Rid Our World of Lupus 1 Butterfly at a time!

 Rid Our World of Lupus 1 Butterfly at a time!

#whyitattoo

New Post for Pseudogout, Blood transfusion, Severe Anemia, RA Severe Pain & COVID Virtual Visits & more...

I really have SO MUCH to try & catch up here on, so I am going ton"Post"n some of my ongoing chronic health issues, things about COVID, my 2 unit blood transfusions RA, other meds, so many Lab tests, Virtual Visits and more...

More about my Life Living with RA, Lupus, Pseudo-Gout, Severe Anemia & Making My Home Put Together Alone, through the Pain and all that comes with these illnesses.

As I said day before yesterday I CAN HAVE THE STRANGEST MESS HAPPEN AT MY HOUSE!!! 1ST OF ALL I am so embarrassed to even talk about it..I HAD A "VIRTUAL VISIT SCHEDULED WITH MY RHEUMATOLOGIST AT 2:40PM OR 2:15 PM.. THEY SENT ONE THE 2:40 FROM HIS NURSE AND THE APPT. PART OF THE PORTAL SAID 2:15 OKAY as usual between my dogs up & down and the pain in my back & hips, and hands.. I was UP by 3:30AM yesterday morning...Well, I did several things during the day around the house, did laundry, I have even putting things "more in order" rather than scattered around, for instance al of my hand cleaners & sanitizers.. by the way I DID GET MY 2 CORDLESS NEW BLINDS UPAFTER 3 DAYS OVER THE KITCHEN SINK AND THEY ARE AWESOME!!! ANYWAY, I WENT AHEAD ORDERED 2 MORE FOR THE NORTH SIDE OF MY KITCHEN, SINCE INE OF THOSE WERE FALLING APART & I wanted 2 get them ALL THE SAME! So, those were so much easier than dealing with over the sink and around "rotten light fixture that is another story. I also KNOW I have to put up a new light over the sink, because it is so "rotten" where some of the plastic things are they have cracked, and after 14 years, it is just a mess. I spent some of yesterday trying to find one of those that was NOT $$$ of dollars! I also looked for a few other minor things for the house etc... Also I was HURTING LIKE HECK... THE HUMIDITY WAS HORRIBLE & AFTER UP AND DOWN THAT SNALL LADDER WITH THOSE BLINDS, AND THEN WORKING ON THAT DANGED ROTTEN TREE, THEY WERE AND ARE IN BAD SHAPE...Plus I of course have things around the house I can "work on" .. my HAIR is a mess to say the least and since I had that Virtual APPL. with my RHEUMY yesterday I had tried to do "something with it" Well it was about an hour till the computer visit and more, so I decided to it down with the pups for a few minutes, decide on dinner, then it would be time. NOW the fans are going, the A/C Unit is on and all are LOUD.. I had the TV on.. the dogs were right beside me and of course when I NEED them to BARK they don't.. So suddenly I jumped up & I had DOZED OFF & WASALREADY LATE FOR MY APPT!!!! and of all things it was with DR.Q. HIMSELF, AND I RARELY GET TO SEE HIM! I usually see his PA.. I was headed to the computer & to get the program pulled up and my home phones rings! It is MY DOCTOR!!!!! Plus after the call, I found out he tried 2 TIMES ON MY CELL (BUT IT WAS CHARGING IN THE OFFICE & I COULDN'T HEAR IT & I NEVER HEARD THE HOME PHONE THE 1ST IME HE TRIED EITHER... OMG!!! I WANTED TO CRAWL UNDER THE COMPUTER... I WAS TOTALLY MORTIFIED.. NVER , EVER HAD I DONE THAT.. NOW GET THIS.. HEB AND I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY MEDICAL STUFF ON THE PHONE WHILE I PULLED UP THE VIRTUAL PROGRAM THEY USE AND FINALLY ABOUT THE TIME I CAN EVERYTHING SET UP... MY DOG IS BARKING, BARKING AND MORE... & I KNOW SINCE IT WAS JUST IN THE NEXT ROOM in the living room, at the front door MY DR. COULD HEAR IT!!! Anyway, he did say that the program they use to do the visit had problems yesterday and he thought maybe I was having issues..plus he was working "from home" and not the office yesterday. He isSTILL very DISTRESSED over the ANEMIA... & wants to do some other types of blood tests, and he wants me to see a HEMATOLOGIST FOR A BONE MARROW BIOPSY. Which is what I thought also.. he put me back on the Colcrys for the Pseudo-gout.. and he thought "maybe" the "MTX" the Methotrexate I take and have been taking a long time off and on "maybe" making the anemia worse. We talked about some other meds etc, but 1st he wants that bone marrow biopsy. BUT RIGHT NOW I AM EXTREMELY FEARFUL OF HAVING THAT TYPE OF PROCEDURE DURING THIS PANDEMIC! He told me he would find a very reputable Hematologist but I also have to make sure my insurance TAKES THE DOCTOR. AND USUALLY HE LET'S DR. B.; MY PCP'S OFFICE DO MY BLOOD DRAWS, SEND THEM OFF & SEND THEM PCP AND MYSELF.Well he was at home & was not sure about getting the Lab orders over to my PCP's office, which he could send them to me on the portal & I can take them... I have CLUE where the closest Lab Quest is & I am NOT driving to Dallas for it... Quest picks up with my PCP.. so all I need is Dr. Q to give the orders to his office or over the portal.. anything to save me driving somewhere especially right now in a busy Lab office somewhere in Dallas.THEN to top it off after dinner I went outside like I always do and walked around & everything seemed to be 'Fine".. I went back in for about an hour & had my front door partially shut do to the heat but I walk out and my Bird Bath is completely turned over (it is anchored in the ground" even though it is fairly lite) then I see FEATHERS everywhere! Then I walk to the North side of the house & the cat that hangs around was laying in the neighbor's portion o the drive way but nothing like feathers so I figure the bird got away..Well SOMETHING TOLD ME to check the ground to the SOUTH side and look. Sure enough here is the remains of a large bird probably a dove, one wing one place and turn up another part of the bird further down right beside my house!!! Well by Now I am TOTALLY LOSING IT!!!

