May Easter Bring Faith, Hope & A Renewed Sense of Love to All....

Blessings and Hope for This Easter Bring Miracles to our lives...

 I realize times are difficult now, for all of us. Even though we keep Hop, Faith, Love.. in our Hearts.. "The Old Rugged "cross" was always one of my favorite songs & "Up from the Grave He Arose".. trying our best to HOLD ONTO the good things, 

May everyone be Blessed & find Love, & the Lord in Your Heart. This is a day I always remember. Even though it changed dates every year "Easter Sunday" is the day Dad Passed away. It always seemed "fitting" for Him, for he always stood on that Rock of Faith" May each of us find that "rock of Faith" to stand Upon...

 Blessings for Easter and the days ahead...

May The Easter Blessings, Fill your heart with joy, and give you the strength and courage to face tomorrow and the next.... Happy Easter

Because He Lives, We can hold on and face all that this Old World throws in front of us. As we walk through illness, stress, jobs, and all of the "bad" things here on Earth, we CELEBRATE THE GOOD ONES, AND KNOW THAT HE LIVES FOR US!
May you know in your heart on the 3rd Day the stone was rolled away, and Jesus Lives for Us....

Trying to "find a new path" and Easier "lifestyle" for me, because i simply am not able to do all the stuff around my house I need to...

Lots going on, and much of it to do with my house, the lease on my car, and trying to "cut down" on my stress level, on my expenses, and get myself where I can spend more of my time doing the things I want to do, rather than drive myself insane with worry over "fixing" something every week at my house, and my own health, and pouring money into it that it is getting out of hand..

I never thought I would "want to live" in an apartment agai, BUT with the ways things are, the expenses of trying to keep a house "together", painting, roofs, inside work, floors, putting walls up in the laundry room, MANY trees that either need to be cut down or trimmed, and more.., the list is endless, and I have to face the fact I can no longer, "hang ceiling fans" and stand on a ladder to paint, or buff hardwood floors, fix a dryer again that has gone out, try to "fix" what the "scam artist" made a mess of with the repair and paint "job" he was "supposed to do on the outside of my house, and again, everyday there seems to be more, that keeps me away from my writing, my blog, my advocacy work, spending time doing the things I "want" to do, rather than a never ending realm of "repairs"..... so after the holidays, I am selling my home, and moving probably closer to my daughter around the Corpus Christi area, in an apartment, where I am no longer having to do ALL OF THE UPKEEP, MAINTENANCE, AND EXPENSE OF LAWNS, AND SUCH!!!


Well Hell, Just AS I THOUGHT! The dryer had the thermostat for some reason "short out" I think by the looks of it... so it (I can see) it "burned one of the tiny connections on the heating element... the element looks "okay" but with that piece damaged, I didn't take a chance. I ordered the ENTIRE ORDEAL, thermostat, the thermo fuse, heating element, and then the wires that go onto the thermostat and heating element. This is just about what happened before. I looked it up and it was in mid 2013 that we replaced all of that before. 

Thank goodness for AMAZON and keeping up with orders. I could go back and see exactly what I ordered then and so I knew exactly what I needed!!! It does piss me off that in 4 years it has gone out again, BUT when I MOVE, if the apartment does NOT have a washer and dryer, I am leaving mine to go with the house, or selling them and will buy a new washer and dryer. I bought them 2005, or early 2006 when we first moved back to Ennis, so they have served their purpose. We did have to replace the parts before 4 years ago just like this in the dryer and then I know there was also the front "button" in the door that broke, and we replaced that, and I "think" something on the washer had also gone bad at one time and we replaced it also.,, SO ON THIS DREARY VERY COOL, RAINY CRAPPY DAY, I'VE been pulling the back off my dryer in that very TINY damned laundry room that has NO light worth a damned, so I was trying to hold the flashlight and the the damned hex screws loose from the back of the dryer, LOL..."Tis done and I've put the order in for the parts, which will come in on Friday! But, of course I may not get them early enough to put it back together until Saturday... 

I was SUPPOSED TO ONCE AGAIN GO TO THE CASINO ON SUNDAY! But, now I am not sure if I will, Bella has surgery next Wednesday bless her little heart...I had to postpone it from this past Monday, I've been under the weather with a headache, sore throat, very hoarse, and my right shoulder and elbow are about to drive me nuts. I guess I've been using it painting outside and putting down that edging that I have to use a rubber mallet to drive the stakes into the ground that hold that edging down... plus cut more tree branches down and still need many more. but today I "think" I am just about through for the day..., I got up again very, very early and didn't sleep worth a damned, and I am exhausted honestly..  it seems to be non stop worry over this house, the yard, how many trees need to either be trimmed or cut down, and I am just no longer able to do even with the "cordless" mower, weed eater, chain saw, and so on...

If my neck and shoulder specialist "knew" what I've been doing he would probably have a cow! I am really taking a chance with much of what I have been having to do myself, between the hip fractures last year in December to the 4 month ordeal getting over neck surgery this past April, along with my lower back, now the shoulder that has been replaced and that elbow on the right side just giving me hell with pain, and the weather does NOT help for sure...,

I "PROMISE" to get back TO YOU GUYS, MY READERS, AND THOSE THAT FOLLOW MY BLOG, MY NEWSPAPER, MY FACEBOOK, TWITTER AND SO FORTH... AS SOON AS I AM OUT OF THE HOUSE, IT'S SOLD, AND I AM SETTLED INTO AN APARTMENT, MY HOPES ARE THAT I CAN ONCE AGAIN FOCUS ON THE THINGS I WANT TO DO, BLOG, WRITER, BE WITH MY TWO FUR BABIES, AND SPEND MORE TIME ON MY ADVOCACY WORK!!!!

Do things EVER GET better from here??? Part 1- more to come...

I absolutely know that those directly effected by Hurricane Harvey, along with 2 more, one a category 5 STORM now, and the horrid nature of fires burning our entire Pacific Coastline nearly; along with other natural and man made disasters, we all wonder what the heck is next!?

As the news talks about the horrid events now days, they make it so utterly scary that many of us don't want to even walk out of our homes... between terrorism that comes in small, medium and HUGE FACTORS, how Mother Nature is reeking havoc in almost every state in the USA, and even across the waters into Europe. and the Asian countries, each day I wonder, will it ever get better? Are we just "doomed" to never see the "light" of day again, under all of the horrible things going on?

Our Federal Government is a total mess! That is stating it in a mild way. We are bound if we sit around, and allow it to be in a 3rd War soon, and none of us will be able to afford health care, and as some of us feel, we think the government just soon us "die" than to have to care for those chronically ill or elderly. That is a terrible statement but that is honestly how they come off now when they talk about "Obama" Care, and the ACA, and so forth.

We "used to be" the greatest nation in our world. Yet we are greedy, narcissistic, petty, arguing, not caring, or have no patience or compassion for the many of us suffering, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Oh yes, everyone "comes together" when a huge disaster strikes, but on a daily level, of everyday life, people in general, not ALL but many could care less about their neighbors, people they work with, and even family members, much less strangers off the street.

While the entire world watches, the maniac in No. Korea is pounding and stomping, ready to annihilate our nation and others. I realize that although many wanted the current person as President of our country, I feel now there are those that wished they had not made that decision. He has no tact, he didn't in the running, he has no "people skills" and relies on his "team" that keeps either leaving or getting fired to "mop up his mess". How we can sit around and allow our President to "tweet" just anything he "feels" at the moment is beyond my comprehension. People griped about Hillary's emails" - well as far as I am concerned, what the "current" Leader of our nation does daily trumps (love it the word play there) LOL!  .. any email Hillary ever had compromised....

