoimmune disease issue, causing fatigue, low grade fevers, severe dental caries (rapidly) that must be removed because of the way it effects the teeth. Rather than like a "regular" cavity that begins on the outside of your tooth, Sjogren's begins deep inside the tooth. So, by the time you really know there is a problem that tooth or those teeth are already too far gone to be "repaired". I went with this diagnosis, as 2nd to Lupus, RA, Raynaud's, & a whole host of possible AI illnesses, yet u until about 9 months ago did I begin to suddenly have very severe cavities, that were already bad enough to have eaten holes too large to fill! Many of them would break off at the gum line even if I were not eating anything you might think would cause this. It started with one, and within 6 WEEKS, I had 3 pulled! It just kept getting worse. My fear was that there would more to follow, Just as I expected, after a "panoramic" X-ray of my entire mouth, MOST of my teeth are already too far gone to "repair". The very "few" left, could also begin at any moment, leaving me with NO teeth! It has literally frightened the hell out of me. Here I am, 54, and that is not that old, and my teeth are breaking off & having to be pulled frequently! So, I began asking my own dentist about alternatives, especially with the Sjogren's, and I was told by several, along with my own research, that regular "dentures" would probably not do well, due to the dryness of my mouth. The dentures would not be able to make a kind of "bond" well & they may not stay in place. So, I found out about the "mini implants", of which I am supposed to begin having put in. The procedure takes several months. First of all, it means pulling ALL of your teeth, then making sure the jawbone is healthy enough, and that you have enough of it to "hold" the little "gripper like" metal stubs they put in usually in 4 places, two upper and two lower, that will "snap" the final dentures into place and hold them securely. But, this takes months to accomplish AND it is certainly NOT CHEAP!!!!!

I have went to three dentists, and the estimates vary greatly. I had one that told me it would be something like $15,000!!!! I had another that was a couple thousand less, depending on the bone etc. Then another one told me $8,000,00. Well even that is astronomical, as far as "cash" pay out of pocket! Even though I could fight with my insurance to pay possibly to pay 60%! But that still leaves me 40%! And in order to have my health insurance pay for this, it takes the dentists helping to get something in writing, with diagnosis codes that indicate this is a "health related chronic issue" NOT a dental problem in itself. It is caused by the disease in other words. Well, it also means finding a "true" ORAL SURGEON! This is where I ran into all kinds of red tape and dispute. I come to find MANY dentists now "call themselves" oral surgeons. They take special classes over and above some dentists regular schooling. Those types of classes give them a "certificate" of being able to "do" oral surgery, thus the implants and so forth they can do. BUT, if they are not "fully licensed, fully fledged Oral and Max licensed by the state, before they are considered a "full Oral & Max MD". Of course I have found both, and many I find are the "1st kind". The "say" on the phone, on their websites & in their ad's they do these procedures" BUT they cannot help to give you a form that you can file with your insurance company to get that 60% paid back to you. I've been through phone calls, "so called free" consultations (watch that, it can come back to bite you in the butt), & I saw the "words Oral Surgeon/Surgery" & it is NOT what you need in order for this "chronic medical condition" to get considered a "health problem". Without that or without any type of dental insurance or health insurance. So, you are stuck holding that very outrageous bill, knowing your choices are not many, & trying to figure out how the heck you are going to suddenly pull anywhere from (I even read $25,000.00) yesterday - to $8,000.00 and so forth out of your butt to pay for this!

Fortunately, there is now a "medical/dental" Credit Card, called "CARE CREDIT" that is just like any other credit card. You apply, if they accept, they send you a credit card to use especially for medical/dental issues. And if you pay the procedure out by that allotted time. IF not, you pay monthly payments with interest just like any other credit card. Now, this is definitely a "God Send" for many people. For one, I believe it being something that your dentist can help with, as far as getting you enough "credit" to get a procedure placed on the card. And it is strictly for medical/dental purposes... and I "think I found out things like elective types of stuff such as face lifts, breast augmentations, and so on.

Still even though this "pays" your dentist, you are still going to have to shell out the money in big chunks or monthly installments.   

As you read at the URL below, about Sjogren's and think about just how it, as an Autoimmune Arthritic Illness has been shoved under the rug as I said earlier, I will say for myself, it has been a very "earth shattering" experience for me. I am terrified of having ALL of my teeth pulled!!!!!! YET!, they are cracking, breaking, chipping and falling out a a rapid rate anyway, my choices are slim to none!

