Have a SAFE, HEALTHY, HAPPY, JOY-FILLED Christmas &may the New Year Bring Us all many Positive Outcomes

Merry Merry Christmas!

May The Spirit of the Season Bring A Warmth to Your Heart, Safeness surrounding you, Hope. Joy, & Whether a Huge Meal or a turkey Sandwich May it be fulfilling in many, many ways... Prayers for Our Coming Year to be blessed and Overflowing with Hope, Peace, Wellness, & Most of All LOVE!

May Your ThanksGiving Weekend be Safe, full of Joy, Wellness, Friends & family - if you drive be extra cautious, if you fly take extra time at the airports

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL...

May Peace, the Warmth of Family and Friends, Faith, Hope, Joy & Much Happiness fill your Holidays & your Hearts! With Warmest Thanksgiving Treasured Reasons...May you be safe and well... If you journey out for the holidays may the roads be safe, may everyone stay well & May Joyous laughter fill the air all around... Prayers and thoughts are with you...

Thanksgiving - "Stay At Home" - go to see others, or already ill? things are so very up in the air & confusing!

 

COVID-19 and FEAR are Running Rampant this Holiday Season and Year! Everyone is physically Mentally and Emotionally "Unwound" and Exhausted.

I really don't have to write, email, say or post one word! It is everywhere, illness, worry, concern, people without jobs, trying to feed families, fear of becoming ill, or already are o have family or friends ill.

So, rather than "post" a very long, drawn out post this morning about all of those things, and I missed, the election, congress, and that mess!

I am going to try and put it simply.  I PRAY for OUR NATION, and our World to come together, for as now MORE THAN EVER EVERYONE NEEDS EVERYONE! I Hope everyone tries to remain as hopeful as possible. I hope each of us give thought to rather going out, staying home, cooking, not cooking, that the choices we make are those that are right our ourselves and family.

My heart bleeds for those who are severely ILL due to COVID-19 OR some other illness, & I pry they get to be well, and well on their way home to living life again.

I hope and pray that all of us try to keep one another from harm's way. Rather than fight, fuss, and do things that sometimes just exacerbate fear, anger and hatred. We show this country and the world WE are more than being bitter and angry. We are kind hearted, sincere, all for getting us back to the goodness we can be in.

So whether HOME, with RELATIVES, FRIENDS, having to work or whatever is thrown our way for the holidays, joy somewhere and a few laughs enter the scene!

With Love, Hope, Kindness and Sincerity, Pam

May Easter Bring Faith, Hope & A Renewed Sense of Love to All....

Blessings and Hope for This Easter Bring Miracles to our lives...

 I realize times are difficult now, for all of us. Even though we keep Hop, Faith, Love.. in our Hearts.. "The Old Rugged "cross" was always one of my favorite songs & "Up from the Grave He Arose".. trying our best to HOLD ONTO the good things, 

May everyone be Blessed & find Love, & the Lord in Your Heart. This is a day I always remember. Even though it changed dates every year "Easter Sunday" is the day Dad Passed away. It always seemed "fitting" for Him, for he always stood on that Rock of Faith" May each of us find that "rock of Faith" to stand Upon...

 Blessings for Easter and the days ahead...

May The New Year of 2018, bring a renewed peace, better health, less stress, added hope, and a feeling of "life worth living" to all....

My hopes are that everyone had a wonderful Christmas holiday, and everyone got to where they needed to be both going and coming, without delays from weather, illness or anything else...
I also bid you a very Precious and Special 2018! My heart has hope, that we find Tranquility, A Faith to withstand and to triumph over evil and those who wish harm upon others. May there be a LIGHT that adds warmth to your soul, and may we all find the beauty in all things....

I realize that MANY of us had yet again, a "terrible" 2017, whether it be family, loss, health, jobs, finances, or "harm" from others, most of us will try and find that renewal of faith come midnight 2017/2018...

Wishing each and every one of you a SAFE, HAPPY, and GRAND New Year! My hopes and prayers are that WE as a person, as families, as friends, as workers, and as a state and nation find more hope, more peace, less stress, and a brand new outlook on our lives. 

I "try" to always find "hope" deep down inside this time of year. I am not "one" to have a "New Years Resolution" list, but a I usually have a "few things" down that I might like to "try" if I haven't done it before, "OR" change an old habit, find a new friend, or a new hobby, pray that my health gets no worse, and wish for peace most of all, in these times of trials, tribulations and suffering we see or hear about almost daily... May we be blessed with a New Outlook...

Wishing you much in blessings, hope, strength, better health, family, friends, jobs and so much more....

May you Find Blessings, Peace, Harmony, Love and a Wondrous Easter Day and in the Days Ahead....

 

May You Be Blessed with Hope and Love Today, Easter Day and in the Days Ahead....

Happy Easter to All! Mine started out insane, I didn't go to bed until late, just because I have been NOT sleeping for several reasons over the past 8 weeks or so. Either I have terrible night terrors, that wake me up, and I am crying, then I get "stopped up" and can't breathe, and by the time I get settled, then I am not sleepy... or I just wind up turning the TV back on, and then I can sleep at times. I keep waking up at 2am, 3am, 4am, until I am so sick of the hourly issue, that I give up, get coffee, and sit up watching something on Netflix until I feel okay enough to do things. 

