Excited, Thrilled, Disappointed, Upset, Mad At Autoimmune Illnesses, and sometimes just upset with life in general - Not able To go to The Arthritis Summit next week!

I've not said much to anyone about my current situation with the autoimmune illnesses, pain, the severity of pain, a headache now that just won't go away, and all of the stress these autoimmune illnesses have caused me over the past month.

I always know, for ANY of us, plans sometimes change within a day! When you have a chronic illness and/or chronic pain, every day can be a challenge! WE can have our "great days", our "good" days, our "okay" days... and honestly it seems more days that it is SUCKS! These illnesses completely destroy our lives as far as whatever normal is.

They take us by the hand, heart, body and soul, and sling us around to the 4 corners of the Earth. We never know if we will land standing up, or sliding down that damned steep hill, with the rocks, twigs, gravel, and all scarring if not our "bodies".... our minds for sure.

I realize that "autoimmune illnesses" are NOT the ONLY diseases that are chronic and hit us in a haphazard way of life. But, they tend to be really good about waiting until we have some awesome plans scheduled, then totally ripping them to shreds within a breath's space.

I've been fighting with what I have felt was a Lupus flare now for weeks. I've also come to the place I MUST get these bottom teeth, "implanted" and anchored down. It is way overdue, and it is causing me to have all kinds of stomach issues, since there is so much either I can't eat, or I can't chew properly, thus I either avoid those things, or try to eat them, and almost choke, or they go down half chewed which is horrid for my stomach.

So, I knew I was facing a possibility  of not being able to go to the Summit with AF next week, which SUCKS big time, since I am one that made a "Platinum Ambassador" and should be there to represent all of us that had that honor, and be there to do what I am supposed to and that is to get those in Congress, "educated", "on-board" "possibly involved in the Arthritis Caucus" and backing the Congress people that are in the Caucus.

Plus I feel it is also my duty to lay out the "agenda" for AF 2015, and the things we need and hope to accomplish, from the issues involving now our "state" representatives, more on the realms of the DOD and the role in arthritis for our men and women that come home and develop these illnesses, to getting research out there in a more advanced way, and to "teach" ALL, public, government, professionals, the medical world, caretakers, patients, ALL about how "arthritis is NOT ACCEPTABLE" for anyone to have to live with.

So, to NOT be able to carry out what I feel is my duty to do, has really put me in a tailspin of hurt, worry, and let down. I feel I've let down the AF, the Ambassadors, and let down everyone who has stood beside me all last year no matter what helping me to see, even though I felt I was not doing enough, I was doing plenty, even when I felt like I wasn't.

Now I have developed something as of day before yesterday, that came on very sudden and hit me like a brick wall. I am not sure if it is a bad flare, or what. But, between a headache that is the WORST HEADACHE I have ever had in my life, that will NOT GO AWAY...my strength is none, I do well to walk across the house, I am freezing one moment, burning up the next, and I am in extreme pain from my head to my toes.... I feel as if someone has beat the literal hell out of me with a baseball bat, then ran over me with a car a couple of times. From my thumbs, all the way to my head, and all the way to down my toes, I HURT! A very DEEP BONE ACHE, that is relentless! Plus I ran low grade fever all day yesterday, and this morning, I can tell my body is fighting the fever, because I feel so damned lousy... I am hot one moment, chilled the next, cold the next, sweating the next... and our very HIGH Humidity is NOT helping it at all.

Anyway, I honestly am not up to sitting here, so I will close this for now, and explain more over the next couple of days.

But, I DO INTEND on doing EVERYTHING I CAN FOR THE E-SUMMIT!, and posting to social media and so forth as the AF storms Capitol Hill on Monday and Tuesday! I wish all of them luck, and hope it turns out to be an incredibly awesome Summit!!! Go Get Um!!!! I will be there in spirit....

Biosimilars! The future of much more affordable medications for Autoimmune and Arthritis Illnesses, as well as others.... A Texas Bill to be Passed