#GIVINGTUESDAY Crucial things that need our assistance in giving in some way...

As we celebrated Thanksgiving and now rush around for items under the tree remember there are extremely crucial people, non-profits and more to give your help to...If all you can do is "Spread the Word" about your favorite Charity - That is also Giving of Yourself...

                     #GIVINGTUESDAY  HERE IS JUST 1 EXAMPLE OF MANY!

https://www.givingtuesday.org

Several New Clinical Trials Our by "Cure Click"...RA, Diabetes, Fibroids, Lupus, Memory Problems and more...

There are several new Clinical Trials out sponsored by Cure Click... I've been so busy tied up with things around the house especially outside before the cold weather gets here, that I hope after the holidays, I am "back on tract" with my blog, writing, Social Media, book, and activism..,


I've tried to post what is most important, and then I also had "browser" issues. I have decided finally to "switch" to another browser, but I am still not thrilled with it. I guess I was so comfortable and familiar with the other one, after many years, that I've found it difficult when I really have not had the time to learn more about it to feel good about using it.

But the other one, which all of them are memory hogs, was just ridiculous... it was getting to where it was locking up every other moment, and I was having to force quit it and restart it all the time. It was SO SLOW... also... and I have plenty of "memory" as far as that goes, but all of the "items" that browsers "keep", and of course some "cookies" you find are helpful, but the cache is ridiculous at times...

Plus I believe after the last "update" they did, they had some type of virus. It was never as bad until about a month ago, and I got just fed up....

Anyway, I wanted to give you a heads up on these Clinical Trials, many of you maybe interested in them...

There aer still others that are in clinical trial phase also, and the graphics and links are on the sides of my blog... so be sure to check those out also... I will get these up also, as soon as time allows!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED UPCOMING 2018!

http://curec.lk/2BZ0myn

http://curec.lk/2C0r6i4

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http://curec.lk/2C22B3R

http://curec.lk/2ABuhAz

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Cure Click! There'is A New Way "in town" to find Clinical Trials in your area!

There is a brand new way you can find those "Clinical Trials" that you may have wanted to try and enroll in, but wading through the "red tape" of those, trying to find ones in your area, for your particular type of illness can be a very daunting experience!

