My Mom has Passed Away - and some information about that..,

I am sharing this with each of you because I feel my daughter, Amanda is expressing ALL of our feelings emotions, and thoughts at this very, very difficult time in our lives. Life is so very fleeting, and I witnessed that within all scopes this past few months. Mom and I got to go to Winstar one last time in January. I knew about 3 weeks later, that would be our last ride while she slept and I drove to the Casino. :) She "cut up" her player card one day while I was there, and I kind of "scolded" her a bit, and then realized she more than anyone knew we would never make that trip together again, not in this world. Mom had a very peaceful passing at 10:20AM this morning.

 I sat beside her, and in my heart of hearts, I knew it was "time". I sat there, and sang 4 hymns, that she loved to hear my Dad sing.... and everyone loved Dad to sing in church, at weddings, and funerals. When I finished what pieces I could recall of "Pearly White City", she took another breath, and that was it.... Her hand in mine, just us two quietly, and me in "tune" as well as could be expected. That was my "time" to fall apart.... and I did, for a while I sat there holding her hand.... and then so happened the Hospice Nurse stopped by, honestly at the right time. 

Most of everything is arranged, Mom was a very simple person in life, she never wanted a "fuss" over much, so I knew her wishes were "simple" as far as after that. So, as I await for Amanda Batson- Matheny and her family to come from the Corpus Christi area, and to hear from Jason Harber - who I feel right now needs everyone to surround him with their love and support... He and "Granny Steele" had and will have a special bond always, and I know this is an extremely difficult thing for him to deal with.... yet all of us handle this things in our ways unique ways... so He will do the same.... We will have visitation and a Rosary on Sunday, from 4 to 6 and receive family and friends then. The funeral will be held at Keever's Chapel on Monday morning at 10AM with the Catholic Father residing over the service. There will be information on Keever's Website tomorrow about everything and the details. I will post that when I have a URL.

 I want to thank each and every one of you that have "held up me" through this... you are such a wonderful group of friends.... I also want to commend Physician's Choice Home Health here from the Ennis area, as well as First Choice Hospice, who took over last Thursday, and everyone were wonderful through all of this.... Words, I guess now, elude me, again but to say I appreciate and my family appreciates everything and all of the thoughts and prayers.....

From my daughter:

I would like everyone to please keep my family in your prayers, my grandmother passed away this morning. It is never easy to loose a loved one & this time is really tough!Granny was mine & my brothers last grandparent & my mom is her only child! She was the kids only great grandparent that they had left and it is not easy to explain to them that she is gone! ( I know the kids will always remember all the goodies she baked for them when they would go visit her!) I know she is in a better place now and her & papaw are back together again, so that helps ease the pain a little! We love you & will always miss you Granny


Mom's Obituary:


http://www.jekeevermortuary.com/home/index.cfm/obituaries/view/fh_id/13137/id/3742850  

 

Last photo of Mom, Dad and I in 2004. I was here from Seattle at the time, for my daughter's wedding, and I saw her and Dad then. This is the photo of all of us three, Dad passed away  March 27th, 2005.....

 

Moving Forward.... thru the realms of Life, where it takes us, chronic pain, family, and all of the things we "learn" along the way..... Alzheimer's

They did not give Morphine due to Mom being allergic to Codeine, but Dilaudid instead and since I know more about that medication, I am glad they chose it. They also gave me "Ativan" that I can give her, and then a combination of meds in a "cream" that goes at the pulse points for nausea, agitation, and to assist in breathing... so far, Mom has been able to swallow just fine, but they gave me the Atropine because it may get to where she does have problems swallowing, and that is what is another part of the "comfort medications". I am able to give her the Norco just as before, she now has really stopped eating all together, which as they said was "normal"... and she still gets a dry mouth of course the medications themselves can do that, so she will drink of all things it is so funny, Mom never drank any type of "Cola's", or carbonated drinks... but when this first began, she wanted nothing but Diet Dr. Pepper, Sprite Zero, and sometimes Diet Pepsi.... 

so if she does tell me she wants a drink it is usually the Sprite Zero, with some water in it, so it is not so "strong" with the carbonation. I changed her a couple of hours ago, and got her all on clean and dry sheets, and a dry night shirt, and her diapers on, then they gave me some cream I put on the heels where the blisters were... actually the nurse told me unless they are "weeping", to allow them to "dry"... rather than put anything on them... so really the one heel is the only one needing much care... 

most of the other places where her skin is so thin, and like me, she has very huge places that appear almost like "blood blisters" but flat, and not blisters, just more broken blood vessels... and the Lupus causes me to have those... I told her that I had to look at those "new" types of diapers, because it has been so long since I used diapers on my 2 kids I was out of practice... LOL... and I told her that I wished we were at the Casino, and that everyone here online, and around town that knows tells me to say hello and tell her they are praying for her... but I try my best NOT to disturb her... 

I realize she "hurts" all over... and just even trying to roll her gently from one side to the other to change a sheet, diaper etc.. just plain hurts... so I give her the pain drops, and meds, and then I try to clean her good, but not put her through any more misery of being tossed and turned in the bed... and today she said "ouch" a few times, but I would tell her it was me, and that I was trying to do a "better job" that the aide as far as not making her hurt worse... and by the time I had her dry, cleaned up and gave her meds, she was asleep and peaceful again.... I don't know whether I should be "posting" this stuff or not, BUT it "helps" me honestly... have some way to "say" the feelings and emotions.... and then I am not so "frazzled" - thus the posts help.... my back is so messed up, I could sit in my floor, scream, cry, and gripe due to the intense burning in my hips and down both legs.... 

I may have to go to my pain doctor if I can next week and have him "up" my pain pump meds until I can get into surgery.... but we shall see.... As I said in another post, I continue to "learn" a great deal from those from Hospice, and I have a high and new found respect for the people that I have been in contact with so far.... they are definitely Angels... what a difficult "job"... that has to be.... Anyway, back to the sofa for me... I have to try and get my back to calm down a bit... I did not sleep well at all last night, and had severe nightmares all night long... so I am drained......

Update on Mom the Alzheimer's, getting home from the hospital and of course hurting my back again, and so forth....

