Some of Life's Little Disappointments - Especially When It Involves People, Promises and Illness

I've been on what some might call a "tear", "Rampage", "soap box", "griping session", or just plain bitchaaaching and griping over the past couple of weeks.

As this age, one would think by now, I would totally understand PEOPLE will let you down, disappoint you, make you feel less than, not as good as, or like you are some 3rd "rate romance", in some "motel rendezvous" - Touche' as some would say. A title to a song by Sammy Kershaw if my memory or what's left of it serves me correctly. Well, someone may have actually recorded it before him, but I do remember liking his version, especially with his voice singing it.

I am NOT "literally" speaking of any "incident" involving some 3rd rate romance or any kind of motel rende-anything... but the "feeling" you must have when you feel like you have some how it "bottom" of the pile of humanity. Those that seem to be sitting on top of you, and not even caring they are smashing your
"innards" onto the floor just beneath you.

I will say, taking totally up for ME, I've in all honesty, sick, not sick, felt like crap or not, kind of like "sickness and in health" have worked my butt off the past two years and honestly more, as a voice, advocate, volunteer, activist and Ambassador for the things I hold near and dear to my "stance" about humanity. I am definitely and maybe even a bit defiantly cut from a "different mold" than some. I would think that from the time I was about 4 years old, I totally became different than many kids, and later on, than many adults I have known or heard of. I have kind of "beat and whistled" my own horn and drum so to speak. I rarely go for the "normal" of anything. I've never felt being "normal" was anything but basically boring. And who in this day and age of almost being able to do anything... the SKY literally is the limit... would want to spend their life normally boring??? I did for years, OR I tried to "think" I was going with the general flow of those around me. Well, hell, I can attest that now I realize where I went, what I did, who or whom I met, saw, spoke to, and how I decided many years ago to live my life... was for many NOT considered anything but normal.


Sometimes I have to wonder if that is the reason I am "chronically ill".. as silly as that sounds, let me explain further. For those of us that are fortunate enough to have very little issues with our health, then you truly cannot possibly put "your feet in someone's shoes" that are chronically ill and/or in chronic pain. If you have been one of the people that rarely missed a day of school, went on to college, and the same happened, then you went out into the working world, got a job, and you just never miss work because of illness, surgery, and so forth. I have to wonder if that is even the "norm" now days. Maybe it is because I am a fully fledged "chronic illness" survivalist, that knows rarely a day that everything physically feels ALL RIGHT! It is usually one, two, three or more things happening to me physically, that effects my emotional and mental health also. If you awake to pain every morning of your life... you know without a shadow of a doubt (unless some miracle happened in the night) that you WILL awaken with some kind of ache, pain, or something that kind of makes your start of the day, a bit slower than many. For those like myself, that have to run to your desk (well almost more like crawl) take all of the "early morning" medication that you HOPE will give you a reprieve from pain, illness, or whatever maybe happening on any given morning of the week or weekend... so that is in itself is your 1st priority. Then you dive into go and turn on the coffee pot, and probably take a look at the MANY things on your list or lists that you either NEED to, HAVE to... get done... or more like what you can possibly PUT OFF until the next day or later in the day once your joints, bones, hips, shoulders, neck, feet, ankles, thumbs and probably the rest of you are kind of "lubricated", jump started like a small car battery, & then after the brain fog lifts... you maybe able to begin your day.

ADDING THIS FROM TODAY SINCE IT KIND OF GOES ALONG WITH THE ABOVE... NOVEMBER 9TH 2014...

AND HERE I GO AGAIN... STILL ON MY "SOAP BOX"....


