LOTS of things going on... here is just a bit of an update on some of my Ordeal! Cars, Taking care of a Home, with you are "disabled" and by yourself, warranties, doctors, lab tests and you name it!

I've not said much about what all has been going on over the past 2 weeks... I had several "decisions" I really needed to make, especially after getting "scammed" over the whole having my home painted, boards repaired and so forth, and yet he got away with MUCH MORE money than the job was worth for sure. I am in the process of filing a "civil suit" against him, but I am sure I probably won't see a dime of money, nor any more work done... so I've been doing "as much as I can" to get it finished, plus I've got trees that are still in desperate need of getting really pruned back or I fear I will lose them, and I have no 2 or 3 in a row in the back on the same fence line that have all died. One of them in the past 2 weeks or so suddenly, what I thought was just "winterizing" itself, no, a huge portion of it is dead I believe, and I am not sure what the heck is going on. There is a huge one that died and i still don't have it all down... 

right beside it, then another smaller one, plus the "neighbors" on one side of me put up a "privacy fence" and I know "why" but I will keep quiet at the moment, BUT, it was further into the "back lot" so I didn't know about it, which is fine, BUT THEY EITHER KILLED A TREE, OR SOMETHING AND IT IS ON THEIR SIDE OF THAT FENCE, BUT THE ENTIRE TREE THAT IS DEAD FELL ON MY PROPERTY ON THIS SIDE OF THE FENCE! I WAS so pissed, but the other is not much better. They built the HUGE GARAGE, that now with no rain, the "foundation" has pulled away from the ground all around it, which really does not matter to me, 

BUT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AWAY WITH ALL OF THE JUNK, that was in the two "sheds" and i mean LOADS AND LOADS OF JUNK, they hauled away flat bed trailers full several times, yet rather than get rid of it all, HE BUILT THE GARAGE THEN STILL HAS A HUGE PILE OF NOTHING BUT JUNK BEHIND IT! Well in the first place, he was supposed to get rid of all of that, and in the 2nd I NOW SEE IT, SINCE THERE IS NO FENCE, AND THOSE OLD BUILDINGS THAT WERE KIND OF THE FENCE ARE GONE, and part of those dead trees are on his property line, so now I think that is where lots of the problems are coming from with mice, and Lord knows snakes and everything else, piled within and under all of this "stuff" that I cannot fathom to even wonder about... anyway I got "rid" of Leasing and "bought" my car permanently, a good move since the interest rate was .9% (less than 1 %)!!!! and now I don't have to worry over when this one is paid for, no more "leasing" or decisions, it's mine, and that is just how it is... 

anyway, more money than I really wanted once again to have to think about dealing with, but a good move in order to avoid either paying "out the lease" in 24 more months OR leasing again and so forth... my ceiling fan (new one) new enough I put it up I believe last summer before I fell and broke my hip... I thought it was a $6.00 part and I ordered it, replaced it, even had my son "recheck" to make sure I was correct, and THE DAMNED THING HUMS, BUT WON'T TURN THE BLADES, so I had to buy another damned ceiling fan, this time, I got it from Home Depot and got an extended warranty on it... I usually never do that, but now with my situation as it is, and I no longer can put the thing up myself, and besides they are much more expensive than the others I bought, so at least the thing is covered for 5 years or more... so if something goes out, at least it will be replaced, without me being out another load of money again.... and I didn't go to the "GI' doctor today... the weather is horrible, and we are supposed to have rain at any moment, and with it being Halloween, and terrible weather moving in, and I already am not feeling very well. In fact, I "thought" I may have "pneumonia" or some type of sinus infection or something.. This weather is really causing many people to get sick all of a sudden...

