Abscesses, Catching you Up, and letting you know that I shall be back very soon... please continue to follow me.... the realms of life, autoimmune illnesses, Lupus, Sjogren's, surgeries, pain pumps, & the "trial"...

I apologize for being "MIA".... LOTS of stuff happening here... for one I had BOTH abscesses incised on Monday... the "1st" one got infected again, even though we thought it was okay, then the other lump on the right thigh got horribly abscessed, so the surgeon opened the both of them up on Monday... IN HIS OFFICE!! Do NOT even get me started, I am one tough cookie when it comes to pain, and procedures, but I should have been taken to outpatient and put under sedation... I have pics of them on my FB page, and honestly the right one looks worse today than earlier in the week.... I am on antibiotics, but I do not think they are helping the right one at all... I have been on Rifampin and Bactrim now for weeks and weeks... and they have helped the left thigh, but as I said the right one is swollen "angry red" and HURTS like heck to have to open them both up at least 2 times a day and go inside them with cotton swabs and peroxide to clean them out.... and I fear I am running fever.... and some may know that my "internal pain pump" also went into a motor stall... well they had information the first time it "re-started" itself, and my pain doc reset the meds in it, and that lasted about 5 days... then a week ago yesterday, the Medtronic Rep drove from Dallas down here and met me at the hospital to "turn the flow down to nothing"... so just in case it starts again, I won't get the meds much at all, and then they have me on strong oral pain meds for now... so I face surgery to implant a new one, but no way will they touch me in surgery until these infections are cleared up... and gosh knows when that will be... then the "trial" was this week for my soon to be ex-husbands wreck, in March 2014, when I was in DC with the Arthritis Foundation. I did not go at all until yesterday mid-day. I testified, which meant reliving the entire ordeal again... not fun, but then I drove back home. I did not stay, honestly my doctors would have freaked had they known with my current physical issues, drove 35 miles plus to downtown Dallas, went into a "germ filled" courtroom, etc... but I felt I did need to say my own part of all in this.... in so MANY WAYS this horrid nightmare of a wreck, totally "wrecked" my life, physically, mentally and emotionally, and in some ways even more than Jim's... there is a great deal of the first almost 3 weeks, he does not remember at all... and he does not remember a moment of the wreck in itself... anyway, due to all of that, along with my Mom and her sudden new medical problems, I have either been here just a tiny bit, or not here at all... usually on the sofa when I can be, or taking her to the doc, or myself... and then to the court house yesterday for a couple of hours.... anyway, I wanted to catch everyone up a bit... I have felt badly about not being able to "share" posts, and put things up on my blog over this past at least a week or more... but honestly, I have felt so lousy, and with the trial and all of that... plus I am trying to get well enough to "adopt" a new pup... I still miss my Tazzy so much, it just breaks my heart each time I think about her sweet face.... so hopefully after next week... my hopes are there is a huge load lifted off of our shoulders... and I can "hopefully" try and find some way to put my life back together... anyway, I thought the comment was cute Tiff.... and thanks all... also hope to be back here, posting, sharing, and getting back to what I love to do most... my advocacy and activism...


I am extremely concerned about the right thigh and the abscess... it is so totally red, swollen, and it is just a nail biting horrible pain to have to clean it all inside with peroxide and cotton swabs... but it has to be done, and either I do it, OR I do it!

Anyway, to ALL of my followers here, please forgive my brief absence... and I shall be posting more hopefully from now and forward... by the way, the damned pain pump keeps turning on and then stalling... each time it does that, my "side" starts beeping... that was a real "hoot" yesterday at the trial... everyone would look at me... I had to wonder what they thought... they were supposed to have been told about it, but I think that did not get mentioned, thus it was kind of funny to see people staring at me....

When you are backed against a Wall - Where do you Turn? Right now I feel "Green" because of these HOLES in both thighs... sick and tired of being sick and tired.. Music, Brooks and Dunn & More...