As if I were not busy and stressed enough I decided to take the Defensive Driving Test again... just for the 10 percent off my insurance but all and any discounts help for sure. I am doing it all online which is great. But, damned I don't remember it being as long as it is now. It has been a long time I guess since I took it last. So, they have probably added more to it due to cell phones and all of the new technology in cars that can help and also hinder with distractions.... so now I am in the middle of that, along with waiting for Geico to answer a question before I change policies, and then I had paperwork to come in for another thing I am in that has to be done every 7 months, I have three appts next week, the dentist, blood work and my heart doctor, plus my last Arthritis Foundation Ambassador meeting for my year of training is Tuesday afternoon, so I find out it if I've done everything to be an Ambassador, plus possibly did the extra things in order to be a "Platinum Ambassador". I found out the article that I've sent to our newspaper goes in (either it went in yesterday and wouldn't you know I did not get my paper) or it goes in tomorrow. I had an email from the new editor of the paper. I had sent it in about 3 weeks ago, and heard nothing. So, I resent the email, and still did not hear anything. I went down there early last week with a copy of the email and the article. The woman told me then they were having a change of staff, thus the delay. Well, I got a very nice email from the new "editor" who told me he was going to make it a "Highlighted" Article in the "Life Style Page" with my photo on it and everything! So, it is in the works also... but through all of this, then have have a "week" reprieve from APPTS!!! - only to have ONE EVERY DAY OF THANKSGIVING WEEK!! I HAE TO HAVE my pain pump refilled 2 days before Thanksgiving, Mom and I see the PCP the Monday of that week, and then I have to go back to Dallas to see my Rheumatologist the day BEFORE Thanksgiving... when ahe the heck am I supposed to have any time for a holiday... sometime next year I guess!!! It is insanity, and that week will be nuts anyway, due to many being off the entire week, kids out of school, parents possibly taking a few extra days off... I hate to think about Dallas Traffic... especially during the week of a major holiday... nuts, they already can't drive on normal days, much less during holiday time... I dread it... MY problem is also I am not feeling very well at all... I thought a few days ago I might be either coming down with something, or had a flare coming, ... and I just have not had the energy I really need to get over all of these doc visits, taking care of the house, grocery shopping... speaking of... I went Friday for my "stock up" we are OUT OF everything grocery trip... and I knew it would be a load. I took in about 7 or 8 reusable bags knowing I would probably fill them full. Well, I got about 3/4 of the way through my list, and I was hurting so badly in my lower back, my right hip and lower back, and side began to just hurt like hell. My feet were hurting like they do in the mornings when I first get up, and I was just almost not able to push the basket around. I had to LEAVE off part of my list, get in line, check out, get them to carry the bags to the car, and go directly home. I was a total wreck, by the time I drove home, got 7 bags of groceries that I could barely lift into the house, and then had to put it all up... myself... Jim helped by helping me empty the bags and sort stuff out, but he can't bend over, reach up, get on a chair etc... so of course I still had to get everything put away, and was grateful I saved 46.00!!!!!! in coupons... but it took me a couple of hours to print some, cut all of them out and organize them, then get them and me to the store, and get them out and double check them as I bought items to make sure everything was correct and check out....then of course as I said above get them home, put up etc.... I have and continue to discover between the time it takes me to get ready, shower, hair, makeup, then to get everything prepared lists, coupons and so forth, put myself in the car, get to the store, and walk through a huge store then get everything home... it takes all of my SPOONS for the Day and then some... and IT SUCKS!!!!! It sucks to feel ill, it sucks to feel old, it sucks to look old, and it just all sucks right now.... I cannot seem to get myself organized enough anymore to keep me from taking 5 times as long as I used to before the illnesses....

Annual Family Christmas Letter for 2013....

                   How Can It Be Christmas 2013 Already?

I’ve been contemplating over writing this “annual Christmas Letter” for weeks. Although it is a tradition, and I am not one for altering traditions; life in itself gives you no choice BUT to alter, change, move, forward, backward, and sometimes even upside down, as far as the traditional sense goes.

I do just sit here in wonderment of just how quickly this year has flown by. It seems each February that rolls around (my birthday month), makes that year fly by swifter than the one before. As kids we fuss that it takes such a long time for holidays, a new school year, Summer to arrive, time for us to have our driver’s license, time to graduate… 
After you are out of school, in a job, possibly have a spouse, a family, and all of the hustle and bustle that goes with those things, time seems to “turn a page” in a greater way than the years before. Marriages seem to go by more quickly, kids grow up just all too fast, and then you are again by yourselves, with an occasional visit from the kids and the Grand kids. 

As I watch my own Grand kids grow, they are also growing from one stage in childhood so fast, and the next thing you know, they are like my Grand Daughter Heather. Here she is a teenager and getting her driver’s license as they turn 16 in the blink of an eye. My oldest Grand son James jut turned 8 on the 6th of December. As I looked at all of his  birthday pictures on Facebook earlier this morning, my memories were of him, just practically a newborn a few weeks after we moved back to Texas in 2005. I am amazed as I think about them visiting at that time, with their first newborn son together; yet now their is the 2nd one Logan, who is sure not a baby anymore either. It was so cute to see Logan right beside James every step he made in those pictures! He follows his “big brother” around everywhere he goes. Then again I see Heather, the oldest as a young woman, not the tiny 2 year old child she was when I first met her. Time has flown by, and it does just seem to fly more quickly with each turn of a page in life. 

We tend to take “time” for granted. So, rather than spend this moment of time fussing about how time flies by, I’ll spend these few moments to let you know a bit about the homes of our families.

