After Surviving Two More SURGERIES, fractured hip 2 places, a Hematoma Softball Sized, and my 1ST TRIP out by myself in over 6 weeks!! And Mourning The Loss of By Precious Fur-Baby!

I came in from my 1st TRIP out ALONE earlier this afternoon..made it to the market, to my pharmacy, & to pick up the Angel that ever's had given out in a celebration of our loved ones who passed away last year. I missed it due to the fall resulting in the fractured hip, then another surgery to remove that softball sized hematoma. One of the women at the market, knew what happened, because she was buying groceries also, and came to me, hugged my neck and told me just how much pain I've been thru, that she said she could not be as strong as I have been. I hugged her back, and told her, that inside, you "find" the strength, and from "above" to help you to try and heal, to try and regain your own life, even though the loss has been tremendous. So, I got home, & Peanut was waiting for me, I let him out of his "carrier" (he love the thing and gets in it all the time himself... as I carefully brought one sack at a time in up my front porch that has only two smaller steps, and began putting them up, 

I went to put up some dog treats, and all of what happened that night with Bubba Gump came rushing over me and through me, and I had to come to my desk, as Peanut knew I was upset so he is sitting beside my deck, on the sofa.... so I opened up Bub's beautiful cedar box, and broke down and sobbed.... it is so hard to believe those few ashes, were once my sweet Bubby's..... 

I will NEVER be able to forgive myself, because I feel Bub's would be here, had I not been gone so long... he mourned himself, sick, and stopped eating and drinking, even though my son and my dog sitter were coming by each day to play with them and make sure they had fresh water, fresh food and clean paper...

 but I will never forget the night I held him so close to me, and talked to him, and kissed him, and he licked my face, laid his head on my chest and took a last breath..... all of these losses, are just about more than I can handle... Anyone that has "fur babies" or any pet they become attached to, and that pet attached to them, it is a loss of a family member if not worse. I just heard on the news last night, that a child will say at times, they love their fur-baby more than their parents at times... a pet loves unconditionally... and I know he is with Tazzy... and someday I will be with them, but right now it plain hurts....

WEGO Health Blogger Challenge 2016 for Day 8 "I think I I can" OR "I Know I CAN".....

WEGO Bloggers Challenge Day * 2016 - "I Think I Can OR "I know I Can?"

I "think" I can get over the "hump" of losing my Mom so suddenly, and find a renewed life ahead of me - I need to give myself more time.

I think I can get my home fixed up and it be everything I want it to be.

I think I can get back into my writing and blogging, and make my 3rd BOOK a "Best Seller".

I think I can finally face my cervical neck surgery, and my lumbar surgery and they will relieve more of my pain.

I think I can walk through this life, even with all of the medical issues that surround me, and continue to find people that care about me, I think I can find new friends, and move past all of the loss, of not just Mom, but the loss of a relationship, find understanding, the loss of my dear Tazzy, my Pug, who I still miss daily, and move past the emotional pain that continues to dwell within and make me feel as if all I've seen in life is loss.

I think I can do MUCH of the "renovations" to my home, myself, and then "face the facts" there are some things now, my body no longer will allow me to do.

I think I can become a much better activist, advocate, volunteer and "voice" for those who suffer from such horrendous chronic illnesses and pain.

I think I can live my life alone, with my pups, and find the place where I no longer feel "alone or abandoned".

I think I can continue to make great decisions about my future, and continue the path of knowing more about medical research, chronic ailments, and give others hope through my own research and going through what I have been through. 

"I Know I Can!"

I KNOW I can go back to Washington DC one day, and give Congress once again my own life's issues with chronic illness, chronic pain, and how many of us suffer horrendously, and make A DIFFERENCE!

I know I can find more time to write, to work on my painting, my quilting, my gardening, and be able to get on the path, of feeling good about myself again.

I know I can LOVE, my Kids, Grand kids, and family even more every day. I know I can show them that they are my entire world. 

I know I can get these two pups to QUIT peeing in the floor when they are upset with me!

I KNOW I can continue to make this journey through life by myself, take care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally, and gain more insight to myself in the process.

I KNOW I CAN STOP having HORRIBLE NIGHT TERRORS!

I know that although sometimes others do not say it, they are proud of my "charity" works, and I will learn that I DO NOT have to have a pat on the back from anyone else but myself.

I KNOW I CAN GET THE HECK WELL! I AM SICK AGAIN!

 

I know I now can face my own "day of reckoning" when that time comes, whether soon, or decades from now, and I am NOT frightened. 

#HAWMC

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