Texas - And Violence too Close for Comfort just up the road, and an Officer from a Neighboring Town

It seems that no matter where we turn there is little peace on this Earth anymore. We continue to see more violence, more rage, more terrorism, whether from afar or from "home grown" people that sometimes I feel "give up" on the faith of humanity. I realize that ALL of us have a place in us that can "get to the place we have had more than we can take"... I've been there as far as illness, chronic pain, and then watching my own Mom pass away of something horrible that took her within just a few short months... actually weeks honestly. Yet, somewhere we MUST reach DEEPER within ourselves, and FARTHER into our own faith to know, that violence and harm to others is NOT the answer, it just makes things worse for everyone.... it's hard to fathom that "humans" can take the lives of other "humans" yet it is all around us, from small towns like mine to huge towns like Dallas and all over this nation and the world. Answers? None of us have really have "answers" other than trying to "hold onto" what we feel is right from wrong, and what we have been promised by our own "Higherpower"... Lord bless and look down upon all of those families, friends, and co-workers that have lost so much... this will impact many, many right here in our own community, as well as others.... May they find some "peace and understanding" through the wake of such horrific violence.

Ongoing Lupus, RA, trying to cope with Loss of my Aunt, and all that is so complex when you are fighting a chronic illness/pain issue, dealing with stress, surgeries, and grief

Life can be so awesome one moment, and tragic the next. My Aunt Geri, Moms last living sibling, her younger sister passed away yesterday afternoon after battling a rare form of stomach/intestinal cancer now for a long while. I believe it has been at least 3 years, if I am remembering correctly. She went through lots of chemo therapy, but we knew for one it was not operable, and two the doctors had already said that it was terminal. Yet, for the Grace of God, she lived to see her first Great Grand daughter born, and then some. She lives up in Mesquite, so we don't have any details at the moment. Even though her family, along with my Mom and I knew it was coming, you are never really prepared for something like this. Especially with Mom and her lower back issues, and all we have been through and are still dealing with, plus my own issues with my back, needing surgery, then things getting complicated with me contracting cellulitis, no 3 weeks of antibiotics later and the lump remains on my thigh under the skin. When I saw the doctor Friday, he said if this last round of antibiotics does not show signs of going away this, then I will need to see a surgeon, have the lump removed, and then they can determine exactly what it is. It has now gone from being about the size of a silver dollar, kind of a bit hard, but never feverish, red, and nothing ever burst through the skin, like you would assume cellulitis would. That is kind of the reason why he and myself are baffled as to why it remains. It has now turned into being about the size of a quarter but very hard, sore to the touch, plus I developed another lump on my right leg, that is almost in that same spot, just on top of my right thigh, and almost exactly across from the other one. It is not nearly as large, about the size of a pencil eraser, but sore to the touch, and like the other one pretty hard, and does not move around under the skin. At the very first, before I even knew what it was, it was a bit softer, and it kind of moved around underneath the skin when I would try to check out how large it was. Then of course, I had ran out of Orencia - now I guess it has been about 4 to 5 weeks ago. I had issues getting the insurance to get off their butts.. I needed a new script from the doctor, which they received, so I thought they were going to fill it and send the meds to me as usual. Well, after going another week, no call and no medication, I called them. I found out yes, they had the new script, and even though i had already asked for it to be refilled before they got the new one, they did not fill it. Instead they were waiting on me to call back and ask for it to be shipped. In the meantime the lump formed, all of the other stuff came up with both Mom and myself, so I have not had any Orencia in weeks. I feared my last couple of injections may have been contaminated somehow and caused the cellulitis. I am supposed to be on Xeljanz anyway, did the blood work and labs, then the TB lab test came back indecisive, thus I still have not been able to have the chest X ray ... I was hoping to do that last week, then I came down with the stomach bug, and I am still not completely over something with my stomach. I am still somewhat nauseated, which I contribute to the heat, already being sick, a headache, all of the stress about my Mom, my own things such as the back surgery, and so forth. So, now my fingers on both hands, and in between my fingers are swollen, my knuckles really don't want to work correctly and I am having hell with the RA in both hands and wrists. I have always had some issues with them, but more in both thumbs. I have not been able to get the swelling down, and just trying to open a bottle of coke or anything is so painful, plus my grip is really bad right now... and then my darned keyboard that I love... it is solar, seems to be going out on me, thus this one sucks and does not even allow me to do a hyphen or quotation mark, and It is really irking me to no end...PLEASE continue to keep my Mom, and the family in your thoughts and prayers... as I had posted before, this is Moms last sibling, she has lost both parents, a brother, a sister in law... and most of the family on both my Grandfather and Grandmothers side.. of course we lost Dad in 2005... and am sure that brings up things such as that for Mom anyway... I appreciate each of you... I am thinking about trying to get ready for church. I missed this past two weeks because of being so sick and was going to try and go this morning... but I am still dealing with a bit of stomach issues, and with all going on, I HAVE to go and have my pain pump refilled tomorrow, I have no choice. We waited this time until THE DAY my PTM shows the refill date to be. For some reason it almost falls every time where I have to have it filled too early, for one reason or the other... so it worked out to be on the day this time.... more later...

I appreciate your prayers, and yes mine are with you also... this is just proving to be "another one of those tough years".... I had so hoped that 2015, would bring more Light, Hope and Positive things to our lives. Yet, once again so many of us are trying to cope with all types of chronic illnesses, pain, mental and emotional pain also, the loss of loved ones, and this entire nation in general... I can barely stand to watch or look at the news anymore. It is almost too depressing to see just how horrid people can be. From harming their own family, friends, to those who just do NOT care about humanity... the greed, corruption, the back biting, back stabbing... those that get rich off of our own misfortunes, from lack of care from insurance companies, to the extremely ridiculous prices of medications, even generics now are soaring out of the roof... and people have to almost feel as of they always have to look over their shoulder, whether in a huge city, or a small town... so many as I said above that have no remorse, or regard for human life. Even all of the "election" stuff... it just almost makes me physically sick to my stomach at the thought of just about anyone running for President of our nation next year and anyone of those possibly winning... we are already in a terrible condition, not just nationally, but internationally... countries going bankrupt... people not able to find jobs to support their families... and the amount of ever growing medical issues... our water, air, soil... all polluted with Lord knows what... or whether you will walk out of your local market, or church, or movie theater and be taken down by some "home grown terrorist"... I despise even the sound of that... hard for me to fathom any human especially in this great nation being "home grown to terrorize, and kill others... the insanity grows daily.... we have the weight of our own issues on our shoulders, along with the weight of this entire nation and world, as far as the safety, security, and welfare of all of us.. again thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers... my Mom and I, along with my kids and family appreciate each of you..