All of the ANGELS AMONG US...

 We have so many angels that walk among us! I am so grateful for their love, hope, caring and giving of themselves freely...

I pray we remember to be Giving thanks for All they do each day to try and keep us healthy each day...

A quick Break from the "medical things" and a bit about my life these past days...

I just  got my new little "Bella-Doxie" yesterday. Her and Peanut are learning to get used to one another.... since she is barely six weeks old, she is still quite little and whines a bit. I think she misses her Mom and brothers and sisters. But, they have been playing with one another and I know in a week or so, all three of us will settle down into a routine. I've not had such a little one in a while, that I had to paper train. Peanut was already a bit older when i adopted him, about 6 months. So he was already almost trained by the time he came to live with me.


Also, today is a VERY SPECIAL day in my life. In 1984, my daughter Amanda was born. Words cannot even begin to express just how fortunate I am to have such an incredible daughter, who is a wife, and Mom herself; as well as a special friend to many of the people that are her friends.

She came about 2 weeks earlier than what we thought. But, LOL, I only lived about 2 blocks from the hospital at the time, so I had "Braxton-Hicks" contractions with her about a month before she was due. I didn't have them with my son, so I thought I was going to have her a month too early. In fact, I made two trips to the hospital, all "false labor" as they also call it.

But, since they had to give me "Pitosin" with my son 5 years earlier, they also about 2 weeks before my due date went ahead and since I was showing already dilating and effacing, gave me the same to help get my labor moving along.

I had my son, and he started kindergarten about 2 weeks after she was born. I so "KNEW" she was a girl, and so wanted a girl. Back then, (even though not ThAT long ago) they did not do "sonograms" etc, unless they suspected something wrong. So, I could only wait and see for sure, if she was a girl. But, in my heart I knew from day one she was definitely going to be my little girl. I got to stay at home with her about the 1st 9 months then went back to work. She was a tiny thing, only about 19 inches long, and weighed almost the same as her brother, 7 pounds and 1 ounce, but her brother was 22 inches long or so. So, he was LONG and was kind of thin since he had so much length. She looked like a little baby doll, since she was so much shorter. A head of full really dark hair, and had the dark skin tone, from both sides of the family.

I got tickled my best friend from high school and I were expecting at the same time. So, I can recall my friend wanting "Mexican" food all the time. She would have eaten Mexican food 3 meals a day, for the entire 9 months if she could have... LOL!

Anyway, now at 33 years old which seems impossible that time has flown by so quickly, she has her 3 children, her daughter who she raised from the time Heather was 2 years old, and then her 2 boys who are about 7 and 12. So, happened her boys were spaced out about like her and her brother.

I miss them so much! They live about 7 hours from me. So, even though we talk gosh, at least 3 or 4 times... I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like to.... So, I have a new little "Doxie", and am wishing my daughter a wondrous and special birthday, along with many, many more days of joy to come.... and I include a few photo's

 So, here's the new little "Bella-Doxie"

 Here is Bella and Peanut looking at one another.

  Myself and Amanda....

 My daughter her husband and the kids.

And here are more of her, her husband and the kids and their lives throughout the years they have been together...

Trying to Move Past the "bad" of 2016 & look ahead to a Hopeful 2017... (Resolutions?, Revelations, Lessons from life's past, reaching within the depths of my soul to make sense, out of a "senseless" world and all that we must endure)

"Trying to Move Past the "bad" of 2016 & look ahead to a Hopeful 2017... (Resolutions?, Revelations, Lessons from life's past, reaching within the depths of my soul to make sense, out of a "senseless" world and all that we must endure) "

Alas the "title of this post" is a great deal longer than usual. I felt in order to bring the message to all of you I needed to try and title this so everyone will know how crucial this post is, and just how I've had to pull every ounce of whatever bit of faith I have to bring you the truest feelings of this past couple of years.

