I had been scheduled for neck and lower back surgery and rescheduled about 4 times from March
till May. There was not way I could trust her, even for a day without me going to check k on her, so
I turned off the gas to the stove, to the heater, it was not cold anymore anyway, and then she just
stopped eating. She began to lose weight, and nothing fit her. She could not take her medications
correctly, and would either take them twice, or not at all, mostly, not at all. I even had them in a
holder, but she did not know what day of the week it was.
By, May, I had to have help, Her doctor gave us a "script" for home health. The more I was at her
home, I began to notice, that the house, that always was spotless... things she would never let go
or get dirty, were terrible. She had not been sweeping, the bathroom was terrible, and she had
ants everywhere. It took me weeks to finally get rid of all of the ants.
By May, Mom became mainly bedridden. She was "barely knew where she was, who she was, who
anyone was", she would not even get on the bedside to clean up, or to get on the portable potty.
Then anytime the nurse, the aid, or even I barely touched her to get her cleaned up, she would
CRY and fuss, and say were were abusing her and that “I” should be ashamed of myself ofr
allowing this all to happen.
She fell again right at the 1st of June, and the nurse for the home health wanted her to be taken to
ER. I said NO, her wishes are NOT to be transported, nor on medications or machines, she did not
want any tests, no blood work, she just wanted to be left alone. But, that nurse called the
ambulance, and after much griping, I let them take her, which was a mistake. They did NOTHING
for her, kept her overnight, in a bed, no medications, nothing. They sent her home the next
EVENING, now this was like 7PM after being at the hospital all day long and no one doing
anything, and then they expected ME TO GET HER UP TWO STAIRS, INTO HER HOUSE, AND IN
THE BED BY MYSELF!
I almost fell, she almost fell, and it was the last time I heard her "laugh"... I said MOM, dammit,
YOU HAVE TO TAKE TWO STEPS UP, then I can get the walker, and between it, and me helping,
we can get this done, BUT I cannot carry you up these steps, and if you fall, I fall, and we both will
be in deep "do'do"! She actually kind of giggled, as the neighbor saw us, and she came to help,
and we made it in, and made it to the bed. But, I really hurt my neck and back again, and felt it
when I did.
It was exactly one week later, on a Thursday morning, I went in to give her the medications
"Hospice" was giving her as comfort meds... and I knew then, she would not make it through the
day.
About 10AM, something just told me to go in there, and by now she was not responsive at all,
nothing. So, I sat down beside her, on the left side, took her tiny frail hand in mine, and began
singing 3 Hymns that she always loved to her Dad sing.
I finished the last few words of "Pearly White City", she took a breath, and she was gone.
Oddly enough, the Hospice Nurse knocked on the door within a few minutes, so she came in, took
Mom's "pulse", they must check it for 5 minutes before they can "pronounce" them gone. She
called the Funeral home for me, and once they arrived, I left and went to "Urgent Care" myself. I
had been sick for two weeks so, while I knew I had that time to go and take care of me for a bit, I
did. I had already bought her a blouse, and pants, and I took those to the funeral home, picked out
the casket, etc. and began to try and "decompress" from all of the shock of it all.
From there, of course family called, and friends, and those who needed to be called.