I was wearing shorts and a sleeveless top not a week ago, and yesterday it was a beautiful day, but the wind was so cool, that it makes me have problems breathing to get in that cold wind, and today, now it looks like it is going to come a flood at any moment, dreary and really cool, not as windy but the wind is also almost cold, with it cloudy like it is.... so we know TX weather, burn up one moment, in an hour be freezing... so here is my 2018 Prius C - this one happens to have everything but the "kitchen sink" in it, but I was not thrilled with the "black pearl" color.... any "darker" color cars in hot TX weather, just really suck... but it was almost less expensive than the 2016, and has a lot more things upgraded, even the rims and wheels, it has a GPS system, back up system, it tells me if I "get out of my lane" high beams that will "dim" on oncoming traffic themselves, and even has XMsirus radio I noticed, and "Gracenote"... and with that I will NOTE, I BROUGHT THE MANUALS IN FOR IT YESTERDAY, AND NO CRAP THEY ARE ABOUT ALL TOGETHER 5 INCHES THICK! It would take a "law degree" LOL, to read and understand all of the crap these cars now days do..... so I am somewhat "under the weather" but not just physically, more also emotionally and mentally, with all that has happened in the past about 4 to 6 weeks... I've been upset with myself because I've not been keeping my blog up and so forth. I never allow myself NOT to keep the blog and my newspaper current, but I've been so busy outside everyday trying to finish up as much as I can on the house, that most everything else has been on hold...

Health... Lab Work... and Issues about different doctors', tests and so forth...

Now quickly, I have "developed" a couple of "new issues" that I was NOT thrilled with from the lab work i had done before my appt yesterday. I have never had "thyroid" problems, and they have checked it every 3 months for a long time, but yesterday I do have "High above normal" on my TSH, which I think means my body is "making not enough" or it's not coming from the gland as it should. So, they did another blood test yesterday. We shall see how it comes out. 

My Grandmother and my Aunt on my Mom's side both had thyroid problems, and both took medication for many years. Then my Vitamin "D" levels were very low, which in a way does not make sense. All of the things in my diet that I eat on a regular basis "should" have it up but it's not, and that could be from the RA, Lupus, and/or medications I am on. Plus my Calcium levels are very low, which really does not make sense because i eat low fat cottage cheese, or fat free, yogurt, I use Almond Milk all of which contain lots of Calcium, plus I eat not all the time, but I do eat Sharp Cheddar Cheese when I eat cheese, and I buy the lower in fat on it also, it comes now in 2% milk fat. 

I also have lower Protein levels which again, I am not a "meat eater" but I do eat peanut butter, I made my FIRST BATCH OF MIXED NUT BUTTER OVER THE WEEKEND! It turned out awesome! It will cost me about 50% LESS to buy the nuts, and make it myself, with no added sugars, salts (if I buy unsalted nuts", plus no preservatives, and nothing in it, but NUTS! I did a mixture of Almonds, Cashews, Walnuts, Macadamia nuts, Pistachio nuts, a few pecans, Brazil Nuts, and I think one other one, but no Peanuts in this one, I eat Peanut Butter so I didn't want peanuts in the "other nut butter" as I call it. So, I will probably make both my own Peanut butter and other nut butters from now on. It's easy, and does not take but a few minutes in the food processor. I have to refrigerate it, since it has no preservatives, but I have been doing that anyway.

Then of course my Anemia is still "with me". It is still there, but as my doctor said, it seems to kind of be finally "holding steady" so rather than "set up" something else other than my B-12 injections, we are just watching it. The RA and Lupus cause that also. Then my "Parathyroid" tests were very "High" above normal. I didn't realize that they have a great deal to do with kidney functions. But, Vitamin D (which I am low on) has an effect on the "parathyroid functions" and of course Calcium and Vitamin D effect one another. 
Your body does not absorb "Calcium" as efficiently if the Vit. D is low, I believe. I knew they effect 
one another. So, I am getting a "prescription" strength Vitamin D, and he called in the Calcium also, But, I feel like insurance will not pay for the Calcium, and I remembered that Humana actually pays for like 50.00 in "over the counter" meds if I order them through their mail order service. So, I can get the Calcium through there since I have that allowance I can use to pay for anything that the insurance as far as prescription does not cover. 

He said I show "very, very mild and early" kidney function issues, but again, nothing to worry over, and probably the RA has a great deal to do with that problem. The other thing and it's been going on for a while now is that my "bracycardia" (slow heart beat) was REALLY SLOW YESTERDAY! 49 beats a minute, which is very slow. I know medication they can cause it, but it concerned me. One of my medications for my heart that is a factor in that issue also. I've cut back, way back on one of my medications, because it also causes the heart rate to be slower.
 