I wanted to share with my friends about a very pleasant and surprising phone call I received yesterday evening. It was from the Central Arthritis Foundations (Texas area) Senior VP. I have the honor of meeting her last year at the Arthritis Summit in DC, along with several other incredible people! Each have touched my life in so many ways. She was talking to me about the Summit, plus we have a "bill" in the Texas legislature about "governing" over the "bio-similars" here in our state. Rules to make sure patients get these when they are available, for the reasons why they are being made, which is expense, a major factor for patients. But, the bill is to protect the patient, the physicians, the pharmacies, so that things run smoothly, and patients get the "alternative" if available and if that is what their physicians deem to be okay for them. Anyway, we are having some of our Texas Arthritis Advocates go to Austin next week, and "testify" in front of the legislature about the bill we are supporting, and so forth. If you are here in TX, and these medications will some time in the future apply to you, someone you know and so forth, I wanted to let you know the number of the bill, so you can be familiar with it. It is Bill Support HB 751 / SB 542. OF course the biosimilar medications will definitely be a huge thing for those of us with autoimmune illnesses, arthritis illnesses, as well as other diseases also. They will be something that can help many of us get medications we need, but at a lesser price, which makes them available to many, many more of us. As we go along with this particular bill in our Texas Legislative body, you will see it come up I am sure along the way. It is one you will probably want to keep your eyes on, and we hope we have all the support we can here in TX, in order to get these medications to our fellow Texans as they become available. So, I was invited to go to Austin next week and "testify" in behalf of the AF. I am not sure as of yet, if I will be able to make the trip. I missed Pam's email I believe due to of course "spam" filters, so the original email didn't get to me. She resent it yesterday, so I am looking over the information now, and if things work out, I may consider going down to Austin next week to go in front of the legislature in support of getting this bill passed. I am excited to know over these next 10 years or so, we will be seeing hopefully MANY more of these types of medications, that will save patients billions of dollars and also allow them to have them much more affordable. I wish everyone a good weekend. It is dreary and appears as if we could almost have thunderstorms. The humidity has to be 100% PLUS!!! Insane for sure... from one extreme to the other... and between my own joints and pain, Jim's issues since the wreck, and even my two dogs... I saw them struggling somewhat with "stiffness" and some pain in their joints too. I will "post" more about this bill on my blog and the information on it so you can also do your own research!

HERE IS THE WORDING TO THE TEXAS BILL :

Support HB 751 / SB 542
To Allow Texas Pharmacists to Substitute Interchangeable Biological Products,
Help Remove Barriers to Lower Cost Drugs and Ensure Patient Safety.

What the legislation does:
HB 751 / SB 542 updates the Texas Pharmacy Practice Act.

Provides Texas pharmacists with the ability to dispense safe and less expensive biologic medications to patients, by allowing substitution of an FDA-approved interchangeable biologic for an innovator biologic brand product.

Current Texas law does not allow pharmacists to substitute any biologic drug products; therefore, pharmacists will be required to obtain advanced approval from the prescriber before they are allowed to substitute an FDA-approved interchangeable biologic for a brand name biologic.          HB 751 / SB 542 removes this hurdle.

The current pharmacy practice act has specific rules that must be followed to ensure safe generic substitution of traditional drugs. HB 751 / SB 542 updates these laws to include a similar process to ensure safe biologic substitution. Biosimilars are expected on the market in 2015.

Assures that only FDA-approved “interchangeable” biologic products may be substituted without prior prescriber consent. This is similar to substitution requirements of generic substitution.

Retains the authority of physicians to call for Dispense as Written or DAW. This is identical to the authority they have with generic substitution.

Ensures pharmacist communication with the patient about the substitution, in the same way they are notified about a generic substitution.

Because biologic products differ from generics in complexity and are not identical chemical products, HB 751 / SB 542 ensures there will be transparent communication between pharmacists and prescribing physicians to ensure the patient’s medical record reflects which specific product(s) have been dispensed. This information can be relayed after the prescription is dispensed to alleviate the need to wait for pre-approval, as current law requires.

Why support HB 751 / SB 542:
HB 751 / SB 542 recognizes the growing use of interoperable electronic health records and electronic prescribing records, allowing such systems to be used by a patient’s health care team to communicate regarding a patient’s complete medication history.

HB 751 / SB 542 will streamline the substitution process by allowing pharmacists to substitute an FDA approved interchangeable biologic without first seeking approval.

HB 751 / SB 542 will increase access to lower cost drugs for patients. Biosimilars are forecast to lead to a $44.2 billion reduction in direct spending on brand-name biologics from 2014 to 2024, according to the Rand Corporation.

We are among the Texas patient and provider groups that have studied interchangeable biologic substitution and agree with the principles for safe substitution included in HB 751 / SB 542. Please vote yes!

HERE IS the information from the Arthritis Foundation and some of the other organizations supporting the bill.

Anticipating the 2015 Arthritis Foundation Annual "Summit on the Hill"!

