Surviving - Being a Caretaker even after the person passes away, dealing and coping with loss & still "feeling" someone still having a hold on you from the "grave" - Decisions when you are chronically ill, in pain & trying to make everyone "happy"

I've been trying to "get over" what all has been left behind for me to deal with since June 9th, 2016 - Actually more like the start from about 9 or so years ago, when I came back to TX, to help my Mom.

Most of you that follow me, know I was an only child, my Dad passed away in 2005, and by December 2005, I moved back here from Seattle, to help my Mom. I've talked about due to Dad's upbringing in the "Depression" back in the 20's and 30's Dad's "way" of handling life was much different than those who were younger. Not that he had "bad ideas" but there were many things he could never accept, that were just a part of life, as it evolved and changed.

We each know life does not remain standing still. Each day, there is something new, whether it be something horrible like the "wars" overseas, and innocent lives, even children suffering for no reason but greed from others who want to "rule" over people,

There are also many good things that almost change daily, from cell phones, to technology, jobs, the way our country is ran, and all types of good things that can change within a breath's space.

My life, as well as many of yours have changed, evolved, grown, fallen, gotten up, and tried to march on, even through the pain and suffering, the embarrassmentand the good, bad and indifferent of this world.

Speaking of, our nation and world are in such a torment, chaos and it's hard to fathom other humans can do some of the things they do to those like them, humans. Each day the news seems to worsen over not just all of the overseas fighting, hatred, war, and such, but right here in our nation, each evening, I watch almost in horror of what act of violence has happened that day.

I was left to "take care of" all of Mom's affairs, of course Executrix of her Will/Estate, as you can call it.

Mom had made some really "bad" choices when she was alive. She did some things that as much as I had tried to help, explain, and give her insight along with her financial advisor at the time, to get her to understand, some of what she was trying to choose, could cause family issues someday after she was no longer here.

I never "told" her what to do or not do, but helped her, by explaining why I felt one way or the other, as well as her advisor also helped to guide her into not causing family grief, anymore than we would already have after she had passed away.

I had been here over 10 years, and for most of that time, I helped her with just about  everything, from bills, to putting gas in her car, to helping her and doing her taxes, explaining things she did not understand, you name it, I did it... I am an only child, and I felt it was my responsibility to help her in ALL ways, that I possibly could. I can hope that I did for the most part a decent job at it.

Although a couple of things fell through the cracks, and as I said years ago, NOW, we have a family "uproar".... that although one member "seems" to not be hurt by what has taken place I feel badly that it has, and even more upset that the other 3rd party is NOT helping, and is acting like a damned toddler, rather than a grown up adult.


I am going to go ahead and publish this although it is not finished... I will finish it and post the rest very soon...