Also, my pain level is off the charts for the most part. My neck is so bad, that i am in constant pain with either a horrid headache, or my neck so stiff I can't turn it, and then I get more tense, and my entire body hurts.., this humid weather is not helping... although not all that "hot" the humidity has just been off the charts this past several weeks. I get up and every morning even if it has not rained everything is so "wet" grass and all, it it is muggy, sticky and too wet to even take Peanut out until it dries out later in the afternoon... plus I've had so many "catch up doctor visits, then Echocardiogram last week, follow ups on my hip, which is really been sore, but between the weather stuff, my RA is in a severe flare, and so is my Lupus, so that contributes to the pain, and it just all continues to circle around and around, causing me to not sleep, and then by early afternoon, I am so exhausted, I've just been up way too many hours, but I don't want to try to go to sleep at 8 or 9 pm, then the same cycle starts over again.

 Also, I've had so many things as far as paper work, trying to decide if I even want to "stay" in my house. I've just about decided to sell it. Right now it is a "seller's market" and like my investment lady and I talked about last week, I could sell quick more than likely, and do it without even a Realtor, and save that money and hassle. I've just gotten to where between ALL of the outside stuff, mowing, fire ants, other ants, bugs, and so forth, the weeds are nuts, the wasps and such are already trying to build nests, and I am constantly fighting them so i don't get a nest like last year, where i don't "see it" and they sting me, because I don't find the nest... that is what happened last year... they built 
in my gate to my car port, and then I found a huge nest from last year close to my front porch a couple of weeks ago... i could not see it last year, so I was constantly having to watch to keep them from getting in the house... so I've knocked down the old nests, been spraying and knocking down new ones as they start them, but I have dead trees, the "weeds" in the back look more like "trees" than weeds... so trying to weed eat, mow, cut, chop, saw, and then the inside NEEDS so much work, I still don't have the floors finished in the bathroom, kitchen and now the kitchen and bath need to be either finished or repainted... the outside still needs painting and it is terrible... plus it needs a roof... 

I know that is coming soon.,.. and there is just so much to keep up with that costs a fortune, or is beginning to be things that my "body" does not like me doing... like sawing, and even using the light weed eater and although all is cordless and battery operated still with all of my joint issues, pain, and now the Lupus and RA getting worse, I pay a price for 3 or 4 days after i work on things.. then I suffer like today, I hurt from head to toe... I do know having hold of that pole saw really helped my arms... i actually have "muscles" built up from the weed eating, mowing, sawing, cleaning and so forth... rather than all droopy, although the skin still is some, I finally have built back up some muscles in my arms and legs..,. if someone would have told me just 10 or 12 years ago, I would not be able to do even little things, trying to use a can opener, button buttons, zippers, and all kinds of things using my wrists, hands and fingers, I would have thought they were nuts... not true... my hands, fingers, wrists, and elbows are always stiff, not able to be used to open anything, and trying to do just about anything with them, on some days is almost impossible. Even sitting here to type, hurts my hands, wrists, fingers, but my neck, shoulders, lower back, all of me takes a "beating" from even sitting for very long.., it sucks and I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE, but I think after doing some thinking, and I found out i probably can do some investment stuff where I would have enough money from one or two of them to pay rent monthly for an apartment, and avoid all of the money I am pouring into this older home, that truly needs much much more work and funds, than I want to put into it.


I never thought I would feel that way, but after living in Seattle for 5 years, in an apartment where NONE of all of those things like upkeep, yard, problems, were anything i had to worry about, honestly I LOVED BEING FREE... I love having a yard, flowers, trees, but everything that goes along with them is getting to be more of a burden than "fun" like it used to be... I "hope" that between myself and my doctors nurse, who can be a jerk honestly, that we have my insurance company now where i DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A CT ETC. before my neck surgery! They told her last week I needed an "MRI" before they would approve it, well i cannot HAVE AN MRI DUE TO MY PAIN PUMP, and a CT scan is a waste of time and money - I have TWO LETTERS, ONE FROM JUST LAST DECEMBER, just before I broke my hip stating the INSURANCE APPROVED MY NECK SURGERY.... I fell, and we had to postpone due to the hip fractures... but the neck of course is WORSE, AND NO CT SCAN, will show different... the X-rays in themselves show the damage and how much worse it is than just 6 months ago or so.... anyway, I am going to stay on the nurses butt this next week, so she will do her part. I DID MINE FRIDAY! I got all of the information from the insurance company, faxed her the letter, and what they told me on the phone, and if she will not drag her feet, we can probably get it set up and done the last week of the month. I decided to wait and did not go to the Casino today.., the weather here and up that way is "wishy washy" today and tomorrow... and besides, 