A dear friend of mine that I met in fact at last years Annual Summit on the Hill by the Arthritis Foundation had posted and asked me if I had filled out my "Travel Award". Well, yes I have, and as I told her, I had made "Platinum Ambassador" thus I believed it was my "obligation" to come to the Summit. Of course I would try to go whether I had made that or not. My entire world evolved around that Summit last year in March. I had in fact "won" a Travel Award, after putting my application in at the very last moment. I felt I had probably missed out since I was so late in even knowing about being able to go by getting a "Travel Award". So, by the time I filled out my paperwork and emailed it in, I feared I would be too late. But, within a few days, I received a "glowing email" that I had in fact been granted a Travel Award to D.C. for the Summit that took place and does take place each year around the 24th through about the 26th of March. I will never forget how much I got out of the Summit even being my very first time there, and just how much more I wanted to be a "better voice"... activist, advocate, blogger, writer, and then I wanted of course to be an Ambassador for the AF. I was not sure I would be able to get enough advocacy work in to make "Platinum" especially after my husbands accident, but I was SURE I would give it all I could in between everything that took place for those months following that fateful day in March. I've played it over and over in my mind. I have spoken about it numerous times online, and in person. I've written about it, blogged about it, and still to this day, at times it feels almost surreal.
It is almost impossible to believe all that happened at that time did. What is more impossible to believe is that the entire ordeal with the wreck that Jim went through, the months of hospital and rehab after that, and then months of outpatient rehab, the red tape that still goes on and on with the lawyer, and all of the fighting we have done to get him into physicians etc... it is truly a night mare. Maybe that is truly why I have night terrors almost every night of my life. There are not many nights that I don't wake up and I cannot breathe. I am "suffocating" in one way or the other in the night terror, but I am also in real life having massive problems breathing. Most nights I am up, trying half asleep, half awake and still almost in a dream like state trying to find my inhaler and the nasal spray, so I can once again breathe. It is crazy insane, but it is so very, very true.

I've done a good bit of research on night terrors, and of course the amount of stress from the accident in itself is enough to send me into a frenzy. When you add in my own health problems, and the fact that I have had to endure a great deal of my own pain once again, and the entire situation with my teeth, or no teeth now, the full set of dentures... of which the bottoms STILL will NOT stay in place, thus I am still not eating as I should, and by the end of the day, I just want to take the damned things out and throw them across the lawn into the street and say to hell with all of it. Of course the issue of also having "complications" which for me, what is new, yet they always seem to surprise me... of which involves my sinus cavity on the right side... and it is the maxillary sinus passage, which I have already been told, that I need to have repaired, I am sure has sometimes a great deal of reasoning behind my night mare like breathing problems. But, when you are facing another 7,000.00 PLUS out of pocket since you can't get a damned dental plan worth a flip, OR as this should be paid by regular Health Insurance, because a "chronic HEALTH Illness" is what caused me to lose my teeth in the first place should pay a portion of it. But, I have fought "tooth and nail" (no pun intended)... and I have just gotten way too weary to fight them anymore about paying any of it. Of course now, I changed insurance on January 1, thus you can believe that makes it entirely impossible to get either one of them to pay a dime ....

There is "after the fact of me already being out thousands" a "non-profit" that is for dental issues, mainly caused from autoimmune illnesses or cancer patients. But, there are way too many people needing the help versus the dentists and oral surgeons that will try and help out of generosity and not expecting either to have lots of people that will help.

Baylor dental college in Dallas also has certain things students do, while the professors and doctors watch, but you will much pay like 278.00 just to walk in the door. Then the 78.00 is a "fee" non-refundable, and the 200.00 is to apply towards care you are given, or if they can't help you then you get the 200.00 back. I know I went there to have my 4 wisdom teeth cut out all at once. In fact I was newly married, and my Dad drove me up there and home. I looked like a chipmunk with a full mouth of acorns for over a week. But, they charged a great deal less that having that done in a regular oral surgeons office.

As I leave behind so much "sadness" and "darkness" from 2014, I am trying my best to hold onto 2015 being a positive year, full of prosperity, not just financially, but more in the "domain" if you will, of getting things accomplished. I am trying to stay as far away as I can of thinking about all that took place in 2014, trying to look as each day a new one, that can mean much more as far as my writing, my advocacy, my activism, not only online, through my blog and writing, but I hope to be more involved in trying to find a way for my entire community of Ennis and Ellis County to become knowledgeable about the Autoimmune Illnesses, their symptoms, their lack of being able to be diagnosed, and to educate those that are surrounding me day in and day out right here, even as next door neighbors. I've come to see as of late, that there are MANY people that have some type of AI disease, FM, CFS/ME, Chronic Pain, right here that I could help, if given some assistance on how to go about starting an "awareness campaign" locally. We are SO LACKING in the understanding of Lupus, RA, Sjogren's (boy this one we REALLY NEED some understanding on), and MS... Raynaud's, Diabetes 2, autoimmune arthritis, autoimmune psoriatic arthritis... and the list goes on and on.

