Sunday's Thoughts After So Many Emotions Arising The Past Week...

I think I frightened everyone off a couple of nights ago with my posts. I did not mean to offend anyone, and I don't expect anyone to "agree" or even "disagree" with me. Being a writer and true to my nature, most of my "real" writing comes from within. IT is what I am feeling, at that moment that is what I "need" to write. It may be offensive for some, but I never mean to be hurtful to anyone. I knew after writing it, I was going to sound like I was "bashing men". But, I think even most men would agree, when it comes to the "daily" part of living, for lots of men it comes easy. There is no hour of makeup and hair to do. There is no worrying what shoes match what outfit, and what earrings go with this necklace, and hoping everything matches, or wondering if you look too fat in this, or maybe it is too late in the Fall for regular white... and that list for women does go on and on. We are exhausted by the time we get dressed. After being ill, I learned that I get slower and slower at everything, from taking a shower to cleaning house. It takes me twice the time, sometimes 3 times the time it used to. Part age, part illness. So, If I am planning to go somewhere such as the Casino for a Sunday, or even for church on Sunday morning, etc... then I begin getting my things together the night before, or day before. I get my outfit and all of the accessories picked out, found and put where I don't have to hunt for them at the last moment, and already have in mind how I will do my hair and makeup etc. I try to have as much ready as possible, from having the dogs stuff ready if we are gong out for the entire day, plus I try and have the house straightened up, etc. There is nothing worse than coming in after a nice day at the Casino etc... and it is late, you are tired but had a great time... thus you open the door to a mess. I believe in having everything straight, bed made, dishes put up, all of the things that no one wants to see when you walk in your home after a long day being away. All we have to do, is get the dog settled, which already in itself takes a half hour, undress and put up that stuff... (other thing why does it take us 3 hours to get ready for one day out) and you come home for it to take a half day to put stuff up???? Men change their clothes and they are through. No "washing and cleaning" makeup off their faces, etc.. or hanging up their good dresses, putting up you jewelry, putting your wrap or sweater that you took and so forth... we spend almost as much time getting "undressed" as we do getting dressed. I really hate to say this, but it is true. Sometimes because it does take SO MUCH EFFORT to be ready, then to go, then to come home and get everything off and put up that it almost feels not worth it for church for an hour, or some things like that. Even the Casino... it seems like SO MUCH WORK, and entire day plus to get ready, 3 or 4 hours that morning before you leave, and making sure everyone has everything... then the hours it takes to get everything put up, taken off, and all settled that evening... that is why as someone chronically ill... when you do "see" us, we are probably already hurting, feeling exhausted and so forth, from just getting dressed enough to be there. A good example for me is my High School Reunion is coming up in October! I won't even say how many years, but anyway I have been so thrilled about it, until this past week. I really wanted something new to wear, but thinking about spending money on an outfit for just one evening seems stupid. Even a new top for Friday night at the game seems silly, unless it is something I can wear for other things... and then it is all the time preparing, getting ready, something like that we want to look our very, very best for... and when we do not "feel" all that great, it is difficult to "fake" it. Yet I don't want to go looking like death warmed over either. So, now I am hesitant about even going. As much as I want to, I worry after all these years what others will think... back then it was high school... now is so different, everyone has aged, changed, has grown kids and grand kids, hell maybe even great grand kids, been married many more than once, and so forth and so on... we all have our own lives we have led... we are all aging, and the wrinkles, gray hair, and lines of yesteryear after this many years are showing... Even though it feels like just a few short years ago, it is now 35 years later... wow that is just almost impossible to believe... so why do I worry, I am not wanting to be a cheerleader or play in the band anymore... funny how much of us changes, yet some things really never change.... so if I offended anyone, etc... it was not meant to do that, it was to "get out" for my own self some really crappy things that have been eating away at me for weeks and weeks... plus feeling so bad due to all of the medications really have taken their toll on me lately.... have a great Sunday, and by the way today is Jim's Birthday!!!