When a very "Special" Opportunity Arrives be sure to take the steps to help someone....

Happy New Year and the beginning of a very COLD 2018 to MOST of the nation!

I had an amazing opportunity this week. One that I never expected to happen, but the way it did, and how it did, brought tears of joy to my eyes.

Many of you know, that I am divorced. Albeit, WE thought we would be "old and rocking" together in a swing on our front porch, for many reasons, some I feel are senseless and we should still be together, but it takes TWO.

Anyway, my ex husband has a daughter. He has not seen or even known where she was for over 30 years. The last time he saw her, she was about 2 years old. He was young, the Mom was young, and it was just not meant to be at the time. But, things happened, that really should never have, and the Mom caused a great harm to a Dad and daughter, that I hope after all these years, that some of those precious days can be gained back.

I got a private message on Facebook in fact on Tuesday. I "immediately" recognized the name. In fact I had helped "search for her" for years, trying to help him get in touch with her. Once she was over 18 years old, he felt she "may" want to know him, or maybe not. But, he definitely wanted a chance for them to find one another, and see how the other felt. All the while recently she had been doing the same, but it never "aligned" until it so happened that "my name" associated with his, and some of my friends on Facebook were her friends also.

I got the message asking me if I was married to this man. I said that "yes" we were married for almost 10 years and together almost 13. But, things changed and he is now back in the Seattle area. Of course I already knew who she was, but I did ask. It still blows me away how people's paths can cross, when you least expect it.

For one, I will admit, he left, and I honestly never understood, WHY, he didn't stay because he still was in love with me, and him I.. yet he battles with thinking that if a couple "has a disagreement" then something is wrong with the relationship. He came from a very "not just broken" but completely "battlefield" of a home, where the Father was an abuser, and the Mother either mentally unstable, or caught up in some really horrid things and people. In fact she died when he was only about 9 years old. His Dad had been dead for 3 YEARS before he found out! Like I said this was a battlefield of a wrecked home.

Here is the main "scoop" to my post.....

I have a wonderful story to tell and this was just incredible for this to happen right at the brand New Year! Someone reached out to me, that thought I "may know" from the searches the person done online. They found my name along with someone's name and reached out to me on private messenger here yesterday. I KNEW immediately who this person was, and that actually who they was looking for had been searching a very long time to find them also.

So, I of course said yes I know them, and yes I can contact them. I told them that they had been searching for a long while and in fact several years ago, I helped someone search for this exact person. So, I made a couple of phone calls, and the two that had not been in contact with one another for something like 30 years almost, "connected" yesterday. Both had been so concerned that the other would not want anything to do with them, but it was just the opposite, they both had been looking for each other. 

So, I got a beautiful message from them yesterday evening, telling me that they were so very appreciative of me finding out and helping to get them together after all these years. It is "close family" so when anyone is searching for a very close family member that they had "lost touch" with and had been searching, hoping and wishing it would someday happen, yesterday that miracle unfolded right in front of me. So, even if "my New Year" sucks, what happened yesterday was the BEST New Years blessing I could ever hope for. I realize all too often now, some get so caught up in their own situation, that they may not take the time and effort to do something like this, but of course it was never in my nature to not reach out and try to help. I am so totally blessed, and I now also "found" another person who I also was wanting to find for a long time also....

Eldery parents,caretakers,your own illnesses,surgery,family matters, Humana and insurance,doctors offices and issues, and more...

 Life is not always  BED OF ROSES... but I would settle for a few soft petals for now...




I am so excited - My NEW CORDLESS Weed Eater Came in yesterday! No more trying to pull those heavy cords around the yard, and I can take this out into the "back forty" also. Plus it is really almost lighter in weight than the corded one, and certainly lighter than the "gas" one. I can't weed eat for any long length of time, but I did discover, as long as I take it slow, and take breaks fairly quickly in between, then I can do lots with it. I can't start my darned lawnmower, because I do not have enough strength in my arms anymore to pull it quickly enough for it to start. It sucks, because I just put almost everything new on it last summer. I put the new pull cord device on it, a new air filter, changed the oil, a new spark plug, and fixed the "baffle" on it that deflects the grass. So, I am hoping my neighbor who used to mow the lawn will still do so, and he can see if i did a good job in the "overhaul" I guess when it plays out on me, I may have to get one that is "push button" for starting or something. I no longer can pull the cord quickly enough to start those kind. Anyway, right now I hope "nothing else" breaks or needs replacing around here. 

