Sharing Life, Holidays, Up's, Down's, Reality, and Dealing/Coping with Holidays when You are Chronically Ill/Pain & have a broken heart, along with problems that follow....

First I share some "Good News" and Happenings lately in my life. After Losing my Pug, Tazzy here about 3 months ago, and she was a Christmas Present 14 years ago, from my "husband", (we are now separated) & Bub's and I, (my Chiweenie, who is 5) were really down and out about the holidays. My "body" really would not allow me to climb into the attic for the big tree and decorations, so I bought a small tree, and put 14 years of Sleigh Bell's, one for every year my husband and I had been together.

Then I and Bub's have been fortunate enough to have a brand new "fur-baby" addition to the family just this week! He is only about 3 months old, and his name is "Peanut". I've officially adopted him, so he is getting used to myself and Bub's, and we are learning to adapt to a new baby in the house! But, I think he is really the best "Christmas" present we could ever have, and I am so grateful he came along at just the right time.

I adopted him from a local non-profit here in my area called "Tales of Hope". It is all volunteers, who take the pups into their "foster care" until they find homes and owners for them. I am happy my Vet suggested I adopt from them, and so far it has been a very peaceful and simple thing to go through. He came and had a "house visit" for 4 or 5 days, to see if he and us were all a good fit, and then just a matter of a bit of paperwork, they take care of his puppy boosters, micro-chipping, and then neutering, in a few months when he is old enough... so we are happy he has joined us.


Here are some photo's I've taken, of them, of myself lately, and me trying to put "me" back together again, after my husband no longer here, and then of course we lost the lawsuit over the 18 wheel tractor trailer that RAN OVER HIM WHILE THE DRIVER WAS ON HIS CELL PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER!

Needless to say, I know I have told some of that story, but was kind of under a "gag" order until after the trial, which was the 1st week in November. You can imagine where that left myself, but much more than that my husband, who suffered MANY terrible injuries, of which left him partially paraplegic, without some of his "memory for things such as current", and harmed his concentration levels a great deal. All of that with the pain and suffering, from having his back basically broken in "two", with 9 fusions down the thoracic spine, and wired together... he has more "broken" ribs, that not, and a concussion, that they did not realize how badly it effected him until months and months after the accident. He is a web developer, designer, and has been for 20 years, and that takes a huge amount of concentration, and the ability to "hold onto" information as far as not only long term, but short term... which all suffered from the accident. So, without any settlement funds, he is basically not able to get health insurance, cannot apply for federal disability because he had worked for himself so many years, and made well below the amount to pay in social security. The job he had before then, he did pay in, but as we know, that has to be within so many "months" before you apply and he of course did not have those "units" before, since it has been years since he paid in from a regular job.


The pain and suffering harmed my own health of course, and he had been somewhat my "caretaker" when I had surgeries, or flares with the Lupus/RA, or was too ill. He did some of the cooking, running errands, going to the market, etc... and after the accident, he could not even walk down two steps at our front porch, much less walk in a store, drive, or do anything that required, bending, lifting, carrying and so forth. So, as any spouse would have done, I "negated" my own issues, as far as health, trying to help him heal, both physically and mentally... all the while I started getting ill with more flares, and just have one crisis after the other with my own health, and mentally of course I felt almost as if I had "lost" myself and him... I feel I was "grieving" over losing my own "health" and then to watch him change, I grieved over losing him and us.


I know in MY HEART AND SOUL.... THOSE PEOPLE on THE OTHER END OF THE LAWSUIT FLAT LIED IN DEPOSITIONS, AND ON THE STAND, I BELIEVE THEY "PAID OFF" THESE TWO SO CALLED WITNESSES, THAT I KNOW COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SITE OF THAT BUSY HIGHWAY COMING INTO DOWNTOWN DALLAS, I-45 THAT DAY! But, I KNOW SOMEONE USED THEIR MONEY AND POWER, AND PEOPLE TO LIE, thus we lost the suit...

BUT, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... IT ALWAYS DOES... AND SOMEDAY, they WILL PAY FOR THEIR OWN WAYS, in some form or fashion... we "never" have to take "revenge" for I've seen it happen too many times... THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE, are taken care of by their own misdeeds. We must just let it go... and "Let God".... I guess would be the proper saying.... How how, some day the "truth" will come out.... it may not "help" us by then, but when it does, it will effect their lives, and then someday they may understand just how horrible our lives have been, and what they have taken away from a marriage, a family, two people, and all we feel we "lost" within those seconds of that accident....


All right, so now I have that part out.... I am taking one step at a time, one breath, one "breath's space", and one moment, day, week... as they come... There is not much else I can do but either "give up"... or move forward... as the song, "too much time to make up, everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, too much water moving underneath the bridge, let the water come and carry us away"  Crosby, Stills, and Young ...


