Pacemaker Placement, Hip Bursitis both hips severe, shoulder surgery & fear of brachial plexus issues (after reverse shoulder surgery about 5 years ago)

I had my consultation yesterday with my Cardiologist about the Holter Monitor and the low heart rate about 17 hours a day... we DID decide to go ahead with the pacemaker... everyone and everything I've read, talked to etc... even a couple of my other doctors feel it's a good idea, and "may help" some of the fatigue, the weakness in my legs, even the spider veins in my ankles, plus give me back more energy that I seem to be "losing" in the past year or so... I just can't seem to be able to keep up with the house, going to the market, and just days in general. Even though I am up and around, I seem to just be so "slow" and feel like I run out of energy much sooner that things to do... 

NOW I KNOW that some of that is the RA, the Lupus, "age" of course, the chronic pain and so forth, and there are no "guarantees" how much the pacemaker will help, but I feel it will give me back some of what I seem to have lost as far as stamina, especially outside doing my yard, flowers, and I so love being outside when the weather is nice (by the way I drove through the Cemetery yesterday and those HUGE OAK trees that looked like they just completely died that are in a row of about 10 where my Mom and Dad's graves are, THEY ARE COMING BACK OUT!!! 

I was so thrilled to see them leafing out..I think when they were building all of the new apartments right next to there, they must have "sprayed" something or did something to really knock them down hard, so when I saw each one slowly but surely with the new growth on them, I knew my Dad was happy... that is why they picked that site... Dad always loved trees, lawn work, gardening and so forth... anyway, I think wrote that I got the left hip injected Monday, and even though I have to wait (this Orthopedic doctor) won't inject them at the same time and then he makes me wait three weeks before I have the right one done... which sucks... it would be better for me to have it closer together to SO HIPS are better at the same time. But I know due to injecting the joints with corticosteroids they like to be cautious.... 

I go to the eye doctor tomorrow, I am really "past due" since I take Plaquenil, and it can cause Macular Degeneration... & I usually go yearly and I've missed I think almost 2 years..jus due to everything else, it seems I never can find the time plus I can "check them at home and do frequently with a special chart I look at. But the double vision and my vision in general has also changed again... so I "may" need new lens and HOPE NOT! All of these doctor co-pays, and then the Outpatient charge for anything I have done like the Endoscopy and now the Pacemaker, have a larger co-pay now... and of course the hospital always wants is ALL up front.... and hell my glasses if I need new lenses, the "prism" in the for the double vision makes them cost even more...plus I got ready to make the eye appt and found out my "usual" eye doctor retired! 

Luckily, I had been to another one last time, and I really liked him... and he is close, just over in Waxahachie, so at least it's not Dallas. But, I went to make the Endocrinologist appt that my PCP wanted me to see, and SHE CAN'T SEE MY TILL LIKE THE END OF JULY!!! So, I found a couple that take my insurance and they are closer to me, although still in Dallas not as far as this other woman... but I've got to get everything else "caught up"... I have to see my other Orthopedic Surgeon since we think my lumbar spine is causing a lot of my severe pain also in my hips and down my legs, plus the shoulder he replaced... it's not been "the same" and feels almost like that "brachial plexus" ball of nerves, are on fire...I can't stand to "touch my right shoulder" in many places..it was never "the greatest" but was so much better after the replacement BUT after that 2nd cervical neck surgery, (I know they had to have me lying in a very odd position) they must have had that shoulder in a position, that ever since, something is just wrong.... so he is the one that does the spinal surgeries, the shoulder replacement and so forth...

PPMS (Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis) versus MS

Has anyone heard of "PPMS"? (Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis)... I was looking into some issues about a right foot, that tends to "hang" at times walking, no matter what shoes or where I am walking, and it's not like "foot drop"... plus I've noticed I "feel" more "clumsy... which I've always been a bit "off" but I am over the past month or so, feeling like I have this "very slight stagger" not like a "drunk can't walk" thing, but just like I will be walking jut fine and suddenly find myself off balance, or like I am stumbling, but not like someone else may notice it... it has not gotten to the point I would assume, anyone else would see it, but I know it's there... I've always kidded myself about "walk much"?

LOL, because I sometimes feel as if I walk off step to one side for a step or two... but this is more of that, and it's different from anything else I've experienced. I thought at first "it's all in my head" or I've just been so stressed between doctor's the danged shower drain mess, the cold weather tends to make me "stiff" which causes you to kind of feel off balance at times, and that I just have too many "irons in the fire"... and I really wanted to get back to oil painting (I found out that the guy Bob Ross that taught a couple of decades ago on television, all of his series and episodes are on U-Tube, from the very first one.. and I recall Dad used to watch him... he was fascinated how anyone could do that, yet I found out I was quite good at oil painting and want now with these online video's I could do them right here at home... but I also know I need to be working on getting that back room worked on and other things around here, so between putting myself in a place of "what I "NEED" to do versus what I would LIKE TO DO... I just felt I've been in too big of a hurry lately, causing me to be a bit clumsy at times... Anyway, I found several UR's and information on PPMS but I had not heard of it until I found it today... so I thought I would ask any of you if you knew about it....


https://www.verywellhealth.com/symptoms-of-primary-progressive-multiple-sclerosis-ppms-2440696

"National Pain Report and a New Book about FM and CFS....

 

FIBROMYALGIA and New Book You maybe interested in.....

http://nationalpainreport.com/new-book-gets-to-the-underlying-cause-of-fibromyalgia-8834612.html


Since I really LIKE what National Pain Report says, here is a new book they are talking about, and it's in regard to FM, (Fibromyalgia) which I know MANY of you have, have been diagnosed with it, or told you "may" have it or what they also referred it as, "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome"... I know MANY years back when I was trying to find answers to my "nightmare of several times a month migraines" I had several physicians tell me they thought I "may have" Fibromyalgia, or then also they referred to it as, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... 

back then it was so NEW, they really had NO CLUE about it at all what it was, what caused it, or EVEN IF IT WAS A REAL DIAGNOSIS... I know MANY women continued to "hear" it as a diagnosis, when doctor's did not KNOW what was wrong, with WOMEN especially so it was either you have FM, CFS, or you are "stressed" or "depressed".... which aren't we ALL those things, whether we are "chronically ill" or NOT... plus being stressed or depressed it NOT just for women, but MANY men now days also... but since I realize that IMOP (which my opinion is not really a matter here) but I THINK that FM is an "autoimmune illness" just as any other like Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, JRA, and the

I'm Kind of Out OF it these past couple of days...

Sorry gals and guys. I have been in kind of a "funky" mood, state of mind, whatever you want to call it this past couple of days. It's not any "one" thing I can put my finger on, just a lot of little things here and there that I have kind of had to "mull over" and have reminders of awesome stuff, like my Tazzy, and then "not so great stuff" that I will not even mention... plus some of my family have been having "stuff" in life go on also, so I am concerned for them, and for Mom, and what the outcome will be on her visit Monday to the doctor. She has not felt "well" again now all week long... and I realize she is 80 years old, BUT, it is "not just age". Up until about 7 or 8 months ago, she had some issues, but nothing like I see now daily... she called me early this morning to ask me if I was "having surgery today"???? I told her Mom you know I just saw my Heart doctor yesterday and we have put off the "neck" surgery till the first part of March, and I do not even have a date yet.... and how she could "think" with no one "taking me", and me not saying a word, even yesterday when I went by... but those are just the things that tell me it is much more than just "age related".... anyway, I just have not even been able to post on my blog, which is unusual for me... I think I am just also worn out... I had been "running" since last week Before we went to the Casino last Thursday and then this week I have had stuff all week long I needed to do, catch up on etc... so I think I am just tired and probably need to take a break... and allow my mind to catch up with my body LOL! Have a good Friday everyone tomorrow... and hopefully by Saturday I will feel more like getting into posting etc... after over $130.00 YESTERDAY between MY CO-PAY AT THE DOCTOR, THEN THE CAR INSPECTION AND THEN I CAME HOME AND REGISTERED THE DAMNED THING ONLINE, AND ALL OF THAT WAS 135.00 JUST YESTERDAY!!!! INSANITY!!! Rhia

#RABLOG WEGO's Week long RA Blog - Day 2 - How to "fight" RA Fatigue

This is one tough "cookie" so to speak. Some of us battle more often than others I am sure.

Those days when I get up and feel like an "18 wheel tractor trailer" ran over me and then backed up and did it again. There are times, that I try to just push through the temptation to get back on the sofa, and watch movies all day long.

Yet, life some days, even with chronic pain and chronic illness may not allow a day to "hide out". So, those times that I KNOW I am going to have to be up and about, I try to "plan" for it ahead of time. You can't "plan" the fatigue, but you can plan a time before you may suspect a very busy day, and that fatigue can come with those days. So, I tend to try and get to bed or at least relax a bit earlier that afternoon and evening before.

