To that Pearly White City.....

Again I want to come in and thank everyone for their love, prayers and support during such a very difficult time in our lives. Dad passed away 11 years ago, which seems almost impossible. In fact, it fell this year that March 27th, was Easter Sunday again, which was when he passed away. By the Lord's grace, He allowed me to take care of Mom, and be there to watch her leave this world, and pass onto where she was met with open arms by everyone who went before her. I had not told it here yet, but on that fateful Thursday morning, I went in to give Mom her "comfort" medications supplied by Hospice, as I did every few hours, and during that morning dose, I "knew" it was time. I had said that I would "know" somehow, someway, it would come to me, and it did. She seemed almost a bit more at peace in some way, yet, I could also tell she was almost "trying" to tell me. So, after giving her the medications, as I always did each morning early, I walked outside, around in the yard, just thinking, praying, and finding my own "way" also to make it through another day, and pray all I did helped her. When I came back in, I sat down beside her on her left side, and took her tiny frail hand in mine.

She never moved, and most of the time, even when giving her medications she would make a bit of noise or move a bit, so, all I knew to do, is what came to my heart. I began to sing a bit of several hymns that she loved to hear Dad sing. Of course "Pearly White City" was one that Dad always sang, and it was always requested that he sing many, many times at church, at other funerals and such, so that last chorus I began to sing of Pearly White City, this sense of calmness seemed to fill the room, and the tears flowed down my cheeks, and as I finished the last few words, Mom literally took maybe 2 breaths, and then just stopped. I sat there holding her hand, talking to her, and knowing, her pain, her confusion, and all she had endured was now gone. We are "selfish" as humans, and of course I did not want Mom to "leave", yet I could feel her within my own heart, and I knew no matter what her body was no longer able to do, she will always be with me, everywhere I go. I told others that it is almost like when I finished that song, it was Dad telling her to "come home". I want to thank everyone once again, and Joy it is so good to hear from you and your family. I truly would love to get to see all of you, it has been so very long.


Uncle Macon and Aunt Cleo were always my favorite Aunt and Uncle, and it was always a blessing to be able for them and sometimes your, your family and Mike to come also. Craig, thank you also. We have known one another since we were very young, and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Ron, I appreciate your prayers and condolences also, and it is funny it seems like just yesterday we were all working at EBF, or would be seeing each other in town, and although I've been back now for almost 11 years, I don't see many people, as much as I would like to. Thank you Jim and Frances, and thank you for the beautiful plant. I LOVE plants, so it will fit in very well with my collection for sure. I have to again give a huge thanks to Keever's, everyone helped me out and as always were so compassionate and caring. I thank Father John for giving the funeral service, and for all of the family and friends that stopped by on Sunday and Monday. All of you truly made this situation "easier" on our family.

We love all of you, and what a blessing it was to have my daughter Amanda and my Son In Law, Jimbo, and my two Grandsons here, plus having my son Jason with me, we even under not such great circumstances were able to have "quality time" together, and that is something we over the years have not nearly had enough of. I want to thank Family First Hospice for all of their support and comfort, for Mom and for me, as well as Physician's Choice Home Health Care, who were there to help me and Mom out for a few weeks before things had to go into "Hospice" care. I again are am so thankful and blessed. As one day, rolls into another, and as my heart is full with love, and as my mind and body try to "heal" long story, but of course I got sick, and was sick, mainly my Lupus acting up, but then I slipped on wet grass Sunday morning, and sprained BOTH ankles, the right one severely, so I am trying to take it easy for the next couple of days and allow my body to try and mend. -


Pearly White City Hymn Lyrics

There’s a holy and beautiful city
Whose builder and ruler is God;
John saw it descending from Heaven,
When Patmos, in exile, he trod;
Its high, massive wall is of jasper,
The city itself is pure gold;
And when my frail tent here is folded,
Mine eyes shall its glory behold.

Refrain

In that bright city, pearly white city,
I have a mansion, a harp, and a crown;
Now I am watching, waiting, and longing,
For the white city that’s soon coming down.

No sin is allowed in that city
And nothing defiling or mean;
No pain and no sickness can enter,
No crepe on the doorknob is seen;
Earth’s sorrows and cares are forgotten,
No tempter is there to annoy;
No parting words ever are spoken,
There’s nothing to hurt or destroy.

Refrain

No heartaches are known in that city,
No tears ever moisten the eyes;
There’s no disappointment in Heaven,
No envy and strife in the sky;
The saints are all sanctified wholly,
They live in sweet harmony there;
My heart is now set on that city,
And some day its blessings I’ll share.

Refrain

My loved ones are gathering yonder,
My friends too are passing away,
And soon I shall join their bright number,
And dwell in eternity’s day;
They’re safe now in glory with Jesus,
Their trials and battles are past.
They overcame sin and the tempter,
They’ve reached that fair city at last.