And I have experienced so many wonderful thing in my life, things I felt I would never be able to do... travel by myself to states and states... move to a wonderful city and stay for 5 years, Seattle, snow ski at Wolf Creek Pass CO, see the beauty of Santa Fe, see a baseball game in Phoenix, make a drive all the way to Nebraska to meet a friend, to have many friends that are "miles away" but close at heart... publish not just one but 2 BOOKS, and working on this 3rd one.... dance, sing, play the drums, write music, play the piano and keyboard, go to college and get my Associate Degree, although NOT in the subject I wanted... run a "retail women's store".......see the ocean in FL, in TX (The gulf), the the Sound in Seattle, take a ferry to Bainbridge Island, see the beaches in CA, Go to Vegas, have many vacations I remember as a child with my parents, experience things I thought I may never.... BUT, STILL, I have so many more I want to do, to see, to experience, and of course go to WASHINGTON dc and "stand upon the White House Steps, and tell Congress how I feel about those in need with Lupus, RA,JRA, Osteoarthritis, and many more chronic health conditions....


My "hopes" are that my life gets back on a "new track", in a very good way beginning January 2016. My hope is that I can get back to my writing, and finish my 3rd book, and have it published. I also hope that I can find the "finances" somehow to get my home "finished"... there are so many "small" things that need to be completed, and without lots of cash, that makes it difficult to do. I really don't need a great deal of materials, and what I need is not all that expensive, but it is the "labor", and finding someone to come and do what "I can't do"... I can paint, sand, (have a new idea about my kitchen,bathroom, and laundry room floors that will cost a lot less)... I need some wall boarding put up in the spare bedroom, and in my laundry room. But, the most expensive thing I truly need is a new roof on my house. This one really is in bad shape, and I am very concerned about the Spring and Summer, and stormy weather... plus my entire outside of the house needs painting, which some of that I can do... it is the higher parts, where I have to be up on a ladder higher than I should be that I will need help with. I am going to try and put new "hog wire" fencing up around my back yard, and most of the posts are there, but I need some help getting a couple of dead trees out of the way, and then probably getting the fencing tight enough, plus this back 1/2 acre or so of land that is mine, truly needs to be completely cleaned up. I have a huge pecan tree that died and most of it is down, but it needs to go... plus some other smaller trees be cut down, and trimmed... then I have a piece of an old bus, that was here, when I bought the house, and it needs to be hauled away. It is old, an eye sore, and someone could probably take it with a trailer, and sell it for the scrap metal... so some things are more just time, others I need a bit of cash, and others are in need of assistance, and then of course the roof, that means about 5,000.00 or so....

So, my hopes are that I can stay well enough, to get at least "some" of these projects accomplished as far as the house, I can finish my book and get it published, can get a surgery out of the way I am in need of, and maybe two.... plus just find "myself" a new light, a new path, and follow my heart... go back to dancing, singing, listening to music, and doing what my "body" allows me to do....

My wishes are that YOU, shall also find your path, your light, and your "love" of what ever that may be, whether of the human heart, of a new job, a new place to live, or just doing some of the things in life we tend to put off.... and we never know if "tomorrow" nor the next breath will be here....

I am putting up some pics, and links of some of my "wishes", and my ow hopes for my life the comes with each step I make forward..... Honestly, I've spent way too many years putting everyone else "1st" in life.... and all of what I want, need, or wish always goes on the very back burner... and there shall be some that are not "happy" with this decision... but I am chronically ill, I have many health issues, and I stay in severe pain most days, and I feel like if I do not put my foot down, and begin taking care of ME... I will regret things later as I get older.....


I hope you find the courage to put "you" first... and put the things in life that are important to you, on the "front burner"....

#RABLOG Post WEGO Day 5 - Your Favorite Exercise and How to try to stay in Shape

For a huge many of us, even those without Chronic Illnesses, joint problems, RA, Diabetes, and the list goes on, we DO HAVE problems finding the proper exercise that fits into our "health problems", that gives us enough exercise to get the heart rate up, curb the fat intake, and keep muscles in tone, and help to keep our bones in much better condition also.

I have to admit, all the time I was in Jr. High and High School, I was never one for working out, being in Volleyball, playing Basketball, or playing in Little League. Throughout the most of my younger years up until about the age of 21, I had a weight problem. I was not just hugely obese, but I did have more weight on me, than someone with my build and height.

I also had actually while playing baseball with my friends and cousins at the age of about 14 years old, was used for "2nd base" rather than the base itself. I had a very severe tear of cartilage in my right knee. It got bad enough, that I could not participate in any type of PE classes, and that next Thanksgiving Holiday weekend, when I was about I guess 14 or 15, I was in Baylor Hospital, the children's wing for Orthopedics.

