Being Totally "Beaten down" by Life... or Lack of Quality of Life...

I TRULY feel HORRIBLE for even thinking this, but I am so disgusted, upset, resentful, and feel as if I have been a "prisoner" on a short leash for so long now.... 1st is was my own illnesses, surgeries, and all that came with the Lupus, RA, Sjogren's and so forth. Then, next was Jim's car accident. WE both felt like VICTIMS and felt TIED DOWN due to how severe all of his injuries were, and HOW FOR A LONG WHILE HE WAS UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING... and NOW IT IS THIS NIGHTMARE WITH MY MOM... I am trying to REMEMBER this is NOT her, and it is NOT HER FAULT, BUT TODAY I am just plain and totally "resentful" of what has been thrown in my lap... She talked to me as if I were a low life today, she accused me of "taking stuff" and Moving stuff... and told me "when she got home" some woman has messed up the whole house"... and I asked her "where she had been" and then she says < Well, at home!" and then I say well Mom where are you now? And she said "HELL I don't know"...

wherever you or some other "woman" takes me.... I "knew" sooner or later" due to her personality being much like my Grandfather's, that the "derogatory" part of her personality (for lack at this moment for a better term" would probably "rear its ugly head at me"... and today it did... and she was telling the "aid" today, that "whomever that woman is" she is mean to me... in other words, she has NO CLUE who I was, and furthermore, that I was her daughter, and I have been nothing but busting my ass to help her! She wants to refuse any help, she does not want the aid to help her shower, etc... she thinks she should never have to "shower"...

and I found drinking glasses in drawers in the kitchen, and things all spread around, that were NOT like that when I left yesterday! She does NOT recall getting up when no one is there, and she digs through stuff, and puts stuff where it does not belong, and then accuses the "women" or "woman" who comes by all the time of moving stuff and making a mess.... In less than 4 weeks she lost 6 more pounds! She just will "barely" eat when I am there, and even though the fridge IS FULL of things to eat, she will NOT get anything out and eat it... then she said it had been "days" since anyone came by to check on her... PLUS here I have this awesome opportunity to go to the Conference in Nashville, and again - I am a "prisoner" and can't even leave for a weekend!

 I am so fed up, and I have told her, and the nurse that comes by also told me himself, when the doctor finds out she is not eating, losing more weight than ever, will not get up and help her own self, will not do the work with the PT, and so forth... he is going to want her in a nursing home... I've cut the gas off to the heater, because she tried to turn it on... I am almost ready to turn it off to the stove.... I found out by "watching her" today... that it is NOT that she does NOT want to watch TV, she has no clue how to turn it on, or change channels... because I finally turned it on today, to make sure the new antenna was working correctly, and I could tell her has no clue how to use the remote.... anyway I apologize for seeming "hateful"... but I am "tired of" my own life always "on hold" because of something, either my own health, now this issue with her or whatever it is, comes along and rips out the parts of my own life I want to live.... I am 56 years old, and after already suffering a heart attack at 40, then being told I would NOT survive another, so I moved away to Seattle, in order to get away from whom was "killing me" in a matter of speaking, only to have other illnesses bog me down, surgeries one after the other, then the massive and horrid car accident with Jim, and now this with Mom... I have survived a 2nd MI when I was 50... but you know I would LIKE TO HAVE SOME KIND OF LIFE, before I am TOO old or TOO ILL to enjoy it! Sorry all of you, I am just in a spot of being knocked down that damned mountain, and feeling battered and bruised... and I am not sure I can climb again....

PETITION TO TELL THE CDC AND CONGRESS THEY HAVE IT ALL WRONG ABOUT PAIN MEDICATIONS & WITHDRAWAL GUIDELINES!- PLEASE SIGN!

HELP! anyone in the Ennis TX Area that could help me out with my Mom over a weekend in May? (see info below)

I NEED A BIT OF HELP!!!! Does Anyone know of someone who could help out with an Elderly Woman that has some "Dementia" here in Ennis, for about 4 to 5 days? I have been given a full grant to go to Nashville TN with the Arthritis Foundation later in May from the May 20th thru May 23rd, From a Friday Thru Monday. I just need someone dependable who can go in, check on Mom, make sure she eats something, (I will have things prepared to just warm up) and make sure she is okay, takes her medications, (which I also will have ready for each day in a pill box) - probably about 2 hours or so a day for those 4 to 5 day.  

I have "Home Health Care" but they really do not do much of that type of thing and they come during the week. I JUST found out that I was awarded the "grant" 2 days ago, so I know this is a last minute thing. She lives right here in Ennis, and there is no cleaning, (other than maybe washing a plate) etc... just checking on her, getting her to eat a bit, and giving her an Ensure, and whatever she wants to drink. IF you KNOW of someone PLEASE MESSAGE ME IMMEDIATELY... 


I NEED TO KNOW TODAY, really so I can let the Foundation know so they can make my flight arrangements and so forth. I will post this on other pages also, but it would be awesome if I could find someone to help me out. I had to turn down an opportunity last year due to my husbands severe accident, and this is a rare thing to get this grant and attend... Thanks so much, Rhia (Pam)

Decisions - Of ME Wanting to Attend an Arthritis Conference, Neck Surgery two weeks before, and dealing with my Mom's Dementia and absurd behavior... at times... I need suggestions

My internet has been down most of last night, then I turned my computer back on this AM and I sill did not really have but "off and on" internet until about an hour ago... so I have stuff I have to do for Mom, BUT I NEED SOME ADVICE or some suggestions etc. Mom is of course STILL not the best... and even the "Home Health situation" IS NOT really going well, but because of HER - she does NOT want to cooperate with them, and if she will not allow them to do their jobs, then she will not get better, and I told her that yesterday... so she "acts" like she cannot get up, but I made her walk to the bathroom about 20 steps away from the bedroom yesterday AM...

 THEN she really would not eat much, so I had to go back over the PART TWO EVENINGS, and make sure she eats something... anyway, as you see below, I have this wonderful opportunity to get to go to Nashville to this Conference, and I am so totally elated... I applied for the "Travel award" a couple months ago, & never gave it a thought until I got a phone call last evening. So, that is going to be MAY 20-22nd - Friday thru Monday... and I am so wanting to attend... but I have to figure out a way to get someone to at least check in on Mom from at least Friday afternoon, thru sometimes Monday, one time a day will probably be fine... SO does ANYONE KNOW OF ANY BODY who does this type of thing? If you do I would love to have someone let me know who does, the expense etc... and I am sure that my pups will be taken care of by Samantha my dog sitter.... 

BUT I also have the neck surgery scheduled on May 4th which is just over 2 WEEKS after surgery... of course I will still be in a cervical collar for 6 weeks, BUT the only thing I see is to make sure I get up some, move around, and even wear compression stockings due to blood clots that soon after surgery... that sometimes riding a long ways in a car or in an airplane can bring on... and I apologize for "not talking" much this past over a week. I had promised to call someone and I have just been in such an overwhelming, overwrought, and almost "maddening" place emotionally, that I just cannot make myself talk on the phone at the moment. I really needed to straighten some things out in my own head, and think things through... lots of things happening, and needing to be done... so that is where I stand... any suggestions would be deeply appreciated! Rhia

"A PAIN, CHRONIC PAIN PATIENTS, Legitimate physicians and patients being treated like common street addicts, and THOSE THE Suddenly cannot "fathom" how we "find a way" to move forward even in the worst of pain....

