Monday's seem to "hit" everyone in some type of lousy way, no matter who, where, when or why it is what it is.... & throwing our Circadian Clocks OFF

Well, between Monday's usual errands etc, I think I finally got caught up on my WEGO Health Bloggers Month Long Challenge! I am still NOT feeling all that well. I know part of my problems with feeling lousy is because I have "overdone" it and probably WAY overdone than I care to admit. I've thrown out old furniture, moved furniture, cleaned, dusted, been trying to get a couple more of my "inside" windows not stuck anymore. I have "storm windows", but before they put them on, I did not get a chance to really make sure the inside old windows were not painted shut, or just plain stuck because of the age of the home. So, it has taken me several months in all to get about 11 or 12 that I can open up the inside windows and then get to the storm windows and open them when the weather is nice, and get inside, in between those also... I have one very, very STUBBORN ONE over my kitchen sink. I finally was hurting so badly I sprayed it down with WD-40 and left it last night. I've not tried it yet today. 

We have really wet, dreary, weather so the wood is also swollen which makes it harder to work with. Then I spent an hour or more yesterday trying to get the small "cracks" sealed up on my front storm door. I had some of the rubber put on the bottom, but it was not really long enough, so I put a new strip on that has the longer rubber on it. Then I had to put one on the outside, plus put a piece on the side where the screen latches. This house has settled so badly, that it also why I have issues with these windows. It needs to be leveled, BUT THE COST OF HAVING THIS HOUSE LEVELED NOW PROBABLY RUNS ABOUT $15,000.00! It was about $10M when we checked on it years ago. They have to get under it, pour concrete posts, then take out the old creosote posts that are under there then try and shim and level it up. It sucks also because this house happens to be on ground that has room to get under it on one side, and then the other is very, very low to the ground. It would be a nightmare.... it was not a true "peer and beam" but just more like the "beams" under it. 

There is SO much that needs to be done to the house, that it makes my head hurt and spin just thinking about the cost of some of those things, like the foundation, and a new fence in the back, that requires cutting down trees MY NEIGHBOR NEVER CUT DOWN WHEN HE PROMISED HE WOULD AFTER TAKING A BUILDING DOWN THAT WAS ON THE PROPERTY LINE, TO BUILD A BIG HONKIN' GARAGE THAT IS LARGER THAN MY OR THEIR HOUSE, AND LEFT THE TREES, ONE HUGE AND ROTTEN. Half of it is laying in my back yard.... and that expense is astronomical to have someone cut down those trees. Some of them are small enough I can get rid of most of them, but about 3 or 4 someone would have to come in with a chainsaw to get them down. As MANY things as I STILL DO, ANYTHING TO DO WITH A CHAINSAW is where I DRAW THE LINE! I do okay with my "pole trimmer/cutter" and most everything else, but the "saw zsaw" and any kind of chain saw I know I would never be able to handle. I've lost so much strength in my arms, hands, wrists, especially my right one, and my fingers, thumb and hand is so swollen it almost kills me to sit and type. BUT, I make myself, so I hope that they don't get even worse, which I need to go back to my Rheumy. 

The MTX is NOT WORKING. and in fact I stopped taking it as of today. I was taking it once weekly on Monday, but I decided it was not worth it, since it's not doing a thing for the RA. It is much worse in my hands, fingers, thumbs, and now my neck, and lumbar spine and hips are just "on fire" they hurt so badly. So, I hope we will try Xeljanz next, but I am not liking my Rheumy's NP at all. She is wishy washy and said that was what she would do last time I was there, and then went back to the MTX after my Rheumy had stopped it a year or more ago, at that time due to me having so many infections.  I NEED the cervical neck and lumbar spine surgery..

A great deal of my pain I feel is due to my spinal issues. But, there are times just like when Mom became so ill, I had to put off having those surgeries, because she needed me during those months. I could not have helped her, had I went ahead with cervical neck surgery, and/or lumbar sacral surgery. So, we do what we can do in life, and at times that means putting up with some unpleasant times, and things. Hopefully making the "sweeter" pieces all that much better!

Grieving the Loss of a Loved One BEFORE they are no longer gone but you are a caretaker due to a chronic terminal illness...

I've been going through a really "odd" (pr what I felt was odd) kind of issue since Mom passed away in June. I kept telling others that I almost feel as if I am "still in shock" rather than in the "grieving process" and all these weeks and weeks, I kept "waiting" for those signs to appear, and they have in some ways...

yet I have felt angry and almost ashamed of myself, for "not showing" grief in losing Mom... daily now for weeks, I keep wanting to "call her" or run over to tell her something, and even though I am there almost everyday doing the remodeling, this feels different... then of course I realize no longer can I "talk with her here", call to see if she is okay, and usually have my own set of "life's issues" that I could talk to her about... 

well after much thought about it all, right now I am dealing with a great deal of almost feeling like "her life was dropped in my lap" kind of thing, but, I looked it up, and as I've mentioned, I had been "grieving" the loss of my Mom for months and months way before she was "bedridden"... 

and didn't know me, nor even where she was or who she was... I had that "grief" daily, from moment to moment, it was every changing, depending on what was going on at that time, or on that day... thus although it still sounds horrid, when she took that last breath, I felt at that moment "relief" for HER... no more suffering, hurting, crying, diapers, and lying in bed, she was finally "home" with Dad, and her family.... 

so here is one article I just read and decided I would post it...for weeks now I have felt like I am just "insane" yet what I've been through and am going through is all a part of the process... 


https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/grieving-before-death-terminally-ill-116037.htm

My Daughter's Birthday was the 18th - Such an Awesome Daughter I have! COPING WITH LUPUS, RA PAIN IN MY RIGHT THUMB, HANDS, WRISTS, LOWER BACK NECK, HELL OVER MY ENTIRE BODY! BUT, somehow WE MUST CONTINUE ON... AS I TOLD MY PUPS THIS MORNING, I CANNOT JUST QUIT & TAKE A TIME OUT!

Amanda looked like a tiny baby doll when she was born. She was only 1 and a half inches long, and weighed a tad over 7 pounds. I wanted a girl so badly, and from the moment I knew I was expecting her, I KNEW she was a girl.

My son, who was 5 years before her, was just a little blonde (cotton headed) as they used t say, and small too. He started Kindergarten like only a week after Amanda's was born. It was amazing to have one beginning school and a brand new one at home! I've always been thrilled they were 5 years apart in so many ways. Amanda and Jason remain close and have as always. He was always the "big brother" who could watch over her, and they later in high school knew a lot of the same people, so when Jason and her left to go out on a weekend night, I knew he would watch over her.


Yet, it seems like just yesterday they induced labor with her.  I didn't have the certain "hormone" to cause me to go into labor with either of them, so they had to induce with Jason, and they just planned on it with Amanda. Now this was BEFORE the sonograms, and knowing what the baby was before it was born etc. Sonograms were only done then if they suspect problems, so with a "normal pregnancy" that was just not something they did.