I've had so much to do here, before surgery, and I feel like I've been beaten, I decided to "change" the reservation until next Sunday,,, I hope to go then and if not then wait until I am over the surgery in 5 or 6 weeks then I can go to the Casino then. I did get my ham baked, I made those home made biscuits with the Sprite Zero that are so good, got some fresh fruit, I have sweet potatoes etc if I wanted to fix them, and I have a half a cake that I baked earlier this week, etc.,,, so I don't think I will do much other cooking, I did bake some very "healthy" oatmeal cookies this morning, without all of the fat, sugars, carbs and so on in them... I ground my own oat flour, used Splenda, and the Ranger cookies of course have Oatmeal and Corn flakes in them... so they don't even have any white flour, and I used "County Crock" and not any type of oil or "bad" butter sat fats etc... they turned out really good and are not too sweet, and don't have a bunch of empty calories and "processed mess" in them, I re-potted a few of my plants that needed it, and right now my arms, hands and entire body hurt like hell. I think I am headed to the sofa for awhile to rest... I HAVE TO HAVE A SHOWER in a bit, but did not want to take that until I am finished with all of the "chores" stuff around 1st.... Hope everyone has a very blessed Easter and in the days ahead my prayers are that we find hope, peace, and "good things"... the way our world is, right now honestly it is frightening.... but "worrying" won't fix it, so rather than worry, I am just doing my own stuff, and enjoying my days and moments as they come.... Happy Easter again to all..

A Question We Often Avoid - Why do "Chronic Pain Patients Commit Suicide?

This is a subject we often do NOT want to speak about. But, it happens daily in our lives, for all kinds of reasons... this U-Tube Video is a gentleman speaking about a questions asked to him in a group setting about "Why Chronic Pain Patients Kill Themselves?" 

I watched the video and what he says is true... there can be all kinds of reasons, but for anyone who had been "healthy and stable", and suddenly something comes into play that takes away all "hope" then those are people that can suddenly decide they no longer can take another day, due to the pain, there is no "hope" for something better in the future and so forth... so I wanted to share this with all of you today... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpRr-A3JKyo

May The True Meaning of Easter Bring Faith, Hope, and a Renewed Spirit to you in Celebration of that Stone Rolled Away.....

As we reflect on the true meaning of Easter Sunday, and all of the hope, faith and trust it represents to those who believe, I bid you love, peace within and without, and the joy that the "stone" was rolled away in 3 days. Our very reason for this blessed celebration. We too have our own "stone's that shall be rolled away" and we have that gift of being set free one fine day from all of the pain, hurt, conflict, and what our "human kind" brings... and shall be in a new and glorious body, and where as "Our Father" promised will walk on the streets of gold, and share everything good in that land far away. May you find all of that peace and comfort this Easter Weekend, and walk in a new light knowing in your heart that you too will be set free from our hurt, pain and suffering...

Our world has become such a place of horror, too judgemental, too oppressed again, too full of hate, of cruelty, with lack of respect for any "life". We have so many that lack any type of morality when it comes to the very sanctity of what human life means. Our world has become a place that many of us feel terror, rather than feel freedom to be and do what we feel our lives are here for.... Even though we try and walk in the light knowing none of what here will matter someday, it is difficult NOT to be frightened each day of what some of these hate mongers may do....  

#meaningofEaster  

#stonerolledaway

#Dad2005

So, with hope and a place of peace inside I wish you an Easter filled with all things good... Rhia  

By the way my other thought for tomorrow....

Easter Sunday 2005, was the day my Dad passed away. This is a photo of some of my family at the cemetery. I felt this was an appropriate time to share this once again. Oddly enough, that particular Easter also fell on March 27th, 2005. Miss you and Love you Dad! I know that You and all of the family, along with Tazzy, friends and others await there with open arms for all of us. As much as I wished you were still here, honestly, you are in such a better place. I am thankful that you are not suffering, and  you are not suffering, nor having to witness all of the horrid things of this Earth now.... Love you, "Pammy"

 

 

From My home to Yours May Your Heart be Filled with Hope, Faith, Joy, Comfort, & Overflowing as the "Angels" Surround You....

May the Spirit of this Wondrous Season Bring you Hope, Faith, Joy, and Peace that shall pass all understanding. I wish you a safe journey if you are traveling, much joy with family and friends, and for those, like myself, "celebrating" more or less alone, also know that there are those out there who do love and care... 

May the Angels Surround you and Bring to you the Cup of Faith that shall run over, and give to you all of the Tidings and Mysteries, of Christmas Cheer and Magic...

Love, Rhia

 

 

New Poem - A Long Time since my "Voice" visited me....

I knew in a few days after first writing this, I would "change it".... some of what I wanted to say, didn't come out the way I really wanted it to... so this morning I "heard" my "voice" calling, thus I made some changes. Still I feel like all of those incredible poems, all of the wondrous writing I did for so many years, is still a "faded memory".... and that frightens me... All I've ever held onto, no matter what is my ability to tell my heart, and speak how I feel through the "written word"... again all of that seemed to walk out the door about 8 months ago or more... so again I try.... and hope one day those "words" that used to ring so vibrantly shall do that once again...