Mom is doing well. In fact, she is doing much better than the rest of us in many ways. Her health is good. But, she did go through a bit of a scare with her heart earlier in the year. She had been a bit short of breath, but she called me one morning to say she could not even walk to the mail box without being very winded. So, I called, got her into the doctor, and they thought it was her heart. They wheeled her over to the ER at the hospital next door. Her EKG, blood work, and all indicated she did not have a heart attack, so that was a good thing. In fact her doctor kept her overnight, and monitored her heart, along with doing labs every few hours to make sure nothing was awry. He wanted her to see a cardiologist just for the sake of making sure all was okay. in fact I took her to my own cardiologist, who is just wonderful. Dr. Meg Sullivan put Mom with a couple of other tests, and one was an echocardiogram. There was a “severe” abnormality of her mitral valve, which would not have been caught on an EKG or blood work. It was “sloppy” and loose, thus blood with oxygen is not all getting where it needs to be, thus causing her to be out of breath. The first “echo” was showing this in the “severe” range. That usually means open heart surgery, the only way to repair that valve. I think they have some doctors doing it with a scope, but I am not sure just how well that is going yet. Anyway, I asked Dr. Meg if we could do something “else” before we consider going through a huge surgical procedure. Mom was of course stunned and certainly NOT ready to even think about open heart surgery and I was also quite stunned myself. I think our cardiologist saw that neither of us were exactly thrilled and in fact both of us, Mom and I were in shock. That was the last thing we expected to hear. So, the doctor did suggest that Mom could “increase” one of her medications, Lasix, so it would take MORE fluid from her body. With that, even less sodium intake, adding more Potassium to her schedule, and “decreasing” the amount of fluids she drank daily. Believe it or not, it worked! The Lord was certainly on her side and all of ours. Two weeks after she began this routine, they did another ultrasound on her heart. Not only did the issue go from “severe”, but decreased that “sloppiness” so much, that her mitral valve was almost “normal”, rather than appearing diseased! Talk about miracles! That was a miracle. So far, that was at the first of the year, she has not had any real issues again. I am sure it may come to give problems some day, but for now, she had a 6 month check up about a month ago, and all appears to be well. I was extremely thankful. Mom has been so very fortunate health wise, that I am not sure she would stand to go through something that dramatic as far as a surgical procedure. She is having some horrible pain issues with her right shoulder. It has gotten so bad she is unable to even comb her hair. I’ve been fussing for her to see our Orthopedic surgeon. I feel it could be her neck, since I went through much of the same with mine. After having a shoulder replacement on the right, then also having cervical neck surgery due to continued pain in my right shoulder blade, I fear her issues could be cervical neck related also. Other than this issue with her shoulder, and of course she is having more problems with arthritis, and a bit “feeble” like having to watch going up and down stairs, holding onto rails more, and that kind of thing, she is doing very well to be 78 years old. She sends her love to all.

Both Jason and Amanda; along with Amanda’s husband and three children are all doing okay. Jason recently took a job not far from where Amanda and her family live; about 30 minutes out of Corpus Christi. So, he spends quite a bit of time with her and her family. I  am happy that they have one another close now. They have been close to each other, ever since they grew out of that “kid sister - older brother” stage years ago. It is wonderful to see them enjoy one another and have a good relationship. She stays on the go as usual. Never a dull moment with the three kids and their friends and families. She just doesn’t know “yet” how to sit still very long! Reminds me of “me” when I was her age. 

Jason decided to change a few things in his life. He is out of the career for now of any type of law enforcement, and is now working for a company out of Corpus Christi in the oil business. He seems to like it, and it seems to be less stressful, of course than the law enforcement jobs. Jason has some issues health wise with what seems to be symptoms of Fibromyalgia. He has had “aches and pains” with his joints for several years now. As of this past year it seems that some other symptoms have cropped up. These newer symptoms seem to exemplify more in the range of “FM” (Fibromyalgia)/“CFS/ME” (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). He has been taking some medication that seems to be helping and our hopes are that he shall continue to see improvement, and be able to continue on with all of his dreams and plans for the future. 

