A Wreck, that has totally "wrecked" lives and where is the justice???? Now I am no longer "stifled" and can say as I please... Autoimmune Illnesses & the Horror of Life and Dismay

By the way, just got home from Mom's Kidney sonogram, and I FINALLY got a call from my PAIN DOC'S office! My pain pump IS APPROVED, thank goodness, AND they were going to do surgery this coming Friday, BUT due of course to the abscesses, I have to wait, and get a "clearance" from my PCP... and I have to call them to let them know I do not think these antibiotics are working.... and then tell them they HAVE to GET ME WELL ASAP so I can get this surgery over with! Wish me luck, and still "no word" on the other item yet....
and on a FURTHER DISTRESSING NOTE (to say the least) AFTER 20 MONTHS of all we went through, a marriage destroyed, and several lives totally destroyed in so many ways, we LOST! They "ruled" that "neither" our car, NOR the truck driver were "at fault".... needless to say, yes, that ends it, but it sure as hell does not help ALL of the other issues that went along with it. I will say more, but right now I am so upset and disbelief - so I shall tell more later...


I have said from the very beginning, that "something smelled rotten" about this entire thing.... for one these 2 "so-called" witnesses, I've seen where the accident happened, and unless someone was staring at that piece of I-45 all the time, they would never see anything... AND I also feel that both the owner and driver LIED on the stand, in their depositions, and more... I have no way to prove it, and probably never will, but I also had a feeling when I was there Friday, that the "jury" selection was really "biased" - over 70% were the same "nationality" as the driver and owner, and everyone else at that company for that matter.... I am still in shock to say the least, along with of course Jim, my Mom, my daughter... and she KNOWS all of the issues about a CDL License and rules and restrictions of drivers etc... her husband works for an oil field company, and a couple of their drivers have been in accidents, and she said NO WAY no HOW would that business gotten away with this... lots of stuff just not "right"... but as I said... nothing to do but try and move forward.... what a nightmare, over and over, living it every single day since March 26th 2014 and how much is destroyed, lives, a marriage, and a great deal more than that. BUT, it is hard to get something "fair and just" IF another side is playing dirty pool.... and now I can say what the heck I please...