I've not really "written a word in I am not sure how long...
I felt I no longer held the "words" to say, and my "voice" left me also, on that May 2015 Day. So, this is the first poem I have written in a very long time... not sure that it is "right' yet... but wanted to post it
not even sure about the title yet either but here it is....

Two Hearts Intertwined In A Stained Glass Hue...

One fateful morning April, 2005,
Two came together, to be united as one.
Vows written, and saying "I Do!
Feeling I was a princess, & my Prince finally came true....

We vowed to each other to softly combine...
We stood in the soft hew of stained glass in "sync" a perfect time.
We talked of our future,
All of our plans, hopes and dreams..
Knowing that never would life, pull us apart at the seams.

Suddenly you turn around and it is years, not just a day.
Time captured some memories, all along the way
To the top of that mountain to show we never feared.

Life's crazy "schemes", throws a curve ball straight to the heart.
We vowed each day forward, life would never burst us apart...
Even with as much love as was here,my race never to be won.
Two heart combined together, beating only as one...
Two pieces held together by one, torn from whole into two.
And the only was to "fix" it, is the memory of that stained glass hue...

Rhia Steele copyright December 2015

Life, Pain, Lots of "Stuff" and living with "what we are given".....

Got Mom through the lumbar ESI injections early this morning in Dallas.... 3 different places, and hoping her back pain improves... our Pain Specialist seems to think they will help a good deal...

My "surgery" for the new pain pump (replacement) is on December 29th!!! One heck of a way to end 2015...

My severe pain, in my shoulder blades, down in my elbows, and even into my wrists and thumbs, NOT my other surgeries, thank goodness... BUT, I need another cervical neck disc replacement... I believe he said C-4 ?? is 80% COLLAPSED and has to be fixed...

Good news, the abscesses, one gone all the way, the other about 90% closed also... :)

Bad news the pain is horrible... and I still need the lumbar/sacral back surgery also... ALL of course postponed for at least 4 months now due to the cellulitis/abscesses on both top thighs....

Got the puppy, got his 2nd boosters... and got my hair cut, that was yesterday! I love it, or I will in about a week, once it grows out just a tiny bit... then it is really better, than when 1st cut... and it is SHORT!

Holidays, well suck... my kids will be not around... busy, plus my daughter 8 hours away or so...

And I've had an EXTREMELY ROUGH WEEK, EMOTIONALLY... I AM SURE DUE TO MANY THINGS, AND THE HOLIDAYS, after losing my Tazzy who was an Xmas present 12 or so years ago... plus Jim not here and in Seattle...

Just so much going on, and by the time I "think" I may have time to write or do something else different, something else happens, like I had to put a new flapper in Mom's toliet this week, in among everything else....

Seen some awesome Christmas Movies, I love Hallmark Channel... and other movies as well... the "Coat of Many Colors" about Dolly Parton's young years, was amazing!

So, here is a new pic of me....

 Happy Holidays to All - May we have Peace, Comfort, Joy, Hope and Faith throughout the rest of 2015 and into 2016 - to Eternity!

 

Busy Time and Trying to Keep my Head on Straight, Keep the Brain Fog from setting in, getting closer to the pain pump reclacement surgery, the horrid, almost Unbearable Pain with my RA/Lupus, Holidays a NEW Fur-baby! and so much more....

New Direction for my Next Book below...

I have LOTS of things that are on a "deadline" in the next couple of days, but I wanted to share that a very dear long-time friend of mine and I were talking earlier this week, and we were talking about our lives, the younger years, and so forth. As I began to kind of "catch her up" on some things I really have never spoke about much, as far as how my "home life" was, I have an extremely controlling Dad, and I love him, and always will, and miss him even after 10 years since he passed away... but in many ways he, "stifled" me from "being ALL I wanted to BE"... his age, the times he was brought up in, his "views" on women, as far as college, careers... and as we talked, my friend said something that
inspired me about my 3rd book! 

I do NEED to tell my "story" about my life, even during my much younger years... especially as a teenager, and how much I was "kept" from doing all the things that the other kids in High School were doing.... he was more than overprotective"... and in many ways, it truly has "molded" my adult life at times... and it is a integral part of my life, and all that I've endured.... even the abuse later from an Ex-Husband (not my present one, Jim has never hurt me as far as abuse), but my daughters Father... anyway... all of that and more is a story that I should tell... for I am sure many others have dealt with the same things, yet they may not speak of it either... so I do have a NEW DIRECTION, AND A NEW VOICE, whispering me to make some additions, and/or changes where my 3rd book shall go... I think it will be something that many will want to read... Thank YOU, and you know who you are... I am so grateful that you have became once again a very dear friend.... whom I trust, and I admire...

The New Addition to our family - "my new fur-baby" Dennis!

 

 

Wanted to share a few pics of the new “fur-kid” addition Dennis, and Bub’s! I got Dennis yesterday evening, and brought him home for a “weekend trial”… but it appears they are already best friends… that is the most I’ve seen Bub’s play in a very long time! I think “if Mommy” me, can keep up with the both of them, I have my “Christmas puppy”….