Life deems to bring us many things that we cannot possibly "see" the good out of it, whether it is loss of a loved one, a fur baby, chronic illnesses and pain, watching others suffer, when so often whatever is happening seems useless and a waste of what little time we have here on this Earth. I never said or pretended to understand why so many horrible events happen to those that are good, gracious, loving, nurturing, and are decent people. Yet, others that are horrible, frightening, terrible to their own kind, are not decent, not caring, and often tear others down, rather than build them up.

Most people find themselves trying to put a list of "New Years Resolutions" together at the beginning of each year. Other similar words, "revelations, settle, make a pledge to do something a different way, such a quit smoking, work out more, eat healthier, we pledge to ourselves to do some things in a manner more positive, than hold onto our old ways, that may not have been the best way to do things...

thus rather than resolutions, I try and use a different term, such as "throwing out the old, torn and tattered ways, and beginning a new way with new "material" and a hopeful heart. I also know many of us "keep" some of those "resolutions", and some find themselves settling back into their old ways, which brings a guilt to our heart, thus too many "difficult" changes within a short amount of time, leaves us to NOT be able to keep them all. We get upset, feel so useless, see others making their goals, while maybe we cannot keep our own.

Below are a  few synonyms that could be used to mean "Resolutions":

intention, resolve, decision, intent, aim, plan; commitment, pledge, promise

   They have became a "tradition" like black eyed peas at midnight for good luck in the coming year, we have many traditions, we keep or try to keep during holidays and so forth, like mistletoe, the Christmas tree, sending cards for holidays, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and so forth.

I guess I would say that I shall "pledge" or commit to a few things that I feel I need to change and have a fresh start for the new year.

As always all too often we have "unexpected" roadblocks, happenings, events, whether it be family, illnesses, accidents, jobs, and so on, that change that path of good intentions we set up for ourselves at the 1st of the year.

For me my good intentions tend to get put aside for family, or for the chronic illness and pain I suffer with, that in a moment I can go from feeling great to being in the hospital... having surgery etc. None of us can truly "predict" the exact things that will happen from one moment to the next.


So, as I, along with many of you try to "have the promises" to ourselves duly noted and ready to start anew, remember WE ARE HUMAN! We will have issues come up that causes us not to be able to keep some of the very things we so want to do, change, stop, start and so forth...

As I write this tonight December 31,2016 from my hospital bed, hoping to be out of here and home very soon, again, never did I think 3 weeks ago I would fall, fracture my hip in 2 places, have other complications arise, and spend both Christmas and New Years in a hospital.

Try to keep yours a list of things that are not too complicated, or just write down a few, lie 4 or 5, rather than 10, 20 or more, and be proud of the progress you make even if you don't complete them all. If you get "some" of them done, or just a piece of several that you are working towards a goal on, give yourself a "well done" and push forward, knowing even a baby step, is a definite positive for the New year and YOU!

A piece of me feels as if I am blocking out all that we went through with Mom, then losing her in June so suddenly. Then the ordeal of paperwork, and all that happens even after the funeral is over.

Then I've went from one issue such as both ankles severely twisted, to sinusitis, to pneumonia, to Lupus flares, then to take such a horrible fall. and break my right hip in two places... to wind up being in the Rehab on Christmas, and maybe for awhile after the 1st of the year.

I just know that things have to get better. I am so terribly tired of being ill in one way or the other. I tried so hard to NOT allow this to happen to me. I knew my chances of a fall could lead to a break of a bone or joint. That is one of the very last things I wanted r needed. But, when I hit that hardwood floor two weeks ago the coming Tuesday, I knew it was not good.

I wanted to believe that it was bruised badly, yet when I could not drag it on the floor without screaming out in pain, I knew then it was bad.

I've been in a turmoil over the state our nation is in. Now with the "person" that is to be our new President, totally terrifies the hell out of me. I cannot fathom him having enough tact with out own Congress, much less any other nation.