I am SO SICK AND TIRED of LEGITIMATE PEOPLE in CHRONIC PAIN being treated as if we were some kind of Horrible people living on the streets and buying "illegal drugs"... The "stigma" placed on ALL pain Patients, but ESPECIALLY ON WOMEN CHRONIC PAIN PATIENTS, just makes my blood boil! It took ME YEARS of being in at times very severe pain, of which when I FINALLY GOT the proper doctors and diagnosis and had insurance, the evidence was CLEAR!

I have joints that have been falling apart and degenerating since I was in my 20's! I've had numerous surgeries, by the time I was in my early 20's, I had knee surgeries, elbow surgery, shoulder surgery, and was at every type of doctor possible! I went through the "bio-feedback", and the Chiropractors, who finally one of them told me, he would NEVER touch me again due to HARMING ME MORE THAN HELPING! I SPENT YEARS AND YEARS with HORRID MIGRAINES, that began when I was about 18, and for years, I spent having injections in my neck, going to one specialist after the other, trying every medication, that most of them come to find out I should NEVER have been given, such as any type of "ergot", no types of NSAIDS, and all of the "therapy" in the world was never going to help me with the pain....

 I was NOT DEPRESSED and in pain, I WAS IN SEVERE PAIN, and terrified to depression because I feared living like this the rest of my life and how to take care of my family, do my job, go to college, keep a home, and so forth... to have a "quality of life".... it is totally insane what is happening now, and the government needs to keep their noses out of legitimate pain patients lives and legitimate doctors that are doing everything "by the book" to help their patients...

 in fact my Mom today said, when I asked her if there was anything else she needed before I left (SHE REFUSED ALL OF HER PT, WOULD NOT LET THE NURSE COME OVER AND WOULD NOT ALLOW THE AID TO COME AND GIVE HER A SHOWER AND CHANGE HER SHEETS... anyway, she said, can't you "get rid" of this pain? She very "recently" within the last 7 months or so began to have lumbar spinal pain which is from arthritis and age, and just what the spine does as you get older, especially since she never took care of herself, never exercised, never tried to do a thing to keep her body limber etc... even after watching what I went through all those years.. And I told her exactly what any DOCTOR WOULD TELL HER... YOU NEVER EVER get RID OF ALL OF THE CHRONIC PAIN... you always learn to LIVE WITH SOME of it... and LAYING IN BED, NOT EATING, NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF, and not allowing the therapist to help her gain some strength back in her legs, and back and body, just makes the pain WORSE! That is SHE WILL NOT HELP HERSELF,

 THEN I NOR ANYONE CAN HELP HER... I am to the point THAT I HAVE BUSTED MY BUTT, for 10 years AND THE LAST 7 MONTHS HAS BEEN MORTAL HELL ON ME... and I need my CERVICAL NECK SURGERY, THAT I HAVE PUT OFF 3 TIMES NOW DUE TO HER ISSUES, but I CANNOT ANY LONGER NOT TAKE CARE OF ME... and I AM NOT going to work my fingers to the bone to get her help, to do everything I can, and she lay there and not want any of it... she will NEVER get any better, if she herself does NOT want to..... AND USED TO, SHE WOULD OFTEN SAY TO ME, "HOW DO YOU STAND THE PAIN"?   Now she gripes, whines and fusses about how bad her back hurts, BUT never thinks about how much this is effecting me physically, mentally and emotionally... I am getting fed up... and if all she is going to do is lay around, and want someone to do everything for her, then she needs to either hire a FULL TIME MAID or something... because I am getting to the place it is harming my own health....


THIS BELOW JUST BURNS ME UP!!!!

https://www.alec.org/model-policy/prescription-drug-monitoring-act/

A Question We Often Avoid - Why do "Chronic Pain Patients Commit Suicide?

This is a subject we often do NOT want to speak about. But, it happens daily in our lives, for all kinds of reasons... this U-Tube Video is a gentleman speaking about a questions asked to him in a group setting about "Why Chronic Pain Patients Kill Themselves?" 

I watched the video and what he says is true... there can be all kinds of reasons, but for anyone who had been "healthy and stable", and suddenly something comes into play that takes away all "hope" then those are people that can suddenly decide they no longer can take another day, due to the pain, there is no "hope" for something better in the future and so forth... so I wanted to share this with all of you today... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpRr-A3JKyo

The #MIT 2016 Medical Grand "Hack-A-Thon & a One Minute Video of What YOU FEEL May Help to Change The World of Health from Today - April 29th thru May 1st 2016!

Here is the initial page that tells you what type of "video" they are looking for. It needs to be of course about something in the medical world, that you feel would be of a HUGE Benefit to "change some course of action in our realms of the medical issues today". Only a minute long, and it could be exactly what may bring great results and help to move forward a positive force in the Medical World!

Here are the links:

http://www.2016grandhack.com/

Here is the U-Tube Page:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrzUtRGswcsYvjvYn-hxSYw

Here is a snippet of information from the main page to help you understand what they are looking for! This could be FUN! I just have to make sure I have my "face-on" LOL... in other words look "okay for in front of my camera" before recording it!

Let's see how many can put "their face on in the realms of Medicine" and make some incredible changes. After all PATIENTS MORE THAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT CAN CHANGE TO MAKE THINGS BETTER! 

 

 

 

"New Way" of Asking about a Patient's "Pain Level"!

I have often wondered why with all of the medical knowledge and technology we have, why someone has not invented a "new type" of pain scale.

This "1" to "10" is so totally "not really" giving anyone a true look at what a patient's pain truly is... I mean what is a "3" to someone, versus another it maybe an "8"?

If there were another way to "give someone an example of what those numbers actually meant" then I feel our medical professionals would also have a much better understanding of what that individuals pain level is. In fact just this week, Home Health Care's Nurse that came over to see my Mom for the 1st time asked her "pain level". Well, 1st of all, my Mom just over the past 6 months really began to have "serious daily chronic pain". Up until that time, she was not even sure what that "1 to 10" was. Sure, it is on the walls at the doctor's offices, hospitals and you are always asked, BUT still for someone especially in chronic pain, it can be baffling to describe what that means to that person,

So, I read an article just this week and it had a posting of a brand new way, of taking that 1 to 10 and putting "real life" examples to it, that most can relate to. Here is the chart below:

This was put out by the American Chronic Pain Association and is definitely a much better way of people stating what their pain level is, and what pain level "they" can "live with"....