Latest Addition of My Newspaper "All Things Autoimmune" - great article from pain, Lupus, and so much more!

https://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines 

 

 A latest Pic of Rhia!!!!

Much other things going on... but I must run out for a bit... PLEASE keep an eye out thought... I have an EXTREMELY important post for everyone that I will put up later today or tomorrow!

 

"I Hope You Dance" - A Song, Lyrics, & a New Hallmark Channel Special that will bring you to your knees in faith, it will give you wings, & I cannot say enough that it is a MUST to see...

It was late by the time I got to be able to watch this incredible Hallmark Special based upon the song that Lee Ann Womack brings such a warmth, light, faith, hope and love to your heart. If this song does not "touch" you in some way, I am not sure anything can...

I had been eagerly awaiting that show to come out... I had it set to record for weeks from the Hallmark Channel... but little did I know just HOW INCREDIBLE this show is, and what it brought into my heart, how much it has already changed me, my spirit, and given me pure faith, and pure hope... to know that in spite of Lupus, in spite of the Chronic Pain, in spite of ALL that obviously I was not prepared for in my life... that has happened... some I can make a change, or have another chance, and know that love is here deep within my soul, deeper into my heart, than I had felt in a long while... Life as many of my readers know, has not been kind to me... not in several years... and I "lost" and am in the midst of still grieving over more loss than anyone should have to endure....

Today I post this, for in a long time, even before I began to watch this show last night, just hearing the song again, brought "life" and "voice" and I wrote a poem, within moments... I don't want to spoil the show by telling too much, but anyone dealing with Chronic Illnesses, Lupus in particular, or has lived through a horrible accident, and one that may have left you broken up physically, plus mentally and emotionally...

or those that have suffered such a horrid loss... the loss of a child especially, to suicide, or anyone losing a close loved one suddenly... within a moment a life has been taken away.. and the mortal hell one can go through... All of these things, and so much more ... in this show... in this inspirational and motivational song..  so, "I Hope" You Dance....  (from here below until the lyrics of the song is posted, is my own words... my own heart... and just how within a moment, a few lyrics, from a song that has always been one that speaks to my heart....

"Anything in Life that is truly worth something... at times never comes "easily".... Life is a "dance"... a dance in the fires and flames... or a dance beside the ocean's waves... a shuffle across the old hardwood floor, or to glide into an open door... We can sit on the sidelines of life, and watch as everyone else "lives" that two step, waltz, or two in rhythm, or we can give in and take the chance on what we are given... and faith is always Half Full at a glance... often times we tend to ignore our 2nd chance... if I've learned anything in my time here... is to throw away the dark days and the fear... trust in yourself, and give your heart over to that gift of chance, and never forget to just .... Dance.... as I begin to watch this movie I've waited for now several weeks to come on, featuring and based upon the song by Lee Ann Womack... "I Hope You Dance"... again... here are the words, and they should move you to tears..."  - Rhia..


. "I Hope You Dance"
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those year

Lee Ann Womack singer....


Here is one link to the Hallmark website... that has the information on this, and how it touched so many, and the people that helped to make this wonderful show, you will enjoy knowing they were an integral part of this...

 More of what I wrote after watching the movie.... 

 
The "Movie" that this song is based upon, is really not just a "movie" but more about how many lives this song touched, I am still watching, but one of the women that is in this, and had this song help her through losing a job, a long term relationship..DUE TO LUPUS!, and others are telling their heart felt, personal stories... what is written above, before I posted the lyrics, is what I WROTE... myself... Music has always been a huge part of my life... is has brought me to my knees in tears, and it has helped me to climb up the jagged edges of life's mountain, to find the beauty at the top, and shout to the world, I made it... 
yet again, there are times music allowed me to slide down once again, all the way to the sands on the ocean's shores, where only footprints of my life remain... it inspires me to write, it inspires me to "feel"... and I mean "feel"... get in touch with when it hurts so badly, you think your heart is totally breaking into pieces... and there is such thing as having a "heart attack" from a broken heart... 
I had one, and then another.... and that came straight from my cardiologist's mouth... there are times, that the bottled up, mixed up, gaping wounds of my soul... are opened up to drain, bleed... so they can "scar over" much like my body has, so I can regain faith again... so if you NEVER truly "listen" and allow the music to sink in, then you may not find that passion, the strengths, the weaknesses, the elated memories, moments, and the ones you prefer to bury away...




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UE-JsPV4Sk 

The U-Tube Video about this above.....