I am having to almost "hide" my feelings this season. Here I see many families, together, excited about kids, Christmas, and this very special time of the year, yet I feel left in a "dark fog" wondering once again why I feel "punished", why did I have to take a fall as I did, and break a hip. And what are the chances that I wind up having another surgery if this hip does not work without an entire replacement since the osteoporosis could cause issues.

Frankly, this is one of the very 1st times I've been this worried about my own health issues. I watched my Grandmother and my Mom be able especially my Grandmother take care of themselves for YEARS alone. Now, I fear everything, from just getting out of the bed to going home. I've always been so bound and determined to do my stuff myself. Now, between the Lupus, the RA, the Osteoporosis, and now a broken hip, that I will lose some of my independence, which that thought bothers me badly.

Then to have one of my fur kids pass away suddenly night before last in my arms, here in the Rehab, just seemed to put the entire last almost 3 years into a world of such hurt, for myself, and also my kids; I keep trying to "hold onto" what little faith I have to sustain me, and try to over the sinking into sand, peeking upward, and asking for another half ounce of courage, strength and ability to try to "understand" the reasons I may NOT understand, not now, but someday I shall know the why's of this life, and the grief it brings to us within a matter of moments.

A Few New Photo's for the "New Year" - My Wedding Dress (that I deicded to Wash myself 10 years old), pics of the fur-kids, of my Christmas Wreath, & a few other Misc....

A few of my Daughter and Grandkids, My 13 Sleigh Bell Christmas Ornaments, one for every year now since 2004, My Fur-kids, Peanut and Bub's, My Wedding Dress I decided to wash myself (I wore it 10 years ago last April 6th 2005) one of my Mom and more....

Sharing Life, Holidays, Up's, Down's, Reality, and Dealing/Coping with Holidays when You are Chronically Ill/Pain & have a broken heart, along with problems that follow....

First I share some "Good News" and Happenings lately in my life. After Losing my Pug, Tazzy here about 3 months ago, and she was a Christmas Present 14 years ago, from my "husband", (we are now separated) & Bub's and I, (my Chiweenie, who is 5) were really down and out about the holidays. My "body" really would not allow me to climb into the attic for the big tree and decorations, so I bought a small tree, and put 14 years of Sleigh Bell's, one for every year my husband and I had been together.

Then I and Bub's have been fortunate enough to have a brand new "fur-baby" addition to the family just this week! He is only about 3 months old, and his name is "Peanut". I've officially adopted him, so he is getting used to myself and Bub's, and we are learning to adapt to a new baby in the house! But, I think he is really the best "Christmas" present we could ever have, and I am so grateful he came along at just the right time.

I adopted him from a local non-profit here in my area called "Tales of Hope". It is all volunteers, who take the pups into their "foster care" until they find homes and owners for them. I am happy my Vet suggested I adopt from them, and so far it has been a very peaceful and simple thing to go through. He came and had a "house visit" for 4 or 5 days, to see if he and us were all a good fit, and then just a matter of a bit of paperwork, they take care of his puppy boosters, micro-chipping, and then neutering, in a few months when he is old enough... so we are happy he has joined us.


Here are some photo's I've taken, of them, of myself lately, and me trying to put "me" back together again, after my husband no longer here, and then of course we lost the lawsuit over the 18 wheel tractor trailer that RAN OVER HIM WHILE THE DRIVER WAS ON HIS CELL PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER!

Needless to say, I know I have told some of that story, but was kind of under a "gag" order until after the trial, which was the 1st week in November. You can imagine where that left myself, but much more than that my husband, who suffered MANY terrible injuries, of which left him partially paraplegic, without some of his "memory for things such as current", and harmed his concentration levels a great deal. All of that with the pain and suffering, from having his back basically broken in "two", with 9 fusions down the thoracic spine, and wired together... he has more "broken" ribs, that not, and a concussion, that they did not realize how badly it effected him until months and months after the accident. He is a web developer, designer, and has been for 20 years, and that takes a huge amount of concentration, and the ability to "hold onto" information as far as not only long term, but short term... which all suffered from the accident. So, without any settlement funds, he is basically not able to get health insurance, cannot apply for federal disability because he had worked for himself so many years, and made well below the amount to pay in social security. The job he had before then, he did pay in, but as we know, that has to be within so many "months" before you apply and he of course did not have those "units" before, since it has been years since he paid in from a regular job.