Plus those with chronic pain, really do go through most of these examples throughout any one day, week, month, and year. In one day, there are times that I may feel like a "6".... but within hours, that may change for a number of reasons, and go to a "2".... and I am willing to bet MOST of us with all these different reasons and types of Chronic Pain will feel the same. I am actually going to print this, and from now on, take it to any office visit etc.... when pain needs to be described. I feel by showing this to my health care workers, nurses, doctors and such, this will make much more sense than me saying I have a "9" but I can live with a "3"... well a "3" under most circumstances is TOO MUCH PAIN to have to bear, especially by the older way of thinking... and an 8 things such as childbirth, kidney stones, severe days of RA/Lupus flares and Arthritis, and depending on what I have done or not done can make that happen, yet within a day or two, I can be at a 4.... again thougH that id NOT AN ACCEPTABLE AMOUNT OF PAIN TO LIVE WITH DAILY! IF CHRONIC DAILY PAIN, PUTS YOU IN YOUR HOME, UNABLE TO DO MOST OF YOUR ACTIVITIES, THAT IS TOO MUCH PAIN TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH!


I Hope that this "New Chart" will give you a better example as how to describe "your own pain" to your doctors. I know for me, it is definitely a better system than the old way!

The Latest Addition of my Saturday Newspaper All Things from Chronic Pain to AAI illnesses, Lupus, and so much more.... great stories today!

Latest Saturday Addition of My Newspaper "Life with Chronic Pain and AAASD's"'' LOTS of great articles from Arthritis, to AI illnesses, including Lupus Awareness Month coming up, Chronic Pain Patients speaking out about the medications they need for a quality of life and even so much more! Check it out, please forward it, and sign up to get the updates daily!  Thanks to all of you, Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"​



http://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814?edition_id=1522ce40-0766-11e6-8e8c-0cc47a0d15fd

Update of My Daily Newspaper - and also an "Update" on just how Insane" a disease like Dementia /Alzheimer's Truly is.....

http://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines

It really DOES for the most part have many articles and information relating to our AI, RA,FM,Chronic Pain, Lupus and so forth, because am able to "pick and choose" what types of information is printed in it daily. So, I have chosen the specifics of what I know many here are dealing with. 


Now I have added "Dementia/Alzheimer's" to the "pot" of things that bring in articles. Never would I have ever in my life thought that about 9 months ago, my own Mom would go from doing her own grocery shopping, driving to church, doing her own house work, cooking, and I just helped with other things... to NOW... she at times does NOT even know WHO I AM, nor that she is in "our home". She cannot go and fix much to eat, I have to make sure she eats, drinks and takes her medications properly. She cannot shower or bathe herself, she cannot clean her house... and she has not driven her car in over 2 months maybe longer, nor been to church... she cannot "operate" her oven, stove, washer or dryer, and honestly the phone (regular home phone) she at times does not know how to use it... she stays in bed more than not, and the list just goes on and on and on... of what in such a short amount of time, not just "mentally" but physically incapacitated these illnesses can be... 

I am of the belief she has a "certain" type that unlike many, starts gradually... and for a couple of years there were "signs" but to go down hill so quickly. It is a "fast type" of dementia called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease .... honestly I hope and PRAY I AM WRONG, because usually it comes quickly, and they pass away pretty soon for the most part, and I am wanting my Mom to go with me like we did just about 4 MONTHS ago to the Casino overnight!!!! She "cut up" her players cards and said she would never be able to again... plus she went from no cane and no walker, to a cane, and within weeks to a walker... and we have to watch her, she now has problems with balance and is a huge fall risk... she has not clue how to pay a bill, she does not even go outside, check the mail, or anything, but due to her falling right now it is best she does not go out... she has several steps down in the front to go down... 

I am totally exhausted, worn out, drained, and in almost a "state of shock"r" for the lack of a better term right now, mentally, physically and emotionally now... I have to go over every day and really should be there more, but I have of course my own home, my pups, and me to take care of also.... WE NEVER KNOW!

Brand New Clinical Trials Sponored by Cure Click One New for Rheumatoid Arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Cushings, CLL,COPD, Pediatric Asthma, Diabetes Trial Search, Alzheimer's & More coming soon!

I want to give out the great news to all of you who suffer from RA and Osteoarthritis! There are two new Clinical trial Studies, for each of these horrid illnesses.

The Information is below, and will also be on my pages of my blog around where all of the other great clinical trials are. Actually several new ones have been added just in the past week or so, including  Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) including a new video link below, Pediatric Asthma, Diabetes Universal Clinical Trial Search, and still there are ones for COPD, Cushings Syndrome, and Alzheimer's Mild to Moderate.

There are also upcoming new Clinical Trials very soon on other very important illnesses that plague our nation, and the world..

So, below are some links that you can go to, and find out more about whether the clinical trial is in your area, if you qualify, and also spread the word to others who maybe interested in some of these. Many people find they are better, some even "cured" by certain clinical trials, and most cost the patient nothing, and in fact many also compensate the patient for their time, their gas money and so forth. So, please take a look or pass these onto others you may be thinking would benefit!

http://curec.lk/1hKk5XN

http://curec.lk/1YGQWfK

http://curec.lk/1rfgZAJ

http://curec.lk/1QkoLgA

http://curec.lk/1VK9axV

http://curec.lk/23JLHmp

http://curec.lk/1SfAHn2 

#cushingsdisease #cushingssyndrome    #patientpower, #arthritis,  #RheumatoidArthritis, #arthritis365, #Rheum, #osteoarthritis, #asthma,#CLL

World Hemophilia Day 2016

http://curec.lk/1W9imfi

World Hemophilia Day 2016

On behalf of the World Federation of Hemophilia, please join us on April 17 to raise awareness about hemophilia and other inherited bleeding disorders. Globally 1 in 1,000 people has a bleeding disorder. Most are not diagnosed and do not receive treatment. Together we can change that. World Hemophilia Day provides an opportunity to talk to your family and friends, colleagues, and caregivers to raise awareness and increase support for those living with an inherited bleeding disorder.

http://www.worldhemophiliaday.com/?dLvEwg 

Another Week of an Elderly Mom, some type of "Dementia", me trying to cope and deal with her, and all of my severe pain, and missing surgeries, and doctors appts because she is ill....

