Defeated...Am I???

 Defeated… am I?

Trouble is I have so many reasons they don’t..

My perception of this horrid world..is not what I want.

As I’ve sat back….to heal & hang…we’ve became a mere number on a wall…

This world… this nation… is so much more than just a hot mess… we should all be appalled at how we as the PEOPLE

that feel we must beg and crawl.

It’s not just the “disease” of the physical realm.

Lunatics for the most part have taken over the helm.

I’m burned out, I am fed up, I shall NOT stand for all 

that is in this ridiculous, insanity of a world.

I’ve waded, crawled, begged, dropped into a crying heap of nothingness…

NEVER again will anyone…have to live with what I’ve put up with …the distress.

There is way too much pain, too many illnesses, diseases, &

people that suffer daily ….needlessly.

Anyone who tries to tell me or YOU..Life is “easy peasy”…

They must be running in an entirely different time & space…for that’s crazy!

Yes… I write all too often about “love”. I’ve had to crawl out of the pits of hell, abuse, emotional. physical and moreover mental & emotional.

I’ve never said I was some “ranking” of an angel.

But, I do KNOW NO ONE on this planet will fair as an “angelic” figure.

Like I’ve heard…some people are trying to be hurtful.. & their mouths and mind state just pulls the trigger.

By this moment…I thought life would be better..different..well..full of love, laughter…and of course forever after..

What a damned dream fantasy world I was living in…for I feel as if I’m some kind of vermin..a bat…hanging off of a rafter.

Some make us feel ashamed, some bitch, moan, mumble under their breath and then break our hearts….

Have I been so damned naive’ to think SOMEONE REALLY loved ME for ME  from the start?

I’m just someone that has been handed down… and I’ve never 

really felt LOVE!

I see those that “think” they are happy..with greed, lies, just unfathomable ways that shall be judged someday up ABOVE!

Someone said to a friend,”how do you sleep?” because of a statement….and good gosh all I could think of was what a freaking creep!!

We are being demolished…waiting as those who come and want to break us down…

They better take me to the deepest oceans if they think in their horrid ways…make them think I shall ever in their own lies…drowned.

I’m no one with “clout”…I’m not famous, rich or…. have

one damned thing to brag about…

I’ve never & shall never be someone who thinks I’m better…within or without..

I can guarantee not one of us…are “born” without soul…

We may be born with struggles…but look how many become  BOLD!

and from this..all I think is SOMEDAY….MAYBE SOMEDAY…

SOMEONE SHALL SURROUND ME WITH THEIR LOVE AND AFFECTION…. AND GIVE ME DIRECTION…..

AND THERE ARE TEARS ON MY PERSONAL CROSS TO BEAR..

because the ONE person in THIS LIFE…no matter close or far…is completely out of my reach..

I’m in complete defeat….

I FEEL TORTURED!!!!!!! & do NOT know why!

Rhiannon Steele

7/24/2023