I try my best to find ways to doing some things either  during the time of day that I feel "less fatigued". O if I know that I have something that will take more energy than "usual" I try to rest the day before, or sleep by going to bed a bit earlier.

I also have found to make doctor appointments, or anything type of appointment where I need to go here or especially in Dallas, to make them between about 11:00AM and 3:30 PM. That way I can avoid that "fatigue" in the morning, and yet not have to deal with the more fatigue that comes on after a busy day... around 4:00PM.

I also try my best to "combine" things. If I need to stop at several places running errands, I plan my route where I can do the one that is further away, then work my way in to the closer things, so I am close to home as possible after I finish. I also at times have to do part of errands, shopping, house work and so forth and then finish it up the next day. If I have a large amount of groceries to buy, then I do that one day, and save the other errands till the next day. Plus if I can possibly get medications by "driving" through a drive through window, or even at the bank, I try to use the drive thru anytime I can where it is possible.

When the days are very hot, or I am just not feeling well, or fatigue has got me badly, then I use my Handicapped parking sign. That is a huge help especially at a very large store, and especially if I am having to buy things that are heavy.

I find also, if I stay "moving" once I am up and around, I am better off "finishing" up all I can before i sit down. If I sit down before some things that need to be done and rest, then it seems I am more tired and fatigued than I would be had I just finished everything up and then sat down to rest.

I keep myself on a set schedule as much as possible, as far as eating, sleeping, getting up and all. If I stay on a schedule, then it seems that also helps to fight the fatigue...

Of course there are times when it is just TOO much, and the fatigue just puts me down for the day... and if that happens, then I listen to my body, and I "take that day" or a portion of that day to give myself the "relaxation" it needs....


I can say also, that "mental and emotional" stress brings the fatigue on worse than ever for the most part... so trying to keep an even keel emotionally helps, but of course we are humans, and we have stresses to deal with... 



#RA BLOG

Autoimmune Illnesses - Does Illness, Doctors, Tests, Treatments and Medications EVER END???!!! I am just totally wiped out.... A Week from Hades for sure!

Does it ever end? I DID get a new rug cleaner, and even got an extra $10 coupon off of it, so I have it at home, out of the box, and trying to get the "opt" piece to line up and then there are 2 screws to put in once it is all lined up. I was just too tired, too aggravated, feeling just sick, after an all day of running again yesterday. So, I DID GO TO THE DOCTOR yesterday!!!!!! I called and they told my doctor what was going on and he wanted to see me at 11:30 yesterday morning. I had already felt like something was not right about this growing "lump" on the top of my left thigh. It began getting larger almost each day. And it is about the size of a silver dollar or maybe larger. Sure enough, I have cellulitis. NOT GOOD! If I had not went in when I did, I may have found myself as an inpatient on IV antibiotics over the weekend. He said that he was giving me two different antibiotics, both very strong and in fact one of them they actually use for certain types of Tuberculosis. (interesting since I still need to get that Chest X-ray) and have NOT found time to get it yet! So, after I saw him, I had already been to Wally World and got the rug cleaner, and then I went by Mom's. Well, of course she had not picked up her meds yet, so I had to go get mine, one of them my pharmacy did not have and was not going to have it until Monday.... and it was one of the antibiotics, so I did not want to go without it if possible. So, I went across the street to pick up Mom's scripts, and I happen to have a copy of the prescriptions. They did have enough of the other antibiotic, so I asked them to fill it and I would pick it up in an hour or so... so I visited with Mom, explained her meds, and left to go pick up mine. Then I came home and was just exhausted. It was already something like 4:00 PM and again I had been "running" since about 6 that morning. So, I changed clothes took the medication and got on the sofa with the pups. But, I was just restless and honestly really concerned about this cellulitis mess. That lump has already been there about 4 weeks, maybe longer. So, it really worries me since it can turn bad very quickly, especially when we are immune compromised. I want to use my new carpet cleaner, but my stomach is just YUCK! I think it is the antibiotics. I have a billion things to catch up on.... here at home, online, and then I have 3 days of PT for Mom next week, plus I need to schedule the MRI for her, and then they called about the ESI (Epidural Steroid Injections) already and want me to call them back Monday to schedule those. So, I am not sure if the doctor wants the MRI first, or if he wants to go ahead with the injections.... but that means a possibility of either having a test or going to a medical "something" everyday next week! Plus I have not even had the time, nor the energy to go and have that damned chest X=ray yet. So, I am exhausted to the bone today, and feel like hell. Keep Mom in your thoughts and prayers... she seemed to be better yesterday, but we all know with especially "back pain" one moment you can be fine, and the next in almost unbeatable pain... so one day of feeling good certainly does not constitute it is over yet. I am going to try and stay online this morning and catch up on a few things. But, I will see how I feel. Right now I hurt all over and as I said, I have to take those antibiotics on an "empty" stomach of all things.... as if they are not bad enough to take with food.... I wish everyone a good weekend.... and I will be "around" off and on, just depending on how I feel. and by the way, THE MAYOR SIGNED THE SEPTEMBER 2015 PAIN AWARENESS PROCLAMATION!! I GOT IT in the mail yesterday... BUT they must have not let the ink dry enough before sticking it in the envelope, and a couple of the letters on a couple of words have been pulled away.... so. I am not sure even trying to "go over" those can fix it... I may have to have the woman that did it, redo it and send me another one. I hate to but I've tried to kind of go over them and it just looks horrible. I may try to scan it in, match the typeset and "fix" it in Photoshop if I can... I shall see.....

Round Two of Bad Weather (I can tell from my severe pain), Lupus, RA, Flares, MORE unbearable pain, Discographs, Ankylosing Spondylitis & More

Looks like Round 2 of the BAD Weather days for my area around the DFW Metroplex, including Ellis County. It is supposed to start out as rain possibly today, but then turn back into Thunderstorms for several days through the weekend and more... so we shall see. I am supposed to go for that discograph on Monday, But, due to having this corticosteroid injection and having both I think a Lupus and RA flare at the same time, and now I am on a step down large dose of Prednisone for about 7 days or so. I am not sure they will even consider doing the procedure. Since they have to inject dye into my spine, and we run the risk of infection even with antibiotics they will give me IV during the procedure, my immune system is not probably really ready to handle it. I am calling them today and talking to them about it before I even try to go up to Dallas early Monday morning. No use in my son nor I making that trip only to have them tell me I can't have it done right now. Also I did find out my PCP will do all of the blood work my Rheumy wants me to have. I'll go in next week and have it and what my PCP wants done all at the same time. I am sure the lab tech will be thrilled! He cringes when he sees me coming. I am such a horrible stick, due to rolling veins, tiny veins, the "blow" on them, they have to "chase them down, anyway... he just looks like he wants to cry as I walk in the door. But, it all has to be done, thus he will have to stick as much as it takes to get the blood needed for the tests. They are also checking for that "marker" for AS (ankylosing spondylitis) HLA-B27... a "genetic marker" that sometimes shows with this autoimmune disorder. From what I read, lots of people can have the "marker" yet never get the AI. Then many can have AS, yet the marker does not show. Yet, my latest symptoms, with the very severe lower lumbar and sacral L-5/S-1 back pain, down into my hips, that almost keeps me from being able to sit at my computer for very long at a time... I just have all of the hallmark symptoms of the disease. Now it may show I have a compression fracture due to the osteoporosis, the reason for this discograph... I don't care what it is, fix it so I can go back to somewhat of whatever "normal" in my life is anymore. Now, that I am basically here with me and the pups, I have LOTS of stuff I want to do at the house.... but in the pain I've been in, I just am almost in tears by the time I sit here for 10 minutes... So, I do need the discograph done, but even my pain doctor, thinks it is a waste of time and money.. it appears I have something that needs to be fixed in that area, so even if we find the AS is present, then I still will probably be having lower surgery on those places on my very lower spine... My hips hurt so badly, even this morning by 3 am I was awake from pain so severe I wanted to scream.... so let's hope they find something and can do something about it....

As you can see again I'm going through hell with the AI issues. Some days just trying to ignore the pain, the inflammation, stiffness, and go ahead with all of my house projects work... and then others the Rheumatoid Arthritis, the Lupus, and now possibly Ankylosing Spondylitis, and more just about get the best of me. I am attaching a couple of links about AS, for those who want to know more, as well as about the discograph... and so forth. 

I need to try and get to work on my 3rd book on my own history and river of "fun" with Autoimmune Illnesses, and I intend to soon, if I can get to where I can sit long enough to do so. I have almost finished reading Stephen King's book "On Writing". He has some incredible ideas, and of course many I already know. I need a complete "block of time" even if that means weeks, to just write! Nothing else, if I can help it, but quiet time, where I can "bust out" the rest of the writing, then I can begin editing, proofing and so forth. I have no change but to do it all myself. I cannot afford to have a professional help with it, and I did a pretty darn good job with my 1st two books.