My best friend from High School Carrie and I were expecting within 2 weeks of one another. They told me Amanda would be somewhere around the very last of August, and Carrie's little girl RaeAnn was supposed to be like 2 weeks BEFORE Amanda... but alas Amanda made her entrance into the world a bit early on August 18th, and much to our surprise Carrie's pregnancy went over by two weeks and RaeAnn was born right after Amanda by about 10 days or so. I can recall Carrie being frustrated that hers didn't come as expected and I had Amanda a bit early. Carrier ate enough Mexican Food to feed Ennis back then!!!!LOL!!!!!! She would eat anything Mexican 3 meals a day, every day of the year..... and I really did not have many "real cravings' BUT I could NOT STAND the smell of bacon frying or Joy Lemon Dish Soap, both made me sick to my stomach and even after I had Amanda, for a year or so, I could not stand the smell of bacon frying... and I NEVER got over the Joy dish soap.. I hate that smell even today after 31 years!!!!

I wanted to share that with all of you, and let you know I am still painting on "house #2" trying to get over there daily and paint. I have decided to "try" and move in over there in October... but that probably means me having to hire some people to help me finish up the paint, putting the fence up,  & of course the "list" can be endless...mainly finishing the inside painting and getting the floors in "decent shape" which does mean also I have to have new linoleum or something like that laid in the kitchen dining room, small bath and right at the front door entrance.

Right now there is an "industrial type" of carpet in the kitchen and dining rooms that is of course glued down, so trying to save the dining room would be a mess. The kitchen already had linoleum under it at one time, and the bathroom is tiny but I also "may" have to have some plumbing work done in the bathroom. The pipes coming into the bath through the wall to the commode are "rusty" and already leak a tiny bit. I know that even that floor at one time had been wet enough that Dad had to have it enforced when they put in a new commode years and years ago. So, I figure with what water damage might have been there and then when Mom threw a washcloth down the toliet (after she got so "bad" with the dementia) and I had to call a plumber I tried at 1st to unstop it, not knowing it was a cloth in there, but she over ran it twice at least until I finally locked it down enough she could not open that door. By then she could not even walk to the toliet and had a potty chair by the bed, but it also done damage to the hardwood flooring in the hallway by the bathroom... I am going to just do the best with it because I will have a carpet runner to go into that hallway, so it won't be that noticeable anyway... but I also think that old sink needs to go and be replumbed, plus if it CAN BE DONE, I would like to break up that old iron tub (which so many houses built around the early 50's had those iron tubs, with the porcelain over them... so that tub has lost about all of the porcelain, plus I want a shower only, that I could just step into, and have one seat in it... BUT, to break up that old tub with that small bathroom is a freaking chore!!! We did it in this house, and put my "big honkin tub/sauna/shower" in it... and I still love it, BUT hell I use the shower, and nothing else really...

I cannot sit down into the tub really or a may never be able to get out, and with it just being me now, it is really way too large for now how it is used... it really is a shame, because one of my reasons, was to use the whirlpool, sauna etc... for my joints and muscles... but by the time I have had all of the surgeries, the strength it would take me to sit down in it, then try and get back up, well I would fear being here alone, and not able to get out.... I still love that huge shower, tub BUT ALSO, IT is insane to clean... I keep it mostly clean since it is just me now, and I spray it down with the Daily Shower Cleaner, which keeps it dry, and it keeps me from having to scrub the heck out of it so often BUT, it still has to be cleaned, and it's a job....

I have to literally get into it, to be able to clean it properly, then keeping the mold and mildew out of it, I keep diluted bleach that I put around the places because certain spots if they stay wet will get to be a mess to clean.... so it takes work to keep it clean and free from lots of germs and so forth....LOL My DOGS probably enjoy bathing in it more than I do..I can put them in there, they have plenty of room, and I have my shower nozzle that I use so they kind of get a massage, then I can have them almost dryed off completely before letting them out... so that way they don't slip on the hardwood floors when they get out... they used to chase each other after a shower, and one time Tazzy accidentally fell going around a corner, because her feet were still wet and she had a hip that hurt her for weeks... so I have to dry their feet before I let them out of the bathroom...

NOW AS FOR ME........  I AM TIRED, I FEEL LIKE I AM ALWAYS RUNNING BEHIND... I HAVE MORE PINK, BLUE AND YELLOW STICKIES IN FRONT OF ME THAT I CAN EVER GET FINISHED WITH... I AM STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THAT ONE SPRAINED ANKLE... I THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER, BUT OVER THE PAST TWO DAYS, AGAIN IT SWELLS LIKE A HUGE GOOSE EGG ON THE OUTSIDE, DOWN TO MY LITTLE TOE AND UP MY LEG A LITTLE... I thought it was better.... hahahaha...

 I should KNOW BETTER!!! I NEED to have my pain pump upped, but I also need to see my Rheumatologist... neither know (well my pain doctor found out yesterday) that Mom has passed away, and that NO I am NOT OKAY, BUT I'VE NOT HAD THE TIME NOR STAMINA TO DRIVE TO DALLAS FOR DOCTORS APPTS~~!!!! While Mom was so sick half the time I "forgot" my 3 boluses a day for my pain pump SO it still has more medication in it than it would have had I been using it as I usually do.... but AFTER WATCHING THE PAIN MY MOM WAS IN.... I kind of WENT NUMB WITH MY OWN PAIN I GUESS... even when I SPRAINED BOTH ANKLES THAT SUNDAY OF HER VISITATION, I REALLY DID NOT "FEEL" THE PAIN.... but I WAS IN SUCH A SURREAL, AND SHOCKING SPOT, I JUST FELT NOTHING... MY PAIN, EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE HELL, SEEMED NON IMPORTANT.... Thus my reasoning for putting off my own Pain issues....

I AM BEGINNING AGAIN NOW TO KNOW I NEED SURGERY ON MY NECK, I NEED MY PAIN PUMP UPPED, AND WE NEED TO CHANGE MY RA MEDICATION OR DO SOMETHING BUT I just do NOT have the STRENGTH NOR WHAT I FEEL THE TIME... to spend on those things... like a couple of weeks ago, my Chiweenie, Bubs, broke a front nail on a front paw off below the quick... well it was MY FAULT... I always DREAD TAKING HIM TO THE VET... he usually puts up a fight, and we have had to muzzle him one time before... so I HATE HAVING TO DO THAT... so his nails get longer than most women's before I take him... and again they were way too long, and then he limped around for over a week because of one broken so far down into below the quick.... I finally took him in, and the last two times I've held him, and let the assistant just talk to him, while the Vet cut his nails, and we didn't have to muzzle him and in fact he did great.... so I was grateful and am going to try and keep it up and get them cut before they get TOO LONG!!!!



ANYWAY, LIKE NOW, MY OWN PAIN IS HORRIBLE... BETWEEN MY RIGHT HAND, THUMB, WRIST, AND THOSE JOINTS BEING IS SWOLLEN, I CAN BARELY TYPE, MY FINGERS GO NUMB NOW, THEY HURT LIKE HELL, AND THEN MY NECK SHOULDER AND LOWER BACK JUST HURT SO BADLY... IT IS ALL I CAN DO TO SIT HERE AND TYPE...


YET, as I typed in my Title, we cannot just sit down, and take a "time out" for many reasons... it is up to ME, for things to get done... whether I DO IT MYSELF or I HIRE SOMEONE... somehow all of what needs to be done, are things that have to be done, no matter the illnesses, pain and so forth....