From the insurance ordeal, to him making more "enemies", to his "brushing" off the common daily person, with his attitude, to how he continues to cause this nation to possibly be in an all out war... he is just a train wreck waiting to happen.

"We" as a nation, seem to live now in one type of horror, or more than one these days. Whether it be physical illnesses, often chronic, acute health issues requiring emergent care, getting robbed, having some type of "terrorism" so close to us, knowing that there are those that just as soon "completely rid" the world of our country's people, high prices, and less wages... we live now in a society that nothing is ever "calm" , without stress, or have days that we are not worried about one thing or the other.

These are times of complications every where we turn. Health care costs are soaring. When a medication that is "necessary" to keep us with a good quality of life, in in the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A MONTH, OR WE MUST JUMP THROUGH HOOPS, anytime we have a health problem/ The days of bullying is at an all time high. Kids no longer can be "kids"... from the time they are very young, we in these days must teach them "how to not be harmed".. whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Now the "bullies" lurk not just face to face, but on the internet, causing so many of our children to be terrorized at a young age. Kids must watch out for those with "guns", knives or other weapons, in the time of their life that those things should not exist.

A quick Break from the "medical things" and a bit about my life these past days...

I just  got my new little "Bella-Doxie" yesterday. Her and Peanut are learning to get used to one another.... since she is barely six weeks old, she is still quite little and whines a bit. I think she misses her Mom and brothers and sisters. But, they have been playing with one another and I know in a week or so, all three of us will settle down into a routine. I've not had such a little one in a while, that I had to paper train. Peanut was already a bit older when i adopted him, about 6 months. So he was already almost trained by the time he came to live with me.


Also, today is a VERY SPECIAL day in my life. In 1984, my daughter Amanda was born. Words cannot even begin to express just how fortunate I am to have such an incredible daughter, who is a wife, and Mom herself; as well as a special friend to many of the people that are her friends.

She came about 2 weeks earlier than what we thought. But, LOL, I only lived about 2 blocks from the hospital at the time, so I had "Braxton-Hicks" contractions with her about a month before she was due. I didn't have them with my son, so I thought I was going to have her a month too early. In fact, I made two trips to the hospital, all "false labor" as they also call it.

But, since they had to give me "Pitosin" with my son 5 years earlier, they also about 2 weeks before my due date went ahead and since I was showing already dilating and effacing, gave me the same to help get my labor moving along.

I had my son, and he started kindergarten about 2 weeks after she was born. I so "KNEW" she was a girl, and so wanted a girl. Back then, (even though not ThAT long ago) they did not do "sonograms" etc, unless they suspected something wrong. So, I could only wait and see for sure, if she was a girl. But, in my heart I knew from day one she was definitely going to be my little girl. I got to stay at home with her about the 1st 9 months then went back to work. She was a tiny thing, only about 19 inches long, and weighed almost the same as her brother, 7 pounds and 1 ounce, but her brother was 22 inches long or so. So, he was LONG and was kind of thin since he had so much length. She looked like a little baby doll, since she was so much shorter. A head of full really dark hair, and had the dark skin tone, from both sides of the family.

I got tickled my best friend from high school and I were expecting at the same time. So, I can recall my friend wanting "Mexican" food all the time. She would have eaten Mexican food 3 meals a day, for the entire 9 months if she could have... LOL!

Anyway, now at 33 years old which seems impossible that time has flown by so quickly, she has her 3 children, her daughter who she raised from the time Heather was 2 years old, and then her 2 boys who are about 7 and 12. So, happened her boys were spaced out about like her and her brother.

I miss them so much! They live about 7 hours from me. So, even though we talk gosh, at least 3 or 4 times... I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like to.... So, I have a new little "Doxie", and am wishing my daughter a wondrous and special birthday, along with many, many more days of joy to come.... and I include a few photo's

 So, here's the new little "Bella-Doxie"

 Here is Bella and Peanut looking at one another.

  Myself and Amanda....

 My daughter her husband and the kids.

And here are more of her, her husband and the kids and their lives throughout the years they have been together...

Finding some kind of "Quiet" in all of the Chaotic Realms of my Own Daily Life, what I want, what I need to do, and why I am NOT doing some of the things I think I "want" to do... as I said "chaotic"

If I sound "off" today, I feel "off".... I've been having so many nightmares, or just plain terrible dreams, I even began waking myself up and writing them down... and my sleep is all off schedule... I get up way earlier than I had been, and by the time 9PM comes around, I am ready to lay down. I try to watch a movie, and sometimes I do, other times I wake up and the movie is over, and the TV is still on... and the weather is really messing with me... although it is warm here, our humidity levels are so high, it appears as if it has rained, and I even Peanut acting a bit "off" ... we did have a full moon, but this has been going on now with me for several weeks. I "think" I am just sick of being in the house so much, and although I have a billion things I can do, for the most part, I just cannot get motivated enough to do them. I've thought it was my diet, so I went back to eating breakfast earlier, like I did while in the hospital...

 so I try to eat by about 8:30AM or so, but then by 2PM, which is too late to eat "lunch" because I eat dinner by about 5:45 for the most part, so I even made some of my own homemade granola... I have to get more stuff to go into it, but it turned out good, and this way I can keep out the nuts and stuff that my dentures just cannot take... I bought some "trail mix" and they have whole almonds in it, and even when I chopped them up more, I still cannot chew or bite on an almond, they are just too hard, and oddly enough, I like the "flavor" of almonds, but I am not crazy about the nuts themselves... I love walnuts, and they are a bit less hard, but I realized while I was looking for granola recipes, you can even put like Cheerios cereal in it, and other things I had not thought about... I used "brown sugar Splenda" in it and a little bit of honey... then put my favorite spices, allspice, cinnamon, cardamon, ginger, and nutmeg... 

and I had a few dried dates, and I took the dried cranberries out of the trail mix, and they had some dried cherries in it... plus I put coconut in it before I put it in the oven... I want to get it a bit "chunkier" though... so probably more honey or brown sugar, so it will "stick together" a bit more... then I need to grab several of my favorite dried fruits to go in it, and those now are easy to find... anyway, I am just having a tough time trying to figure out where to "stick myself"... I came down with a sore throat the last couple of days, and I know everywhere in Ennis I go people are coughing and sneezing, and hoarse, and the flu, and some other viral stuff is going around, plus lots of people are suffering from pneumonia, which I HOPE that new vaccine I took early in the fall helps to keep me away from the pneumonia.. I had it like 2 or 3 years in a row, twice in both lungs, so I don't want any of that if I can stay the heck well. Besides if I come down with something like that it delays my possible new RA medication, and/or my neck surgery... and then this morning, for some odd reason, I was getting up off the sofa, and "hit" the nerve I guess going down my left leg...

 I NEVER usually have issues with that side, but it burned and stung like I was on fire... so I am not sure, if I happened to have "rolled" on it getting up or if my lower back is acting up, but this time on my left side... when I've had kidney stones, my left side usually hurts worse than the right. So, I first thought oh crap, not a kidney stone... but it is more I think all weather related... my hip and right leg have hurt now for about 3 days or so... I even have been getting Peanut on his leash, and the days it is nice outside, we walk 4 or 5 times during the day.... he loves it ... and he got upset with me this morning. I had to go around to the back and get one of the smaller tree limbs that I need to get into the trash, plus I had a whole trash can full of limbs and tomorrow is trash day. I always try and bring the cans up to the side of my house, especially if we have bad weather, so I don't have to go around to the back if it is rainy or cold... so he was upset. I could not hold his leash, and try and bring the limb and the can up to the front... but I had him out for a little while to pick up the newspapers, and it is still damp outside... I figure it will either "cure me" or "kill me: as the saying goes, to get out and walk around for a bit...