Well, “our home”. Actually things have been not nearly as “upside down” on the health front as the past few years had been. In saying that, I have had “new symptoms” and side effects from the Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. They have not been the most pleasant to say the least. I suddenly developed “double vision” the first part of this year. We first thought it was because I was not getting much sleep. So, I was overly tired most of the time, thus it was effecting my eye sight. I went through several doctors/specialists, lots of tests, including a “temporal artery biopsy”, and in the end, one of the best specialists in the field told me, “Frankly, he thinks it’s the Lupus, but is not sure exactly why it is”. He put a totally different type of glasses on me, with spheres in both lenses. They do a great job correcting the double vision, while I am wearing them. With them off, I still see “double”. Although we are still a bit baffled by it all, we also know when it comes to these autoimmune illnesses that have kind of “taken” over; there sometimes it just “not” a “diagnosis” or “explanation” but to say it is one of those. 
I have made change in the RA medication. I am taking “infusions” every 4 to 6 months. The hope is that this medication will somewhat control the RA pain AND our greatest hope is that it will slow down the progression of the damage to my joints. I have my thumbs that are just in terrible shape. The use of my hands continues to get worse each year. Until I have just about lost all use, or the doctors insist on “fusing” the thumb joints or replacing them, I just do things to help assist me in opening things, buttoning, holding and so on. My only other “oddity” is that I recently developed an “oval lump” on my lower left abdomen. I was at three doctors, had a sonogram, and no one could figure it out! (what’s new)… Finally, one of my regular physicians’, PA (assistant) saw me again, and “bingo” she found the problem right away. Of all things I have a “hernia”, actually I now have 2 hernia’s, one on each side; left and right. Only me! From all I have read and been told, hernia’s (inguinal hernia’s) are EXTREMELY difficult to find in females. Plus, they are usually “genetic” in nature. When we are in the womb, well before even “sex” is determined there are two tubes that form, and after that then the “sex” of the baby happens. But, those “tubes” especially in females can be “weak”. That weakness tends to run in families. So, as my PA told me, my own daughter could be subject to having a hernia or hernia’s also. It is only genetic as far as they know, more on the female side. Even though male babies, often have a hernia(s) when they are born, or very small. But those in themselves, supposedly are not “genetic”. I thought it was “wild” but I did some research and that is exactly what I found. I guess we learn something new no matter how old we are. Life to me stays absolutely fascinating for that reason! No matter how lousy I feel, or what is going on, I still love learning something new all the time! Especially when it comes to the “medical realms” of life. 

Jim, is also having one heck of a time with a shoulder/neck problem. He recently had an MRI, and in fact we have not gotten the results as of the time I am writing this letter. Our hopes are, and fingers crossed, that he is not facing surgery. But, it just does not look good. He stays in a tremendous amount of pain, and of all things, the pain is almost unbearable each time he sits down at the computer to work. Well, being the he designs and develops web sites as a career makes it a bad situation all the way around. I pray that rather than be some that needs surgery, that it may be something that is a “chronic inflammatory” process, which possibly corticosteroids in a larger dose, for an extended length of time, and some powerful NSAID”s maybe the answer. Surgery is just not something he wants to face at all. Plus he is without health insurance at the time. As anyone knows that works for themselves, with things in a mess as they are in our country with the health insurance situation, we are not sure how we will face something surgical in nature. But, I know that our “Higher Power” is watching over us, and “He” will make everything happen as it should be. 

I swore I wouldn’t make this long, but here it is, long as usual. I’ll just say a couple more things. I did have my 2nd PUBLISHED book go out earlier this year. I now have TWO books published, and they are on amazon.com   …   I use the “pen” name of “Rhia” or “Rhiannon” Steele. Both are Poetry/short Prose books, and are named “Ramblings of A Seasoned Soul” and the other is “Time Tattered Musings”. If you want to and have a moment look them up and you can “Look Inside the book” on Amazon, on both and read a couple of pages in them. My hope was to have a “3rd” book out by now. My “dream” to  be a “published” author has came true twice! Yet, my ultimate dream is to have the journey of my life in a book published. I have the entire “story” in bits and pieces all over my computer as well as in my blog online, and dozens of “handwritten” journals I’ve kept since I was around 14 years old. Every time I try to “begin” the book though, I just never quite come up with how I want that very first paragraph, page; the first chapter to sound. All of us have “a book” in us, is what I had a dear friend say to me. In a way that is so true. We “all” have a story about our lives, and how we got from point “a” as a youngster to point “b” in our present, plus we have ideas about point “c” where we hope to be in the future. But, some just never write it. I want to take that step and tell my story. Much of it, I’ve never shared with anyone. Much of it, I have shared but with only those I felt could totally understood where I came from. Yet, everyone that knows me well, especially Mom and Jim, have continued to encourage me to write “the” book, book… as I call it. 

I hope to accomplish that “dream” and write the “ultimate”, “Book, Book”, this year. That is if the “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise”, as the saying goes. As far as the “rest” of our family, “Tazzy” and “Bubba Gump”, our two “fur kids” are just as spoiled rotten as ever. They are getting older also as we can tell. Tazz, our Pug, is the oldest. She came with us from Seattle. That was in 2005. She was about a year old then. Bubba, is a
“Chi-Weenie”, and he is a character. They both keep us laughing, and talk about “separation anxiety”. They “cry” if I or Jim leave to go to the store! Bless their hearts, they are so accustomed to the both of us being with them. But, they are a joy, even though they can aggravate the heck out of us as times also. Just like 2 kids for sure!

