Chaos, Life, Love, Chronic Illnesses, and Chronic Pain...

Unless you have never used a computer; the internet, IP address... you couldn’t possibly not know how much people GAIN online. Friendships, long lasting relationships, new friends ...yes there are the "rotten ones" who try and screw things you do for people enjoying here or wherever life takes you.

It’s been nothing but, chaos, still in wars, spending budget of a TRILLION DOLLARS Ridiculous! THEN WE allow them to pull these stunts that are driving our good doctors to retire or not see certain Patients.

Due to the DEA and all on FDA, ALL of Congress & House of Reps, for legitimate chronic pain patients of all kinds. Ruining our lives, having no close person who has gone through this.THIS HORRIBLE, at times out of control pain is causing people with extreme pain, to find another opportunity or mode to help with the chronic pain.

I am so totally disgusted with ALL of our supposedly voted officials. They sure haven’t

HEARD THE PEOPLE! We are supposed to have many FREEDOMS!  Yet the government has a say over it one way or the other .I feel the ENTIRE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT need to removed ad we need SMART AND HONEST in D.C.

We; as a nation with all of these highly intelligent people in our 50 states; we could have the best…of the best. PEOPLE NEED THEIR FREEDOMS BACK!

It’s asinine what goes on in the Medical Community. What is so much more disturbing is just HOW deep along are just the the governments untold stories, the lies, the corruption, taking rights away of the people…..

It’s like an earthquake not showing at 1st. It’s the RUMBLINGS we Hear. THIS is ALL of our governmental  bodies. They are rumbling and soon huge fractures will divide many of us. I almost fear (not in my lifetime) another “civil war”…people are getting fed up. 

I’ve seen it, walked through it, bogged down in it, done it, regretted it, been there …literally wrote two published books and I’m working on a couple of new ones. If I look I probably have a T-shirt with it, journals full are filled and over flowing..I’ve been so bowled over; with you & it’s like the rushing water pouring over a waterfall….. fresh, pure, true.

I’ve not touched in this writing piece about my health issues, nor any other personal issues. I DO  and WILL share my journey…

It is long and tedious. It’s time taken away, surgeries, doctors, medications, side effects,  and everything in between.

Chronically Ill people generally have some type of “chronic pain issue” also. They tend to work hand in hand. It began for me when I was about 14 years old. I had my right knee torn up playing baseball with some friends. One kid used me instead of 2nd base. He slid into my leg and tore the cartilage in my knee. I had already had a tonsillectomy when I was about 11 years old.

As I work on finishing my “autobiography” it includes ILLNESS, HEALTH and so forth. It also WILL POUR out what else has happened to me even before the health issues. I have a “hole” in me…I have “scars” I can talk about now…

I’ve been so frightened at 14 years old that I couldn’t even tell my Dad. In fact, I couldn’t go to my Mom at first. I went to our next door neighbor. She was a nurse and like a “2nd Mom” to me.

I won’t go into details here; but I am sure although we didn’t have the term “PTSD”; that is certainly what I had.

Life has ebbed and flowed; it has almost drowned me, tormented me and ‘brings me down to my knees” …sobbing inconsolably. I have stood upon the top of one of the highest peaks in Colorado. I jumped what seemed like “STRAIGHT DOWN” from atop that mountain into snow over head deep if you ever lost a ski or lost your footing.  Those ‘double black diamonds” slopes were THE best! What a rush!

I never had one thought about packing up and moving to Austin, to California… I loved driving trips! I would get in my car, and drive half way from Seattle to Lancaster CA. I have a dear friend there. In fact I lived there about 4 months.

I drove from Phoenix AZ to Nebraska! I thought the drive from Nebraska to just South of Dallas Texas would be endless. There was literally nothing for miles and miles to see. Flat land, no houses, no place to buy anything. I felt like the world just maybe flat and I missed Texas somewhere the drive was so long.

Anyone who has never been to Texas…or you have not driven through Texas, it is one HUGE state. From North to South down to Brownsville and at the Mexico border is a days drive!