The "Barrett's Esophagus" he wants me to see a GI doctor! Dammit, I don't want to have to go to yet another new specialist. I am already up to my ears in specialists and I am sick and tired of having to get a new one for every little thing that comes up. When I had the endoscopy done and they found the Barrett's, my doctor just sent an order over to one of the general surgeon's and I thought that would be enough. THEN if the "Barrett's" shows signs of dysplasia or changes, THEN SEND ME to a specialist. 

Finding some kind of "Quiet" in all of the Chaotic Realms of my Own Daily Life, what I want, what I need to do, and why I am NOT doing some of the things I think I "want" to do... as I said "chaotic"

If I sound "off" today, I feel "off".... I've been having so many nightmares, or just plain terrible dreams, I even began waking myself up and writing them down... and my sleep is all off schedule... I get up way earlier than I had been, and by the time 9PM comes around, I am ready to lay down. I try to watch a movie, and sometimes I do, other times I wake up and the movie is over, and the TV is still on... and the weather is really messing with me... although it is warm here, our humidity levels are so high, it appears as if it has rained, and I even Peanut acting a bit "off" ... we did have a full moon, but this has been going on now with me for several weeks. I "think" I am just sick of being in the house so much, and although I have a billion things I can do, for the most part, I just cannot get motivated enough to do them. I've thought it was my diet, so I went back to eating breakfast earlier, like I did while in the hospital...

 so I try to eat by about 8:30AM or so, but then by 2PM, which is too late to eat "lunch" because I eat dinner by about 5:45 for the most part, so I even made some of my own homemade granola... I have to get more stuff to go into it, but it turned out good, and this way I can keep out the nuts and stuff that my dentures just cannot take... I bought some "trail mix" and they have whole almonds in it, and even when I chopped them up more, I still cannot chew or bite on an almond, they are just too hard, and oddly enough, I like the "flavor" of almonds, but I am not crazy about the nuts themselves... I love walnuts, and they are a bit less hard, but I realized while I was looking for granola recipes, you can even put like Cheerios cereal in it, and other things I had not thought about... I used "brown sugar Splenda" in it and a little bit of honey... then put my favorite spices, allspice, cinnamon, cardamon, ginger, and nutmeg... 

and I had a few dried dates, and I took the dried cranberries out of the trail mix, and they had some dried cherries in it... plus I put coconut in it before I put it in the oven... I want to get it a bit "chunkier" though... so probably more honey or brown sugar, so it will "stick together" a bit more... then I need to grab several of my favorite dried fruits to go in it, and those now are easy to find... anyway, I am just having a tough time trying to figure out where to "stick myself"... I came down with a sore throat the last couple of days, and I know everywhere in Ennis I go people are coughing and sneezing, and hoarse, and the flu, and some other viral stuff is going around, plus lots of people are suffering from pneumonia, which I HOPE that new vaccine I took early in the fall helps to keep me away from the pneumonia.. I had it like 2 or 3 years in a row, twice in both lungs, so I don't want any of that if I can stay the heck well. Besides if I come down with something like that it delays my possible new RA medication, and/or my neck surgery... and then this morning, for some odd reason, I was getting up off the sofa, and "hit" the nerve I guess going down my left leg...

 I NEVER usually have issues with that side, but it burned and stung like I was on fire... so I am not sure, if I happened to have "rolled" on it getting up or if my lower back is acting up, but this time on my left side... when I've had kidney stones, my left side usually hurts worse than the right. So, I first thought oh crap, not a kidney stone... but it is more I think all weather related... my hip and right leg have hurt now for about 3 days or so... I even have been getting Peanut on his leash, and the days it is nice outside, we walk 4 or 5 times during the day.... he loves it ... and he got upset with me this morning. I had to go around to the back and get one of the smaller tree limbs that I need to get into the trash, plus I had a whole trash can full of limbs and tomorrow is trash day. I always try and bring the cans up to the side of my house, especially if we have bad weather, so I don't have to go around to the back if it is rainy or cold... so he was upset. I could not hold his leash, and try and bring the limb and the can up to the front... but I had him out for a little while to pick up the newspapers, and it is still damp outside... I figure it will either "cure me" or "kill me: as the saying goes, to get out and walk around for a bit...