The pain and suffering harmed my own health of course, and he had been somewhat my "caretaker" when I had surgeries, or flares with the Lupus/RA, or was too ill. He did some of the cooking, running errands, going to the market, etc... and after the accident, he could not even walk down two steps at our front porch, much less walk in a store, drive, or do anything that required, bending, lifting, carrying and so forth. So, as any spouse would have done, I "negated" my own issues, as far as health, trying to help him heal, both physically and mentally... all the while I started getting ill with more flares, and just have one crisis after the other with my own health, and mentally of course I felt almost as if I had "lost" myself and him... I feel I was "grieving" over losing my own "health" and then to watch him change, I grieved over losing him and us.


I know in MY HEART AND SOUL.... THOSE PEOPLE on THE OTHER END OF THE LAWSUIT FLAT LIED IN DEPOSITIONS, AND ON THE STAND, I BELIEVE THEY "PAID OFF" THESE TWO SO CALLED WITNESSES, THAT I KNOW COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SITE OF THAT BUSY HIGHWAY COMING INTO DOWNTOWN DALLAS, I-45 THAT DAY! But, I KNOW SOMEONE USED THEIR MONEY AND POWER, AND PEOPLE TO LIE, thus we lost the suit...

BUT, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... IT ALWAYS DOES... AND SOMEDAY, they WILL PAY FOR THEIR OWN WAYS, in some form or fashion... we "never" have to take "revenge" for I've seen it happen too many times... THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE, are taken care of by their own misdeeds. We must just let it go... and "Let God".... I guess would be the proper saying.... How how, some day the "truth" will come out.... it may not "help" us by then, but when it does, it will effect their lives, and then someday they may understand just how horrible our lives have been, and what they have taken away from a marriage, a family, two people, and all we feel we "lost" within those seconds of that accident....


All right, so now I have that part out.... I am taking one step at a time, one breath, one "breath's space", and one moment, day, week... as they come... There is not much else I can do but either "give up"... or move forward... as the song, "too much time to make up, everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, too much water moving underneath the bridge, let the water come and carry us away"  Crosby, Stills, and Young ...


And I have experienced so many wonderful thing in my life, things I felt I would never be able to do... travel by myself to states and states... move to a wonderful city and stay for 5 years, Seattle, snow ski at Wolf Creek Pass CO, see the beauty of Santa Fe, see a baseball game in Phoenix, make a drive all the way to Nebraska to meet a friend, to have many friends that are "miles away" but close at heart... publish not just one but 2 BOOKS, and working on this 3rd one.... dance, sing, play the drums, write music, play the piano and keyboard, go to college and get my Associate Degree, although NOT in the subject I wanted... run a "retail women's store".......see the ocean in FL, in TX (The gulf), the the Sound in Seattle, take a ferry to Bainbridge Island, see the beaches in CA, Go to Vegas, have many vacations I remember as a child with my parents, experience things I thought I may never.... BUT, STILL, I have so many more I want to do, to see, to experience, and of course go to WASHINGTON dc and "stand upon the White House Steps, and tell Congress how I feel about those in need with Lupus, RA,JRA, Osteoarthritis, and many more chronic health conditions....


