Trying to Do So Many things that your Physical Limitations Make Impossible

I posted this below this morning on Facebook. But, I did not go into just how rotten you can feel about yourself, when you must face the fact that you are no longer able to do some things that you would love to do in your life. Chronic Pain and Illness changes everything about life. From the way you dress, look, feel, what you do, don't do, how you do it, when, why, where.... you name it, being in this kind of pain, or dealing with many illnesses, some of which are Lupus, RA, FM. CFS/ME, Osteoarthritis, MS, other autoimmune disorders, all kinds of chronic pain from DDD and DJD, of which joints and your back, just will not tolerate many things you once enjoyed. You cannot help but NOT want to think about how you are not able to do, this, that or the other. IT is a slap in the face quite frankly. Well, as I thought about all of the DIY projects I used to be able to do, and loved doing them, it brought on emotions of all kinds. Sad, Mad, Angry, Depressing, Unbelieving, fearful, and disappointed just to name a few. Thus, even though my "head" wants to think we are able to complete all of these projects around the house, my physical body knows, I am certainly not able to do many, many of those things now. It sucks. It sucks to get older, but I don't want the other for sure, not right now. So, we must get someone else to handle those things we can't do now, then enjoy and go with the flow, to love the painting and decorating we can do when the other things are finished... thus the post for right now it all about life, and trying to life it to the fullest, with illnesses and pain that think otherwise.... 


Even though I felt at first I did not get much accomplished this week, I really did. FINALLY, not having to be at a doctors office, taking some damned medical test etc... for an entire week paid off. I got to do lots of things at home that I have been wanting to work on, from more on my book, to getting quite a bit done on the new quilt top. It is really coming along well. Plus got 99 percent of my grocery shopping out of the way for the month, some things around the house done that I have not been able to, and put a list together of hopefully finishing up a few things in 4 rooms in our home. We still have some work to do in our kitchen, laundry room, bathroom, and then the music room needs paint etc. Of course it is to the point physically lots of it we are having to admit, we can no longer handle. Used to I could lay carpets, paint, put up ceiling fans and so forth. I was the DIY Queen! But, with all of the health problems, there is just lots that either I can't do at all, or things I will be able to do, will take me a lot longer, just because of limited motion, pain, and hell I am just getting old! Age has a way of reminding you, when it takes 4 days to do something that used to take a day to do! Anyway, I stood in the kitchen at 3 am yesterday morning, LOL, going over the "finishing" of those rooms. The kitchen needs a floor, along with the laundry room and bath. We desperately need new flooring in all of them. But our dreams of laying tile etc.. have been squashed, due to expense, time, and lack of being able to. Thus we are going to have a guy that is a wiz at just about everything as far as a contractor to help. We decided to go with linoleum instead. We will pick out something nice, but rather than go for the expense stuff, this will be easier for me to keep clean, and so forth. Once it is laid, that should be it for our life time. Then we need a vent-a-hood put up, and I am going to with Jim's help sand down and redo our paint on the cabinets. We did not get to really get the old paint off of them when we bought the house. We were rushing to just get moved in and they had to be painted. So, now after almost 7 years they are peeling terribly due to the old layers underneath. Then I saw a "pre-cut" cabinet top that just fits right in after taking off the old one. They have some nice ones that are reasonable, and mine is UGLY AND OLD! So, we will get our friend to install that. The bathroom, which was our hugest "pet project", we did a great deal of the work on. We literally knocked out a wall, moved the toliet and sink, made enough room for my "big honkin shower/tub/sauna" that I love but is a pain in the butt to clean. Jim got most of the texturing done, we have all of the rest of the lights, mirror, most lights and the bath fan are up, they just need to be fastened in completely and wired. Then of course also flooring. So, again, we had some other expectations we wanted to do, especially wanted to do something looking like marble on the flooring, but alas, it will have to be "marble look linoleum". We just can't afford the expense of the supplies or labor, plus with that tub as it is, it would be a nightmare to even do. So, we could do the finish painting etc, but the rest of it, we also would have to have the guy do. Then we need flooring in the laundry room. Other than that, it is mainly done. I want a storm door back there also. Then our music room has also been one of our future "pet" projects. It is a 2nd bedroom, but of course we so rarely have any guests, plus the house is so tiny, we have to use it for other things, thus it is kind of a music/hobby and if need be guest room. We have really not done much to it. We have the carpet already, and we have lots of ideas on how to decorate it. We have thought of everything from making it look like an old fashioned soda fountain shop look, with pink and black walls etc... to fixing it with collections of things like glass ware, bumper stickers, post cards, and even thought about making the wall behind the drums appear as if it had the "acoustics" type of wall behind them. Also, we intend on putting a little bit of a platform in that corner to put the drums on. So, that room is really more of a matter of paint, and have that carpet put down, and how we want to decorate it. So, sounds like a lot and partially is. The floors of course being put down are our biggest item. Then finishing up that bathroom, and hanging the vent-a-hood (it will have to be one of the "professional" looking ones that just hang right out of the ceiling. We have no cabinets over the stove, thus it needs to be that kind. Of course those are more expensive, but it was one of the things I really did want in the house when we first bought it. We just put it off and done so much of the other things first, and most of this is just "finishing" up stuff we are not just able to do, or have not had the time, or better yet, usually the money. Anyway, that was my entire hour "thought" process on Friday am! But, thinking about getting those things finished up, with a little touch up painting on our baseboards etc around the house, and finishing up the out side painting.. would mean almost a new looking home again! Okay, enough... already... I wish all of you a good weekend... I have lots more to do, but after all I did this week.. I maybe resting part of it. There is always tomorrow... or I hope there will be many of them in my future.