You are all such a blessing, and know you are so loved and appreciated... Mom and I had "hell" getting into the house last night. They did not officially discharge her till like 6PM! And I had to get her into the house by myself, so with her having having both back and front, I chose the back, with two lower steps, and using her walker, we very SLOWLY and with a few "choice" words, LOL, made it into the house, and finally to her bed. Hospice DID come by last night around 7PM, I was so shocked, I did not expect a nurse by, plus they had a courier bring some stronger pain medication for her, and now all of her medications will come via courier.... so that will be easier... of course now Hospice has taken over for the doctors etc as far as the dementia, and anything "to do" with that diagnosis, etc for now.... so I am hoping it will "settle" down a little... I really did a huge NO NO though - I injured my LOWER back, which already needs surgery, between all of the walking yesterday back and forth, our hospital is laid out so stupid, and you have to walk what seems like a mile just to get to patient's rooms, but then getting Mom in the house, I did a real number on my lower back and my neck.... I got her settled in and came home very early this morning to do some stuff done here, that I have to do and then I will head back over there, because her Social Worker, Aid, and so on will be coming sometimes after 8AM I gather... so it will be another day of hell I think, just being up on my feet, and getting stuff in order and so on... but now the Ensure, pads, Depends, and any and all "medical stuff" she needs, they will automatically bring us. and I no longer have to be picking those things up, including I gather most of her "meds" ... not sure if it is all of them yet, but ones that go along with the hospice diagnosis they will get and have brought to me... which is some help... then they have a list of people I can have either come "sit" with Mom in the week, night, day, etc for a few hours, some volunteer, some I will have to pay, but I can still go with ""Home Instead" which is a "sitter service" BUT they will have someone there, and I don't have to worry over if I get sick, or need to be away, and someone HAS to be with Mom, even though it means paying for them, they are bonded and so forth, I've met with one of the main case workers already.... and it is MUCH less although not cheap, than putting her in a nursing home, which means about at the lowest 3,000.00 a MONTH for room and board.... so hopefully we can keep her at home, where she REALLY wants to be, and hydrated, and well enough to avoid the hospital again... I can't say how much I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers... and I need to get busy getting things done here, etc... but I will post when I can... Love to all of your guys and gals, Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"

Home Care for the Elderly, Hospice, Choices that are difficult to make for all of us with elderly parents suffering from all of these types of Dementia's

Here are a couple of links that maybe helpful to some of you also.....


 https://www.homeinstead.com/742

http://www.caregiverstress.com/

These are the people that are going to help me with Mom and this way I can possibly keep her at home, and not put her anywhere else... I found out thought that they are like an "in home" adult day care not "true" Hospice. When you go into the "true hospice" scenario, then Medicare pays 100% of the bill BUT, no longer can you see "your own doctors", your medications are taken care of by them, and basically they take over all of it, and I can have the choice, say Mom came down with pneumonia, and needed to be in the hospital, I could stop "Hospice" immediately so her own PCP etc can take care of her, then restart it after her being in the hospital. 

I was kind of taken back when the Home Health Nurse told me that they could "no longer" see her if I went to Hospice, when the woman that came and spoke to me about "Home Instead" said that I could keep Home Health and have Home Instead here also. That is because they do not "take over everything", they provide more help as far as staying with her in the home as many hours as I want a week, day etc... 

they will help make sure she eats, has something to drink, does not "fall" again, can change sheets, do light laundry, and even run to the store for her, if something was needed, or say I come down and I am too ill, or when I have surgery, they can fill in and do all of their part staying with her, when I can't go over during that time... which is WHY the woman I talked with from a true "Hospice" ran by Medicare said in the 1st place they would "probably put her" in one of the "homes" NONE of which are even located near me! And basically it is $3,000.00 a MONTH! or more depending on the place, and she was more of a "sales woman" trying to make me spend Mom's money to put her somewhere than trying to do what I want and need at this time, and that need...

... someone to be there a few hours a day, a few days of the week, so she is being seen about, like I feel she gets up and falls when I leave... so sometimes in the late night or early morning, that is when this either falling, or she spills things, does not drink her Ensure, or eat... after I leave... I can pick the times, how many hours a day, how many days of the week, including weekends if need be that I need these people... again all here at her home NOT in some "nursing facility"... and they are very well trained... and have monthly updates and training meetings, so they are very versed in "dementia" Alzheimer's type of care... 

Anyway, I HAVE to get someone in ASAP! After her being on her knees by the bed, wit all of the sheets and everything pulled 
After and then she could not understand I just needed her to put her feet under her and push a bit, and we could have had her up on the potty chair, BUT, she holds onto things like the bed, and then she can't "get" to put her feet under her. I even noticed when I had the fire guys come in with an "assist lift" rather than allow them to just lift her and sit her down, she was trying to hold onto things making it difficult for them to put her where she needed to be.... I am also going to buy a bedrailing... 


I am checking on that today in fact. I believe I can get one that will fit on the bed, and now I am also putting her in the middle of the bed, and not allowing her to stay at one side. Plus I am going to look for a couple of "sippy cups" for her drinks. Then I can put the big tray I have on the bed where she is, and things will not spill... plus then things will be within her reach... I feel she does not even know to "look" at the nightstand and "see" drinks, Ensure etc are there.... I am just exasperated with the entire ordeal.... never in a billion years did I think things would be like this.... Life can deal us a heavy hand of no good cards at times for sure....


OH and by the way, MOM IS RUNNING OUT OF PAIN MEDS FOR HER BACK! She is on an Opioid but not something extremely strong. And she had not been really having to take them all that much, until this dementia has put her more in the bed etc. making her back worse... BUT I CALLED THE PAIN DOCTOR... told them the situation, that Mom cannot barely walk down her hall way, even with her walker, there is no way, I can get her out of the house, down stairs in the car and take her up to Dallas for a check up.... 

I just know I cannot even get her to sit in the living room for the most part, much less put her in a car and have her try to get into the doctors office for a visit! BUT he REFUSES to give her a refill (even though she has not had to have a refill since February) without HER COMING FOR AN OFFICE VISIT!!! It is insane and OUR CDC AND CONGRESS AT WORK DAMMIT!!! So, I told my PCP about it yesterday ( I am still in a very bad Lupus flare with a severe headache, and hurting all over) and even HE will NOT prescribe them and he KNOWS FIRST HAND what is going on!!! She is going to run out by next week and what do I do from there????? She is already unable to "move" without screaming out in pain, if we try to get her up and moving, unless she has a pain pill and it begins to work.... so this is just another bunch of crap to pile upon my shoulders.... and they wonder why "pain patients chronically ill" give up and just die... I feel they want us to... I am just livid about the entire ordeal.... 

My Mom nd the Physical Toll This Horrid Disease has taken upon her in every way.....

 This photo I took Today May 7th, 2016 of her.

This photo I took at Christmas 2015 of her.

For those that do not know, this lady was able to do her own shopping for the most part, cleaning, cooking, and just getting out of the house when she wanted not but about 7 or 8 months ago... she went from 150 pounds to she weighs around 114 pounds now... so it is not just the mental and cognitive changes, it effects someone in every way possible... it is hard to fathom she is the same person, My Mom.... and that is sad... she usually does not know who I am, nor does she realize she is in her own home.

Update of My Daily Newspaper - and also an "Update" on just how Insane" a disease like Dementia /Alzheimer's Truly is.....

http://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines

It really DOES for the most part have many articles and information relating to our AI, RA,FM,Chronic Pain, Lupus and so forth, because am able to "pick and choose" what types of information is printed in it daily. So, I have chosen the specifics of what I know many here are dealing with. 


