Saturday is "D" Day for me (Discharge Day) from Rehab - Excited,Thrilled, Terrified, how to "move back" into real life yet knowing the Osteoporosis could cause further issues

Finally I knew that day was coming soon - the "D-Day" of my own life, discharging and going home from Rehab...

I've been asking "how much longer" now for months it seems; although it has been "weeks" and not months... Yet, after being told yesterday, I would be leaving Saturday, I felt a "good panic" and a "bad panic" in my head and gut.

I am thrilled to GET HOME! To my life, my eating, sleeping, and living habits, BUT I am still going to be limited as far as "what I can and can't do" - and that scares me. I am so used to doing my own thing, going to the market when I want, cleaning my house the way I want, messing around in the yard, caring for my plants, doing laundry, and all of the usual stuff, from vacuuming, cooking and cleaning, yet just now I figured out with this walker and going home, that even carrying a cup of coffee is not going to be the easiest thing in the world... trying to push that walker with one hand, and carrying the coffee was kind of "difficult". But, I've got to learn to "make my own ways" around, and hopefully I will be on a cane soon, where one hand will be free to carry some things...

BUT, on the other hand I am totally terrified to go home... since I left lots has changed just within a month tomorrow actually. I fell on the 13th of December and had surgery that night. I got to rehab about the 18th or so, and in the chaos of it all, I lost my precious pup Bub's who I feel grieved himself to death missing me. He was so upset for me to leave for a day, or a few hours, I think he just quit eating, drinking and laid on his favorite spot, and wasted away, waiting for me to come home. He passed away, and he had lost so much weight, I just could not believe it, when he died in my arms a couple of weeks ago. Peanut, is so much younger, so he has gotten used to Jason being there, and he so far seems to be doing okay.

I am going to be getting another puppy soon. But, first I've got to get me at the house and settled in. I need rails built on my front steps, and I need I feel a new set of steps built on the back. The concrete ones back there are so steep, even with rails, I feel they maybe too steep for me to try and bring groceries in, and so forth.

I never thought I would be one to be worried about being alone, but that is not because I fear someone getting in etc...I fear having an accident, and hurting myself again. This hip fracture was a total accident, but I am going to have to try and learn to slow down, not try and take on so many projects at once, and know that "tomorrow" on many thing is another day. After all, I face neck surgery soon, and possibly lower back surgery this year. I have that new car sitting there, and I am so used to doing so much on my own, waiting to have "help" putting on the plates, putting in the sticker and so forth, I am not one to put off something waiting on someone else to do it for me... So, my fear is my own restlessness. I also need to rearrange my kitchen where I can reach things that now are in the top shelves, and I must stand on my little 3 step ladder to reach. But, my kitchen cabinets are not all that great, and trying to arrange them will be difficult. Now I wonder if I should have picked Mom's house, maybe it would be easier to get around in... yet it is what it is and I've got to cope - I also know I am going to owe $$ on this damned fall and hip fracture, plus I'll have to cough up funds on the neck surgery, and lower back surgery also... so those in themselves are enough to worry me. My credit issues I spent 10 years or more getting straightened out from my 2nd marriage and all of the high bills he ran up maxing out credit cards, the last thing I need is to screw it all back up with doctor and hospital bills.

So, YES I am thrilled, and YES I am TERRIFIED to go home at the same time.....

How "Autoimmune and/or other Chronic Illnesses" seem to "slow you down to a snail's pace"

Lots going on here, there and yonder...mmm one of those "Texas" words "yonder"??? I have people especially ones in California ask me where "yonder" is??? Well, in TX, it usually means in the direction you are pointing! LOL!!! New word for today....  "lollop"... to "loll" around for short... or to be a bit in a lounging position and it can also mean to "bob" up and down.... I had heard this one and have used it so not really "new" to me, but it puts it in my head to use it more... I am in the process of finishing paying bills, cutting out coupons, and trying to NOT feel BAD!!! I woke up about 4 am with the worst headache, and my stomach was upset.... plus I just have no energy for some reason... and of all days... even though it is sunny outside, the wind chill has to be COLD as heck! Oh, another word I had tried my best to think of last night, and I could recall several words that kind of meant the "same" as what I was trying to come up with. Finally I got the Thesaurus out and looked up "neutered", "watered down" and so forth. Then the word I was looking for hit me... CENSORED... I think something due to me NOT censoring my writing there are times some may get offended by what I say. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not going to poignantly come out and write something meaning to piss someone off or upset them on purpose. But, if I begin censoring my writing, it is no longer what I want to say. It has made me wonder why I don't get as much traffic to my blog as I want. I realize that "links" back to other sites help immensely, to get your rankings up as far as SEO goes for sites and search engines. But, it is not even "strangers" that maybe "googling" a certain type of blog, or illness, and then they come across a link to my blog or facebook page etc. It is more about wanting ALL of those that spend time here at Facebook, Google Plus, and other places they may find out about me being a writer and published author that I am interested in. I seem to never get feedback. No matter if I write about my own health issues, about the other places I am a strong voice as far as advocacy, activist, and ambassador on, or if I am talking about my own latest catastrophic event of the day, I never get many replies back, or more comment is what I mean on the blog in itself. Does that mean people don't like it so father than say something tacky to me, they just don't say anything at all. Or is it I do hit the nail on the head for many, yet they just don't find it necessary to submit a comment on whatever subject matter I may pick for the moment. Well, unless something ridiculous happens this year of 2015 I plan on posting MORE blog posts, and working on both books daily, as well as learning a new word, getting back to my exercising since I have kind of flaked off the past several months. I do lots of running around since Jim is not able to go out, or clean, cook etc... so I get lots of "exercise" with all of that, but I need to be back on the stationary bike, out walking daily or trying once again to use my stair climber. Me and that thing have hell, but it is mainly because my feet want to slip and slide all over the place. That does make it difficult to exercise on when you are constantly having to reposition your feet.