I almost had to laugh - I come here every day just about and see the same "line" - "What do you want to talk about or what is on your mind today?" What mind? I lost that years ago..... and I am saying "How Long Gone Are You Gonna Be?" - that is my mind... and I won't be as explicit as I feel as this moment, but others have "heard" me say "bat #$@! crazy!" yes, that explains me.... to a tee... speaking of a "tee" - hell I even lost the one person that wanted to teach me to "play golf"... not that I was all that excited, but back then I was excited any time I was asked to do anything... I know some a probably wondering why all of the "lyrics"? - Guess what??? I am ONE Helluva MUSIC Lover! - You name it, from scootin' a boot, to Rap, to Blues, to the 70's, 80's, and "Classic Rock" - as long as it is not some Mozart or such, I have always loved music... most of my life, if I was not on a dance floor, then I was home dancing, as I cleaned house, or did my college work, or bought groceries, and you can take the "girl" out of the country, but you never can take the "Country" out of the girl - Ah, yes Brooks and Dunn... LOTS of reasons for them.... LOTS of awesome memories, plus they are, were and will be always the best, well there is George Strait, Kenney Chesney, & the entire entourage' of great Country musicians.... okay, well honestly, I feel like HELL, and I mean that in every way I could possibly mean, I feel like I want to throw up, die, faint, walk out the door, and never return, ah, but, try to walk even out the front door with TWO HUGE FREAKING INCISIONS in each thigh!!!! After the "lidocaine" wore off last night, not even morphine does much good.... and of course no pain pump, thus that makes it even worse..... right now, I cannot see "past" the tears, the heart break, the "lost opportunities", the times I should have LISTENED to my heart, rather than my "head" or Dad, whichever one came usually first... I have missed OUT on a great deal of "life" - and now as physically messed up as I am, some of those opportunities are never to be... shall I dance again? Well, if I can get my thighs well, yes... will I play the drums again, or the key board... I can... and probably some where down the line I will... right now NOTHING and I mean NOTHING seems "possible"... yes I did say that correctly, I feel as if every "possibility" is "Way Gone"... so, NEVER take a moment of life for granted, NEVER think next week or tomorrow.... never set in a mediocre spot in life, putting off what you SHOULD do... because within a breaths space, it can be "Way Gone"...... Here you go - You want something to truly put things in perspective:

Brooks and Dunn


"When Love Dies"
Love conquers all and someday it'll conquer you
There's nothing finer than falling all in it
When love is true
But once it goes out and breaks your heart
It still ain't history
When love dies it don't rest in peace
You can lock your doors and windows
To keep the pain at bay
Yesterday may be dead and gone
But the past wont go away
Its waiting right around every corner
With a heartache you don't need
When love dies it don't rest in peace
Oh when love dies
You cant bury those memories
Oh when love dies
It disappears but it never leaves
When love dies it don't rest in peace
How does love die then come back
A ghost rattling chains
It keeps on haunting my broken heart
Driving me insane
I hear it whisper my name in the night
Just like it still lives and breathes
When love dies it don't rest in peace
Oh when love dies
You cant bury those memories
Oh when love dies
It disappears but it never leaves
When love dies it don't rest in peace
Brooks and Dunn -


One more - my all time favorite one of their very first huge hits - then I have to muster enough moments on this computer to pay bills - and if I can get that done, then I am headed BACK to the sofa, to "Wish Upon A Star" -
"That Ain't No Way To Go"
Lipstick letters across the mirror this morning
Said, "Goodbye, baby." You left with no warning
Like a thief in the night, you ran away with my heart
I can't believe my eyes, must be a bad dream
You always said we had a good thing
You never once let on we were falling apart

That ain't no way to go. Girl, it just ain't right
Don't you think that I deserve to hear you say goodbye
That ain't no way to go. Was it all a lie
After all this time, that ain't no way to go
Getting nowhere, I'm tired of thinking
Guess I'll do a little wishful dreaming
And make a whiskey wish upon a star
Train whistle blowing down the tracks
Lonesome sound says she ain't coming back
It's such a cold blow from out of the dark
That ain't no way to go. Girl, it just ain't right
Don't you think that I deserve to hear you say goodbye
That ain't no way to go. Was it all a lie
After all this time, that ain't no way to go
Brooks and Dunn....