Chest Xrays, Cellulitis, RA, Swollen Joints, Fingers, Hands, Unable to take my RA meds, Lawns, Neighbors, and Dealing with all of the daily stuff of Life

Well once again we face another Friday! This week has been anything BUT GOOD... in about 4 billion ways, I thought I may just lose my mind, or the tiny bit of it I thought I had left.... FINALLY and who knows for sure but Urgent Care called yesterday afternoon and after over 2 WEEKS of back and forth from them to the Rheumy, I think they have the correct Order for the Chest Xray!!!! Sometimes miracles "can happen"... although lately NOT for me! I believe I mentioned I DID FINALLY FIND a Surgeon who is thankfully just over in Waxahachie to probably remove this lump on my left thigh. But, what I have NOT told the doctors at all, is that I have this other one that formed several weeks back on my right thigh, in just about the same spot. But, since I am seeing the surgeon a week From today, I felt I would bring it up then. BUT< once again I ran into another issue... now that lump that never really was "red" or what they call "agitated" on the outside, or really was never sore, now in the past few days, had become more red on the outside of the skin and it is extremely sore... and so it the one on my right thigh... not really red but very sore to the touch. Since I still have a week before i see the surgeon I called my PCP this morning and told them to let him know, and that I felt I needed another round of antibiotics until I can get in to see the surgeon. I fear now that the infection could be growing outward, and that is the very last thing I need right now... so I am waiting on a call back to see what they say. I hope he does not want me to come in... there is really nothing more to do, but get back on the antibiotics, and wait to see the surgeon,... and then I have to run over across town and get that chest Xray I hope done today. PLUS I DO have to take Mom's care to be inspected today, since they have made the changes in how we register and inspect our vehicles in TX, as of March 2015.So, we can't get the registration sticker until I get it inspected.... but not a big ordeal, I just have to go get her car, and take it to be inspected... I DID get the "bug granules" finally yesterday and I broadcasted them from front, back and sides all over my lawn. I HOPE that curbs the fire ants, which I have already put stuff on all of the mounds, but this other stuff also gets rid of other ants, fleas and so forth, which I can tell what I put out in the Spring has stopped working... thus I needed to do it again... ONE GOOD NOTE FINALLY... OR I HOPE SO... MY ECHOCARDIOGRAM CAME BACK THAT MY HEART FUNCTION IS "BETTER" A BIT, THAN WHEN I HAD ONE DONE IN 2011!!!!! NOW THAT DID MAKE ME HAPPY! But, as I told Mom, I "hope" the heck it is "mine" and is accurate!!! Knowing my luck, hell it could be read wrong or someone else's - anything is possible with me and my stuff.... nothing is usually ever that easy..... but if so, that means I should be good to go for the lumbar surgery dammit if I ever get RID of this damned whatever is going on with the lumps on both thighs... there is no way, no how they will do surgery on me until I am all clear of that, along with now I will NOT be able to get back on the Orencia or the Xeljanz UNTIL I am all CLEAR of infection!!! WHICH MY RA IS so MUCH worse! Both of my hands, wrists and fingers, I can barely use... I have hell from opening a jar, a lid, or anything, along with I can't carry stuff as well... my hands are just so swollen, even this morning worse than ever... my ankles, my shoulders, neck everything to do with my "joints" seem to be so much worse that ever... and I am extremely concerned... not only am I so stiff and swollen, the pain is bad again in my hands, fingers and wrists... PLUS I GUESS since my neighbor had chosen to all of a sudden ignore my existence... O am going to have to fix my lawn mower (the rope broke that pulls it to crank) fix that, and mow the lawn myself... I am sick and tired of seeing it like this, and I will be damned if I ask him... he has a "bee" in his bonnet over something, I have NO CLUE what the problem is... but my yard looks like hell and I intend on getting it mowed dammit... well I have to get dressed and get going... or I will never get all of this crap done... more later, and happy Friday to All!

Coping with Loss - Life changed by Autoimmune Illnesses, & all kind of other health ailments, complications, & the thought of a chronic illness taking your very life away...

Over the past several years the subject of having autoimmune illnesses, along with my other health issues.... many of them due to the AIs... a voice sometimes brings up the loss we suffer when the very life we have made is jerked out from under you.

You begin to research, to see specialists, to try medications that can have as bad of side effects as the disease themselves do... you know that once you find out that your total immune system has been hijacked by these horrid diseases, your chances of survival becomes less.

We ALL have times we think about dying... passing away to move from this world into another, whatever you think that may be for you...

Whether you have a brush with death from a bad accident, from another disease, such as cancer, diabetes, or possibly some other issue from Mother Natures storms, to those who choose to walk into a public place and open fire on unsuspecting individuals, or crash planes into buildings, that would just as soon blow themselves up in the name of their religion... there are many ways that some of us may face whether our time is up on Earth, and feel that near death experience is often a wake up call, for us to do something different in our lives.

I have encountered more of these, than I care to admit actually. A 4-wheeler accident at 25 years old, nearly within inches as I centered the front of a car, and I went completely over the top of that car, after my mouth hitting the hood ornament, and for fortunately the momentum threw me completely on the black top behind it and not through the windshield... or I would have never made it...