Now here is "Cure Click"! It can make your search for a clinical trial much simpler, and allow you to possibly participate without wading through pages and pages on websites. If you have any questions, feel free to post, or contact me. Below is more information about the program, and more explanation on how this could be the answer you have been waiting for as far as a Clinical Trial Experience!  Rhia

RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS CLINICAL TRIAL SEEKING PARTICIPANTS

Rheumatoid Arthritis is a chronic inflammatory disorder affecting small joints in the hands and feet that affects about 1.5 million people in the United States today.
There is a clinical study available to those with Rheumatoid Arthritis, where the purpose of the study is to compare the proposed biosimilar study drug rituximab (GP2013) against a standard approved treatment rituximab (Rituxan®) to see if the study drug is as safe and effective in treating rheumatoid arthritis.
More about the study:

• The study drug (GP2013 and Rituximab) is administered by IV Injection (IV).
• At least 174 people have already taken this drug in clinical trials

If you are interested, the full study details and eligibility criteria are listed here.
Eligibility Criteria:
Participants must:

• be at least 18 years old
• have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis for at least 6 months
• have had inadequate response or intolerance to DMARDs (disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs) and 1 – 3 anti-TNF (tumor necrosis factor) therapies
• have received methotrexate for at least 4 months with 25 mg/week as the maximal dose

Participants must not:

• have significant liver disease, or congestive heart failure
• be taking a high potency of opioid analgesics (e.g. methadone, hydromorphone, morphine)

Please complete the online questionnaire to check if you’re eligible for the trial.
If you’re not familiar with clinical trials, here are some FAQs:

What are clinical trials?

Clinical trials are research studies to determine whether investigational drugs or treatments are safe and effective for humans. All new investigational medications and devices must undergo several clinical trials, often involving thousands of people.

Why participate in a clinical trial?

You will have access to new investigational treatments that would be available to the general public only upon approval. You will also receive study-related medical care and attention from clinical trial staff at research facilities. Clinical trials offer hope for many people and an opportunity to help researchers find better treatments for others in the future.
Learn why I’m talking about Clinical Trials

 

 

Fatigue, Stress, Pain and the Realms of Autoimmune Illnesses bringing on more or worsened flares

I had just read and article about how many of the medications used for RA; along with Lupus, Sjogren's and many of the other autoimmune illnesses can possibly lessen the disease progression, when it comes to the joints, organs, and body. Yet, there is still a huge issue, that seems is not often controlled, or controlled enough with these. That is fatigue.

Fatigue, and I am speaking of the bone-tired, extremely weary, almost daily type of severe fatigue, that sleep, rest, nor many of the medications we use help or help enough. Those of us with Autoimmune illnesses know this so well. Even though our "minds" want to give us that extra "push" of energy, just like the "spoons" theory, or any type of "idea" such as comparing how many "units" of energy we have, it at times seems to never be enough. We run out of physical "steam" long before we complete all of the tasks we wish to.

It can bring a spiral of feelings and emotions when this happens. Guilt, hopelessness, feeling "less than", or as if you are letting a spouse, job, family, friends and yourself "down" because you just cannot shake that bone tiredness.

Even though we have many things that are out there to help try to battle the bone tired fatigue, and the almost unbearable pain at times, we still are never quite "over" it... or have total relief from any of it.

I've tried to envision having a period of "remission" since day one of finding out about the autoimmune illnesses/syndromes. I really can't think of any "long period of time" that "all" symptoms were gone. It just has not happened. I feel I battle 1,2,3 or more symptoms all the time. They are there underlying, waiting on the time when I am most vulnerable, and then come on with a stronghold.

It matters not, if it is Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Pernicious Anemia, MS... and the list goes on for 100's of different AI illnesses, one of them are always right in my face, setting on my shoulders, making my body scream out... I may not "scream" out loud, but my BODY is begging for a "vacation", a time of NO symptoms, to be let off the hook, to take a sabatical from the aches, pains, mental fog, fatigue, rashes, mouth ulcers, skin problems... all of them or even one of them feel like I could just lose it at any given moment. The old adage that we are never given more than we can bear... some of that maybe true... but when you are truly suffering from a daily, moment, hour, minute, breaths space, or with each step you take, something feels wrong. You "feel" whether physically, mentally, emotionally, or any of the combination of those may just push you right over the cliff! I went through that with the most horrid migraine headaches for many, many years. From the time I turned 17 until about 7 years ago, those headaches ruled my life for the most part.

