A Thank You To ALL who send me Happy Birthday Wishes!!!!

I appreciate each and every friend who send me uplifting Birthday Wishes. It is so nice to know that others do take a moment to wish you the best on your special day.

So, for each of you that will and have sent me a Happy Birthday (I was almost a Valentine's Baby) a warm "Thank You"!!!

Happy Valentine's Day to All!!

TO ALL OF MY DEAR FRIENDS, READERS, THOSE WHO LIFT ME UP WHEN LIFE TENDS TO TRY AND KNOCK ME DOWN, TO THOSE WHO LOVE MY POETRY, LOVE ME FOR JUST BEING ME, NO MATTER HOW SCREWED UP I AM AT TIMES, THAT TRUST ME, INSPIRE ME, PUSH ME TO BE MORE OF ME, THOSE WHO THINK I AM TALENTED, SMART, FUNNY, AND THOSE WHO THINK I AM JUST AN INCREDIBLE ASS AT TIMES...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU!

Trying to Move Past the "bad" of 2016 & look ahead to a Hopeful 2017... (Resolutions?, Revelations, Lessons from life's past, reaching within the depths of my soul to make sense, out of a "senseless" world and all that we must endure)

"Trying to Move Past the "bad" of 2016 & look ahead to a Hopeful 2017... (Resolutions?, Revelations, Lessons from life's past, reaching within the depths of my soul to make sense, out of a "senseless" world and all that we must endure) "

Alas the "title of this post" is a great deal longer than usual. I felt in order to bring the message to all of you I needed to try and title this so everyone will know how crucial this post is, and just how I've had to pull every ounce of whatever bit of faith I have to bring you the truest feelings of this past couple of years.

Life deems to bring us many things that we cannot possibly "see" the good out of it, whether it is loss of a loved one, a fur baby, chronic illnesses and pain, watching others suffer, when so often whatever is happening seems useless and a waste of what little time we have here on this Earth. I never said or pretended to understand why so many horrible events happen to those that are good, gracious, loving, nurturing, and are decent people. Yet, others that are horrible, frightening, terrible to their own kind, are not decent, not caring, and often tear others down, rather than build them up.

Most people find themselves trying to put a list of "New Years Resolutions" together at the beginning of each year. Other similar words, "revelations, settle, make a pledge to do something a different way, such a quit smoking, work out more, eat healthier, we pledge to ourselves to do some things in a manner more positive, than hold onto our old ways, that may not have been the best way to do things...

thus rather than resolutions, I try and use a different term, such as "throwing out the old, torn and tattered ways, and beginning a new way with new "material" and a hopeful heart. I also know many of us "keep" some of those "resolutions", and some find themselves settling back into their old ways, which brings a guilt to our heart, thus too many "difficult" changes within a short amount of time, leaves us to NOT be able to keep them all. We get upset, feel so useless, see others making their goals, while maybe we cannot keep our own.

Below are a  few synonyms that could be used to mean "Resolutions":

intention, resolve, decision, intent, aim, plan; commitment, pledge, promise

   They have became a "tradition" like black eyed peas at midnight for good luck in the coming year, we have many traditions, we keep or try to keep during holidays and so forth, like mistletoe, the Christmas tree, sending cards for holidays, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and so forth.

I guess I would say that I shall "pledge" or commit to a few things that I feel I need to change and have a fresh start for the new year.

As always all too often we have "unexpected" roadblocks, happenings, events, whether it be family, illnesses, accidents, jobs, and so on, that change that path of good intentions we set up for ourselves at the 1st of the year.

For me my good intentions tend to get put aside for family, or for the chronic illness and pain I suffer with, that in a moment I can go from feeling great to being in the hospital... having surgery etc. None of us can truly "predict" the exact things that will happen from one moment to the next.


So, as I, along with many of you try to "have the promises" to ourselves duly noted and ready to start anew, remember WE ARE HUMAN! We will have issues come up that causes us not to be able to keep some of the very things we so want to do, change, stop, start and so forth...

As I write this tonight December 31,2016 from my hospital bed, hoping to be out of here and home very soon, again, never did I think 3 weeks ago I would fall, fracture my hip in 2 places, have other complications arise, and spend both Christmas and New Years in a hospital.

