"Cake" The Movie - A "must see" for all of us who suffer through at times "intractable pain" & just how it truly effects every part of our lives

I haven't finished watching the movie "Cake" with Jennifer Aniston in it. I started it earlier in the afternoon, because I've been waiting for it to come out. After seeing the information on it, on the Arthritis Foundation Website, and then watching a preview of it, I knew as soon as I could find it, I would watch it. I knew it would not be "funny"... and I knew it would probably be a very difficult and sometimes even emotionally painful one to watch. So far, Jennifer should get an Emmy, Golden Globe and whatever else they give out for "best performing" artist. She is totally amazing in this film, and she truly gives "heart" into just how horrid life can turn on a dime. As I took a break for a moment, and walked outside looking at the deep dark clouds around, I realized how within a "breaths space" as my saying goes, that life can go from "good, you are working, in a good relationship, have a home, family and all seems to be going well, and before you can turn around ALL of that and more become like someone put your entire life into a blender, blended it well, and poured it all over the floor... and like an extremely difficult jigsaw puzzle, you don't even know "which piece" to pick up, and how to begin "trying to glue" your soul, your heart, body, mind, spirit, everything back together... to even somewhat "resemble" how it used to be... pain, whether physical, mental, emotional... whether from accident, illness, or whatever may bring it on... can sometimes for some be much too hard to bear... we ALL step into the "space between"... dark and light... trying to decide whether we need a "flashlight" or a pair of sunglasses... and everywhere you turn... it seems to be the wrong direction... I have NO answers... but I STILL have the "want to"... to continue to put one foot in front of the other, to climb one inch up the mountain, and when I begin to fall, dig my heels in and sometimes they may bleed, along with the fingers that the rocks have dug into also... but determination, will, longing for the better, and knowing for SOME REASON I am HERE!!!! ... I continue to be "here".... I may never fully understand the "why's"... and honestly right now... if I try to even begin to figure it out, I just get more confused... so I just "am"... and I will listen to my heart, and my head... and I know those will point me in the direction I need to go.... I say this because I truly KNOW there are MANY just like myself... and YOU also, may not know the "answers"... but you can certainly take those "baby steps" to a better reasoning someday... as to the full truth.... Each of you that continue to ask about me, pray for me, be concerned about me... and love me... without condition, just as I am... Thank you... and if you feel you are "strong enough" emotionally, I ask you to watch, the movie, "Cake".... 

 

After I finished it, I was a bit "bewildered" by the ending. I know as she "Jennifer" did what she did at the very end, it was a signal, that from there she would begin to "heal". I guess I expected an ending possibly of a bit more of how she began to put things into perspective. But, then as I thought about it throughout the rest of the evening and this morning, that it was left up to us, the audience, and possibly those of us suffering from such a tremendous, almost unbearable heart break, that we vary, all of us, how we "move past" loss, whether of someone we love, loss of our "normality" of life".


I am glad I felt "strong enough" to watch this. In so many ways, it "fit" just what I am going through at this time in my life.... my own illness, pain, and all that goes with it (them), a "loss" of who I am, who I used to be, and still wished I was in some ways, a loss in a relationship, actually do to an accident, not the loss of a child, which I just cannot begin to fathom just how painful and horrible that has to be... but a loss in a relationship I've had for 13 years... basically due to a few moments, and within those moments everything in two lives changed forever....

I saw pieces of my own anger, frustration, wanting one moment to be alone, and the next wishing someone would just hold me... and tell me things will get better... and in the next breath the anxiety of how I will accomplish all that needs to be done, and then the realization, as ill as I am, I HAVE BEEN doing EVERYTHING anyway... so why is "now" any different than a few weeks ago? 

The pushing away people so they don't see the fear, the anguish, the heartache, or the pain, physical, mental and emotional... days like today, that I would just as soon sit on my sofa, with my two pups beside me, and do nothing but watch movies all day long. Which in reality, I could. But, that would not do anything but put me further behind in things that I either need to do or things that I want to have done, most of which I have to do myself.


So, chronic illnesses, chronic pain... all of them... whether autoimmune, that effects every aspect of your entity... your body, sometimes in so many different ways and in different parts of your body... emotionally having something chronically with you, illnesses and/or pain, tears you mentally to pieces... it just does and anyone that would say it does not, has not came to the "reality" that they are truly ill. 

The brain fog, the slowness of thoughts, forgetting things, having notes to keep up with notes, calendars, and still forgetting appointments, birthdays.. and even if you do remember more often than not, you just don't have the strength, or stamina to go to an event... even going to the doctors office or going for a test of some kind is just such a major ordeal, that I just find myself postponing a test, because I just cannot stand the idea of having to be put through it.

Besides I already at times know the results, and the test honestly is just to "cover" the doctors butt, and to shut the insurance companies up... they waste so much money and time... when you could have had whatever "fixed" and be healing rather than going through some expensive scan, test, etc... that still does not give them the things they need to know. I have more than once some to figure out, why it is to the point of so many tests, scans etc.... each and every time I had a "joint surgery"... when they actually can "see inside" the joint in the surgery, they find it was much worse than any CT, MRI or X-ray was showing... so to me, once again so many hundreds of thousands of dollars just wasted, along with a patients time... when surgery is the only answer to truly KNOW AND SEE what is exactly wrong.


I hope you do watch this movie, you get some things out of it, that shall help you find your way through it, and take something from it to help you, and your own chronic illness and pain...