May You Be Blessed with Hope and Love Today, Easter Day and in the Days Ahead....
Happy Easter to All! Mine started out insane, I didn't go to bed until late, just because I have been NOT sleeping for several reasons over the past 8 weeks or so. Either I have terrible night terrors, that wake me up, and I am crying, then I get "stopped up" and can't breathe, and by the time I get settled, then I am not sleepy... or I just wind up turning the TV back on, and then I can sleep at times. I keep waking up at 2am, 3am, 4am, until I am so sick of the hourly issue, that I give up, get coffee, and sit up watching something on Netflix until I feel okay enough to do things.
Also, my pain level is off the charts for the most part. My neck is so bad, that i am in constant pain with either a horrid headache, or my neck so stiff I can't turn it, and then I get more tense, and my entire body hurts.., this humid weather is not helping... although not all that "hot" the humidity has just been off the charts this past several weeks. I get up and every morning even if it has not rained everything is so "wet" grass and all, it it is muggy, sticky and too wet to even take Peanut out until it dries out later in the afternoon... plus I've had so many "catch up doctor visits, then Echocardiogram last week, follow ups on my hip, which is really been sore, but between the weather stuff, my RA is in a severe flare, and so is my Lupus, so that contributes to the pain, and it just all continues to circle around and around, causing me to not sleep, and then by early afternoon, I am so exhausted, I've just been up way too many hours, but I don't want to try to go to sleep at 8 or 9 pm, then the same cycle starts over again.
Also, I've had so many things as far as paper work, trying to decide if I even want to "stay" in my house. I've just about decided to sell it. Right now it is a "seller's market" and like my investment lady and I talked about last week, I could sell quick more than likely, and do it without even a Realtor, and save that money and hassle. I've just gotten to where between ALL of the outside stuff, mowing, fire ants, other ants, bugs, and so forth, the weeds are nuts, the wasps and such are already trying to build nests, and I am constantly fighting them so i don't get a nest like last year, where i don't "see it" and they sting me, because I don't find the nest... that is what happened last year... they built
in my gate to my car port, and then I found a huge nest from last year close to my front porch a couple of weeks ago... i could not see it last year, so I was constantly having to watch to keep them from getting in the house... so I've knocked down the old nests, been spraying and knocking down new ones as they start them, but I have dead trees, the "weeds" in the back look more like "trees" than weeds... so trying to weed eat, mow, cut, chop, saw, and then the inside NEEDS so much work, I still don't have the floors finished in the bathroom, kitchen and now the kitchen and bath need to be either finished or repainted... the outside still needs painting and it is terrible... plus it needs a roof...
I know that is coming soon.,.. and there is just so much to keep up with that costs a fortune, or is beginning to be things that my "body" does not like me doing... like sawing, and even using the light weed eater and although all is cordless and battery operated still with all of my joint issues, pain, and now the Lupus and RA getting worse, I pay a price for 3 or 4 days after i work on things.. then I suffer like today, I hurt from head to toe... I do know having hold of that pole saw really helped my arms... i actually have "muscles" built up from the weed eating, mowing, sawing, cleaning and so forth... rather than all droopy, although the skin still is some, I finally have built back up some muscles in my arms and legs..,. if someone would have told me just 10 or 12 years ago, I would not be able to do even little things, trying to use a can opener, button buttons, zippers, and all kinds of things using my wrists, hands and fingers, I would have thought they were nuts... not true... my hands, fingers, wrists, and elbows are always stiff, not able to be used to open anything, and trying to do just about anything with them, on some days is almost impossible. Even sitting here to type, hurts my hands, wrists, fingers, but my neck, shoulders, lower back, all of me takes a "beating" from even sitting for very long.., it sucks and I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE, but I think after doing some thinking, and I found out i probably can do some investment stuff where I would have enough money from one or two of them to pay rent monthly for an apartment, and avoid all of the money I am pouring into this older home, that truly needs much much more work and funds, than I want to put into it.
I never thought I would feel that way, but after living in Seattle for 5 years, in an apartment where NONE of all of those things like upkeep, yard, problems, were anything i had to worry about, honestly I LOVED BEING FREE... I love having a yard, flowers, trees, but everything that goes along with them is getting to be more of a burden than "fun" like it used to be... I "hope" that between myself and my doctors nurse, who can be a jerk honestly, that we have my insurance company now where i DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A CT ETC. before my neck surgery! They told her last week I needed an "MRI" before they would approve it, well i cannot HAVE AN MRI DUE TO MY PAIN PUMP, and a CT scan is a waste of time and money - I have TWO LETTERS, ONE FROM JUST LAST DECEMBER, just before I broke my hip stating the INSURANCE APPROVED MY NECK SURGERY.... I fell, and we had to postpone due to the hip fractures... but the neck of course is WORSE, AND NO CT SCAN, will show different... the X-rays in themselves show the damage and how much worse it is than just 6 months ago or so.... anyway, I am going to stay on the nurses butt this next week, so she will do her part. I DID MINE FRIDAY! I got all of the information from the insurance company, faxed her the letter, and what they told me on the phone, and if she will not drag her feet, we can probably get it set up and done the last week of the month. I decided to wait and did not go to the Casino today.., the weather here and up that way is "wishy washy" today and tomorrow... and besides,
I've had so much to do here, before surgery, and I feel like I've been beaten, I decided to "change" the reservation until next Sunday,,, I hope to go then and if not then wait until I am over the surgery in 5 or 6 weeks then I can go to the Casino then. I did get my ham baked, I made those home made biscuits with the Sprite Zero that are so good, got some fresh fruit, I have sweet potatoes etc if I wanted to fix them, and I have a half a cake that I baked earlier this week, etc.,,, so I don't think I will do much other cooking, I did bake some very "healthy" oatmeal cookies this morning, without all of the fat, sugars, carbs and so on in them... I ground my own oat flour, used Splenda, and the Ranger cookies of course have Oatmeal and Corn flakes in them... so they don't even have any white flour, and I used "County Crock" and not any type of oil or "bad" butter sat fats etc... they turned out really good and are not too sweet, and don't have a bunch of empty calories and "processed mess" in them, I re-potted a few of my plants that needed it, and right now my arms, hands and entire body hurt like hell. I think I am headed to the sofa for awhile to rest... I HAVE TO HAVE A SHOWER in a bit, but did not want to take that until I am finished with all of the "chores" stuff around 1st.... Hope everyone has a very blessed Easter and in the days ahead my prayers are that we find hope, peace, and "good things"... the way our world is, right now honestly it is frightening.... but "worrying" won't fix it, so rather than worry, I am just doing my own stuff, and enjoying my days and moments as they come.... Happy Easter again to all..