Refrain

Mom's Favorite Song

Candle In The Wind (Elton John - for Princess Dianna Tribute)

Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
You called out to our country
And you whispered to those in pain
Now you belong to heaven
And the stars spell out your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candles burned out long before
Your legend ever will

Loveliness we've lost
These empty days without your smile
This torch we'll always carry
For our nation's golden child
Even though we try
The truth brings us to tears
All our words cannot express
The joy you've brought us through the years

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candles burned out long before
Your legend ever will

Goodbye England's rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed yourself
Where lives were torn apart

Goodbye England's rose
From the country lost
Without your soul who missed the wings of your compassion
More than you will ever know

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills
Your candles burned out long before
Your legend ever will

Your footsteps will always fall here
Along England's greenest hills

Your candle burned out long before your legend ever will

Decisions - Of ME Wanting to Attend an Arthritis Conference, Neck Surgery two weeks before, and dealing with my Mom's Dementia and absurd behavior... at times... I need suggestions

My internet has been down most of last night, then I turned my computer back on this AM and I sill did not really have but "off and on" internet until about an hour ago... so I have stuff I have to do for Mom, BUT I NEED SOME ADVICE or some suggestions etc. Mom is of course STILL not the best... and even the "Home Health situation" IS NOT really going well, but because of HER - she does NOT want to cooperate with them, and if she will not allow them to do their jobs, then she will not get better, and I told her that yesterday... so she "acts" like she cannot get up, but I made her walk to the bathroom about 20 steps away from the bedroom yesterday AM...

 THEN she really would not eat much, so I had to go back over the PART TWO EVENINGS, and make sure she eats something... anyway, as you see below, I have this wonderful opportunity to get to go to Nashville to this Conference, and I am so totally elated... I applied for the "Travel award" a couple months ago, & never gave it a thought until I got a phone call last evening. So, that is going to be MAY 20-22nd - Friday thru Monday... and I am so wanting to attend... but I have to figure out a way to get someone to at least check in on Mom from at least Friday afternoon, thru sometimes Monday, one time a day will probably be fine... SO does ANYONE KNOW OF ANY BODY who does this type of thing? If you do I would love to have someone let me know who does, the expense etc... and I am sure that my pups will be taken care of by Samantha my dog sitter.... 

BUT I also have the neck surgery scheduled on May 4th which is just over 2 WEEKS after surgery... of course I will still be in a cervical collar for 6 weeks, BUT the only thing I see is to make sure I get up some, move around, and even wear compression stockings due to blood clots that soon after surgery... that sometimes riding a long ways in a car or in an airplane can bring on... and I apologize for "not talking" much this past over a week. I had promised to call someone and I have just been in such an overwhelming, overwrought, and almost "maddening" place emotionally, that I just cannot make myself talk on the phone at the moment. I really needed to straighten some things out in my own head, and think things through... lots of things happening, and needing to be done... so that is where I stand... any suggestions would be deeply appreciated! Rhia

More on Dementia, Your Parents, And the Extremely Tough Decisions to Make, When YOU ARE ALSO CHRONICALLY ILL and in CHRONIC PAIN...

(My firend Denise that I went to high school with is struggling also with a 2nd round of cancer of her ovaries I believe, and it has spread down into her thigh and presses on the nerves in her legs so she is also dealing with lots of drama in life )   -  I appreciate you so much Denise Tekell...(I am speaking of Lisa that I had lunch with yesterday, another friend from high school)  We both spoke about your struggles, and just how brave and strong you are. It is so difficult to watch someone who deserves happiness to have to struggle through despair that they don't deserve. And (this lady is a FB friend, but she is like a dear "physical friend who is right here with me at times)  Lourdes Villegas-Anaya even though we are not close "physically" you remain a dear friend also. You have also helped me through some difficult times, and I hope someday we can meet in person! I am still struggling with getting things settled for Mom, before I have the neck surgery. I have decided to postpone it until the end of April or first part of May. 

 

I thought by now I would have the Home Health Care and more of the things I need for Mom done by now. But it all takes time, and I am still working on some aspects of getting her people in there to help her, and to get this new phone that has an emergency button on it set up, and pray she can understand how to use it. When I had lunch yesterday my friend was explaining some things she went through with her Mother In Law and her having Alzheimer's... and now some of the things Mom does or does not do, begin to make sense. So, I now have more information that helps me to understand her reactions or actions at times. I went over there yesterday afternoon kind of later, around 3:40 or so. After lunch I had stopped at "Wally World" to pick up a couple of things, a couple of which I needed to take to her, and when I got to Mom's house, and opened the door... it was so odd, she was standing there by her chair, in a blouse that I have not seen her in gosh, in months. 