Cellulitis, Antibiotics, MRSA, Catching Up, and what "normal" is when you battle with autoimmune illnesses

Gosh Lord knows I need all of the prayers I can get for sure... I did find out yesterday that this stomach mess that began last Friday maybe a "stomach bug" going around. I spoke to my pharmacist about a medication, and they told me that lots of people had been in over the past week or so, with the same thing... really nauseated, feeling lousy, and be "sick" to their stomach... I kind of thought that maybe what it was after I spoke with Mom Sunday over the phone and she was sick Sunday morning with about the same thing. I believe mine was a bit worse just due to the fact, I had already had such severe intestinal issues from the antibiotics, and I am just "worn down" from the cellulitis, not sleeping, the heat does not help and so forth... hopefully I will NOT encounter any more of that mess for awhile. I am still NOT at 100% though. Yet, at least I am COMPLETELY THRU with the antibiotics. I officially took the last 2, yesterday evening. Although the "lump" is still not completely gone away, I think I will just see what happens over the next couple of days. I certainly do not want another round of antibiotics, especially since they are some they use to fight really, really tough cases of infection. I do not want to become "immune" to them and then not get what I may need, if so happened I did come down with some type of very bad infection... MRSA always remains in the background when I think about having to take antibiotics. Although my PCP does not just hand them out for anything, but with me being more prone to having an infection, I have had to take more than I really want to over these past few years. I GO TO the Cardiologist this morning. Just a routine follow up, but her appts are always too EARLY... this one is at 11AM so not too bad, but I always prefer to have appts. very early afternoon about 1PM... that way I have all morning to do things and get caught up on stuff, and I don't waste time having to get ready for a doctor in an appt that is way early... Then the rest of the week is actually pretty quiet as far as going to doctors etc. I STILL NEED to go have the damned Chest X-ray done... I got sick and had to postpone it again... and I know my Rheumatologist is really wondering what the heck is going on. Anyway, I will be playing catch up on lots of stuff over the next few days... so I appreciate everyone and your well wishes and prayers... and I hope things "settle" a bit now, and I will feel better over the next few days, get my strength somewhat back, and be able to get back to "life" rather than a sofa and movies 24/7... Hugs to all... Me

It SUCKS big time, when you feel your life is totally out of your own control, and you have no way to "fix" things... you just have to succumb to the sofa, resting, and putting a whatever you could call "life" on hold.

This past 6 weeks or so have been a total nightmare. Combine all of the issues with the lump on my thigh, cellulitis, high powered antibiotics, my own lower back, pain, stiffness, and a seemingly "worsening" of RA symptoms. My hands and wrists, along with fingers and thumbs are really bothering me worse than they ever had. My right hand has several swollen joints and even the cartilage between my fingers seems to be swollen, puffy and very stiff.

I have actually missed my Orencia now for the 3rd week (in fact I usually take it on Tuesdaus - but after all of the issues with cellulitis on the top of my left thigh in a place that seems where I usually do the Orencia Injections, first of all, with the infection I feared taking it, and 2nd of all, I am not through researching it, but I feel I may have gotten a "contaminated" needle giving myself the injections... I am a stickler for the skin being very clean, and make sure that the alcohol swabs get all in the area, and I always have clean hands, and usually put a bandaid over that spot at least for a day... and I realize with any type of autoimmune issue, I am more apt, more prone, to have these types of issues, but when you get so ill, that your entire life goes on hold for several weeks, it is surely difficult to deal with. 

Anyway, I just completed two 7 day rounds of Rifampin and Bactrim - I hope and pray after 14 days total of these two powerful antibiotics, this cellulitis is gone, and what small "lump" that is left, will just take a bit of time for my body to "absorb" it. I've never had to deal with cellulitis before. So, what portion I do know about it, is what my doctors, my pharmacist and my own research has told me.