One of the guys that was two years older than me died this past week! He was only 58 years old! By just looking at Sammy, no one would have ever suspected he had any health issues... I'm not sure exactly what happened, but my feeling is that maybe he had some type of cancer....

So, we MUST LIVE EACH DAY, EACH HOUR, AND EACH MOMENT LIKE IT IS OUR LAST!!!!!

Moving Forward.... thru the realms of Life, where it takes us, chronic pain, family, and all of the things we "learn" along the way..... Alzheimer's

They did not give Morphine due to Mom being allergic to Codeine, but Dilaudid instead and since I know more about that medication, I am glad they chose it. They also gave me "Ativan" that I can give her, and then a combination of meds in a "cream" that goes at the pulse points for nausea, agitation, and to assist in breathing... so far, Mom has been able to swallow just fine, but they gave me the Atropine because it may get to where she does have problems swallowing, and that is what is another part of the "comfort medications". I am able to give her the Norco just as before, she now has really stopped eating all together, which as they said was "normal"... and she still gets a dry mouth of course the medications themselves can do that, so she will drink of all things it is so funny, Mom never drank any type of "Cola's", or carbonated drinks... but when this first began, she wanted nothing but Diet Dr. Pepper, Sprite Zero, and sometimes Diet Pepsi.... 

so if she does tell me she wants a drink it is usually the Sprite Zero, with some water in it, so it is not so "strong" with the carbonation. I changed her a couple of hours ago, and got her all on clean and dry sheets, and a dry night shirt, and her diapers on, then they gave me some cream I put on the heels where the blisters were... actually the nurse told me unless they are "weeping", to allow them to "dry"... rather than put anything on them... so really the one heel is the only one needing much care... 

most of the other places where her skin is so thin, and like me, she has very huge places that appear almost like "blood blisters" but flat, and not blisters, just more broken blood vessels... and the Lupus causes me to have those... I told her that I had to look at those "new" types of diapers, because it has been so long since I used diapers on my 2 kids I was out of practice... LOL... and I told her that I wished we were at the Casino, and that everyone here online, and around town that knows tells me to say hello and tell her they are praying for her... but I try my best NOT to disturb her... 

I realize she "hurts" all over... and just even trying to roll her gently from one side to the other to change a sheet, diaper etc.. just plain hurts... so I give her the pain drops, and meds, and then I try to clean her good, but not put her through any more misery of being tossed and turned in the bed... and today she said "ouch" a few times, but I would tell her it was me, and that I was trying to do a "better job" that the aide as far as not making her hurt worse... and by the time I had her dry, cleaned up and gave her meds, she was asleep and peaceful again.... I don't know whether I should be "posting" this stuff or not, BUT it "helps" me honestly... have some way to "say" the feelings and emotions.... and then I am not so "frazzled" - thus the posts help.... my back is so messed up, I could sit in my floor, scream, cry, and gripe due to the intense burning in my hips and down both legs.... 

I may have to go to my pain doctor if I can next week and have him "up" my pain pump meds until I can get into surgery.... but we shall see.... As I said in another post, I continue to "learn" a great deal from those from Hospice, and I have a high and new found respect for the people that I have been in contact with so far.... they are definitely Angels... what a difficult "job"... that has to be.... Anyway, back to the sofa for me... I have to try and get my back to calm down a bit... I did not sleep well at all last night, and had severe nightmares all night long... so I am drained......

My Mom nd the Physical Toll This Horrid Disease has taken upon her in every way.....

 This photo I took Today May 7th, 2016 of her.

This photo I took at Christmas 2015 of her.

For those that do not know, this lady was able to do her own shopping for the most part, cleaning, cooking, and just getting out of the house when she wanted not but about 7 or 8 months ago... she went from 150 pounds to she weighs around 114 pounds now... so it is not just the mental and cognitive changes, it effects someone in every way possible... it is hard to fathom she is the same person, My Mom.... and that is sad... she usually does not know who I am, nor does she realize she is in her own home.

Trying to Contend with a Mom with Dementia and my own Body reeking Havoc over me... ( OH and looking into NURSING HOMES)

IT has been another insane WEEK for me! Mom would NOT really participate in any Physical Therapy, basically did not eat for a couple of days, would NOT get up, would not "speak" when I asked her what she wanted to eat, etc.... and FINALLY YESTERDAY, when she realized she HAD NOT TAKEN ANY MEDICATION for a couple of days, and HER BACK WAS HURTING BADLY, and that she needed to try and get up, let the aid give her a shower, change her sheets, finally woke up enough to eat, take her medications and so forth, so I got all of that taken care of, and I have been there every day, and several days I went twice. But, as I told her, when she lays there, and just ignores me after I have asked her about eating and so on, 4, 5, 6 times, and I continue to get no answer, (she is awake and hears me) she chooses to just not answer or she just says NO,

 I do not want anything.... I finally give up, tell her I need to get home to do my own house work, and my own things and I leave. Well, I got everything done, and said something to her, and she said, "Well, my daughter" has the same problems.. so once again she had NO CLUE who I was... and this "woman" she keeps talking about coming over is ME! She just does not know anymore most of the time that she is even at her own home, she does not know whether it is spring, summer,fall, winter... she has no clue what day it is, what month it is, refused to go to her heart doctor's appt yesterday, refuses to go see her own doctor, she claims she is not "strong enough" even with a walker to get there... 

which NO she is NOT because she stays in the bed most of the time, not moving, not eating, not drinking anything again but diet drinks... and some Ensure... and ALL of us have tried to get her to understand the pain is worse when she continues to not get up, move around, she is weak from laying there, not eating, not taking her medications unless I stand there and force her practically, and it is taking its toll on me in every way.... but I have just had to come to the place this week to realize that is NOT my "MOM" there, but just a "shell" of the person my Mom once was... 

her mind, and all is "not my own Mother anymore" and that is very difficult to deal with. I had to forego my neck surgery, which now my lumbar spine is getting worse, and even sitting here is causing my hips and legs to hurt and my feet to go to sleep from the nerve issues. My pain level just as I told her is HORRIBLE BUT I still HAVE TO GET UP, NO MATTER HOW BADLY IT HURTS AND KEEP MOVING! I cannot have the luxury of lying around, and doing "nothing"..... whom else will do it if I don't? Anyway, I "think" the main woman to evaluate her is supposed to be out today, but I have NO CLUE for sure if or when she is coming. So, I am trying to find that out. I am not rushing over there early this morning if no one is coming, because Mom will NOT be up to even know I am there if I go too early..... so continue to keep your prayers and thoughts coming... Love all of you, Rhia

BY THE WAY, I found out, that a "nursing home" can cost as much as 4160.00 A DAY after the 1st 20 days, so that means $12,000.00 a MONTH for someone to be in a nursing home! how Insane is that??????