I might be out headache free, whether working, dancing, out shopping, cleaning house, or whatever, and be hit with such a vengance of pain and nausea, that all I could think of, is whatever it takes - GET RID of this FREAKING HEADACHE!!!! Anyone who has any types of these headaches, or those that deal with chronic pain and/or illness(es) can totally relate. I have honestly heard of some with such intractable pain that take their own lives. They have reached a place that being on Earth they feel is just hell... and nothing will ever change that. I never thought I would be able to go even a week without one of the damned things. And I spent many day and nights, either at home, sick as a dog with them, or sick at work, with my head on the desk, or in the ER, begging for them to just make it stop. I went through every type of treatment, doctor, and medication known to man for them at the time. From pain medications (Butalbital) was one my doctors used quite a bit back then, to chiropractors, PT, other stronger pain medications, to an Ergot(which I am highly NOT able to take especially due to my reaction that I had, then my heart attacks) , to having the occipital nerves in the back of my neck injected... you name it, I tried it... and nothing really "worked"... some of them would at least get me to a place that I could withstand the severity of the pain and nausea, but other than when I was pregnant with my son, then 5 year later with my daughter, I thought I would bear the burden of those things on my back until eternity.

Well, I suffered for many years. They would wax and wane... from time to time, I would find deliverance from them, and other times, I felt I was constantly battling a severe headache. Yet, when I FINALLY begin to get treatment for the Autoimmune Illnesses, had several joint replacements, including a shoulder, and also surgery on the other shoulder and elbow... and also cervical neck surgery... and the adding of an incredible pain specialist, now I have what I call a "Lupus Migraine"... they come on when I flare badly with the Lupus. Yet, usually an injection of a corticosteroid, like Solu-Medrol will knock them out. It make take a few days, usually at least 2 days, sometimes 3... with that and then the "high step down dose" of prednisone for 10 to 14 days, will remedy one, until I flare again. I've learned over the years, that just like arthritis, autoimmune illnesses, chronic pain, joint issues... when the WEATHER acts up, you can bet I will have a severe headache, and of course usually the joint pain, stiffness, etc... all come on with high humidity, a dramatic change in the barometric pressure, a dramatic drop or rise in temperature, etc... 99% of the time, can be "diagnosed" by many of us before the weather even reaches us.

So, my own conclusion now about the migraines that I have are "inflammatory" headaches. That is why a corticosteroid injection can get them under control, whereas regular "pain medications" no matter how strong or weak... just will not reduce that inflammatory process behind a "Lupus Migraine"... and FYI that is MY OPINION... and what I have gleamed from them, and the injections. So, I don't know if physicians would agree, but I do know my PCP, takes me seriously. When I call with one of these headaches, he has me immediately come in, get the injection and the script for the step down dose of Prednisone.

Why the headaches somewhat "improved"... well improved is not really the term, they have "changed"... who knows... possibly any and all of the things that have come about with the AI and chronic pain issues... I just know now... or usually (I have had an extremely bad one, and I am not shaking it as quickly as usual.

But, I could probably name dozens of reasons of why they have migrated to being different, age, hormones, illnesses, medications, weather, living in a different place, stress, and on and on....

Sjogren's, Dentures and the Ordeal of the nightmare money wise and pain wise to get "new teeth"...

Some Photo's of Me Recently after getting my dentures - I had never been one to smile in any photo's. I always hated my front teeth. I had "genetically" inherited my top two front teeth being "large". My Dad, my half-brother, I, and my son... and I am sure some of the other family on Dad's side all had the same. Plus my bottom teeth were not straight, and I had a 4 wheeler accident at 25 yrs old, that snapped the bottom half of one of those top front teeth off. I had it "built onto" and it stayed like that until earlier last years 2014, when Sjogren's took my teeth, quickly and quietly. It seemed it quietly came into my mouth, and within 4 months literally rotted about 8 of my teeth from the inside out, just leaving a "shell" that then broke off at the gum line. After having that happen about 4 times within 2 months, I went to see another dentist, who did a "surround" type of X-ray that showed just about every tooth I still had were also going to do the same thing. It was just a matter of a brief few months, and all of them would be falling out at the gum line, leaving me to have to have them pulled. So, I began to "weigh" my options that honestly, were slim to none. Even though it is an "illness" that literally rotted my teeth, and had nothing to do with my own dental hygiene etc... I could not get my insurance to pay one red cent on any of the massively expensive and time consuming work it would take to get me over the "Sjogren's rotting teeth" out of my mouth.