 

She always remains so COLD, and usually she had some "house dress" or gown on, and I've not seen her in actual "clothes" in a while. But, she did not have on any bottoms... And I asked her what she was doing, and in fact I had bought her a pair of Capri pants while I was out, because all of her clothes are much too big for her, so I got them and told her they were an "early" Mother's Day gift... but I don't know if she was "dressing" thinking that "we" were supposed to go somewhere and I just caught her in the middle of getting dressed or what. She never really "told" me why she had that blouse on, and I made light of it, and said "Mom you must have known I was bringing you a pair of Capri's that will fit"... anyway, I did not stay, it was getting later in the afternoon, and I had a few things to do at home, so I told her I would be back today, but I have SO MUCH to do for myself, and I need to wash her car, it is so covered in thick dust that it would be like mud if it got wet, and I have a new curtain rod she needs hung, and a new mini blind I bought, and all of those things take time, even with my cordless screw drivers... 

 

so if I go there it will be a full day plus in order to replace her Social Security Card she lost, I have to drive over to the next town about 15 miles away, to the nearest SS office in order to get the replacement. So, that is another couple of hours depending on how busy they are... but my lawn needs mowing, and I have clothes to wash, and my own house to clean, and need to get busy on painting a bedroom, the spare room... along with trying to get the outside of my own house painted... that is what I mean, and my friend said it herself, even her and her husband with her Mother in Law living with them, it was over a full time job for BOTH of them, and there is no way I can do it ALL myself, even with home health care... if she continues to go down as quickly as she is mentally, I may need much more help than I have now... and the decisions that have to be made are not easy ones at all. That is also what makes it so difficult, it is the tough decisions through all of this... 

 

I NEVER, and I said it a billion times would EVER put my parents in any type of "home" but if Mom continues to go down as quickly as she is, even building onto my home and having her here may not even be enough... that may not be the answer as much as I want it to be... so all of the decisions to make and the "footwork" I need to do, those are difficult issues to deal with.... so keep me in your thoughts and prayers... I need a "break" but I just don't know how to get one, and I need the surgery, but it just seems like now is not the time.... 

 

I recall when my Mom had to come to make the decision to my put Granny (her mother) in the nursing home. Even though Mother had a sister and brother (who have both now passed away) their health, and the size of their homes were not conducive with bringing my Granny to any of their homes after she fell, broke a hip, and the doctors said she could no longer live alone. But, my Granny was 92 years old and had lived alone from the time my Grandfather passed away of Alzheimer's and Lung cancer at the age of 77, so she took care of herself for many, many years, and if she had not taken that fall and broken her hip she may have been able to stay by herself a bit longer.  She had osteoporosis, like myself, the severe range which frightens me, so they feel her hip "broke" and then she fell... that the osteoporosis caused the fracture which led to my Granny falling. 

 

So, these truly tough decisions in our lives about parents or loved ones, are often times something we never "see coming" until they are upon us. I know that my Mom had been showing "signs" of Dementia/Alzheimer's for a long while, but it was not until the past 4 to 5 months that things went South extremely fast. That is why through my own research, and what I have been told, I feel this is not a "regular" type of Dementia, but one that comes on much more quickly, and takes its toll very soon. It is not like some types of Dementia and Alzheimer's that seem to come on slowly, and sometimes the patients may live for years and be able to function in a good deal of capacity before it really gets bad, but this is so very, very different than even my Grandfather, who had full blown Alzheimer's... this has taken my Mom from being able to do many things herself, just 5 to 6 months ago, to not even being able to turn on her oven, her washer, her dryer, know the month, date, time, and not understand MAnY things, and I feel she does not even recognize some items. Like she was telling me on the phone that the "phone" light was blinking, and I tried to tell her Mom because you are talking on it, the "base" light will blink in use... but when I got to her house, it was the alarm clock blinking because of a storm we had the night before had caused the power to go off for a few minutes, so it was not the "phone" at all. And she cannot recall the names of things, or of people, and now she tells me "YOU know it was "different' when I lived "over there"? And Mom has lived in the same home since I was about 3 years old! There is no other "over there".... So, unless she is talking about when she was still living  home with her parents, I had no clue where "over there" meant....

It is very difficult to watch a parent, or any loved one lose their capacity to manage things on their own, and especially difficult when it happens so fast... 

All I can do, is try to do my best to help her and support her, but I also have to take care of myself.

I should have that neck surgery next week, that I am having to put off again. I am not getting things in order quickly enough for her before I go and have cervical neck surgery that will incapacitate me for several weeks. And now, a few months ago, she would have "been able to understand and even maybe help me", but now, I don't think she even realizes what it means for me to go through this complicated surgery, or that I won't be able to life things, drive for a little while, that I will have a neck brace on for six weeks, and that many of my daily activities that I do at my own house will not be able to be done by me.... 

So, if you are in a situation such as this, and I know many of you are, please try and not feel guilty, or selfish, or like you are disappointing a parent or loved one if you must make hard decisions that you never felt you would have to, such as putting them in some type of assisted living center, or nursing home... it could be the best for you and them also... they need 24/7/365 care, and lots of it...