 I've got fire ants coming out again, so it is time to get the fire any granules out, but also time to spread the granules out I buy for spring and summer. I have to do it early as of now, since we have basically not "had any real winter weather yet" so the bugs, ants, and every other kind of insect, fleas, will be in the yard if I don't get them under control BEFORE they start.. Anyway, Lots of things I could do, and I need a cabinet, preferably with doors on it. I want to take all of my tools and such I have on two tables in my back bedroom, and get them organized into the cabinet, and off those tables... The room is a damned mess... and although it is my own "controlled chaos" (I KNOW where everything is) still it looks horrible, and I've got to go through some boxes of stuff and throw away some things... but I have so many "hand tools" like pliers, screwdrivers, my cordless drills, and nails and the list of "things" I keep and need the small stuff, just needs to be organized, and put away neatly so I can get that room painted, and get the window repaired that is still broken from hail over 2 YEARS ago,...

 I fear anytime one of these bad winds will come, and it will knock out my "duct taped" window, and I will be up the creek - and mad because I have not fixed it yet... so I have MANY PROJECTS, like my writing, around the house, my advocacy stuff, and my lists go on and on, but my "motivation" is lacking right now.... I just cannot stand to "feel this way"... like I am kind of "lost" in my own sea of "stuff" and can't find which way to get my bearings and "sail" the path that I 1st need to, then go from there... I SWORE TO MYSELF after I got home from the hip fractures, I WOULD WRITE THIS NEXT BOOK... yet I continue to "not be able" to "begin" ... I almost feel like starting at the "back of the book" and work forward, rather than beginning and then coming to an end... the "latest" things to go in there are very fresh in my mind, thus the other stuff is already written down, but i must wade through all of it, and get it in some type of organized chaos, so it will half-assed make sense to whomever reads it...

 I have my drums and keyboard, BUT the right leg, will be the one along with the right foot for the bass... and the type of exercise I would get from "banging" on the drums maybe actually good for my hip and foot... it may help to strengthen those muscles both in my upper leg and in the foot also... My crap with the writing also has to do with my shoulder, and neck... and actually my lower back also, and might as well admit it my hands and wrists... When I sit here for very long, typing etc. my shoulders, neck, wrists, fingers and lower back begin to just burn... from the impinged nerves... and now the RA has gotten to the place my thumbs, wrists, and portions between my fingers are swollen, and stiff and it hurts to type for very long... I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GET THE HECK OUT OF THE HOUSE OVERNIGHT, THEN GET MY NEW PUPPY... AND try to take all of the chaotic crap, I "feel" I need to do, and sit down to re-organize my priorities again... I've drifted again between those things I "want" to do, and those things I feel I NEED to do... and what lies in between is a bunch of stuff, that keeps me in knots half the time....

After Surviving Two More SURGERIES, fractured hip 2 places, a Hematoma Softball Sized, and my 1ST TRIP out by myself in over 6 weeks!! And Mourning The Loss of By Precious Fur-Baby!

I came in from my 1st TRIP out ALONE earlier this afternoon..made it to the market, to my pharmacy, & to pick up the Angel that ever's had given out in a celebration of our loved ones who passed away last year. I missed it due to the fall resulting in the fractured hip, then another surgery to remove that softball sized hematoma. One of the women at the market, knew what happened, because she was buying groceries also, and came to me, hugged my neck and told me just how much pain I've been thru, that she said she could not be as strong as I have been. I hugged her back, and told her, that inside, you "find" the strength, and from "above" to help you to try and heal, to try and regain your own life, even though the loss has been tremendous. So, I got home, & Peanut was waiting for me, I let him out of his "carrier" (he love the thing and gets in it all the time himself... as I carefully brought one sack at a time in up my front porch that has only two smaller steps, and began putting them up, 

I went to put up some dog treats, and all of what happened that night with Bubba Gump came rushing over me and through me, and I had to come to my desk, as Peanut knew I was upset so he is sitting beside my deck, on the sofa.... so I opened up Bub's beautiful cedar box, and broke down and sobbed.... it is so hard to believe those few ashes, were once my sweet Bubby's..... 

I will NEVER be able to forgive myself, because I feel Bub's would be here, had I not been gone so long... he mourned himself, sick, and stopped eating and drinking, even though my son and my dog sitter were coming by each day to play with them and make sure they had fresh water, fresh food and clean paper...

 but I will never forget the night I held him so close to me, and talked to him, and kissed him, and he licked my face, laid his head on my chest and took a last breath..... all of these losses, are just about more than I can handle... Anyone that has "fur babies" or any pet they become attached to, and that pet attached to them, it is a loss of a family member if not worse. I just heard on the news last night, that a child will say at times, they love their fur-baby more than their parents at times... a pet loves unconditionally... and I know he is with Tazzy... and someday I will be with them, but right now it plain hurts....

Trying to Move Past the "bad" of 2016 & look ahead to a Hopeful 2017... (Resolutions?, Revelations, Lessons from life's past, reaching within the depths of my soul to make sense, out of a "senseless" world and all that we must endure)

"Trying to Move Past the "bad" of 2016 & look ahead to a Hopeful 2017... (Resolutions?, Revelations, Lessons from life's past, reaching within the depths of my soul to make sense, out of a "senseless" world and all that we must endure) "

Alas the "title of this post" is a great deal longer than usual. I felt in order to bring the message to all of you I needed to try and title this so everyone will know how crucial this post is, and just how I've had to pull every ounce of whatever bit of faith I have to bring you the truest feelings of this past couple of years.

Life deems to bring us many things that we cannot possibly "see" the good out of it, whether it is loss of a loved one, a fur baby, chronic illnesses and pain, watching others suffer, when so often whatever is happening seems useless and a waste of what little time we have here on this Earth. I never said or pretended to understand why so many horrible events happen to those that are good, gracious, loving, nurturing, and are decent people. Yet, others that are horrible, frightening, terrible to their own kind, are not decent, not caring, and often tear others down, rather than build them up.

Most people find themselves trying to put a list of "New Years Resolutions" together at the beginning of each year. Other similar words, "revelations, settle, make a pledge to do something a different way, such a quit smoking, work out more, eat healthier, we pledge to ourselves to do some things in a manner more positive, than hold onto our old ways, that may not have been the best way to do things...

thus rather than resolutions, I try and use a different term, such as "throwing out the old, torn and tattered ways, and beginning a new way with new "material" and a hopeful heart. I also know many of us "keep" some of those "resolutions", and some find themselves settling back into their old ways, which brings a guilt to our heart, thus too many "difficult" changes within a short amount of time, leaves us to NOT be able to keep them all. We get upset, feel so useless, see others making their goals, while maybe we cannot keep our own.

Below are a  few synonyms that could be used to mean "Resolutions":

intention, resolve, decision, intent, aim, plan; commitment, pledge, promise

   They have became a "tradition" like black eyed peas at midnight for good luck in the coming year, we have many traditions, we keep or try to keep during holidays and so forth, like mistletoe, the Christmas tree, sending cards for holidays, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and so forth.

I guess I would say that I shall "pledge" or commit to a few things that I feel I need to change and have a fresh start for the new year.

As always all too often we have "unexpected" roadblocks, happenings, events, whether it be family, illnesses, accidents, jobs, and so on, that change that path of good intentions we set up for ourselves at the 1st of the year.