I don't want to have to take anymore antibiotics if I can avoid it. I already have infections at times like pneumonia twice in the past year or so that require them. Thus, I worry so much about getting "immune" or something mutating to where the antibiotics do not work. Actually that scares the hell out of me.

But, I must be sure that all signs of infection are gone. I can't take a chance for sure. Plus I feel if this does not do the trick, I will have to be hospitalized and put on IV antibiotics, which I don't have time for, and is surely NOT a convenient situation for me financial wise, time wise, and due to me being here, with the pups, and no longer having another person here to help out, I just can't be gone several days to the hospital. Of anything that sucks about being alone, to me is just that. I can deal with "alone", like many of us do. What I can't deal with is the times I need to be gone for more than a day... then that requires so much change. I must find someone to watch after the pups, and that is not an easy thing... fortunately there is a young woman, along with her sister and Mom that do come to your home and watch after them. But, mine are both so totally ruined, they have a hard time with a stranger, or with me being gone for any time over a day, or a day and a night... so it is like having kids... you can't just leave them at the house for a few days, run off to the hospital... you must have them watched over... My Pug, is really get very stiff herself... she is up in age and has a difficult time getting around... can't jump up on the sofa anymore by herself... and she requires a bit of extra attention, plus I give them both medications daily and so forth...

Even though some may not comprehend how an animal or animals can be so much of your life, but they are... anyone that is an animal lover, and has or had a dog(s), cats and do forth totally "get it"... they become a part of your family and for me right now, they are my family...

Even though I think I should have "more time" now, I feel as if somewhere my time is being "sucked" away... the days feel shorter, and the number of things that need to be done, longer... and I never seem to be able to find enough energy to complete the tasks that I should be able to... I've tried everything... lists, organizing, I multi-task, although not as well as I used to be able to... but it is like life goes into overdrive... and rather than slowing down, and things getting "less" all needs are more... whether it is my own health, my Mom's, the house, the pups, everything seems to suck time away... I spent over a week more or less on the sofa... so I have all of this stuff piled up... and all of it important in its own way... but it is impossible for me to handle it all anymore... the age, the autoimmune illnesses, along with everything they bring and take away... my body feels "worn" out rather than better....





















 

The Arthritis Foundation - Becoming an "E-Advocate" and How YOUR VOICE DOES MATTER!!! YOU CAN make a DIFFERENCE!!!