In fact, just about the time I was finally "diagnosed" with first MTCD & UCTD.. that turned into RA, Lupus, and the Sjogren's and Raynaud's was showing immediately when the MCTD first became the "name" of what was going on with me. There were two gentlemen (which is rare in the first place for men to have AI illnesses) both of them around the same age, both going to the church we were going to at that time, and both had Grave's Disease. What makes it even more unusual is men for the most part don't have "thyroid" issues either. Usually women have more of a propensity to have any or all of these illnesses and disorders.

So, right there being in a Church, with two guys, both almost the same age, both having Grave's disease was enough for me to absolutely know we had a much larger group of people with autoimmune illnesses. Both of then underwent treatment and both were "cured"... put into remission. My understanding is that once Grave's disease is in remission, that is permanent. Unlike many of the other AI illnesses, they "can" go into remission, but more than likely you will undergo swings of "active" disease symptoms, and then inactivity, yet there are no real "cures" for any of them.

That is why for me, I really would like to find a way, with the help of some of our community leaders, to get a group, or some type of monthly, weekly, however... crowd in a "face to face" type of environment to help them further their knowledge about their own, friends, or loved ones AI illnesses. I also would love to help people and physicians in "learning" how to talk about these diseases, along with how to talk about medications, side effects, long term "goals" or what to expect from having an AI or more than one, and what that will do in the years to come. Will more medication be needed, will hopefully there be more research, and possibly medications coming out? All of the questions that either patients themselves feel it is "wrong" to ask, or for the doctors who honestly are not as well versed on these illnesses, and how they address them to their patients. This includes all medical staff. From the person who answers the phone, to the nurses, lab techs, doctors, and other staff ALL of them need to be very well versed in these dreadful illnesses. For one thing, you maybe "well" and feel fit as a fiddle one moment, and within hours be severely ill and need hospitalization. Often times there is not a "warning" of impending AI and their flares. They can come on within moments, and you don't even know what hit you until it has. Unlike the flu, a cold, and other illnesses where you can certain "symptoms" like a forewarning of being ill, AI's can "attack" at any time they please.

So, when I call my PCP, and the girl that answers the phone is either not aware of my patient status OR she may not know about a "flare" of Lupus... she may insist that I "come in" and be seen. Well, sometimes that is a necessary... but at times, depending on my symptoms, my doctor may allow me to fore go the trip to the office for a visit, and just come in for a corticosteroid injection and a script for a high dose tapering down 14 days round of Prednisone.

Well, as I said, if the woman that answers that phone is "new", and so forth, I may have to make an uncalled for trip to sit in that office, to get the exact same thing I asked for. So, I've exposed myself to other illnesses, especially in the Winter. I've also wasted the doctors time, my time, and caused some other patient who truly may need to have been seen, to wait for a day. So, it is truly unjust for everyone. But, if whom answers the phone either knows me well enough, OR they understand the workings of come of these diseases, he or she may already be on top writing a note, taking down the information so they can talk to the doctor BEFORE making me come in for a totally uncalled for trip.

So, there are many involved in all types of health care that should be very "up" on autoimmune illnesses, diseases, symptoms, medications, and all that wrapping them up in neat newspaper, with a bow around it.

The very latest of challenges that many of us have had to hop over, or will trail and error finally get something nailed into the heads of the medical professionals, far and wide.

Interestingly enough, the UK tends to be "up" on the latest and greatest when it comes to being the leader in new medications, clinical trials, and finding out more than just about anyone around the globe. Often times I've noticed that Britain may have a "pilot" medication in the works. As soon as it is approved by the Brit's, you can bet the USA will be setting for us to jump up, and get to scrambling together researchers, grants and funding, clinical trials, and all on the band wago. What happens often times with a situation such as that. If the "CDC" of Britain signs off on a new medication, it means that the "medication" we put into the hands of researchers here that is basically the same, may not have to cost as much and those types of medications and treatments are sometimes able to be "fast tracked" into production. So, that is great for our economy, great for the Pharmaceutical companies, patients, doctors and so forth, because it gets here, and gets the door, helping to ultimately save lives...which ALL are great events when it comes to those with chronic autoimmune, incurable. painful, night mare diseases.

As 2015 "rolls in", I am hoping it allows me to try and "roll on through" with this blog, with the Ambassador (Platinum) work, and all of the other activist activities I so want to participate in.

Wish me luck as I am preparing to once again try to write the "Ultimate Book"... and get it published. I am also working on the more "fun" book, that will include many of the TX "sayings"... different words and how they tend to have different meanings in the South and in TX.. and many of the what some might call "odd" traditions we engage in here... in the Lone Star State!

Working on a back ground graphic for the top of my Facebook page. I want to include the URL back to here. Often people may not bookmark a page, or like even though I post a "link" back to my blog in the posts, it may get moved down several slots, and then people may not be aware of how to get back to my blog...

