Polka Festival Pics, Kids visit was awesome, and sad to see them go, have to begin this "bone stim" tomorrow, holidays, and family... lingering fear over neck surgery & pain in my thigh from the hip fracture

Here finally is some of my pics from the parade for the Polka Festival on Saturday. The kids started home this morning a couple of hours ago. It gets more difficult to see them go every time. It seems like they get here and it's time for them to turn around and leave. I enjoyed having them, and was happy I got to celebrate Logan's birthday, although a bit early, it was the first time in a very long time that I was where I could be with one of them for their birthday's. I think Heather's would have been the last and that was when she was very little... but I got to be with them yesterday for awhile, and Saturday at the parade. I didn't get to go to the Zoo due to my neck still being in the hard brace, it was so hot and humid, in fact the whole time they were here it was hot and humid, but they enjoyed the zoo... and sometimes we will have to go back when they come up. I just hope we get to see each other much sooner...

since Mom is gone, it is much harder for me to be here .... of course Jason is here and we see each other a couple of times a week for the most part, but I truly miss not being able to watch the kids growing up. And I so wished I could be with Amanda more. We talk almost daily, but being with her is always so much better. We did get a bit of time together, but it seems we are always rushed, because there are so many people to see, and things to do while they are here... As they drove away, I felt the tears in my eyes, and I got choked up, life sometimes is not easy. After all the hell with my neck surgery, and it still does not seem "right" ... plus my thigh where the hip fracture was is really giving me hell, and I know I probably face more surgery soon on my lower back...

I just wished it would all go away so I could have my life back.... but we all have a path to follow, and sometimes it is just not easy... but we must do, what we have to... then Peanut bless his heart has not been feeling well, I noticed him scratching, and sure enough, even with keeping the lawn treated, and keeping him with drops monthly, he had a flea on him, so I've been trying to use "natural things" to get rid of them...

so between trying to mop with lemongrass oil, apple cider vinegar, and I put a little bit on him with some coconut oil, that seemed to also help the itching, he is a bit better this morning, and I am already exhausted from trying to be careful not to hurt my neck, yet vacuum with my small vacuum cleaner, and mop the hardwood floors... and wash everything in dry it as hot as I can.... a pain in the butt, yet with all of the rain, and now more headed our way, it will be a pain all summer probably. I've got to start the "bone stimulator"... but I think I will begin tomorrow. I want to get over everything else, get my clothes washed and get a bit settled before I began having to wear it a total of 4 hours a day, 2 at a time I can split it if I want... and I pray next week, a week from this Wednesday, the hard brace can come off, and I can drive then, and wear a soft brace.... Wishing everyone a wonderful Holiday!

And Kids at the Zoo!!!!!  

A Lesson In Life About Taking "time" to laugh, to catch up, and to be out of the "hellish" times so many of us have....

As I was typing out about having a lunch and it has been a long time, or being with an old friend from High School or College, maybe a job from your past, all of the hopes, dreams, plans, the "faith and hope that can move mountains" go with you, and in a small town such as Ennis, it never dawns on you that it maybe YEARS before you see those people again. Whether it is family, a friend, or whomever that was a "pat" of your life back then, all too often becomes "lost" in "life". We have "corners and curves we don't often expect. Things that were supposed to happen, didn't or they did yet something changes your path, and what you felt and thought would happen, is far from that memory in your mind. I know when I was in especially High School, I had a "few" really good friends. Due to the fact, that I felt "overweight" and I was a bit back then, and at that time Mom 9bless her heart not her fault because she was not taught either)... didn't know how to "fix" my hair, or how to put makeup on, and dress more in "fashion" ... I realize my parents did the very best they could, and I thought about that in the shower this morning. I was "fortunate"... 

 

I had a home, both parents, Mom never had to work, so I was never "alone" after school. Dad worked at the same place all his life from the time he was 16 when EBF was Ennis Tag back then... I always had 3 meals a day, I was always able to take a bath, have clean hair, and clothes on my back. Those were things that all too often we don't realize until we are older there were families that were not and are not that lucky. Kids that may have one or two meals, and those are at school, or go home to an empty house because both parents work, and they may not have food on the table every night, or clean clothes that fit them, or new shoes... and more so today, we have kids that go to bed hungry in this nation, in this state, in this county, and in this town... Anyway, what I am trying to get at, is that I did not realize just how "lonely" and "alone" I have felt now for months, and months, probably at least a year..