Try to keep yours a list of things that are not too complicated, or just write down a few, lie 4 or 5, rather than 10, 20 or more, and be proud of the progress you make even if you don't complete them all. If you get "some" of them done, or just a piece of several that you are working towards a goal on, give yourself a "well done" and push forward, knowing even a baby step, is a definite positive for the New year and YOU!

A piece of me feels as if I am blocking out all that we went through with Mom, then losing her in June so suddenly. Then the ordeal of paperwork, and all that happens even after the funeral is over.

Then I've went from one issue such as both ankles severely twisted, to sinusitis, to pneumonia, to Lupus flares, then to take such a horrible fall. and break my right hip in two places... to wind up being in the Rehab on Christmas, and maybe for awhile after the 1st of the year.

I just know that things have to get better. I am so terribly tired of being ill in one way or the other. I tried so hard to NOT allow this to happen to me. I knew my chances of a fall could lead to a break of a bone or joint. That is one of the very last things I wanted r needed. But, when I hit that hardwood floor two weeks ago the coming Tuesday, I knew it was not good.

I wanted to believe that it was bruised badly, yet when I could not drag it on the floor without screaming out in pain, I knew then it was bad.

I've been in a turmoil over the state our nation is in. Now with the "person" that is to be our new President, totally terrifies the hell out of me. I cannot fathom him having enough tact with out own Congress, much less any other nation.

I am having to almost "hide" my feelings this season. Here I see many families, together, excited about kids, Christmas, and this very special time of the year, yet I feel left in a "dark fog" wondering once again why I feel "punished", why did I have to take a fall as I did, and break a hip. And what are the chances that I wind up having another surgery if this hip does not work without an entire replacement since the osteoporosis could cause issues.

Frankly, this is one of the very 1st times I've been this worried about my own health issues. I watched my Grandmother and my Mom be able especially my Grandmother take care of themselves for YEARS alone. Now, I fear everything, from just getting out of the bed to going home. I've always been so bound and determined to do my stuff myself. Now, between the Lupus, the RA, the Osteoporosis, and now a broken hip, that I will lose some of my independence, which that thought bothers me badly.

Then to have one of my fur kids pass away suddenly night before last in my arms, here in the Rehab, just seemed to put the entire last almost 3 years into a world of such hurt, for myself, and also my kids; I keep trying to "hold onto" what little faith I have to sustain me, and try to over the sinking into sand, peeking upward, and asking for another half ounce of courage, strength and ability to try to "understand" the reasons I may NOT understand, not now, but someday I shall know the why's of this life, and the grief it brings to us within a matter of moments.

Perspective....during the rough times of life....

As I sit here in Rehab after a bit over a week since I fell, broke my right hip in 2 places, had surgery, and all within the holidays, I am so full of mixed emotions that I m not sure how or what I feel. I look around at everyone patient here. and ALL of them I have seen so far are at least 12 plus years older than me. I must say the entire staff are great. from the nurses to be rehab gals and guys. We had a really good morning in Rehab this morning, even had one of the guys playing the guitar and singing Christmas songs, and many were joining in.

 I wish all of you a Blessed and Safe Holiday - the weather appears like it may not be the greatest so all be careful if you are driving ... be sure to watch out for those in too big of a hurry or already have had too much "holiday cheer"... My Greatest Hope for the days ahead are for everyone to be at Peace, Harmony, and learn how tolerance can balance out life, and give all a better perspective of people, all people surrounding you daily that we are all the same... all pure humans, in an "Earthly World" that sadly has gone astray from their viewing others with new eyes and a renewed heart.

Day 9 - "Happy Hump Day" WEGO Health Blog Challenge - "What would be my "perfect" Day"?

First answer, going to the Casino... to stay overnight and get away from ALL of the illness, medications, cleaning, stress, loss of my Mom, and the grief from dealing with all that comes along with having to take care of everything after losing a parent or loved one. Being the "caretaker" before, while and after they are ill, and then pass away.