I've felt this from almost the very first moment that we took this and decided to file a suit against them. I "watched" each and every tiny moment of how this company "acted" - how they from the 1st "denied" any wrong doing, and yet admitted he was ON A CELL PHONE, a car in front of him, that had time to get out of the way, and everyone, including experts, and in fact their own "expert" in re-construction of the accident admitted he should have SEEN our car, no matter what, and being a truck driver, if he had his eyes and mind of the road, he had more than plenty of time to stop! Even before Jim was out of surgery in those first hours, I spoke with my insurance adjuster, she she told me the two guys in the Tahoe, had been known for appearing to get hit, thus they cause the accident, but claim otherwise and had been PAID several times by different insurance companies that would "settle" just to shut them up... In fact, the trauma doctor that I spoke with while still in the lobby of the hotel there in Washington DC, when I 1st learned of the accident said two things to me, before he even began telling me about the extent of Jim's injuries, he said JIM WAS NOT AT FAULT AT ALL, HE WAS NOT SPEEDING, and he was driving fine... that an 18 wheel tractor trailer hit him from behind and basically "ran over" our car! Of course due to the fact, I was told this on the phone by the doctor, and my insurance agent had told me this about the guys in the Tahoe, it was "not
admissible" in court, because it would be considered "hear say".... in fact those two tried to get money out of my insurance company, and the woman there basically told them to take a flying leap... they had proof of them causing this type of situation in the past... Also they basically tried to say that my car, the Hyundai was not "road worthy" and that the hood flew up which began the accident... I know for a FACT, MY CAR WAS COMPLETELY ROAD WORTHY! The Monday morning just before Jim drove me to the airport 70 miles away, and back home. The hood on my car, was extremely difficult to even open. The hood was very heavy for a small car, and I had made that statement on several occasions... and it had a "double locking system"... and that was to keep it from being able to "fly up"... you had to unlock the first one, then push further into it, to "open" it, and same way closing... once I closed that hood, it was as secure as any hood could be.... I will always remain stating that they all "flat lied"... that they "paid off witnesses" - these people standing around in their "yards" on the side of I-45 coming into Dallas, and 2 of them "happened" to have witnessed this so called hood issue... I am sorry but that just does NOT add up.... the odds of that are slim to none... and I also feel the jury was "biased"... as I had said above, the company was owned by the same nationality of people as the driver, who basically could NOT even speak English... and way over HALF of the jury was the same nationality... now if that is not biased, I don't know what is... due to my own health issues, these abscesses on both thighs, the pain pump being stalled...and so forth, unfortunately, I was not there to even see the jury picked.. and I was only there briefly on Friday to give my testimony, and then I left and came back home.... I really was not supposed to go then, but my doctors told me if I went, testified, and came home, then it would probably be okay, thus that is what I did... I SAW the HOOD LATCH MYSELF at the impound the net morning, when my son and I went to see the car, and take pictures.. and that LATCH was still fine and in fact, they had pulled the wrinkle out of it enough, they had it "latched" down, I guess the tow truck driver did that... and I took pics of it.. but at the time, I did not realize that I should have taken more photo's and much closer to the latch, yet then I had no idea that anyone thought the hood flew up before the car was hit.... or I would have made double sure, I had more information, and then the Dallas Impound "sold" the car... and that was before we had retained an attorney, thus the hood had basically been removed, and the motor taken out before our attorney found it... fortunately it had not been crushed yet, but still all of that being taken off, did not help, they had removed all of the pieces of the latch on the hood, and the parts on the car that held it, thus that proof was destroyed before we had any photo's etc...anyway, I could sit here, and continue to go over and over and over each and every tiny detail, from that moment I got the 
dreaded phone call, and tell each and every detail of the entire ordeal, but it does me no good, I already have had to "relive" it so many times, and it just causes me more hardship, more pain, more emotional overwhelm, and will not allow me to try and "heal"... not that talking about it is a bad thing, and that is the one thing for me that is cathartic... to be able to "say" or "write" my feelings, thoughts and so forth.. that is what makes me the writer I am... but all of that will not change the outcome, and I can talk until I am blue in the face, and that will not "fix" the damage this has caused to Jim, myself, and my family and friends.... as I told my Mom several times, I feel "cursed", and this is not the first time in my life I felt that way... it is like some dark ominous cloud hangs over me, throughout my entire life, I have felt it and almost seen it - and if anyone says, "Well, everything happens for a reason" to me, I may smack them in the nose!!!! That is what we "say" when we are at a loss for words... and I am sure I have said it too in the past, but trying to "find the good" out of something so outrageously bad... sorry but I just don't see it.... so where to begin - to try and "pick up" the many pieces of a heart broken, a body well riddled by illness and stress, and an emotional realm that as "strong" as everyone claims I am, I am not sure at all, that I have any more "stamina" of mind to sustain me anymore... and even trying to put one foot in front of the other, and move forward... well, that remains to be seen.... my worst concern at this moment is Jim.... he stood the one that had more loss than anyone from this, and for him, this means no help with doctor bills for the future care he needs, no money to sustain him in life and he has lost much of the place in the brain to "hold" a thought process so he can again design and develop websites and so on... the "coding" is something that requires a vast amount of holding onto thoughts, that may have to require coding on several different places and pages within a site... and especially anything complicated as his clients have had, online shopping carts, and the "behind the scenes" information that must detail their sales, inventory and so forth. I "worked" with him on more of the design part for about 4 years or so, and since then, so much has completely changed... it would take me months, if ever for me to even be up to speed again to even do design work... so I know for him this is a devastation that goes far beyond what most even comprehend... again each and every thought and prayer are needed in a continuing way... to help sustain him, as well as myself, and my family..... 