Now I have added "Dementia/Alzheimer's" to the "pot" of things that bring in articles. Never would I have ever in my life thought that about 9 months ago, my own Mom would go from doing her own grocery shopping, driving to church, doing her own house work, cooking, and I just helped with other things... to NOW... she at times does NOT even know WHO I AM, nor that she is in "our home". She cannot go and fix much to eat, I have to make sure she eats, drinks and takes her medications properly. She cannot shower or bathe herself, she cannot clean her house... and she has not driven her car in over 2 months maybe longer, nor been to church... she cannot "operate" her oven, stove, washer or dryer, and honestly the phone (regular home phone) she at times does not know how to use it... she stays in bed more than not, and the list just goes on and on and on... of what in such a short amount of time, not just "mentally" but physically incapacitated these illnesses can be... 

I am of the belief she has a "certain" type that unlike many, starts gradually... and for a couple of years there were "signs" but to go down hill so quickly. It is a "fast type" of dementia called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease .... honestly I hope and PRAY I AM WRONG, because usually it comes quickly, and they pass away pretty soon for the most part, and I am wanting my Mom to go with me like we did just about 4 MONTHS ago to the Casino overnight!!!! She "cut up" her players cards and said she would never be able to again... plus she went from no cane and no walker, to a cane, and within weeks to a walker... and we have to watch her, she now has problems with balance and is a huge fall risk... she has not clue how to pay a bill, she does not even go outside, check the mail, or anything, but due to her falling right now it is best she does not go out... she has several steps down in the front to go down... 

I am totally exhausted, worn out, drained, and in almost a "state of shock"r" for the lack of a better term right now, mentally, physically and emotionally now... I have to go over every day and really should be there more, but I have of course my own home, my pups, and me to take care of also.... WE NEVER KNOW!

Brand New Clinical Trials Sponored by Cure Click One New for Rheumatoid Arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Cushings, CLL,COPD, Pediatric Asthma, Diabetes Trial Search, Alzheimer's & More coming soon!

I want to give out the great news to all of you who suffer from RA and Osteoarthritis! There are two new Clinical trial Studies, for each of these horrid illnesses.

The Information is below, and will also be on my pages of my blog around where all of the other great clinical trials are. Actually several new ones have been added just in the past week or so, including  Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) including a new video link below, Pediatric Asthma, Diabetes Universal Clinical Trial Search, and still there are ones for COPD, Cushings Syndrome, and Alzheimer's Mild to Moderate.

There are also upcoming new Clinical Trials very soon on other very important illnesses that plague our nation, and the world..

So, below are some links that you can go to, and find out more about whether the clinical trial is in your area, if you qualify, and also spread the word to others who maybe interested in some of these. Many people find they are better, some even "cured" by certain clinical trials, and most cost the patient nothing, and in fact many also compensate the patient for their time, their gas money and so forth. So, please take a look or pass these onto others you may be thinking would benefit!

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Another Week of an Elderly Mom, some type of "Dementia", me trying to cope and deal with her, and all of my severe pain, and missing surgeries, and doctors appts because she is ill....

I am MOSTLY on the sofa today I HOPE! This has been another week of hell... to say the least... Mom "seems" to do better on the days I go over there... but yesterday I was trying to get my yard down enough so with this rain it would not get any taller than it already was.... so between my cordless weedeater and my cordless lawn mower it was even hell with all of the weeks and it still being so wet from the humidity... I cleaned out from under my mower at least 4 times trying to clear that mess out from under it... but I got "most" of the tall stuff back and front down for now... I am paying for it today... and have been paying for it all week... I NEED THIS NECK SURGERY and now I KNOW I HAVE TO HAVE THE LUMBAR/SACRAL surgery also... I keep "putting them off" because of Mom mainly... until I know that the Nurse, and the Home Health is going to go over, and she is getting one meal brought to her daily... I feel I cannot go through with the surgeries... I feel she does NOT even grasp that I will be "down" for at least 2 weeks, I should not drive, even though I will probably have to around town... after a week, but that means I can "barely" take care of me and the pups, and I will NOT be able to lift anything heavy, or be taking lots of stuff over to her, or be able to go over there every day, for at least a week or so... after that, then I still will be in a neck brace at the very least 6 weeks maybe longer because this surgery calls for taking OUT all of the "hardware" he put in , in 2012 and redoing it plus the new issues with discs compressed... so then he also is calling for some type of "bone growth stimulation" which I gather he means on the outside, I will have to wear because due to my osteoporosis, the RA and Lupus, he fears I may have further issues with my vertebra and getting all of that to fill in and heal... which takes 6 months or longer for "my own bone fragments" to heal in the "cage" they put in and if they have to use "other types" it may take longer.... I rescheduled the cervical neck surgery for May 4th and unless something horrid happens I HAVE TO HAVE THIS SURGERY NO MATTER WHAT! I will be "well enough" to go down to Corpus Christi to what my Granddaughter graduate, and hopefully stay a day or so, then come through and stay in San Antonio for a night, and see the Riverwalk before heading home... I will have to see how well I am feeling.. with the 1st neck surgery I felt GREAT even before I left the hospital, all of the pain in my shoulder blades and down my arms was "gone" almost right after the surgery, I can only hope I do that well this time... that has been 4 years ago, and lots can change with a body in 4 years.... anyway, 

Mom is NOT EATING! In fact, I got PISSED at HER yesterday! I told her if she continues to LAY IN BED, NOT EAT, NOT DRINK (AN NO CARBONATED ANYTHING), and NOT think she can live off of Ensure, and get back to eating some, supplementing it with the Ensure, and begin to move around some, that her "bowels" (which is what she keeps griping about) were NOT GOING TO DO RIGHT! Plus if she continues to NOT TAKE HER MEDICATIONS, she will NOT be well, or feel well. So, I MADE HER TELL ME SOMETHING SHE WOULD EAT... and I went and got the chicken strips (although fried anything she would put in her system), mashed potatoes, and a roll... plus I brought her LARGE GLASS OF UNSWEETENED TEA, and told her she needed to drink ALL of IT! She is also "dry and dehydrated which does NOT help either... she cannot expect her stomach NOT to hurt, if she puts NOTHING in it, and for her intestines to "work" without getting up moving around some and taking her proper medications... when I ask her if she too her meds... 

I get this answer "Well, I took something"... NO she took NOTHING of her regular daily medications, they were in the pill box on the table! Plus she is drinking milk, which Mom NEVER drank milk or ate much of anything with "milk" in it.. SO I TOLD HER SHE COULD BE LACTOSE INTOLERANT" and may not even know it... because up until the past month or so, she never ate much cheese, never drank milk, never ate much of anything other than breads, bisquits, etc... other than that not much dairy stuff... and if I take her to a doctor he will basically TELL HER THE SAME THING I AM SAYING... she has to EAT some, TAKE HER MEDS AS SHE IS SUPPOSED TO, get UP and MOVE, and quit laying in that bed 24 hours a day... and LAY OFF THE COLA'S AND THE MILK... 