I am MOSTLY on the sofa today I HOPE! This has been another week of hell... to say the least... Mom "seems" to do better on the days I go over there... but yesterday I was trying to get my yard down enough so with this rain it would not get any taller than it already was.... so between my cordless weedeater and my cordless lawn mower it was even hell with all of the weeks and it still being so wet from the humidity... I cleaned out from under my mower at least 4 times trying to clear that mess out from under it... but I got "most" of the tall stuff back and front down for now... I am paying for it today... and have been paying for it all week... I NEED THIS NECK SURGERY and now I KNOW I HAVE TO HAVE THE LUMBAR/SACRAL surgery also... I keep "putting them off" because of Mom mainly... until I know that the Nurse, and the Home Health is going to go over, and she is getting one meal brought to her daily... I feel I cannot go through with the surgeries... I feel she does NOT even grasp that I will be "down" for at least 2 weeks, I should not drive, even though I will probably have to around town... after a week, but that means I can "barely" take care of me and the pups, and I will NOT be able to lift anything heavy, or be taking lots of stuff over to her, or be able to go over there every day, for at least a week or so... after that, then I still will be in a neck brace at the very least 6 weeks maybe longer because this surgery calls for taking OUT all of the "hardware" he put in , in 2012 and redoing it plus the new issues with discs compressed... so then he also is calling for some type of "bone growth stimulation" which I gather he means on the outside, I will have to wear because due to my osteoporosis, the RA and Lupus, he fears I may have further issues with my vertebra and getting all of that to fill in and heal... which takes 6 months or longer for "my own bone fragments" to heal in the "cage" they put in and if they have to use "other types" it may take longer.... I rescheduled the cervical neck surgery for May 4th and unless something horrid happens I HAVE TO HAVE THIS SURGERY NO MATTER WHAT! I will be "well enough" to go down to Corpus Christi to what my Granddaughter graduate, and hopefully stay a day or so, then come through and stay in San Antonio for a night, and see the Riverwalk before heading home... I will have to see how well I am feeling.. with the 1st neck surgery I felt GREAT even before I left the hospital, all of the pain in my shoulder blades and down my arms was "gone" almost right after the surgery, I can only hope I do that well this time... that has been 4 years ago, and lots can change with a body in 4 years.... anyway, 

Mom is NOT EATING! In fact, I got PISSED at HER yesterday! I told her if she continues to LAY IN BED, NOT EAT, NOT DRINK (AN NO CARBONATED ANYTHING), and NOT think she can live off of Ensure, and get back to eating some, supplementing it with the Ensure, and begin to move around some, that her "bowels" (which is what she keeps griping about) were NOT GOING TO DO RIGHT! Plus if she continues to NOT TAKE HER MEDICATIONS, she will NOT be well, or feel well. So, I MADE HER TELL ME SOMETHING SHE WOULD EAT... and I went and got the chicken strips (although fried anything she would put in her system), mashed potatoes, and a roll... plus I brought her LARGE GLASS OF UNSWEETENED TEA, and told her she needed to drink ALL of IT! She is also "dry and dehydrated which does NOT help either... she cannot expect her stomach NOT to hurt, if she puts NOTHING in it, and for her intestines to "work" without getting up moving around some and taking her proper medications... when I ask her if she too her meds... 

I get this answer "Well, I took something"... NO she took NOTHING of her regular daily medications, they were in the pill box on the table! Plus she is drinking milk, which Mom NEVER drank milk or ate much of anything with "milk" in it.. SO I TOLD HER SHE COULD BE LACTOSE INTOLERANT" and may not even know it... because up until the past month or so, she never ate much cheese, never drank milk, never ate much of anything other than breads, bisquits, etc... other than that not much dairy stuff... and if I take her to a doctor he will basically TELL HER THE SAME THING I AM SAYING... she has to EAT some, TAKE HER MEDS AS SHE IS SUPPOSED TO, get UP and MOVE, and quit laying in that bed 24 hours a day... and LAY OFF THE COLA'S AND THE MILK... 

I told her to drink water, drink "green tea" some, but nothing dairy, and nothing carbonated at all, no coffee, nothing with caffeine in it, and continue to drink the ensures but EAT WITH IT! Anyway, when I left yesterday afternoon, she had taken all of her medications, she DID EAT SOME, and of course she can't hold a lot at a time, because she is NOT eating.... and she was drinking the tea, I left a pitcher of water and a glass there, and gave her one pain pill. 

Then I told her after that pain pill begins to kick in to get up and quit laying down all the time... to at least move around to the kitchen, get up and sit in her chair in the living room, but MOVE AROUND SOME... and today through the next several days our weather is supposed to be HORRIBLE, THUNDERSTORMS, FLASH FLOODS, HAIL... no telling what from today through at least TUESDAY.. so I told her I was NOT well either, I've been in pain, unable to sleep, my stomach is not the best either, but mine is nerves and stress more than anything, and the nurse and the aid are supposed to start next week, but I prefer they not come until our weather is a bit more stable after Tuesday or so... I will NOT get my car out in possible hail if I can avoid it.... anyway, I had to get all of that off my chest., it hurts so bad to sit here and write dammit, and I need to write and do some things online, but it is hell for me to sit here very long... keep us in your thoughts and prayers... it is going to honestly take a "miracle" I think for her to get "better".... Hugs, Rhia

Saturday's New Addition of my Newspaper "Life with Chronic Pain and AI Diseases" - Great info in here this morning!

http://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines

MORE CRAZINESS INVOLVING the CDC and them NOT WANTING DOCTORS TO ASK A PATIENT ABOUT THEIR PAIN LEVELS AS FAR AS A 5TH VITAL SIGN!!!! JUST PURE INSANITY!

Please read and sign the petition below to President Obama and how you feel about this Opioid bull!!!!


http://www.medpagetoday.com/PublicHealthPolicy/PublicHealth/57336?xid=nl_mpt_DHE_2016-04-14&eun=g773630d0r



This is titiled "TO STOP DOCTORS FORM ASKING ABOUT"A FIFTH ISSUE WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR PHYSICIAN, AND THAT IS ASKING ABOUT YOUR PAIN, AND PAIN LEVEL!"

http://www.medpagetoday.com/PublicHealthPolicy/PublicHealth/57336

Talk about another load of CRAP!!!! If a patient comes in with anything that a physician KNOWS causes pain, why would they NOT ask the patient what their pain level was, had been and what is "tolerable?" I am SO SICK of the CC, the government, Congress and all of these "opioid fearful people causing havoc for us Chronic Pain patients who like myself when I go to my Rheumatologist Friday, HE SHOULD want To KNOW my PAIN, then, the past few months and what is TOLERABLE? How do we or HE know if my MEDICATIONS ARE WORKING? If he does NOT ask the Questions about pain, the inflammation, and so forth he would NOT know... this is simply ridiculous!

This is purely incidious! How can a doctor NOT ask a patient who comes to see them especially with any illness, whether chronic or acute what their "level of pain is" as a "vital sign"? In the first place, if you leg is broken, or you are having heart problems such as a heart attack that in itself can cause PAIN!

 

Then take Pain Doctors who see chronically ill pain patients, or like above my Rheumatologist who bases a portion of their "diagnosis" updates on how a patient's pain level is, whether worse, better, the same, and so forth... I swear with each day, and each article I want to fly to Georgia and tell the CDC, along with being in Congress, my story, then ask them, HOW LONG THEY WOULD GO WITHOUT ANY PAIN MEDICATIONS IF THEIR SITUATION WAS LIKE MYSELF AND MANY OTHERS? If they have a loved one that is in severe pain from a spinal injury, or chronic severe disease, or has Lupus, RA, and even osteoarthritis, as my Mom can testify lately, causes her SO MUCH PAIN, without a pain pill, SHE LITERALLY CANNOT GET OUT OF BED AT ALL, PERIOD! I felt she may "pass away" on Monday, because I got there and she was in so much pain, AND APPEARED TO BE SO ILL, I FELT SHE WOULD NOT MAKE IT ANOTHER DAY!