My "hopes" are that my life gets back on a "new track", in a very good way beginning January 2016. My hope is that I can get back to my writing, and finish my 3rd book, and have it published. I also hope that I can find the "finances" somehow to get my home "finished"... there are so many "small" things that need to be completed, and without lots of cash, that makes it difficult to do. I really don't need a great deal of materials, and what I need is not all that expensive, but it is the "labor", and finding someone to come and do what "I can't do"... I can paint, sand, (have a new idea about my kitchen,bathroom, and laundry room floors that will cost a lot less)... I need some wall boarding put up in the spare bedroom, and in my laundry room. But, the most expensive thing I truly need is a new roof on my house. This one really is in bad shape, and I am very concerned about the Spring and Summer, and stormy weather... plus my entire outside of the house needs painting, which some of that I can do... it is the higher parts, where I have to be up on a ladder higher than I should be that I will need help with. I am going to try and put new "hog wire" fencing up around my back yard, and most of the posts are there, but I need some help getting a couple of dead trees out of the way, and then probably getting the fencing tight enough, plus this back 1/2 acre or so of land that is mine, truly needs to be completely cleaned up. I have a huge pecan tree that died and most of it is down, but it needs to go... plus some other smaller trees be cut down, and trimmed... then I have a piece of an old bus, that was here, when I bought the house, and it needs to be hauled away. It is old, an eye sore, and someone could probably take it with a trailer, and sell it for the scrap metal... so some things are more just time, others I need a bit of cash, and others are in need of assistance, and then of course the roof, that means about 5,000.00 or so....

So, my hopes are that I can stay well enough, to get at least "some" of these projects accomplished as far as the house, I can finish my book and get it published, can get a surgery out of the way I am in need of, and maybe two.... plus just find "myself" a new light, a new path, and follow my heart... go back to dancing, singing, listening to music, and doing what my "body" allows me to do....

My wishes are that YOU, shall also find your path, your light, and your "love" of what ever that may be, whether of the human heart, of a new job, a new place to live, or just doing some of the things in life we tend to put off.... and we never know if "tomorrow" nor the next breath will be here....

I am putting up some pics, and links of some of my "wishes", and my ow hopes for my life the comes with each step I make forward..... Honestly, I've spent way too many years putting everyone else "1st" in life.... and all of what I want, need, or wish always goes on the very back burner... and there shall be some that are not "happy" with this decision... but I am chronically ill, I have many health issues, and I stay in severe pain most days, and I feel like if I do not put my foot down, and begin taking care of ME... I will regret things later as I get older.....


I hope you find the courage to put "you" first... and put the things in life that are important to you, on the "front burner"....

In Remembrance, Reflection, Pride, and & Celebration. May YOUR July 4th Holiday be all you want it to be...

Have a Happy, Safe, and Wonderful July 4th Holiday Weekend!

 

I want to wish everyone a very SAFE, HAPPY, and reflective July 4th Holiday weekend! As I watched what the news had to say yesterday evening, it was pure shame I felt (even though I am not one of ""them") that our Grand Nation, has have to endure such horrific hate crimes, terrorist acts, and again "credible" threats enough to warrant each and every "celebration" especially in our huge cities, like Washington DC, New York, LA, and more to either have so many "patrols" out, or some have even cancelled their events due to the fact they feel it is NOT safe enough to even have a beautiful celebration of our Country, the USA! That also makes me mad, sad, and also even a bit fearful. Our small town has a "celebration" planned for tomorrow. We have now had a "Farmer's Market" that opens every Saturday to local growers, who come and sell their fruits, fresh veggies, and so forth. So, our town also is including some out of town vendors, even a small concert, and then a fireworks extravaganza* in the evening,, as well as one out of the Texas Motorplex, that they have been putting on for years for the holiday. Yet, even here, just because we are a "small town"... you NEVER KNOW... who could be a "lone wolf".... we have had our share of close calls in our country and the surrounding ones, and we don't live but about 35 miles from Dallas. So, we want to put aside our "fear" and think, "Oh, this would never happen here, not in our small community"... alas, sad but true, it only takes ONE person to create a horrific scene even in a small town.

So as we ready ourselves for cookouts, family gatherings, going to other celebrations, the lake, camping, and all of the many activities going on throughout our nation, be "viligant", watchful, and don't be afraid to "report" something you feel is "not right".... those types of "mindfulness" is what keeps us safe, happy, and being able to celebrate with family and friends...

