Saturday is "D" Day for me (Discharge Day) from Rehab - Excited,Thrilled, Terrified, how to "move back" into real life yet knowing the Osteoporosis could cause further issues

Finally I knew that day was coming soon - the "D-Day" of my own life, discharging and going home from Rehab...

I've been asking "how much longer" now for months it seems; although it has been "weeks" and not months... Yet, after being told yesterday, I would be leaving Saturday, I felt a "good panic" and a "bad panic" in my head and gut.

I am thrilled to GET HOME! To my life, my eating, sleeping, and living habits, BUT I am still going to be limited as far as "what I can and can't do" - and that scares me. I am so used to doing my own thing, going to the market when I want, cleaning my house the way I want, messing around in the yard, caring for my plants, doing laundry, and all of the usual stuff, from vacuuming, cooking and cleaning, yet just now I figured out with this walker and going home, that even carrying a cup of coffee is not going to be the easiest thing in the world... trying to push that walker with one hand, and carrying the coffee was kind of "difficult". But, I've got to learn to "make my own ways" around, and hopefully I will be on a cane soon, where one hand will be free to carry some things...

BUT, on the other hand I am totally terrified to go home... since I left lots has changed just within a month tomorrow actually. I fell on the 13th of December and had surgery that night. I got to rehab about the 18th or so, and in the chaos of it all, I lost my precious pup Bub's who I feel grieved himself to death missing me. He was so upset for me to leave for a day, or a few hours, I think he just quit eating, drinking and laid on his favorite spot, and wasted away, waiting for me to come home. He passed away, and he had lost so much weight, I just could not believe it, when he died in my arms a couple of weeks ago. Peanut, is so much younger, so he has gotten used to Jason being there, and he so far seems to be doing okay.

I am going to be getting another puppy soon. But, first I've got to get me at the house and settled in. I need rails built on my front steps, and I need I feel a new set of steps built on the back. The concrete ones back there are so steep, even with rails, I feel they maybe too steep for me to try and bring groceries in, and so forth.

I never thought I would be one to be worried about being alone, but that is not because I fear someone getting in etc...I fear having an accident, and hurting myself again. This hip fracture was a total accident, but I am going to have to try and learn to slow down, not try and take on so many projects at once, and know that "tomorrow" on many thing is another day. After all, I face neck surgery soon, and possibly lower back surgery this year. I have that new car sitting there, and I am so used to doing so much on my own, waiting to have "help" putting on the plates, putting in the sticker and so forth, I am not one to put off something waiting on someone else to do it for me... So, my fear is my own restlessness. I also need to rearrange my kitchen where I can reach things that now are in the top shelves, and I must stand on my little 3 step ladder to reach. But, my kitchen cabinets are not all that great, and trying to arrange them will be difficult. Now I wonder if I should have picked Mom's house, maybe it would be easier to get around in... yet it is what it is and I've got to cope - I also know I am going to owe $$ on this damned fall and hip fracture, plus I'll have to cough up funds on the neck surgery, and lower back surgery also... so those in themselves are enough to worry me. My credit issues I spent 10 years or more getting straightened out from my 2nd marriage and all of the high bills he ran up maxing out credit cards, the last thing I need is to screw it all back up with doctor and hospital bills.

So, YES I am thrilled, and YES I am TERRIFIED to go home at the same time.....

As Usual NOTHING is simple when it comes to MYSELF and MANY others with COMPLICATED AUTOIMMUNE ILLNESSES!

                            DO COMPLICATIONS EVER END????

Once again, my autoimmune illnesses play a difficult part when it comes to my health, my life, and after something like a major surgery.

Many of you know I had taken a hard fall on my hardwood floor on December 13th - which led to 2 fractures n my right hip. I had staples in it, due to two incisions, but I had a rod and screws put in and did not have a complete hip replacement, which we hoped meant I would be home sooner. SO MUCH for that thought! I should know better by now to :"assume" anything I have done will be "simple".

The surgery, the rod and screws, which I got to see on an X-ray yesterday January 6th, are healing well. I had a complication with my foot, thinking it was fractured, but I found out I have a torn ligament, which probably began when I twisted my ankle back in June so severely, then the fall, in which also involved my foot being "hung up" and caused the fall, then probably tore that ligament the rest of the way, thus now my right foot is in terrible pain, when I am standing or trying to rehab the hip. I've had to learn to work past the pain in my foot, thus the rehab portion on my hip is going very well.

Even my orthopedic surgeon said yesterday, that in spite of my complicated health problems, I am doing extremely well, and past schedule in a good way, compared to what he thought I might be. He was telling his nurse, that due to my attitude and willingness to work with therapy, I am doing very well. Yet, between the anemia, the liver enzymes being high, and now this "hematoma" that developed on top of the main incision after the hip was repaired, I face another surgery this coming Tuesday.

He has to go in and drain the "grape jelly" as he called it, the blood that has accumulated like a huge blood blister under the skin, and put a drain in it, so we can get rid of the huge "mass" right on my thigh, that makes me look "deformed". He said in his report, it is big as a softball. WOW! I knew it was large but "softball size"? So, rather than GOING HOME EARLY NEXT WEEK, I face yet another SURGERY! So, that delays me getting on home and back to my life, as I wanted to.

It certainly takes the idea of my neck surgery that I need so badly, completely out of the picture, and makes me want to "run" if I could somewhere that not a soul could touch me, and just be totally alone, perhaps with my puppy, Peanut, and the new puppy that awaits me once I get home.

Here are a couple of pics of my new little boy

who awaits me: He is apart of what keeps me on focus to hurry up get well and GO HOME!!!! along of course with Peanut also a Fox terrier....

I FEEL totally CURSED!!

Most of u already are aware of my situation. Thank U ALL fir th well wishes, thoughts and prayers. When I am a bit more out of pain I will post more. Worried about my r. foot, think it may have a hairline fracture, so we may be going for another X-Ray This really put a kink in the holidays, and me having neck surgery. I will not be able to have that done now until the hip is healed more.... I am going to try and still write,blog, and do my advocacy work Again to you that have been so supportive to Amanda, Jason and myself - you guys and gals rock - guess this means my dream of snow skiing 1 more time in my life is over darned it..

Yes, this has been quite a shock to everyone to say the least. I WAS SUPPOSED to have cervical neck surgery BEFORE the end of the year. Last Tuesday, about 9AM or somy daughter, & I were on the phone talking. 

I walked out to the front porch, to see how"cool" it was outside & then walked back in the house & was going to step over 1 baby gate I have up between my Living room and bedroom. I have several up to keep the dogs out of places they just don't need be. I started over the gate & the toe of my shoe caught either the tip of rug out of the living room, so it is all hardwood floor right side, from my head/neck to my toes. 

It hurt so badly I dropped the phone & I WAS SCREAMING to the top of my lungs - I HOPED it was just sprained badly...but I got the phone , told Amanda to let me try and see if I could find out what I had messed up. I remembered that I had my crutches in the spare bedroom & also an extra rolling desk chair back there also. 

So, I put my heavy robe under me & was able to scoot a little at a time to that room. and then get up on the chair,grab the crutches & with my left foot I slowly rolled myself to the office.By about 2PM I KNEW something was broken but honestly I did NOT want to admit it. So, when the pain was unbearable 

I knew I had to call 911. I had no choice so, I made the call. Sure enough the CT& X-rays confirmed 2 breaks in my right hip. The Orthopedic surgeon , (Dr. Roye) who had also done surgery on my left shoulder & elbow, so he is familiar with my physical ailments. I can say this is the very last ordeal myself and my family needed- after losing Mom about 6 months ago.

 when it rains, it pours......