Sharing Life, Holidays, Up's, Down's, Reality, and Dealing/Coping with Holidays when You are Chronically Ill/Pain & have a broken heart, along with problems that follow....

First I share some "Good News" and Happenings lately in my life. After Losing my Pug, Tazzy here about 3 months ago, and she was a Christmas Present 14 years ago, from my "husband", (we are now separated) & Bub's and I, (my Chiweenie, who is 5) were really down and out about the holidays. My "body" really would not allow me to climb into the attic for the big tree and decorations, so I bought a small tree, and put 14 years of Sleigh Bell's, one for every year my husband and I had been together.

Then I and Bub's have been fortunate enough to have a brand new "fur-baby" addition to the family just this week! He is only about 3 months old, and his name is "Peanut". I've officially adopted him, so he is getting used to myself and Bub's, and we are learning to adapt to a new baby in the house! But, I think he is really the best "Christmas" present we could ever have, and I am so grateful he came along at just the right time.

I adopted him from a local non-profit here in my area called "Tales of Hope". It is all volunteers, who take the pups into their "foster care" until they find homes and owners for them. I am happy my Vet suggested I adopt from them, and so far it has been a very peaceful and simple thing to go through. He came and had a "house visit" for 4 or 5 days, to see if he and us were all a good fit, and then just a matter of a bit of paperwork, they take care of his puppy boosters, micro-chipping, and then neutering, in a few months when he is old enough... so we are happy he has joined us.


Here are some photo's I've taken, of them, of myself lately, and me trying to put "me" back together again, after my husband no longer here, and then of course we lost the lawsuit over the 18 wheel tractor trailer that RAN OVER HIM WHILE THE DRIVER WAS ON HIS CELL PHONE WITH HIS BROTHER!

Needless to say, I know I have told some of that story, but was kind of under a "gag" order until after the trial, which was the 1st week in November. You can imagine where that left myself, but much more than that my husband, who suffered MANY terrible injuries, of which left him partially paraplegic, without some of his "memory for things such as current", and harmed his concentration levels a great deal. All of that with the pain and suffering, from having his back basically broken in "two", with 9 fusions down the thoracic spine, and wired together... he has more "broken" ribs, that not, and a concussion, that they did not realize how badly it effected him until months and months after the accident. He is a web developer, designer, and has been for 20 years, and that takes a huge amount of concentration, and the ability to "hold onto" information as far as not only long term, but short term... which all suffered from the accident. So, without any settlement funds, he is basically not able to get health insurance, cannot apply for federal disability because he had worked for himself so many years, and made well below the amount to pay in social security. The job he had before then, he did pay in, but as we know, that has to be within so many "months" before you apply and he of course did not have those "units" before, since it has been years since he paid in from a regular job.


The pain and suffering harmed my own health of course, and he had been somewhat my "caretaker" when I had surgeries, or flares with the Lupus/RA, or was too ill. He did some of the cooking, running errands, going to the market, etc... and after the accident, he could not even walk down two steps at our front porch, much less walk in a store, drive, or do anything that required, bending, lifting, carrying and so forth. So, as any spouse would have done, I "negated" my own issues, as far as health, trying to help him heal, both physically and mentally... all the while I started getting ill with more flares, and just have one crisis after the other with my own health, and mentally of course I felt almost as if I had "lost" myself and him... I feel I was "grieving" over losing my own "health" and then to watch him change, I grieved over losing him and us.


I know in MY HEART AND SOUL.... THOSE PEOPLE on THE OTHER END OF THE LAWSUIT FLAT LIED IN DEPOSITIONS, AND ON THE STAND, I BELIEVE THEY "PAID OFF" THESE TWO SO CALLED WITNESSES, THAT I KNOW COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SITE OF THAT BUSY HIGHWAY COMING INTO DOWNTOWN DALLAS, I-45 THAT DAY! But, I KNOW SOMEONE USED THEIR MONEY AND POWER, AND PEOPLE TO LIE, thus we lost the suit...

BUT, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... IT ALWAYS DOES... AND SOMEDAY, they WILL PAY FOR THEIR OWN WAYS, in some form or fashion... we "never" have to take "revenge" for I've seen it happen too many times... THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE, are taken care of by their own misdeeds. We must just let it go... and "Let God".... I guess would be the proper saying.... How how, some day the "truth" will come out.... it may not "help" us by then, but when it does, it will effect their lives, and then someday they may understand just how horrible our lives have been, and what they have taken away from a marriage, a family, two people, and all we feel we "lost" within those seconds of that accident....