I bid you ALL A Wonderful 4th of July Holiday Weekend... whether traveling, or at home cooking, wherever you are, be safe, be happy, we do still have much to celebrate and in so many ways... and Enjoy your Holiday! Hugs to All, Rhia Steele

 

Taking A Moment Away from the Griping and Fussing over illness and pain to say " Happy Mother's Day" to All!

Before I get back to my griping, fussing and being "sick and tired" of feeling "sick and tired" I thought I would stop and take "inventory" of Mother's Day, coming up on Sunday. It used to be a "tradition" of ours, to take my Mom, and the three of us go to one of the casino's. The last several years, we usually go to Oklahoma, to Winstar, because it all has you could ever want or need, plus it is quite a bit closer than going to Louisiana. :)

After my husbands accident last year in March, that kind of put a damper on things. In fact he was still in the hospital at Mother's Day last year, and Mom and I went together, just the two of us, and had a wonderful time. We usually have a blast together, whether it be at a Casino, or just a day away for a "window shopping trip".... so not being able for the 3 of us to go right now, kind of changes the scheme of things. Yet, life is like that. We never know when within a breath's space our entire lives can be changed forevermore.

This year is going to be a real challenge for me. Now I face yet another round of tests on my lumbar/sacral spine. They just called to sit up a "discography" to be done in Dallas at Medical City. I chose to wait until the last part of the month, on the 27th, which now I am wondering why I decided to wait that long. Today, I feel like I've been ran over by a train, and then backed over and ran over once more. My back had been feeling "somewhat" better. And of course between our freaky weather, and all I've been doing, my back hurts like hell right now. But, so does the rest of me. So, I figure I've either came down with a slight "bug", or it is a "flare" trying to come on... fatigue, pain, lethargic, nauseated, my head feels like it could explode and our humidity has to be at 100%!!!!

Anyway, I said no "griping" on this post :)  So, again below is what I posted to all of the Mom's on Facebook. Thus, here it is for all of you also.

Enjoy your kids!!! They grow up much to quickly. Just turn around once, blink your eyes, and within a breaths space, they are grown, often married, with family's of their own, jobs, and all that life entails for them. So, everyone with little tot's please enjoy every moment of the funny, silly, and sometimes messy things they do... for it won't be long, they will be out of high school, out of college and out into the world all their own....

And you shall be wondering where the time went....

With Love, Honor and Wishing All Mom's out there a very Happy Mother's Day!

I wanted to post a "shout out" there to ALL MOMS! Mothers Day is here on Sunday, and before I get too wrapped up in things I want to make sure to let every Mom, Step-Mom, and so on know just how incredible you are. The many nights we've stayed up with them when they were little, or ill, to the days of school, lunches and parties. From the PTA meetings, cupcakes for the class, all of the special birthday parties, holidays and decorations we put out for our kids to enjoy. From the days of worry over them as they grow a bit older, and pray "we've raised them right... those times we think "they didn't come with an instruction manual, and that pain we endured when they were born, and how quickly it melted away as soon as we heard that first cry. They always remain "Our kids" no matter if they are 3 yrs old or 35 years old... kids still are kids to parents... I am so proud of my two "kids"... although both grown, my son 35 soon to be 36 (I think) and my daughter 31soon to be 32 (I think);) and her awesome husband and my 3 great and wonderful grand kids. I so wished we lived closer, we just don't get to see one another as we would like. Yet, life is life, and sometimes things are not exactly as we would like them to be. So, thank goodness for FB, so she can keep me up to date, with pictures of all of their events, and I have got to watch them "grow up" via Facebook! :):) For that I am elated. I wish each and every Mom out there an incredible Mother's Day! Whatever and wherever you get to go, or stay home, visit, rest, and however you celebrate, may you be well, free from pain, if only for that day, and know in your heart, you are a fantastic Mom!!!!