For me my good intentions tend to get put aside for family, or for the chronic illness and pain I suffer with, that in a moment I can go from feeling great to being in the hospital... having surgery etc. None of us can truly "predict" the exact things that will happen from one moment to the next.


So, as I, along with many of you try to "have the promises" to ourselves duly noted and ready to start anew, remember WE ARE HUMAN! We will have issues come up that causes us not to be able to keep some of the very things we so want to do, change, stop, start and so forth...

As I write this tonight December 31,2016 from my hospital bed, hoping to be out of here and home very soon, again, never did I think 3 weeks ago I would fall, fracture my hip in 2 places, have other complications arise, and spend both Christmas and New Years in a hospital.

Try to keep yours a list of things that are not too complicated, or just write down a few, lie 4 or 5, rather than 10, 20 or more, and be proud of the progress you make even if you don't complete them all. If you get "some" of them done, or just a piece of several that you are working towards a goal on, give yourself a "well done" and push forward, knowing even a baby step, is a definite positive for the New year and YOU!

A piece of me feels as if I am blocking out all that we went through with Mom, then losing her in June so suddenly. Then the ordeal of paperwork, and all that happens even after the funeral is over.

Then I've went from one issue such as both ankles severely twisted, to sinusitis, to pneumonia, to Lupus flares, then to take such a horrible fall. and break my right hip in two places... to wind up being in the Rehab on Christmas, and maybe for awhile after the 1st of the year.

I just know that things have to get better. I am so terribly tired of being ill in one way or the other. I tried so hard to NOT allow this to happen to me. I knew my chances of a fall could lead to a break of a bone or joint. That is one of the very last things I wanted r needed. But, when I hit that hardwood floor two weeks ago the coming Tuesday, I knew it was not good.

I wanted to believe that it was bruised badly, yet when I could not drag it on the floor without screaming out in pain, I knew then it was bad.

I've been in a turmoil over the state our nation is in. Now with the "person" that is to be our new President, totally terrifies the hell out of me. I cannot fathom him having enough tact with out own Congress, much less any other nation.

I am having to almost "hide" my feelings this season. Here I see many families, together, excited about kids, Christmas, and this very special time of the year, yet I feel left in a "dark fog" wondering once again why I feel "punished", why did I have to take a fall as I did, and break a hip. And what are the chances that I wind up having another surgery if this hip does not work without an entire replacement since the osteoporosis could cause issues.

Frankly, this is one of the very 1st times I've been this worried about my own health issues. I watched my Grandmother and my Mom be able especially my Grandmother take care of themselves for YEARS alone. Now, I fear everything, from just getting out of the bed to going home. I've always been so bound and determined to do my stuff myself. Now, between the Lupus, the RA, the Osteoporosis, and now a broken hip, that I will lose some of my independence, which that thought bothers me badly.

Then to have one of my fur kids pass away suddenly night before last in my arms, here in the Rehab, just seemed to put the entire last almost 3 years into a world of such hurt, for myself, and also my kids; I keep trying to "hold onto" what little faith I have to sustain me, and try to over the sinking into sand, peeking upward, and asking for another half ounce of courage, strength and ability to try to "understand" the reasons I may NOT understand, not now, but someday I shall know the why's of this life, and the grief it brings to us within a matter of moments.

Hoping that 2017 "pushes" out all the grief, sadness and illness and brings peace, wellness and secuirty to myself and everyone!

I have been "quiet" - but I had more terrible stuff going on... Bubba my Chiweenie, got suddenly ill, and passed away in my arms night before last. All of the loss surrounding myself and my family is really taking its toll on all of us. I've had all kinds of complications, from the anemia, to a huge hematoma just where the surgery on my hip was done. I look "deformed" because that hip looks like it is 4 times bigger than it should look, then my liver enzymes and lab work was high and all messed up. 

Then I still have this place on my right foot that I swear has to be fractured. I cannot stand to put any weight on it, which hinders my therapy for my hip. I just want things to get back to some kind of normal so I can go home. Even though everyone is extremely nice here, I don't want to stay one moment more than I have to. I had hoped I would be home by January 1st, but looks like that is not happening. My doctor wants to leave the staples in another 5 days or so, due to the large hematoma where the surgery and the staples are... 

PT is going fine, other than me having such heck with that right foot. They re-x-rayed it last night, and the woman doing the X-rays showed them to me, and said she was not the doctor but it didn't appear to have a fracture, and she mentioned a bone spur... but I still insist that due to the pain, the "redness" where it hurts and the pain and swelling from it kind of around and down my foot, something is wrong, and they have not found it. Anyway, wishing everyone a Safe and Happy New Year's eve and Day... I hope is 2017 brings more happiness, peace, and security, and wellness for myself and everyone.... Rhia

Day 3 - of WEGO Health Blog/Writer's Challenge - A Favorite Quote and why it moves me #HAWMC

Day 3 WEGO Health Challenge - A Favorite Quote and Why it Moves Me

#HAWMC

 

My "favorite" quote is actually one that comes from myself. "If YOU do NOTHING! Then "NOTHING" gets done!"

I've come to find out after many years of feeling as if I could depend on someone else to do as they said they would, or help me out when I needed help, that I was going to be either, upset, disappointed, feel as if no one cared, have my feelings hurt, and after living with all of those "harsh feelings and emotions" what I "needed done" never got done. The only thing that came out of it, is me feeling lousy. 

So, I am truly a stubborn person when it comes to "asking" anyone for help. Not that I feel someone else can't do it just as well as I can. I am not "narcissistic" per se'. I have been through relationships, whether serious or friends, at work, at home, business, serious, or not serious, the only way, I know for sure, something that truly needs to get finished, and have the job done, is if I do it, and try to not "depend" on anyone else to help get it done. 

Actually, I've been going through these circumstances now for months. My Mom has always depended upon me. Bless her heart, after my Dad passed away in 2005, I, being an only child had to move back to Texas from Seattle, because she could not even put gas in her own car. Much less figure out bills, investments and all that needed to be taken care of. There were times over the past 11 years that "someone else" would offer to do this, that or the other" to help her or us out. Then when it came that time to do whatever it was, guess what? I was left with ME having to take responsibility. That has been really my entire life's story. If I want it done, and to know it was taken care of, I must just go ahead and do it. My Mom after being seriously ill only the first 6 months of this year with what we feel was "Lewy Bodies Dementia" passed away on June 9th 2016. I knew even though at the time I needed surgeries that had been put off, that I sprained both ankles severely the day of her visitation. I was in the middle of a horrible Lupus flare. Yet, I knew I had no choice but to make the arrangements and get things taken care of. No one else, even though some offered would get down to the "brass tacks" as the saying goes and get it done.

So, that was and is still my life. If I want something done or need it done, then my saying always holds true, "IF you do NOTHING, then "NOTHING" gets done!"