Okay, I have done a couple of the "new" items on the agenda, and I stopped a moment to say hello to all. It is hard to believe the holidays are already past, the new year is here, and once again it is back to the "farm" to hitch up the mules, put the crops in order, get kids back to school, and put noses to the grind stone hoping for a better 2015 for many of us.... take it one step at a time, one breaths space at a time, one day, one week, one month... all at a time... slow down, stop. and try your best to "accomplish" something even if it a new word daily, that you can be proud of for 2015... read a book, write a novel, crochet, paint, learn to play an instrument, go back to college, or just spring clean your home and throw away everytthing that has NOT BEEN USED in a YEAR! I have figured out, if something is lingering around my home, whether in my closet as clothes, or dishes, or whatever might be "building up" and not being used... throw it in the recycle bin, take it to Goodwill, give it away, have a garage sale, but take your home to an entire new level... for me that does mean a great deal of getting rid of stuff that is just that stuff that sits around and is either already worn out, or I will never use, or was meant to do one thing or the other but I never got to it... and I am bound and determined, that I am GOING TO PAIN MY KITCHEN and have a new floor put in. IF it "hair lips" Harry as the old saying goes - actually it is "if it hair lips the Pope"... and I am not sure why, but that is how it has been said for eons... I already have colors picked out, and they have an already "pre-cut" cabinet top that is not all that expensive that should replace mine hopefully quite easily... so my hopes are that at the very least I get a "new updated" kitchen, floor to ceiling, and we get the outside of the house painted... of which I can do most of it myself, but I am just so slow, it will take me quite awhile by the time I sand down all of the old paint (Lord I bet there are 5 layers of old paint) on my cabinet fronts. Someone before us never scraped or sanded anything. and then when we got here, it was a hurry up, had our lease on our apartment ending, and did not want to pay another month's rent if possible... so there were somethings we had to kind of just "do half azzed" at the time, in order for us to move in that fine Winter of 2006, which we almost froze our butts off... Lord it was a cold winter that year. Jim was redoing our hardwood floors, and we were concerned about whether that coatings would dry on them fast enough for us... we really needed to scrape those cabinet fronts and doors, but time made us just get it painted and cleaned up so we could get moved in... wow, how the heck we made two huge moves, including coming to Amanda's wedding the Summer before we moved here, then Dad's funeral at the 3rd month of 2005, then we made the major move to San Pedro CA, and withing 3 months were on the road again for a long haul to Ennis....we got here on December 19th, 2005... Amanda had just had James on the 6th of December, and they all came up, well at that time it was Heather, James a new born, Amanda and Jimbo, then Jason and Danielle I believe both came over... I know Jason did... anyway down memory lane... due to me knowing what I could get accomplished then, compared to how long it takes me to accomplish anything now... is like a very long, long distance... Anyway, off to take meds, eat a bowl of cereal or something, and possibly get some writing done.... ;) ,

Covers I am working on for my Two New Books

(Edited AAI & Decisions of Life) "Murphy's Law... or more like Rhia tumbles once again down the hill..

Dammit!!! I am so Miffed and Ticked off! Something happened and an electrical transformer blew and shut everyone's electricity off!!!!So, when that happened EVEN with a surge protector! So, I am trying to use an very OLD laptop that sucks!!! We are in the process of ordering me a new one, so I am stuck with this for now. I wanted to let everyone know. PLEASE BARE/BEAR or (maybe I sound like a "grouchy old bear)...  with ME a couple of days. I have some of my files on this one, but I have lots on my external hard drive that this old lap top won't work with!!!!It takes what seems like hours to even post here!!!! I am just feeling like hell just opened up and swallowed me today!! Everything that could happen I think happened, I dropped all of some of my pills in the floor and on the cabinet. I went to the market, and dropped a few of my plastics (card) in the floor. You name it, it has happened. Then as I said all of a sudden the lights were gone, and I heard the "bang". And I was the one that called it in. We had no lights for about an hour. lights came in, everything great EXCEPT ME!!! I am not sure I will make another blog post until I get the new one. And I will post this there so anyone coming to my blog will understand. I sat in the floor and literally cried my yes out under my desk, I was SO UPSET!!! This is the LAST thing we needed, We are already strapped for the green stuff, and now I face this. And this is no "loaf of bread" to buy...