Then at age 40, I suffered a heart attack, that at first the doctors thought caused severe damage to my heart muscle, and it was not until I was transported to Dallas and had an angiogram, was I told I was extremely lucky, that there was very little damage to my heart... and


in 2010 after a night of being suddenly so extremely ill that I literally could not walk, and throwing up green bile... having a gallbladder removed, which something went terribly wrong and I had to spend 6 weeks in a hospital in Dallas, and at the time again, they were not sure exactly what was wrong.. I was in and out of surgeries several times, and supposedly one issue with a cut in one of my bile ducts. It was allowing toxins to pour into my abdominal cavity, thus again I was just meant to still be here, because I finally did get well, yet before I left that hospital I suffered a 2nd heart attack. Due to all of the stress emotionally and the toll my body had been through, the felt it was more from an artery in spasms, and I have so far not had to have any type of stent etc... all so far is being treated with medications, for which I am grateful.


Till this day, even my own Primary Care Doctor tells me, that I certainly was meant to be here, because he feared for my life when all of that went down. Now, with the Lupus, RA, Sjogrens and so forth, along with medications such as Predisone, Biologics, and my other health factors, if I allowed myself to, I could bury myself under neath my bed, and not face life daily.

So, a couple of days ago, I was listening to the radio while running errands and Tim McGraw and his song, Live like You were Dying ... came on... I have always loved that song and it hit me after the ordeal recently with the cellulitis, so many antibiotics, the stomach and intestinal whoa s I have been through, along with the concern over my own need for lower lumbar/sacral surgery... and of course knowing these AI illnesses, along with my other health issues leaves me many times over of becoming ill with something that could take my life in an instant... my Rheumatologist has reminded me more than once my chances just due to the RA of having a heart attack are like 50% more than a person without RA.

I have a dear friend, and she is suffering after being cancer free for over 30 years (she had cancer while we were still in high school and beat it), it has case back and has truly shook her to the core...  things for her truly have been a great deal like my own, with those people you had come to county on, suddenly just walk out on you... when you need them the very most.... and even with someone there you still feel frightened by the what if this, that or the other...

I also find myself, as well as many others, not wanting to talk about the subject - of course it is human nature to hide those feelings and try to surpress those horrible thoughts, yet they have a way of creeping in and I have found my own best way is when it comes up in thought to myself, I must work it all out and not try and ignore the facts... facing all of the possibilities for me has been a long road, but it has truly helped me to learn to deal with those nights I wake up drenched in sweat, crying out, and jumping up for night terrors.. plus for myself the more I try to keep it under wraps the more I find myself overly stressed and making myself almost ore physically ill.


So, what is the point of this post? For one, due to the complications of myself at the moment, and all that those medical issues cause, along with the concern over my Mom her back problems, and getting her the doctors and proper treatments to relieve the pain is has... I do better putting either pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard I guess you could say and writing about it... it helps to purge those feelings, of course they certainly will pop up again in the future...

Plus I DO WANT others to realize being frightened of dying, or feeling like your life could be taken away - way to QUICKLY when you still have so much more life to live is difficult to deal with.... so by my own posting of this, I hope to help others to get in touch with the reality of one of these and/or other chronic illnesses taking you away for good from your loved ones... and working through those feelings...


Here are the lyrics to Tim McGraws song....

"Live Like You Were Dyin'"

He said I was in my early 40's,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.

I am not quote sure exactly what point, if any that I am making as far as my readers. At the moment, a part of this posting is for myself... facing my own mortality issues, facing that my last living Aunt, could pass away at any moment, yet that is with all of us... we could be in a horrible accident, or be struck down by an emergent health problem, a stroke a heart attack, an embolism...

We could walk into a shopping mall, or a movie theater, or into your local Wally World, and someone decide to bomb it, or open fire on us, the innocent ones, even at church, it seems no one is safe anywhere, anymore... Our world is and had been tested, our nation tested and tested again... from strange and new diseases, from MSRA and bacteria that are resistant to all medications we have now... we could be gassed by something dropped into our air, or in our water... we could have a plane fall out of the sky, or a local lethal business, such as a chemical warehouse, or other flammable place catch fire and explode to rock a small town or a huge city... each day we face the fact that something could happen and so many horrible, unspeakable acts have happened over the last several years... and they will continue to happen... those who should NEVER ever own a gun, having them in their hands and putting us at their mercy...

kSo, my point for myself.. is to do the very best I can to live my life, like the next week, the next day, the next hour... the next moments could be my last... to feel prepared for the unknown... for the time, I am called upon... for the moment, I have completed my visit here, and move onto a place perfect, without hatred, without stress, without want or need, without greed, without hunger, where everyone is totally happy, and everyone loves everyone else... so for you.... and me.... think of things you might do to Live this Life as we know it, Like we were dying....

Monday #HAWMC - WEGO Writers' Challenge! H. E. A. L.T. H. - April 27th 2015

Talk about a post to think about. So many "words" for so many illnesses, symptoms, medications and the like. So, I shall give this one a try today  - come up with an "acronym" to describe my activist journey.

"Hoping Extreme Activism Leans Towards Healing"

Hoping

Extreme

Activism

Leans 

Towards

Healing

This was is not as easy as one might think. To really use only what "letters" given or a word for example, such as this without putting any other "in between" words such as "IN' An, The, and so forth takes some thought. So, since I do at times "feel" like I want to take my own "Activism" to the "Extremes" so one day, what I have accomplished does lean towards others "healing".....