 I've got fire ants coming out again, so it is time to get the fire any granules out, but also time to spread the granules out I buy for spring and summer. I have to do it early as of now, since we have basically not "had any real winter weather yet" so the bugs, ants, and every other kind of insect, fleas, will be in the yard if I don't get them under control BEFORE they start.. Anyway, Lots of things I could do, and I need a cabinet, preferably with doors on it. I want to take all of my tools and such I have on two tables in my back bedroom, and get them organized into the cabinet, and off those tables... The room is a damned mess... and although it is my own "controlled chaos" (I KNOW where everything is) still it looks horrible, and I've got to go through some boxes of stuff and throw away some things... but I have so many "hand tools" like pliers, screwdrivers, my cordless drills, and nails and the list of "things" I keep and need the small stuff, just needs to be organized, and put away neatly so I can get that room painted, and get the window repaired that is still broken from hail over 2 YEARS ago,...

 I fear anytime one of these bad winds will come, and it will knock out my "duct taped" window, and I will be up the creek - and mad because I have not fixed it yet... so I have MANY PROJECTS, like my writing, around the house, my advocacy stuff, and my lists go on and on, but my "motivation" is lacking right now.... I just cannot stand to "feel this way"... like I am kind of "lost" in my own sea of "stuff" and can't find which way to get my bearings and "sail" the path that I 1st need to, then go from there... I SWORE TO MYSELF after I got home from the hip fractures, I WOULD WRITE THIS NEXT BOOK... yet I continue to "not be able" to "begin" ... I almost feel like starting at the "back of the book" and work forward, rather than beginning and then coming to an end... the "latest" things to go in there are very fresh in my mind, thus the other stuff is already written down, but i must wade through all of it, and get it in some type of organized chaos, so it will half-assed make sense to whomever reads it...

 I have my drums and keyboard, BUT the right leg, will be the one along with the right foot for the bass... and the type of exercise I would get from "banging" on the drums maybe actually good for my hip and foot... it may help to strengthen those muscles both in my upper leg and in the foot also... My crap with the writing also has to do with my shoulder, and neck... and actually my lower back also, and might as well admit it my hands and wrists... When I sit here for very long, typing etc. my shoulders, neck, wrists, fingers and lower back begin to just burn... from the impinged nerves... and now the RA has gotten to the place my thumbs, wrists, and portions between my fingers are swollen, and stiff and it hurts to type for very long... I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GET THE HECK OUT OF THE HOUSE OVERNIGHT, THEN GET MY NEW PUPPY... AND try to take all of the chaotic crap, I "feel" I need to do, and sit down to re-organize my priorities again... I've drifted again between those things I "want" to do, and those things I feel I NEED to do... and what lies in between is a bunch of stuff, that keeps me in knots half the time....

MORE CRAZINESS INVOLVING the CDC and them NOT WANTING DOCTORS TO ASK A PATIENT ABOUT THEIR PAIN LEVELS AS FAR AS A 5TH VITAL SIGN!!!! JUST PURE INSANITY!

Please read and sign the petition below to President Obama and how you feel about this Opioid bull!!!!


http://www.medpagetoday.com/PublicHealthPolicy/PublicHealth/57336?xid=nl_mpt_DHE_2016-04-14&eun=g773630d0r



This is titiled "TO STOP DOCTORS FORM ASKING ABOUT"A FIFTH ISSUE WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR PHYSICIAN, AND THAT IS ASKING ABOUT YOUR PAIN, AND PAIN LEVEL!"

http://www.medpagetoday.com/PublicHealthPolicy/PublicHealth/57336

Talk about another load of CRAP!!!! If a patient comes in with anything that a physician KNOWS causes pain, why would they NOT ask the patient what their pain level was, had been and what is "tolerable?" I am SO SICK of the CC, the government, Congress and all of these "opioid fearful people causing havoc for us Chronic Pain patients who like myself when I go to my Rheumatologist Friday, HE SHOULD want To KNOW my PAIN, then, the past few months and what is TOLERABLE? How do we or HE know if my MEDICATIONS ARE WORKING? If he does NOT ask the Questions about pain, the inflammation, and so forth he would NOT know... this is simply ridiculous!