I've got the surgery to pay for, a doctors visit tomorrow that will have to be paid in full right now by me... he is my PCP and the ONLY doctor NOT on my "preferred provider list"... Hopefully since Aetna bought Humana, (they are on Aetna's plan) finally it will come together and they also will be on Humana's also... it is so odd, Humana used to carry them as a preferred provider for years.... anyway, I am having HELL with the surgeon's assistant that is doing my neck surgery. I go through hell with them on insurance every time... I FOUND THEM AND CALLED NOW 3 TIMES to make sure his clinic is on the "preferred provider list"... and I have seen it and they told me AGAIN ON THE PHONE YESTERDAY, that they are on Humana's "preferred providers list".... BUT the doctors office said the insurance said that they are not... well the issue is they have it listed under their "clinic name" which Humana tells me that means "the doctor" is covered... and I even got a special number on the phone yesterday as a confirmation that he is a preferred provider that I faxed to the doctors office... anyway, I have a 750.00 deductible on any "non preferred" provider then the insurance will pay 60% of the bill anyway, and then I pay 40%... so if it comes down to it, once that 750 is met, I would owe 40% of whatever, office visits, etc... and sometimes that 40% is actually "cheaper" than the co-pay which now is 20.00 for a PCP and a specialist is 45.00 in co-pay.... anyway, between that, trying to get Mom all figured out as far as her medications, and so forth, making sure I have someone to get me back and forth to the surgery next week on my neck and I think my son will be able to, he has to check with his work, then I will be in a neck brace for about 4 to 6 weeks...

 I will be able to drive after a week or so, but being in that neck brace makes it a bit more difficult, plus my pain pump has to be refilled around the 18th or so.... gosh always something... I won't be able to bend over, so I will have to get "creative" in changing the dogs paper and feeding/watering them... the little one is so full of "pee and vinegar" as the old saying goes, LOL, I will have to be extra careful with him after surgery so he does not trip me, or make me do something to "injure" my neck for the first couple of weeks... anyway we have all of that going on, and some others things, with family going on... I think all of us are more stressed out than we can almost handle... keep your thoughts and prayers with all of us right now.... I know my family will appreciate it for sure... 


My daughter and her family are under a great amount of stress due to jobs issues... things are so up in the air with the oil and has industry, and her husband, my son-in-law has worked with that type of thing now for over 10 years... yet with the extreme drop in oil and gas prices, of course it is taking a toll on so many of the companies that have anything to do with oil and gas right now... It is wonderful for us when we go to the gas station, but a nightmare for so many who may lose their jobs, and so forth. Talk about a double edged sword... so I have her and her family in my heart and am concerned for them, as I know this is a difficult time for them also. He does not really know from one day to the next if he will have a job with the company or not, and after having that security, benefits, insurance and so forth for over 10 years, that is difficult to deal with.

Ongoing Lupus, RA, trying to cope with Loss of my Aunt, and all that is so complex when you are fighting a chronic illness/pain issue, dealing with stress, surgeries, and grief