I told her to drink water, drink "green tea" some, but nothing dairy, and nothing carbonated at all, no coffee, nothing with caffeine in it, and continue to drink the ensures but EAT WITH IT! Anyway, when I left yesterday afternoon, she had taken all of her medications, she DID EAT SOME, and of course she can't hold a lot at a time, because she is NOT eating.... and she was drinking the tea, I left a pitcher of water and a glass there, and gave her one pain pill. 

Then I told her after that pain pill begins to kick in to get up and quit laying down all the time... to at least move around to the kitchen, get up and sit in her chair in the living room, but MOVE AROUND SOME... and today through the next several days our weather is supposed to be HORRIBLE, THUNDERSTORMS, FLASH FLOODS, HAIL... no telling what from today through at least TUESDAY.. so I told her I was NOT well either, I've been in pain, unable to sleep, my stomach is not the best either, but mine is nerves and stress more than anything, and the nurse and the aid are supposed to start next week, but I prefer they not come until our weather is a bit more stable after Tuesday or so... I will NOT get my car out in possible hail if I can avoid it.... anyway, I had to get all of that off my chest., it hurts so bad to sit here and write dammit, and I need to write and do some things online, but it is hell for me to sit here very long... keep us in your thoughts and prayers... it is going to honestly take a "miracle" I think for her to get "better".... Hugs, Rhia

A Letter to children (mine included) if something happens such as Alzheimer's or Dementia to me....

Here is a wonderful but hard to think about article with a "letter" to their Children from someone who thinks about Alzheimer's and what they want to share with their children....

https://chermor2.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/what-ill-say-to-my-children-if-im-diagnosed-with-alzheimers/

And after witnessing what this horrid disease did to my Granny, my Papa and some with my Dad, and now what it is doing to my Mom at such a rpaid rate... a woman that just 7 months ago was just waiting for my two abscesses to get well enough so we could go to Winstar for a night, that now cannot turn her washer, dryer, microwave, TV, or just about anything "on" or use it... has no clue how to "drive" her car, & cannot recall how to take her medications, but also I have watched her go down in physical appearance, she is shriveling up to nothing, she barely eats, but will right now drink the Ensure's and drink Diet Drinks, and she NEVER used to like any type of soda that much, she has not put on "street" clothes in months, she "cut up" her card to the Casino, lost her SS card, her Medicare card, 3 credit cards within 2 weeks, can't pay a bill, or make out a check, has no clue what any of her bills mean, and even though I have just about all of them on auto pay, two of them I am going to have to put on just emailing them to me, she was almost late on one this past week. I did not know she got it in the mail, and finally she happened to show it to me, many days she is almost bedridden, thank goodness yesterday was BETTER, for a change... she was up and out of the bed yesterday, and was "more alert' and understood more, although again, I had to start her washer, then put the clothes in the dryer.... she thought her money was "running low" and I told her Mom, you are NOT spending any money, other than your regular bills, so nothing is wrong with your finances... she cannot recall the day, month, or day of the week most of the time...

 I have never seen her home as in a disarray as it is now... and even her, she no longer barely cares for herself in appearance, and I feel does not care to.... anyway that is just a few things that Lisa Lisman Walker, you totally understand and more, and you helped me so much... I am now more aware of why or why not on some of the things she is doing... plus Mom is also in chronic pain too... I feel it is her lower lumbar spine, plus arthritis in other places also... she had it already in her hands and so forth, but with her back, and she has some stenosis, some discs that are not good, and bone spurs etc... but the only thing they can do is give her medication... they did one round of injections, but unless she gets a bit better mentally, I do not think she would even think about going back for those... and she cannot take NSAIDS due to kidney functions... so she will be on medications the rest of her life... and if she does not take them as she should, then it puts her in bed worse due to the pain.... 

SO, THE MESSAGE HERE IS... this "letter" is also to my two children Amanda Batson- Matheny and Jason Harber - I will write you both to tell you many of the things this woman says in hers... IF I EVER GET THIS HORRID DISEASE... just put me in a special "home" for these types of patients, especially when I am getting this bad... because I NEVER would want either of you to have to deal with me in this capacity... I am trying my best to keep Mom at her home, and feel it is "too late" to try and "build on" to put her here with me... plus I feel she would not be happy, if we did... if I can keep her in her home as long as possible, with the help of Home Health Care, Meals on Wheels, and myself, then I shall do that... but I want you both to be able to always LIVE YOUR LIVES...Mandi, with your family, and Jason, you also... you have a life ahead of you, and you may too have a wife, and someday kids if you chose that route, and I do not want either of you to have to deal with what I see and hear daily. I want you both to remember that I love you both too the "moon and back" twice, and that if it came to me being like this, I still love you and I would understand if you could not yourselves take care of me... do how I am doing Granny, and let me stay with my own home and puppies, as long as I can... and if with help from Home Health care, and so forth, I still cannot be "alone" then I want you to put me where I can be cared for, but not have to be a "burden" in your lives.... I love you both and miss us not being close, "physically" as to where we live, but that does not change the fact that I love the both of you more than life itself.... Mom Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"

Updated Information on My Daily Newspaper, adding a new title and more information including chronic pain, and other diseases...

Notice I have change my Daily Newspaper to include in the title Chronic Pain. I feel I need to make sure everyone does know this paper published and updated at least twice daily includes not just AI illnesses, but much information about all aspects of Chronic Pain, of Alzheimer's, of Dementia(s), and how each and every one of these can totally destroy a "normal" life... and it can happen within a "breath's space"... as I always say...

My last months now for at least 6 or more honestly, have been more than a terror daily... my "mountain top" has not been stood upon in a long while, and between my own chronic severe pain issues, my Mom's almost "overnight" development of some type of very severe "Dementia", where she is basically unable to take care of herself at all... and even yesterday was more or less bedridden, and also complaining of severe pain that began about 4 months ago and is progressing... my life has been turned upside down, and inside out even more than before all of that began.


I desperately need two spinal surgeries, my neck, which I have again had to "reschedule". It should have been done on April 4th, but due to Mom, and not having things in place for her, since I will basically be unable to do much of anything for several weeks, now I have it scheduled for May 4th... and my lower lumbar spine is progressing to get worse... these past several nights and mornings have almost taken me to the sofa due to the severity of pain once again, the weather, humidity, and things I have had to do, causing me all types of issues.... so I want all of you to know this just not just "AI" illnesses but so much more....