This is purely incidious! How can a doctor NOT ask a patient who comes to see them especially with any illness, whether chronic or acute what their "level of pain is" as a "vital sign"? In the first place, if you leg is broken, or you are having heart problems such as a heart attack that in itself can cause PAIN!

 

Then take Pain Doctors who see chronically ill pain patients, or like above my Rheumatologist who bases a portion of their "diagnosis" updates on how a patient's pain level is, whether worse, better, the same, and so forth... I swear with each day, and each article I want to fly to Georgia and tell the CDC, along with being in Congress, my story, then ask them, HOW LONG THEY WOULD GO WITHOUT ANY PAIN MEDICATIONS IF THEIR SITUATION WAS LIKE MYSELF AND MANY OTHERS? If they have a loved one that is in severe pain from a spinal injury, or chronic severe disease, or has Lupus, RA, and even osteoarthritis, as my Mom can testify lately, causes her SO MUCH PAIN, without a pain pill, SHE LITERALLY CANNOT GET OUT OF BED AT ALL, PERIOD! I felt she may "pass away" on Monday, because I got there and she was in so much pain, AND APPEARED TO BE SO ILL, I FELT SHE WOULD NOT MAKE IT ANOTHER DAY!

I GAVE HER, her pain medication properly, her other medications for her blood pressure and so forth, and made sure she had some beside her with direction on when to take them, and by TUESDAY, she was UP AND OUT OF THE BED! Yesterday, she was up and able to do a "few things" rather than be CONFINED TO A BED! So, I want the CDC TO EXPLAIN WHY I WOULD ALLOW MY MOM TO SUFFER NEEDLESSLY TO THE POINT SHE WAS CONFINED TO HER BED, WHICH WOULD ONLY CAUSE MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS, AND POSSIBLY SEND HER TO THE HOSPITAL, RATHER THAN MAKE SURE SHE TAKES HER PROPER PAIN MEDICATION????? I am SICK TO MY STOMACH, AT THIS CRAP OVER ABUSERS, AND USERS... WHO FOR THE MOST PART BY THE MEDICATIONS VIA THE BLACK MARKET, OR FROM OVERSEAS, AND NOT FROM A REPUTABLE PHYSICIAN! 

THOSE THAT SELL HEROIN, ALSO HAVE THEIR HANDS ON EVERY TYPE OF MEDICATIONS, WHETHER THEY BE OPIOIDS, AND DOWN THE LINE... AND THEY CERTAINLY ARE NOT GETTING THEM FROM A REAL PHYSICIAN... THEY ARE GETTING THEM THROUGH SOURCES AND SELLING THEM ILLEGALLY TO THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO ABUSE!!!!!! 

I want to SCREAM OUT to these fools that THE MAJORITY OF US ARE NOT ABUSERS! We are people that NEED TO BE OUT OF THE BED AND LIVING OUR LIVES LIKE MY MOM! AND, our medications do NOT REMOVE ALL OF THE PAIN... but MAKE IT TOLERABLE ENOUGH TO GO ON for the most part. I STILL LIKE THIS WEEK, HAVE MY DAYS THAT THE WEATHER, WHAT I HAVE TO DO THAT WEEK, from TAKING OUT THE TRASH TO THE CURB, TO SOMETIMES JUST HAVING TO RUN TOO MANY PLACES FOR ERRANDS FOR MY MOM AND I... AND IT WILL PUT ME DOWN FOR A DAY OR TWO, OR THREE... BUT I CAN TELL YOU I would be DEAD, and in ASHES, if I HAD TO LIVE EVERYDAY IN THE SEVERITY OF PAIN with NO medications! There is NO WAY MY BODY could WITHSTAND THAT SERIOUS AMOUNT OF INTRACTABLE PAIN!!! Pain EFFECTS YOUR HEART, AND OTHER REALMS OF THE BODY, and my BODY WOULD GIVE WAY, AND I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE A 3RD HEART ATTACK IF I HAD TO LIVE IN SEVERE CHRONIC PAIN EVERY DAY!!!! SO PEOPLE GET A GRIP AND LEARN THE TRUE FACTS OF THE STORY... WE KEEP HEARING "ONE SIDE" AND NOT THE OTHER......