Ennis Daily News Local Paper Arthritis Foundation and Myself - Article

After lots of jumping through hoops due to out local paper having new people coming in, I got the article about myself and the Arthritis Foundation in and published this past weekend. I didn't realize it was printed, because "Rhia's Law" if it will happen, it will happen to me... I didn't get my paper thrown that one day, out of ALL days, that one day I didn't get the paper as usual. That NEVER happens usually....


Anyway. I will thrilled to see it, and also thrilled to hear one friend of the family who told us about it this morning at the doctor's office, which is how I found out that it had been published!!!

I went straight to the paper and picked up a copy, and when I went into the market, I had several people stop me and say they had seen it in the paper over the weekend!!!!! Which made it even better!!!!!

I am kind of upset that they "shortened" it a bit, because it was longer. But, I think due to the fact he had left it out, and it had not been published when I first sent it to them, he made sure he got it in immediately.

Again, I owe so much to the Arthritis Foundation and especially to Laura Keivel, who has truly made me feel that I have found "my voice" in being an Ambassador for the Foundation. "The Lord Willing and the Creek Don't Rise" as the saying goes, I hope to be back in DC, for the Annual 2015 Summit on the Hill, in March again. If at all possible I plan to be there every year my body, my mind, my spirit, and everything involved allows me to...

Catching Up!!!!

There is a great deal for me to "catch up" on as far as the blog. Many of you also read Facebook, and I had posted a bit there, but I want to try and post here, then put a link to it on FB all the time.

I finally have my teeth completely gone, and a set of beautiful teeth, like I have wanted since I was 15 years old! They are "fake", BUT hey they are beautiful. So, always as they say, watch what you ask for. :)

I will be about 90 days out before the "mini implants" go in and the dentures are modified to go on those. Thus instead of the bottom one especially wanting to come out, they will stay in place, not rub sores on my mouth etc. Don't get me wrong I love them like this! I can finally smile!

Jim is slowly improving. We are having all kinds of heck getting him a couple of the doctors he needs that will take the "insurance" he is on. As far as the "wreck" it is in "litigation" I guess, well heading that way, with both of us giving depositions a couple of weeks from now... and then it is just depending on the other parties involved how long before any type of decision is brought to us... So, we shall wait and see... I DO KNOW that a couple of the parties involved have NOT cooperated AT ALL! To not one certified letter, to no visits, to nothing, and I am not sure they have even said they will come to their deposition times. So, again just a waiting game.

I have been so thrilled with all of the things going on in Arthritis.org! I have been taking all of the classes to be an "Ambassador", and the last one is next month! That is when we are told we are "accepted" or not, and also if there is anyone who qualified for the "Platinum Ambassador" title. So, between emailing my Congressmen, going to a Town Hall meeting yesterday in fact, and so many things I have done to help the cause.... and made some incredible "friends" and met some awesome people along the way.

 I have a couple of other projects I am working on, trying to clear my schedule, so I can get back to what I know and love, besides advocacy... my blog and writing.

I will definitely try and get back tomorrow, post more, and give you more information... we have an exciting election coming up and much of this that is involved is for "We" the people, thus we need "The  People" to get up, go down to where you cast a ballot and VOTE! Griping about it, making small or large talk about it won't fix it... it has to be YOU AND I... all of us getting Congress, Senate, House and the President and Chief of Staff, along with ALL of those that are in politics and are supposed to be representing us! So, get ready, because that is going to be my mantra for the rest of the next coming months!!! GET UP, GET to the VOTING place, CAST YOUR BALLOT - called  VOTING! Believe me even though we may not think so, OUR VOTES DO MATTER!! WHETHER ONE OR MANY, THEY DO COUNT!!!

(Part 3) My "intuition" was right... it just never ends... I feel as if all my life will be one big ball of a foggy brained, Autoimmune RA/Lupus/Sjögren's and who knows what else of a disaster...

Part3 - How many Opinions does it take from who many "Physicians" before you feel at ease? Peering into the Looking Glass of Autoimmune Illnesses, and deciding where to begin.... and where to END? 

Can you put your "health" in the hands of those that are supposed to be "educated", who have been through testing, who have taken a "vow" to  - "Do No Harm?" - and these days what does that small sentence truly mean.... "Do NO Harm"?

Trust... Trust who? Well from what I've experienced over the past 3 to 4 weeks, I am not sure who is the real insane person around? The doctors, the insurance company, me... or whom... but I do know NOTHING is getting better at all.