This 3rd on of course is so much different. It will be a compilation of my blog posts, my writing about these AI illnesses, and all of the other complications that go along with them... and my personal story, both glory and Lord awful times when I thought not being on this Earth would be better than all I've endured over this past many years... especially since 2005 forward. 

I know I need to get it out there for others to read, and hopefully show that they too can share their problems... people out there do care, even when you think they don't. 

So, as the days go by, keep me in your thoughts... lots of stuff going on with me right now. Some I cannot speak about much until later when things are more settled. 

As time goes on, I will be able to give more details about my life, and what is, is not, and what will go on, for my future. Of course, as I've found out through personal experience, as well as through the experiences of some of my friends especially on Facebook, we are never "guaranteed", what the future will hold. I was thinking about that just a bit ago while I was in the kitchen. In 2010, on Feb. 2nd, which would have been my Dad's birthday, I went to the ER via ambulance, sicker than I can remember... they thought it was my Gallbladder. Well, it came out, and I appeared to be getting better. Yet, within 10 hours or so, I was so ill, they feared I may not pull through. They rushed me via ambulance to Methodist in Dallas, where I stayed 6 weeks. They told us I had a "collapsed" bile duct, that my liver had a nick on it, from the surgery and it was pouring "poison" into my abdomen. I had tubes of stuff coming out of me for weeks and weeks. I didn't even get them out until much later after I came home. Honestly, I don't think they really ever knew what was wrong exactly. I was told by all of my physicians, including my PCP, they thought I would frankly, die... although I am still here, but it was a scary, very long 4 months or even more before I felt like I truly may live. I could not eat nor drink for something like 6 weeks. They fed me via IV the entire time... so we never know... a guy I know that was the "picture of health" in his mid 40's, was found by his wife on the floor when she got home from errands. He had a massive brain bleed. Turned out after having to remove a part of his skull to relieve the pressure, he had had a stroke... and maybe unable to move on his entire right side the rest of his life.

I just read where a friend on Facebook who has "RSD", and I don't know a lot about it, although I do know some... she is very young, and facing having her arm amputated today! It appears where blood may not get to certain areas due to nerve issues, thus it appears like she has the massive sores like an infection on her lower arm. So, they are taking her arm off partially it appears down below the elbow.

Another friend here I went to school with is battling cancer. She had it when we were still in high school! And she kicked its butt. Now, after over 30 plus years, it is back, and she is fighting daily with pain, from a tumor that is pressing on her sciatic nerve. 

That is just a few I can think of... My Dad basically went like of like that... had a knee replacement, and something just went terribly wrong... and he passed away in the hospital.... so we never know, from moment to moment what may happen...


The accident Jim had last year March 2014, who would have known an 18 wheel tractor trailer would have ran him over and now he is partially paralized from about his mid-chest down. 

Those again are just a few that I can think of now, and there are so many more of us that either have suffered like that, or know of dear family or friends, that within a breaths space... have gone through horrid and almost unbelievable health experiences. 


RSD - http://rsds.org/



Ankylosing Spondylitis -   (AS)
http://www.spondylitis.org/about/as.aspx




 

Just How Much Autoimmune Illnesses Impact Our Daily Lives - from the Quality of Living to Our Jobs, families, and More

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/294416.php

Below are just SOME of the Stats About how RA Effects Lives... You can see more at:

http://rheumatoidarthritis.net/graphics/in-america-studies/ra-in-america-2015/

Wondering If I "Offended" anyone? Living a Life of never knowing what is around the corner, one day to the next.

As of lately, between thunderstorms, rain that seems to be never ending, concerns for loved ones and others I know that could be caught in these rushing waters somewhere, and all of the things I've seemed to either "get behind" on, or feel as if I am moving again, too slowly.

I know, another very long, drawn out sentence to start a post. As usual. from brain fog, to wondering what comes next, I am not sure what to us. I've awakened a couple of nights in a row, feeling as if I was being suffocated. Some of it, I'm sure just upset over all of the tremendous amount of rain, thunderstorms, water, and problems that go along with all of it.

I've got to make a couple of decisions in regard to my own health, that are not easy to make. As I've said now for weeks, Mom and I have been so looking forward to going for a overnight stay, a girls day and night out, away from all of the drama that continues to surround my life.

After going for months, and not hearing from our lawyer, about three days ago, finally after I had made a step in their direction, we get an email from an "assistant attorney" at our lawyer's office. She had read my email, and saw that I was in a bit of a fluster, not hearing anything from them for months, she comes back with her own email about some paperwork they need. There are some things that need to be clarified from information that a gentleman came down here and got from Jim. I believe it was more of a testing, of just how badly his memory, and that had been still trying to piece that information together. They also want names of doctors and addresses of course of any doctors Jim has seen over the past several months, since he gave them everything from the hospital.

We tend to think that "maybe", and that is a huge maybe, something may try to move forward now. Since "our attorney" is asking for information they may have some idea about the possibility of this not going on to a "jury and trial". I would "assume" that the other party involved in all of this would not want to "air" all of the details out in the "Dallas" area. But, we of course don't have a clue, as to what type of "witnesses" that we have "been told" they gotten depositions from. I cannot fathom, many "witnesses" to this at all. Only those involved in the wreck, being that it was on I-45, a very busy portion at that coming into the Dallas City Limits. and was no real "houses" to amount to anything in that area, If they do or did have a "look" it couldn't have been very much. That entire area, is more or less not filled with any real residential areas, with the exception, of the possibility of some type of apartments, and they would be kind of difficult to get a very good look at something on that stretch of highway, that happened that rapidly, to be able to say one way or the other what you "may have seen".... plus there as far as we know were no people that "stopped" and asked to help. With the accident as bad as it was, if someone had really seen what took place, I can't imagine them not stopping at the very least to not try and get 911 there, and even possibly get Jim out of that car. Of course He thought there was, but later we found out, what he thought I believe was the actual fire crew that came in and had to literally cut him out of the car. As far as we know there was not anyone that stopped to help. So, "onlookers" (I was not there so I can't say with certainty) seems kind of doubtful at this point.

I've been through that area now on several occasions driving back and forth to doctors, and unless it is one particular "house" or more like an apartment building, there is nothing "facing" the highway enough to see what really went on..


None the less, we also don't know whom it telling what, and whom knows anything, and maybe there is "not" a "witness"... but the other parties of course are going to "stir" the soup of a mess in any way they can in order to make the situation a bit deeper into a pile of crap honestly.

I am going to "end" this here. It is already after 2:30 on Friday afternoon. I've been so busy these past several days, and still am having to deal with whether to attempt Dallas and go to the Casino Sunday.. OR wait until my doctors appointment that is Wednesday afternoon, and we would be about an hour and 20 minutes away from the Casino then. We could even stay Wed. night and Thursday night... if we did that... the weather "supposedly" is going to be out of the woods as far as thunderstorms and all that has been going on. I have not packed yet, and I should have went to town today, but I don't want to attempt to wash the car until tomorrow... when hopefully it won't be as "muddy" as today. I can tell I am tired... my eyes are seeing "double vision" even with my glasses on as I type. So, I know I am just exhausted.... anyway, I think I am off to the sofa for now and give thought to what I may want to do about all of this...

Lupus awareness Month Started May 1st"

Here we are, the time flying by. It seems like just yesterday was the beginning of the new year. Now we are already experiencing "spring" in the air, Fall has faded, Winter has "winterized" and with Spring Comes "Lupus Awareness Month"!

There will be MANY activities this month from walks, to all types of other advocate projects that you can help with.

The most important thing you can do is "Spread the Word" and educate others about Lupus!

I have literally been surprised at how many people, including  Medical Professionals, are not familiar with Lupus. Difficult to believe with all of the information out there about treatments, medications, new medications on the horizon, social media, U-Tube, and many, many of us are continually "hooked into" being online in some realm.

So, it is time to tell your story about Lupus. Tell a friend, post it in your local newspaper as an Op-Ed, or send a Letter to the Editor. Post a poster on your Facebook, or blog.

There are many ways you can reach out and let others know about this serious, life altering, life taking illness.

Dealing with Chronic Diseases and Chronic Pain that seems to steal your entire life...

Sometimes I feel as if I write the same old song and dance, over and over again. Yet, as I was glancing as some email newsletters I get, once again for the Thousandth time, there it is in my face, talking about not being able to travel "too far away from home", or how these illnesses take you so far down in fatigue that the simplest things you used to be able to do, now are like monumental achievements.