As we begin a Brand New Year with New Congress Members of our 114th Congress officially now in. We want to further our cause on the issues surrounding Advocacy for Arthritis - Ra and Osteo, plus Juvenile Arthritis. I would love for you to joint MANY others around our nation in support by being an "E-Advocate" for the Arthritis Foundation. You never have to leave home, and your input can mean SO MUCH when it comes to legislation about health, from medications and the "tier" programs, to making Medicare sustainable, to giving out funding for so much needed research in order to give "a quality of life" back to the hundreds of thousands of women, men and children that suffer from these horrid diseases. I am including a link to the page where you can sign up and also read more about being an "E-Advocate". My emphasis on "YOU MAKING A DIFFERENCE" is critical. Because I used to think probably what you sometimes think "Oh, how can I, one voice make a difference?" Well, I can tell you from personal experience that YOUR VOICE can move mountains. Also, your members of Congress DO HEAR YOU! So, you helping to send your opinions and how you feel on health matters - does matter! I urge you and I know many of you have a "full time" plate, of family, children, jobs, and living, and also many of you are dealing like myself, with chronic illnesses like RA, Osteoarthritis, JRA and many other illnesses very much related to these... whether it be other Autoimmune Illnesses, such as Lupus, Sjogren's, MS, Myasthenia Gravis, MCTD and the hundreds more (I met a woman yesterday who is a lab tech and drew my blood for some lab work - finding out she also has an autoimmune illness - at 25 she suffers from Diabetes 1) ... so "we" are out there... and finding your "niche" where your voice can be heard is an incredible thing to do. I can say without any hesitation that my advocacy with AF, IFAA/IAAM, Lupus Foundation, WEGO Health, my "consumer reviewer" with the DOD I served as last year, my trip to D.C. with the A.F., my work I did with IFAA and all they continue to achieve is just almost mind boggling, my blog, my writing, my Facebook posts, as well as groups... and then illnesses such as FM/CFS/ME (that I continue to feel are all autoimmune related illnesses) .... and so much more... being a judge for WEGO Health Activist Awards, getting to tell my story on Capitol Hill last year and then again a couple of times in the year to my Congressional Representative and my Senators.... and now I would like to further my own Advocacy in my State... I feel it is crucial that we make headway in Texas on a State Level of our Government with these illnesses. It means getting our State Congress on board, and even down to our County and Town people in positions of government, all instrumental in making great things happen when it comes to health care, medications, research, and healing those who truly would love to have another "normal" day in their lives... most of us wished we could gain just a portion of our "quality of life back"... and that in itself would mean the moon and stars to so many of us... as patients, as caretakers, as family, friends and often even our medical providers. They would like to have more options to address our every growing and changing autoimmune illnesses, chronic pain patients, those of us that our joints just deteriorate and often there may not be a "good" explanation as to why... yet they would love to be able to know themselves and to be able to tell patients the "why's" and "how to" fix them. After the numerous surgeries I've been through, more than I can count on BOTH hands... I can say, that the thought of having to undergo another surgery honestly scares the hell out of me... even the idea of being ill enough that I may need to be hospitalized terrifies me. Each night I pray that I will NOT be ill, especially never again so ill, I must undergo a hospital stay. After knowing what I know, and then watching an hour documentary just yesterday, on just how many "Superbugs" there are just lingering around every nook and cranny of a hospital, it terrifies the hell out of me.... With an already very compromised immune system... with illness, and then even more compromised due to medications, the idea of going into the hospital already ill, and hoping I don't become even worse in there than before I went in... just puts me in a place of mortal terror. The last bout I had with double pneumonia, and had a fever so high for me at 103 degrees that I was literally hallucinating, could not type, could not walk straight, could not see... and if I had not finally figured out to check my temperature, at the time Jim was still in the hospital, so alone it really didn't dawn on me.... then seeing how high my temp was, and in so bad of shape I did not even trust myself to drive alone.... it really was yet another eye opening experience for me. I got by the "skin of my teeth" from being hospitalized. Because my temp was not going down initially even with Aspirin, Tylenol, and so forth... and having it in both lungs... I convinced the physician at the Urgent Care (he also is an ER doctor at our local hospital) and I knew him... to allow me to go home first, and see how I was in 24 hours with medications... he still was almost to the point of sending me via ambulance to the ER... but I swore to follow his rules, and if the fever got any higher, or I became more ill, I would immediately dial 911 and go to the ER... thus I avoided that one. But, here I am already a compromised immune system, Jim had then been in the hospital about 3 weeks out from the accident... he still was so out of it, he was not able to truly grasp the idea that I was so ill I could not at all come up to see him... and for a full 10 days, I stayed HOME, on the sofa, taking my meds and doing exactly as the doctor told me. The very last place in the world I needed to be was in the hospital myself. So, as I tell my own dilemma from 2014, my point is that STILL when I could even through the entire ordeal with Jim's accident, my own illnesses, then the whole situation with the Sjogren's and my teeth literally falling out weekly, then getting Jim home, to proper doctors, getting medications, finding how the hell to survive the ever growing costs of meds, doctors, since there is NOTHING to pay any of it but us.... to my own issues with all of the dental bills also NOT COVERED... and fighting (no pun intended) tooth and nail for Humana to freaking pay... IT WAS AN ILLNESS that TOTALED MY TEETH, not a "DENTAL" problem... and the vicious cycle and circle carries on. So MY FIGHT is the "good fight" for ALL of us... it is time to put the USA on the World MAP as being a "premier" nation that DOES FIND CURES or WAYS TO PUT THESE HORRENDOUS ILLNESSES INTO REMISSION... to stop the damage they cause.... and we NEED YOU... and your voice also.....

http://www.arthritis.org/advocate/join-the-movement/sign-up-to-be-an-e-advocate.php#