Hopping Over the Hurdles of a small town, with no shuttle to Dallas to get there for surgery more on the Horrors of Dementia & A Parent

This may sound like a ridiculous question to many people, but what do people do like myself, that live in a small town, and have no really "close" relatives, and need to be taken to somewhere like Dallas to have surgery, or a procedure done, yet they don't have a "spouse", or anyone they can call upon to do so? Sure, if I lived in Dallas, I could probably find some type of shuttle service, or at the very least take a Taxi, etc.... but unless I am just not informed, I gather there is no type of shuttle here in our community that does that type of thing? So, are there people out there that will do something such as that, drive a person for a day surgery, or for a test of some type, or to a doctors office, that for some reason they are not able to drive themselves? We must have someone around here that does that and charges a certain amount to take you and bring you back home. My son can't get off work, due to him having been off himself for an arm injury so he can't get off this next week on Wednesday, of course my daughter is 8 hours away, my Mom, well even if she was OKAY, Mom could not even drive me across town when I had double pneumonia a couple of years ago to Urgent Care...

I was "too sick" to drive alone, so she came over, and I had to drive us there, and then drive myself back home, and I have no other "relatives" or people that can do something such as that. I guess it would be something someone in our area should consider. Because there has to be more people than myself that wind up in this situation. And of course even if I "felt like" I could drive home, there is no way, no how my surgeon would ever, every agree to that, especially it being neck surgery, and I will have a cervical collar on... Any thoughts from any of you? I know there is "Uber" in the larger cities, but I am sure we don't have anyone here that would drive anyone from Ennis to Dallas and then back to Ennis.... I've just about taken all I can...

I've put this surgery off, and thus that means my lower surgery has been put off also, and now my fingers are numb all the time, I can barely turn my head, and my lower back and legs continue to hurt like hell... I guess I am going to have to go and have my pain pump medication increased, which I did not want to do.... and then like today, I go to the market for Mom, I take food over for her to choose what she can eat, well, she never said a word, just mumbled a couple of times, "nothing" I guess it what she said... so I put stuff up, cleaned out the fridge, took out the trash, put up the clothes in the dryer, happened to have ran into the gentleman that does my Mom's lawn work, and found out she did no pay him from last time, so I told him to go ahead and cut the yard again, and I had to pay him for that... then I had to fold laundry, get her medications together for the next week, pick up her scripts from the pharmacy, clean up what she had left out give her a new glass of something to drink, take her an Ensure that was cold, and by that time, I went in 3 or 4 times, and she never said a word...

I had asked like 3 or 4 times about eating... so when I finished, I gathered up my stuff, and just came home. I am totally exhausted, and I got to thinking, I am a main, a cook, a grocery shopper, a car detailer, a trash person, I do laundry, I "exterminate" for ants, I vacuum, dust, sweep, fix her meds, make sure she takes her meds ... and the list just goes on and on,.. a bill payer... an accountant... chief, cook and bottle washer... and you know what... I am totally exhausted.... so I am headed to the sofa to watch a movie, and then will get dinner ready here in a bit... I am just so disenchanted with it all... and I "watch" and see everyone else "living their lives"... and mine seems to "not be of my own"....


Alas, I am just going to have to postpone it again, and I know my Orthopedics Surgeon's office is going to throw a fit. I've had to postpone it twice myself already, and he postponed it once due to some thing that came up for him. So, they also at times suddenly postpone at the last minute. But, I am just going to have to let his assistant know that this time rather than trying to "reschedule" in a month or two weeks etc... to wait, and I will call them back to reschedule once I can "set in stone" find someone to take me to have the surgery and bring me back. I do not want to do this again. It is difficult on them, and it is difficult on me, to feel "rushed and in a panic trying to find someone"...I even looked up in our area some type of "shuttle" service that may take me up there. I know my neighbor across the street goes in a shuttle frequently, but she is on dialysis, and I think they may take her to Dallas, but just a certain area. 

The only one here I can find, just does a shuttle in our county, and if I lived up in DeSoto or in that area, then the Star Transit could take me, but that is about 20 miles away... Anyway, I am going to have to make some very difficult decisions this week about Mother anyway. I am sick this morning, and the weather here is horrible. We were supposed to be "sunny" and no chance of rain... LOL... what a joke, the thunder and lightening woke me up around 6AM, and it is raining, and we have an electrical storm over us still. It is just a terrible day out there right now... I had to get the trash out to the curb and I HATE LIGHTENING... it struck my car one year while we were driving in an unexpected storm on a major highway, and it hit the antenna of our car, knocked it off and it literally FLEW over an 18 wheel tractor trailer, and it "stopped" the brain of my car! We were in a brand new car with dealer plates still on it! 

But it "reset" itself after about 15 minutes or so on the side of the road, but that was one of those "spring storms" that came up so suddenly we did not even have time to find shelter... we were fortunate enough to get under on overpass and had a truck driver in front of us and in back of us... and a tornado literally passed within a quarter mile or less right in front of us over the highway!!!! Cars were stopped for miles on both sides of I-35! It was a total nightmare! So, I am not a "fan" of any type of electrical storm or hail. I've had a roof ruined by that, windows knocked out in fact I still have a window that desperately needs to be replaced because it is just barely holding in with cardboard and duct tape now! But, I need someone to help hold the pane in place so I can get the "pins" in it to hold the glass in so I can put the glazing around it.... so again, until I can find someone to help, I am "SOL" as the saying goes....

 I was so totally upset over this past weekend, between Mom and some of the crap she pulled and said to me, and between not having any way to get to have my surgery, and my neck is getting worse... yesterday my fingers went to "sleep" on both hands and were burning and stinging, then by the time I got through the market, and got what I needed and picked up Mom's stuff, hauled it in her house, put that away, folded clothes and done everything there, put all of her trash out etc... then came home and had to put all of my stuff up, my hips and legs hurt so badly I wanted to cry! Now this morning, I woke up with a sore throat, and my glands are swollen under my neck worse on the left side... so I hope I don't have another infection...

I went over there this morning. She was "up" standing in her living room. No cane, no walker, and no emergency cell phone on her... so if she fell, there would be no way for her to contact me or anyone. So, I asked her what she was doing... and she mumbled "straightening" things up... and I just commented, well Mom everything should be pretty well straight.Then I went through the "laundry" list of things I did. I asked her if she had eaten... her reply of course was "No"... I went to put up some drinks I had gotten her, and there were items again in the fridge that did not belong, and she was just "fiddling" around with things, not really doing anything. 

I went and got her medication, put it in a small little cup, laid it on the table, and mentioned she did not eat yesterday and she replied, NO one brought me anything!...Okay, there I had been there the day before, brought in all of the groceries, asked her numerous times to eat or what she wanted, and I either got no reply or just a "no"... so I explained that I did come, and she did not want to eat, and she said I don't recall anyone being here... and I could tell, she was in "one of those moods"... so I finished putting up the drinks, and told her, her medications were on the table... and I said I see you must have things under control, so I am going home... and she looked at me and said. YOU have NO HOME!!

 I TURNED and replied Well, I guess I do, and that is exactly where I am headed... call me if you need anything. So, I shut the door and left. I am not feeling well today, I woke up with swollen glands under my neck, and a sore throat and the weather is cool today, and I was not about to stand there and allow her to "belittle" all of what I've done, since she just cannot recall what those things are... I called off my surgery and will reschedule a bit later in a month or so, once some things are not so messed up... but for now, as I told my doctor's assistant, until I can get a firm "way" there and back to Dallas for the surgery, and get someone to watch after Mom or see where all of this goes in the coming weeks, I did not want to reschedule, and then find out something is amiss again... Anyway, I am headed for the sofa... I just don't feel very well, and I just need the rest. I sure as heck cannot afford to come down with a "flare" or some type of infection right now.