From Running, to walking, to running, and trying to get my body to keep up and the Lupus and RA to "behave" - Remodeling, Houses, Contractors, and Coping

Well I did have one contractor come over yesterday afternoon, and I got tickled - he was impressed how much work I have already done! I told him I would continue to do what I can, what my body and hands allow me to, and that way when they get where they can come, they can do the larger things like the railings, and the fence... and later side that garage and put a new door on it. I am in a mood I guess I cannot describe.... I have not really been here very much, it seems all I do is run, run and run... I had to take a huge amount of shred stuff to Waxahachie yesterday, so I drove the Elantra to get those miles on it so the computer will register correctly for the inspection. Then I went into Lowe's, bought a couple of "toggle" switches, I really want to use those in that house also... and then some plates for the outlets, again several need the updated outlets in them... I looked at flooring, the laid linoleum... even though I would love to do something else, with the pups, I think I am going to have to stay with that, and actually the one I like is a "standard" at Lowe's... plus they would even lay it very reasonably, if so happen something went awry and my contractor could not do it... I FOUND MY GLITTER FOR THE PAINT! I knew they would have it! I had to search and search, then finally asked two people and one lady knew exactly where it was (which was in a very stupid spot if anyone wanted to find it).... I priced fencing, and I did 5 5 pieces of chair railing... that should be enough to finish the living room! So, a few touch ups with the paint, and putting those up.... I have a new door knob for the front closet... that stupid thing broke about a month ago, and there was no way to get into the front closet, I beat on it, I pried on it, I even took the pins out of the door, and I thought I would never get it open... so finally when the plumbers came, they thought they may need to get in there, and they were able (with a great deal of elbow grease) to get it open finally... of course between myself and them we destroyed that door knob... NEVER in my life, have I seen an "inside knob" that damned sturdy.... I never thought I would get it out... so I bought one with the plates and a glass knob on it... I wanted to do that in this house to all of the closets and never got around to it... and on Amazon I can get the whole thing for about 14.00 including the back plate... so I am going to put that up after I get that closet painted... those closets have NOT been painted since we moved in which was about 1964 or so! Dad painted and did everything else, BUT not the closets, they are horrible! So, paint that is left over, that is okay colors I am going to use in the closets.... anyway, I still have lots to go... I am having him build me, kind of like a cedar platform off the front porch, so it will be large enough to hold my inside plants when I put them out during the spring and summer months.... the porch... OMG those rails were so rotten... I took all of them down myself earlier this week. I only like one post, that the concrete bolts had paint on them so I had to WD 40 them and now I can get those loose also.... I hope between me working until the other guy can come, I will have him paint the ceilings also... no way I can do that... and finish up the stuff I cannot do... I will be moving in by the end of October, first of November... I hope... depends on my own health, the weather, how quickly he can come and get on it... like I told him the garage siding can wait for a bit... mainly the fence, finishing up the painting inside, and I've found a kit I maybe able to help the inside of that damned old tub look better... I am going to order one and try it... it is hideous, but having someone come and redo the porcelain on it would be thousands of dollars... I still want to break that sucker into pieces, get rid of it and put a walk in shower in there... but I know the work trying to take a sledge hammer or a saw to that tub and cut it out of there, it takes lots of work...... Anyway, again I am in a "funky" frame of mind right now... I thought moving over there would be what I wanted, especially after the remodel, now I wonder if that is a good decision, but I cannot do the work this house needs... I cannot roof it, and could paint it outside, but only so much, and it just needs someone who can do the things it needs themselves... a time ago, I could have done it all but the roof! LOL! but that was when I was in my 20's and 30's..... I have painted an entire house outside more than once for sure.... but at my age and with my health issues, my body is already mad at me... my right hand keeps swelling up, and my right ankle is still not all the way well.. and my neck NEEDS SURGERY! I was so hoping to get that done before the end of the year... once again I face whether to keep my insurance or go back to another, and that is coming up soon...more stuff that needs to be done!  Rhia

Knowing After all these years, that I should have been born a few years later, and I know I would be my dream job...

It has taken me 56 years, well guess a bit less than that since as in infant I would not have known this - :) to FINALLY KNOW why I WAS put on this Earth, and what my "calling" was - that I missed! It just "hit" me yesterday while in the quiet over at house #2 I painted.... first of all, I was born about 10 years or so too early. Had I been born in probably the 70's or so, then our knowledge about technology, computers, the advanced sciences we have now, from medicine, to phones, and you name it, I was a "bit early" on the scene to have those things readily available to me, unlike if I was about 30 years old or so right now. Or even out of High School a few years and then headed to college.

 I should have been AN FBI part of a team that does the "profiling" for our worst criminals, serial rapists, people that in their minds (and you must "get into their minds) to be able to capture why, where, how, when, and so forth they do what they do... their is always or usually a methodology to their "madness"... whether it be just pure evil, or having been abused, causing irreprible damage to their psyche, or they have multiple personality disorders, psychopaths, and so many other things that they either may have been born with, taught, brainwashed, or a numerous specific reasons why some do as they do harm to others and themselves.

 I know that may sound ridiculous, but I of course knew I would always be a writer, yet my true "profession" had life been a bit different, and I had been young enough for the technology that is now available to be here so I could learn about all of these, I surely would love to be one of these types of "profilers" that could help protect innocent victims from the harming of such horrific others. I am too "old" now, and with all of my own personal health issues, I would even if trained, not be eligible to serve at the FBI or such...BUT, I DO KNOW that LIFE gives you WHAT you NEED.. we are born for certain reasons, at certain times... and there is a reason I was born in 1960 - and at that time they did not even know much about "DNA" and the like.... 


http://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug04/criminal.aspx


http://www.forensicscolleges.com/blog/htb/how-to-become-criminal-profiler

 

My Daughter's Birthday was the 18th - Such an Awesome Daughter I have! COPING WITH LUPUS, RA PAIN IN MY RIGHT THUMB, HANDS, WRISTS, LOWER BACK NECK, HELL OVER MY ENTIRE BODY! BUT, somehow WE MUST CONTINUE ON... AS I TOLD MY PUPS THIS MORNING, I CANNOT JUST QUIT & TAKE A TIME OUT!

Amanda looked like a tiny baby doll when she was born. She was only 1 and a half inches long, and weighed a tad over 7 pounds. I wanted a girl so badly, and from the moment I knew I was expecting her, I KNEW she was a girl.

My son, who was 5 years before her, was just a little blonde (cotton headed) as they used t say, and small too. He started Kindergarten like only a week after Amanda's was born. It was amazing to have one beginning school and a brand new one at home! I've always been thrilled they were 5 years apart in so many ways. Amanda and Jason remain close and have as always. He was always the "big brother" who could watch over her, and they later in high school knew a lot of the same people, so when Jason and her left to go out on a weekend night, I knew he would watch over her.


Yet, it seems like just yesterday they induced labor with her.  I didn't have the certain "hormone" to cause me to go into labor with either of them, so they had to induce with Jason, and they just planned on it with Amanda. Now this was BEFORE the sonograms, and knowing what the baby was before it was born etc. Sonograms were only done then if they suspect problems, so with a "normal pregnancy" that was just not something they did.

My best friend from High School Carrie and I were expecting within 2 weeks of one another. They told me Amanda would be somewhere around the very last of August, and Carrie's little girl RaeAnn was supposed to be like 2 weeks BEFORE Amanda... but alas Amanda made her entrance into the world a bit early on August 18th, and much to our surprise Carrie's pregnancy went over by two weeks and RaeAnn was born right after Amanda by about 10 days or so. I can recall Carrie being frustrated that hers didn't come as expected and I had Amanda a bit early. Carrier ate enough Mexican Food to feed Ennis back then!!!!LOL!!!!!! She would eat anything Mexican 3 meals a day, every day of the year..... and I really did not have many "real cravings' BUT I could NOT STAND the smell of bacon frying or Joy Lemon Dish Soap, both made me sick to my stomach and even after I had Amanda, for a year or so, I could not stand the smell of bacon frying... and I NEVER got over the Joy dish soap.. I hate that smell even today after 31 years!!!!

I wanted to share that with all of you, and let you know I am still painting on "house #2" trying to get over there daily and paint. I have decided to "try" and move in over there in October... but that probably means me having to hire some people to help me finish up the paint, putting the fence up,  & of course the "list" can be endless...mainly finishing the inside painting and getting the floors in "decent shape" which does mean also I have to have new linoleum or something like that laid in the kitchen dining room, small bath and right at the front door entrance.