Daily NewsPaper- Life with AI, Chronic Pain & So Much More

Dealing With More than you Want to When An Elderly Parent is getting more "ill" by the day with Dementia and/or Alzheimer's

Before I begin other things I must get done today, I wanted to get an update on Mom here. Things are just not looking good. I was there everyday I think this past week again, but maybe Wednesday. The days run together for me now, and I seem to also almost be "lost"... I was there for a brief time on Friday, and noticed she was out of things such as paper towels, Kleenex, probably low on toliet paper, since she had a roll of it in the kitchen for "paper towels"... and she had drank two, 2 liter Sprite Zero and Diet Dr. Pepper's and a 1 liter of diet Pepsi... and the strange thing is Mother used to never drink those. She would keep one for me when I came over, and I had really stopped drinking them a while ago, but I would have a glass while I visited her. She also was nearly out of the Ensure drinks... so I never said anything, but yesterday, I needed to finish mowing as much of my lawn as I could before it rained, so I got that done, and then dressed and went to the market, and picked up a couple of boxes of Kleenex, some double rolls of toliet paper and a 6 roll package of paper towels. 

Plus more Diet Drinks, Ensure, and a couple of cans of soup I knew she would eat. I was not sure what else she needed but I knew to get those, and then get a list. Well, I got there and she was in bed, and this was at like 1:30 in the afternoon yesterday... she has knew I was supposed to come, so the door was unlocked which was a miracle... so I went in, put everything away, and she finally got up and came in the kitchen. I had also picked up medications I knew were ready, and she is complaining of itching so I bought some Benadryl, because she never will get any, and I always have to take some of mine over there. So, she was hurting, and itching (and I don't think it is the pain meds causing the itching, I think hers is just more dry skin because she will NOT put lotion or anything on her skin, and it is just like scales it is so dry)... in fact I need to buy some lotion because the woman from home health care said they would make sure they would put it on her skin when they were there. Well, we sat down, and I told her what I bought and told her to get a list ready and I would pick up more items she needed, but it may be Monday, since I knew the weather may be lousy today. 

And it is, cool, windy and rainy outside today, thank goodness I mowed... which even with the new cordless mower almost killed me... I am only going to be able to mow some, and will have to have someone mow also and help me in between. I will not be able to especially once I have my neck surgery, which I DID CANCEL AGAIN... until the first week in May... right now until I get every else set up for her, there is no way I can have neck surgery. She is so far gone in her mind, she I do not think even comprehends the difficulty this surgery means for me... I really will probably be in a neck brace at least 6 weeks, and this surgery, due to having to remove all that he put in the 1st one in 2012, means this one will probably be more advanced, and lots more hardship that will take a lot longer to heal.

 I noticed he is ordering some type of bone "stimulator" for bone growth... not sure if he means internal or external, but he must think due to my issues with another severe compression, that I may have issues with the osteoporosis causing me to not heal as quickly, which if he has to remove what has grown in place now for 4 years that would make sense... so I felt I needed to wait to see if I can get some help myself here at home. I may need him to write a script for me to have some temporary home assistance come in, and also have my girl that does the dog sitting Samantha to come in and help me with the dogs, feeding them, changing their paper etc... because I will not be able to bend forward etc for weeks after surgery... so a "caretaker" may need to be in place for me also for at least two weeks after surgery.... anyway, I FOUND HER SS CARD! I do not know where it was, but it 'suddenly" appeared in her purse after I looked and looked for two days for it... and it was there, but NOT her Medicare card or the insurance card, which I already have the insurance card, and the Medicare Card is on its way... but then she hands me a "bill" that I had not seen, and it was for one of her credit cards she uses to pay bills, buy groceries etc for the month, and then pays it off when it comes in...well she must have gotten it in a couple of weeks ago, because it was due this coming MONDAY!

 So, fortunately, I went into bill pay and got it set up so it will pay on Monday, thank goodness so it is not late... other than that I may have not gotten it in... SO I SET IT UP to come to me via email and I will pay it electronically. That was just about the only bill left that is not set up to either email me so I can pay it, OR pay electronically without her getting the bill... and now there is one more, that I will set up also, because she cannot recall even when that came in or she did not even realize it was a bill.... I watched her "fiddle" around with a pen, scissors, this little box from a "pie" like you get an individual pie from like Wally World that is already baked, and a brush, a nail file, a mirror, for like 45 minutes while we talked... they sit on this little what used to be a lamp stand and magazine rack all in one, but the lamp has been gone for years and it is so old and almost ready to fall apart. It needs to be thrown away, and something a bit more sturdy put there, but I tried to hand her a plastic container I brought over there to put pens, paper, scissors, etc in, all together, so they are not just scattered loose on this table... BUT I could not make her understand, and she just kept putting them off, on, moving them, etc... and I never did figure out what the heck she was trying to do with it all... but she would pick it up, look at it, and then lay it back down... I do not think she "knew" what any of it was for honestly...

What made it worse though, is that she had some cards there, most of them old business cards maybe from the bank, people no longer even there, and she kept asking me if she could throw them away, and I told her yes... then she came to the two cards from the Casino's, our new one from Winstar, they just gave out new cards when we were there gosh just a couple of months ago, and then one from the other Casino in OK.. and she looked at me, and said I am cutting these up, and I said MOM, those are our card for the Casino's! You don't want to get rid of those, and she looked up and said" I may as well, I have no intentions of being able to ever go back again"..... 

I was floored... that is the ONLY THING MOM EVEN REALLY ENJOYED! Us having Free rooms, and sometimes free meals, and we would go usually about every 3 months, most of the time now spend the night if I did all of the driving, and she was always excited about getting out and getting to go... Now, my fears of what I suspected about a month ago come to reality... MOM IS GIVING UP! In her mind, she feels she will no longer be "able" or even "want to" get out and even go to the Casino again... the other day when the home health nurse was there, we were talking about how we enjoyed that so much, and Mom looked up at the woman and said I just want you to be able to give my daughter enough "rest' by helping me out so "she" can go to the Casino... she feels she can't leave me alone long enough right now to go, so when you have your schedule in place, she can finally get to go back and enjoy it... and the woman looked at her and said well Ms. Steele, we can get you up and going and you can go again and enjoy it with her.. and Mom said, Nope, I won't be going back again... 