I called my pain physician's office yesterday. The pain that has decided to plague my body for a 3rd time in about 18 months has reared its ugly head again. I tried to tell him last week, when my medication for the pain pump to be refilled was NOT THERE! It was sitting in some office in Phoenix AZ! So, I go without my "extra boluses" so I do NOT run out over the weekend and the pump start "beeping"... and run out before Monday. I had already been "hurting" worse for days before that. Given the fact that I was NOT given my biologic when it should have been given, then surgery, then not being able to do anything for 6 weeks because of the surgery, then I got sick and was ill for weeks, turned around and low and behold the beginnings of not just ONE flare but TWO! RA and Lupus! Then another 14 days to try to get SOME KIND of BIOLOGIC the insurance WOULD pay for, and then waited for the prior authorization that went to the wrong pharmacy. So, that all had to be redone and sent to the proper place. All the while I knew my body was in the stages of rebelling. I felt it each day getting worse. Worse to the place, that once again I could sit in this floor, scream, cry, and beg... but that would not do a thing, but cause me to hurt worse.

So, after NO call back from my pain doctors office yesterday, I knew something was "wrong"... where his head is, and why after going through ALL he has watched me go through. Knowing my extreme health issues, or supposed to be knowing them, I get a call from his "nurse" who is a jackass anyway. I already had issues with her a couple of months ago over NOT getting my medication called in, before I ran out. Well, today was the day for me to call it in. When she called, I knew something was up. She goes on to tell me, that my doctor is calling me in some.... and he thought it would help with the "inflammation"... Well red flags went up everywhere... so out of my mouth came is it an NSAID? She paused, said wait a moment, and of course came back to say yes, Well, right back at you NO! Now this doctor has been seeing me since 2008, knowing ALL of my issues, and he knows I've had not just ONE heart attack but TWO! That is NOT including the GERD and all of my stomach issues. So, why the hell he became so "weird" about all of a sudden NOT upping my pain meds for a month is beyond my capacity to understand at this moment. After ALL he has watched me go through, and also portions of this beyond my control, their own crap with my medication not being there, thus I had to cut my meds "way back" for like 5 days... I already was in severe pain due to the entire biologic stuff... and now all of a sudden, for no reason, he decided to try to give me an NSAID? Hell, I would BE ON THEM, IF I could! I just looked at the phone as she said, well, I will call your other meds in Monday? What the hell? I am supposed to run out Monday, and they MAIL THEM FROM DALLAS! She knows that she cannot wait until the last moment to do that. OMG, I was ready to explode! Conveniently, he is out of the office "today". mmmmmm, he always is when you "need" something. I am still just blown away by his attitude, and I had even picked up on it, when I was at the office both times. Something at his office seems "off" now too.

What the hell is up with doctors all of a sudden? I've never seen so many weird changes of attitude, of how they treat their long term patients,  and the plethora of "lack of caring"... that I've witnessed in just three weeks.

Honestly, I trust my OWN judgement at this moment. more than I do several of my own physicians. I get the impression that their "realms" of health care have just about flown out the window when it comes to any patients who are on Medicare, Medicaid or a Medicare Advantage Plan. I've said it once, twice, and three times, plus... the government has their fingers so tied into all of it, that doctors cannot possibly do their jobs taking care of patients, all the while either the DEA, FDA, Medical Board, Medicare, Medicaid, other insurance companies, the government as a whole as ALL breathing down their necks.

I believe at last count, I've seen and heard at least 5 or 6 articles about "bad pain medication" in just the past week. Everyday over the course of this week there is yet another "gripe", whine and bitch about "pain medications" and addictions. Let me tell you right now, unless you have walked for ONE DAY, hell ONE HOUR in the severe amount of ever growing pain that myself along with so many of us deal with, you cannot imagine what that feels like, You cannot imagine in any way shape or form, how your entire body feels like it is a hot burning coal of fire.... from the tip top of your head, all the way down into the bottoms of your feet.

Then let's see. You have a job, you need to go to work. You need to take care of your home, your kids, your LIFE! HOW can anyone stand up and "deny" something for someone that they know will IMPROVE their quality of life?

The saddest thing about all of this.... it is just getting worse day by day... you have no where to turn anymore... family gives up, spouses leave, you are in nothing but a place of despair. Where do you go, which direction will lead you to an answer?

NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE should have to SUFFER THIS TYPE OF PAIN! Not one soul, should have to endure the kind of brain rattling, aching, like someone took a baseball bat and beat you from your toes to your head type of pain.

Our bodies are marvelous machines... when they are well oiled, taken care of , don't get knocked out of alignment, they can do some magnificent things. Yet, you allow your body to  get run down, draw upon some strange illness, whether it be a bacteria, a virus, some kind of chain reaction in our nervous systems, or just decides it is just going to run on 4 cylinders instead of 6 or 8, you are in one screwed up mess.

Just as I took a break for a few minutes, I saw an email come in from MedPage. I had been taking their newsletters for a long time, then stopped for awhile. About 2 months ago, as the latest and greatest news kept breaking about this, that and the other, when it comes to the health care industry (should say profession)... industry... yes, just another "brickness" in the wall I fear...