OF course that is a "1st" answer and it is extremely true, when it comes to wishing for the "perfect day" for myself right now. When "you" are chronically ill, chronically in pain, and most days you never know if you shall wake up feeling "good", "bad", horrible, or even on those rare occasions "WONDERFUL"; you hope for more of those wonderful days.

That does not mean ones that give me the time to go to the Casino for an overnight stay necessarily, but those or at least one or two, that give me the ability to get up, with pain and illness that is as less as possible. A day that the sun is shining, the weather is not to warm or not too cool, that day I can clean my home, go run errands, go to the market, maybe make a great meal, even in the slow cooker, play with my pups, have time to go outside, trim a few limbs from my trees, tend to my yard a bit, and even at the end of that day, not feel as if a "tractor trailer" had ran over me.

Yet, for many of us, we realize that "good" day, that leads us to be able to do those small or large things we want to do, shall probably lead to the next few days of being in pain, not feeling well, and having to "recover" from that one or two days we felt well enough to go out and feel "normal" for a bit of time.

For me, that is a perfect day. Those that come, where I get up, not as in much pain, not so fatigued, and I do feel like taking a shower, dressing up, putting on my makeup, fixing my hair, and going out to do errands, shop, wash my car, and not look "sick". It seems those days are rare. Oh, the shower, and running errands I do, but to really "feel" like dressing up, putting on makeup, getting my hair looking really nice, and then putting that "smile" on, and not looking worn out are the ones that are so far and few between.

At times, I feel that is why maybe I find myself slipping back or shying away from taking that overnight trip away. I may feel wonderful while I am out and about, wherever, Casino, shopping, yard work or whatever, because I realize that more times than not, I will "pay" for that 1 or 2 great days.

A day, two, three, a week, weeks, months.... most of us would give a great deal that we had, if not everything we had just to have a "normal' day, week, month, or year. Without being ill, without needing surgery, without needing many medications, without pain, and time we can spend with family, friends, on a job, in our home, just to "feel well" for a brief and wishfully a "lifetime" of not being chronically ill, or in chronic pain. 

Alas, since yesterday was an "election day" of a "first" ever for this nation or the world for that matter, "FREEDOM" is what I and ALL that are ill wished for a day, that is perfect 'FREEDOM FROM THE GRIEF OF CHRONICALLY BEING ILL AND IN PAIN".

#HAWMC

Day 4 - #HAWMC WEGO Health Writer's Blog Challenge - for the Month of November 2016

Day 4 - #HAWMC - A Letter to "Myself" at the time I was diagnosed knowing now what I did not know then....

 

 

Dear Rhia (self),


You had already "figured out" that something must be wrong with your immune system. You had been through enough doctors, tests, had so many symptoms resembling Lupus, RA, and several others like Sjogren's and Raynaud's that you really did not know much about.

When the 1st round of labs came back, from my own PCP (who diagnosed me at first), he knew that you needed to see a specialist. Although you come to find out your PCP has been more beneficial with the Lupus and Lupus Flares, that the Rheumatologist, who concentrates more on the RA than the other Autoimmune diseases.

You now can recall the first Rheumatologist, even though he was quite elderly, had just came back to work after a stroke himself, but his diagnosis, just after a thorough examination gave proof enough to show not only did I show signs of Lupus, RA, Raynaud's, Sjogren's, but had findings of probable MCTD, and that was almost more frightening than the Lupus and the others.

My moments that now I wished I had realized that ALL RHEUMY"S are NOT THE SAME, is something I wished I knew when I was first diagnosed. That caused me going through at least 7 specialists, each of which had a different "edge" and look on my diseases, or lack thereof. Most of them were only "blood work" driven. Not anything to do with all of the symptoms I had for years and years.

I could have saved myself a great deal of stress, worry, and getting nowhere, had I known to search for the "proper" Rheumatologist from the beginning. I've also come to find out my doctors here at my local Urgent Care know more about my conditions, than my Rheumy's for the most part. Plus if I am in a severe flare, there is no way I could get into my Rheumy in Dallas quickly. With those at Urgent Care I can be in and out, have the medications I need, and be hopefully on the road to curving the flare, without having to drive 40 miles each way, and maybe not getting what I need.