My “projects” are many. It seems I always have my “fingers” in a different pie. I recently became an “Active Volunteer” for a non-profit Foundation that is trying to help bring awareness to Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. I just “graduated” from a several month class learning about the Foundation, and all they are accomplishing. It is truly an amazing story. The “founder” began about 4 years ago, after she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She wanted to make a difference and she has truly already done “miracles” through what started out as a “Buckle Me Up Movement” and a bracelet she made with a “belt buckle” at her apartment in San Francisco. From there it has grown to her and 4 “co-founders”, became an official non-profit foundation, and is about 35 volunteers strong and growing quickly. She has honestly accomplished things in 4 short years that many would never accomplish in a life time. And ALL of us have one or more Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses. The Foundation is International Foundation for Autoimmune Arthritis. I would love it if you have a moment to take a look at their website. Even it does not really tell just how incredible this truly is and how many lives she and all of us as a team shall touch! You can visit the website at: 
http://www.ifautoimmunearthritis.org  …
Also, I will be doing some blogging on their own blog, which is called “Systemically Connected”. Plus my own personal blog, “Gaze Thru Pain - Lupus/RA & This Foggy Brain” is the name of it, and the URL to my blog is :  
http://rhiannonsrisetodreamstate.blogspot.com  …
I have to laugh, of course, as I say every year; I’m not going to make my “Annual Christmas Letter” so long! Of course it is always long, and probably longer than usual. I find as I write, there is lots more that went on during the year, than I think did. 

My hope… Our Hope is the you and your families are healthy, happy, and enjoying one another throughout the holidays. May you find peace, joy, and most of all love throughout 2014 and beyond. Know that we think of you often; even though we aren’t close physically, in our hearts and spirit we are always right there.

Much Love, Merry Christmas and A 2014 that shall be Wonderful!  Rhia,Jim, Tazz, Bubba… and All of Our Family!!!! 

Holiday "Lost" Spirit & The Apparent Lack Of Giving of Self To Find Your Light

Taking The "Money" Out of the Holidays to find the true Reasons for This Wondrous Season