Decisions - Of ME Wanting to Attend an Arthritis Conference, Neck Surgery two weeks before, and dealing with my Mom's Dementia and absurd behavior... at times... I need suggestions

My internet has been down most of last night, then I turned my computer back on this AM and I sill did not really have but "off and on" internet until about an hour ago... so I have stuff I have to do for Mom, BUT I NEED SOME ADVICE or some suggestions etc. Mom is of course STILL not the best... and even the "Home Health situation" IS NOT really going well, but because of HER - she does NOT want to cooperate with them, and if she will not allow them to do their jobs, then she will not get better, and I told her that yesterday... so she "acts" like she cannot get up, but I made her walk to the bathroom about 20 steps away from the bedroom yesterday AM...

 THEN she really would not eat much, so I had to go back over the PART TWO EVENINGS, and make sure she eats something... anyway, as you see below, I have this wonderful opportunity to get to go to Nashville to this Conference, and I am so totally elated... I applied for the "Travel award" a couple months ago, & never gave it a thought until I got a phone call last evening. So, that is going to be MAY 20-22nd - Friday thru Monday... and I am so wanting to attend... but I have to figure out a way to get someone to at least check in on Mom from at least Friday afternoon, thru sometimes Monday, one time a day will probably be fine... SO does ANYONE KNOW OF ANY BODY who does this type of thing? If you do I would love to have someone let me know who does, the expense etc... and I am sure that my pups will be taken care of by Samantha my dog sitter.... 

BUT I also have the neck surgery scheduled on May 4th which is just over 2 WEEKS after surgery... of course I will still be in a cervical collar for 6 weeks, BUT the only thing I see is to make sure I get up some, move around, and even wear compression stockings due to blood clots that soon after surgery... that sometimes riding a long ways in a car or in an airplane can bring on... and I apologize for "not talking" much this past over a week. I had promised to call someone and I have just been in such an overwhelming, overwrought, and almost "maddening" place emotionally, that I just cannot make myself talk on the phone at the moment. I really needed to straighten some things out in my own head, and think things through... lots of things happening, and needing to be done... so that is where I stand... any suggestions would be deeply appreciated! Rhia

More on Dementia, Your Parents, And the Extremely Tough Decisions to Make, When YOU ARE ALSO CHRONICALLY ILL and in CHRONIC PAIN...

(My firend Denise that I went to high school with is struggling also with a 2nd round of cancer of her ovaries I believe, and it has spread down into her thigh and presses on the nerves in her legs so she is also dealing with lots of drama in life )   -  I appreciate you so much Denise Tekell...(I am speaking of Lisa that I had lunch with yesterday, another friend from high school)  We both spoke about your struggles, and just how brave and strong you are. It is so difficult to watch someone who deserves happiness to have to struggle through despair that they don't deserve. And (this lady is a FB friend, but she is like a dear "physical friend who is right here with me at times)  Lourdes Villegas-Anaya even though we are not close "physically" you remain a dear friend also. You have also helped me through some difficult times, and I hope someday we can meet in person! I am still struggling with getting things settled for Mom, before I have the neck surgery. I have decided to postpone it until the end of April or first part of May. 

 

I thought by now I would have the Home Health Care and more of the things I need for Mom done by now. But it all takes time, and I am still working on some aspects of getting her people in there to help her, and to get this new phone that has an emergency button on it set up, and pray she can understand how to use it. When I had lunch yesterday my friend was explaining some things she went through with her Mother In Law and her having Alzheimer's... and now some of the things Mom does or does not do, begin to make sense. So, I now have more information that helps me to understand her reactions or actions at times. I went over there yesterday afternoon kind of later, around 3:40 or so. After lunch I had stopped at "Wally World" to pick up a couple of things, a couple of which I needed to take to her, and when I got to Mom's house, and opened the door... it was so odd, she was standing there by her chair, in a blouse that I have not seen her in gosh, in months. 

 

She always remains so COLD, and usually she had some "house dress" or gown on, and I've not seen her in actual "clothes" in a while. But, she did not have on any bottoms... And I asked her what she was doing, and in fact I had bought her a pair of Capri pants while I was out, because all of her clothes are much too big for her, so I got them and told her they were an "early" Mother's Day gift... but I don't know if she was "dressing" thinking that "we" were supposed to go somewhere and I just caught her in the middle of getting dressed or what. She never really "told" me why she had that blouse on, and I made light of it, and said "Mom you must have known I was bringing you a pair of Capri's that will fit"... anyway, I did not stay, it was getting later in the afternoon, and I had a few things to do at home, so I told her I would be back today, but I have SO MUCH to do for myself, and I need to wash her car, it is so covered in thick dust that it would be like mud if it got wet, and I have a new curtain rod she needs hung, and a new mini blind I bought, and all of those things take time, even with my cordless screw drivers... 

 

so if I go there it will be a full day plus in order to replace her Social Security Card she lost, I have to drive over to the next town about 15 miles away, to the nearest SS office in order to get the replacement. So, that is another couple of hours depending on how busy they are... but my lawn needs mowing, and I have clothes to wash, and my own house to clean, and need to get busy on painting a bedroom, the spare room... along with trying to get the outside of my own house painted... that is what I mean, and my friend said it herself, even her and her husband with her Mother in Law living with them, it was over a full time job for BOTH of them, and there is no way I can do it ALL myself, even with home health care... if she continues to go down as quickly as she is mentally, I may need much more help than I have now... and the decisions that have to be made are not easy ones at all. That is also what makes it so difficult, it is the tough decisions through all of this... 

 

I NEVER, and I said it a billion times would EVER put my parents in any type of "home" but if Mom continues to go down as quickly as she is, even building onto my home and having her here may not even be enough... that may not be the answer as much as I want it to be... so all of the decisions to make and the "footwork" I need to do, those are difficult issues to deal with.... so keep me in your thoughts and prayers... I need a "break" but I just don't know how to get one, and I need the surgery, but it just seems like now is not the time.... 

 

I recall when my Mom had to come to make the decision to my put Granny (her mother) in the nursing home. Even though Mother had a sister and brother (who have both now passed away) their health, and the size of their homes were not conducive with bringing my Granny to any of their homes after she fell, broke a hip, and the doctors said she could no longer live alone. But, my Granny was 92 years old and had lived alone from the time my Grandfather passed away of Alzheimer's and Lung cancer at the age of 77, so she took care of herself for many, many years, and if she had not taken that fall and broken her hip she may have been able to stay by herself a bit longer.  She had osteoporosis, like myself, the severe range which frightens me, so they feel her hip "broke" and then she fell... that the osteoporosis caused the fracture which led to my Granny falling. 