Daily Life with Autoimmune Illnesses, RA,Lupus,Sjogren's, family, friends, doctors and all in between

It seems I've been almost "stuck" on this subject of living daily visits and such they come along with them.

I have found that at times I get so "technical" on my blog, I forget to just discuss daily life... my family, Mom, my grown kids, my Grand kids, and all of the medications, symptoms, side effects, and ongoing things that many of us face in our daily walk of life.

But, when you have any type of "chronic illness and/or pain" "nothing" is typical. Waking up in the morning and feeling "okay" aat times in itself a challenge. Then you face LOADS of medications that sometimes become an "evil necessary in order for you to have any type of quality of daily living.

Even though with all of the meds, keeping up with doctors visits,trying to take as good of care of yourself as possible... there are still errands, families, bills to pay, food to buy, and "we" as patients all too often find ourselves "overloaded" with some of the daily tasks that before we were chronically ill, would have been a breeze.

I have a "GREAT DEAL" I shall catch you up with tomorrow, Sunday morning. I HOPE that I feel well enough FINALLY that I can go back to church in the morning. Even something such as going to church can have to be 'put on hold" if you are ill, or are in too much pain... nothing is "ever" good to go, for the most part... almost every aspect of life is a challenge or gets challenged by the horrid evil illnesses.....

Here is a bit, from a post of mine on FB.. and I will continue tomorrow.... 

Lots going on and I honestly kind of just "crashed".... After everything from my own bout with whatever the hell this lump is on my upper left thigh, to not feeling well as far as my stomach, and so on... Mom and her lumbar spine issues, and we still have to go for the injections... I postponed them until next week. With her younger sister passing away with cancer, the funeral and all that we have had to do, and then neither of us feeling our best, I felt we needed a few days of down time. I've got to find a surgeon to remove this lump. It did not go away with the antibiotics, and after 3 rounds, my PCP wants it to come and so we can find out exactly what it is... infection, a cyst, or whatever it is... I also developed a couple of "sore spots" around my waistline. One right at my belly button, and another towards the left of my side at my waistline just a bit towards my back. So much has happened and I've been doing so many things around the house in between, it could be I just hit myself or strained myself and did not even realize it. I found one a couple of days ago, and then the other yesterday. We are still all reeling from my Aunt passing away... I am the kind of person who can be "strong" to get everyone else through things, and then after it is kind of settled, then I fall apart... and that is kind of what has happened to me over the past couple of days... I really did not want to do anything, see anyone, write, talk to anyone... all I've wanted to do it sit, be quiet and still, with my two pups, and watch movies... I just have needed this "down time" to gather my thoughts, and try to get a list of the "what needs ASAP" to be done in the next couple of months... Mom's lumbar stuff, my lump removed and that chest Xray - honestly, I feared taking my Orencia when this cellulitis showed up. Well, I was already having a new swelling and much more pain and stiffness in my hands and fingers... and it is much worse now. I am supposed to get on the Xeljanz, but I need the chest X-ray first, and there has just not been a "good time" for me to run and get it honestly. Besides if this is cellulitis, I don't want to "compromise" my immune system anymore, and we now have a "POSITIVE West Nile Virus in mosquito's here" actually found only about three blocks away from my home!!! So, that is another frightening situation. Anyway, I also have to get well so I can have my back surgery, which really needs to be done before the first of the year... and we will "tentatively" be having a "settlement" on the accident from 2014 hopefully in about 7 to 8 weeks, if things go okay... and then there are "other things" once that is over that must be done also... not giving details but some of you already know the score on that... so LOTS on my mind, heart, emotions, and physical realms also... I will"bounce" back... but I have to jump a few hurdles and hope not to trip and fall over them wink emoticon Hugs, Rhia