Already had 2 major knee surgeries before I was 22 years old. I also already had “signs” of osteoarthritis. Back then the doctors said it was an “old” person’s illness; young people don’t have arthritis. LITTLE did they know then.

I lived my life “bass ackwards” When I was a teenager I was at home, with my music, my writing, dancing, piano and I didn’t do what “normal” teenagers did. My Dad was extremely overprotective. When I was single; in my early twenties, I acted like a teenager. It really continued throughout my entire life. At times I do stuff most grown ups would be what the hell is she thinking? I have to laugh.   ahh…I shall continue……

I have a “soft spot” for others hurting. Whether it is a physical pain, emotional, mental anguish, or someone just needing to “vent” I am always “listening”, “watching” and paying close attention. After some of the things I waded through; my whole purpose I feel is to help others. 

I understand how it feels to NEED someone to just ”listen” let me ramble..and I am over it. You shall see me REALLY get a bit (more than a bit)  peeved when I feel there is an injustice happening to a person or a group of people.

It RIPS my soul to see someone mistreated. As many wonderful people there still are in this world; there are also MANY that have total disregard for others. You will see me come unglued at times; because I just cannot stand the thought of anyone being harmed in any form. 

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cry much more than I admit. I am so soft hearted; I sometimes “forget” how cruel some people can be. That includes some Doctors and others working in the Medical field. I’ve certainly went through my share of doctors that should remember their “code”.. DO NO HARM! 

I have one that is who did my cervical neck surgery and he did my reverse shoulder replacement well before anyone else in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. He is an incredible surgeon. But he lacks having a good bedside manner. He also does not like an “educated” patient. He and I got into it over a CT Scan of my neck before my 2nd cervical neck surgery. 

I said something about the CT Scan NOT showing as much damage as was in my cervical spine. He asked me if I was a “Radiologist”! I said “NO” but I know my body. Plus, every time I have ever had a CT Scan before a surgery, when they do surgery the doctors come out and say things were much worse than the CT Scans. He upset me so badly I got up, walked out sobbing. 

After he did the surgery, he came after I woke up and apologized to me. He admitted I was correct. I know he really did NOT want to admit I was right. But, he did. Of course, I am not an expert. I realize that many of us with “chronic health issues and/or chronic pain KNOW how we feel. We also have educated ourselves. We must watch out for ourselves the way things are now.

Everything is so much different than even 10 years ago. I used to go to one doctor who took care of most anything. I am fortunate to have an incredible Primary Care Physician.  I became his patient (one of the first) when he first arrived here. He is brilliant. He knows more about Lupus, RA, and ALL of my other health issues. I can send him a message through the portal and if he is in the office, I have an answer that day. 

Thanksgiving - "Stay At Home" - go to see others, or already ill? things are so very up in the air & confusing!

 

COVID-19 and FEAR are Running Rampant this Holiday Season and Year! Everyone is physically Mentally and Emotionally "Unwound" and Exhausted.

I really don't have to write, email, say or post one word! It is everywhere, illness, worry, concern, people without jobs, trying to feed families, fear of becoming ill, or already are o have family or friends ill.

So, rather than "post" a very long, drawn out post this morning about all of those things, and I missed, the election, congress, and that mess!

I am going to try and put it simply.  I PRAY for OUR NATION, and our World to come together, for as now MORE THAN EVER EVERYONE NEEDS EVERYONE! I Hope everyone tries to remain as hopeful as possible. I hope each of us give thought to rather going out, staying home, cooking, not cooking, that the choices we make are those that are right our ourselves and family.

My heart bleeds for those who are severely ILL due to COVID-19 OR some other illness, & I pry they get to be well, and well on their way home to living life again.

I hope and pray that all of us try to keep one another from harm's way. Rather than fight, fuss, and do things that sometimes just exacerbate fear, anger and hatred. We show this country and the world WE are more than being bitter and angry. We are kind hearted, sincere, all for getting us back to the goodness we can be in.