Life can be so awesome one moment, and tragic the next. My Aunt Geri, Moms last living sibling, her younger sister passed away yesterday afternoon after battling a rare form of stomach/intestinal cancer now for a long while. I believe it has been at least 3 years, if I am remembering correctly. She went through lots of chemo therapy, but we knew for one it was not operable, and two the doctors had already said that it was terminal. Yet, for the Grace of God, she lived to see her first Great Grand daughter born, and then some. She lives up in Mesquite, so we don't have any details at the moment. Even though her family, along with my Mom and I knew it was coming, you are never really prepared for something like this. Especially with Mom and her lower back issues, and all we have been through and are still dealing with, plus my own issues with my back, needing surgery, then things getting complicated with me contracting cellulitis, no 3 weeks of antibiotics later and the lump remains on my thigh under the skin. When I saw the doctor Friday, he said if this last round of antibiotics does not show signs of going away this, then I will need to see a surgeon, have the lump removed, and then they can determine exactly what it is. It has now gone from being about the size of a silver dollar, kind of a bit hard, but never feverish, red, and nothing ever burst through the skin, like you would assume cellulitis would. That is kind of the reason why he and myself are baffled as to why it remains. It has now turned into being about the size of a quarter but very hard, sore to the touch, plus I developed another lump on my right leg, that is almost in that same spot, just on top of my right thigh, and almost exactly across from the other one. It is not nearly as large, about the size of a pencil eraser, but sore to the touch, and like the other one pretty hard, and does not move around under the skin. At the very first, before I even knew what it was, it was a bit softer, and it kind of moved around underneath the skin when I would try to check out how large it was. Then of course, I had ran out of Orencia - now I guess it has been about 4 to 5 weeks ago. I had issues getting the insurance to get off their butts.. I needed a new script from the doctor, which they received, so I thought they were going to fill it and send the meds to me as usual. Well, after going another week, no call and no medication, I called them. I found out yes, they had the new script, and even though i had already asked for it to be refilled before they got the new one, they did not fill it. Instead they were waiting on me to call back and ask for it to be shipped. In the meantime the lump formed, all of the other stuff came up with both Mom and myself, so I have not had any Orencia in weeks. I feared my last couple of injections may have been contaminated somehow and caused the cellulitis. I am supposed to be on Xeljanz anyway, did the blood work and labs, then the TB lab test came back indecisive, thus I still have not been able to have the chest X ray ... I was hoping to do that last week, then I came down with the stomach bug, and I am still not completely over something with my stomach. I am still somewhat nauseated, which I contribute to the heat, already being sick, a headache, all of the stress about my Mom, my own things such as the back surgery, and so forth. So, now my fingers on both hands, and in between my fingers are swollen, my knuckles really don't want to work correctly and I am having hell with the RA in both hands and wrists. I have always had some issues with them, but more in both thumbs. I have not been able to get the swelling down, and just trying to open a bottle of coke or anything is so painful, plus my grip is really bad right now... and then my darned keyboard that I love... it is solar, seems to be going out on me, thus this one sucks and does not even allow me to do a hyphen or quotation mark, and It is really irking me to no end...PLEASE continue to keep my Mom, and the family in your thoughts and prayers... as I had posted before, this is Moms last sibling, she has lost both parents, a brother, a sister in law... and most of the family on both my Grandfather and Grandmothers side.. of course we lost Dad in 2005... and am sure that brings up things such as that for Mom anyway... I appreciate each of you... I am thinking about trying to get ready for church. I missed this past two weeks because of being so sick and was going to try and go this morning... but I am still dealing with a bit of stomach issues, and with all going on, I HAVE to go and have my pain pump refilled tomorrow, I have no choice. We waited this time until THE DAY my PTM shows the refill date to be. For some reason it almost falls every time where I have to have it filled too early, for one reason or the other... so it worked out to be on the day this time.... more later...

I appreciate your prayers, and yes mine are with you also... this is just proving to be "another one of those tough years".... I had so hoped that 2015, would bring more Light, Hope and Positive things to our lives. Yet, once again so many of us are trying to cope with all types of chronic illnesses, pain, mental and emotional pain also, the loss of loved ones, and this entire nation in general... I can barely stand to watch or look at the news anymore. It is almost too depressing to see just how horrid people can be. From harming their own family, friends, to those who just do NOT care about humanity... the greed, corruption, the back biting, back stabbing... those that get rich off of our own misfortunes, from lack of care from insurance companies, to the extremely ridiculous prices of medications, even generics now are soaring out of the roof... and people have to almost feel as of they always have to look over their shoulder, whether in a huge city, or a small town... so many as I said above that have no remorse, or regard for human life. Even all of the "election" stuff... it just almost makes me physically sick to my stomach at the thought of just about anyone running for President of our nation next year and anyone of those possibly winning... we are already in a terrible condition, not just nationally, but internationally... countries going bankrupt... people not able to find jobs to support their families... and the amount of ever growing medical issues... our water, air, soil... all polluted with Lord knows what... or whether you will walk out of your local market, or church, or movie theater and be taken down by some "home grown terrorist"... I despise even the sound of that... hard for me to fathom any human especially in this great nation being "home grown to terrorize, and kill others... the insanity grows daily.... we have the weight of our own issues on our shoulders, along with the weight of this entire nation and world, as far as the safety, security, and welfare of all of us.. again thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers... my Mom and I, along with my kids and family appreciate each of you..

Even though Dealing with Autoimmune diseases, Chronic Illness and/or Chronic Pain, every once in a while it is OKAY to find some humor in life.....

Some of you may recognize this as soon as you see it. If you are a fan of a late night television show, then I am sure you will.

Plus if you were "born" in the era of a certain band, that had a couple of huge hits, you may also recognize this also.

Actually, right now I am in such "blah" (for lack of a better word) mood right now.