I GAVE HER, her pain medication properly, her other medications for her blood pressure and so forth, and made sure she had some beside her with direction on when to take them, and by TUESDAY, she was UP AND OUT OF THE BED! Yesterday, she was up and able to do a "few things" rather than be CONFINED TO A BED! So, I want the CDC TO EXPLAIN WHY I WOULD ALLOW MY MOM TO SUFFER NEEDLESSLY TO THE POINT SHE WAS CONFINED TO HER BED, WHICH WOULD ONLY CAUSE MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS, AND POSSIBLY SEND HER TO THE HOSPITAL, RATHER THAN MAKE SURE SHE TAKES HER PROPER PAIN MEDICATION????? I am SICK TO MY STOMACH, AT THIS CRAP OVER ABUSERS, AND USERS... WHO FOR THE MOST PART BY THE MEDICATIONS VIA THE BLACK MARKET, OR FROM OVERSEAS, AND NOT FROM A REPUTABLE PHYSICIAN! 

THOSE THAT SELL HEROIN, ALSO HAVE THEIR HANDS ON EVERY TYPE OF MEDICATIONS, WHETHER THEY BE OPIOIDS, AND DOWN THE LINE... AND THEY CERTAINLY ARE NOT GETTING THEM FROM A REAL PHYSICIAN... THEY ARE GETTING THEM THROUGH SOURCES AND SELLING THEM ILLEGALLY TO THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO ABUSE!!!!!! 

I want to SCREAM OUT to these fools that THE MAJORITY OF US ARE NOT ABUSERS! We are people that NEED TO BE OUT OF THE BED AND LIVING OUR LIVES LIKE MY MOM! AND, our medications do NOT REMOVE ALL OF THE PAIN... but MAKE IT TOLERABLE ENOUGH TO GO ON for the most part. I STILL LIKE THIS WEEK, HAVE MY DAYS THAT THE WEATHER, WHAT I HAVE TO DO THAT WEEK, from TAKING OUT THE TRASH TO THE CURB, TO SOMETIMES JUST HAVING TO RUN TOO MANY PLACES FOR ERRANDS FOR MY MOM AND I... AND IT WILL PUT ME DOWN FOR A DAY OR TWO, OR THREE... BUT I CAN TELL YOU I would be DEAD, and in ASHES, if I HAD TO LIVE EVERYDAY IN THE SEVERITY OF PAIN with NO medications! There is NO WAY MY BODY could WITHSTAND THAT SERIOUS AMOUNT OF INTRACTABLE PAIN!!! Pain EFFECTS YOUR HEART, AND OTHER REALMS OF THE BODY, and my BODY WOULD GIVE WAY, AND I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE A 3RD HEART ATTACK IF I HAD TO LIVE IN SEVERE CHRONIC PAIN EVERY DAY!!!! SO PEOPLE GET A GRIP AND LEARN THE TRUE FACTS OF THE STORY... WE KEEP HEARING "ONE SIDE" AND NOT THE OTHER......

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Letter to children (mine included) if something happens such as Alzheimer's or Dementia to me....

Here is a wonderful but hard to think about article with a "letter" to their Children from someone who thinks about Alzheimer's and what they want to share with their children....

https://chermor2.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/what-ill-say-to-my-children-if-im-diagnosed-with-alzheimers/

And after witnessing what this horrid disease did to my Granny, my Papa and some with my Dad, and now what it is doing to my Mom at such a rpaid rate... a woman that just 7 months ago was just waiting for my two abscesses to get well enough so we could go to Winstar for a night, that now cannot turn her washer, dryer, microwave, TV, or just about anything "on" or use it... has no clue how to "drive" her car, & cannot recall how to take her medications, but also I have watched her go down in physical appearance, she is shriveling up to nothing, she barely eats, but will right now drink the Ensure's and drink Diet Drinks, and she NEVER used to like any type of soda that much, she has not put on "street" clothes in months, she "cut up" her card to the Casino, lost her SS card, her Medicare card, 3 credit cards within 2 weeks, can't pay a bill, or make out a check, has no clue what any of her bills mean, and even though I have just about all of them on auto pay, two of them I am going to have to put on just emailing them to me, she was almost late on one this past week. I did not know she got it in the mail, and finally she happened to show it to me, many days she is almost bedridden, thank goodness yesterday was BETTER, for a change... she was up and out of the bed yesterday, and was "more alert' and understood more, although again, I had to start her washer, then put the clothes in the dryer.... she thought her money was "running low" and I told her Mom, you are NOT spending any money, other than your regular bills, so nothing is wrong with your finances... she cannot recall the day, month, or day of the week most of the time...

 I have never seen her home as in a disarray as it is now... and even her, she no longer barely cares for herself in appearance, and I feel does not care to.... anyway that is just a few things that Lisa Lisman Walker, you totally understand and more, and you helped me so much... I am now more aware of why or why not on some of the things she is doing... plus Mom is also in chronic pain too... I feel it is her lower lumbar spine, plus arthritis in other places also... she had it already in her hands and so forth, but with her back, and she has some stenosis, some discs that are not good, and bone spurs etc... but the only thing they can do is give her medication... they did one round of injections, but unless she gets a bit better mentally, I do not think she would even think about going back for those... and she cannot take NSAIDS due to kidney functions... so she will be on medications the rest of her life... and if she does not take them as she should, then it puts her in bed worse due to the pain.... 

SO, THE MESSAGE HERE IS... this "letter" is also to my two children Amanda Batson- Matheny and Jason Harber - I will write you both to tell you many of the things this woman says in hers... IF I EVER GET THIS HORRID DISEASE... just put me in a special "home" for these types of patients, especially when I am getting this bad... because I NEVER would want either of you to have to deal with me in this capacity... I am trying my best to keep Mom at her home, and feel it is "too late" to try and "build on" to put her here with me... plus I feel she would not be happy, if we did... if I can keep her in her home as long as possible, with the help of Home Health Care, Meals on Wheels, and myself, then I shall do that... but I want you both to be able to always LIVE YOUR LIVES...Mandi, with your family, and Jason, you also... you have a life ahead of you, and you may too have a wife, and someday kids if you chose that route, and I do not want either of you to have to deal with what I see and hear daily. I want you both to remember that I love you both too the "moon and back" twice, and that if it came to me being like this, I still love you and I would understand if you could not yourselves take care of me... do how I am doing Granny, and let me stay with my own home and puppies, as long as I can... and if with help from Home Health care, and so forth, I still cannot be "alone" then I want you to put me where I can be cared for, but not have to be a "burden" in your lives.... I love you both and miss us not being close, "physically" as to where we live, but that does not change the fact that I love the both of you more than life itself.... Mom Rhia Steele "All things Autoimmune"

Updated Information on My Daily Newspaper, adding a new title and more information including chronic pain, and other diseases...

