Reflection - Where were YOU on that fateful day or Horror??? 9/11 changed all of our lives and this world forevermore...

Gosh and 2001 had already proven to be one of the most hardest years of my life. On the 8th day of January 2001, I had a heart attack. That was about 10 AFTER the man I was married to for almost 18 YEARS walked in on Christmas Day 2000 ( he had been gone like usual and I had no clue where)... So, the kids, and some of their friends, were at the house for Christmas Day. When he showed up, he "threw' a present at me, said he was leaving, and probably would not be back, got some clothes and left. Everyone was gone that morning that I drove myself 20 miles to the closest ER. I had been not feeling well, and having some chest pain for the 3 days prior. I thought I may have bronchitis, so I called my doctor at the time. He told me to get to the nearest ER immediately. Well, I was "chatting" with a dear friend who lives in Malta, and she told me if I did not either call the ambulance or get myself to the ER, she was going to call from Malta, here to TX, where I was and have the ambulance come and get me herself. So, I promised her I would go, and thus got up and went there. As I drove, I put on my flashers, but did not want to drive too fast. I had no clue what my might while I was driving. But, I made it to the ER, walked in and told them about the chest pains, and they immediately and swiftly got me in a room, began an IV, gave me an aspirin, and started doing an EKG, blood tests etc... they also came in and gave me medication into the IV, that cost 2,500.00 for one dose... a bit later a doctor walked in and he told me that I had an MI, and that the initial blood work showed I could have massive damage to the heart muscle. I still had not called anyone to tell them. But, they knew me there at the hospital because I had worked as a Patient Rep there for 6 years, and one of the nurses told another friend of mine who was still there in the business office. She in turn called my parents, etc. They wanted to transfer me to Baylor in Dallas. But, they had to stabilize me first before they could. So, I was put in the ICU unit... I found out that $2,500.00 injection probably saved my life... it was one of the newer "clot busters" & it basically stopped the heart attack and prevented further damage to my heart. But, it was still unclear until they got me to Baylor via ambulance the next day. I HATE ambulances and hope I never have to ride in one again. I had already done that twice, and then after that I actually have been once again in an ambulance I think now 3 three or so... Anyway, as soon as I was put in a room in the cardiac unit there at Baylor, they began tests to see what was going on, how much damage, if I needed stents and so forth. So, they did an angiogram, which they put an incision right almost at the bend of my thigh and pelvis, ran wires up to my heart, where they could see what was going on.... well, I was of course awake, maybe a bit sedated but not much, and the doctor said something like OMG or something. I thought he had found something horrible, but he saw one of my main arteries going into my heart spasm... thus they felt that may be a part of the factor to the heart attack I had at 40!!! From there they discovered that the damage was minimal due to that injection, which was why at first the enzymes in my blood were so high... it stopped the damage thus allowed those enzymes to be rather extreme... I went home 7 days later, with ONE thing that shall always stick in my mind. I saw my cardiologist about 2 weeks later. He told me either I CHANGE everything in my life and do whatever it takes to get away out of the grips of whom was making me sick and hurting me... mentally, physically and emotionally, OR he would kill me one way or the other... so I went home, got myself together, packed what little I could after my 6 week follow up and headed for Lancaster CA. I had made a couple of friends there via the internet... and Aimee told me I could come stay with her and her Father, get a job, and I could stay there even after she moved into her apartment and have her room at her Dad's home. So, I did. I got busy trying to find a job... in fact for a couple of weeks, my "job" was to find a job. And I did. I was supposed to start one, and it got delayed because that company did not have their equipment, computers and so forth ready yet. So, I interviewed for another, and was to go to work that next week. In the meantime the