All right, so now I have that part out.... I am taking one step at a time, one breath, one "breath's space", and one moment, day, week... as they come... There is not much else I can do but either "give up"... or move forward... as the song, "too much time to make up, everywhere we turn, time we have wasted on the way, too much water moving underneath the bridge, let the water come and carry us away"  Crosby, Stills, and Young ...


And I have experienced so many wonderful thing in my life, things I felt I would never be able to do... travel by myself to states and states... move to a wonderful city and stay for 5 years, Seattle, snow ski at Wolf Creek Pass CO, see the beauty of Santa Fe, see a baseball game in Phoenix, make a drive all the way to Nebraska to meet a friend, to have many friends that are "miles away" but close at heart... publish not just one but 2 BOOKS, and working on this 3rd one.... dance, sing, play the drums, write music, play the piano and keyboard, go to college and get my Associate Degree, although NOT in the subject I wanted... run a "retail women's store".......see the ocean in FL, in TX (The gulf), the the Sound in Seattle, take a ferry to Bainbridge Island, see the beaches in CA, Go to Vegas, have many vacations I remember as a child with my parents, experience things I thought I may never.... BUT, STILL, I have so many more I want to do, to see, to experience, and of course go to WASHINGTON dc and "stand upon the White House Steps, and tell Congress how I feel about those in need with Lupus, RA,JRA, Osteoarthritis, and many more chronic health conditions....


My "hopes" are that my life gets back on a "new track", in a very good way beginning January 2016. My hope is that I can get back to my writing, and finish my 3rd book, and have it published. I also hope that I can find the "finances" somehow to get my home "finished"... there are so many "small" things that need to be completed, and without lots of cash, that makes it difficult to do. I really don't need a great deal of materials, and what I need is not all that expensive, but it is the "labor", and finding someone to come and do what "I can't do"... I can paint, sand, (have a new idea about my kitchen,bathroom, and laundry room floors that will cost a lot less)... I need some wall boarding put up in the spare bedroom, and in my laundry room. But, the most expensive thing I truly need is a new roof on my house. This one really is in bad shape, and I am very concerned about the Spring and Summer, and stormy weather... plus my entire outside of the house needs painting, which some of that I can do... it is the higher parts, where I have to be up on a ladder higher than I should be that I will need help with. I am going to try and put new "hog wire" fencing up around my back yard, and most of the posts are there, but I need some help getting a couple of dead trees out of the way, and then probably getting the fencing tight enough, plus this back 1/2 acre or so of land that is mine, truly needs to be completely cleaned up. I have a huge pecan tree that died and most of it is down, but it needs to go... plus some other smaller trees be cut down, and trimmed... then I have a piece of an old bus, that was here, when I bought the house, and it needs to be hauled away. It is old, an eye sore, and someone could probably take it with a trailer, and sell it for the scrap metal... so some things are more just time, others I need a bit of cash, and others are in need of assistance, and then of course the roof, that means about 5,000.00 or so....

So, my hopes are that I can stay well enough, to get at least "some" of these projects accomplished as far as the house, I can finish my book and get it published, can get a surgery out of the way I am in need of, and maybe two.... plus just find "myself" a new light, a new path, and follow my heart... go back to dancing, singing, listening to music, and doing what my "body" allows me to do....

My wishes are that YOU, shall also find your path, your light, and your "love" of what ever that may be, whether of the human heart, of a new job, a new place to live, or just doing some of the things in life we tend to put off.... and we never know if "tomorrow" nor the next breath will be here....

I am putting up some pics, and links of some of my "wishes", and my ow hopes for my life the comes with each step I make forward..... Honestly, I've spent way too many years putting everyone else "1st" in life.... and all of what I want, need, or wish always goes on the very back burner... and there shall be some that are not "happy" with this decision... but I am chronically ill, I have many health issues, and I stay in severe pain most days, and I feel like if I do not put my foot down, and begin taking care of ME... I will regret things later as I get older.....


I hope you find the courage to put "you" first... and put the things in life that are important to you, on the "front burner"....