 

So, these truly tough decisions in our lives about parents or loved ones, are often times something we never "see coming" until they are upon us. I know that my Mom had been showing "signs" of Dementia/Alzheimer's for a long while, but it was not until the past 4 to 5 months that things went South extremely fast. That is why through my own research, and what I have been told, I feel this is not a "regular" type of Dementia, but one that comes on much more quickly, and takes its toll very soon. It is not like some types of Dementia and Alzheimer's that seem to come on slowly, and sometimes the patients may live for years and be able to function in a good deal of capacity before it really gets bad, but this is so very, very different than even my Grandfather, who had full blown Alzheimer's... this has taken my Mom from being able to do many things herself, just 5 to 6 months ago, to not even being able to turn on her oven, her washer, her dryer, know the month, date, time, and not understand MAnY things, and I feel she does not even recognize some items. Like she was telling me on the phone that the "phone" light was blinking, and I tried to tell her Mom because you are talking on it, the "base" light will blink in use... but when I got to her house, it was the alarm clock blinking because of a storm we had the night before had caused the power to go off for a few minutes, so it was not the "phone" at all. And she cannot recall the names of things, or of people, and now she tells me "YOU know it was "different' when I lived "over there"? And Mom has lived in the same home since I was about 3 years old! There is no other "over there".... So, unless she is talking about when she was still living  home with her parents, I had no clue where "over there" meant....

It is very difficult to watch a parent, or any loved one lose their capacity to manage things on their own, and especially difficult when it happens so fast... 

All I can do, is try to do my best to help her and support her, but I also have to take care of myself.

I should have that neck surgery next week, that I am having to put off again. I am not getting things in order quickly enough for her before I go and have cervical neck surgery that will incapacitate me for several weeks. And now, a few months ago, she would have "been able to understand and even maybe help me", but now, I don't think she even realizes what it means for me to go through this complicated surgery, or that I won't be able to life things, drive for a little while, that I will have a neck brace on for six weeks, and that many of my daily activities that I do at my own house will not be able to be done by me.... 

So, if you are in a situation such as this, and I know many of you are, please try and not feel guilty, or selfish, or like you are disappointing a parent or loved one if you must make hard decisions that you never felt you would have to, such as putting them in some type of assisted living center, or nursing home... it could be the best for you and them also... they need 24/7/365 care, and lots of it... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATES ON MOM, the Dementia, Home Health Care, MY CERVICAL NECK SURGERY COMING APRIL 13TH, and EVERYTHING ELSE.....

I wished my "mind" would rest, but I just cannot stop thinking about what ALL has to be done. There is so much to get done for Mom, but also my own stuff, it seems endless. To add to that, I have not felt the best myself, my night terrors are just horrible, and I have had a headache from hell now for at least two days. I know my doctor told me I had a sinus infection last time I was in, and he put me on antibiotics, but at night I wake up so stopped up I cannot breathe. I have to use some nasal spray, and then I can try and get some sleep, but I feel like I am suffocating. I know part of it is this stupid weather.... 

 

we have had NO winter, and now one day it is almost too hot, then the next, like yesterday and even today, it is very cool... it is sunny, but we have had rain for a couple of days now, so my back lawn HAS to be mowed before it gets too tall for me to do it with my new mower. But, our mornings the dew is so heavy it is like rain. So, there is no way to mow it, until later in the afternoon once it dries out.,.

 

I have to go and get Mom a microwave today, and I need a few things, so I have to go do that first, and then I guess I will try and get this back yard mowed... I am also trying to knock down some of the taller grass on my back lot before the city starts griping and then I will have to pay someone to come in with a tractor to mow it... I had gotten some of it down and then sprayed the weed killer on the weeds, so I had it kind of coming under control. Then of course it rained, and without the sun, now it is getting tall again, and I still have not had time to get the people that may get these bees out of that old piece of bus back there... so it will be hard to find anyone who will help me try and get that back "forty" as I call it cleared and cleaned up... I have so many dead trees, and limbs and the grass now is getting too tall, plus my neighbor never got all of his crap from the goats and chickens he had back there before he had to take the goats somewhere else... it was so nice with them back there they kept the grass, weeds and even all of the trees trimmed for me...LOL.. 

 

They would stand on ther back legs and reach up into the trees as far as they could and eat the leaves out of them, so even the trees stayed nice and trimmed back there... anyway, I hae been trying to do a couple of things here I needed to do at home, and now I am going to take my meds, eat some cereal, get dressed and go and see if I can get that microwave and pick up the other stuff I need... then I have to go over to Mom's and check on her... get her medications reorganized, and see how she is doing... she was in bed again yesterday when I went over, and I gave her some of her pain medication for her back, and got her the phone, some water, put some Ensure on the nightstand, and left everything that she needed and came home. I have not talked to her this morning yet but I had to apply for a new insurance card, SS card and her Medicare Card... somewhere down the way she LOST those in the past week or so... I cannot find them anywhere, so I got that done this morning... but I still have to go to the post office, with the form I filled out and her Drivers License and Birth Certificate to get her SS card... I thought I maybe able to do it online, and could everything else, but not the SS card yet... in some states you can order it online now, but TX is not one of them yet... anyway, thanks all of you... I need to get going... I HOPE TO BE A BIT MORE SETTLED TOMORROW SO I CAN CATCH UP HERE, ON MY BLOG, MY NEWSPAPER ETC...

 

I am so far behind on my advocacy work, blog, and everything... I am just frustrated I cannot find time to do my own stuff... and I am supposed to have surgery on my neck on April 13th!!!! I just do not know if I will be able to... if we get HOME HEALTH coming out for MOM by then, MAYBE I CAN HAVE THE SURGERY, but I MYSelF MAY NEED HOME HEALTH HELP AFTER THE SURGERY FOR A WEEK OR SO... I will be in a NECK BRACE 6 WEEKS! And I won't be able to LIFT, BEND ETC... until that begins to "heal" which takes at least 6 weeks for it to begin those BONE GRAFTS TO BEGIN TO ATTACH TO ALL OF THE HARDWARE IN THERE... OMG YOU SHOULD SEE ALL OF THE STUFF HE TOLD THE INSURANCE COMPANY HE HAS TO DO TO MY NECK... HE HAS TO TAKE OUT THE OTHER HARDWARE, AND TRY AND FUSE THIS OTHER DISC, THEN PUT IN NEW HARDWARE TO HOLD ALL OF IT IN PLACE... so this is really much more complicated than my 1st one.... plus my lumbar spine is giving me fits also, so I know I face having that surgery also... Hugs to all of you, Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"

Elderly Parents, Alzheimer's, Dementia, Falls, ER's, and so forth....