place that helped me find the job, had a "temporary" job in a warehouse close to where I had been staying. I could work that for a couple of shifts until I went to work that Saturday at my permanent job. Well, in the process of cleaning up shelves and so forth in this HUGE warehouse, I knelt down on my "bad left knee" and I felt it immediately. I had torn more stuff and damaged it. I had to leave the pain was so bad, and by the next morning it was swollen so much I could barely bend it... But, I worked that Saturday at the new job, loved it, and my thoughts were to stay work long enough to get on insurance, and have the knee seen about. But as that day wore on, my knee got worse. That Sunday, I made the difficult decision and had no choice but to get in the car with my stuff and come back to Texas. I was still covered by the insurance that paid for the heart attack. I got back here and within a week had seen an Orthopedic Surgeon, had an MRI, and was having knee surgery. From there I got "better" and went down to Austin to find a job. A dear friend of Aimee's lived in Austin, so I was staying with her and her boyfriend... I had found a job, and while I was there, I exercised, walked, and did house work and so forth for her, and got in much better shape physically. So, my plan was to actually move much closer to my parents and to the kids, so I decided Austin was just not where I needed to be... so on September 11th, 2001 I was in Ft. Worth TX, heard something on the radio, and turned the TV on to watch the 2nd plane hit the 2nd World Trade Center Tower... after that everything was just nuts.... I watched for hours and hours that horror unfold... I could not take my eyes off the TV... and I called my Mom and Dad, because at the moment none of us knew exactly what could happen... so I tried to get hold of everyone to tell them I was safe, and check on them. I made a brief stop back in Ennis, and then is when my life entirely changed for the better. In the back of my mind, was that voice of my Cardiologist, get out and away from "him" - speaking of my now ex-husband or he is going to hurt you in one way or the other... thus on October 31st, Halloween Night, 2001 i got off the bus in Seattle WA, which totally gave me a new life, new job, new friends, and I was "free" of the abuse and horror that I had been through for years in TX. I filed for a divorce before I left TX, then flew back later to "seal" it in front of the judge. For 5 years there in Seattle, I cannot begin to tell you how much I changed, I grew stronger, I had more faith in myself, I made my own decisions, I loved my job as an Apartment Manager, and even bought my 1st car, that was my own. From there the story goes on, moving back to TX 5 years later due to needing to be here for my Mom and kids... but to this day, I shiver at what I saw on that TV, and witnessed the bravery of many who risked their lives to save others.... I am sure for many of us, there is a deep scar in our hearts, that still remains after that day of horror... and now we live in a MUCH different world for sure.... we have to be diligent everywhere, from church, to a Mall, to our schools, to even a Movie Theater.... to just being out on the street or highways driving. Since 9/11... our lives are lived around almost an "untold" and "unspoken" deep seeded fear, that anywhere we go or are, we could be a target for someone who hates mankind... the terrorists are not just in New York, not just overseas, but they are our next door neighbors, a family member, or that stranger in a car that may drive by.... that is right our children will never know and their children... that "freedom" is not what it used to be... It is sad and now once again this nation and just about every nation in the world have "turmoil", war, death, starvation, droughts, terrorists, people that "prey" on their own kind... the reflection in the "mirror" of life is no more and never will be again.... Thanks Jason Harber what you said and what Amanda Batson- Matheny said along with many of us will reflect on today... and just how much we have changed as "humans" of how we feel we must "not trust" as much, we can find ourselves living in a "fear" and may not even realize it... The Memory of the Loss of so many innocent lives will always remain, and what those terrorists took was something from ALL of us... and left us with fear.... my thoughts, prayers, and in Remembrance of ALL who "lost" - I pray that no more will we have to endure such horror....