#HAWMC WEGO Health's Writer's Challenge "How to "Smile" & Try and Feel Better Even Though Things are NOT as They Seem! How to Handle a "Bad Day"

I will attest, WEGO Health and the bunch, you have came up this entire month with some incredible "prompts"!


This is truly a great one also. 5 Tips to overcome" a Bad Day"!

I would venture to say (I guess at the moment I speak for myself), having chronic illnesses and Chronic Pain is almost something "negative" we live with daily. Of course some days are worse than others. We have our "memorable days". Those that we wished we could bottle up, and be able to open and have a sense of remembering them in touch, sight, smell, feel and thought! Of course all of us have those great memories. The idea of truly being able to capture them "hook, line and sinker" as the old saying goes could make them even more capable of giving over to the times when things feel like you are on top of the ever shaking mountain, and could conquer the world.

For me, I usually know very quickly, if I am going to have "one of those days." When I arise from bed, and everything hurts, I realize I have 3 or 4 doctors appointments, things my Mom needs done in that next few days, it is not sunny outside, OR it is HUMID and MUGGY; which brings on even more pain, that is when I feel like crawling under my bed, with my "granny blanket" as I call my favorite blanket with the silk on the edges, and hide for at least 24 hours, maybe more.

So, when things start off like that, I head to Facebook first, to find something "positive", "
funny, strange, thoughtful or whatever some friends have posted, that make me smile because they just have that ability. For instance, I have a dear friend who has a very busy
Fibromyalgia group. She seems to always know, when I need something to smile about. So, often times when it feels like I am "drenched from the fog of a lousy day" she has sent a "bundle of virtual flowers" and a small note to say "I totally get it and I understand". So, my first tip for "one of those days" is to "look" for something positive. If you have a FB page with friends who tend to find either positive things, pretty cards, or something funny to post, go and see if they have posted something. Usually if you scroll through the new posts, you will find one that just "fits" to make things feel a bit better. My next thing is that rather than allow all of that "garbage" to float around in my mind, I write down a list of what has to be done! Whether it is for just that one day, or for the next few very busy ones ahead, by writing them down on a list (I suggest literal paper and your favorite pen) rather than typing them out, making that list helps to put things into perspective. I feel I can better handle it all. I kind of purged it out of my thoughts by writing it on paper with my favorite pen (by the way, no one touches my favorite pen)! So, my 2nd way to make it a bit better is to write a list of what needs to be done, so you can kind of rid your mind of all of the stuff that is floating around almost eating at you.

My next thing I try to do, is take a look at the local weather. As silly as that sounds, once I have down a list of what needs to be done etc, then I want to know what to expect if I am having to go out and have things to take care of outside the house, the weather sometimes really makes a difference. Right now it is "thunderstorm, hail, high wind and possible tornado" time in Texas. So, if there is a 90 percent chance of thunderstorms, that are probably involving hail and high winds, then I decide what things I can do here at home done, and avoid going out in terrible weather. I know the day is only going to be worse, if I am fearing my new vehicle being hailed on, or going somewhere and having blinding, drenching rain, lightening and thunder all around. So, my 3rd thing to make for a better day is to KNOW what to expect weather wise. The weather makes such a difference "physically speaking" also. If I am already hurting, stiff, and feel lousy, then I see the weather has a high humidity, a barometric pressure that is nuts one way or the other, then I can "expect" the pain and stiffness, and "blame it on the weather" or at least partially know for sure, it is NOT helping.

Writing seems to be my way of truly ridding myself of the gunk in life that causes me great grief. So, my 4th idea is usually to write in my blog about all that is really eating at me, or post on Facebook, and ask my friends to keep me in their thoughts that day. Sometimes I just write and not post it. I hold onto it for a bit, to see if I really want to just rain pain down on everyone else. At times a post where I am griping, whining, fussing, and just letting it all out, is perfect for my Facebook page. When I can tell that others are also having a crappy day, pain wise or whatever, empathy goes a long way. Now, when I say empathy, I mean those people that REALLY understand what you are going through. Not the "acquaintances" that don't get it, because they are either not chronically ill, or have chronic pain. But, those friends who are often in the trenches of hell in illness, right along beside you. Or if you see there are other dear friends that are really having one of those days also, then I try and send a post to help lift them up. That empathy, can work both ways. If you are able to put aside your stuff for a bit, and tell someone else you totally understand, and you wished you could fix it, make it go away, or be better you would. Sending a little picture of something cute, or pretty, flowers, kids, beautiful scenery, anything that is positive and just can cut through that bad stuff for a moment, always helps to make me see, "I am NOT the only one having a heck of a day". So, writing and then also uplifting someone else can help me to put my own stuff into a better perspective.