 

I have had to do my very best with what I know to help my Mom in any way I can... most of my time is spent either helping her, whatever that might be, especially now, she cannot even start her washer, or turn on her oven... and if I am not there, I am at home, with two awesome puppies, but they are "WORK" also... I love them and they keep me "sane" when my world feels insane....yet they have to have care also.... and then my home has to be cared for, whether it is daily things, dishes, sweeping, mopping etc.. taking my own medications correctly, and then the other things mowing the lawn, getting the house painted, getting the back "forty" mowed, and all of the "deeper" things we have when we own a home need to be done... so until I went to lunch today with a dear friend, I didn't realize just how "I have not laughed", I have not "smiled", I've not been with anyone my age, who understands my situation, and just getting to go out of the house away from it all, and have lunch was such a special treat. IT is almost like a Kid in a "candy store" for me... that is something I have not gotten to do very much over the past year... I had wanted to go dancing, yet I always "feel guilty", or I feel I should stay home with the puppies or not spend the money, even though I don't drink a drop, and that "old feeling" of "what if like high school" no one asked me to the high school prom or out on a date... none of the guys from school ever asked me out.... in fact my cousin from Mesquite came down and went with my to my Senior High School Prom, so I would get to go.... 

 

I still recall the dress I wore... LOL... but we get "lost" in "transition" of marriages, illnesses, families, jobs, moves, all of the "stuff" in life that as Seniors leaving High School never in a million years would have thought would happen in our lives... Our nation is NOT the "nation" of the USA that we knew back then, not many "towns" are "safe" like Ennis was back then... things move faster, and if you don't keep up, you are left behind in the stone ages, almost like my own Mother, who even before this horrible Dementia/Alzheimer's or whatever it is hit her, she knew nothing about cell phones, or cordless anything, or even how to put gas in her car... 

 

...all of the technology we take for granted these days, she has no clue of how to use a computer, or what the "internet" really is all about. She hears me of course, and knows what I tell her, but she has never had that experience... so we are "wound up" in a ball of "life"... and we often "lose out" on a "lunch date" with a high school friend, or a great conversation with someone you had not seen in years, or all kinds of "small things" that when the do happen, you "CHERISH" them forever. Age gives us a space, where we no longer "take so much for granted each day, or even each hour. We learn what was important 10 years ago, means nothing today... we take those "small times" and keep them locked in our heart, knowing life again can get us lost in "transition" once again... it is sad... but it is true... so TODAY, to be able to experience a smile, old memories, and make new ones, catch up on the years between, and laugh about some of the old happenings.... Today remains that way for me, as well as Carrie Wilson Taking time to take me for my surgery to have my new pain pump put in, .... I will cherish those times, that Denise Tekell and I get to talk for a moment in WalGreens, or run into an old friend you have not seen and be able to find out how things are.... those are the true things I know now I cherish... Laughter, people who truly care, someone that helps not because they have to, but because the want to, and I hope I can "take more time" for "me" to write, to do my advocacy work, to play with the dogs, to have a laugh with a friend, and not be "stuck" and "stagnated" in the "moments of hell on Earth" that most of us know all too well.... Rhia

Not totally "getting" Life & where it leads, where you follow, who is put in your life, who "walks out", & trying to Cope....

I didn't post this on my Facebook page... and I probably should.... because the way things are in my life now, Honestly, I do NOT give a damned who thinks what.... I lived MOST of my Life "stressed" over "who said what", and "what someone else thought" and the entire thing is ridiculous.... I honestly never cared if those that were "jealous" were... I never felt I had anything to be jealous over... I worked, tried to raise my two kids, had a "modest" home in a small town, and there was not a thing for anyone to ever think I had that was worth being hateful, spiteful, and "green with envy" over.... I had my "Dad's" personality, and I never met a stranger.... I was nice to everyone, did not matter, male or female, yet out of every "boss" I had that were women, they all just could not stand my "way" around people. It was ridiculous, because each and every one of them, had more than I did, one was married to a lawyer, and had a job well over my head, ah but after "firing me" a 6 years employee, that was told my the ER doctor to stay home, a few months later she lost her job... and that happened several times.... their own "greed", "envy" and so much of their "life" spent making me and everyone miserable, yet they got theirs also.... and I never had to do a thing... just go about my own business, and allow what was to happen... happen...

But, I "lost" a dear friend... that I talked about in my last post... I had not seen him in years, and as I have had time over the weekend to think about it, I am still saddened and at a loss .... why him? Why did it take me so long to find out? Why did someone not tell me? There were not a great deal of "people" that knew about him and I... we kept it that way on purpose... we never "hid" our friendship, and I often visited him where his family business was, which was a restaurant in a nearby town, and I lived not far from there back then... So, it was never a completely hidden relationship, but we just preferred the times we spent together listening to our favorite music, and bands, and having a beer, and talking, laughing, without any distractions, without any "gossip", oh but I am sure there was plenty of gossip, I just cared NOT to listen at the time... "we" knew what we had, and that was good enough for us.... there was a respect, we treasured those times, and tried to see one another when we could, but he worked a lot, or he had other people, friends, family, and at the time... neither of us thought about "more"... what we had together, was "more".... I've had time to remember those times that I would "pop" in on a weekend, maybe a Saturday, or drive by and find his truck at home, so I stopped, or even time he was not home, but I was always "welcome" to be there, even if I just needed somewhere to get away, from all of the "crap" of my life back then...