All Kinds of Things Going on personally and in our nation.

Many of you probably had your eyes glued to your television sets yesterday, much like my husband and myself did. We were going to take a break, and eat a quick "brunch", as we began to hear the news on CNN. At that time we had not had the opportunity to read any of the breaking news, but it was evident that something potentially bad was happening in several of our airports. As we began to listen to the events unfold, it was an extremely familiar reminder of September 11, 2001. Possible explosives headed for Chicago. Planes possibly carrying packages with explosives in them. Several airports under alert, and also at least 2 airports, one in the UK, and another in Dubai, effected by all of this. It was such a reminder of the morning of 9/11, when the world was glued at that time to their televisions, radios, and anywhere they could to get the latest about airplanes running into the World Trade Center towers in New York, as other ones were a seeming threat to the White House, and also to the Pentagon, as another crashed into that building. It was a living night terror, surreal and just to the point of some of us wondering if it was a huge hoax, kind of like HG Wells, and the alien trick played so many years ago, before television was even invented. It was a huge story line, and his book depicted the "events" in such a manner in a journalistic format, which made the story unfold as if it were real.

Of course, yesterdays events unfolded and all of us knew it was not some elaborate hoax, but was a very real situation. One that now has left us with many unanswered questions. Some we may never know answers to. Others due to the extreme nature of needing to be top secret, the government I am sure is not disclosing, just due to not wanting information to get into the wrong hands.
We are asking things such as why these particular packages were headed from Yemen to the US? Where they actually "explosives" completely set up and designed to be detonated? Were they "pieces" of an explosive device or devices, that were to go into the hands of someone who were put them together and later use them as a bomb plot against us? Is there a further "agenda" by those terrorists involved to watch how we handle the situation, and they are readying themselves for another attack? Is it a test of our Homeland Security, a test of our nations airports, a test of just how capable we are to handle another massive attack? Where they truly meant to explode at a specific location, at a specific time? Or was this just a decoy while they decide their next terrorist move against our country and many other of our allies. We already know these people despise our nation and our people. We already know that many are willing and ready to sacrifice their own lives in the name of religious beliefs, and die for that cause.

Did our "intelligence" work? Did our tactics put in place since 9/11 take care of such a horrendous situation such as 9/11? Are we as individuals and as a whole nation on alert enough, do we have security in the proper places enough, are we watching closely enough to be fully prepared for another night mare such as that fateful September day? My thoughts are that out of the millions of bits of information that are gathered on any given day right here in our nation, along with many other nations, that we have to be doing an incredible job of thwarting these plots. Of course as individuals not in the government agencies, we do not know just how many potential bits of information lead to nothing, or lead to a plausible situation in which we do act upon to stop such a horrific event from taking place again on our own soil. Yet, it is mind boggling between what takes place on the internet daily, the millions of emails, posts, websites, blogs, and such alone that you have to wonder how we could catch such things as the possibility of attacks again. Then you have all types of other ways to communicate, to be mobile, to be around the world in a matter of hours now. We are such a mobile community, with cell phones, computers, fast traveling air planes, the railroad, cars, the wireless internet where you have "hot spots" all over this country and the world now for that matter, than can be used to send information immediately, without any lapse time. Even you just consider UPS, FEDEX, and all of the other ways packages can travel from one continent to the other in a matter of even a day, and that does not include by ships, 18 wheelers, the postal service, etc. that at any one time something can be shipped from somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and be sitting in our of our nations huge city's in a matter of hours. Needless to say when you really sit down and think about the reality of how our Homeland Security Dept. as well as our law enforcement, our several other intelligence agencies, and even us as watchful citizens can be able to intercept such items well before they reach where they are meant to do nothing but harm us, maim us, scare us... all in the name of their own teroristic nature.

It also brings to mind the whole bullying thing that has been in the spot light now for weeks. It just blows my mind to think we are raising young kids that are already developing a hateful nature when it comes to their peers. We know that "teasing" has gone on forever in schools, and anywhere children are in groups. From the time we were all in school, we usually had one or two kids who were trouble makers, and deemed as "bullies" in our schools. Yet, then a "bully" certainly was not the connotation of what we mean as bullies these days. I cannot fathom young kids making such a mockery of their own peers that it causes such a horrific problem for the tortured child, that they even remotely think about wanting to kill themselves. I recall being "teased" and it was not funny at all. I was a bit overweight during my teen years, and I endured some name calling, etc. due to my weight. Until this day some of that does haunt me. Even though I took the weight off just after graduating high school, until this day when I look in the mirror, I see that chubby high school student, and it puts a damper on how I feel, and my self esteem. Some of it caused my own issues with how I feel about my body, how I feel about even gaining a pound, and how I present myself in public... all of it at times stems from those days of being called names in school.

Yet, now, it is far from being the typical name calling about being overweight. These kids are being fully attacked about all aspects of their lies. The hateful and bitterness witnessed today among our youth, is not just a tease but full blown hate crimes in many ways. When you are verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically attacked by those that should be your allies, those that are supposed to be your peers, it hurts more than just a name calling event.

My question is why this is happening? Where are these kids learning to be so incredibly hateful, mean, and showing no compassion, no decency, no manners, no feelings for those around them. Is this something they see all too often or even taught at home? Is this stemming from lack of parental control, lack of family life being what it used to be, from what they see on video games, hear in music, read in books, see on television, and witness by others where youth are. We definitely as a nation, as schools, as youth events, as parents, teachers and the like need to get a grip on these events. There needs to be punishment, education, and ways that these kinds of happenings are put to bed for good. These kinds of actions can only lead to adults that are going to be more hateful and more apt to hate crimes, if something is not done to stop these kids.

It is an ongoing battle that certainly needs to have attention and prevention done. The answers are probably not all black and white, but shades of gray as to how to handle these events, how to give our kids more self esteem, more empathy, more respect, and more morality. That has to come from home first, then from teachers, pastors, and all adults that are around our nations kids. Respect is something that seems to have been thrown out of teaching. Respect is something that needs to be definitely brought back, for both children and also for many adults.