Please continue to keep my Mom, myself and family in your thoughts and prayers. Things are just getting worse. Mom was on the floor when I got there yesterday, she had fallen and had been laying there for she said 2 hours. She "thought" she tripped, but I am not sure that is what happened. Thank goodness, I had the paramedics come out, and we did take her to the ER to be checked over. She had a bump on her head, and was complaining of her neck hurting, and being of course "sore" all over... nothing showed to be broken, and she has a couple of bruises, and a couple of small "wounds" but nothing bad enough for stitches. This situation is just getting worse by the day. I was there on Sunday afternoon, and her medications once again were all mixed up. I had just had them all correct in the pill box for 7 days on Saturday. So, I got there and found Sunday, part of them "moved" around, and 3 or 4 days of them "missing"... I explained again, about that she cannot take 2 or 3 days worth of medications... or NOT take any at all. But, I honestly do not think she "gets" any of it. She was so "out of it" Sunday, I was extremely upset and concerned when I left there. But, I also was not feeling well myself, and I am dealing with my own pain pump NOT set correctly, and I am not sure what the hell is going on with my own pain doctor, but he was "off" himself week before last when I went in to have it refilled. He had the settings "way off" and I wondered why my pain was still so bad. I knew we had not gotten it all the way back up to the normal range that he old pump had, simply because we did not want to overload my system with too much all at once, but it is definitely NOT near being correct. Even the 3 boluses I take daily are set at 0.1 and should be (1.0)!!! So a HUGE DIFFERENCE... and I had been taking I guess my oral medications a bit more than usual because I have been compensating for the pump not being set correctly. Anyway, I go in this afternoon, but not until 2:30PM which is so late in the day to have to go to Dallas and then get out of there before rush hour and try to get home... plus MOM has STILL NOT GOTTEN ANYTHING FROM THE MARKET, and that is what I was supposed to do yesterday, until I got there and she was on the floor. Then I was really pissed at the ER. They NEVER CAME IN AND TOLD ME ONE THING. THEY REALLY NEVER ASKED ANY QUESTIONS OR TRIED TO ASK ABOUT OTHER HEALTH ISSUES, and in fact I DO NOT THINK ANY DOCTOR EVEN SHOWED THEIR FACE. 

There were two women, one of which I knew was a nurse, and she was not pleasant at all, and then another woman, who possibly was a physician but I did not know and she never said so. They did not ask me any questions, and I had left when they were taking her for the CT of her neck and head... the girl told me it would be 45 min to an hour before they would have the results, so I needed to run home, and check on my pups. 

I did not know I was going to be gone that long when I left the house, so they needed to be checked on. By the time I got back to the hospital no more than 25 minutes later, she was DISCHARGED and sitting in a chair, and they were trying to call me to come and get her!!!!!!! Again, no word from a doctor, no questions, nothing... they barely got a wheelchair to bring her out! And at the time all of this had happened at the house, she was not able to stand up by herself... so needless to say I am NOT pleased with anything I saw, and even the paramedics were not all that "pleasant".... 

I won't go into details, but basically I called the regular phone number and not 911 because I did not consider it a life or death emergency... Mom was talking, breathing, not screaming in pain, but she was not able to get up and she was complaining of her neck hurting... so I call the regular ambulance line... well when the paramedics got there and I met them outside, and told them she fell etc... and one of them said do you want to take her to the hospital? And I told him well if something appears to be broken, or she is not feeling well or in pain when you get her up, then yes, BUT, if she is able to stand up, or not complaining of pain then maybe I will not take her to ER but call her doctor... and he got about half smart with me and said well then why did you call 911? 

And I told him I DID NOT CALL 911... I called the regular ambulance number so if they from there made it sound like it was a 911 call I cannot help that... anyway, I did not get home until 4PM or after and I am mentally, physically and emotionally drained, even this morning... 

I have to get a home health care nurse set up to go out and see her when I am not there, or in between me being there, because I can't be there 24/7 and even though I go everyday, or call if I don't go, someone else needs to come in and check on her, her vitals, make sure she is taking medications properly, and so forth... I don't think she is eating properly... and there is just lots of stuff that is just not right, and this has happened way too fast... within 3 to 4 months she went down this quickly.... anyway, I have to get her stuff done this morning and then get myself to the doctor in Dallas this afternoon, and I hurt from head to toe... so again keep us in your thoughts and prayers.... Rhia

Deciphering "Alzheimer's", all types of "Dementia", which includes even Parkinson's, and many more...

Deciphering "Alzheimer's", all types of "Dementia", which includes even Parkinson's, and many more... A cry out for answers, as I wade through this monumental amount of research and searching I am doing!!!

 

 

 

I also would like for anyone that has dealt with a loved one, or someone close to you who would know about a "fast type of dementia" or Alzheimer's and so forth. This situation has went from mild "memory" issues, and forgetfulness, to telling certain "stories" I felt may not be entirely true. That was about 2 to 3 years ago... as I watched I began to see worse issues, could not keep up paying bills, making doctors appts, and many other things that were "off"... Then about 6 months ago, it went nuts....

 

 We went to losing 2 different credit cards THREE TIMES within a WEEK, not "recalling" how to put a car in "drive" or reverse, not able to turn on and use an oven that has been there and fine now for 12 or more years, either taking TOO MUCH medication, or like last week DID NOT TAKE ANY MEDICATIONS, stays in the bed till noon now, has not watched a television in 6 months and used to watch daily. 

 

Not eating anything healthy, just junk basically, cannot even make out a check correctly, fill in paperwork of any kind at all by herself, losing things, cannot remember after being told 7 times within an hour what the "day" was, which was Tuesday, plus that information is ALWAYS ON A CLOCK, WITH THE TIME, DATE, DAY OF THE WEEK, MONTH and even temperature on it. Never realized it was "time to change the clocks", suddenly cannot "dial my or no one's phone number correctly, most of the time), now is complaining and has been lately, of not just having issues with going "Number 2" toilet wise" but is "obsessed" with "toilet habits, and I "think" I am came to understand now, sometimes just does not know they need to "go", so there are now "accidents"..not going to the restroom when they should, cannot recall "talking to me" later on the same day she called me, and not recalling what she even said. Has no clue most of the time about naming "objects" or rooms, etc... at least 85% of the time... not recalling even the month it is... these are but a "few" of the many, many things I've seen over the past about 4 to 5 months with my Mom. And it leaves me with "all kinds of issues" that I have to get her to talk about BEFORE things are too bad and her memory is so much worse...

 

 I almost think I can add "hallucinating" maybe at times...I know a doctor told me that sometimes when someone has one of these illnesses, and they "forget", they just kind of "make up

" and fill in the gaps with something that can remember... so it will make sense to them and everyone else or is supposed to.... 

 

PLUS from another post of mine today! :) 

                                HELP NEEDED ON THIS also!

 

 

I have several issues going on, a NEW ONE is the Honey Bee's in this old piece of bus in my back forty, behind my house! They had built there before then went away, and now they are back again making a "hive" and swarming a part of that old bus. 

I also WANT TO GIVE that bus to anyone who wants to take it, and sell what is there for scrap metal. Plus there are lots of downed trees, or some that would be easy to get down, and some of it is pecan wood, so it could be someone may want some of these dead trees and limbs... plus I Know I am going to probably have to PAY someone to bring a small tractor in and mow that back "forty"... with all of the rain, and such, I've tried to knock some of it down, but now with the bees on one side, and as tall as the weeds are getting, even me with the weed eater yesterday, 

and got some down, some I have already sprayed with weed killer, and still I feel the city will be by wanting me to get it mowed down... so there is a large enough gate on the back of that property where a flat bed trailer, or small tractor can get through with no problems... I have some trees in my back yard, one in particular that needs to be cut down, again, several are dead, and I have gotten a great deal of the things off of it I can but I cannot reach much of the tall stuff, 

plus I don't want to try and stand on a ladder to try and cut more off of them.. so I really want to get rid of the bees and the old bus, plus all of those old trees and limbs, and get that back lot mowed where I can keep it under control.... PLEASE anyone YOU MAY KNOW, OR WILL DO THIS FOR A REASONABLE PRICE I WOULD APPRECIATE IT... JUST Message me here and we can go over details thanks, Rhia
 

 

 

 

Dealing with Eldery Parents who have Alzheimer's or Dementia, when you, yourself are dealing with Chronic Pain and Illness...

 posted this on my FB page, and I will put it here also... I will be doing some work on my blog, my book, my new newspaper I have began, as well as some other things around my home, and some thinking about life... and how to deal with some really tough issues.... I maybe "away" from FB for a couple of days. 