UPDATE to the DAY from Hades : 

I did get the new IMac ordered earlier this week. :) I also did get to finance it for UP TO 6 months and no interest charges. That is awesome! I hope to pay it off the first of January, but at least I have an option and do not have to fork over money to them for interest. I got the message this morning that it is on it's way via Fed Ex. It's coming from California. They say "estimated" to arrive by next Tuesday! Let's freaking hope it makes better times than that since Fed Ex has it now. I pray for tomorrow... LOL.. but I have a feeling it will not be delivered tomorrow even if it does arrive in Dallas by tonight or early morning. Although if I would have not stood around trying to decide which one I wanted it may have arrived today. Yes, I know, patience is a virtue... and all things that are good, are worth waiting for... and the days go by quickly, it is a weekend before a holiday, relax... you can do a few things on this "dinosaur" of a laptop. Actually I could do most of my stuff on my I-Pad, which is faster. Yet, the I-Pads' keyboard and myself do not see eye to eye. I have a difficult time doing a huge amount of keying in on it. I do recall that I could use  my wireless (and by the way solar powered) keyboard with it. Although by the time I go through all of that, my new IMac will arrive and it will be a mute point. Besides I have PLENTY I can FIND to do at home. From moving Winter clothes to the front of my "walk-in" (might as well say go in inside ways if your lucky) closet (we have to "invent" closets in this house when we bought it, there were NONE) and putting the Summer stuff at the back, if possible. PLus I can look around and see that as MUCH as I love "knick-knacks" , keepsakes from trips, and just in general vases, glassware and so forth that have some kind of sentimental value to them for me, I have TOO MUCH STUFF now! Our home is very small. And believe me, I've had to get in the "extreme" parts of decorating when we moved in. LOL, and in some ways not just "extreme" more like miraculous ways to make space for everything. I still love it, don't get me wrong, but with all of the problems with my hands these days not wanting to cooperate due to the RA, and the advanced damage in my thumbs especially, I just can't keep all of it washed frequently and/or dusted, and I am beginning to look around, feeling like I "pack rat" as we call those who save everything. 

I know my husband Jim, would say that my type of "rat packing" is more or less a great thing of sorts.  If I save it, then i have some way in the back of my mind I will re-use it. If not then it goes straight to the recycle bin. If it can't be recycled in this silly small town, then I take it either where it can, or give it to a place here in town called "Souls Harbor"... sounds like the name of a place to be "harbored" from being out in the cold or something! LOL! Actually that name has been with it ever since it opened I guess. I recall as a child my parents taking things there. Everyone in town says first thing if you are talking about getting rid of something, take it to Souls Harbor. Actually as crazy as it may sound... many things for instance like my "precious" old computer chairs, old vacuum cleaner, along with several items that either "need" a slight fix, or we decide we don't need that are larger items such as that, we put them in the front lawn out by the street, with a "free" sign. By the time you go inside and come back out in less than an hour it will all be gone!   There are a couple of men that collect scrap metal, old washers, dryers, and furniture... and take it where it can be recycled. As far as anything else, these new light bulbs, plastic bags (if I even have any, I use only reusable ones for the most part), in cartridges, old glasses and anything that can be recycled that I know about, I do so. 

Needless to say, part of this post is definitely about autoimmune illnesses and how they effect our daily lives. Things such as clothes now days with the closet so small, must be arranged as much as possible so I can reach them, or even get to them. I have two racks on one side, and the top one is almost impossible for me to reach up to now, thus my "current" season clothing is put on the lower racks so I can reach them. About the dusting all of "memorabilia" I have. That is another nightmare now days. I was able to do so fairly frequently. Now I do well to get the floor vacuumed, dusting around just where I need to, baking or cooking, doing laundry, and just the daily chores we have in life, much less making more work for myself by having to clean and dust intricate items, or just finding a spot t store them in.  It is about time for me to have a "throw out" party. Everything that I feel is in the way, is not in 6 to 9 months, has been not read (although I find it very hard to get rid of any books)... but magazines go to our local library, good clothing either to our local place that take clothes to help others, or again our Souls Harbor takes good used clothing in and sells it for pennies. 

I know many of you are thinking this post rings a bell with you. Women especially tend to be more sentimental about items such as that. We want to save them for a good memory, or to hand down to our kids, or thinking we just can't throw out something that could be useful for something someday! Then you are ran over by a Mack Truck of Autoimmune Arthritic illness/(es) ; only to discover we may have the "mindset" to keep those things, but our bodies have a totally different opinion!