So whether HOME, with RELATIVES, FRIENDS, having to work or whatever is thrown our way for the holidays, joy somewhere and a few laughs enter the scene!

With Love, Hope, Kindness and Sincerity, Pam

May you Be Blessed with a Precious, Happy, Healthy, and Wondrous New Year of 2019!

Happy Happy 2019

Wishing for YOURS to be one of good health, wonderful memories, new memories, family, friends, and full of "great surprises"... and not as the end of mine of 2018 has been....


Well, hope 2019 GETS BETTER! The "end" of 2018 has been yet another one for the records, my shower drain has been clogged now for 5 or 6 days, and I've tried everything. I could not find an "old fashioned" type of plunger, so i had to run to 3 places in town till I remembered a hardware store right downtown who keeps EVERYTHING!!! They have been there forever, and keep any and everything especially for the older homes here in town, so I got that, I tried salt, baking soda, vinegar, Dawn dish soap, hot water, bleach, (not all at once of course) and it is not completely stopped up, and it's strange because never have I had issues with my drain on my shower.... it's just odd... well, so it has to be just where my toliet pipe and the drain for the shower pipes meet...because if the shower clogs, I can "plunge" the toliet and then the shower will finally drain... but if I don't let it go down for a bit, then it does not "flood" the toliet, but will back water up in it and "gurgle" and I can plunge that, and it all goes down... so that is ONE issue.... 

a few weeks back, I got a letter from the IRS, about taxes I filed in 2016!!!!!! for the 6 months after Mom passed away... there was not much there, because I did not really "take money" but what little I got was "invested" so I just had a bit of interest to file, which I usually don't file at all because I never even come close with my SS to make enough to file.. but due to the passing away and the stuff with her things, I knew I needed to send in and file mine also for that 6 months, well THEY SCREWED UP OR I DID, the company sent me a form showing, some funds that were "not income" and were supposed to be just a bit of interest like 125.00 and due to the way the financial people sent it in to me, stating this was NOT income (the money invested) they did NOT file it "as income" to the IRS, BUT I guess I missed a form, that should have showed that along with the other forms I filed that did show the interest, and the Form B (I believe a Form D) is also what should have went in, SO the iRA tells me I owe almost 500.00!!!!! which I knew was wrong... so I sat down, got all of my 1099's, all of my other forms from everyone, wrote a letter, sent in the Form D partially done, and asked them to "re-figure" from the forms from the investment company... 

well that has been 8 weeks ago, and I got a letter a couple of days ago stating they GOT my paperwork, they are going over it all, that I don't need to do anything at the time, and they will contact me in about 6 weeks... so I think I am correct, BUT it's the IRS.... so who knows.... they my deep freezer (I had a very small chest type one) that I had hell with the lid not being correct, and they came out three times replaced the lid and even put a new one on, where the hinges are on the back of it, they never held tightly enough and ice would build up down from them inside the freezer after a few weeks... anyway, they never did get it right, but I gave up, kept the one they sent me... it worked fine I just had to watch to make sure the ice didn't build up too much, but a couple of weeks ago, I moved it to get ready to redoing, painting that backroom and thought the old carpet back there felt "damp"... at first I thought it was just the cold, but then I knew it was not "soaking" wet but damp... so I defrosted it, which there was not much in it, found a piece of ice in that drain, I read that could have caused the problem, and figured I would plug it in, 

watch it and see what happens, well it still felt "damp" to me... and I put a mat under it, so I could better watch it and see if I was feeling just "humidity" and cold or actually wet... well, I turned it off, and it said there could be a small "hole" causing a leak that is not hitting the pan under it, so I knew that a couple of times, I had let a huge hen, etc "drop" being so heavy and hit the bottom that it could be a pin hole somewhere, so I "sealed" off any and every place that could have been either a tiny dent, or where maybe the aluminum appeared to maybe have came loose a bit just with age... plugged it in, and I "think" it's okay... it is fine and been freezing, I am not worried about that, but I don't want it seeping water slowly on the carpet, so I did put a mat that keeps it from doing that under it, and am going to watch it for a few days, then put a couple of things in it to see what happens... okay, so then my big light in the back that has a sensor on it for movement suddenly began coming on and off, or staying on for hours etc, and then even came on during the day, so I even turned off the breaker, got up there and made sure everything was pointed correctly, etc... and read sometimes just turning off the breaker and resetting it will remedy the problem, well it did for a few days then it went to doing the same damned thing... 