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trying to Live Life In A Moment... And Trying to Find my Way once again alone... to a "new Chaotic abnormal"....

  Once again as the holidays grow near, I find myself struggling for what the true meaning of being Thankful is, what pure love is, and dealing with more heartache than I at times knew possible. I began my Annual Christmas Letter yesterday. I've made it a tradition now for many years to write a letter about life during that year, and share it with the few people, family etc that I send cards to. I always feel it makes even those far away feel "closer" to myself, and family. Yet, I had word this afternoon, a dear friend of mine,
sent me a message, and a spouse of 18 years or so, left. I am not sure of the details, but much like my own situation, not sure of the reasoning behind walking out the door. No truthful explanation, nothing... just walk out and let the door slam... I feel a deep sadness this evening, for my friend, and another friend of mine that also had the same thing happen last year during the holidays. Her husband of 20 plus years, did the same thing, just walked out the door and left... and again, under circumstances of dealing with really severe health problems, and when she needed him the most, he walked out.


When I took my vows in Vegas 10 years ago, and I wrote them myself, I meant every word I said... and for years and years, ever since we had moved into this house and made it "our home" mine, and his he wrote to me, along with our marriage certificate were framed and right here at my desk, plus the bouquet I carried hangs above them. They served as a reminder for me, that I had promised, forever, to grow old together, that we "paralleled one another and then met as one, just like two stars combining and intertwining and I would never allow anything of "life" to break us apart. I almost could say that entire vow, for years... and then, it totally was just "words on paper", "words spoke", mine from the heart I vowed, and I do not give up easily. But, whatever "happened"... I have had to "guess"... was it me, what all did I do to make him walk out the door? We had a few arguments, and both of us would of course in "defense mode" would come out with some terrible and say it to one another. But mine was truly just defending my own self, and not meant in truth. Yet, it was taken that way. But, still, I thought well, it was my surgeries and being chronically ill... not so... I was ALREADY CHRONICALLY ILL AND DEALING WITH CHRONIC PAIN WHEN WE MET! He knew before we moved back to TX, he knew before he proposed... In fact, I had filed for my complete disability about 6 months after we met one another... so "my health issues" although in 2007 through some of 2009 meant lots of surgery... yet, I did not expect to be down for "months" and was usually up and around ASAP... I did not want to be a "burden"...
No different than the accident he was in, March 2014... the 26th day of that month totally changed our lives, in so many, many ways... and even before he came out of the hospital, I told him, we would together find a "new
normal"... and he always talked about us growing old together. and sitting on a porch swing talking and laughing and always being together... Yet, here I sit alone, with Bub's... and he is thousands of miles away, states away... and till yet, I still don't know from him directly WHY? But, I have had to try and put one foot in front of the other, and find another new chaotic abnormal life for me. My Mom really got mad at me, then was in awe that I hung the ceiling fan MYSELF! She knew how badly I was hurting afterward, yet she told me today, she could never be as strong as me, or as intelligent as me, and that as the years pass, I amaze her at all I know, and do, in spite of how badly I hurt every day, and the illnesses try their best to take me down, and I won't let them... I refuse to give into the pain, or Lupus, RA, Sjogren's.. and now I have began to have horrible, terrible headaches again... I fear the migraines maybe back... and they had been gone for years... all but the ones with a Lupus flare... When I told her I put the new "insides" in my kitchen faucet today, she looked at me once again and said, "I would not even know what to do, what I needed or where to get it"... and I just said "Mom, I have lived all my life HAVING TO learn to do things myself.I never had the luxury of getting someone to put up a ceiling fan, or fix my lawnmower, or stop a dripping faucet, or paint the house, and the list goes on and on... change a flat, I just got through charging the battery on her car... and again, she could not believe I knew just what to do.... again, necessity makes you learn to do many things.... Yet, in all of that, I find sadness in the coming weeks. I am trying to get a new fur-kid for Christmas... and the woman that needs to come by for a house visit, will come next Monday...so I hope and pray that everything she sees is fine, and that Bub's gets along with a pup she is bringing... he always got along with Tazzer's, and with other pups at the Vet, etc... so I think he will be thrilled, I hope, and not jealous... He has became extremely protective of me, since Tazz passed away, and James no longer here... as far as people around me, he is not thrilled at all... So, I may have people judging me, I am trying to find things I can do, while I hopefully still can do them, that I enjoyed for so many years. In fact, I even "banged" on my drums for a bit today! Bless Bub's heart and the neighbors ears....HAHA... but that is why my Xmas present early to myself, the western boots and jeans... I want to go to the new place that opened here and see if I can find a couple of people my age that I can become friends with... and