When I found out that I had 2 or 3 other 1st cousins, all on my Mom's side with RA, then we each began to piece together that this could very well be "genetic".

I wished I had known more about Sjogren's, for one. Maybe had one doctor done more about the Sjogrnen's I would not have lost ALL OF MY TEETH WITHIN A COUPLE OF MONTHS, requiring severe pain, and many dentists visits, to have all of them pulled that were left, and then try to deal with dentures, and the expense of over 15,000.00! Now I am still left with "pretty straight" teeth, BUT "fake" in nature.

So, I also wished I had more knowledge of how I could have been a volunteer and advocate before I myself had been diagnosed. I think had I been involved in some ways with the organizations who help us I may have felt "better" about myself, and not so ashamed of what these illnesses can do to us, our minds, bodies and souls... plus relationships, friendships, and the way people "see" us after we are ill.


#HAWMC

WEGO HEALTH

https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/hawmc?source=feed_text&story_id=10154656411124254 

 FACEBOOK URL FOR POSTS FOR THE BLOGGER'S CHALLENGE

 

 

A Lesson In Life About Taking "time" to laugh, to catch up, and to be out of the "hellish" times so many of us have....

As I was typing out about having a lunch and it has been a long time, or being with an old friend from High School or College, maybe a job from your past, all of the hopes, dreams, plans, the "faith and hope that can move mountains" go with you, and in a small town such as Ennis, it never dawns on you that it maybe YEARS before you see those people again. Whether it is family, a friend, or whomever that was a "pat" of your life back then, all too often becomes "lost" in "life". We have "corners and curves we don't often expect. Things that were supposed to happen, didn't or they did yet something changes your path, and what you felt and thought would happen, is far from that memory in your mind. I know when I was in especially High School, I had a "few" really good friends. Due to the fact, that I felt "overweight" and I was a bit back then, and at that time Mom 9bless her heart not her fault because she was not taught either)... didn't know how to "fix" my hair, or how to put makeup on, and dress more in "fashion" ... I realize my parents did the very best they could, and I thought about that in the shower this morning. I was "fortunate"... 

 

I had a home, both parents, Mom never had to work, so I was never "alone" after school. Dad worked at the same place all his life from the time he was 16 when EBF was Ennis Tag back then... I always had 3 meals a day, I was always able to take a bath, have clean hair, and clothes on my back. Those were things that all too often we don't realize until we are older there were families that were not and are not that lucky. Kids that may have one or two meals, and those are at school, or go home to an empty house because both parents work, and they may not have food on the table every night, or clean clothes that fit them, or new shoes... and more so today, we have kids that go to bed hungry in this nation, in this state, in this county, and in this town... Anyway, what I am trying to get at, is that I did not realize just how "lonely" and "alone" I have felt now for months, and months, probably at least a year..

 

I have had to do my very best with what I know to help my Mom in any way I can... most of my time is spent either helping her, whatever that might be, especially now, she cannot even start her washer, or turn on her oven... and if I am not there, I am at home, with two awesome puppies, but they are "WORK" also... I love them and they keep me "sane" when my world feels insane....yet they have to have care also.... and then my home has to be cared for, whether it is daily things, dishes, sweeping, mopping etc.. taking my own medications correctly, and then the other things mowing the lawn, getting the house painted, getting the back "forty" mowed, and all of the "deeper" things we have when we own a home need to be done... so until I went to lunch today with a dear friend, I didn't realize just how "I have not laughed", I have not "smiled", I've not been with anyone my age, who understands my situation, and just getting to go out of the house away from it all, and have lunch was such a special treat. IT is almost like a Kid in a "candy store" for me... that is something I have not gotten to do very much over the past year... I had wanted to go dancing, yet I always "feel guilty", or I feel I should stay home with the puppies or not spend the money, even though I don't drink a drop, and that "old feeling" of "what if like high school" no one asked me to the high school prom or out on a date... none of the guys from school ever asked me out.... in fact my cousin from Mesquite came down and went with my to my Senior High School Prom, so I would get to go.... 