I just am not able physically or mentally.... I so wanted to cry, to scream at her MOM, DO NOT SAY THAT! YOU CAN GO, YOU JUST HAVE TO WANT TO FEEL BETTER, AND HELP YOURSELF BY EATING RIGHT, AND TAKING YOUR MEDICATIONS, AND HELPING YOURSELF GET STRONGER AGAIN! But, I knew no matter what I said, nothing would "change" what she thinks and feels... I am having to come to deal with Mom will never "come here and live in the new room we wanted to build on for her".... she has in her mind decided she does NOT want to fight, to be stronger, she will NOT eat better or healthier, she will NOT help herself get stronger... she never goes outside, in fact unless I go there, she keeps the blinds closed now, she will not open up the front door anymore. she stays locked up in the dark all day, either just sitting in that chair, or laying in the bed... I got the curtain rods up and put her curtains back up in the living room, and got the new mini blind up in her bedroom finally... and fixed the front door knob, threw away ALL of those little dangerous throw rugs, that were a trip and fall hazard... 

but even with the new microwave, as simple as it is, I have had to "bake" the potatoes for her... and I am in a state of "shock" that she has reached a place that she is giving up... she is losing more weight, she will not eat anything "decent" or nutritious... she just is "refusing" to get better... and no amount of me encouraging her, or trying to reason with her at this point does any good.... I just have to try and "love her" and get her the help I can, and do what I can, to my best ability... but at this rate things are deteriorating fast... and frankly it scares the hell out of me... but I also know from my experience with my own Dad, and my Grandparents, and what my friend Lisa Lisman Walker told me at lunch the other day and what I already know, I cannot "change" her mind.... it is what it just is.... Rhia

More on Dementia, Your Parents, And the Extremely Tough Decisions to Make, When YOU ARE ALSO CHRONICALLY ILL and in CHRONIC PAIN...

(My firend Denise that I went to high school with is struggling also with a 2nd round of cancer of her ovaries I believe, and it has spread down into her thigh and presses on the nerves in her legs so she is also dealing with lots of drama in life )   -  I appreciate you so much Denise Tekell...(I am speaking of Lisa that I had lunch with yesterday, another friend from high school)  We both spoke about your struggles, and just how brave and strong you are. It is so difficult to watch someone who deserves happiness to have to struggle through despair that they don't deserve. And (this lady is a FB friend, but she is like a dear "physical friend who is right here with me at times)  Lourdes Villegas-Anaya even though we are not close "physically" you remain a dear friend also. You have also helped me through some difficult times, and I hope someday we can meet in person! I am still struggling with getting things settled for Mom, before I have the neck surgery. I have decided to postpone it until the end of April or first part of May. 

 

I thought by now I would have the Home Health Care and more of the things I need for Mom done by now. But it all takes time, and I am still working on some aspects of getting her people in there to help her, and to get this new phone that has an emergency button on it set up, and pray she can understand how to use it. When I had lunch yesterday my friend was explaining some things she went through with her Mother In Law and her having Alzheimer's... and now some of the things Mom does or does not do, begin to make sense. So, I now have more information that helps me to understand her reactions or actions at times. I went over there yesterday afternoon kind of later, around 3:40 or so. After lunch I had stopped at "Wally World" to pick up a couple of things, a couple of which I needed to take to her, and when I got to Mom's house, and opened the door... it was so odd, she was standing there by her chair, in a blouse that I have not seen her in gosh, in months. 

 

She always remains so COLD, and usually she had some "house dress" or gown on, and I've not seen her in actual "clothes" in a while. But, she did not have on any bottoms... And I asked her what she was doing, and in fact I had bought her a pair of Capri pants while I was out, because all of her clothes are much too big for her, so I got them and told her they were an "early" Mother's Day gift... but I don't know if she was "dressing" thinking that "we" were supposed to go somewhere and I just caught her in the middle of getting dressed or what. She never really "told" me why she had that blouse on, and I made light of it, and said "Mom you must have known I was bringing you a pair of Capri's that will fit"... anyway, I did not stay, it was getting later in the afternoon, and I had a few things to do at home, so I told her I would be back today, but I have SO MUCH to do for myself, and I need to wash her car, it is so covered in thick dust that it would be like mud if it got wet, and I have a new curtain rod she needs hung, and a new mini blind I bought, and all of those things take time, even with my cordless screw drivers... 

 

so if I go there it will be a full day plus in order to replace her Social Security Card she lost, I have to drive over to the next town about 15 miles away, to the nearest SS office in order to get the replacement. So, that is another couple of hours depending on how busy they are... but my lawn needs mowing, and I have clothes to wash, and my own house to clean, and need to get busy on painting a bedroom, the spare room... along with trying to get the outside of my own house painted... that is what I mean, and my friend said it herself, even her and her husband with her Mother in Law living with them, it was over a full time job for BOTH of them, and there is no way I can do it ALL myself, even with home health care... if she continues to go down as quickly as she is mentally, I may need much more help than I have now... and the decisions that have to be made are not easy ones at all. That is also what makes it so difficult, it is the tough decisions through all of this... 

 

I NEVER, and I said it a billion times would EVER put my parents in any type of "home" but if Mom continues to go down as quickly as she is, even building onto my home and having her here may not even be enough... that may not be the answer as much as I want it to be... so all of the decisions to make and the "footwork" I need to do, those are difficult issues to deal with.... so keep me in your thoughts and prayers... I need a "break" but I just don't know how to get one, and I need the surgery, but it just seems like now is not the time.... 

 

I recall when my Mom had to come to make the decision to my put Granny (her mother) in the nursing home. Even though Mother had a sister and brother (who have both now passed away) their health, and the size of their homes were not conducive with bringing my Granny to any of their homes after she fell, broke a hip, and the doctors said she could no longer live alone. But, my Granny was 92 years old and had lived alone from the time my Grandfather passed away of Alzheimer's and Lung cancer at the age of 77, so she took care of herself for many, many years, and if she had not taken that fall and broken her hip she may have been able to stay by herself a bit longer.  She had osteoporosis, like myself, the severe range which frightens me, so they feel her hip "broke" and then she fell... that the osteoporosis caused the fracture which led to my Granny falling. 

 

So, these truly tough decisions in our lives about parents or loved ones, are often times something we never "see coming" until they are upon us. I know that my Mom had been showing "signs" of Dementia/Alzheimer's for a long while, but it was not until the past 4 to 5 months that things went South extremely fast. That is why through my own research, and what I have been told, I feel this is not a "regular" type of Dementia, but one that comes on much more quickly, and takes its toll very soon. It is not like some types of Dementia and Alzheimer's that seem to come on slowly, and sometimes the patients may live for years and be able to function in a good deal of capacity before it really gets bad, but this is so very, very different than even my Grandfather, who had full blown Alzheimer's... this has taken my Mom from being able to do many things herself, just 5 to 6 months ago, to not even being able to turn on her oven, her washer, her dryer, know the month, date, time, and not understand MAnY things, and I feel she does not even recognize some items. Like she was telling me on the phone that the "phone" light was blinking, and I tried to tell her Mom because you are talking on it, the "base" light will blink in use... but when I got to her house, it was the alarm clock blinking because of a storm we had the night before had caused the power to go off for a few minutes, so it was not the "phone" at all. And she cannot recall the names of things, or of people, and now she tells me "YOU know it was "different' when I lived "over there"? And Mom has lived in the same home since I was about 3 years old! There is no other "over there".... So, unless she is talking about when she was still living  home with her parents, I had no clue where "over there" meant....