I joined the church for the same reasons... plus the new pup will give new "life" to my home... yet, my home is in desperate need of so much work.. and since the suit money fell through, (I was going to put whatever bit I may have gotten into fixing my home up)... I still need it painted outside, and some rotten boards off the bottom fixed, I desperately need a new roof, and the floors laid in the kitchen, bath, and laundry room. 
... plus I have new carpet for the music and spare bedroom, but it needs painting first, and ALL of the windows are in terrible shape. I am trying to get around to repairing them with the push pins and glazing, but it takes time and those windows are so brittle, I still have one completely cracked in the back, thank goodness it can't be seen, but it could fall out at any time, and then another one in that same room someone put "caulk" in a crack in it, so it needs to be replaced... then about a month ago... I think something happened but not sure what, I found a crack in one of my bedroom windows too.... I need a new fence all around my back yard, but I have a couple of dead trees in the fence line that need to be cut down... I have done some of it myself... and I am just going to put "hog wire" fencing or something inexpensive up... but again all of it takes time and money. Plus there are some things like laying the flooring, finishing the bathroom lights and fan... putting up the wall boards in my laundry room and so forth, that I can't do by myself... physically some of it I know I cannot do... I can't get in the attic to wire the lights and bath fan... I just would not feel easy doing that big of a job... and I can paint, but in some places outside my home is much taller than I would at my age, and especially with all of my neck, back, and osteoporosis issues, I would not chance falling...


I still face surgery for the new pain pump and I really need the lower back surgery. After this past couple of weeks, I realize I need that repaired too, or it is going to just get worse... and I am still dealing with the "wounds" from the abscesses and that is another thing, I have to drive by myself again up there and deal with that alone... it sucks... not that I can't but it still sucks... so I turn UP the radio and sing every song on the Radio as I drive... and block out the memories that still "haunt me"... kind of like the Brooks and Dunn song... one of their early ones... the Kix sang... Love may "die" but it "never leaves"... it is like "shackles and chains in a ghost like way, when it comes to loves memories... so true... and again it brings me back to what I want on my grave stone... "Here lies a girl who got everything she wanted, and who could ask for more.. Than to be Living in A Moment... You would die for... Ty Herndon was kind of a one hit wonder I think, but his song hit me strong years ago, and never forget those words... "to be living in a moment, loving every minute, living in a moment, you would die for".....

Thus the Lyrics...

Living in A Moment...

Well the world just lost two lonely people
The world just lost two broken hearts
The odds were against it but baby here we are

In our own little place in our own little corner
This old cold world just got a little warmer
For the rest of my life I'm gonna hold you in my arms

And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for

If you never get rich on what money can buy
It don't matter to me, I'll tell you why
I've got it all when I'm holding you this way

I'll live to love you, I'd die to keep you
Safe inside these arms that need you
I'll be loving you with the very last breath I take

And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for

Ashes to ashes
Dust into dust
I'll lay beside you
Forever in love

And when they carve my stone all they'll need to write on it
Is 'Once lived a man who got all he ever wanted'
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment, loving every minute
Tell me something, who could ask for more?
Than to be living in a moment you would die for

Living in a moment you would die for
Oh baby, I'm living in a moment I would die for
Oh, living in a moment I would die for

 

Ty Herndon - Living In A Moment Lyrics | MetroLyrics