Notice I have change my Daily Newspaper to include in the title Chronic Pain. I feel I need to make sure everyone does know this paper published and updated at least twice daily includes not just AI illnesses, but much information about all aspects of Chronic Pain, of Alzheimer's, of Dementia(s), and how each and every one of these can totally destroy a "normal" life... and it can happen within a "breath's space"... as I always say...

My last months now for at least 6 or more honestly, have been more than a terror daily... my "mountain top" has not been stood upon in a long while, and between my own chronic severe pain issues, my Mom's almost "overnight" development of some type of very severe "Dementia", where she is basically unable to take care of herself at all... and even yesterday was more or less bedridden, and also complaining of severe pain that began about 4 months ago and is progressing... my life has been turned upside down, and inside out even more than before all of that began.


I desperately need two spinal surgeries, my neck, which I have again had to "reschedule". It should have been done on April 4th, but due to Mom, and not having things in place for her, since I will basically be unable to do much of anything for several weeks, now I have it scheduled for May 4th... and my lower lumbar spine is progressing to get worse... these past several nights and mornings have almost taken me to the sofa due to the severity of pain once again, the weather, humidity, and things I have had to do, causing me all types of issues.... so I want all of you to know this just not just "AI" illnesses but so much more....

Daily NewsPaper- Life with AI, Chronic Pain & So Much More

Dealing With More than you Want to When An Elderly Parent is getting more "ill" by the day with Dementia and/or Alzheimer's

Before I begin other things I must get done today, I wanted to get an update on Mom here. Things are just not looking good. I was there everyday I think this past week again, but maybe Wednesday. The days run together for me now, and I seem to also almost be "lost"... I was there for a brief time on Friday, and noticed she was out of things such as paper towels, Kleenex, probably low on toliet paper, since she had a roll of it in the kitchen for "paper towels"... and she had drank two, 2 liter Sprite Zero and Diet Dr. Pepper's and a 1 liter of diet Pepsi... and the strange thing is Mother used to never drink those. She would keep one for me when I came over, and I had really stopped drinking them a while ago, but I would have a glass while I visited her. She also was nearly out of the Ensure drinks... so I never said anything, but yesterday, I needed to finish mowing as much of my lawn as I could before it rained, so I got that done, and then dressed and went to the market, and picked up a couple of boxes of Kleenex, some double rolls of toliet paper and a 6 roll package of paper towels. 

Plus more Diet Drinks, Ensure, and a couple of cans of soup I knew she would eat. I was not sure what else she needed but I knew to get those, and then get a list. Well, I got there and she was in bed, and this was at like 1:30 in the afternoon yesterday... she has knew I was supposed to come, so the door was unlocked which was a miracle... so I went in, put everything away, and she finally got up and came in the kitchen. I had also picked up medications I knew were ready, and she is complaining of itching so I bought some Benadryl, because she never will get any, and I always have to take some of mine over there. So, she was hurting, and itching (and I don't think it is the pain meds causing the itching, I think hers is just more dry skin because she will NOT put lotion or anything on her skin, and it is just like scales it is so dry)... in fact I need to buy some lotion because the woman from home health care said they would make sure they would put it on her skin when they were there. Well, we sat down, and I told her what I bought and told her to get a list ready and I would pick up more items she needed, but it may be Monday, since I knew the weather may be lousy today. 

And it is, cool, windy and rainy outside today, thank goodness I mowed... which even with the new cordless mower almost killed me... I am only going to be able to mow some, and will have to have someone mow also and help me in between. I will not be able to especially once I have my neck surgery, which I DID CANCEL AGAIN... until the first week in May... right now until I get every else set up for her, there is no way I can have neck surgery. She is so far gone in her mind, she I do not think even comprehends the difficulty this surgery means for me... I really will probably be in a neck brace at least 6 weeks, and this surgery, due to having to remove all that he put in the 1st one in 2012, means this one will probably be more advanced, and lots more hardship that will take a lot longer to heal.

 I noticed he is ordering some type of bone "stimulator" for bone growth... not sure if he means internal or external, but he must think due to my issues with another severe compression, that I may have issues with the osteoporosis causing me to not heal as quickly, which if he has to remove what has grown in place now for 4 years that would make sense... so I felt I needed to wait to see if I can get some help myself here at home. I may need him to write a script for me to have some temporary home assistance come in, and also have my girl that does the dog sitting Samantha to come in and help me with the dogs, feeding them, changing their paper etc... because I will not be able to bend forward etc for weeks after surgery... so a "caretaker" may need to be in place for me also for at least two weeks after surgery.... anyway, I FOUND HER SS CARD! I do not know where it was, but it 'suddenly" appeared in her purse after I looked and looked for two days for it... and it was there, but NOT her Medicare card or the insurance card, which I already have the insurance card, and the Medicare Card is on its way... but then she hands me a "bill" that I had not seen, and it was for one of her credit cards she uses to pay bills, buy groceries etc for the month, and then pays it off when it comes in...well she must have gotten it in a couple of weeks ago, because it was due this coming MONDAY!

 So, fortunately, I went into bill pay and got it set up so it will pay on Monday, thank goodness so it is not late... other than that I may have not gotten it in... SO I SET IT UP to come to me via email and I will pay it electronically. That was just about the only bill left that is not set up to either email me so I can pay it, OR pay electronically without her getting the bill... and now there is one more, that I will set up also, because she cannot recall even when that came in or she did not even realize it was a bill.... I watched her "fiddle" around with a pen, scissors, this little box from a "pie" like you get an individual pie from like Wally World that is already baked, and a brush, a nail file, a mirror, for like 45 minutes while we talked... they sit on this little what used to be a lamp stand and magazine rack all in one, but the lamp has been gone for years and it is so old and almost ready to fall apart. It needs to be thrown away, and something a bit more sturdy put there, but I tried to hand her a plastic container I brought over there to put pens, paper, scissors, etc in, all together, so they are not just scattered loose on this table... BUT I could not make her understand, and she just kept putting them off, on, moving them, etc... and I never did figure out what the heck she was trying to do with it all... but she would pick it up, look at it, and then lay it back down... I do not think she "knew" what any of it was for honestly...

What made it worse though, is that she had some cards there, most of them old business cards maybe from the bank, people no longer even there, and she kept asking me if she could throw them away, and I told her yes... then she came to the two cards from the Casino's, our new one from Winstar, they just gave out new cards when we were there gosh just a couple of months ago, and then one from the other Casino in OK.. and she looked at me, and said I am cutting these up, and I said MOM, those are our card for the Casino's! You don't want to get rid of those, and she looked up and said" I may as well, I have no intentions of being able to ever go back again"..... 

I was floored... that is the ONLY THING MOM EVEN REALLY ENJOYED! Us having Free rooms, and sometimes free meals, and we would go usually about every 3 months, most of the time now spend the night if I did all of the driving, and she was always excited about getting out and getting to go... Now, my fears of what I suspected about a month ago come to reality... MOM IS GIVING UP! In her mind, she feels she will no longer be "able" or even "want to" get out and even go to the Casino again... the other day when the home health nurse was there, we were talking about how we enjoyed that so much, and Mom looked up at the woman and said I just want you to be able to give my daughter enough "rest' by helping me out so "she" can go to the Casino... she feels she can't leave me alone long enough right now to go, so when you have your schedule in place, she can finally get to go back and enjoy it... and the woman looked at her and said well Ms. Steele, we can get you up and going and you can go again and enjoy it with her.. and Mom said, Nope, I won't be going back again... 