I usually have posted my "annual Christmas letter" by now. I decided this year to wait. I was not sure I even wanted to post it here and on my blog. I have first hand watched so many people that are dear to me, both "right here" and those that are my "FB Family", go through so much pain, suffering, fear, shock, and dreadful things especially within their health, that I find it very difficult to try and make this holiday season "Happy" and feel "Blessed". How do you feel "blessed" when it is like the entire universe has fallen in on you, and that black hole that the universe came from, has now swallowed you up in it, and pulled everything in on top of you??? I know, I know... Faith!!! I've lived in the footsteps of "faith", "hope", & trying to just "be". I have tried my best to "take all the bad" and try to see that positive side that is supposed to come from the resonating facts that it seems nothing lately is very good. In fact if anything, there is just too much "bad". I managed to write my Christmas Letter this year and I did put it in the Xmas cards I sent out. But, even as positive as I tried to be, I feel the ones who read it, will think I want them to "feel sorry" for us, or think I am griping and moaning. Or they will think "Wow" what a mess? I am holding on by my "fingertips" to the rope of faith that always in the past, has "sustained" me, no matter how bad things got. In my past life, things at one time or the other probably have been "worse" in many ways. But, as far as health wise, for myself, my family, and so many of you, it cannot get much worse! I hear it, I see it, I read it daily, everywhere you turn, people are hurting. I know in other ways we hurt also, but I am speaking more about the "physical" pain so many of us are dealing with. From all of the drama around autoimmune diseases, which seem to be running rampant in our world, to those I know that are so dear to me battling cancer, several with diabetes that have now had to begin having dialysis due to kidney failure. These are people in the prime of life! Many my age, and like myself, they are seriously ill in one way or the other. Yesterday, I open our tiny daily paper, and TWO guys 19 YEARS old, were in the "Obituary" column! I was just flabbergasted to say the least! I could not believe my eyes. And what makes it worse, it has been that way now for months. It seems like each day, I open our "Daily Paper" there are people who are in there early 50's and some much younger that are passing away! I realize Ellis County is not tiny, but it certainly is not some huge county with many large cities in it! We have no "cities", but more like towns. Even our county seat, Waxahachie, is not a huge city by any means. So, how can so many people, at such a young age, in a smaller community like this, be so very ill?? It seems like insanity! I had a talk with Jim after seeing the "evening news" yesterday, that all we hear on the news or read, is "bad". Nothing "good" is ever broadcasted. As we talked about it, he said it is because "good news" does NOT sell! In other words, our news is full of the "bad" because that is what brings readers and watchers in! How sad is that? As I began to repute his statement, I began to wonder if what he said is really true? Have we become a society so complacent, so weary, so looking for the dramatic and the shocking, that "good news" does not sell? I have to think he is probably quite right. Look around. Even with the "spirit" of what this season is all about... greed, money, more about "how much" you buy and give for gifts, how "pretty" your tree or decor is, how many gifts under the tree, how many parties you attend, with the latest dress and accessories on... along with how many toys the kids get, how much you spend on your kids, getting them the "latest and best" and most wanted toys on the market, not sparing what you spend at all. I've watched my "debit" card purchases lately be so slow in going through the system. I thought about it, and it is because SO MANY people are going DEEP into Debt, for the New Year that is not even here yet! Those credit card limits are moving to the max fast for many, because rather than being about the "pure" meaning of this holiday, the monetary portion has become number one! The part about the birth of Christ, and what His journey on this earth meant, until the day His "mortal" life was taken, so He could stand in the place of us for all of our many transgressions. I know that the "season of giving", pretty lights, and festive decor are a part of the celebration of His birth. But, we have become totally wrapped up in buying, spending, and thinking about the material things, that the spiritual has been thrown out the window, bath water, bucket, baby and all... as the old saying goes... Rather than getting "better", it seems to just get worse every year. I've witnessed it here my hometown for weeks!!! No matter WHEN I go to the market, or any store in town, no matter the time, the day, everyone is packed like sardines in the stores!!! I have to wonder how people are shopping constantly??? In the middle of the week during the early morning, and early afternoons, the stores are full! I told Jim it appears that people just stay in town, and it is vicious circle... they just drive and shop from one store to the other and must never go home! It sounds like a joke, but heck how can people afford to be in stores constantly??? I try MY BEST to STAY away from shopping!!! The longer I can remain at home, out of all the stores, the less money I am throwing out the window. I've found that "stuff" that I used to think was so necessary, I have come to not need nor miss at all. So, when I began to "make do" with what I have at home, I dramatically lowered our "cost of living" each month. Yet, even with all of the coupons, sales, free stuff, stock piling, and shopping as wisely as possible with always a list that I try my best to never swerve off of, we are basically in the hole monetarily like everyone else. Between the two of us, just the medical bills have been ridiculous the past month or two. Jim has no insurance, so when you are a "cash pay" patient, it does not take long for the "cash" to run out! And we have just about "cash paid" ourselves to be considered in the poor house. I am rambling on. I so wanted this to be about the "sunny" and positive light of the season. But, when every day you run into those that have the same horror stories in their own lives, it makes it difficult to find the "light" in that black hole of darkness. I still "stand" on my rock of faith. But, at times it feels like the waters of life have "broken" down that foundation some. I lately, have not felt as strong and sturdy on my faith's foundation as I usually do. Maybe all of us feel this way, but just don't want to admit it... So, call me a scrooge... or think I am crazy, maybe feel like I am giving myself a "pity party", but no this is not about "me" but about the "droves" of us all around, everywhere I look... I DO WISH YOU a Better Day, and beautiful warmth of family, friends, food, peace, understanding, good health & most of all love during this holiday season. I also pray with all my heart, we each find "our" foundation sturdy once again... As I try to cast my burdens off my shoulders, and give them over to my Higher Power, I pray we are all healed, mind, body, heart and soul.... Merry Christmas!!! Rhia

Just to Mention a Couple New things on My Blog...

I am not exactly "patting myself on the back"... BUT I will say that I am eager to know what you truly think about the new "background image" on the top of my page, under the name and description of my blog! I had began working on the 'idea" for a couple of months. But, nothing I could think about or picture in my mind, was exactly what I WAS going to do. I didn't want to do the "same old thing". Yet it needed to be new, fresh and reflect what my blog is all about.

I thought about graphics and photos. But, those would be too MUCH in color. Even if I made the opacity extremely light, it still maybe too dark for others to read the Title and the Description, So, I opened up my "trusty" Photoshop program, that I have not played with or done anything in, for a long while.

Thus I had a picture in my mind of "words", words, turned and kind of "twisted and "turned", arced one way, then the other, much like our lives our and our bodies "feel" when we are afflicted with these diseases.

So I picked a color scheme I felt would match my blog background color, fixed a new file in PS (PhotoShop),  and began doing some thinking and rendering; then came up with a beautiful array of colors that matched the back ground colors of the entire blog page. I made a mistake at first in my "pixel" sizing of the graphic. For some reason I thought it needed to be longer and a bit thicker for it so that way it would match up as it is supposed to. I didn't at first think about resizing from the beginning because at first I figured I'd more than likely be "blurring" the names of the dieseases, or "skewing" it where you could "read" them but it would be more in the background of your mind, while the readers are actually looking more at the title, the blog posts, and so as I began to arc words up and down, turn them in one way, then the other, in rotation.

About 3 hours or so later, plus a couple of questions answered by the "Pro" here in the house, Voila'! A new background Image all of my own making... ;).