I found out that this "lump" on my left top thigh, was NOT just any old lump. I have cellulitis and that is why I have it there. I had been out about 6 weeks ago or so, cutting up some tree limbs, after all of the wind, rains etc... earlier in the spring, and putting them in a trash bin, so they could be gotten rid of. Well, I never really "felt" anything but I must have accidentally brushed my thigh against one of the limbs, and a very tiny piece, just a sliver of "bark" I think must have been just like a "sticker" or splinter and was in my thigh. A couple of days later, I noticed a red spot there, and it was kind of sore, so I was watching it, putting antibiotic cream on it, and keeping it covered. I just thought I scratched my leg doing something, I did not know at the time something was "in it".... but then I did see several days later, it looked like it has a bit of infection in it... just maybe the size of a head of a match, so I cleaned around it, and was able to kind of push around the outside of the place, and I saw this tiny piece of something come out of it. And also there was a tiny bit of yellow, but it was really nothing I considered to be horribly bad. I kept cleaning it, and squeezing around it, and for a couple of days, again, I might get 4 or 5 drops of what may have been a bit of infection out of it. But, then it began to seal itself over, and I no longer seen anything red, or warm, or looked like possibly more infection. So, I went on about my life, and really didn't even think much about it at all.

Then, it must have been about 7 to 10 days later, I was doing something and brushed against my thigh, and I noticed a small "lump" kind of about where that place has healed over. It did not appear like there was infection, not warm, not red, just a small lump under the skin. Well, as the days went by, I began to notice it was getting a bit larger. I still really never gave it that much thought, and in fact I figured with the way my body reacts with my autoimmune issues and illnesses, that it formed kind of a scar tissue under the skin. Yet, I continued to notice, that lump was growing, and when I decided to have it looked at, it was about the size of a silver dollar. It was not "soft", but kind of hard. It is sore to the touch, and as it got larger I noticed it would hurt a bit when I walked. So Friday, after doing some "google" searching, I kind of got concerned. More about the possibility of it being some type of cancer actually. From some of the different searches and sites I went to, all too often I noticed there might be someone who does get a piece of sticker, or glass etc in a foot and so forth, and after that heals suddenly a lump appears and it is cancer.

That is when I put the two and two together, and knew that lump had to be due to the sliver of whatever was in my thigh. OF course I have heard of cellulitis and was more familiar with it, in those with Diabetes. I knew that pretty often due to their sometimes not healing over quickly enough and also being a bit immune compromised, especially their feet and legs if injured can quickly turn into cellulitis, and even worse.


But, I guess my conception of "cellulitis" was more of "seeing a place, red, warm with fever, and opened up, possibly even have infection draining out of it. I did not know that you may have it "underneath" the top layers of skin, like mine, forming a lump of infection, that grows quickly and of course can spread quickly also.

But, once again my "gut feeling" took over, and I felt it was something that needed to be seen ASAP. Even if it were to be a "tumor" it still needed attention and I knew I should not put it off. So, Friday, early right after my PCP's office opened, I called. They are only open a 1/2 day on Fridays, as far as seeing patients, but she must have went back and asked my doctor whether I should come in or if it could wait until next week. So she came back and told me to be there at 11:30 Friday morning. Again, I still was not really considering "infection". The "signs and symptoms" I am aware of about something such as this, is what I said above... red, hot, feverish, possibly broken open, and/or infection that you can "see", would be what I would look for if I suspected infection.

Needless to say, I definitely learned something new in the medical world. I have cellulitis. So, #1, I DID GO and not put it off. If I had that may have landed me in the hospital for IV antibiotics (I am just praying the 2 oral ones I am on gets rid of it all)...both of them very high powered strong medications for infections.

Even though it had "appeared" that the sliver came out, and what bit of infection I got out, did not rid my body of the bacteria underneath the skin. Thus, this lump would have either continued to grow, spread the cellulitis somewhere else in my body, or it sure would have began to grow red, warm, and possibly show outside on top of the skin. It was bad enough I went for that many days without seeing my doctor. But, HE HOPES these two antibiotics will do the trick.

Anyway, one of them Rifampin has to be taken on an empty stomach! Well, you can imagine, I am already of the tendency, to get sick to my stomach, so put that in there, along with the other one Bactrim, and all of my other medications... and I feel like hell honestly. I have read and re-read about both of them, especially "usual" side effects etc.