 

I still recall the dress I wore... LOL... but we get "lost" in "transition" of marriages, illnesses, families, jobs, moves, all of the "stuff" in life that as Seniors leaving High School never in a million years would have thought would happen in our lives... Our nation is NOT the "nation" of the USA that we knew back then, not many "towns" are "safe" like Ennis was back then... things move faster, and if you don't keep up, you are left behind in the stone ages, almost like my own Mother, who even before this horrible Dementia/Alzheimer's or whatever it is hit her, she knew nothing about cell phones, or cordless anything, or even how to put gas in her car... 

 

...all of the technology we take for granted these days, she has no clue of how to use a computer, or what the "internet" really is all about. She hears me of course, and knows what I tell her, but she has never had that experience... so we are "wound up" in a ball of "life"... and we often "lose out" on a "lunch date" with a high school friend, or a great conversation with someone you had not seen in years, or all kinds of "small things" that when the do happen, you "CHERISH" them forever. Age gives us a space, where we no longer "take so much for granted each day, or even each hour. We learn what was important 10 years ago, means nothing today... we take those "small times" and keep them locked in our heart, knowing life again can get us lost in "transition" once again... it is sad... but it is true... so TODAY, to be able to experience a smile, old memories, and make new ones, catch up on the years between, and laugh about some of the old happenings.... Today remains that way for me, as well as Carrie Wilson Taking time to take me for my surgery to have my new pain pump put in, .... I will cherish those times, that Denise Tekell and I get to talk for a moment in WalGreens, or run into an old friend you have not seen and be able to find out how things are.... those are the true things I know now I cherish... Laughter, people who truly care, someone that helps not because they have to, but because the want to, and I hope I can "take more time" for "me" to write, to do my advocacy work, to play with the dogs, to have a laugh with a friend, and not be "stuck" and "stagnated" in the "moments of hell on Earth" that most of us know all too well.... Rhia

Happy Valentine's Day! to All! I wish everyone a Day of Reflection, of Love of Yourself, and of someone else, if there is another love in your life...

As the "day of Valentine's comes Around, no matter Well, Sick, or Somewhere in the Middle, we either have a Love of Our Life, Or Maybe wishing for that love or find ourselves in a place of not being sure. 

Whether anyone is "separate" from you and you find love there, "ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST"!

We all too often especially those of us with Chronic Illnesses and Pain think we are "not lovable", but that is just not true. Love can come in so many, many different ways... yet to find you love yourself, shall bring love to your life, whether friends, family, or that special someone, you are truly Special.

I wish each of you a very special Valentine's Day! 

And thank each of you for coming to my blog and "supporting" me by reading my blog, and hopefully learning something at times also....

Rhia

"Thankfulness" during a World in Chaos, those who do not Value Human Life, and things Life throws our way, chornic illness/pain, yet finding what truly matters most....

As the holiday to be "thankful" grows near, may you find many reasons to be thankful for, from family, friends, to all the beauty life bestows upon us. I realize for many of us, this holiday comes with a very mixed time of emotions. When our world around is so full of hate, terror, harsh, and those that will harm innocent people, trying to look past those actions are very difficult. With the events so fresh in our hearts and minds of those who want to take our freedom away, to scare us so badly, we fear going out and enjoying life... May all of us find that special place within the depths of our souls, to "go forward" and be in reverence of what we do have.... 



 


As the miles physically are far between us, within our hearts the warmth and joy of family and friends keep us close to one another. As I said on my other page, this is a holiday of thankfulness although with the events that have taken place lately, along with those out there who would rather do us harm than even live themselves, it is difficult to find those reasons why we are truly thankful. I also know that myself and my family included, have experienced some life changing events for 2015. Many of which, we not only unexpected, but turned our lives somewhat into chaos. I certainly know it has for myself and my own family. Thus with those things again, trying to truly find things we are grateful for, can be difficult. We are human, and we at times reach a crossroads that is not what we planned. So, as we come together, whether physically, or mentally and emotionally, may we find those things that bless us, give us reasons to be so thankful for today, tomorrow, and the future ahead of us. May you and your find the peace, love, hope, and faith that shall sustain us... May you be safe, and healthy, and enjoy your family and friends... With Love, and Happy Thanksgiving, Rhia