Stressing Out, Trying to Cope, with surgeries,health,family,doctors, and trying to "get over" all that I cannot "fix".... Weather,Chronic Pain,RA,Doctors,Hip surgery & Life

For some reason (and I know partially some of the reasons) I am just in such an odd, feeling like I am just totally forgotten about, crappy mood that I've been trying to "shake" now for a week or more. I know the weather does not help, this HOT one moment, and in a few hours, COLD, dreary, and you need a coat on, and then that makes my entire body almost have this deep ache, especially in my joints. Even the entire leg from the hip all the way to my foot, has an ache to it... and it was not like that right after the surgeries. In fact after it was repaired, I did not have a HUGE amount of pain, but enough I had to take medication to do my PT, etc... 

But now, even again this morning, I woke up to a horrid headache, that then made me sick to my stomach, and I knew better than to drink any coffee if my stomach is nauseated... that just makes it worse. So, I made a cup of hot tea instead and that seemed to help calm my stomach and I took my nausea meds also. then of course although it was sunny yesterday, with the wind it was still really to COOL to do much outside.. So, wake up this morning to not rain yet, but now it has clouded over, and we have a pretty good have of rain or even thunderstorms later this evening, in to tomorrow and maybe rain on Tuesday also. Plus the ordeal with my Surgeons' office Friday left me pissed... I wanted to make sure I had seen him BEFORE going to my Rheumatologist, so I would have the latest X=ray and know how the hip is healing etc. Plus I have a bit of a purple spot, and have had some what I figure is "nerve pain" down that entire leg, but more than likely that is from my back. 

It is still annoying because I get home to find out they rescheduled my appt for the SAME DAY AS MY RHEUMATOLOGIST IN DALLAS!!!! Well, of course that won't work, so now I have to get them to hopefully schedule it BEFORE I go to my Rheumy. because we want to try new medication the RA is getting so much worse, especially in my thumbs, fingers and wrists. My right hand has swollen spots on it almost all the time now or especially if I do lots of things using my hands... from cutting small branches, to washing my car, even driving makes my thumbs and fingers (the 2 next to my thumb) "go to sleep" or be numb. It is annoying plus that tells me the RA is progressing, which is the last thing I need to happen. I've been trying to keep as busy as possible doing cleaning, throwing away stuff that needs to go, taking care of all of my plants, ready to put them outside as soon as I can... a couple of them HATE being inside during the winter and will look like they are going to die while inside.

 I even put my cool mist humidifier in the room and run it several hours a day. Anyway, I have PLENTY to do that can keep me busy, just going through, and as I said throwing away old things, or getting rid of stuff I know I will never use. I keep lots of things (a few certain things not like a hoarder) LOL that I feel may come in handy later. Sure enough there are many times, something comes up and I need a certain thing, then I recall, I put something away,, that may work, and I don't have to buy anything, or run out to the store, etc. But, there are also things I hang onto knowing fully well, they just need to be trashed. I even do that with coupons now. I cut out what I need and throw away the rest. I had been taking them to the girls at Wal-greens, but so many of them are gone, or they may not have small babies that need certain items that I have coupons for etc. I also pitched a couple pair of old sandals. I had been just using them around in the yard during the hot months, but I had basically "glued" them one or twice, the stone kept falling out of another pair, that we worn out, and stuff like "half-slips" OMG I cannot recall the last time I needed any type of "slip" under clothing - Women's clothes are different or they have a liner in them thus no need for a slip etc. And I had a billion samples of all kinds of shampoo, and those types of things, that I had accumulated over 5 or 6 years, and some of it, was just too old, and needed to be trashed. I also have been going through all of my "hand tools"... like for my plants, hand tools for my yard, spades, things like paint brushes, items to work on my windows with, screws, nuts, bolts, nails, sheet rock things, my screwdrivers, cordless drill, and just an entire "collection" of things such as screws, nuts, bolts, I never throw away, I can guarantee I will need one that size later, so I have been putting those in empty pill bottles, I take off the labels and save some to put those types of things in them. I have several bins, many need nose pliers, vice grips, small saws, hammers, and as I said you name it, I have kept them... so they are going to finally be organized and I went ahead and ordered the "cabinet" with doors - so many, of those types of things can be put away, organized, rather than sitting in a couple of boxes on table tops taking up space, and causing me to have to dig through things when i need something. 

BUT, EVEN WITH ALL OF THAT, I GUESS I AM SICK OF FEELING OR BRING ILL, OR NOT FEELING WELL, or "not doing some stuff" until I get another "review" about my hip and foot. I am just frustrated, with myself, with all of the catching up, with stuff I "am not sure" whether I should do or not... which is really stupid. My surgeon told me last time I was there, I could basically "DO" What I FELT I COULD DO... LOL! not things such as sky-diving, or up on a ten-foot ladder painting right now, or trying to pick up things that are too heavy, and that is more for my neck and back, than it is my hip. I do know I've got some pain from the hip that runs down the inside of my thigh, and they say that can be very present, and is likely after a hip fracture and repair.

 I am also using muscles that were not used for 6 weeks or more... while I was in the hospital and them Rehab Inpatient PT. But, they really were giving me a workout in PT honestly. So, I am avidly doing my ankle and foot exercises, and I make sure I do them with both legs, so both feel strong. I had sprained the left ankle a couple of times also, and due to the flat feet, that tendency to "re--sprain" or for those muscles and tendons to be loose is probably there in that foot too. Right now, I am just having to MAKE MYSELF SIT HERE AND TYPE!!!! It makes my neck and shoulders hurt if I type for very long, a well as my thumbs,fingers and wrists. I guess in "wrapping" up this ongoing FB post, I will close with I know MANY of us are going through the same thing. But, I think I expected "more out of myself" than where I am.

I also felt I would be more "settled" with all of the medical things, so I could get my neck fixed... I know I probably face lower back surgery, especially since we found out I had that "missing lamina" that they feel I was that way, without it there in that area, and I know my discs there are not good either... and even though it's been 8 months or so since Mom passed away, I am still dealing with her, paperwork and stuff, but also that I still in ways grieve for her, and find myself almost "LOST" with her no longer around. I catch myself thinking "I should call Mom and tell her, this, that or the other"... then it dawns on me, that she is not "reachable" from here anymore... so LOTS of "stuff" even more than I've poured out here is causing me to really have a great deal of "stress" that some is really useless... if I can't "fix" it then I should not stress over it....