Of course nausea, upset stomach etc.. is a major one for just about any type of antibiotic. But, I am also very fatigued, in fact as much as I wanted to go to church this morning, I just felt I a not in any shape to go at the moment. I have not slept well again in weeks.... between the stress of my own health problems, and now my Mom's; along with trying to get her to PT 3 times a week, plus she needs an MRI, plus our pain doctor is going to do the Epidural Steroid Injections... (transforminal). They in fact called Friday while I was in the doctors office. I guess they have already gotten the "okay" for the injections from the insurance company, and are ready to set a date up for her to have the injections done. On top of all of that, fortunately, up until about the last year or so, my Mom has been in good health, for her age. She will be 80 next month, and other than controlled high blood pressure, and a "leaky" valve in her heart, that for now they are also controlling with medication, Mom has no clue about any of this and the way they have to do things now. So, when she would go to the doctor, there was none of the extra tests, and so on... she thought she would just go to my pain doctors office, have the injections done the same day, and come home. As I had explained, no doctor that is a legitimate doctor, will put injections into your spine, without a visit to his/her office, having to schedule it with insurance also, and all of the other red tape that now goes along with procedures. So, that has not helped either. I have began to see, that even though I may go over things with her several times, she still may not "get it"... and I find myself explaining things over and over to her, often more than I think I should have to... but I know she is also concerned, been in more pain, that probably she ever had in her life so far, I still get concerned that she maybe a bit more "mixed up" at times than normal.


So, in some ways, I am also concerned about her memory... and even some of the things she tells me about, that happened a very long time ago, and I a JUST think to myself, wow did that happen? And if it did, at my age, why did I not know that years ago. I was around my hometown most of my life, so some of what she brings up and tells me, almost sounds "too odd", strange, "off", to be true in many ways.

Now, onto the REAL REASON for this post, and it seems I ALWAYS have a way of going "full circle" back and forth in order to "say" what I want to in the first place. That is the true "writer" in me for sure...

I am posting this graphic for all of you.... let's see if you recall anything about it! I know for me, I just about ROFLMAO when I hear or see it!

A Bit OF "Personal" Goings ON I wanted to share....

In between all of this, I have not mentioned that I got a call from Mom last night. Her last living sibling, her sister, who is about 3 years younger than Mom, has been battling "terminal" stomach cancer for a long while. Well, my Uncle called Mom and told her that my Aunt now has Hospice coming in all the time. I feel from what he said she does not have much longer. So, this week is so nuts for myself and Mom, that I hope and pray my Aunt Geri makes it till Thursday. They live in Mesquite up by Dallas and it is not far from my Pain Doctor. I have an appt with him on Thursday afternoon. So, our plans are to go up and visit my Aunt for a bit, then go on over to my doctors for my appt. This is a horribly busy week for me, and I am already feeling run down. I had the CT Scan done earlier this morning, and now we shall see what that has to say. I fear it will not "show enough"... which as stupid as this sounds, I hope it DOES show what the heck is causing all of my added pain!!! My pain doctor is going to "up" my medication in my pump, so we need to know where the freaking pain is coming from. I feel it could be from "compression fractures" due to my osteoporosis being so severe. But, I am also having major pain in both hips... and then down the back and sometimes front of my legs, all the way to my heels. So, please keep my Aunt, My Mom and our family in your prayers. This is my Mom's last "close" family member, besides myself and my two kids. So, she has lost my Dad, both her parents, and then her brother and sister in law. I know she is taking this much harder than she lets on. I am worried about her too... she kept repeating herself and asking me the same questions over and over today when I dropped by, so I know she is just upset, plus I feel she may have some "dementia" herself. Both my Grandfather, he had Alzheimer's and my Grandmother had dementia... so it runs in her family... also my daughter and her husband and kids are really going through a tough time right now.... more on the level of a job situation, and has to do with the oil business. Her hubby has worked for this company for 10 years or more... and there is lots going on for them also... so I would really appreciate your positive thoughts our way...

 

 

Of course, everything always is either feast or famine and we don't realize at times when something either keeps us "home" rather than going where we feel we should be, or having to be some place and you never expected that either. I've been waxing and waning now for months with this "new" type of almost at times unbearable pain. But, this is my hips, my lower back, then down my legs almost into my heels. It seems to be worse on my feet, or if I stand or walk a bit more than around the house. Yet, now I notice if I sit here at my computer in my chair, I also begin to hurt and I have to get up and walk away... so it is almost damned if I do, and damned if I don't.... I shall update my post as things happen.... until then keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers.... Rhia