I was and still am "angry" at myself, for not trying to contact him... I should have, I am not sure he even knew I was back in TX, and had been for a long time, just down the road a bit... but I had "my life" and lots of it during the past 13 or so years, have not been the most pleasant, plus, I guess I was "busy" with my own issues and trying to find once again a purpose, other than being SICK! With all of the "illnesses", the autoimmune problems, the surgeries, the scars from knee replacements, a shoulder replacement, finally my "pretty teeth", that were and are not "my teeth" yet they are pretty... just not the way I thought it would be...

So, after much thinking about it all, I am posting this Obituary, and what bit I could find about him... I think it is the very least I can do, for someone who was and had remained near and dear to my heart... and this morning as I listened to Brooks and Dunn, and recalled how much we loved all of their music, and how many nights, we spent dancing to those right there in his living room, I feel I must post what I know  - now.... and I hope to find out more, I would like to know what happened to him....

Ronnie Blackwell
April 19, 1957 - June 10, 2011
Former Corsicana resident, Ronnie Blackwell, 54, left this world June 10, 2011 to be with the Lord and Savior.

He was born April 19, 1957, in Corsicana to William and Corrine Blackwell.

Ronnie graduated Corsicana High School and attended Navarro College. He also served as a member of the Navarro County Peace Officers Association and Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Organization. Literally growing up with the restaurant concept, Ronnie devoted many years of his life to continue the legacy of the family-owned business developed by his mother and father. Bill’s Fried Chicken and Cafeteria always remained a large part of his life.

Along with his interests in animal welfare and golfing, Ronnie was a Texas Longhorn fanatic. He devoted much of his time and energy by showing loyalty to support the “Burnt Orange Nation” football program.

He is preceded in death by his father, William “Bill” Blackwell.

Mr. Blackwell is survived by his mother, Corrine Blackwell; two sisters, Carol McCrory and Barbara Cantrell; two brothers, Ricky and Steve Blackwell; in addition to many nephews, nieces, great-nephews and nieces.

A memorial service will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday, July 16, 2011, at Griffin-Roughton Funeral Home Chapel with Bro. Floyd Petersen officiating.

Should friends desire, contributions may be sent to the SPCA of Texas.

Arrangements by Griffin-Roughton Funeral Home, Corsicana.

Let The Water Come and Carry You Away....

I had posted a long post last night, and for some reason FB lost it! I know better, usually I make sure I copy them before I hit the "send" button.... but the jest of it was my thoughts yesterday about our lives, especially mine at this time, being like a "river".... we go through so many different aspects, changes, sometimes we feel they are not so great, and often we don't really grasp the "why's", when, how of life. I had really found comfort last night, in thinking about my life, and once again it evolving, revolving, and "flowing" forward... most rivers never flow backwards... thus once the water has flown under that bridge, it will never go back... such as life... once this moment is over, it is done... finished... just as by our "Higherpower" said about the "7th" day of Earth... "'tis finished"... and was also know ass when all happened as it did on the "Mountain" once his Son has passed away, again, Tis Finished.... I am not trying to "make" this about "religion" at all, but those events for my own personal self remind me, that I am in this place, at this time, for a specific purpose... why things have happened as they have I don't truly know... some I've had an "open heart to" and it seems I've found a "new vision"... I am seeing my own world, and all the world with new eyes, along with a new mind set.... no longer shall I "blame" myself for what I have no control over... we cannot control actions that we can't control.... we can't "make" or not make someone else do something, we cannot change the weather, or stop the rain from falling. We cannot stop Mother Nature" and even though we can gripe and moan about it, it is just as it is... and as is supposed to be...I really wished I had not "lost" my post from last night.... it was a "Revelation" for me... and the way I worded it was what came through my heart and mind so clearly... but again I also "can't" control Facebook either.... SO, what I will finish this with, as I go and get ready to attend church again this morning is - one of my very favorite songs.... the lyrics "fit" so well, and it was THE SONG I heard back when I was 21 years old... that on a fateful night CHANGED the direction of my "flow of life" forever. Had the events that happened that night, happened any differently, I may not even be here, or I could be "lost" in a sea of horrible demise... so the song.... the lyrics... - "so much time to make up everywhere you turn, time we have wasted on the way... so much water moving underneath the bridge... let eh water come and carry us away...."   We often "lose" so much of life, time, thought... by "wasting" it on the things we cannot control.... yet if you allow those waters to flow... underneath that bridge... it will certainly carry you exactly where you need to be... love you guys and gals that support me so much... Rhia