It is very difficult to watch a parent, or any loved one lose their capacity to manage things on their own, and especially difficult when it happens so fast... 

All I can do, is try to do my best to help her and support her, but I also have to take care of myself.

I should have that neck surgery next week, that I am having to put off again. I am not getting things in order quickly enough for her before I go and have cervical neck surgery that will incapacitate me for several weeks. And now, a few months ago, she would have "been able to understand and even maybe help me", but now, I don't think she even realizes what it means for me to go through this complicated surgery, or that I won't be able to life things, drive for a little while, that I will have a neck brace on for six weeks, and that many of my daily activities that I do at my own house will not be able to be done by me.... 

So, if you are in a situation such as this, and I know many of you are, please try and not feel guilty, or selfish, or like you are disappointing a parent or loved one if you must make hard decisions that you never felt you would have to, such as putting them in some type of assisted living center, or nursing home... it could be the best for you and them also... they need 24/7/365 care, and lots of it... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATES ON MOM, the Dementia, Home Health Care, MY CERVICAL NECK SURGERY COMING APRIL 13TH, and EVERYTHING ELSE.....

I wished my "mind" would rest, but I just cannot stop thinking about what ALL has to be done. There is so much to get done for Mom, but also my own stuff, it seems endless. To add to that, I have not felt the best myself, my night terrors are just horrible, and I have had a headache from hell now for at least two days. I know my doctor told me I had a sinus infection last time I was in, and he put me on antibiotics, but at night I wake up so stopped up I cannot breathe. I have to use some nasal spray, and then I can try and get some sleep, but I feel like I am suffocating. I know part of it is this stupid weather.... 

 

we have had NO winter, and now one day it is almost too hot, then the next, like yesterday and even today, it is very cool... it is sunny, but we have had rain for a couple of days now, so my back lawn HAS to be mowed before it gets too tall for me to do it with my new mower. But, our mornings the dew is so heavy it is like rain. So, there is no way to mow it, until later in the afternoon once it dries out.,.

 

I have to go and get Mom a microwave today, and I need a few things, so I have to go do that first, and then I guess I will try and get this back yard mowed... I am also trying to knock down some of the taller grass on my back lot before the city starts griping and then I will have to pay someone to come in with a tractor to mow it... I had gotten some of it down and then sprayed the weed killer on the weeds, so I had it kind of coming under control. Then of course it rained, and without the sun, now it is getting tall again, and I still have not had time to get the people that may get these bees out of that old piece of bus back there... so it will be hard to find anyone who will help me try and get that back "forty" as I call it cleared and cleaned up... I have so many dead trees, and limbs and the grass now is getting too tall, plus my neighbor never got all of his crap from the goats and chickens he had back there before he had to take the goats somewhere else... it was so nice with them back there they kept the grass, weeds and even all of the trees trimmed for me...LOL.. 

 

They would stand on ther back legs and reach up into the trees as far as they could and eat the leaves out of them, so even the trees stayed nice and trimmed back there... anyway, I hae been trying to do a couple of things here I needed to do at home, and now I am going to take my meds, eat some cereal, get dressed and go and see if I can get that microwave and pick up the other stuff I need... then I have to go over to Mom's and check on her... get her medications reorganized, and see how she is doing... she was in bed again yesterday when I went over, and I gave her some of her pain medication for her back, and got her the phone, some water, put some Ensure on the nightstand, and left everything that she needed and came home. I have not talked to her this morning yet but I had to apply for a new insurance card, SS card and her Medicare Card... somewhere down the way she LOST those in the past week or so... I cannot find them anywhere, so I got that done this morning... but I still have to go to the post office, with the form I filled out and her Drivers License and Birth Certificate to get her SS card... I thought I maybe able to do it online, and could everything else, but not the SS card yet... in some states you can order it online now, but TX is not one of them yet... anyway, thanks all of you... I need to get going... I HOPE TO BE A BIT MORE SETTLED TOMORROW SO I CAN CATCH UP HERE, ON MY BLOG, MY NEWSPAPER ETC...

 

I am so far behind on my advocacy work, blog, and everything... I am just frustrated I cannot find time to do my own stuff... and I am supposed to have surgery on my neck on April 13th!!!! I just do not know if I will be able to... if we get HOME HEALTH coming out for MOM by then, MAYBE I CAN HAVE THE SURGERY, but I MYSelF MAY NEED HOME HEALTH HELP AFTER THE SURGERY FOR A WEEK OR SO... I will be in a NECK BRACE 6 WEEKS! And I won't be able to LIFT, BEND ETC... until that begins to "heal" which takes at least 6 weeks for it to begin those BONE GRAFTS TO BEGIN TO ATTACH TO ALL OF THE HARDWARE IN THERE... OMG YOU SHOULD SEE ALL OF THE STUFF HE TOLD THE INSURANCE COMPANY HE HAS TO DO TO MY NECK... HE HAS TO TAKE OUT THE OTHER HARDWARE, AND TRY AND FUSE THIS OTHER DISC, THEN PUT IN NEW HARDWARE TO HOLD ALL OF IT IN PLACE... so this is really much more complicated than my 1st one.... plus my lumbar spine is giving me fits also, so I know I face having that surgery also... Hugs to all of you, Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"

Elderly Parents, Alzheimer's, Dementia, Falls, ER's, and so forth....

Please continue to keep my Mom, myself and family in your thoughts and prayers. Things are just getting worse. Mom was on the floor when I got there yesterday, she had fallen and had been laying there for she said 2 hours. She "thought" she tripped, but I am not sure that is what happened. Thank goodness, I had the paramedics come out, and we did take her to the ER to be checked over. She had a bump on her head, and was complaining of her neck hurting, and being of course "sore" all over... nothing showed to be broken, and she has a couple of bruises, and a couple of small "wounds" but nothing bad enough for stitches. This situation is just getting worse by the day. I was there on Sunday afternoon, and her medications once again were all mixed up. I had just had them all correct in the pill box for 7 days on Saturday. So, I got there and found Sunday, part of them "moved" around, and 3 or 4 days of them "missing"... I explained again, about that she cannot take 2 or 3 days worth of medications... or NOT take any at all. But, I honestly do not think she "gets" any of it. She was so "out of it" Sunday, I was extremely upset and concerned when I left there. But, I also was not feeling well myself, and I am dealing with my own pain pump NOT set correctly, and I am not sure what the hell is going on with my own pain doctor, but he was "off" himself week before last when I went in to have it refilled. He had the settings "way off" and I wondered why my pain was still so bad. I knew we had not gotten it all the way back up to the normal range that he old pump had, simply because we did not want to overload my system with too much all at once, but it is definitely NOT near being correct. Even the 3 boluses I take daily are set at 0.1 and should be (1.0)!!! So a HUGE DIFFERENCE... and I had been taking I guess my oral medications a bit more than usual because I have been compensating for the pump not being set correctly. Anyway, I go in this afternoon, but not until 2:30PM which is so late in the day to have to go to Dallas and then get out of there before rush hour and try to get home... plus MOM has STILL NOT GOTTEN ANYTHING FROM THE MARKET, and that is what I was supposed to do yesterday, until I got there and she was on the floor. Then I was really pissed at the ER. They NEVER CAME IN AND TOLD ME ONE THING. THEY REALLY NEVER ASKED ANY QUESTIONS OR TRIED TO ASK ABOUT OTHER HEALTH ISSUES, and in fact I DO NOT THINK ANY DOCTOR EVEN SHOWED THEIR FACE. 