Right now there is an "industrial type" of carpet in the kitchen and dining rooms that is of course glued down, so trying to save the dining room would be a mess. The kitchen already had linoleum under it at one time, and the bathroom is tiny but I also "may" have to have some plumbing work done in the bathroom. The pipes coming into the bath through the wall to the commode are "rusty" and already leak a tiny bit. I know that even that floor at one time had been wet enough that Dad had to have it enforced when they put in a new commode years and years ago. So, I figure with what water damage might have been there and then when Mom threw a washcloth down the toliet (after she got so "bad" with the dementia) and I had to call a plumber I tried at 1st to unstop it, not knowing it was a cloth in there, but she over ran it twice at least until I finally locked it down enough she could not open that door. By then she could not even walk to the toliet and had a potty chair by the bed, but it also done damage to the hardwood flooring in the hallway by the bathroom... I am going to just do the best with it because I will have a carpet runner to go into that hallway, so it won't be that noticeable anyway... but I also think that old sink needs to go and be replumbed, plus if it CAN BE DONE, I would like to break up that old iron tub (which so many houses built around the early 50's had those iron tubs, with the porcelain over them... so that tub has lost about all of the porcelain, plus I want a shower only, that I could just step into, and have one seat in it... BUT, to break up that old tub with that small bathroom is a freaking chore!!! We did it in this house, and put my "big honkin tub/sauna/shower" in it... and I still love it, BUT hell I use the shower, and nothing else really...

I cannot sit down into the tub really or a may never be able to get out, and with it just being me now, it is really way too large for now how it is used... it really is a shame, because one of my reasons, was to use the whirlpool, sauna etc... for my joints and muscles... but by the time I have had all of the surgeries, the strength it would take me to sit down in it, then try and get back up, well I would fear being here alone, and not able to get out.... I still love that huge shower, tub BUT ALSO, IT is insane to clean... I keep it mostly clean since it is just me now, and I spray it down with the Daily Shower Cleaner, which keeps it dry, and it keeps me from having to scrub the heck out of it so often BUT, it still has to be cleaned, and it's a job....

I have to literally get into it, to be able to clean it properly, then keeping the mold and mildew out of it, I keep diluted bleach that I put around the places because certain spots if they stay wet will get to be a mess to clean.... so it takes work to keep it clean and free from lots of germs and so forth....LOL My DOGS probably enjoy bathing in it more than I do..I can put them in there, they have plenty of room, and I have my shower nozzle that I use so they kind of get a massage, then I can have them almost dryed off completely before letting them out... so that way they don't slip on the hardwood floors when they get out... they used to chase each other after a shower, and one time Tazzy accidentally fell going around a corner, because her feet were still wet and she had a hip that hurt her for weeks... so I have to dry their feet before I let them out of the bathroom...

NOW AS FOR ME........  I AM TIRED, I FEEL LIKE I AM ALWAYS RUNNING BEHIND... I HAVE MORE PINK, BLUE AND YELLOW STICKIES IN FRONT OF ME THAT I CAN EVER GET FINISHED WITH... I AM STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THAT ONE SPRAINED ANKLE... I THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER, BUT OVER THE PAST TWO DAYS, AGAIN IT SWELLS LIKE A HUGE GOOSE EGG ON THE OUTSIDE, DOWN TO MY LITTLE TOE AND UP MY LEG A LITTLE... I thought it was better.... hahahaha...

 I should KNOW BETTER!!! I NEED to have my pain pump upped, but I also need to see my Rheumatologist... neither know (well my pain doctor found out yesterday) that Mom has passed away, and that NO I am NOT OKAY, BUT I'VE NOT HAD THE TIME NOR STAMINA TO DRIVE TO DALLAS FOR DOCTORS APPTS~~!!!! While Mom was so sick half the time I "forgot" my 3 boluses a day for my pain pump SO it still has more medication in it than it would have had I been using it as I usually do.... but AFTER WATCHING THE PAIN MY MOM WAS IN.... I kind of WENT NUMB WITH MY OWN PAIN I GUESS... even when I SPRAINED BOTH ANKLES THAT SUNDAY OF HER VISITATION, I REALLY DID NOT "FEEL" THE PAIN.... but I WAS IN SUCH A SURREAL, AND SHOCKING SPOT, I JUST FELT NOTHING... MY PAIN, EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE HELL, SEEMED NON IMPORTANT.... Thus my reasoning for putting off my own Pain issues....

I AM BEGINNING AGAIN NOW TO KNOW I NEED SURGERY ON MY NECK, I NEED MY PAIN PUMP UPPED, AND WE NEED TO CHANGE MY RA MEDICATION OR DO SOMETHING BUT I just do NOT have the STRENGTH NOR WHAT I FEEL THE TIME... to spend on those things... like a couple of weeks ago, my Chiweenie, Bubs, broke a front nail on a front paw off below the quick... well it was MY FAULT... I always DREAD TAKING HIM TO THE VET... he usually puts up a fight, and we have had to muzzle him one time before... so I HATE HAVING TO DO THAT... so his nails get longer than most women's before I take him... and again they were way too long, and then he limped around for over a week because of one broken so far down into below the quick.... I finally took him in, and the last two times I've held him, and let the assistant just talk to him, while the Vet cut his nails, and we didn't have to muzzle him and in fact he did great.... so I was grateful and am going to try and keep it up and get them cut before they get TOO LONG!!!!



ANYWAY, LIKE NOW, MY OWN PAIN IS HORRIBLE... BETWEEN MY RIGHT HAND, THUMB, WRIST, AND THOSE JOINTS BEING IS SWOLLEN, I CAN BARELY TYPE, MY FINGERS GO NUMB NOW, THEY HURT LIKE HELL, AND THEN MY NECK SHOULDER AND LOWER BACK JUST HURT SO BADLY... IT IS ALL I CAN DO TO SIT HERE AND TYPE...


YET, as I typed in my Title, we cannot just sit down, and take a "time out" for many reasons... it is up to ME, for things to get done... whether I DO IT MYSELF or I HIRE SOMEONE... somehow all of what needs to be done, are things that have to be done, no matter the illnesses, pain and so forth....

One of the guys that was two years older than me died this past week! He was only 58 years old! By just looking at Sammy, no one would have ever suspected he had any health issues... I'm not sure exactly what happened, but my feeling is that maybe he had some type of cancer....

So, we MUST LIVE EACH DAY, EACH HOUR, AND EACH MOMENT LIKE IT IS OUR LAST!!!!!

Celebrating My Mom's Life on Her Birthday that would have been on August 28th... and Life..,

Well since the weather is not looking good for our area nor the Casinio's area for tomorrow and Monday, and I don't cherish driving in Dallas, through Denton with GOOD weather, so much road construction last time I was through there, plus Mom's Birthday would be August 28th, SO in order to celebrate for her as I said in my earlier post, I switched to go that day on her birthday! 

I think she would be or is "thrilled" that I go and have all of those good memories of us going and coming back from Winstar. So, I do look forward to reminiscing about our trips... that was the ONE thing Mom did enjoy doing... So, I am off to try and get some painting done... I am still not feeling like "myself"...I can't explain it, but I just feel like I am having issues with that vertigo mess, and I notice if I bend over, then stand up my head feels "full" so maybe even the allergies and sinus stuff with the weather as it is... but the plants and grass and trees are so happy! 