There are some things I really need to get to working on as far as this new newspaper I am staring. I can customize is a great deal and it could really help me with my blog, as well as with my books , and my next book...plus lots of my advocacy work...getting information out there that would really benefit many people and help make what I want to happen possible ( I Hope)...I have also had some new ideas for my 3rd book unfold in my mind over this past couple of weeks, and although I jotted some of it down, I would like to start writing on it, in the beginnings of the book itself.... There are also some "personal matters" that honestly came up this morning, mainly to do with all of this mess with my Mother, and at this moment I am totally at my wits end, I have no clue where to go or what to do, other than leave her alone, and allow her to figure out "all is NOT RIGHT in her world".... she really hurt me earlier... calls me well before she is usually even out of bed, wanting to know "why I had not called or been by"...

well for one I was there two days in a row, just yesterday for one, and besides she is usually never even out of bed until after noon time... anyway, she asked me what I was doing, and then she told me I was a "blabber mouth", and I should NOT be telling my own kids what is going on... well I tried to tell her the kids are NOT stupid, and they "hear and see" and then she says they are never here nor never call so how do they know anything? So, I hung up... well I called back about 30 minutes later, and began to tell her to NEVER call me a "blabber mouth" again... that it for one hurt my feelings, and for two was NOT the truth, so then she began to tell me that losing her credit cards, not being able to work her stove, put her car in gear, not pay a bill correctly, not take her meds correctly, not know why the alarm clock blinked etc "meant nothing" and why do I even "care"... it is in the past... 

and when I said MOM jut yesterday I WENT TO GET YOUR MEDS AND GO TO THE STORE BECAUSE YOU DID NOT FEEL LIKE IT... so it not in the PAST it is right now... and she made some snide remark oh well, when we get there or if we do, we will handle it then... well WE ARE THERE! And she cannot continue to live alone, and if I tell the doctors about the car incident and and a couple of other things, they will tell her she cannot drive NOT live alone! As I told her and "building you a room" takes more than a few days.... she began to tell me I was full of crap, and nothing was wrong with her.... so I hung up with Okay, I will not "bother" you again, I am NOT calling, I will NOT come over there, and "if" you need me, then call, otherwise, I refuse to be hurt and used like a doormat and then laughed at when I told her that her calling me a "blabber mouth" hurt my feelings... and she said "she never even called me this morning"..... 

so, I have LOTS of things I want to do and get done, and I honestly right now am so totally sick and tired of this crap.... that she may wind up in a nursing home, if she does not want to listen to me.... I don't know what else to do.... but I need to get some rest myself, and do some thinking about several things... so if you do not see me here much, I am okay, just "out of touch" for a few days....

Eldery parents,caretakers,your own illnesses,surgery,family matters, Humana and insurance,doctors offices and issues, and more...

 Life is not always  BED OF ROSES... but I would settle for a few soft petals for now...




I am so excited - My NEW CORDLESS Weed Eater Came in yesterday! No more trying to pull those heavy cords around the yard, and I can take this out into the "back forty" also. Plus it is really almost lighter in weight than the corded one, and certainly lighter than the "gas" one. I can't weed eat for any long length of time, but I did discover, as long as I take it slow, and take breaks fairly quickly in between, then I can do lots with it. I can't start my darned lawnmower, because I do not have enough strength in my arms anymore to pull it quickly enough for it to start. It sucks, because I just put almost everything new on it last summer. I put the new pull cord device on it, a new air filter, changed the oil, a new spark plug, and fixed the "baffle" on it that deflects the grass. So, I am hoping my neighbor who used to mow the lawn will still do so, and he can see if i did a good job in the "overhaul" I guess when it plays out on me, I may have to get one that is "push button" for starting or something. I no longer can pull the cord quickly enough to start those kind. Anyway, right now I hope "nothing else" breaks or needs replacing around here. 

I've got the surgery to pay for, a doctors visit tomorrow that will have to be paid in full right now by me... he is my PCP and the ONLY doctor NOT on my "preferred provider list"... Hopefully since Aetna bought Humana, (they are on Aetna's plan) finally it will come together and they also will be on Humana's also... it is so odd, Humana used to carry them as a preferred provider for years.... anyway, I am having HELL with the surgeon's assistant that is doing my neck surgery. I go through hell with them on insurance every time... I FOUND THEM AND CALLED NOW 3 TIMES to make sure his clinic is on the "preferred provider list"... and I have seen it and they told me AGAIN ON THE PHONE YESTERDAY, that they are on Humana's "preferred providers list".... BUT the doctors office said the insurance said that they are not... well the issue is they have it listed under their "clinic name" which Humana tells me that means "the doctor" is covered... and I even got a special number on the phone yesterday as a confirmation that he is a preferred provider that I faxed to the doctors office... anyway, I have a 750.00 deductible on any "non preferred" provider then the insurance will pay 60% of the bill anyway, and then I pay 40%... so if it comes down to it, once that 750 is met, I would owe 40% of whatever, office visits, etc... and sometimes that 40% is actually "cheaper" than the co-pay which now is 20.00 for a PCP and a specialist is 45.00 in co-pay.... anyway, between that, trying to get Mom all figured out as far as her medications, and so forth, making sure I have someone to get me back and forth to the surgery next week on my neck and I think my son will be able to, he has to check with his work, then I will be in a neck brace for about 4 to 6 weeks...

 I will be able to drive after a week or so, but being in that neck brace makes it a bit more difficult, plus my pain pump has to be refilled around the 18th or so.... gosh always something... I won't be able to bend over, so I will have to get "creative" in changing the dogs paper and feeding/watering them... the little one is so full of "pee and vinegar" as the old saying goes, LOL, I will have to be extra careful with him after surgery so he does not trip me, or make me do something to "injure" my neck for the first couple of weeks... anyway we have all of that going on, and some others things, with family going on... I think all of us are more stressed out than we can almost handle... keep your thoughts and prayers with all of us right now.... I know my family will appreciate it for sure... 


My daughter and her family are under a great amount of stress due to jobs issues... things are so up in the air with the oil and has industry, and her husband, my son-in-law has worked with that type of thing now for over 10 years... yet with the extreme drop in oil and gas prices, of course it is taking a toll on so many of the companies that have anything to do with oil and gas right now... It is wonderful for us when we go to the gas station, but a nightmare for so many who may lose their jobs, and so forth. Talk about a double edged sword... so I have her and her family in my heart and am concerned for them, as I know this is a difficult time for them also. He does not really know from one day to the next if he will have a job with the company or not, and after having that security, benefits, insurance and so forth for over 10 years, that is difficult to deal with.