I just am not able physically or mentally.... I so wanted to cry, to scream at her MOM, DO NOT SAY THAT! YOU CAN GO, YOU JUST HAVE TO WANT TO FEEL BETTER, AND HELP YOURSELF BY EATING RIGHT, AND TAKING YOUR MEDICATIONS, AND HELPING YOURSELF GET STRONGER AGAIN! But, I knew no matter what I said, nothing would "change" what she thinks and feels... I am having to come to deal with Mom will never "come here and live in the new room we wanted to build on for her".... she has in her mind decided she does NOT want to fight, to be stronger, she will NOT eat better or healthier, she will NOT help herself get stronger... she never goes outside, in fact unless I go there, she keeps the blinds closed now, she will not open up the front door anymore. she stays locked up in the dark all day, either just sitting in that chair, or laying in the bed... I got the curtain rods up and put her curtains back up in the living room, and got the new mini blind up in her bedroom finally... and fixed the front door knob, threw away ALL of those little dangerous throw rugs, that were a trip and fall hazard... 

but even with the new microwave, as simple as it is, I have had to "bake" the potatoes for her... and I am in a state of "shock" that she has reached a place that she is giving up... she is losing more weight, she will not eat anything "decent" or nutritious... she just is "refusing" to get better... and no amount of me encouraging her, or trying to reason with her at this point does any good.... I just have to try and "love her" and get her the help I can, and do what I can, to my best ability... but at this rate things are deteriorating fast... and frankly it scares the hell out of me... but I also know from my experience with my own Dad, and my Grandparents, and what my friend Lisa Lisman Walker told me at lunch the other day and what I already know, I cannot "change" her mind.... it is what it just is.... Rhia

Latest Addition on Saturday of "All Things Autoimmune""

Latest Saturday Addition of Rhia's Newspaper "All Things Autoimmune" - Chronic Pain, Health, Laws, the CDC, technology and so much more... feel free to subscribe to have it come to you daily via email!

http://paper.li/ravishingrhia/1438808814#!headlines

More on Dementia, Your Parents, And the Extremely Tough Decisions to Make, When YOU ARE ALSO CHRONICALLY ILL and in CHRONIC PAIN...

(My firend Denise that I went to high school with is struggling also with a 2nd round of cancer of her ovaries I believe, and it has spread down into her thigh and presses on the nerves in her legs so she is also dealing with lots of drama in life )   -  I appreciate you so much Denise Tekell...(I am speaking of Lisa that I had lunch with yesterday, another friend from high school)  We both spoke about your struggles, and just how brave and strong you are. It is so difficult to watch someone who deserves happiness to have to struggle through despair that they don't deserve. And (this lady is a FB friend, but she is like a dear "physical friend who is right here with me at times)  Lourdes Villegas-Anaya even though we are not close "physically" you remain a dear friend also. You have also helped me through some difficult times, and I hope someday we can meet in person! I am still struggling with getting things settled for Mom, before I have the neck surgery. I have decided to postpone it until the end of April or first part of May. 

 

I thought by now I would have the Home Health Care and more of the things I need for Mom done by now. But it all takes time, and I am still working on some aspects of getting her people in there to help her, and to get this new phone that has an emergency button on it set up, and pray she can understand how to use it. When I had lunch yesterday my friend was explaining some things she went through with her Mother In Law and her having Alzheimer's... and now some of the things Mom does or does not do, begin to make sense. So, I now have more information that helps me to understand her reactions or actions at times. I went over there yesterday afternoon kind of later, around 3:40 or so. After lunch I had stopped at "Wally World" to pick up a couple of things, a couple of which I needed to take to her, and when I got to Mom's house, and opened the door... it was so odd, she was standing there by her chair, in a blouse that I have not seen her in gosh, in months. 

 

She always remains so COLD, and usually she had some "house dress" or gown on, and I've not seen her in actual "clothes" in a while. But, she did not have on any bottoms... And I asked her what she was doing, and in fact I had bought her a pair of Capri pants while I was out, because all of her clothes are much too big for her, so I got them and told her they were an "early" Mother's Day gift... but I don't know if she was "dressing" thinking that "we" were supposed to go somewhere and I just caught her in the middle of getting dressed or what. She never really "told" me why she had that blouse on, and I made light of it, and said "Mom you must have known I was bringing you a pair of Capri's that will fit"... anyway, I did not stay, it was getting later in the afternoon, and I had a few things to do at home, so I told her I would be back today, but I have SO MUCH to do for myself, and I need to wash her car, it is so covered in thick dust that it would be like mud if it got wet, and I have a new curtain rod she needs hung, and a new mini blind I bought, and all of those things take time, even with my cordless screw drivers... 

 

so if I go there it will be a full day plus in order to replace her Social Security Card she lost, I have to drive over to the next town about 15 miles away, to the nearest SS office in order to get the replacement. So, that is another couple of hours depending on how busy they are... but my lawn needs mowing, and I have clothes to wash, and my own house to clean, and need to get busy on painting a bedroom, the spare room... along with trying to get the outside of my own house painted... that is what I mean, and my friend said it herself, even her and her husband with her Mother in Law living with them, it was over a full time job for BOTH of them, and there is no way I can do it ALL myself, even with home health care... if she continues to go down as quickly as she is mentally, I may need much more help than I have now... and the decisions that have to be made are not easy ones at all. That is also what makes it so difficult, it is the tough decisions through all of this... 

 

I NEVER, and I said it a billion times would EVER put my parents in any type of "home" but if Mom continues to go down as quickly as she is, even building onto my home and having her here may not even be enough... that may not be the answer as much as I want it to be... so all of the decisions to make and the "footwork" I need to do, those are difficult issues to deal with.... so keep me in your thoughts and prayers... I need a "break" but I just don't know how to get one, and I need the surgery, but it just seems like now is not the time.... 

 

I recall when my Mom had to come to make the decision to my put Granny (her mother) in the nursing home. Even though Mother had a sister and brother (who have both now passed away) their health, and the size of their homes were not conducive with bringing my Granny to any of their homes after she fell, broke a hip, and the doctors said she could no longer live alone. But, my Granny was 92 years old and had lived alone from the time my Grandfather passed away of Alzheimer's and Lung cancer at the age of 77, so she took care of herself for many, many years, and if she had not taken that fall and broken her hip she may have been able to stay by herself a bit longer.  She had osteoporosis, like myself, the severe range which frightens me, so they feel her hip "broke" and then she fell... that the osteoporosis caused the fracture which led to my Granny falling. 