They just need A GREAT DEAL more rain BUT SLOWLY... so I wish all a good weekend, I am going to try and get a few things done over at house#2.... and talking about that... I bought those 2 "mini rose bushes" lst week at HEB. They had them marked for $1.99 each... which they are usually at least 5.99.... so I wondered what the deal was... they all "looked" great.. but within 2 days of taking them home, the lilac colored one appeared to just have "died"... and the white/yellow colored one does not look much better. I even re-potted them thinking it is because they don't have proper soil. But, I am so mad at HEB - I BET they KNOW something is "wrong" with them, so they marked them down to get them out of the store, and then we buy them and they die... I have two others from there from a couple of years ago, and they are blooming right now... so I know something had to be wrong for them to mark them that cheaply and then one just die within 2 days... also I bought a packet of "French Onion Dip" mix... like McCormick's I think that same day. 

Well, I started to open it after I got home to make some, and the entire packet is just hard as a brick, like the stuff is old. Well, I found a tiny tear in the packet, so I am sure that ruined it... but how can they NOT find these things out... I am willing to bet a box of them got "nicked" when they were putting them on the shelves... I've seen them do it before... and now I have to take that back... another warning, DO NOT BUY paint brushes from Wally World! They stopped carrying the "Purdy" brand which we bought over 10 years ago, and the brushes are still in fair shape... but I felt I needed 2 new ones, and I bought them at Wally World, and they were not "cheap" - just about as much as a paint store with a sale... so I used one of them, and began to find bristles coming out in my paint dammit. I hate that... as old as my other ones are, never have I saw one bristle come out in my paint... 

so the other ones I bought from there I am taking back and telling them they are pricing them at well over 10.00 and they are worth about 2.00 if that much... LOL!!!!! I HATE having to take stuff back, especially when it is something that is "their fault"... it is a pain in the butt, and takes up MY TIME having to go back and get a refund...anyway, I got my "good brushes" and some paint yesterday that was on sale.., so I am back in business.... I will take more pics as the rooms begin to come together....

Trying to put words to "feelings" - A New Chapter of my Life, yet like "writer's block" I am having "Life block"

All too often any of us as author's, writer's, bloggers, and so forth can develop usually suddenly, what many refer to as "writer's block"...

I've been through those "challenging" time on several occasions myself... like my "voice, or we sometimes refer to as "Muse" is just not happening...

For days, perhaps weeks now, I've had a challenge even larger than any writer's dilemma. I find myself with I guess you could call "Life Block"... I cannot find where "I should be", "where I belong", what to do with myself, so I spend my days rambling around, painting the house #2, and knowing that house #1 needs lots of work also... Life in itself feels "surreal"... not realistic, like I've missed that last train into my next chapter... now I am lost, in between a "breath's space", and at times I am not sure I even know who I am... or what my next step should be....

I had heard several times about "dementia" and at 1sst they said "brain exercises" were helpful. Then about a year or two ago, they came out and said "exercising the brain" with reading, puzzles, games and so forth, does not "harm not help" Then on the evening news it was brought up after extensive research that exercising the brain, like any muscle does tend to keep you "fit" mentally... that you are less likely somewhat to develop a type of dementia... I always thought that way anyway... I watched my own Mom. do NOTHING, no hobbies, did not like to get out and window shop, never belonged to any of the groups around town, or even helped out as a "Room Mother" when I was young... till the day she passed away, June 9th, 2016, she COULD NOT PUT GAS in her own car!

As many times as I tried to get her interested in one thing or the other, she just was this type of person, that all in life like that was either "frivolous" or a waste of time and money... or she just was not "smart enough", educated enough to "get it"... whether it be a new microwave, or reading a book....

ANOTHER RED WASP STING! Feeling LOUSY, Antibiotics and some of their horrible side effects, "Smart Beat", Life and more

I swear I just walk out my back door, in just around my yard and get freaking STUNG AGAIN BY ONE OF THOSE RED WASPS!!!!! Every time I step out either door, and this morning I walked through my gate and one came from nowhere , in fact I guess flew up from the grass and got me... I never even SEEN IT! This time on my left knee, and of curse it swelled up immediately! It's already the size of a silver dollar almost! This time I can't "see" anything in it, so I am not sure if there is a stinger or not. I've sprayed and knocked down every nest I can find.

 But, I KNOW there has to be one or two HIDDEN from sight, because they are seemingly in just a couple of places in my yard when they tend to be like this. Hell, just before this one stung me, out of the blue, one came directly towards me in the front lawn and I just began to back up slowly... and I don't know where he went but I avoided that one, only to walk around to my back yard and one get me...as I said I never even seen it coming! They are THE MOST AGGRESSIVE IN TX I've ever seen them this year. I mean I've been stung usually by yellow jackets, if you get near a nest, or are around close by, but never have I had this happen. My daughter said they are really bad, especially yellow jackets down around Corpus where they live. He oldest son got stung over the weekend by a yellow jacket... I have still not felt very well, and I am having a very difficult time "getting over" what ever the hell is wrong with me...

 I seem to wake up every morning with a sick feeling stomach, and I am just so weak, it just wears me out to even walk through the market for a few things. I still have a bad headache off and on, and my lower back tends to hurt one side, then the other.... I just generated feel "lousy".... for the lack of a better term... now my knee is killing me, and I have to be very concerned about infection... if I get infection "in that artificial joint" they would have to possibly remove it all, and then put a new one in.... dammit... plus I found out I was wrong, the antibiotic they gave me for the kidney infection is one that gives me a horrible time with antibiotic induced diarrhea, and I sure as HELL don't WANT NOR NEED THAT!!!! Talk about one horrid thing to happen to you... anyone that has had this before knows exactly what I am talking about... it is terrible... worse than many other things you can be ill with....

I did finally get a bit of painting done for a while yesterday and managed to make it through the market for just a few things, but then I was totally wiped out yesterday afternoon/evening. It took every ounce of strength I had left (about 1/2 spoon for your spoonies) to get myself in the shower and take a shower. I am supposed to go out to my PCP's office this morning and do fasting blood work for the "Smart Beat" thing they are doing... where everyone that has had or has close family that has had heart problems, High BP, cholesterol high,diabetes, they do an extensive work up even giving you tests on your lungs, and echocardiogram, and EKG, Doppler on your carotids, and the main one down in you abdomen, and several other tests, if you have not had any of them at all, or have not had them fairly recently with your Cardiologist... then they take that, with fasting blood work, and do an analysis about how "well" you are in the categories of your lungs, heart, arteries, glucose levels, and so forth and it is totally of no cost to the patient. They did not do a couple of the tests on me simply because my Cardiologist had already done them within the last 6 months or so. So, that is my story and drama for this morning and I am sticking to it.... and I am sure some of you think,

 "Here's a Quarter call someone who cares".... LOL!!!! ;) Rhia


Oh yes, and I did finally get my car washed yesterday, plus I finally made it to the cemetery yesterday. This was my 1st time there since Mom's funeral. I just needed to get to the "resolve" that when I did go, it would not just be Dad, I was talking with, but Mom there as well now. I have to say it was a "strange feeling".... but I got silk flowers put in her vase, and it almost appears as if I "matched" them to Dad's but I didn't on purpose... anyway, the monument is just covered in sand.

 I only had my little hand broom, so I have to go back out and take my larger broom so I can sweep off the monument (head stone) and get all of the sand off of it. Due to them putting sand on it once the casket was in, and the wind has been blowing like heck here daily it is just more covered than I've ever seen it. And it is way too pretty to allow it to look like that...