I always try and bring myself back to "Okay, it could be worse"?! Well, what does that mean for any given person... worse as far as I am not in the bed 24/7/365? Worse that right now I am "well enough" to not be on the sofa for many hours of the day? Worse as in, I can still walk without a cane or a walker, I still have my eyesight, I still can talk, and okay all of that "same old stuff". Worse as in, gosh there are so many others out there that have it "worse"? That is dependent on who is viewing it, at any given time. For one person that might mean a "bad" day or two.
For others it may mean they had to cut a vacation down and come home a day early, or cancel dinner plans for an evening, or decide to order take out because they were too fatigued to cook. I've "entered" a couple of different items for this month. One is sponsored by the Sjogren's Foundation, due to April being Sjogren's Awareness Month. Each day we must think of "ONE" word to describe "Sjogren's". The other sponsored by WEGO Health, is April is "Writer's Challenge Month". Each day they give us a "prompt" and we are to write about how that particular thing effects us. Some medical and some just life as it is stuff.

Over the past 8 or so years, once all of the autoimmune issues came to light, I had high hopes that with a more "specific" diagnosis (or more than one) between the doctors, myself, medications, and taking care of "me" would mean finding a much better quality of life in my future. Now, each day, I come to terms with the pure and simple truth. Unless something miraculous happens in the thorns and arrows slung at all of us with these hideous illnesses, I nor anyone will ever find they have a "better quality of life." I think we "fool" ourselves into thinking, "we must remain focused on the good, on the "half full" rather than half empty glass. We must think that against all odds, look how many others have out smarted all types of "basically deadly" diseases, and are here to witness to us that it can and does happen.

Yet, me putting on that happy face, yet inside deep inside both hips it is like a ball of fire inside, churning, aching, burning, and how do I "ignore" that kind of pain? Then I find out last night, and I mean very late evening, that after waiting 2 weeks to see my orthopedic doctor who has done both knee replacements, and much more now does NOT take my insurance? And the woman on the phone was an absolute witch. When I began to ask about me paying for the visit, she snapped back at me, an office visit is "$175.00"! Well, in the first place they should have KNOWN right away, and in fact when I called and made the appointment, she even looked at my file and saw that I had the insurance and never uttered a word that he was no longer taking it! Well, that leaves me in a world of hurt, now over 2 weeks. If they had told me that in the very beginning, I could have either tried to find another orthopedic doctor, OR just paid cash for the visit and the injections.

I was still so totally upset by the entire ordeal, that I called his office again this morning and spoke with HIS nurse/office manager. She told me the "visit" for me since I am an established patient is $75.00, then the injections are $100.00 each. So, the lady from the entire doctors building didn't know the circumstances, and didn't realize I had been seeing him for many years. I can also say that if I had been able to get hold of him, he would have charged me less, and did the injections. Him and I have been through several situations involving my own self, and then a surgery he did on my Mom, so he is well aware that when I ask something or say something, then it is something I am extremely concerned about.

Then you take this new stupid insurance, which means if I see another specialist that I've not seen in a long while, then we have to go back to square 1 and get a "referral" done to satisfy the insurance company. Fortunately my neck and shoulder orthopedic surgeon IS taking the insurance!!! So, even though I have to wait another week, which sucks because today is more than pain, hurt, despair... almost intractable pain in my very lower back and especially my hips, that even higher on my waistline hurts, at least I can see someone I know and trust. He has a "jackass" bedside manner. But, if you overlook that, he is EXCELLENT or more than that, THE VERY, VERY BEST Orthopedic Surgeon in the US, as far as I am concerned.

When I was first sent to him due to needing a complete reverse shoulder replacement, of which not many specialists do them, we kind of got off on the wrong foot. He is one that prefers an "less educated" person, as far as their medical situation. He is not thrilled over someone like myself, that comes in, with all of my own home work done, and knowing just about what the issue is with me, then telling him. He is not very happy about a "patient" that he feels thinks "they know" more than he does. Of course I don't BUT, when it comes to myself, my own surgeries, illnesses, and all I've been through in many ways, I am almost an "expert" in some things with my own stuff.  Well, when I went in and seen him for the shoulder, gave him the "low down" on the entire mess I had been through, where the pain way, how many other "scoped" surgeries I had, and in the last my other orthopedic surgeon told me that there was "nothing else" their to repair. The next step HAD to be a "reverse shoulder replacement". And it took weeks and weeks to find one. Then same with my neck. Right after the shoulder surgery, within 3 months I began to have once again a "similar" issues with my shoulder blade. As I again had done, researched it all, and the pain "seemed" to be coming from my cervical spine. Well, he did a special CT on it, since I can't have MRI's, and that CT was terrible. The tech that did it, was not in the right place to do business, and he really was NOT elated at all. He "went off " on me, stating just because I do research online, does not make me an expert, and he really got pissed about my "input". So, I am not sure what happened, but within a week or so, he decided my "theory" maybe right. Since my other orthopedic problems never do "show" on CT's, MRI's... whatever kind of "scan" they do, it is always MUCH WORSE in that joint, than what it showed. So, that was my continued premise. He decided that I could be right, thus he set up to have me on the operating table, and do a 4 level disectomy, and also fusion to at least two of them.

Well, as sure as I am writing this, for the most part, what I had "said" and drawn in my own conclusions, were almost to the "letter" when he opened up the neck and began to see the issues. That is why I say, he is an excellent physician, one of the very best in orthopedics, yet his bedside manner sucks... and once I could look past that, and HE could ACCEPT that in some ways I COULD BE correct, it worked out fine.

Thus, having to wait yet another over a week to get some relief sucks.On top of everything else, I am not so sure about this "forminal" lumbar injection that is supposed to be done Thursday. Now I found out, it is not the "anesthesia that they concern themselves with, as far as the patient driving home. It is the epidural injections in themselves. In that part of the spine, it may make my legs feel a bit "heavy" or numb a bit after its done. Not everyone has that, but some do. Thus the reason not to go alone. But, when you have no one else to drive you, what the hell do you do? Forget it? I mean Mom and Jim both can go, but when it comes to driving, that will be me. Neither of them cam drive to Dallas and back.

So, now I also know this orthopedic doctor could also do those injections too. So, do I hold off, and then have then done later by him...


These are the very examples of why life deems itself much, much more frustrating and difficult when you are suffering from chronic illnesses and/or pain... ALL of it is a "PAIN" in one way or the other....

WEGO Health Awards Judging, Chronic Illnesses, Pain & The Brave People That Find the Strength and Courage to Talk, Blog & Write about it

As I worked on my WEGO Judging over the past couple of weeks, I've found that there are some incredibly strong women (and men) out there living their lives everyday, with one, two, three and more chronic illnesses, syndrome, and pain. They have also been through the HELL of hospitalizations that lasted for months, endless surgeries, transfusions, being not even able to eat and being fed through an IV (as I did in 2010), and some of them like myself, at that time the doctors really DID NOT KNOW what was wrong with me. My own PCP has made the statement since then on several occasions that he was extremely concerned back then I was going to die. Endless numbers of specialists came to see me... most of them were of a foreign decent, and frankly I could not understand what they were saying to me. Many of them at the time, didn't really know what the hell "Lupus" was. They blamed some of my illness on the Lupus, yet, they also were treating me for what they told us later was a "collapsed" bile duct. It was literally leaking poison into my abdominal cavity, rather than it going out of my system and being filtered out by my intestines, and out as it should. I had several "tubes" running outside of my right side. Later I had to even come home with them still in place, and we had to watch the fluid that came out into the bag, to make sure it was becoming more "clear" and not bloody etc. I went through that for several weeks. For at least 6 weeks I never put a drop of food or anything to drink in my mouth. There was a huge bag of "nutrients" that was white, and I was told it was a certain concoction mixed up by the pharmacy for me. I went through nights that I barely knew where I was. In fact, I spent mt 50th birthday having yet another surgery. Jim, my son, and my Mom were there because they had told me to "call my family" in, "just in case".... "Just in Case"???? I had at least 8 or 9 other IV bags hanging and pouring into me, pain medications that I watched the clock for and begged each moment I knew I could have more.... I really have never "told" this entire story, from start to finish, here or on my blog. I have put bits and pieces about it over the years on both, as well as it will be in my book. It took my system weeks to even be able to withstand a regular sip of "Coca-Cola in it. It would put my entire stomach and intestines into a "tailspin" and the next thing I knew nurses had to come in and change my entire bed, put me into the shower (dammit they never warmed it up enough and this was the middle of February and one of the coldest Winters in TX since I had been back).... any thing that was "food" "stunk" to me. Jim would go and try to find something I could stand to even remotely put into my stomach, and even certain kinds of bread smelled so bad to me there was no way I could take even a bite. Why I am telling this now here, I am not sure. Probably due to one of the blogs I read over the past few days, and her own battle with what later was diagnosed properly as Crohn's. But, more than that, it seems each year that February rolls around, which my Dad's birthday was on the 2nd, Ground hogs day, and mine of course just passed on the 15th, almost a Valentine Baby.. and it brings all of those weeks and weeks, and honestly months back into my memory. How ill I really was, and how it truly it is a miracle I am here today to type about this.... so ALL of you... everyone of you that have the stamina, bravery, the "guts" (no pun intended), the wear with all, strength... and many more descriptive words to say how incredible you are to tell "your" story. Whether it be autoimmune in nature, arthritic, FM, MS, and all of the other Chronic Illness and Pain so many of us endure... so WE can go out and tell others "it is okay"... you are still you.... you are not "less than", that life can be full, and fun... you just have to sometimes decide upon a "new kind of normal"... that is what I have to do, and even now... "normal" can change at any given time... I am THANKFUL, to be here this morning and able to tell a portion of my story... and I am thankful for my family, my spouse, kids and Mom, that support and love me, even though I feel like I disappoint them at times... and my true friends here that also love me for me... sick, well, mad, depressed, happy, or whatever I maybe at that moment, those out there know I mean you... that support and love me unconditionally, with Lupus, with Sjogren's, now with dentures and not my teeth, with the joints replaced, and the pain pump hanging from my right side... I am still "me"... and I feel blessed.... thank all of you for accepting me no matter whether brain fog hits, or I find myself on the sofa for the day, or I am up cleaning and doing "normal" things.... I am blessed.