AND trust ME, I surely do NOT have that kind of "cash" laying around to just jump into that reclining chair, have a bit of "laughing gas" put on & get all of your teeth jerked out... then spend another 120 PLUS days awaiting for those implanted posts in the jaw bone to properly heal enough so the dentures can be attached and unattached and remain strong in the jawbone.

I urge all with Sjogren's whether primary or 2nd to one of the other AI illnesses, to do your homework on this. I feel many of us have been "left in the dark" way to long on this chronic disease. AND NOW what is EVEN WORSE, we find out that this illness can also have a HIGH chance of causing us heart attacks on top of everything else.

Below is the MedPage URL:        

http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/EULAR/46302?utm_source=cardio-meetings&utm_medium=email&utm_content=mpt&utm_campaign=DCH

"National Wear Red Day" For Women's Awareness about Heart Disease!

DON'T "Stall" JUST GO!!!!

My story is told by the very first of the posters below. I AM A SURVIVOR! Of NOT only ONE heart attack but I am fortunate enough to have SURVIVED TWO!!!! My first one at 40 years old and my 2nd on at 50! I HAVE NO PLANS of "repeating" that process again! PLEASE be aware that all too often the "signs" and "warning symptoms" of an MI for women are so much different than men. I know that is true. My "1st" one, the "warning" I had was my ankles swelling about 2 months before the actual heart attack. I gave it not much thought. I had made a mental note to talk to my doctor next time I went in. Then on January 9th, 2001... after 3 days of a mild "chest discomfort".... I gave my doctor a call... (after a dear friend in Malta threatened to call the ambulance all the way from Malta to Ennis TX to come get me, if I did not do something- and Thank God she said that and Thank God I listened)... I did call... thinking a diagnosis of "bronchitis" or could be a start of pneumonia... so when I spoke to the nurse... she told me to hold a moment... she came back and told me, I needed to stop whatever I was doing, and get to the nearest ER pronto! Well, I still was kind of like "yeah whatever"... here we go to the ER, for a bill I can't pay, and some antibiotics he could have called in.... so, I was ALONE... I got in my car, and drove with the flashers on... 25 miles to the "nearest ER".... and I got out of the car very calmly, walked in and said my doctor sent me because I was having some chest pains... they took one look at me... and rushed me through the doors, into a room... hurriedly getting me into a hospital gown, and quickly getting an IV started, doing a EKG, blood work, chest X-ray... and it was not long until the doctor walked in to tell me I had already had a heart attack, or were in the middle of one... and the blood work indicated I may have massive heart muscle damage. By then they had already given me that 2,500.00 injection to "stop" the heart attack... from causing more heart muscle damage.... talk about in shock.... I was in shock... I was taken the next day after I was stabilized to Baylor in Dallas... where they did all kinds of tests, the nuclear one, an angiogram, where I got to see one of my issues... a rare occurence... the artery coming into my heart was in a spasm... thus part of my issues was that. But, fortunately, I DID NOT have a great deal of damage... some but nothing like they expected. I had gotten to the ER just in time... another 30 minutes and things may have been much different... but I got the medication in time to stop the muscle damage, thus that is why my blood work showed such a very high rate of enzyme levels... not due to the damage, but due to the medication stopping the damage at just the right time!!!! 7 days later, I went home, no stents... with just medication for then.. and up until right at my 50th birthday... I was lucky enough not to have much issues with my heart... although as we have found out since then... I have RA, Lupus, Sjôgren's, along with some other autoimmune issues, that may have contributed to me having a heart attack at 40! I was "fit", walked 5 miles a day everyday or more, watched every bite of food that went into my mouth, was a a perfect weight... and was "doing" everything right... but don't let that fool you either... doing it all "right" still may not "stop" it from happening to you.... so, please DO NOT feel stupid... if YOU FEEL something is "off", or "odd"... you know your body better than anyone... and YOU have some "remote" feeling it maybe your heart... don't wait 3 days like I did! GO THEN to your NEAREST ER!!!! It CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!! By the way, TAKE AN ASPIRIN... do that first, then go... don't stall, just go!!!!