You are talking about somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000.00 to actually more like 15 to 2o THOUSAND DOLLARS of dental work. I had to have ALL of the rest of my teeth pulled. Then due to my bone structure , the Sjogren's, the medications I have to take for the RA, Lupus and so forth, had also had its finger in the loss of every tooth in my mouth. That began about February 2014, and I still am not completely finished with the entire ordeal. After pulling sets of 5 to 7 teeth at one sitting, then they made my dentures, and pulled every last one in the top and bottom that had been left up front and visible. So, that was 11 TEETH in ONE sitting, and then they put the DENTURES RIGHT IN OVER THE TOP OF ALL OF THOSE STITCHES AND PULLED TEETH!! Surprisingly, it was not as painful as I thought, but for weeks and weeks and weeks, and even now I struggle about eating. There are certain things that in no way can I bite into or eat. Most everything has to be finely chopped up, even tomato and lettuce. I have to tear most things apart  in extremely tiny pieces. With the dentures I also don't have as much room in my mouth as I used to. Plus, I still lack going back and having "mini implanted little screw like devices" put into my lower jaw in four places, so that my bottom dentures will fit securely on those and not be moving around all the time. There is no way, I can keep them in place, without having those put in. So, that is another at least 3,500.00 for the four little pins and then adjusting the bottom dentures to fit down over those pins when all is finished. It is pure insanity, money wise, time wise, pain wise and the amount and length of time it takes to complete the entire ordeal. So, now after so many years of wishing for "beautiful teeth" so I can smile, I have them. I just never figured it would be because of some disease that ruined my own, and I would have to deal with a full set of "false teeth" or dentures. So, when you "ask" for something, you may get that "wish" fulfilled someday. BUT, remember it may NOT BE the WAY YOU HOPED for IT TO BE! So, here are a few new pics since my dentures have been put in.   

LOL!!!! Notice I STILL have a difficult time "smiling"... so many years of not because I hated my teeth... so breaking the habit is hard to do.  Rhia













                                                  

Dealing with Aging, Chronic Illness and Another Birthday today!

All of us have to deal with aging. It is just a fact of life. If we are here on this Earth, we naturally are a tad bit older each day.

I am dealing with my 55th birthday tomorrow, Sunday the 15th (almost a Valentine's Baby). I always have a difficult time dealing with how quickly these birthdays seem to come around. It feels like I just celebrated one, and here is another one popping up.

When you have a chronic illness (es) and/or are living with chronic pain, I feel you have more of a feeling of "desperation" as the days go by. It is of course a known fact, if you are chronically ill, with just about any type of disease, that can lessen your life span depending on which illness, and how well it can be managed.

So, with someone such as myself, dealing with Lupus, RA, Sjogren's, already having two heart attacks, etc. the possibility of me living my life out to my 90's or less can be something that you have to admit may not happen. No one wants to think about growing older, and then passing away. We have so much LIFE to live, none of us want to check out of the life hotel, before we have completed all of the things we want to. Maybe it is to see your kids, grandkids, and great grand children grow up. Maybe you have things like myself, a blog, a book to write, people to see, family that you of course don't want to leave, and hobbies, activism, volunteer work, traveling, just the daily parts of life such as they are. with Autoimmune Illnesses, days may not be the greatest. You have some that are full of pain, and you would prefer not to deal with. Yet, you usually would rather deal with the pitfalls of chronic illness, than the opposite, which would be to pass onto another life.

I didn't get to finish this post yesterday, so I will finish it off for now with what I have written on Facebook this morning. I am so fortunate to have so many people around the globe that lift me up in faith, hope, and prayer... and I want all of them to know how much they mean to me.