Sometimes for me, since I love to bake, if things are really horrible, and I want to jump off the Earth, I go and bake something wonderful. Getting everything out of my face and out of my mind, and baking does that for me, can turn a bad day into "okay, I can deal". Then there are times, that I will just think to myself, pain or not, fatigue or not, do something constructive. I in fact have been having one of "those days" now for about 2 WEEKS! So, yesterday, as bad as I felt, I cleaned my house. I "swiffered" my hardwood floors, then I mopped them with my hardwood floor cleaner that smells like lemons. I got out my duster, sprayed some lemon dusting spray" on it, and went over pictures on the wall, around base boards, under the bed where all of those dust bunnies hide, and over some of my furniture etc. I am not talking a huge spring clean, but one where you can do just enough, that gives you a sense of you accomplished something in spite of the junk, and take a smell of just how "clean" and fresh your home smells. That lemon smell, or any type of citrus, just makes everything to me smell like a fresh spring and summer day. Plus, I could visibly "see" that my effort paid off. Things looked neater, cleaner, and I moved around stiffness, pain and all, which helped to take my mind off the pain, the stiffness and I got some exercise with it also.


Those are 5 that come to mind at first. Sometimes I just have to get out, and go walk. I may spend a half hour trapesing up and down my long driveway, ranting and raving to myself, about how life had just wronged me that day. Again, any way I can "purge" my mind of "the stuff the binds me" helps to turn a bad outlook around. Some days I take a drive to where my Dad is buried. He has been gone now 10 years, which seems impossible, but I go out there, and in all of the quiet, peace, the sea of colors with flowers everywhere, and I can quietly "talk" to Dad, there comes some peace of mind.  I may take new flowers to put out on his grave and my Grandparents. I enjoy doing that, so it helps to turn the day around also. When things are just ALL out of sorts, and I am dropping stuff, spilling, stuff, hurting badly, and everything I touch seems to turn into a huge mess, I give up, go set on the sofa with my two pups, one on each side, and chill to watch a movie. Having them beside me, and getting my thoughts off of all of the bad stuff, also puts me in a place of, "Okay now I can handle some of this stuff". Maybe I have some kind of small treat. A cookie I love, or a bite or two of a cake, pie, or something I've baked. Others I may go outside, hopefully with my gardening gloves and literally just pull the weeds, and stray grass from around my flowers. That helps to take my mind off of things.

The very best thing I can do, when it's possible, it try and just get completely away for a day or overnight. If I've had some really busy weeks, things have just been too hectic, too full of illness, doctors, medications, fighting with insurance, and there seems to be no end, then I get my Mom, and we go for at least a day visit, usually to the Casino in Oklahoma. We usually have "complimentary" rooms for a night or two. So, if time permits an overnight stay. As I had said before, being able to just totally get out of the house, of out of town, and away from all of the stuff that can just put you into overload, as soon as I pull into that Casino parking lot, and enter the doors, everything else seems so small in comparison. We are not much as far as gamblers, and usually play the "penny" slots, and my Mom likes the 25 cent slots. But, it is the people, we watch others and see how excited they are, or when you here the cheer from one of the tables, and know someone just did well, or just to relax and eat at one of their great eating places, and walk, walk and walk. The one we go to usually is now once again I believe considered the "largest casino in the world". I can attest to the fact, that a lap or two around the entire casino area in itself, not including the three huge hotels, and then the smaller one they call "The Inn", can give you all the exercise you need for a day or so. Plus there are no clocks, no windows, and with all of the sounds, lights, people, music and noises, everything else pales in comparison. I leave there still kind of in a "trance" almost. Even though it is only a day or one overnight trip, it can smooth the "edges" off of life's rigid times.

It will be interesting to read how others rid themselves of a bad day! I know WEGO Health keeps me busy, and they help to take my mind off of the "bad days" also.

#HAWMC