Great one WEGO!!!!!!

#HAWMC

Dealing with Aging, Chronic Illness and Another Birthday today!

All of us have to deal with aging. It is just a fact of life. If we are here on this Earth, we naturally are a tad bit older each day.

I am dealing with my 55th birthday tomorrow, Sunday the 15th (almost a Valentine's Baby). I always have a difficult time dealing with how quickly these birthdays seem to come around. It feels like I just celebrated one, and here is another one popping up.

When you have a chronic illness (es) and/or are living with chronic pain, I feel you have more of a feeling of "desperation" as the days go by. It is of course a known fact, if you are chronically ill, with just about any type of disease, that can lessen your life span depending on which illness, and how well it can be managed.

So, with someone such as myself, dealing with Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, already having two heart attacks, etc. the possibility of me living my life out to my 90's or less can be something that you have to admit may not happen. No one wants to think about growing older, and then passing away. We have so much LIFE to live, none of us want to check out of the life hotel, before we have completed all of the things we want to. Maybe it is to see your kids, grandkids, and great grand children grow up. Maybe you have things like myself, a blog, a book to write, people to see, family that you of course don't want to leave, and hobbies, activism, volunteer work, traveling, just the daily parts of life such as they are. with Autoimmune Illnesses, days may not be the greatest. You have some that are full of pain, and you would prefer not to deal with. Yet, you usually would rather deal with the pitfalls of chronic illness, than the opposite, which would be to pass onto another life.

I didn't get to finish this post yesterday, so I will finish it off for now with what I have written on Facebook this morning. I am so fortunate to have so many people around the globe that lift me up in faith, hope, and prayer... and I want all of them to know how much they mean to me.

This has been such a wonderful day so far. Other than waking up early this morning with a freaking horrid headache, that then upset my stomach as usual, I am having an incredible birthday! I went yesterday and got 3 shirts and a purse at Beall's for less than the price of the purse itself! I had a gift card from them for my birthday, plus some other good coupons. Then Mom and I stopped at the Dairy Queen and got burgers and fries. I brought ours home, so that was Jim and I's Valentine Day special. :):) Mom gave me a beautiful card, and what she wrote in it brought tears to my eyes. She has always been here for myself and for Jim, especially after the accident. Then Jim's Mom also sent me a card, and money! :) I had ordered something on Amazon that usually I never would have even tried, but it came in yesterday and they fit perfectly! I got 5 new bra's in the colors I needed for like 25.00! Plus Jim gave me a beautiful new robe this morning!!! I needed it so badly. I was ashamed to even wear my old one, it was definitely worn out.... then I got a call from Amanda Batson- Matheny​ and a bit later from my son Jason Harber​ which made my day to hear their voices and have them call was a wonderful treat... I also went and got us "no-no's" as I call donuts... we have a place just a few blocks away, and I could sit there and make myself sick, eating them. They are so good!!! :):) We were supposed to head to Winstar today. But, the weather is supposed to begin getting lousy today, and it is already really cloudy, and we are expecting a high chance of rain today and tomorrow, plus colder temperatures. So, we decided to wait to go the the Casino when the weather is a bit better. Driving in rain does not bother me if it is not too far away, but being with the idiots going through Dallas in the pouring rain, is not my biggest thrilling adventure! So, the rest of my day will probably be just relaxing with the pups and Jim. Probably going to watch a movie or two, and other than that, try and put all of the "everyday" worries aside today and not think about all there is to do, errands, running here, there and yonder... but just have a day of peace with these 3 I have so much joy with ... the pups can make us laugh no matter how lousy we feel, or how badly the day goes. Bubba Gump will raise up on his hind legs, with his front paws down in front of his face... and those big eyes just saying Mommy, rub my tummy... or the way he loves to watch television and movies. Tazzy, bless her heart, can still do some things to make me laugh... but she is really beginning to get a bit "feeble" in so many ways. She is I believe 11 years old. Jim gave her to me as a Christmas present while we were living in Seattle. That was the Christmas of 2004, because she was a year old when we got to TX. So, time has also flown by with her. It seems just yesterday, I was visiting her, with her brothers and sisters, trying to decide which puppy I wanted. She came running to me, not bigger than my hand... then ran over to Jim and began to give him kisses. From there we knew she was the one!!!! :):) She was not even old enough for me to bring home. I had to wait a week, and she got her last puppy shots, then we picked her up the next Friday night, just before Xmas. Life has just passed by so extremely fast. Day will have passed away 10 years ago on the 27th of March. Mom will be 80 in August. And Jim and I have been together now for 12 years, and will be married in April 10 years. I would not have missed one moment ever so far in my life, and I am so very fortunate to have family, a spouse, two pups, and so many friends to keep me from going insane at times. You each bring something special to my life, and even if we never were to meet in person, which of course many of us might not, you are still as much a part of my life, as if you were right next door... thank you... each and every one of you, for giving me strength, courage, hope, faith, and on the right path in life... I am blessed and overflowing... Rhia