This has been such a wonderful day so far. Other than waking up early this morning with a freaking horrid headache, that then upset my stomach as usual, I am having an incredible birthday! I went yesterday and got 3 shirts and a purse at Beall's for less than the price of the purse itself! I had a gift card from them for my birthday, plus some other good coupons. Then Mom and I stopped at the Dairy Queen and got burgers and fries. I brought ours home, so that was Jim and I's Valentine Day special. :):) Mom gave me a beautiful card, and what she wrote in it brought tears to my eyes. She has always been here for myself and for Jim, especially after the accident. Then Jim's Mom also sent me a card, and money! :) I had ordered something on Amazon that usually I never would have even tried, but it came in yesterday and they fit perfectly! I got 5 new bra's in the colors I needed for like 25.00! Plus Jim gave me a beautiful new robe this morning!!! I needed it so badly. I was ashamed to even wear my old one, it was definitely worn out.... then I got a call from Amanda Batson- Matheny​ and a bit later from my son Jason Harber​ which made my day to hear their voices and have them call was a wonderful treat... I also went and got us "no-no's" as I call donuts... we have a place just a few blocks away, and I could sit there and make myself sick, eating them. They are so good!!! :):) We were supposed to head to Winstar today. But, the weather is supposed to begin getting lousy today, and it is already really cloudy, and we are expecting a high chance of rain today and tomorrow, plus colder temperatures. So, we decided to wait to go the the Casino when the weather is a bit better. Driving in rain does not bother me if it is not too far away, but being with the idiots going through Dallas in the pouring rain, is not my biggest thrilling adventure! So, the rest of my day will probably be just relaxing with the pups and Jim. Probably going to watch a movie or two, and other than that, try and put all of the "everyday" worries aside today and not think about all there is to do, errands, running here, there and yonder... but just have a day of peace with these 3 I have so much joy with ... the pups can make us laugh no matter how lousy we feel, or how badly the day goes. Bubba Gump will raise up on his hind legs, with his front paws down in front of his face... and those big eyes just saying Mommy, rub my tummy... or the way he loves to watch television and movies. Tazzy, bless her heart, can still do some things to make me laugh... but she is really beginning to get a bit "feeble" in so many ways. She is I believe 11 years old. Jim gave her to me as a Christmas present while we were living in Seattle. That was the Christmas of 2004, because she was a year old when we got to TX. So, time has also flown by with her. It seems just yesterday, I was visiting her, with her brothers and sisters, trying to decide which puppy I wanted. She came running to me, not bigger than my hand... then ran over to Jim and began to give him kisses. From there we knew she was the one!!!! :):) She was not even old enough for me to bring home. I had to wait a week, and she got her last puppy shots, then we picked her up the next Friday night, just before Xmas. Life has just passed by so extremely fast. Day will have passed away 10 years ago on the 27th of March. Mom will be 80 in August. And Jim and I have been together now for 12 years, and will be married in April 10 years. I would not have missed one moment ever so far in my life, and I am so very fortunate to have family, a spouse, two pups, and so many friends to keep me from going insane at times. You each bring something special to my life, and even if we never were to meet in person, which of course many of us might not, you are still as much a part of my life, as if you were right next door... thank you... each and every one of you, for giving me strength, courage, hope, faith, and on the right path in life... I am blessed and overflowing... Rhia

RA, Lupus, Sjogren's - New Symptoms? another Illness? and even the thrill of "Good Stress" can cause a flare...

Life continues to buzz by faster than a speeding bullet, and faster than a rocket. I hoped 2015 would begin anew, and slow down a bit to allow me a breath or two. After 2014, and ALL that I, along with family went through, my main hope for 2015 was to be more "well" physically, mentally and emotionally. I hoped life would "slow down" to a bit more of a sprint, rather than an all out marathon race, and with that would also come a bit of respit from so many bills, my teeth, Jim's accident, attorney's stuff, going to all of the doctors, and again we could see the light of dawn, after such a black ink darkness of the past year.

It's not that things have been "bad" as of yet. Although the first of every year brings another set of stressors many of us have to deal with. If you own a home or property, like myself, you probably owe property taxes by the end of January. Like many, my house insurance is usually due about that same time, along with income tax filing for many, worrying about a brand new insurance for my Mom and myself (we changed from Humana Medicare Advantage over to United HealthCare HMO Medicare Advantage plan)... and I knew there would possibly be a few kinks in the entire change especially for me, since I have so many medications to have filled. Of course all of that had been resolved with Humana over the several years I had it. In fact, I guess I had Humana from 2006 forward up until this new year 2015. I had finally narrowed down most of their stupid hoops that myself and my doctors had to jump through. So, as I knew I am having to go through a few red tape situations in order to get my medications refilled.

