Grieving the Loss of a Loved One BEFORE they are no longer gone but you are a caretaker due to a chronic terminal illness...

I've been going through a really "odd" (pr what I felt was odd) kind of issue since Mom passed away in June. I kept telling others that I almost feel as if I am "still in shock" rather than in the "grieving process" and all these weeks and weeks, I kept "waiting" for those signs to appear, and they have in some ways...

yet I have felt angry and almost ashamed of myself, for "not showing" grief in losing Mom... daily now for weeks, I keep wanting to "call her" or run over to tell her something, and even though I am there almost everyday doing the remodeling, this feels different... then of course I realize no longer can I "talk with her here", call to see if she is okay, and usually have my own set of "life's issues" that I could talk to her about... 

well after much thought about it all, right now I am dealing with a great deal of almost feeling like "her life was dropped in my lap" kind of thing, but, I looked it up, and as I've mentioned, I had been "grieving" the loss of my Mom for months and months way before she was "bedridden"... 

and didn't know me, nor even where she was or who she was... I had that "grief" daily, from moment to moment, it was every changing, depending on what was going on at that time, or on that day... thus although it still sounds horrid, when she took that last breath, I felt at that moment "relief" for HER... no more suffering, hurting, crying, diapers, and lying in bed, she was finally "home" with Dad, and her family.... 

so here is one article I just read and decided I would post it...for weeks now I have felt like I am just "insane" yet what I've been through and am going through is all a part of the process... 


https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/grieving-before-death-terminally-ill-116037.htm

Update on Mom the Alzheimer's, getting home from the hospital and of course hurting my back again, and so forth....

You are all such a blessing, and know you are so loved and appreciated... Mom and I had "hell" getting into the house last night. They did not officially discharge her till like 6PM! And I had to get her into the house by myself, so with her having having both back and front, I chose the back, with two lower steps, and using her walker, we very SLOWLY and with a few "choice" words, LOL, made it into the house, and finally to her bed. Hospice DID come by last night around 7PM, I was so shocked, I did not expect a nurse by, plus they had a courier bring some stronger pain medication for her, and now all of her medications will come via courier.... so that will be easier... of course now Hospice has taken over for the doctors etc as far as the dementia, and anything "to do" with that diagnosis, etc for now.... so I am hoping it will "settle" down a little... I really did a huge NO NO though - I injured my LOWER back, which already needs surgery, between all of the walking yesterday back and forth, our hospital is laid out so stupid, and you have to walk what seems like a mile just to get to patient's rooms, but then getting Mom in the house, I did a real number on my lower back and my neck.... I got her settled in and came home very early this morning to do some stuff done here, that I have to do and then I will head back over there, because her Social Worker, Aid, and so on will be coming sometimes after 8AM I gather... so it will be another day of hell I think, just being up on my feet, and getting stuff in order and so on... but now the Ensure, pads, Depends, and any and all "medical stuff" she needs, they will automatically bring us. and I no longer have to be picking those things up, including I gather most of her "meds" ... not sure if it is all of them yet, but ones that go along with the hospice diagnosis they will get and have brought to me... which is some help... then they have a list of people I can have either come "sit" with Mom in the week, night, day, etc for a few hours, some volunteer, some I will have to pay, but I can still go with ""Home Instead" which is a "sitter service" BUT they will have someone there, and I don't have to worry over if I get sick, or need to be away, and someone HAS to be with Mom, even though it means paying for them, they are bonded and so forth, I've met with one of the main case workers already.... and it is MUCH less although not cheap, than putting her in a nursing home, which means about at the lowest 3,000.00 a MONTH for room and board.... so hopefully we can keep her at home, where she REALLY wants to be, and hydrated, and well enough to avoid the hospital again... I can't say how much I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers... and I need to get busy getting things done here, etc... but I will post when I can... Love to all of your guys and gals, Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"

FINALLY, A Beautiful Day, more Wondrous than I have had in literally months and months!! Family, time away as a caretaker, as a patient, & feeling somewhat "normal" for at least a day or two.....

FINALLY WHAT IS AND HAS BEEN AN INCREDIBLE DAY IN SPITE OF LUPUS, RA, SJOGREN'S, DEMENTIA, AND ALL OF THE OTHER HORRID DISEASES AND CHRONIC PAIN!


This has been and is one of the BEST DAYS and BEST WEEKENDS that I've had in a very, very LONG TIME! It is so awesome to have my daughter Amanda  and her hubby Jimbo, as well as my son Jason all together in the same space, and be able to have a wonderful lunch (I ate way too much) and just enjoy one being together.... I surely so NEEDED this, and I know for them it is truly important to them also. Plus, although yesterday was a "rocky" start with Mom, I will explain more later, she did finally EAT, yesterday afternoon, and a bit more than usual. :)) 


She has not eaten in days again, other than drinking the Ensure, so seeing her actually eat and enjoy the food, although a very small amount, it was a blessing. Plus, we know she really does not for the most part know who any of us are, even me, I think she did have some lucid moments over the past day or so, and did understand the three of us were there today and were visiting her. 

The road to getting help is my next feat, I HAVE TO GET HOSPICE in there! I had to turn her mattress completely over due to now we are having "accidents" in the bed, that I did not know about, until yesterday... so I bought some of the "Depends" or as Jim and I used to call them "OOps I crapped my pants" underwear... LOL... right now she sometimes just I think does not realize she needs to get up to pee... that is our issue at the present.... so after buying new covers, pads, waterproof for the mattress, and all plus I put some under pads beneath her, so that way, we don't have her laying in urine, and causing sores... we don't need bed sores for sure.... but again, I am so proud of both my son and daughter, and I hope they know just how much I love them, and every day wished that we could be "closer" as far as our distance away in miles from one another... but sometimes life does not "give us" what WE think WE need, it deals out what for one reason or the other WE NEED, and don't know why.... and I also thank my friends for all of their love and support! Rhia

 LOL!!! For some very Odd reason this just seemed like the photo to publish!