Wasted On The Way Lyrics

from Greatest Hits [ORIGINAL RECORDING REMASTERED]
"Wasted On The Way" is track #14 on the album Greatest Hits [

"Wasted On The Way"

[Intro. (Acoustic Guitar and Electric Piano)]

Look around me
I can see my life before me
Running rings around the way it used to be

I am older now
I have more than what I wanted
But I wish that I had started long before I did

And there's so much time to make up everywhere you turn
Time we have wasted on the way
So much water moving underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away

[Instrumental (Fiddle)]

Oh, when you were young
Did you question all the answers
Did you envy all the dancers who had all the nerve

Look around you know
You must go for what you wanted
Look at all my friends who did and got what they deserved

So much time to make up everywhere you turn
Time we have wasted on the way
So much water moving underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away

So much love to make up everywhere you turn
Love we have wasted on the way
So much water moving underneath the bridge
Let the water come and carry us away
Let the water come and carry us away



Read more: Crosby Stills Nash - Wasted On The Way Lyrics |

Perfect comeback #HAWMC Wego Health Writers Challenge April 13th 2016

I have to say for the most part, I don't have many people that are "on my back" about what I do, don't do, should or should not do, when it comes to my chronic health conditions, RA, Lupus, Sjogren's, Raynauds, heart problems and the list continues.

There is one exception to that although. Mothers have a tendency to be "overprotective. It matter not if the kids are 2 years old or 52 years old. For them, a Mother is always the protector. So, my Mom I must say would be the person that I am constantly having to give a "perfect comeback" to when I want or do something, and she feels it is harmful to me, or could make my conditions worsen.

So, when the subject comes up about I should not do something such as do light yard work, or gardening. Or a good one is always how upset she gets when I must drive to Dallas to see some of the physicians there. She feels I should not "drive" that far (35 miles one way), and of course he concern is more about the high amount of traffic in the larger city, than the mileage.

My "perfect comeback" for many of her needless worries is that "if I don't drive there, or I don't do the light law work, or go wherever she feels I should not especially "alone" I ask her who will? She is 80 or going to be in August, and in all honesty, she can't even put gas in her own car. My husband is parpalegic and he is not allowed to drive at all, and would not be able to if he even thought he could. Both of my grown kids are a very long distance away. Especially my daughter. She is about 8 hours away. My son, although closer is still far enough away, that he can't simply drive down here anytime I need something, or need to go somewhere, he has his own life to deal with. We have no "friends" that can do any of these things. So, if I don't clean, cook, take us to doctor's appointments, pick up medications, make sure clothes are clean, the trash is out, and the list of course is endless, then it would not get done at all. Do I like it that way? Of course not. Before my husbands accident a year ago, he was "my caretaker". He did some of the dinner cooking, could run to the market if I was not feeling well, and even though I still did many things, when it came down to it, errands, groceries, some of the cooking, etc. he could do. Which took a huge load off of my own shoulders. Now, it is no longer that way. He can walk, but not far, and not without a cane. He is not able to drive, he can't bend over, his balance is very impaired, and so forth, so "me" is the only "person" I have to depend upon.

So, usually whenever my Mom, or anyone that knows me well enough to ask me "how I manage it", or "should I not be doing a certain thing"; my answer is usually just as I've said. "If I don't take care of all of these things, then how do they get done, and who shall be able to do them?"

For others in general, I let them know, yes, I have several very "silent" but serious illnesses. But, I do listen to my physicians who all know the massive amount of "stress" related things I have to take care of. If it comes to a place that I get too ill, then I am just on the sofa, for however long that is (last time while my husband was still in the hospital I had double pneumonia) and was down for about 8 to 10 days. I've had pneumonia again since that one, and still I was down for about 5 days. Those are the times, that some things just don't get done. So, I let people know that I am fully capable of taking care of things for the most part, and those that either feel I should "not" do what I do, or those that feel since I am doing everything, that maybe "I am not all that ill"... I give them a quick reminder about the "spoon theory" also. That is one of the best ways to also explain to people about how much you do, why you do things in the manner you do, and when that days "spoons" or whatever you may want to use as an example run over, then I may have to "borrow" from the next days. Then I "catch up" when things are smoother.

It is never easy to explain your "invisible illnesses". But, for those that truly know just how ill you are, it is never easy to explain to them, you also can't just sit down on the sofa, and allow yourself to "wallow" in pity and despair. Life moves forward, and that means I must do so also, even on those days that I may feel I just can't take another step.

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