There were two women, one of which I knew was a nurse, and she was not pleasant at all, and then another woman, who possibly was a physician but I did not know and she never said so. They did not ask me any questions, and I had left when they were taking her for the CT of her neck and head... the girl told me it would be 45 min to an hour before they would have the results, so I needed to run home, and check on my pups. 

I did not know I was going to be gone that long when I left the house, so they needed to be checked on. By the time I got back to the hospital no more than 25 minutes later, she was DISCHARGED and sitting in a chair, and they were trying to call me to come and get her!!!!!!! Again, no word from a doctor, no questions, nothing... they barely got a wheelchair to bring her out! And at the time all of this had happened at the house, she was not able to stand up by herself... so needless to say I am NOT pleased with anything I saw, and even the paramedics were not all that "pleasant".... 

I won't go into details, but basically I called the regular phone number and not 911 because I did not consider it a life or death emergency... Mom was talking, breathing, not screaming in pain, but she was not able to get up and she was complaining of her neck hurting... so I call the regular ambulance line... well when the paramedics got there and I met them outside, and told them she fell etc... and one of them said do you want to take her to the hospital? And I told him well if something appears to be broken, or she is not feeling well or in pain when you get her up, then yes, BUT, if she is able to stand up, or not complaining of pain then maybe I will not take her to ER but call her doctor... and he got about half smart with me and said well then why did you call 911? 

And I told him I DID NOT CALL 911... I called the regular ambulance number so if they from there made it sound like it was a 911 call I cannot help that... anyway, I did not get home until 4PM or after and I am mentally, physically and emotionally drained, even this morning... 

I have to get a home health care nurse set up to go out and see her when I am not there, or in between me being there, because I can't be there 24/7 and even though I go everyday, or call if I don't go, someone else needs to come in and check on her, her vitals, make sure she is taking medications properly, and so forth... I don't think she is eating properly... and there is just lots of stuff that is just not right, and this has happened way too fast... within 3 to 4 months she went down this quickly.... anyway, I have to get her stuff done this morning and then get myself to the doctor in Dallas this afternoon, and I hurt from head to toe... so again keep us in your thoughts and prayers.... Rhia

Eldery parents,caretakers,your own illnesses,surgery,family matters, Humana and insurance,doctors offices and issues, and more...

 Life is not always  BED OF ROSES... but I would settle for a few soft petals for now...




I am so excited - My NEW CORDLESS Weed Eater Came in yesterday! No more trying to pull those heavy cords around the yard, and I can take this out into the "back forty" also. Plus it is really almost lighter in weight than the corded one, and certainly lighter than the "gas" one. I can't weed eat for any long length of time, but I did discover, as long as I take it slow, and take breaks fairly quickly in between, then I can do lots with it. I can't start my darned lawnmower, because I do not have enough strength in my arms anymore to pull it quickly enough for it to start. It sucks, because I just put almost everything new on it last summer. I put the new pull cord device on it, a new air filter, changed the oil, a new spark plug, and fixed the "baffle" on it that deflects the grass. So, I am hoping my neighbor who used to mow the lawn will still do so, and he can see if i did a good job in the "overhaul" I guess when it plays out on me, I may have to get one that is "push button" for starting or something. I no longer can pull the cord quickly enough to start those kind. Anyway, right now I hope "nothing else" breaks or needs replacing around here. 

I've got the surgery to pay for, a doctors visit tomorrow that will have to be paid in full right now by me... he is my PCP and the ONLY doctor NOT on my "preferred provider list"... Hopefully since Aetna bought Humana, (they are on Aetna's plan) finally it will come together and they also will be on Humana's also... it is so odd, Humana used to carry them as a preferred provider for years.... anyway, I am having HELL with the surgeon's assistant that is doing my neck surgery. I go through hell with them on insurance every time... I FOUND THEM AND CALLED NOW 3 TIMES to make sure his clinic is on the "preferred provider list"... and I have seen it and they told me AGAIN ON THE PHONE YESTERDAY, that they are on Humana's "preferred providers list".... BUT the doctors office said the insurance said that they are not... well the issue is they have it listed under their "clinic name" which Humana tells me that means "the doctor" is covered... and I even got a special number on the phone yesterday as a confirmation that he is a preferred provider that I faxed to the doctors office... anyway, I have a 750.00 deductible on any "non preferred" provider then the insurance will pay 60% of the bill anyway, and then I pay 40%... so if it comes down to it, once that 750 is met, I would owe 40% of whatever, office visits, etc... and sometimes that 40% is actually "cheaper" than the co-pay which now is 20.00 for a PCP and a specialist is 45.00 in co-pay.... anyway, between that, trying to get Mom all figured out as far as her medications, and so forth, making sure I have someone to get me back and forth to the surgery next week on my neck and I think my son will be able to, he has to check with his work, then I will be in a neck brace for about 4 to 6 weeks...

 I will be able to drive after a week or so, but being in that neck brace makes it a bit more difficult, plus my pain pump has to be refilled around the 18th or so.... gosh always something... I won't be able to bend over, so I will have to get "creative" in changing the dogs paper and feeding/watering them... the little one is so full of "pee and vinegar" as the old saying goes, LOL, I will have to be extra careful with him after surgery so he does not trip me, or make me do something to "injure" my neck for the first couple of weeks... anyway we have all of that going on, and some others things, with family going on... I think all of us are more stressed out than we can almost handle... keep your thoughts and prayers with all of us right now.... I know my family will appreciate it for sure... 


My daughter and her family are under a great amount of stress due to jobs issues... things are so up in the air with the oil and has industry, and her husband, my son-in-law has worked with that type of thing now for over 10 years... yet with the extreme drop in oil and gas prices, of course it is taking a toll on so many of the companies that have anything to do with oil and gas right now... It is wonderful for us when we go to the gas station, but a nightmare for so many who may lose their jobs, and so forth. Talk about a double edged sword... so I have her and her family in my heart and am concerned for them, as I know this is a difficult time for them also. He does not really know from one day to the next if he will have a job with the company or not, and after having that security, benefits, insurance and so forth for over 10 years, that is difficult to deal with.