 Last photo of Mom before she got really ill. This was taken last Thanksgiving November 2015

YEAH!!! A bit "different type of post" Guess I just "needed this" right now!

I was SO PROUD & I THANK MY DAUGHTER AMANDA FOR THE SUGGESTION! I thought I would NEVER be Able to put on a swim suit, much less a 2 piece again…. not after the pain pump, all the surgeries, scars and so forth… I used to love the 2 or 3 I had and wore the tops all the time with my shorts in the Summer mowing… but alas, due to age, and illnesses, and multiple  surgeries, I had thrown those away finally… but she had mentioned the other day these kind! And sure enough I ordered this one from Beall’s and to just came in… I so NEEDED something to feel “good about” especially myself right now… after all that has happened even from the past couple of years, until these past months and all that went on with my Mom, I needed “something” to give me a smile and restore some kind of faith in “me” again… so as silly as that sounds, here are some pics… LOL… I look like “hell” because my hair and no makeup… I had been painting all morning… etc… so for now just the “bottom” part and when I am “cleaned up” with my hair correct and makeup on, I will make more… So, again I thank my dear daughter for the suggestion… NO it is NOT a bikini… but it is so much more than that for me right now….

Updates of Life, Illness, Fur Kids, and All that usually "happens" to me - I always have something "weird" going on.... so I wanted to tell everyone what's the issues for now

I can have more hell with everything! Damned, every time I walk outside, one of those red freaking wasps seems to come directly to me. Between those, and damned ants, and so forth, I feel like all I do is fight some kind of bugs in the summer time. I cannot believe I've been stung twice, and I got rid of 2 nests I found, but I know there has to be one somewhere out by my fence somewhere in the carport, or even built in one of the open spots in the fence gate.

Anyway, then a couple of days ago, I seen something odd over by my air conditioner unit (I have window units) and damned if it was not leaking in the house. Well, at 1st I know sometimes if the humidity is really bad, they will get pretty full of condensation. But, I even have "extra" holes drilled in the outside of mine and I went out, made sure they were cleaned out and nothing was stopping them up, and it was leaking even worse. I got concerned because even with a bowl under it, or a towel, it was dripping and running down the wall, and I feared it going into the wall plug and shorting everything out or worse. So, I only have that one, and a really small one room one, that I usually don't use in the bedroom. So, I knew that one "really" was not enough to keep the house all that cool, and this is already late yesterday, and I was just so pissed. So, I turned off the bigger one, turned on the small one, and put a fan in the bedroom door to pull the cool air into the living room... and then with ceiling fans on, it was "cool enough" that we made it fine, and slept without being hot. Of course this happens after it gets the hottest... not a month ago, when it was much cooler. So, I KNOW that both this larger unit here, and even the one at the other house are getting OLD... it would not surprise me if either of them go out, just because I know mine has to be getting close to 10 years old, and so is the other one.

This one already has lots of rust on it... and I know that it is going to have to be replaced. SO, I go out to WALLY WORLD this morning, thinking I may have to just buy one, and get my neighbor to help me put it in, plus the bigger one needs to be either in that bedroom window where it can keep the living room cool OR in a living room window but that means me moving a bunch of crap around to put it in one of those... so I think we paid something like 200.00 for like a 12,000BTU back then, and like 99.00 for a 5,000BTU one... DAMNED the 12,000 ones are 326.00!!!! I almost fainted.... and of course that is the only one they have right there in the store... they have LOTS more online, where I could pick... BUT I never thought until today looking at them, DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW THE PORTABLE UNITS DO IN A HOUSE? I know some people use them for like a garage but there are LOTS OF THEM ONLINE EVEN AT LOWE's and THEY CAN BE MOVED, thus I could move it if I needed to... I see you have to use a sleeve kind of like you use on a dryer vent to vent out the heat, so it comes with a "kit" to put in a window and some of them even do not have to be drained at all, they "use" the condensation.... others you can drain and so forth... lots to pick from but I would like to know if anyone has had any experience with a PORTABLE A/C BUT USING it DAILY FOR A HOUSE?  If you have, I would love to know how that works.... I mean of course once you have it set up, you would want to leave it due to venting the heat out of a window BUT if you needed to move it for some reason that would be a heck of a lot easier than a window unit...besides trying to keep a window unit clean, clear of stuff, and make it really "sealed" in is difficult to do, but it needs to be done so your air does not just leak out.... any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.... So, that is one issue... Now I have the pain for the kitchen, which the darker blue I posted I am doing the kitchen cabinets in, then I picked a much lighter blue for the walls, and thought I may use it in the bathroom since for now, I may NOT get that old tub out of there and have a shower put in...

I know to get that old iron tub that they covered in porcelin long years ago is a pain, and they have to be either sawed in pieces, or we broke this one with a sledge hammer to get it out... but it would be a big undertaking, then probably I would have to get the tiles down that are there now around the tub in order to put one of those two piece type of showers I am talking about it... so I may have to settle for the "bench" I bought already and then a really good shower head on a handle like I use now, and just try and get that tub as "clean looking" as possible. I got ALL of that rusty stain crap out of the toilet - that Lime Away took every bit of it out with a bit of letting it set and then using a "Magic Eraser" on it... I got just about every bit of it out... now I just need a new toliet seat... and the sink is yuck but I can live with it for now I guess... it is frustrating since I have my "big honkin shower/tub" that was expensive and we had to put together when it got here but that is okay... not that huge of a deal... So, I am trying to get as much painting done as I can, and then I ordered a floor "buffer" after seeing it was over 40.00 A DAY to RENT ONE, hell I bought one on Amazon for just a bit over that, for the hardwood floors... I will need it anyway, so to heck with renting one... but now today I have this "Smart Beat" Appointment at my Doctors office.

They have been trying to get me in to do it for months, but due to Mom, I've had to put it off until now... and I really DO NOT have the time to mess with it today, but decided it will "take the place" of having to go back through getting "testing" to have my neck surgery... which my surgeon would make me go back through before doing the neck surgery since it has been months since I had it all done... they may not do the Chest Xray BUT my Cardiologist can order it and the blood work, or I can have it done at Urgent care for cheaper than anywhere... anyway, so I have to do that at 2PM... and my Bub's, my Chiweenie, has nails that he totally refuses to allow me to cut, in fact at times we have to muzzle him even at the Vet, depending on his “mood"  anyway, he has one front paw that has been bothering him and it looks kind of swollen, so I figure it is those long nails either he hung that one on something, but they are awful... I know I let them go too long, but I just hate taking him because he just hates having them cut so badly.... but he is getting up older now, and he concerns me, because he just does not play and do like he used to... he will play some with the "Holy Terrier" Peanut, but Peanut is a total pest, all the time he wants "attention"... he is still on my "trial" list and I've continued to think if he does not "grow" out of some of this mess he pulls, I may have to take him back... anyway, if it is not one thing it's the other... my right ankle is still swelling up, if I am up on it for very long... and now for some odd reason it hurts... it had not really "hurt" very much, but the past 3 days all of a sudden it hurts... so I am not sure about that either... strange.... like me strange... okay, well time for me to get my butt in gear and go get this "Smart Beat crap" done... they do some additional tests on the heart and listen to the carotid arteries and so forth, since I have had heart issues... it is no charge to me... the insurance pays for it all.... so like I said I think most of it will also be what the surgeon wants done before my neck surgery... and then tomorrow I take Bub's in... but I have GOT TO GET TIME to freaking get on the painting! It seems it is something every day... I did get my new cell phone... so I am now a proud owner of an "I-Phone5" and I even broke down and bought a really nice case for it this morning.. hell I won't use have the stuff on it LOL....