I am also dealing with something involving my stomach. I am not sure exactly what the issue is. I realize that all of the medications I must take daily, does not help at all. Yet, I've been taking the majority of them for years now, and as long as I take my Meclazine for the vertigo issues, I rarely had severe nausea issues. Over the past 5 or 6 months, it seems I am nauseated more than not. I am even taking Promethazine and now having to take it daily. Part of it, I am sure is stress. Stress over my own illnesses, medications, bills, and what needs to be done. Stress over Jim's health situation and knowing there maybe many things we come to have to realize that he will never be able to do again. A piece of me truly thinks that many things like driving, walking a long distance with just the cane, doing most things are the house chores, especially anything to do with finishing up the remodeling, laying floors, painting and so on. His balance is still so "off" that there is no way he can stand on a ladder what so ever. He can't keep his balance for very long at a time now. As much as I want to believe it will get better this year more; since it will be a year in March on the 26th since the wreck happened, I just don't think that any more time will make him any better doing some things. As we have both learned since his accident, balance is almost more important to "life" and what you do every day, than walking, running, picking things up, getting on ladders, bending over. Even riding our exerciser which is kind of an "eliptical" one, we saw immediately it was his balance that really through him off to the place I have to stand beside him in order for him to ride it. So, strength at times is not as huge of an issue is the balance situation is.

Along with this almost daily nausea I am having, also comes a fatigue that can at times be worse than my experience with it through the years since being diagnosed with RA, Lupus and so forth. For about 2 or 3 years I didn't sleep much at all. I was up and wide awake by 4 am at the latest. Then all of a sudden, and we are staying up a bit later, but here lately I am not waking up until 7:30 am most mornings. So, I continually feel I am running behind. When I was getting up several hours earlier I could get more accomplished. Now, by the time I am up, and turn around it is 2 or 3 pm. The days just seem to be going by even faster than last year. I also know that with the RA, Lupus, Sjogren's and so on down the list of my health issues, my stomach issues could be taken as a part of those. Severe headache, nausea, the fatigue... the muscle pain, and joint pain, all sign and symptoms of most autoimmune diseases.

Yet, you know how you feel at times when you just "KNOW" something else is going on. I can't explain it, but whatever is going on now, seems to be "different" than the symptoms of what I've been diagnosed with.

For one thing, I've had an "extra" beat with my heart now for a long time. I never really was concerned about it. My cardiologist knows, and she has me on medication that keeps it under control. But, a few days back, I had a new type of happening. It was like my heart would be fine one moment, then it wants or feels like it runs really fast for about 4 beats, and then goes back to "normal"... it happened through out the day one day last week. In fact I was so concerned about it, I had called my doctor. She could have see me the next day. Then I woke up with the most severe headache, and fatigue, with the nausea so bad, I had to postpone the appointment. I actually have one with her on the 13th of this month, so I decided to wait until then, unless it happens again before my appointment.

I had came across a story about a woman that was born with a heart defect. They found it when she was 3 months old. For many years, it was under control with medication. When she was in college she began to have problems with it, and later when she was about 39 years old, had to have a heart transplant. It was truly an inspiring story, yet some of her symptoms that she had really blown off as nothing were exactly the same thing I've been feeling. The severe fatigue, she was having bad headaches, and being very nauseated, plus noticed shortness of breath. Well, I had been noticing over the past few months that I complain about sometimes feeling like I am short of breath. I also passed it off as nothing, until I read her story. Now, the one reason I would think it could be heart related is for one, all of the AI illnesses can effect the heart. Two, I have had two heart attacks already. So, that kind of caught my attention, as I was trying to piece the puzzle together as to what is going on with me. Honestly, I have preferred to ignore it. So, other than some "Google" research, I have tried to put it out of my head.

There are way too many things on the agenda I need to attend to, and having some type of heart issue, is NOT what I want to deal with at all. Of course, I realize no one wants to think they might have something going on with their heart. But, what I do have to face, is that statistically I am more likely to have problems, than those without AI illnesses, and/or that have not had 2 MI's already.