 

So, these truly tough decisions in our lives about parents or loved ones, are often times something we never "see coming" until they are upon us. I know that my Mom had been showing "signs" of Dementia/Alzheimer's for a long while, but it was not until the past 4 to 5 months that things went South extremely fast. That is why through my own research, and what I have been told, I feel this is not a "regular" type of Dementia, but one that comes on much more quickly, and takes its toll very soon. It is not like some types of Dementia and Alzheimer's that seem to come on slowly, and sometimes the patients may live for years and be able to function in a good deal of capacity before it really gets bad, but this is so very, very different than even my Grandfather, who had full blown Alzheimer's... this has taken my Mom from being able to do many things herself, just 5 to 6 months ago, to not even being able to turn on her oven, her washer, her dryer, know the month, date, time, and not understand MAnY things, and I feel she does not even recognize some items. Like she was telling me on the phone that the "phone" light was blinking, and I tried to tell her Mom because you are talking on it, the "base" light will blink in use... but when I got to her house, it was the alarm clock blinking because of a storm we had the night before had caused the power to go off for a few minutes, so it was not the "phone" at all. And she cannot recall the names of things, or of people, and now she tells me "YOU know it was "different' when I lived "over there"? And Mom has lived in the same home since I was about 3 years old! There is no other "over there".... So, unless she is talking about when she was still living  home with her parents, I had no clue where "over there" meant....

It is very difficult to watch a parent, or any loved one lose their capacity to manage things on their own, and especially difficult when it happens so fast... 

All I can do, is try to do my best to help her and support her, but I also have to take care of myself.

I should have that neck surgery next week, that I am having to put off again. I am not getting things in order quickly enough for her before I go and have cervical neck surgery that will incapacitate me for several weeks. And now, a few months ago, she would have "been able to understand and even maybe help me", but now, I don't think she even realizes what it means for me to go through this complicated surgery, or that I won't be able to life things, drive for a little while, that I will have a neck brace on for six weeks, and that many of my daily activities that I do at my own house will not be able to be done by me.... 

So, if you are in a situation such as this, and I know many of you are, please try and not feel guilty, or selfish, or like you are disappointing a parent or loved one if you must make hard decisions that you never felt you would have to, such as putting them in some type of assisted living center, or nursing home... it could be the best for you and them also... they need 24/7/365 care, and lots of it... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Lesson In Life About Taking "time" to laugh, to catch up, and to be out of the "hellish" times so many of us have....

As I was typing out about having a lunch and it has been a long time, or being with an old friend from High School or College, maybe a job from your past, all of the hopes, dreams, plans, the "faith and hope that can move mountains" go with you, and in a small town such as Ennis, it never dawns on you that it maybe YEARS before you see those people again. Whether it is family, a friend, or whomever that was a "pat" of your life back then, all too often becomes "lost" in "life". We have "corners and curves we don't often expect. Things that were supposed to happen, didn't or they did yet something changes your path, and what you felt and thought would happen, is far from that memory in your mind. I know when I was in especially High School, I had a "few" really good friends. Due to the fact, that I felt "overweight" and I was a bit back then, and at that time Mom 9bless her heart not her fault because she was not taught either)... didn't know how to "fix" my hair, or how to put makeup on, and dress more in "fashion" ... I realize my parents did the very best they could, and I thought about that in the shower this morning. I was "fortunate"... 

 

I had a home, both parents, Mom never had to work, so I was never "alone" after school. Dad worked at the same place all his life from the time he was 16 when EBF was Ennis Tag back then... I always had 3 meals a day, I was always able to take a bath, have clean hair, and clothes on my back. Those were things that all too often we don't realize until we are older there were families that were not and are not that lucky. Kids that may have one or two meals, and those are at school, or go home to an empty house because both parents work, and they may not have food on the table every night, or clean clothes that fit them, or new shoes... and more so today, we have kids that go to bed hungry in this nation, in this state, in this county, and in this town... Anyway, what I am trying to get at, is that I did not realize just how "lonely" and "alone" I have felt now for months, and months, probably at least a year..

 

I have had to do my very best with what I know to help my Mom in any way I can... most of my time is spent either helping her, whatever that might be, especially now, she cannot even start her washer, or turn on her oven... and if I am not there, I am at home, with two awesome puppies, but they are "WORK" also... I love them and they keep me "sane" when my world feels insane....yet they have to have care also.... and then my home has to be cared for, whether it is daily things, dishes, sweeping, mopping etc.. taking my own medications correctly, and then the other things mowing the lawn, getting the house painted, getting the back "forty" mowed, and all of the "deeper" things we have when we own a home need to be done... so until I went to lunch today with a dear friend, I didn't realize just how "I have not laughed", I have not "smiled", I've not been with anyone my age, who understands my situation, and just getting to go out of the house away from it all, and have lunch was such a special treat. IT is almost like a Kid in a "candy store" for me... that is something I have not gotten to do very much over the past year... I had wanted to go dancing, yet I always "feel guilty", or I feel I should stay home with the puppies or not spend the money, even though I don't drink a drop, and that "old feeling" of "what if like high school" no one asked me to the high school prom or out on a date... none of the guys from school ever asked me out.... in fact my cousin from Mesquite came down and went with my to my Senior High School Prom, so I would get to go.... 

 

I still recall the dress I wore... LOL... but we get "lost" in "transition" of marriages, illnesses, families, jobs, moves, all of the "stuff" in life that as Seniors leaving High School never in a million years would have thought would happen in our lives... Our nation is NOT the "nation" of the USA that we knew back then, not many "towns" are "safe" like Ennis was back then... things move faster, and if you don't keep up, you are left behind in the stone ages, almost like my own Mother, who even before this horrible Dementia/Alzheimer's or whatever it is hit her, she knew nothing about cell phones, or cordless anything, or even how to put gas in her car... 

 

...all of the technology we take for granted these days, she has no clue of how to use a computer, or what the "internet" really is all about. She hears me of course, and knows what I tell her, but she has never had that experience... so we are "wound up" in a ball of "life"... and we often "lose out" on a "lunch date" with a high school friend, or a great conversation with someone you had not seen in years, or all kinds of "small things" that when the do happen, you "CHERISH" them forever. Age gives us a space, where we no longer "take so much for granted each day, or even each hour. We learn what was important 10 years ago, means nothing today... we take those "small times" and keep them locked in our heart, knowing life again can get us lost in "transition" once again... it is sad... but it is true... so TODAY, to be able to experience a smile, old memories, and make new ones, catch up on the years between, and laugh about some of the old happenings.... Today remains that way for me, as well as Carrie Wilson Taking time to take me for my surgery to have my new pain pump put in, .... I will cherish those times, that Denise Tekell and I get to talk for a moment in WalGreens, or run into an old friend you have not seen and be able to find out how things are.... those are the true things I know now I cherish... Laughter, people who truly care, someone that helps not because they have to, but because the want to, and I hope I can "take more time" for "me" to write, to do my advocacy work, to play with the dogs, to have a laugh with a friend, and not be "stuck" and "stagnated" in the "moments of hell on Earth" that most of us know all too well.... Rhia