I spent 7 days in the hospital after having a very huge surgery at that time (it meant cutting along the inside of my knee and the scar was about 8 inches or so long. In fact my Dad came and ate Thanksgiving Dinner with me, since everyone was at my Grandparents having a feast, and he dd not want me to be alone. The funny thing was, they brought 2 huge plates with all of the Thanksgiving fixings on them. But, they accidentally left the slices of turkey off of mine... it was so funny! But, that right leg, was in a full cast that as from my toes all the way up to my hip as far as they could get it. I was in that hot thing (thank goodness it was Fall/Winter, for over 3 months! My Orthopedic Surgeon, who did work on the Dallas Cowboys at one time, did an excellent job. They had done a special type of scan the night before, and he feared I may have some type of a tumor in my knee. He was not sure exactly what it was, thus the morning they rolled me into the huge OR, I had been told, I may come out and not have all of my leg left. If it was "cancer" then they would have to remove as much as they could in order for the cancer to not spread.

I came out fine and the "lump" formed due to the damage in my knee. In fact, before the surgery it had gotten so large that my muscles on the side of my knee would "jump" over that lump. So, I spend 3 months at home, no elevator in our old 3 story, plus a basement high school. So, Mom and Dad picked up my books, and lessons, and then turned them in for me each week.

But, that one incident put me on the road of having to be cautious the rest of my life about what type of sports I played in, or anything that I may put a large amount of stress on that knee.

I went ahead to snow ski for several years in my late 200's and early 30's. I became an AVID walker, and walked at least 5 miles a day, 6 days a week, and sometimes 7 days a week. Then as the years past, the lawn work, gardening, even snow skiing had to come to a halt once I was diagnosed with SO MANY joints in bad shape. I had a left elbow and shoulder surgery in my early 30's. I also had the left knee with torn cartilage and had to have surgery on it. Then I had rotater cuff tears, in both shoulders, a couple of times, thus I had arthroscopic surgery on those at least 2 or 3 times each. Then I needed both wrist fixed, both with carpal tunnel, and chose to have the left one done, then so many other things developed, that right wrist was the least of my worries health wise.

This was about the time my PCP after seeing me for months, following all of my joint problems, labs that came back "odd".... he did a total screening for ALL types of autoimmune illnesses. His guess was right on the money. I had RA, Lupus, later came Sjogren's, also Raynauds. I also have Degenerative Joint and Disc Disease which also contributed to more surgeries, than I could even count.

In 2007, if my memory serves me, I had 8 SURGERIES, that one year! Finally ending with both total knee replacements, then after several scopes, I had a complete "reverse" shoulder replacement of my right shoulder. I've had gallbladder issues, and had that removed, and in which complications sent me quickly to Dallas at the Methodist hospital, where I spent 6 WEEKS, and they never really "got" exactly what was wrong, and at the end of my stay, I had a 2nd heart attack, before leaving the hospital.

I've had to have a 4 level cervical spine surgery, replacements and fusions, my hips have been injected with corticosteroids numerous times. I recently had DOUBLE hernia's that required surgery, and in the middle of all of that, I lost ALL of my teeth to Sjogren's. It took over a year to get the bad ones out all the way and then get my dentures in, then wait to have the bottom ones "mini pinned" in.

So, after all of that I am sure you are wondering what the heck does that have to do with my "exercise" program now?

Now, I walk daily. Whether it is outside, around my long driveway, or around the house looking things over and making sure all is okay. I also try my best to do ALL that I can on my own at home. Whether it's vacuuming, doing laundry, cleaning the floors, cooking, cleaning, errands, some light gardening in the cool mornings or late evenings. I have a pedometer that I try to keep up with my "up" times. And I've found, as far as keeping in good shape, physically, mentally and emotionally, just being outdoors, looking at the trees, birds, waving at the neighbors, and so forth those are my ways of staying in shape.



I even cut smaller tree limbs when I can, or put leaves in a pile and use the trash can lid to help scoop them up. As I said, I have learned to "improvise" in many ways, yet the challenge of opening a jar lid, or getting on a chair or stool to put things in the upper pantry, or whatever the task is, if I feel like i can at least do some of those things, the less I feel depressed, I feel even though fatigued, especially if I overdo it, yet it is often a "good type" of tiredness. 

So, whether I am outside trying to clean flower beds, and walk all over my small bit of land in the back, or make 20 or 30 minutes around the driveway, to keep I am less stressed, more energized, and I feel at the end of the day, I have "accomplished" something worth while that day.

                  #RABLOG