It is posted hook, line and sinker on my blog. I am so thrilled to have it up now. I also found out a couple of new things that I was able to also use here, and I hope it will help get me and my blog more out in the advocacy world, where I can hopefully do some good...:)  Pray for good vibes!!!! :):)

Advocacy in the realms of "chronic illnesses", takes a great deal of tenacity to get your thoughts, research, your own experiences with those around you....

Please leave a quick comment and let me know what you think ;)
                                                                                 

Holidays, Autoimmune Illnesses, Pain, Stormy Winter Weather, & My thoughts about Christmas...

WOAH!!  Darned....  It is now thundering and lightening here like it was a Summer Storm! I don't know whether to look for ice or a tornado! Talk about some STRANGE weather! Supposed to be about 31 here, and dropping all day long... raining here, but could turn to sleet and freezing rain (what is the difference)?... anytime... just too weird.... I did get something accomplished yesterday finally. I got almost ALL of my Christmas Cards made out and addressed! :) Still have to finish writing my Annual Xmas Letter though  ;) since it appears I am going to be "rained, iced, and plain cold weathered in" I hope I can take advantage of not having to go run errands. I also fully intend on getting some of these "projects" around this house, and online done and completed! Honestly, I have not put up one Xmas decoration yet. And honestly, with everything going on, I don't FEEL like putting up any Xmas decorations yet... Jim went for the MRI on his neck Wednesday. He has NO insurance so this pay out of your pocket, even with a discount crap sucks. He had to have them start over several times. He said trying to lay with that neck a certain way, just sent him into horrid, unbearable pain (in his shoulder). The pain is NOT in his neck at all... it is his shoulder that is in pain. Kind of like mine... first it WAS my shoulder... they replaced that and THEN it WAS my NECK! So they did surgery on that. I just don't know what to even think... We both just want an answer about the pain. He has been dealing with it now for well over 2 months. And it just gets worse. And as I said above with NO insurance, we don't even know what we will face if there is something that needs to be surgically fixed. I want to hope it is something NOT requiring surgery. But, if I look at it honestly, he is in way too much misery for it to be anything "simple". I just wonder if they have it right. You know, you never know. WE also don't know how long it will be before we have results. From what they told him at the clinic itself he went to it might be awhile. Here I am going into surgery myself on the 30th for this hernia (quite honestly, the right one is getting larger. I just have to wonder if he doesn't need to do both of them)... and I'll not be able to lift, bend, etc... for weeks from what I've read. So, that just makes everything about the holidays feel more stressful... We MAY go to the Casino if weather allows actually and spend the night for Xmas. WE all have 2 free nights rooms... and we can do that, have an incredible Xmas dinner... and not have to cook, clean and so forth. Plus we would have ALL of the "lights" and decorations you can imagine! :):) LOL! everyday in there sounds and looks like a holiday! Now, I want to clarify a bit about how I feel about Christmas. I am ALL about family, love, hope, and what this holiday "truly means", rather than the "commercialized", expensive gift giving, going into debt for year giving, having the biggest, best, and grandest decor, lights, and all of that... I feel that Christmas should be celebrated with an Awe, Wonder, And Glad Feelings of the Birth of Our Savior. It is about the spirit that guides us through this world daily... giving us and unselfish love... that we should pass on daily to others.... Sure I believe in the tree, some gifts, great food, and pretty decor... it is a part of the holiday, as long is it is done in the "right frame work" of what this entire Season of Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the New Year means and brings. Our "commercial" world has honestly ruined the true meaning by being so greedy, they can't wait until even the "day after" Thanksgiving, but now ON Thanksgiving to start to open and have people fighting over things to buy!!! They have "Xmas Decor" up with the Halloween stuff! I just don't believe that "employees" especially in the "retail" market should have to work at all on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Especially Christmas... it is a time that NO PURCHASE should be allowed or necessary. No one needs anything so badly that they need to get it Xmas day! Either get it before or the day after... and I get some health workers, and so forth must be on duty... there are some areas where it is a necessity to have a "skeleton crew" on board. But as a whole the retail business has just ruined the holidays for many of us. I hope that everyone finds the "true" meaning and blessing of this coming Christmas! May love win over all!!!!