Of course, I've received the honor of being able to travel back to Washington D.C. in March, for the "Summit on the Hill". The Arthritis Foundations Annual Event, where we go in as patients or patients families, and tell our Congress People about our stories, and what we want to see accomplished to help those out there like us, that may not be able to actually tell theirs like that. I went through the whole year last year and made "Platinum Ambassador". So, that gives me the opportunity to get the "grant" from the Foundation that pays for my flight, lodging and just about everything other than "personal items". So, that being said, and also as I began this, I am totally elated at the honor of getting to go back again this year. Yet, it brings on a whole new agenda of "good stress", honestly. I've got to be concerned about driving my own self to DFW, which is about 65 miles or so from my home town. Parking in long term parking, getting myself to the proper place for my ticket, going through all of that nightmare, and then getting to DC in time for Monday mornings first meeting, which is at 10:30 am. So, thankfully I do get to fly in on Sunday!!! They confirmed they would cover an additional day for me to come in, since I am flying from a fairly long distance away. But, even with that, trying to pack where hopefully I won't have to check a bag, getting their, settled in, and then having to fly out on Tuesday evening, AFTER our last part of the day on Tuesday. So, again that makes for a very long flight home, getting into the airport back in Dallas very late. Then driving myself back home in the wee hours of the morning from DFW. Fortunately, maybe traffic won't hinder me either way.

I've also got the "stress" about my birthday on the 15th of February. Of course it is much better to at least "look forward" to having one, rather than NOT looking forward to it. Yet, to know I will turn 55 years old in just a couple of weeks really terrifies the hell out of me. As my Mom and I just talking about it. How quickly the years have seemed to pass by. How it seems like just yesterday my kids were born, or I was little and having my birthday parties, and all of those years of youth have just melted away like a molten river of lava down a steep hillside.

We (meaning I) at times became complacent in life. I guess in our younger years, we are so entirely engrossed in jobs, school, college, kids, homes, bills... and everything we incur and that occurs during our robust years of a more youthful time in life. So, we turn around once, look in the mirror to see a young adult making their way through this place we call the world. As we make another turn, it seems the decades have past us by all too quickly. Then if you happened to have came into a life of some type of chronic illness, whether it be cancer, or an autoimmune illness, heart problems, diabetes, and many other conditions that can crop up in the blink of an eye, we begin to want to look back at what "we" did or did not do to cause this. Then all of a sudden, classmates we graduated with lose parents, or worse the classmates pass away. Nothing "stings" quite as badly, as finding out someone who is YOUR age suddenly has gone to be with others in heaven. That one can really stab you where it hurts. It is definitely a wake up call.

So, with all of that comes the "what ifs".... what if I had not married and went onto nursing school? What if I had completely finished my 4 year college degree? What if I had stayed in California, or Seattle? If I "had" or "had not" done certain things, would I not be suffering from the ties of disease that bind me now?

I find myself with way too many questions in life, alas not nearly enough answers for them. I feel often "less than" because I honestly don't have the energy and stamina to "do more", "be more", participate more. What if I could still go snow skiing, on more trips and vacations, and was not so tied to the strings and arrows of chronic pain and illness?

Then I actually witness someone more than likely as ill or if not even more chronically ill than I am, and it appears they can get more done. They do have the stamina, strength, energy and wear with all to withstand and write best selling books, or poems. Or they do much more in their activist advocacy activities.

I have PROMISED MYSELF, and to my very BEST that I CAN do INTEND on completely finishing my BOOK by the end of the year and having it published. That is where I stand, and my stance is. If that means "robbing spoons" from other daily things I do, then I need to learn to manage my time wisely. Putting MORE of my "spoons" into the writing of the book, and taking some time away from things such as Facebook, plus other items I tend to do, rather than writing.

I WILL always be posting here... and never will I allow myself NOT to continue my blog. It is truly my LIFELINE to ALL OF YOU! And it is for ALL OF YOU that I WRITE THIS NEXT BOOK!!! For myself also, but more for all of those out there struggling through the mysteries of life, and the good, bad, really bad and depending on someone to help guide them through the darkness of despair over chronic pain and illness.

You see, it is NOT just our physical bodies that are so terribly effected by these chronic diseases. It is the very core of our being, our hearts, minds, soul, family, spouses and friends... so it is a journey that is to terribly long and difficult to deal with to feel alone in doing it.

So, today... I dedicate each page of the book I am writing to YOU!!!!