Primary or Secondary Sjogren's - Not getting enough attention, research, medications and answers!

 http://www.ehow.com/about_5515797_sjogrens-lung-disease.html

http://www.ehow.com/about_5501450_stages-sjogrens-syndrome.html

 

http://www.sjogrens.org/

I REALLY have been pushing about Sjogren's now for a long while. It seems I never REALLY had ANY of my doctors take it all that seriously, even as many times as I brought up the dry mouth, dry eyes, all of the mouth lesions I had and so forth. Then when only about a year ago, I began having my teeth literally rot off at the gum line and fall out, I began to see them a little more concerned. YET, I am STILL THE ONE who really pushed for the medication, which for Sjogren's there is only two. I tried both and am on Pilocarpine and have been for a long while. I spent several years chewing gum with no sugar and the Xilytol or however it is spelled in it, because it was supposed to HELP with moisture in the mouth, used eye drops and still felt like I cannot talk very long without being hoarse and sometimes losing my voice, or if I go anywhere, I have to talk something to drink... not even to the Wally World, and if I am going to shop, that means picking up a bottle of diet Sunkist, or green tea or something, so I can drink it as I shop. If I get in the car to go anywhere very far away from home, I go with a drink and gum. Well, of course ALL of what the few teeth I had left, by the time we finally found out how much damage was done, did make little difference. The "complete surround kind of special X-Ray" of my mouth, teeth, and jawbone, showed 99 percent of my teeth already going to rot out anyway. Thus as many of you know I went through the torture of having the rest pulled, fitted with dentures, of which AGAIN due to the Sjogren's, the bottom ones won't "hold" at all. You also need some "moisture" to help keep them in... the top ones do fairly well. I guess I have enough with the "suction" of them, along with the powdered Fixodent that goes on them, for the most part they stay in fairly well. So, I had to wait at the very least 90 days after they were all extracted before we could even think about the "mini implanted" little pins that my bottom ones will be fitted on, after they are implanted down into my jawbones in 4 places. Then my dentures will be "modified" to fit down on those pins which should hold them into place. I also found out, that the top ones they "usually" don't pin, which I thought they did. BUT, if mine won't stay in as well as they should then I look at putting 4 MORE on the top!!! Which will be ANOTHER OVER $600.00 FOR EACH PIN!!! Of course I still have the "oral/maxillary fissure" which sounds horrid, but a small hole as I have said before between my mouth and sinus passage caused by a root to pull a hole in it, when the tooth was extracted. So, that also is contributing to the top one coming a bit loose at times. Air can get in underneath it from that hole and then it makes the "grip" it has to the pallet of my mouth break loose. Anyway, back to my issues with Sjogren's. I REALLY feel as much as I PUSH for RA, Lupus, Raynaud's, Sjogren's, MS, FM... and other autoimmune illnesses and/or rheumatic and arthritic diseases, that Sjogren's needs to truly be addressed much further also. When it can truly cause as much damage to vital organs, eyes, mouth, teeth, stomach lining, the esophagus, swallowing, drying any "form" of mucous membrane, plus now I read that there is about a 50% CHANCE OF DEVELOPING NON-HODGINS LYMPHOMA, if you have Sjogren's! Women, of course tend to me at much higher risk due to the Sjogren's being Autoimmune in Nature. So, as I begin to think about my new book that I shall be writing on over the next year or so, and doing my part as far as helping to be a voice, to advocate, to be an activist, volunteer and Ambassador, for I feel ALL of those are very crucial also, I am going to be trying to learn a great deal more about Sjogren's, both primary and secondary. I also would love to hear from any of you that have it in either way. I am going to post this on my blog (by the way I am waiting to see some comments and posts from you guys and gals also)... and would love to have some of you jump on the band wagon about Sjogren's. It can be a highly dangerous, and sometimes deadly illness in itself. Plus you can also have Celiac Disease due to Sjogren's too.

Some of Life's Little Disappointments - Especially When It Involves People, Promises and Illness

I've been on what some might call a "tear", "Rampage", "soap box", "griping session", or just plain bitchaaaching and griping over the past couple of weeks.

As this age, one would think by now, I would totally understand PEOPLE will let you down, disappoint you, make you feel less than, not as good as, or like you are some 3rd "rate romance", in some "motel rendezvous" - Touche' as some would say. A title to a song by Sammy Kershaw if my memory or what's left of it serves me correctly. Well, someone may have actually recorded it before him, but I do remember liking his version, especially with his voice singing it.

I am NOT "literally" speaking of any "incident" involving some 3rd rate romance or any kind of motel rende-anything... but the "feeling" you must have when you feel like you have some how it "bottom" of the pile of humanity. Those that seem to be sitting on top of you, and not even caring they are smashing your
"innards" onto the floor just beneath you.

I will say, taking totally up for ME, I've in all honesty, sick, not sick, felt like crap or not, kind of like "sickness and in health" have worked my butt off the past two years and honestly more, as a voice, advocate, volunteer, activist and Ambassador for the things I hold near and dear to my "stance" about humanity. I am definitely and maybe even a bit defiantly cut from a "different mold" than some. I would think that from the time I was about 4 years old, I totally became different than many kids, and later on, than many adults I have known or heard of. I have kind of "beat and whistled" my own horn and drum so to speak. I rarely go for the "normal" of anything. I've never felt being "normal" was anything but basically boring. And who in this day and age of almost being able to do anything... the SKY literally is the limit... would want to spend their life normally boring??? I did for years, OR I tried to "think" I was going with the general flow of those around me. Well, hell, I can attest that now I realize where I went, what I did, who or whom I met, saw, spoke to, and how I decided many years ago to live my life... was for many NOT considered anything but normal.


Sometimes I have to wonder if that is the reason I am "chronically ill".. as silly as that sounds, let me explain further. For those of us that are fortunate enough to have very little issues with our health, then you truly cannot possibly put "your feet in someone's shoes" that are chronically ill and/or in chronic pain. If you have been one of the people that rarely missed a day of school, went on to college, and the same happened, then you went out into the working world, got a job, and you just never miss work because of illness, surgery, and so forth. I have to wonder if that is even the "norm" now days. Maybe it is because I am a fully fledged "chronic illness" survivalist, that knows rarely a day that everything physically feels ALL RIGHT! It is usually one, two, three or more things happening to me physically, that effects my emotional and mental health also. If you awake to pain every morning of your life... you know without a shadow of a doubt (unless some miracle happened in the night) that you WILL awaken with some kind of ache, pain, or something that kind of makes your start of the day, a bit slower than many. For those like myself, that have to run to your desk (well almost more like crawl) take all of the "early morning" medication that you HOPE will give you a reprieve from pain, illness, or whatever maybe happening on any given morning of the week or weekend... so that is in itself is your 1st priority. Then you dive into go and turn on the coffee pot, and probably take a look at the MANY things on your list or lists that you either NEED to, HAVE to... get done... or more like what you can possibly PUT OFF until the next day or later in the day once your joints, bones, hips, shoulders, neck, feet, ankles, thumbs and probably the rest of you are kind of "lubricated", jump started like a small car battery, & then after the brain fog lifts... you maybe able to begin your day.

ADDING THIS FROM TODAY SINCE IT KIND OF GOES ALONG WITH THE ABOVE... NOVEMBER 9TH 2014...