Holidays and Autoimmune Arthritic Illnesses

After bringing up the subject of "holidays and Christmas" when I posted about sending card to the troops, it also again this year made me stop and try to figure out how we "do" the holidays this year. It seems to of course be an annual question now. Used to we always did the exact same thing. My husband and I cooked the entire gamut of a holiday meal. From sweet potatoes, to turkey with home made cornbread stuffing, we did it all "A to Z". So, our first several years together, even though it was just the two of us, our one pup back then Tazzy, and our two cats (who have now passed away, D-Link and Lightening) it was a spread of food, fit for any King! :)

As we moved to California, the day before Thanksgiving there, I had an accidental run in with one of our cats - Lightening. Actually not a "bad" something he did, but our landlady had some guys working on the windows. We were in a upstairs, 2nd story tiny apartment. My husband had just left for work and I heard one of the cats "crying". So, I went to see what was wrong and he was barely hanging on outside the bedroom window. He had gotten on the ledge and it had the screen off of it, so he slipped. Well of course instinct to me said help him, but what did not dawn on me, as that he was totally flipped out. So, as soon as I went to grab him, he bit down into my hand so hard that it pierced all the way through the skin under my thumb. I had several very deep wounds. He had seen it was me and he let go. Bless his heart he was scared about almost falling, and he realized he had hurt me. I was screaming to the top of my lungs, and crying, and calling his name…. so of course he knew I was hurt also. Blood was going everywhere. I grabbed a small towel and wrapped it around my hand. Then called my husband, who of course had a brand new job, that he had just began only about 3 weeks before that… it was a nightmare. He did turn around and come back home. We did not even know where the nearest hospital was there in San Pedro. We have just not been there long enough to know where anything was other than the market, and a few stores on the main road. I knew I needed a tetanus shot, and possibly antibiotics, plus the pain was so intense, I cannot explain how badly it hurt. Any kind of animal bite is extremely painful and since these were very deep gashes it was a nightmare.
Anyway, we already had most of what we needed to cook with and our neighbors had gotten to know us a bit. They were not going anywhere and we had asked them to come over, but since that happened we went to tell them it was off.  So, they came over and helped my husband cook!! It was so nice!!

Now just a few years later, neither of us "feel" physically like cooking that huge of meal in the about past three years. After promising not to succumb to "old" age, or getting "too lazy" to cook for the holidays. But, I guess I have had to "admit" to myself and to everyone there is just no way I can take all of that on… We have to freeze most of it, which is fine depending on what it is, or make my Mom keep some, or give it to the neighbors.

These illnesses change each of our lives in so many ways, in each and every day. Even the smallest of tasks that we used to be able to do without blinking an eye, now become some kind of monumental feat… including dinner for a large family. Just another one of the many, many ways Autoimmune Arthritis "hits" us in the gut with a hard punch at times. It was a horrid reminder over the weekend before when  i took Mom to the Casino. I never gave a 2nd thought to wearing my black patent platform pumps with this very long skirt (maxi-skirt) as I guess they still call them. Yet, as the day wore on, I knew that would be my last time wearing those heels for any length of time. Just to go to church, or something for an hour or so, or if I am going to be sitting down a lot, will be only time I'm ever able to walk in them. Those hours and hours and hours…. and probably about 8 to 10 MILES by the time you walk from one side around to the other and then back and forth again… you definitely get a work-out!

Even that…I was able before to have no problem getting to be checked in, bags to the room, parked and all done. Not anymore, just doing the Huge Hotel walk in itself, and getting around to the elevators that are several turns around from the check in/reservation desk. Then I was the one that did all of the parking, and walking, and then walking and picking Mom up at the door… I am now trying to resolve myself to the fact that some things I will still be able to do, but I must make a very "detailed"plan so I will not wear myself out before I can even have fun.

So, with every turn, around every corner… from the mountain top you trip and side down, only to crawl back up scraping your knees… still to shout Victory when again you reach the top… to when the oceans tides seem to want to blow you into the vastness or when the soft sands of hope caress your feet…. all can just "never" be… So, Accept and Rejoice in what you CAN do, and allow those things you CANNOT do, to be swept into the oceans of where you never have to worry over them again….

Christmas Cards to The Troops

For the last 4 years now, I've been participating in this. I just decided I needd to do "something" to show how much I appreciated these brave men and women that put their lives on the line each moment in order that our country, our world and all of us remain safe from those that want to harm us. It is a MASSIVE undertaking and without them I doubt seriously we would have FREE nation!


So, here is the deal, as the link below will explain:

The deadline is NOVEMBER 25th. Just buy some Christmas cards (I go to the Dollar Tree) here but any of your stores that sell things like this less expensive and pick out as many boxes as you feel you have time to write something in and get sent in by the deadline. I always promise myself I will buy them early or buy some at the end of the holidays this year for the next year, so I can get a head start to write in them. It needs to be a "handwritten" note inside the card. As much or as little as you want to write. NO stamps are needed, and you can put stickers on them, even put your email address in if you want, etc… I sometimes have included an email address.  Anyway, the guidelines are also listed in the URL:
http://www.operationchristmascard.org/Participation_Info.html

This is one of the most precious things I think I do now for the holidays. To give a kind word or a few words to let those who are far away from home, family and loved ones fighting for all of us…

Please even if you only have time to do even a few cards, it is truly worth it. Where to mail them is in the site.