SO I've had a new one here for a long while, I planned to put on the other end of my house, and I had not gotten around to doing that, so I've been trying to get between the weather, being stupid, raining too cold, or HOT ENOUGH THAT YELLOW JACKETS, BEES AND RED WASPS come out if the weather gets a bit too warm, so either I don't want to fight them, or it's too cold, or too rainy, I finally took out the big halogen bulbs and put in small CFL's for now, so I am not using up a whole wad of electricity on those huge bulbs until I can get that new one up....I had 4 dr's appts from about the 2nd to the 4th week of THIS MONTH, which I went and had my pain pump refilled and called and rescheduled the others until after New Year's, it was too much and especially with the weather and traveling people during the holidays to go to Dallas for a couple of them, so I postponed those...then due to the issues I had with the "prep" for the colonoscopy, I cancelled it, long story, but I cannot do the "prep" the way they want me to, they now want you to drinks 2 32 ounce Gatorade's with 7 DAYS OF MIRALAX IN THEM EACH WITHIN 6 HOURS OF ONE ANOTHER, plus fast which is fine, and then take another pill with it, well I won't go into what happened, but I cannot do that and I won't.... I had a colonoscopy 10 years ago, and did a prep for it. I now they used to use "Go-Lightly" etc but this thing with 14 DAYS OF MIRALAX WITHIN LESS THAN 24 HOURS IS CRAZY!!! 

It made me so sick, I had to cancel both the endoscopy and the colonoscopy... SO I was going to reschedule the endoscopy, which all you do it not each after midnight for that one, and forget that damned colonoscopy for now... well I did one of those "occult cultures" for the colon a few weeks back. I get a phone call from the doctor's office that does the scopes 2 days ago saying that my PCP called and said that the "occult test" came back with "blood showing" in the colon so NOW THEY WANT THAT DAMNED TEST AGAIN!!!! WELL, I TOLD THE nurse I would call AFTER THE NEW YEAR'S HOLIDAY, AND COME IN TO HIS OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT THE ENDOSCOPY WHICH I WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY, BUT we will have to figure out something else on the colonoscopy OR I WILL NOT DO IT!! I refuse to go through what I went through about 8 weeks ago again.. and I know there is probably something else, but between weather, drains, lights, doctors, tests and just bull, 2019 BETTER BE BETTER!!!! I AM so sick and tired of crap.... I feel like my New Year is now even here and I am already cursed!

Wishing All A Happy, Safe, Love Filled, Thanksgiving!

I wish everyone a very Happy, (Safe) if you are driving, Cheerful and thanksgiving full of family, friends, and finding what things in your life you are
 

 

Grateful and Thankful for. Although like some of you, it will be myself, Bella Doxie and Peanut, my daughters family can't make it up this time, and my son is preparing to start a new job, training next week so I won't get to see them. But, I am "thankful" and blessed to have my two grown children, my Grandsons and Granddaughter, A wonderful Son-In-Law, and I am full of joy with my 2 "Little Devils but they are my Best Friends" the two fur-babies, and am Happy to be able to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING to ALL of my "ONLINE FRIENDS"... 

 

so there are things to be thankful for on this day.... I will be reflecting on the past memories of Thanksgiving with my Aunts and Uncles, and Grandparents, and all of the cousins... and how the holidays were so filled with cheer, food, and laughter.... love all around... and wish all a continued "Hope" surrounding you....