AND HERE I GO AGAIN... STILL ON MY "SOAP BOX"....


As if I were not busy and stressed enough I decided to take the Defensive Driving Test again... just for the 10 percent off my insurance but all and any discounts help for sure. I am doing it all online which is great. But, damned I don't remember it being as long as it is now. It has been a long time I guess since I took it last. So, they have probably added more to it due to cell phones and all of the new technology in cars that can help and also hinder with distractions.... so now I am in the middle of that, along with waiting for Geico to answer a question before I change policies, and then I had paperwork to come in for another thing I am in that has to be done every 7 months, I have three appts next week, the dentist, blood work and my heart doctor, plus my last Arthritis Foundation Ambassador meeting for my year of training is Tuesday afternoon, so I find out it if I've done everything to be an Ambassador, plus possibly did the extra things in order to be a "Platinum Ambassador". I found out the article that I've sent to our newspaper goes in (either it went in yesterday and wouldn't you know I did not get my paper) or it goes in tomorrow. I had an email from the new editor of the paper. I had sent it in about 3 weeks ago, and heard nothing. So, I resent the email, and still did not hear anything. I went down there early last week with a copy of the email and the article. The woman told me then they were having a change of staff, thus the delay. Well, I got a very nice email from the new "editor" who told me he was going to make it a "Highlighted" Article in the "Life Style Page" with my photo on it and everything! So, it is in the works also... but through all of this, then have have a "week" reprieve from APPTS!!! - only to have ONE EVERY DAY OF THANKSGIVING WEEK!! I HAE TO HAVE my pain pump refilled 2 days before Thanksgiving, Mom and I see the PCP the Monday of that week, and then I have to go back to Dallas to see my Rheumatologist the day BEFORE Thanksgiving... when ahe the heck am I supposed to have any time for a holiday... sometime next year I guess!!! It is insanity, and that week will be nuts anyway, due to many being off the entire week, kids out of school, parents possibly taking a few extra days off... I hate to think about Dallas Traffic... especially during the week of a major holiday... nuts, they already can't drive on normal days, much less during holiday time... I dread it... MY problem is also I am not feeling very well at all... I thought a few days ago I might be either coming down with something, or had a flare coming, ... and I just have not had the energy I really need to get over all of these doc visits, taking care of the house, grocery shopping... speaking of... I went Friday for my "stock up" we are OUT OF everything grocery trip... and I knew it would be a load. I took in about 7 or 8 reusable bags knowing I would probably fill them full. Well, I got about 3/4 of the way through my list, and I was hurting so badly in my lower back, my right hip and lower back, and side began to just hurt like hell. My feet were hurting like they do in the mornings when I first get up, and I was just almost not able to push the basket around. I had to LEAVE off part of my list, get in line, check out, get them to carry the bags to the car, and go directly home. I was a total wreck, by the time I drove home, got 7 bags of groceries that I could barely lift into the house, and then had to put it all up... myself... Jim helped by helping me empty the bags and sort stuff out, but he can't bend over, reach up, get on a chair etc... so of course I still had to get everything put away, and was grateful I saved 46.00!!!!!! in coupons... but it took me a couple of hours to print some, cut all of them out and organize them, then get them and me to the store, and get them out and double check them as I bought items to make sure everything was correct and check out....then of course as I said above get them home, put up etc.... I have and continue to discover between the time it takes me to get ready, shower, hair, makeup, then to get everything prepared lists, coupons and so forth, put myself in the car, get to the store, and walk through a huge store then get everything home... it takes all of my SPOONS for the Day and then some... and IT SUCKS!!!!! It sucks to feel ill, it sucks to feel old, it sucks to look old, and it just all sucks right now.... I cannot seem to get myself organized enough anymore to keep me from taking 5 times as long as I used to before the illnesses....

Two Days of Insanity....

As just about anyone knows who follows my Facebook and blog site, you know about the accident that happened on March 26th 2014, to my husband Jim. Most of you knew I was in Washington D.C. at the time with the Arthritic Foundation, for the Annual Summit on Capitol Hill. It was my very first time to be in DC, as well as my first time to get the opportunity to voice my own personal struggles, along with all of our struggles, involving autoimmune illness, medications, lack of doctors, especially Pediatric Rheumatologists, and so forth. There has not been nearly enough done about these illnesses, ranging from not enough doctors, not enough research, not enough knowledge to those who have the illnesses or know someone that does, whether family, caretaker, friend and so on.

I felt my voice there and since then has been integral in helping to move forward and fight against illnesses such as RA, Lupus, Sjogren's, MS, FM, CFS, and the gamut of Autoimmune illnesses that we do not even realize exist. A new factor for me this year had been that I have "pernicious anemia", which is an autoimmune illness. Rather than being "anemic" my body does not absorb enough out of my food, and keep it going in my body as it should, thus I take B-12 supplements, which by the way, it is the B-12 it effects as far as the autoimmune part of this. Of course I am on a HUGE daily dose of Folic Acid" which is B-6, due to one of the medications I take. It depletes the body's Folic Acid, so I must supplement it daily with about 400 Times the amount a normal person would need. I found out that much of my horrible sores, thrush, and mouth ulcers were caused from a lack of Folic Acid. Once I began using it daily, at a high dose (it is water soluble so you can't get "too much") my mouth is not nearly as bad about having all types of sores, ulcers, sore throats, thrush and so on as I had before.

I had not given much thought that due to the "nature" of what all has transpired that I would not be able to "voice" the everyday thoughts I feel surrounding what all happened, has happened, and what may or may not happen over the next year. In a way, that makes me very sad. The very one outlet I have to things in life, from illness, to children, to Mom, marriage, and my own frustrations with illness, I always knew I could come here and "talk" about what was happening and not at the time had to "censor" what I spoke about when it came to life. Yet, now I feel this heavy burden, although never was my fault, and I never gave any idea to it, I am may not speak about all of what is happening as the time over the next few months go by, So, if I avoid that subject it is certainly not because it is forgotten, or it is not still a huge everyday part of my life, but because life is as it is, I have to "alter" my own voice, as far as my posts, and not speak, unless it is in a very general sense of what happened. Most everyone that comes to my blog, for the most part are people that are close to me, enough that they already know the ongoing saga from March 26th, 2014. So, there is really not a "need" for me to tell others, but more of a need for me to be able to "release" my ongoing revelations about that being what it seems life as it is right now evolves around. You tend to get up when the "rooster" crows with the thoughts of it spewing out of your brain, and then all day long it seems every thing, every where, all that you do is a reminder of the nightmare of having something so horrible happen in your life. Each time I close my eyes, that is a last thought, and each morning I awake with it as a first thought, and all through the days you tend to live out in thought of it. Then while you sleep the PTSD hits, and it can also happen during waking hours. All of you who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder know exactly what I mean... you spend your days trying to knock it off your shoulders and in the night, you try to take it out of your dreams, so you can at least have some peace during your sleep. Good Luck. Many people and I have even had the thoughts that "things" would be better as time goes by. Memories fade, time helps to heal the damage physically, mentally and emotionally. I can tell you that this... time has NOT erased, nor has it made it any better. If anything, each passing day the building up of being totally in damnation by all that is occurring around you, only grows larger, nothing fades. From the very 1st phone call, till the last piece of daily mail, to the questions, and I mean just daily questions, how are you, how are you getting by, how are things??? Questions, that sometimes I wished I could just say things SUCK! Things are worse, no better... life has lost its luster filled wonder, my dismay of voice, of writing, of being so caught up in something that I did NOT even have anything to do with, is running rampantly through my life and through my very veins, like the blood my heart pumps with every beat. You DON'T heal, not that quickly... you DON'T stop feeling guilty over something YOU DID NOT DO! You don't find a quick fix... there is none... so I plunge myself into trying to write, I plunge myself when I feel like it, trying to throw out all of the stuff in this house that are reminders of what life used to be like. I DON'T want to even remember a "good" or bad moment... I don't want to have to fear the past, present, or the future. I am sick and tired, of hearing, feeling, and being sick and tired. I am sick of bitching, griping, moaning, groaning and crying. I am sick of listening to others try to tell me it will work out, it will get better, because right now nothing seems better, everything seems out of sorts, out of whack, and I have lost all patience with those who think they can "fix" it for me. There is NO FIXING what is permanently broken.
My mouth and teeth for example. Let's get on that band wagon and have a talk about those. Of course not one dentist could fully assure me that my mouth would be better when all of my teeth that Sjögren's destroyed, when pulled out and dentures put in would be 100% better. I knew that. I am far from a moron, or from a dreamer. My "dreamer" stage left me a long time ago, after my job, and my life almost fell apart in Seattle. He threw enough sand in my eyes, and did enough damage to my heart, that I no longer am the "dreamer" I had been. I truly feel that is why the poetry I used to be able to write, sometimes 7 or 8 daily, don't come anymore. When Steve, did what he did, after bringing me over 3,000 miles away from my "home" and family, with promises that I would have a wonderful life in Seattle, to only shoot all of those good feelings down within a year or a little over after me getting settled in, with his cheating, lying deceitfulness... dreaming ... as far as being a dreamer, left. That is when a "new voice" emerged and my writing became totally different. It will never be as it was when I was that creature of wonderment, of discovery, of believing people truly cared.... he literally took his hand, reached in and pulled all of that from my heart, and threw it into the Sound at Seattle... for there is where all of those wonderment of feeling lie... in the Sound of Seattle... I can still at times feel the winds blowing across as I looked at the beautiful city, when I walked daily on Alki, loving each day there, and breathing new life, wanting and knowing a new glory would emerge.