I come across this article. Much of it sums up exactly what I have been trying to portrait through my own words in these (parts... up to 3 now) posts about all of the crap that flies around throughout the entire medical world.

I will post the URL in this when I get my own "fogged" wisdom out of a brain that feels as if it has been drug through the mud... and not much med for sure... Why is it that Medicare in itself had doctors spend BILLIONS of dollars on "electronic systems" that now cause MORE red tape, MORE work, MORE PAPER, more time... and MORE Of everything BUT the ONE thing doctors are to do. spend TIME with their PATIENTS! In the "age of technology", when "phone" messages fly through the air, and not over a wire... when you can connect your computer to the internet and never plug in a wire, does it NOW take more papers than ever to see a doctor? I've been seeing my same pain specialist now for at least 6 years, for all of the exact things... yet I had to "fill out" an entire new set of paperwork that was about 10 pages of crap, they already knew and had on me. It was a waste of time, money, and they probably never looked at it what so ever. I would be willing to bet it went right into the recycle bin. Now my husband is a first time patient, and he sees the doctor for the first time, I can see "filling out" forms. But, my gosh, about 10 pages of that was just "stuff" to either initial or sign. And it is just exactly what the article I read talks about. MORE of a doctors and the professionals time spent screwing around SIGNING CRAP that means nothing to a patients level of care! When your physician has to spend more time looking down at a "whatever kind of lap tablet" that thing is they carry around now typing on, rather than examining you the patient, listening to you the patient, checking your heart, lungs, looking over your skin, everything else on you.... but honestly, I have watched my doctors lately squirm when they see me coming with my yellow or hot pink piece of paper they know is "my list", I can see them wanting to jump out of the window and run. Mine know I am GOING to have questions that I fully intend on getting answered before they leave that room. No more of going "unprepared". When I am off to the doctor, especially for a follow up that I've had the appointment for now for months, or I am seeing a new specialist for new symptoms, I will have them in that office until I feel I am satisfied with the answers. Yet, I've watched my own PCP one time set there and talk for an hour with me, then the next he stands with his hand on the door knob just waiting to catch a moment, that he can quickly escape. I realize he has other patients. I also know he does, thus I will not "over step" my grounds. But, I feel I deserve my "allotted" time. What they do though, is "allot" that same amount of time to about 6 patients, then that is there fault. If they overbook, just like the airlines do, then someone is going to have to either wait, or be hurried through. Normally, I find I am either the one being hurried through, OR I am the very LAST one called in for that "time slot" for sure. And what about this new thing of bringing you back to spend another 2 hours in that damned ice box cold exam room, when you could be sitting at least out in waiting area, catching everyone's germs as they come in! Nothing burns me up than for me to walk in, and 3 or 4 people come in behind me, all stating their appointments are scheduled the same time as mine! Hell, mine can't even see me and make a decent diagnosis and treatment plan alone with just me, much less 4 or 5 other "sick" people in the mix. Then of course here comes the nurse, asks all the questions, half way gets down what you say, takes your vitals, and says "okay" I will get all of this logged in and he/she will be in within a bit.... yeah right.... a bit my butt... more like 2 plus hours later, you have worn the seat completely out of your pants,  you have stretched, walked, watched the same pictures of their kids go by in a digital frame that have been there for years, looked out the window, listened to their elevator music/radio and all of the whispering, crying, hollering, and just about the time you are ready to explode, here they are "cordially" explaining about the emergency, and being "sorry" for being late... yeah right where the hell is my $25.00 you would charge me for being late? Some how that shoe never quite fits over on your foot, but it certainly does theirs.

I am so totally, utterly, completely, within, without, absolutely SICK AND TIRED... OF THE ENTIRE MEDICAL SCENE, that I could literally jump off this house, land on my two damned hurting legs... and I probably would feel better than I do right now!
What makes this even worse for me, is that this time the "brain fog", is more like a brain super mud... no transparency, no light, no even haze, just a thick mass of, I am not sure what I am saying or meaning from one moment to the next. I am catching myself repeating things in my postings, emails, even to what I say to Jim and Mom. Honestly, I cannot remember that I did just "write that" in the last post. Or that I told Mom that on the phone yesterday. I can't remember I saw this movie a month ago, or there would be no way for me to ever get home without a list. Whether I need 5 things or 50, nothing seems to "stick". All just seems to be sucked in a black, muddy sludge... along with all of the intense physical pain that surrounds me, and engulfs me.