I don't want to sound like I am that unhappy being here around my Mom, kids, and Grand Kids... and I am not putting down our lives, or feel "cheated" in some way as far as why we are here, and why we will probably continue to be right here, probably in the same house till Gabriel's horns blow. Yet, "cheated" from living life as I felt we would I can say is a terrible disappointment. Kind of like FINALLY after years and years... of not being able to say I was a "published author".... I got that opportunity... not only once but TWICE I can say I have two published books, and even have a "check" from the seller for two of them that actually sold! I am so tickled about it, I am not going to "cash" it, but frame it and put it on my wall by my computer and desk. Even though it is a mere little over 6.00, it still means that it is priceless to me. It gave me a tiny glimmer of "normal" and that a minute bit of my "hope" and Faith could actually coming back to me. Which is far from where I've been in the past 8 months or so. I had given up on normal forever, and as far as the glimmer of hope and faith; believe me it has been fading fast in the background of all that has taken place since 2005 and actually a bit before then.

As I had titled this post "Two Days of Insanity"... there were reasons for the title. I thought about "re-titling" the post, but whatever it is "called" will not change the meaning of the post in itself. I have been trying to squeeze in lots of my own personal advocacy and activist work, over the months, but between being gone to so many different appointments, taking care of all that needs to be done here at home daily. from taking out the trash to running to the market, it seems my time either is gone, or the energy that I did have in my "spoons" for the day are used up.

That should "stick" with me more than it does. When others ask me how I am doing, feeling, whether they mean illness wise, emotional wise, from autoimmune illnesses, to his issues with spinal cord injury, I really should say well I began this day with 8 spoons, getting showered and dressed took at least 2, maybe 3. By the time I had coupons ready, a list done, and ads matched up there flew out at least one at the very, very least. THEN I am looking at having at the most 5 spoons left. Well, by the time I run errands, get through the market, which here seems to be a nightmare any day of the week, or have to go and do something at Mom's,or it is laundry day, or I have to find and fix something for dinner, if I had already used up the left overs.... so I can contest, by then there are OVER 5 spoons used up, and my day is not over yet. 

I still have dishes to do, right now we are fighting "sugar ants", which I was raised here in TX, so here we called them "piss ants". Don't ask me why, but I always gathered it was because they were so extremely tiny... they will sniff out one crumb, and within an hour invade an entire bowl of dog food, if you are not watching. I decided to try something "harmless" to the dogs... so I read putting back soda around their bowls would stop the ants. They won't go into the baking soda. So, guess what? Both dog food bowls have baking soda surrounding them. Knowing my "Chi_Weenie".

Then I also read ants hate tea bags, like after you brew your tea, let the bag air dry and put it in the corner of a shelf where you have stuff it won't hurt and where you have seen ants. Hell I even bought the "good" any bait traps, and I am still finding ants in stupid places. I guess they are either hungry or thirsty. But, dammit I am sick of trying to keep from spraying Raid and getting the heck rid of them. Even though about a week ago, I bought "Raid" for ants mainly with a get this "Lemon scent". I hope the hell someone does not think it is furniture polish!!! And I sprayed it on a rag, and wiped down the splash boards window sills, everywhere and everything I could without getting it around food or anything else. And even after doing that, wiping, vacuuming, and spraying where I could. Plus I leave nothing "open". Anything from chips to bread, goes in the fridge. If it is something that possibly will attract an ant it goes in plastic or glass containers with lids on them. So, that the hellish little devils you would think would move on. I am NOT a fan of any kind of "bug".... from a spider, mosquito, I don't care what it is, if it is "creature" of any kind, it does NOT belong in my house. So, I am a real stickler for spraying the yard, all around the outside perimeter of the house, and then I keep the roach baits and ant baits out and update those about every 6 months. The ONE thing I cannot get rid of and that I despise so badly is those little freaky looking "newt" lizard looking things. They just make my skin crawl. Oddly enough all my life here in TX, before I went to Seattle in October of 2001, I had NEVER seen a "newt" or whatever at any of my homes... never... no kind of lizard thing. I had a mouse once, and actually had a possum climb up our pipe that came into the house to the water heater... and she actually took her scared butt down, got by the steps of our front porch and stayed there for weeks with babies clinging to her. It was weird. But no damned things like that. So, the first time I saw one in our home we live in now, I had no clue what the heck it was. Weird almost a pink iridecent looking thing that ran fast, looked like some kind of strange lizard, and I was hell bent to rid my house of those little bastards (excuse my French)... so here I go online to find out what to do to get rid of the damned things. We had gotten just about rid of the few mice in the attic, at the time they put that insulation down that is kind of like shredded looking newspaper. Other than that an occasional water bug, which won't last long here. or a spider that I also despise, thus I just knew I would find something to rid my house of those things. They certainly were not the cute little "GEIGO" Gecko... and even if they were I don't want them in my house....

Well, guess what ladies and gents! It is almost impossible to get rid of them. Undoubtably they are not effected by bug sprays, roach baits, spraying the outside all the way around the house, including the porches, and those damned things are just not subject to any of the poisons or baits. Well, I figured out they "hide" in the grooves of the siding and the frames of the windows and doors. They also hide behind out two front porch lights. Plus I would bet they are in the insulation of our walls. So, everything I read said leave them alone, they eat bugs and are harmless. They maybe harmless but they sure as hell don't look or move as if they harmless. They creep me out just about more than anything other than a snake.

Anyway, how I ever got off on that tangent I am not sure other than the one thing that came to mind, is one of our "storm windows" on the  kitchen window has just "popped loose" and was hanging there by a couple of screws. I almost fainted! If that sucker falls out and breaks we are in deep crap. They are not cheap, and we still need to buy all the ones that go over the windows in our music room. There are I believe there are 5 of those at about $80.00 plus a piece, because they are made to specifically fit the windows. We were going to get the man who put up all of the rest of them to get us those for a bit cheaper rate, and then he would put them up  ... of course something else always comes up thus we did not have the money or time now and again to finish them.. and they need to be done... those old windows back there do not even have any of the push pins and the stuff you put around the windows to seal the glass in.... the glaze is just about out of all of them, then we had hail knock a hole in one while Jim was in the hospital, so I have it all put together with cardboard and lots of duct tape... 9,999 uses for duct tape, a wire coat hanger, and WD-40!  

More later.... got to get dressed to take my Mom to shop...

Spinal Cord injury, Lupus, Sjogren's, RA - ?? Happy 4th (Belated) Hope All is Safe - And What in the World is Happening to our World?

I started off with the title of this such as it is, because This post will be a conglomeration of ideas, of things going on... of how tough like can be... how things can change within the blink of an eye... and no matter where you turn er either have some "natural" disaster, man made disaster, or for the most part , if it is not one thing happening, it is another.
As far as Jim and how he is with the spinal cord injury... which I am just now honestly beginning to truly understand how long something like this can take to even show symptoms.... it can be months and months before the "cord" itself comes out of " spinal cord shock", plus healing all of the bruising, swelling and surgery.
Then I find out about this ( definition ) "Spasticity"(Spasticity is a feature of altered skeletal muscle performance in muscle tone involving hypertonia; it is also referred to as an unusual "tightness", stiffness, or "pull" of muscles. The word spasm comes from the Greek word σπασμός (spasmos), meaning "drawing, pulling." Clinically, spasticity is defined as velocity-dependent resistance to stretch, where a lack of inhibition results in excessive contraction of the muscles, ultimately leading to hyperflexia, an exaggerated deep tendon reflex on stimulation with a reflex hammer (or spontaneous firing of deep tendon reflexes as in clonus.) and how even though he was in the hospital 3 months, went through ICU, Acute Care, and to Rehab; then another Rehab... and out of the "hospitals" and into "outpatient therapy". Let me say that Baylor of Dallas is one "HUGE monstrosity" of a Hospital. And that is not including all of their other specialty's from the Cancer Hospital to the Dental College. We we blessed (if you want to call this horrid wreck blessed) that it happened so close to Baylor Hospital they immediately took him there. ALL of our hospitals have their own specialty's but Baylor is just a "golden" egg for Rehab and accidents with lots of brain injury, or spinal cord and nerves.. they have some of the best there.
I knew I would write about the entire happenings (since there were more than on thing that happened at the same time) that could have made the entire nightmare much worse than it is. Some people may look at Jim, on his cane, with his legs quite "wobbly" at time, his neck sometimes bent over, or his shoulders tend to want to roll forward, and they "wonder" if he had a stroke etc. I usually come right out and tell what (Tiffany) calls the "Elevator" story.. He was headed o I-45 to the DFW Airport. As he came upon the outskirts of Dallas and on I-45 where his has several 'In's and Out's... changing lanes and so forth... for NO APPARENT reason we have yet to see or know, he was HIT from BEHIND (now he was driving 60 MPR which is the speed limit through there) an 18 Wheel Tractor Trailer Rig , full speed rammed him from the back, enough we "think" that then it shoved our car under a "Tahoe" which was in the next lane to Jim's right. Then it seems our car slowed after all of that, but continued to "spin" over into another land and it appears he was slammed again by the tracker trailer --- he was "hit" at least Twice, and at a very fast speed to have done the absolutely horrible damage to what now does not even appear to be a car. Jim, does NOT REMEMBER ANY of this. All he remembers he was head North on "I-45 to go to DFW Airport for a plane to Washington DC, WHERE I WAS at the time this all took place. The ONLY thing he said was 2 "people" tried to get him out of the car & could not, so the firemen came to "cut him" out of the car. Well I think he of course already had "MASSIVE physical damage to his body" as well as a concussion, and the "men" were probably the firemen and the ambulance drivers there. From what I & he knows he was unconscious almost the entire time. I know he did "HEAR" something that terrified him though. We were in the Taco Bell parking lot a couple of weeks ago, and I accidentally cut the corner a little to quickly so it kind of made a scraping sound as a "wreck" might and he almost fainted it scared him so badly. So, I am GLAD honestly he does not "remember" the wreck. I think he would have many more issues mentally and emotionally had he been awake.
I was called from Baylor by a trauma unit doctor, while I was in Washington DC..and what made that so bad, is that his Mom had just walked up & thought I was crying "happy" tears that I was getting to meet her, see DC...and all of that. So, a gentleman who helped me through this entire ordeal took over the phone & got the injury reports, if Jim was able to talk, was he able to recognize, and his injuries were etc. I had to tell Jim's Mom whom I had NEVER met, but talked to over the phone for about 10 years that her son was in ICU due to a very bad auto accident. At that moment I just crumpled to the floor in the lobby the of Hilton DC. I could not think, talk, answer, I had just had news that was so totally unbelievable & that I had no clue how to get home (I was supposed to fly home with Jim on Sunday after we had visited The Capitol, DC, His Mom and had a mini vacation. There was a guy who was just monstrosity with everything that had to do with RA,Osteoarthritis, Juvenile Arthritis, and so forth. He spends ALL of his time when he is not working at Summits, meetings, and putting his efforts into helping especially the kids that like his daughter, was diagnosed with JRA at the age of 9 MONTHS OLD! His name is Chris, and was right there trying to do everything to help me that he could. He went to the head sponsor over the Summits, and Laura who is with the Arthritis Foundation and she had a ticket for me to fly out within an hour or two back to Dallas, so I could go be with Jim. At the time we did not know if he was even stable enough to make it. So, even though I was so about leaving his Mom there alone to deal with it all, I knew I had to get back home and to Baylor quickly. My son, Jason who at the time was in Houst working, got the word and he headed up I-45 to come to the airport and pick me up. He ran into some bad weather, yet he got there about 45 minutes after my plane landed. Chris stayed with me the entire time, checking on me, carried my luggage, getting me through check points with bothering me about my pain pump and so forth, thus we made it on just in time. He was a couple of rows behind me, and I was just blessed beyond words to have had him in our summit "group" and then to help with everything he could do in order that I got home. It was amazing.
As I have written to Laura on several occasions, I will never forget the kindness  the "Arthritis Foundation gave to me in my time of need, and I hope to be able to pay them back and even more in my own advocacy work, monetary when we ever get some of that, & to help in any way I can to make sure I spread the word about how important their foundation is. I have read that already on two occasions OUR SUMMIT in MARCH 26, 2014 already helped to PASS TWO of the three legislative issues that the Arthritis Foundation were there advocating for!!! That is just incredible!
So, here "WE" (I) am in the smack dab middle of my own nightmare with Sjögren's Syndrome and trying to figure out the "mini implants" (not sure why they call them "mini"..... this is certainly no "Mini experience". By the time I am through I MIGHT be able to eat Christmas Dinner 2014, if I am fortunate!

Want to Update everyone here.... things are not very well right now

I am going to just "post" a few of my Facebook posts so everyone will know WHY I have not said much here about the Arthritis Summit....

I will say it was AWESOME! I would go back again in a heart beat! it was one of the best experiences of my life. When I get some pictures out of the camera etc. I will definitely tell you more about all of it.


But, just about the time the Summit finished up, my family suffered HORRIBLE, almost NIGHTMARE NEWS!!! My husband Jim, has only a "Step-Mom" other than me in his family. He had not seen her in over 12 years and I had not met her even though we have been married almost 10 years. So, Jim is originally from Washington DC. This was a perfect time for him to meet me after the Summit on Wednesday, we could stay with his Mom, and get to visit with her. And he could show me the "rest" of DC!!! Well, she was coming to pick me up, His plane was not due in until after 5:00pm due to me thinking we may not get back from the House of Representatives until 5pm or so from the schedule. But, we were back by noon. So, she was going to pick up me, and take me to her home, and he was going to come into Falls Church via the Train or whatever... anyway he would be very close once he got his luggage & came to that station. Well, she misunderstood and went to the "other" Hilton in DC, thinking I was there, rather than at the Capitol Hilton. So, she was late. I was outside enjoying the sun, since the day before we were in sleet and HUGE snow flakes, and COLD all day long. The wind was still cold, but the sun kind of warmed it up a bit. Anyway, due to the buses, etc. my cell phone was ringing, but I could not hear or feel it. I happened to go back in and see if I had missed her somehow and then I saw my daughter had called like 7 times!!! I knew SOMETHING was very wrong....So, I find out that my husband Jim, while on his way in Dallas to the airport to come to DC, was in an extremely bad car accident. As best as we know at the moment, an 18 wheeler rear ended him, and then shoved him up under a car or truck in front of him. We also were told the car may have spun him into other traffic. Needless to say, he is in one heck of a mess. Just about every RIB on BOTH sides are broken. They did massive 8 LEVEL back surgery Thursday that took 7 hours... from C-7 DOWN to T-7.... He has a "shattered" shoulder, a broken leg, a tiny "tear" on the outside of his main Aorta, a mild concussion, and he cannot "feel" himself move his legs right now. They first stablized his spine, then are going onto work on other things. I have some updates on my Facebook page. and I will just put a link to it here... that way if you want to know changes, and how he is doing you can....

I am also in not great shape. I fell that early morning he had the accident and cut through my bottom lip, bruised the heck out of my chin, skinned up both artificial knees ... I am barely able to walk, I am SO SORE from all of it and my hips are just hurting so badly... I DO have a Rituxan infusion FINALLY  SCHEDULED for Wednesday... but I have an appointment with the dentist. I have cracked off several teeth due to this Sjogren's and I have one that really needs to be pulled... it is hurting badly... I also think I maybe coming down with bronchitis... so I may have to make a trip to the urgent care center today, so it does not mess me up worse with everything. I cannot help him, if I am sick... thus I have to try and get the care I need also.

Here is the "Facebook" URL:

https://www.facebook.com/ifaarhia 


I am updating that page above so everyone can know what is going on. I realized it is just easier to do all of it in one spot and that way everyone knows the same information.... I appreciate everything that so far you are all saying... and wishing for us... Please keep Jim and I, and my family, his Mom and so forth in your thoughts and prayers. This is a very BAD situation, and sounds like as I hope IF things ar as they say, someone, (not m husband) was very in the wrong... but as you will read, I cannot even get the police report for another about 7 days or so... see the page above for updates and as soon as I have things from the Arthritis Summit I will post them :):) What an incredible experience! I am definitely going through to become an Ambassador.. and all they did to help me get back to Texas after Jim was hurt so badly was just totally amazing... along with another gentleman that helped me so much. He got hold of the proper people, helped me get on the plane, and back to Dallas very quickly... I will never be able to thank Chris Nieto and Laura Keival (Arthritis Foundation)..... along with Serena, Kerri, Pam .... everyone was totally amazing!!!!!