I know people must be just thinking "oh, she is just having a bad few days", I am not one to "repeat" myself or forget what I just said. I do at times, but this is so much different...

continuing now on Sunday the 9th of March

I've tried to decide exactly how I want to handle the several glaring issues staring me down this next couple of weeks. I've  thought about everything from getting my teeth fixed, and how the heck I was going to get into that specialist in Dallas BEFORE they all fall completely out! This is NO LIE! I put the coffee on at 2:00 am this morning... yes the clocks rolled back and rather sleep you would think, but nope not me, I am wide awake. I happen to hear some of the neighbors coming home, opening car doors and slamming them, and their music just a blaring... yet my household, other than myself knew nothing. Jim has been "ill" again with flu like symptoms, so I decided or we decided I did not need to be exposed anymore than I had to. So I've been disinfecting everything. So, I went to take yet another BC powder, and I always have to have a small bite of something after I take one. they are quite unpleasant especially if any of it does not go down with the first drink. So, I grabbed a tiny piece of dark chocolate that was sitting there in the fridge. Now of course it is cold so it is a bit harder than not being out for awhile. But, just as I put it in my mouth and began to chew down on it, I felt something hard in my mouth. Well, it was not that bite of chocolate, because nothing was in it. So, I go "digging" around and find an entire back piece of one of my top back jaw teeth out. About the time the coffee is ready, I pour a cup and still something felt "odd" about that time I feel another piece of something hard, like a little sliver of some kind. Yes, sir it was another piece of tooth, BUT it came from a different tooth on the other  side of my mouth. Then I got to my computer, went to take one of my medications, and again I feel something "hard" in my mouth (not the pill) ... and again for a 3rd time off of another tooth, a chunk fell out! 
So, here I am at 2:30 am standing in my kitchen, literally watching my teeth fall apart. That was NOT the way I intended on spending my Early Sunday Morning. In fact, I had the intention last evening of possibly going to a new church this morning, depending on how I felt. This severe pain in my legs has just about sent me to the nut house, honestly. My head is not on straight, the brain fog is just beyond belief, and I am so utterly disappointed with the entire world right now, I am not sure where to even begin, 
My story sounds like child's play compared to some I realize. But, I tell you when you have been through what I've dealt with in the past 8 weeks or so, and don't forget it is just now a bit over 6 weeks since I had double hernia surgery. In fact this is really the 1st weekend I've been able to feel like I can do some things I had not been able to yet. I did vacuum the house, and I've done some bending over and picking things up out of the yard, trimming back some of my bushes that will hopefully come out soon... I still have not been on the exercise bike yet but that is due to the leg pain. I fear that my legs may hurt worse. With the entire situation with my pain doctor and his witch of a nurse, I assuredly do not want to get to hurting any worse if I can help it. 
I have SO MUCH I NEED  & MUST get done, or I won't be able to make the trip to DC. That will just break my heart. I've even thought about shortening the trip for myself, and coming home Friday. then let Jim stay until Sunday. That way the dogs only have to be watched after on Thursday and Friday until I get home whenever, and then Jim would fly in on Sunday and I'd have to go and pick him up. I am just not sure I can go yet at all, not in the shape I am in at this moment. But, it could be I would be able to at least make the Fly In... get to meet his Mom, and then they could have a really good visit, and catch up. It's been over 10 years since they have seen each other in person. So, it is totally important for him to try and go. Of course he also has so many issues with health, mainly severe arm, neck and back pain, I am not sure he will go and can withstand the trip either. 
His idea is "well I hurt if I am at home or in DC... well that is true but when you are at home... you can have your own "nervous breakdowns" without someone else knowing it. 

There is a great deal more I want to say here; so this post may have a 4th portion to it. 

I am not sure if I will do it that way, or just call this one "finished".... and begin anew ... probably begin new. Due to "perspectives" I realize that not everyone will "agree" or "disagree" with me on some things I've said, and believe.... 

But, I do believe that "WE" all of us .... talking now about the Chronically Ill Patients,  with illnesses that take away all that is good in our lives, and turn us inside out and upside down... Autoimmune Arthritis... and all of the other Autoimmune Illnesses... along with Chronic Pain, people suffering from FM (which I still believe is an autoimmune illness)... Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... and the other things like my friend just discovered... she has "Chiari"... where a portion of her brain stem is literally gone down into her spinal canal and is being "crushed"! It has taken all of her life of fussing, crying begging, screaming, tests after tests, and in a "test" for something else, they "found" this syndrome she was born with. 
due to the nature of this malformation... and the unbelievable story that it has taken over (I think she is about 50 years old, but she looks like she is 35) :):) for them to find this... she also has Lupus...  of which she is being treated for... Here is a link that explains this malformation... she does not know yet if she faces surgery or what... but by gosh anyone would be totally freaked out if they got this diagnosis after all these years.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/chiari/detail_chiari.htm

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